Work Text:
Reaching Out
By mardel
I just borrowed them for the story, they are owned by others.
A story about Fin and a lady
"When was the last time you touched anyone other than to cuff them?"
Munch asked his partner.
"None of your business." Tutuola answered. His back turned towards him.
"Look as many ex-wives as I have, I'm not the best one to give
advice. But you need someone in your life man. If you won't talk to me, then you
need to talk to someone." Munch warned him.
"I'm fine, I can handle it." Fin stated.
"I'm telling you the truth you can't keep isolating yourself from
human contact like this. You need to deal with the past, so you can live again."
Munch continued.
"I'm living."
"No, what you are doing in working all the time. I know you don't
think anyone notices because you leave every night and then come back. You have to
find a balance between work and personal life."
Fin frowned, he knew John was just telling him this for his own
good. He'd thought he could just keep hanging on like he'd been doing.
" I lost everyone I ever cared anything about, I don't want to hurt like that again."
" I'm sorry to hear that. But you're going to crack up soon if you
don't find some thing to take your mind off work. This job is hard enough to leave
behind, let alone live twenty-four, seven."
"I'll talk to the company shrink or something." He promised.
"I'll see you tomorrow." John nodded and pulled on his coat.
Fin sighed and reached for his own coat. He should at least go home.
He hadn't been in his apartment long enough to do more than change and shower in
weeks. He didn't sleep much, and when he did he often just sacked out in the spare
bunks up stairs at the station.
He walked the twelve blocks to his apartment and was climbing the
second flight of stairs when he heard a woman scream. He ran the last flight at full
speed turning the corner to find a woman standing at the far end of the hall, her
hand to her mouth as she stared down at a man laying on the hallway floor.
"What's going on here?" He holstered his sidearm, and flashed his badge.
"I just came out to put the trash in the chute. I found him like
this." The woman gestured towards the unconscious man.
Fin checked for a pulse, then pulled out his cell phone and put in a
call for an ambulance. It looked like the man had passed out, but his pulse was
there, fast but steady. It could be an OD or just about anything.
"Do you know his name?"
"No, he doesn't live here." She looked at Fin for the first time.
Blinked and then studied him, like she wanted to remember him.
He knew what she saw, even twelve years on the force, he still looked
like a man you'd cross the street to keep out of his way. His neat clubbed back pony
tail, close clipped beard and conservative dress not withstanding.
"Are you okay, want me to see you to your apartment?" He offered.
"I know you don't I?" She asked, her arms locked protectively around
her torso. Her eyes still locked on his face.
"I live in the building, fourth floor. back corner." He nodded.
"Oh, yes you aren't around very often. You helped me carry up a few
things last year when I moved in." She nodded.
He nodded, he remembered. It had been a hot July day, she was
bringing things up from a borrowed truck. The kids she'd paid to help her had run off
after only two trips to her place. Satisfied with only the five dollars she'd
given them at the beginning. The promise of five more forgotten in the heat. Fin had
carried up a large box full of kitchen items for her. He recalled admiring her
shape on the climb to her apartment. For a white lady she had a nice round ass.
Her long dark hair in one long braid down her back.
"Helena Populous wasn't it?" He asked, not sure of her last name.
"Yes, you have a good memory. You're Detective Tutuola I think, it's
been a long time since I've seen you." She smiled at him.
"Tutuola, but you were real close. Can I walk you back to your
apartment?" He motioned for her to lead the way. He heard the ambulance arriving.
"Can I offer you a cup of coffee... your day is over maybe a glass of wine?"
She offered as she opened the door to her apartment.
"Thank you." He was about to decline her kind offer. "I'd like that,
coffee is fine if you have some made. I'll just show the ambulance guys where the
patient is. I'll be back in a minute." He surprised himself by saying yes.
Helena, rushed to put a fresh pot of coffee on while he was gone. She
tidied up her already neat front room and tossed her cat off the extra chair by the
window.
He knocked then opened her door slowly, so as not to catch her off
guard. "Ms. Populous?"
