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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import, ksl's works
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2020-11-04
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Aftermath

Summary:

I thought the episode, Chained, needed a bit more. So I wrote this little tag for it.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Contrary to popular belief, Tony DiNozzo could be quiet. I know this first hand. When I'm in the basement working on the boat, he'll sit quietly, usually reading something or working on a crossword puzzle of all things. Never would have expect him to be good at those things, but he is. He's quiet when he watches TV or movies, like he's memorizing every line, every moment of action. Think TV and movies have been an escape for him for a long time which really makes me wonder a lot about his childhood, although, I've never figured out how to ask about it. On the case, when he's focused and working out how some obscure bit of knowledge fits into the big picture, he's quiet. I've been surprised more than once at the accurate connections he's been able to make.

But none of that quiet is anything like how he is right now. Not
sure I could explain the difference, but there is one. This quiet
is more introspective. It's deeper and darker, loaded with
emotion I'm not sure I understand. I don't know what to say
to make it right, to make it okay for him. So I opt for silence of
my own.

Right now there's a stillness to him that's unnatural. Not that he fidgets...not really...just like there's this intensity about him, like he's just got so much life and energy he can't contain it. Sometimes it's wearing, other times it's endearing. At the moment, I miss it.

I lower my head to rest against the top of his, breathing in the
scent of his freshly washed hair, enjoying the feel of those baby soft strands against my cheek. He'd spent over half an hour in the shower when we finally got home. I know he could have been in there longer but the hot water heater just doesn't have more capacity than that.

Other than a small cut on his neck, a chaffed wrist and some bruises Tony seems physically fine. I close my eyes revel in the fact that he's safe. Content just to hold him for now, to listen to him breathe and share his warmth. Could have lost him forever, and that scares me like nothing has in a very long time. It wouldn't work, for either of us, but part of me would really like to just lock him away somewhere safe and never let him out of my sight again.

This odd silence and strange stillness are proof enough that he's not really okay but I can't help asking, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." He says softly, one hand moving to entwine our fingers. He places a soft kiss on my knuckles and I pull him in closer.

"Was close." I say before I can stop myself. Too damn close. God...we were only a few minutes behind him, and that was almost too late. Never, ever, want to experience that gut wrenching moment again. When I saw the blood on the window, his head bowed...Christ, it makes my chest hurt to think about it even now.

But I held it together then. And so did Tony. We were nicely
professional. Totally in control. Good agents right to the last.
Yea, God. Never in my life did I expect to have to be that good an actor.

Got the buyer nicely locked away. Made sure Ducky got the body. Even got Tony's statement nicely written down for posterity's sake. All without losing my composure, or giving into the need to hug him to me so hard he'd have trouble breathing.

Was never so damn glad to get a minute alone with him in my life when we were finally free to leave. Latched on to him like a lamprey. I was shaking so badly, I'm sure the only thing
holding me up was Tony.

I can hear the hitch in his breathing now. Faint tremors shake
him. I can't see his face, but I have a good idea what sort of
expression he's wearing. Know what he's feeling. He's held it together long than I did. I pull him closer and find myself
rocking, trying to comfort both of us.

"You're okay, Tony." I whisper into his hair. "I've got you." It was almost the same thing he'd said to me just a few hours ago.

I'm not sure how long we're like that when he sighs. It's
a little shaky, but I know the he's better now. Storm has passed for the moment.

"Sorry about ruining the GPS tracker."

"S'okay." I rub my cheek against his hair, squeezing his hand. Last damn thing I'm worried about is some stupid electronic gizmo. "You left a damn good trail. Technology is no substitute for quick thinking and good instincts."

I feel him relax, tension draining out of him that I hadn't realized was there until it was gone. And I remind myself I should have told him that sooner. We'd have never have found him if he wasn't so quick thinking on his feet.

"Figure Kate is still pissed over the ShiTzu thing?"

"Probably." I'll make damn sure she doesn't do anything about it though. It was our first breadcrumb in a long trail of them that could have petered out at any moment. She'll just have to suck it up and let that minor insult pass. Besides, it was pretty damn funny. Not that I'll ever tell her that.

He sighs again, deeper this time. "You found Lane's
body?"

"Yeah." I don't bother to correct him on the name. Doesn't matter much now who Lane really was.

"Never figured Jeffery for a killer." Tony shakes his head
slightly. "Didn't seem the type."

"Not sure there is a type, Tony." We'd encountered all walks of life that seemed capable of murder...myself included. If Jeffery had killed Tony, I'd have made damn sure it was the last thing the little bastard ever did. "He might have seemed
harmless enough, but you can't lose sight of the fact he killed three people we know of." Could easily be more we didn't know about.

"I know."

It is almost physically painful but I let him pull away from me. He turns so that he can face me, moss green eyes regarding me steadily for a moment. "Doesn't change the fact that I liked him."

He rubs tiredly at his eyes, looking a lot older than he did when he left for this assignment. "Know it was part of the job to get close to him, but I didn't expect to think of him as an okay guy."

He shakes his head, eyes overly bright with tears I know he won't let fall. Still find it somewhat disconcerting to know I'm more apt to cry than he is.

"He had to have had a really shitty life Gibbs for me to be the
nicest guy he'd ever met." Tony grimaces, fingers pinching
the bridge of his nose. "And I wasn't really all that nice to
him."

I doubt that. Even when he's being sarcastic or cynical, even
when he's pissed or frustrated, Tony's not really mean. I
don't think he's got it in him to be seriously nasty to another human being. It is one of the things I like so well about
him.

"He was going to kill you, Tony." Takes all the self control
I possess to keep my voice even when I say that.

"I know." Tony's lips curl in an ironic smile. "Strange thing is that I think if he had, he'd be just as sorry about my being dead as I am about having to kill him."

I don't know what to say to that. I never met the man, but I
can't help think he would have killed Tony and not looked back. He didn't seem the sort that was inclined to feel much remorse. I may not be the best when it comes to words, but I know what I'm thinking isn't what Tony wants to hear.

"Don't know if it helps, but I'm not sorry about the
choice you made." I raise my hands to cup his face, thumb
caressing his cheekbone. "Was him or you, and I'd pick you every single time. You got that?"

Tony smiled, eyes losing a bit of their shadow. "I get that."

"Good." I lean in and kiss him. Don't expect it to go anywhere, not really, just want to make sure he's really knows what he means to me.

"I love you, DiNozzo." I whisper against his mouth.

"Love you too, Boss." Tony smiles softly. "You wanna
maybe move this into the bedroom?"

He waggles his eyebrows, teasing glint in his eyes. It's not
quite up to his usual, but he's a lot more himself than he was just ten minutes ago. Besides, I know this won't be about love or even sex, it's just about reaffirming that we're both alive and still together. It's okay. I could do with a little of that myself.

I kiss him again. "I'd love to."

Notes:

This orphaned work was originally on Pejas WWOMB posted by author ksl.
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