"Yes, please come in. Make yourself at home." She called from the
kitchen, she was putting a selection of small cakes on a plate. She baked for
several restaurants in the neighborhood as well and working at the Macy's up town.
"You have a nice place here." Fin removed his long overcoat and hung
it on the hall tree near the front door. He smoothed his jacket un-buttoning it .
Helena entered the room carrying a tray with coffee mugs, cream,
sugar and cakes. He was surprised by the amount of food she was bringing.
"This looks wonderful. Do I look like I need fatting up?" He asked
attempting a small joke.
"No, you look very fit... strong, I mean I just thought you probably hadn't eaten
your dinner yet." She blushed and set the tray down on the small table by the
window.
Damn, he hadn't heard praise like that from a lady in ages. He hadn't
mean to fluster her like that. He never would have thought she was the type
to be hiding a attraction to a man like him.
"Black is fine. Thanks." He accepted the mug of coffee took a careful
sip as is felt very hot. It was great coffee, worthy of those steep
prices you had to pay at the fancy place up the block.
"Please help yourself to some of the cakes." She was still blushing,
but she tried to meet his eyes for a second as she handed him the coffee.
He didn't usually eat sweets much, but he took three of the small
cakes onto the plate she provided. Then tasted one, it was melt in your mouth
fantastic.
"These are great. You should bake professionally." He praised her.
"I do, at least some of the time." She smiled, and sipped her own mug
of coffee. He liked him there was something about his eyes and his voice. It had
been so long since she'd been attracted to a man. She just wanted to sit with
him for a minute and enjoy the feeling. She was sure a man like him must be
taken.
Fin wasn't looking for a lady in his life. Helena was very nice, from
what he'd seen so far. Probably to sweet for a thug like him. Defiantly not the
type for a booty call. But she was on the voluptuous side, he liked his ladies
shapely.
"Have you been in New York long?" He asked having noticed her slight accent.
"Yes, we moved here when I was twelve. I am a citizen now." She said with pride.
"That's good." He'd never been good with small talk, he could get
information out of a perp, no problem, but this was awkward. Especially since he
wasn't going to be laying a line down on her. He struggled for a topic of
conversation.
"Have you been a policemen a long time?" Helena asked, wanting to get
him talking about himself, so that he'd stay.
"It's been a few years, I just switched over to my current unit a
year ago.
I was in Drug Enforcement for six years." He said sipping his coffee.
"That is dangerous work, your family must worry about you." She looked
concerned herself.
"No. There's no one left to worry about me." He met her eyes for a
second then shifted his gaze out the window. Why was saying it making him feel so
alone. He'd been alone for years and years.
"Would you like to stay for dinner? I was just about to finish making
the potatoes before.... when...." She asked.
"No, I don't want to intrude on your meal." Fin stood, " I should be
going." He motioned towards the door.
"Please, there is plenty of food." She sounded genuine, like she
really would like for him to stay.
He hesitated, then what John had said to him just that afternoon
replayed in his head. ' you can't keep isolating yourself from human contact like
this,' "Thank you, I'd like to stay." He almost smiled, his face relaxed a
little from his usual stern expression.
"Good, the bathroom it that way if you'd like to wash up." She smiled
and stood up walking to the small kitchen to finish the food.
Fin nodded, and did as she suggested. Washing his hands and checking
his reflection in the mirror. He looked tired, the rush of adrenaline
wearing off from his response to her scream in the hall. What was he thinking staying
for a meal.
Helena was nothing like the kind of lady he usually felt an
attraction. Not that he was feeling an attraction, she was a warm, caring lady. He responded
to most women with respect, until they did or said something that
changed his opinion of them. This was nuts, he should make an excuse and leave.
"Damn it, Fin be a man and share a meal with the nice lady." He scolded himself.
Helena was placing plates and utensils on the table when he entered
the room. She was wearing an apron, and she looked flushed from the heat of the
oven. He couldn't remember the last time anyone had cooked for him. His
chest felt tight, at the sight of her preparing the table for a meal.
"I hope you like meat loaf and vegetables." She placed the last fork
on the table and turned back towards the kitchen. "Please sit down."
I love meat loaf, at least the kind granny use to make. With gravy
and mashed potatoes. Green beans and carrots he though. He shrugged out of his
suit jacket and hung it on the back of his chair. "Can I help?" He offered before
taking his seat.
"No, thank you. It will just be a minute." She carried in a plate of
fresh bread, that smelled to good to eat and the meat loaf on it's platter. Then
returned with the vegetables and gravy. She took her seat. Fin couldn't believe the
amount of food on the table for just the two of them. She must usually have
leftovers for the whole week.
"I usually say grace, before a meal." She inclined her head and
repeated a prayer he'd learned as a child, but hadn't practiced in much to long.
"Amen." Helena said, and looked up, then passed him the platter of meat.
"Amen." Fin said in unison with her. He took the platter and served himself.
The food was so good he was sure he was dreaming it all. No one cooked
like this anymore. Especially in a city were everyone ate out or ordered in.
"This is great." He said between bites.
"I'm glad you like it, I miss having people to feed." She nodded at his praise.
"You said before that you came here with family?" He asked towards
the end of the meal.
"My parents, I was born late in their lives. I am an only child." She
explained. "They have been gone for sometime."
"I'm sorry. You said you baked for restaurants in the area, what else
do you do?" He sounded like he was pumping her for information.
"I sell at Macy's in midtown." She finished her last bite and set her
fork down. "I like to read, I usually stop at the library every week for a new book."
"Yeah, I learned a lot from books. But there is no substitute for the
stuff you learn on the street." He sighed after all that good food, he was
ready for a nap.
"There is cake if you would like." She offered.
"No, thank you. That was a wonderful meal. Let me help you clean up."
He unbuttoned his left cuff and rolled his shirt sleeve back.
"No, you don't have to help." She stood up lifting her plate from the
table.
"I insist, my granny would tan my hide if I didn't help you with the
dishes." He rolled the second sleeve up and took the platter and his plate to
the kitchen.
Helena washed, Fin dried they talked about recent movies they had
seen. She noticed he was more relaxed, he seemed to be enjoying the
evening.
.......
Fin woke up in his apartment he next morning early, he felt good. He
thought about the night before at Helena's. He was out of practice but he
thought he was going to have to take John's advice and seek out some female
company.
A week went by he was working on a tough case and hardly went home for
more than a change of clothes. He was just leaving one morning
jogging down the stairs when he noticed Helena ahead of him on the landing.
"Good morning." He paused in his rush back to the station.
"Hello." Helena looked up to see Fin walking down the stairs towards
her. She smiled at the sight of him, he made her think of a knight the way
he moved tall, straight his coat billowing out almost like a cape behind him.
Fin saw her bright smile, it puzzled him. The things he thought he
knew about her, she was probably that happy to see anyone she knew.
" It's cold out there this morning." He noticed her in her winter
coat She was wearing one of those hats that mashed your hair flat, and a
big scarf. She looked happy to be out so early on a Monday.
"Yes, I'm wearing my boots." She continued to smile at him.
Fin had the impulse to touch her, something he never felt. He pushed
the idea out of his mind. " Which way are you headed?"
"Down towards 12th street. I'm delivering baked goods on the way to
work." She nodded towards the carry bag.
"I'll walk you to the subway." He motioned for her to take the stairs ahead of him.
"I was hoping to see you again. The next time you're home in time for
dinner stop and eat with me. I enjoyed your company." She told him as they walked.
"I'd like that, but my schedule is crazy. I don't want to just show
up." He hedged.
"I don't mind. I usually eat about seven, please feel welcome
anytime." She touched his arm as he stopped at the subway entrance.
His eyes flew to her hand on his arm. She could feel his muscles tense under her hand,
combined with the look in his eyes. She lifted her hand.
Fin didn't like to be touched. It was a thing he had from long ago.
But he didn't shrug her off, like he usually would. His reaction was stiff
disapproval.
"Be safe." She said and ducked down the stairs to the subway.
He felt empty when she took her hand away. His reaction had caused
her to react that way. He should go after her, not leave things so strained
between them. He didn't want her to be afraid of him.
"Helena, wait." He ran after her. Catching her as she fumbled for her
fare card.
"I'm sorry. People don't usually touch me." He didn't know what he was trying
to explain. He just didn't want her to be afraid of him. It was suddenly very
important that she not fear him.
She looked up startled for a second. "I didn't mean to be familiar. I'm sorry."
She pulled her fare card out of her bag. Looked up at him, saw his
concern for her. She almost reached out to touch him again, repeating her mistake.
"Don't fear me. I'm not like that." He stated. He felt the impulse to
touch her again and at the same time a tight knot formed in is stomach.
"I know you're not. Come for dinner when you can." She told him and
turned towards the turnstiles.
Fin watched her go, feelings he'd buried churning inside him. He was
going to have to talk with the Doc about this. If he wanted to be human again.
.......
He did talk with the doctor, a couple of times. The doc suggested he
take things slow ease back into a simple friendship with her and then see were things
went.
.............
Fin put off going by Helena's place for nearly a week. But by the end
of one exhausting day he decided it was time to see her again.
He knocked on her door after going to his place and cleaning up.
"Hello, it's nice to see you." Helena opened the door with a big
smile on her face. She'd worried about him ever since the last time they had talked.
She thought she might have given him the wrong idea. She was very happy he was
back.
"I hope I'm not to late." He didn't want to come to her place empty
handed but she didn't seem to drink much wine and flowers weren't his style.
He settled on a classical music CD. Some how he associated her with
European music.
"You didn't have to bring me anything. Thank you. I just sat down,
let me fix a plate for you." She took the small package from him and moved
towards the kitchen.
"I can't keep eating your food like this if you don't tell me how to
return the favor."
Fin told her halfway through the meal. It was the second best plate
of ravioli he'd ever eaten. Only because it was he second plate of food.
Helena smiled at his question. He'd never expect to hear her true
answer. It was much to forward of a request. She knew he didn't want that
kind of a relationship with her. She'd have to tell him something.
"I'm pretty good at fixing things." He offered.
"You don't have to return the favor. I cook all the time, I like
seeing you enjoy the meal." She told him.
"I'll just have to think of something. I'll wash you dry." He stood
up and began to roll his sleeves back.
Helena, watched her eyes lowered so he wouldn't notice she was
staring. His forearms were corded with muscle, his hands broad and strong
looking. She liked watching him.
Fin sighed picked up his plate and the salad bowl and walked to the
kitchen. Munch would love to see him washing dishes, he'd never hear the end of
the snide remarks about his being so domestic.
........................
Weeks past Fin saw her at least once a week. He even tried to take
her out for a meal one time but she wouldn't agree. He asked her what kind of
a show she'd like to see, but she wouldn't give him any idea. He wanted to
do something for her.
"We are friends, you aren't courting me. I don't need anything." She told him.
That hurt, he wasn't courting her. But it still hurt to hear that she
didn't expect him to treat her special. He'd had female friends before, why did he
feel the need to give Helena something or do something for her? He felt good
when he was with her. It wasn't about a booty call. She clearly wasn't
looking for that or if she was, not from him.
He tried to stay away for awhile but after two weeks he found that he
missed talking with her. Missed seeing her smile. To be truthful he missed
her great cooking too. He decided he was going to have to find something to do
for her in return for all the fine meals. He started by learning her schedule, she worked
at the store Tuesday thru Saturday. She worked day shift she almost
never was out on the street at night. She was about as safe as a female
could be with out a personal body guard. She walked to the subway with two other
ladies when their shift ended. She had three locks that she used regularly on her doors.
She'd lived in the city long enough to know most things about safety.
He came home very late one night to find a message from Helena on his
machine. He usually only got calls from the station on the machine.
" Hello, Fin it's Helena. I wanted to talk to you, if you could call
me back I'd appreciate it." She sounded out of breath, like she was scared.
He went down to her door and looked things over. There didn't seem to
be anything out of place. No marks on the door like it had been jimmied. It was
very late, past midnight so he didn't knock. He went back to his apartment and
listened to the message a second time. She did sound stressed. But she hadn't said it
was urgent to call him as soon as he could. He decided to get a few hours sleep
and catch her in the morning.
Helena, looked out her door the next morning, checking for any sign
of the man that she thought had followed her home. She didn't know if she was
imagining things, but she had seen him before. She walked out side and headed
for the subway up the street it was farther but she wanted to change her
pattern.
Fin woke up late, rushed to dress and was about to knock on Helena's
door when the super waved to him.
"She just left I saw her walking uptown." He informed the cop.
"Thanks, man." Fin hurried down the stairs and out the door. He
didn't see any sign of Helena, but the sidewalk was already crowded with people.
He jogged up the street to the subway. She could be making a delivery
some where, he'd have to catch up with her at the store. He called Munch.
"Yeah, I'll be a little late. Cover for me."
"No problem seeing as it's the first time since I've know you that
you weren't at work before me." John grinned hoping this meant his partner was
keeping company with a lady this morning.
Fin took the subway up town, he was only five minutes behind her. But
he managed to catch up with her one the sidewalk a block from Macy's.
"Helena, hang on a second." He touched her shoulder to get her
attention and she jumped like he'd hit her. "Easy, easy it's me Fin." He held up
booth hands and backed up a step so he wasn't crowding her.
"I'm sorry, you startled me." She was breathing fast, she was scared.
"Here sit down for a minute." He guided her to a bench near the curb.
"Talk to me." He positioned himself between her and the people
walking past.
"Why did you call?"
"I needed someone to talk to." She evaded his question.
He knew a half truth when he heard it. "Come on Helena, it's Fin.
What's wrong?"
He inclined his head towards her a little so he could see her better.
"I think a man followed me home last night." She told him.
"What did he look like?" Fin was instantly in cop mode.
"Not real tall, with a dark hat, he needed a shave. He followed me
from the subway to the corner store and then up the street to the apartment." She
explained.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" He asked.
"I think so, I was so scared." She started to reach for his hand then
stopped herself.
Fin noticed her pull back from reaching for him. He'd caused that
himself, telling her that people didn't touch him. Reacting so badly the other time.
"You should come down to the station and look at the mug books."
"I have to work, we are getting ready for the holiday rush." She told him.
"Could you leave a little early tonight and come to the station?"
"I'll try." She nodded.
"Ask the desk Sargent to call me when you get there." He offered his
gloved hand, she took it. He escorted her to the employee entrance.
"Promise you'll come to the station."
"I'll be there." She nodded.
.............
"What's got you on edge?" Munch asked that afternoon. They had
cleared a case and they were each typing up the report for the file.
" A friend of mine had some trouble yesterday. I was expecting for
her to stop and look at the mug books." Fin admitted.
"Oh, is that why you were late this morning?" John asked.
"Yeah." Fin paced over to the window and tried to see the sidewalk.
"I was hoping it was something better than that detaining you."
"Yeah, it wasn't anything like that." Fin frowned at his partner.
"Sorry, can I help?" John didn't often offer to do extra work. He'd
put in twenty years in Baltimore before joining the NYPD.
"If she spots the scumbag in the books, I'll be sure to give him a
lesson in manners." Fin warned John.
"I can hold your coat." John smiled.
His phone rang, "She's down stairs, did you weed out the books you
need yet?"
"Yeah, except for the stalker types I was hoping we wouldn't need
that one." Fin nodded towards the interview room.
Helena, looked almost as scared now as she had that morning. She was
holding her bag so tight her knuckles were white.
"Ms. Populous, I'm Det. Tutuola please come with me." He acted like
he'd left a message for her. People were always coming in asking for the
Detectives.
He touched her shoulder, guiding her to the stairway to the second
floor. Helena felt more at ease as soon as she saw him.
"Right this way," He showed her to the interview room, where John was
waiting with the mug books. "This is my partner John Munch."
"Hello," She tried to smile but she was to nervous.
"Can I get you something to drink, we have coffee, tea and soda."
John offered.
"No thank you." Helena shook her head, she was to upset to think.
Fin's partner was tall, with dark hair. He looked like he'd be a good
partner.
"We'd like for you to look through the mug books here. Take your
time, there are a lot of pictures here. I tried to pull the books with the
most likely matches." He explained.
Helena, nodded. Munch left the room. He though he'd get her a cold
drink just in case. Fin stayed standing to the left of her chair watching as she
flipped through the books. She still seemed very nervous. He wished there was
something he could do to put her more at ease. But short of embracing her, he couldn't
think of anything.
John motioned to him from the doorway.
"Yeah?" Fin whispered.
"She's scared to death, what happened?" John asked.
"She thinks a man followed her home last night. She saw him at the
subway stop and the market then again at her apartment building." Fin filled him in.
"Does she have a history of being attacked? She seems very nervous.
Like victims do after an attack." John reminded his partner.
"I didn't ask." Fin should have asked, if she'd ever been followed
before, or any thing like that." He felt stupid.
"I'll talk to her." John set the soda down above the book so she could reach it.
"Ms. Populous can I ask you a few questions?" John interviewed her
like he would any other female victim. Slow, gentle prodding for information
with out up setting her any more than he needed to.
She answered him looking over towards Fin several times. Like she was
wondering why he wasn't asking these questions.
John took some notes, and stayed with her while she continued to look
through the books.
"I think this is him." She pointed, the man was a guy they had picked
up for questioning before.
"Good we'll have a talk with him. I don't think you'll have to worry
about him bothering you again." John gave her his smirk-grin with a nod of his head.
"Is that all?" she asked.
"Yes, I'll get a....." John started to say they would have a radio
car take her home, then noticed Fin shaking his head.
"Det. Tutuola wants to speak to you for a minute." John stood and carried
the mug book out with him.
"Thank you." Helena nodded to him.
Fin exhaled, then walked over to the table and sat across from
Helena.
"Has something like this happened to you before?"
"No." She answered.
"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's happened." He asked again.
Helena didn't want him to know about her past. She'd lost other
friends over what had happened and she wouldn't risk losing Fin. She couldn't tell him .
She shook her head.
"I'll walk you home." He wanted to pound his fist into something he
was so angry that he now had the chance to help her and she wouldn't let him.
Helena noticed Munch standing talking to a woman on there way out.
He nodded to her as they walked past.
"You're partner is very nice." Helena told Fin once they reached the street.
"Yeah, he's a real prince." Fin growled.
"You're angry."
"Damn straight, I'm angry I'm trying to help you, but if you don't
talk to me, tell me what happened, there isn't much I do." He told her as they
began to walk up the street.
She considered his point, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him
about her past. She stopped walking. Fin noticed her halt, he turned to face her.
"Be angry at the man that caused this. Don't be angry at me." She warned him.
"You're right, I'm sorry. Let's just take a cab home. It's to cold to walk."
He lifted his arm and stepped closer to the curb, badge in hand.
They rode back to the apartment building in silence. Fin was
thinking, trying to remember if Helena had ever mentioned anything about her past that
would give him clues.
.....................
Munch and Fin located the man she'd pointed out in the book. He was
known to follow women. He hadn't crossed the line and started
attacking them yet, but they warned him off doing his thing in their part of
town. Fin let him know he might just wake up dead if he continued working
anywhere that he would be the one who caught the case.
..................
His relationship with Helena was strained now. He still stopped by
and saw her once or twice a week. He'd learned that he could care for someone
again but it had really bothered him when she was so upset. That was his
reason for not wanting to get close to anyone ever again.
.................
Helena stood transfixed staring at the images on the television. It
was nearly as bad as the towers falling. Police and Firefighters were rushing to
save people from the explosion. Then she realized Fin could be in that part of
town. It was only a few blocks from his station.
"Please dear God protect him." She prayed over and over.
She waited up for him to come home. Knowing that he might work
straight thru for two or even three shifts. She paced and prayed and waited.
He she saw him walking slowly up the street from her window she rushed
out to the stairs and ran to the front door. She met him on the front stoop.
"You're safe, I was so worried." She threw her arms around him she
was so thrilled he was alive and safe.
Fin pushed her off, in reaction to way to much emotion over the past
two days. He was exhausted. He needed to sleep for about ten hours. The moment
after he pushed her away he realized what he'd done.
He'd been fighting his feelings towards Helena for months. But the
look in her eyes was making him crazy. She'd been scared to death for him, she'd only
wanted to welcome him home safe and sound. He shouldn't have pushed her away.
"I'm sorry, can we go inside?" He indicated the stairs. She followed
him up the three flights of stairs to her apartment. She knew he was
hesitant about being touched she knew better than to attempt to hug him. She shouldn't be
so hurt by his reaction.
"Helena, I want to explain." He started off, pacing towards her
kitchen then back to the sofa where she was sitting, watching him.
"You don't owe me an explanation. I shouldn't have grabbed you that
way." She tried to take the blame on her self.
"No, I want to. You see when I was a kid I used to get knocked around
a lot by my old man. In fact the only person that ever touched me in a nice
way was my grandmother. She'd hug me and rock me when I was little, and she'd
still hug me and kiss me even after I was nearly a man. Then she died. The
bigger I got the more the old man beat on me. I began to associated another
person's touch with pain. It's my problem, I didn't mean to push you
like that. I know that you would never hurt me. I saw you...." He stopped
unsure what else to say.
"I'm sorry, I was so relieved you were safe." She was bitting her lip
to try and keep from crying.
"I know that, I know. You shouldn't worry about me. I've been doing
this fora long time. I know how to keep my head down."
" I have to worry about you, the people who love you pray for you at
times like that, so that if the worse happens God will protect you." She
whispered.
His heart clenched in his chest, she couldn't mean that. Not the way
it sounded. 'people who love you,' she couldn't love him. He didn't deserve her
love. She was to kind and good. He was hard and cold. He didn't need her to
cry for him, to pray for him.
"I won't touch you again. I promise. Seeing you safe is enough." She struggled
not to cry in front of him.
Fin took several deep breaths, in an effort to steady the trembling
in his hands. This was why he hid from people. Emotion made him lose control.
"It's not your fault, it's me....it's me." He chocked out. His eyes
locked with hers full of pain. He framed her face with both hands, reading all the
emotions she was feeling, sorrow, fear, pain and love. He kissed her gently,
surprising her so much that she barely responded. Their lips parted and he braced for her
reaction.
She stared at him, shocked. "You kissed me."
"I thought you wanted me to...." He was confused now.
"I"ve always wanted you to, from the first time I ever met you. This
man I thought he would be good to kiss. He would be gentle, but strong."
"Why did you think that?"
"Your eyes were so expressive, deep brown, sad and hurt." She explained.
"That made you want to kiss me?"
"And your voice, too. You spoke so quite, your voice deep and soft."
He laughed, he talked that way because it made people pay attention.
Only one other person had ever told him it was attractive.
"May I touch you?" She asked.
"Baby, I was hoping we could do more than that." Fin opened his arms
to her.
He kissed her again, wrapping both arms around her body, pulling her
in close. Helena, responded to his kisses with passion he hadn't expected.
He was thrilled by her responsiveness, the idea of taking things
slowly crushed.
"Baby are you sure this is what you want?" He asked between kisses.
Her hands were attempting to unbutton his shirt, but they were shaking.
"Yes, I need you so much."
"If you're sure, we should... " He nodded his head towards the bedroom.
Helena, smiled and nodded.
Once they were in her bedroom with just the light on the dresser to
set the mood, Fin shrugged out of his jacket. He felt good, but a little
nervous. It had been awhile since he had to consider his partner's feelings.
He'd been making due with one nighters and pros.
Helena watched him wishing they could just fall onto the bed and make love.
Fin came back to stand in front of her, his eyes so dark she couldn't
read them.
Was he feeling the same emotions she was? Or was it just need?
Fin lifted his hand to cradle her head, kissing her deeply. Helena
wrapped her arms around his chest and back holding on to him. She responded to
his kisses just as before, eager for him. Fin stroked his hand down
her back and cupped her round ass, as their kissing continued. She moaned and
moved her groin against him. Her hands spreading wide across his back
as she moved against his growing arousal.
"You feel so good in my arms Baby." He whispered lifting his mouth from hers
for a moment.
"Please Cerro, I need you." She begged.
Fin heard the urgency in her voice, he quickly removed his clothes
down tohis boxers. Helena slipped out of her own clothes just as quickly,
laying on the bed. She was so eager to be with him.
"I want to make this good for you Baby, but you keep telling me to hurry."
He braced himself over her, she lifted her arms around his body.
"You are so handsome." She praised.
Fin lowered his mouth to her neck and kissed his way down to her
breast.
His arousal pressed tightly into her lower body. She was arching up
to meet his slow thrusting. Helena moaned, and sighed at his attentions to
her body. She was ready to accept him fully.
Fin removed his boxers and quickly covered his throbbing shaft with
protection then he was pushing inside her warmth. She was hot and tight. He
groaned and eased back, then pushed slowly forward a second time.
"Easy Baby, let me.... " He fought to keep control. He'd not expected
this type of problem. He felt her pulsing around him, he waited for her to
relax for him.
"Helena look at me."
She opened her eyes, looking up into his deep brown eyes that were
burning with need. Once his eyes locked with hers, she relaxed enough for him
to continued. It worried him that she seemed to want him so much, and
then froze up when they were joined.
"Talk to me Baby, let me hear that I'm pleasing you."
"Cero, you feel so good." She moaned, her hands stroking his back again.
Fin gave her long slow thrusts at first, but it didn't take long for
him to become lost in his own feelings and needs. Her moans encouraging him
into a quicker pace. She cried out her climax.
"My god, oh, oh god."
He followed her only a few strokes later, groaning when he reached
his finish. He stayed balanced over her, her finger tips gripping his shoulders.
"Perfect, you are magnificent." She told him in the throws of passion.
His heart was pounding so hard he wasn't sure he heard her correctly.
He took a minute to get his breathing under control, then lowered his
mouth to hers, kissing her softly.
"What was that you said before?" He asked lowering himself beside her
on the bed.
"You were magnificent." She turned towards him, stroking a hand
over his shoulder and down his arm.
He liked that she thought so, but that wasn't what he'd meant.
"Thank you Baby, but I mean you called me Cerro or something?"
"It means lover, what a man is called by his lady." She told him.
"Oh, perhaps I shouldn't ...?" She stopped caressing him with her hand
remembering his past statements to her about being touched.
Fin caught her hand, brought it to his lips, kissed her finger tips.
"I didn't mean it like that, I don't like people to touch me. But
you're different
I like when you touch me."
"I see." She smiled, "You are so hard," She began to say.
He wasn't sure again what she meant.
"Your arms and chest." She slipped her hand from his and stroked it
across his broad chest.
Fin closed his eyes and soaked in the feeling. It had been so long.
She stroked her hand over his body for several minutes he wasn't sure
who enjoyed it more.
"Fin is short for something isn't it?" She asked while stroking him.
"Um, Odafin I was named for my grandfather." He answered her.
"Odafin it's different I like it."
"Umm," He responded still enjoying her caresses.
"You're going to sleep." She said as his breathing slowed even more.
"Feels good." Was the last thing he said before falling asleep. The
combined effects of a triple shift added to his relaxed state won out over his
desire to be with Helena after making love.
Helena curled up beside him one hand resting on his chest and fell
asleep also. She woke up the next morning feeling happy. Fin was still
asleep, he'd hardly moved from the position he'd fallen asleep in. She pulled the
cover up to keep him warm and began her usual morning routine.
Fin was still asleep at seven-thirty. Helena hated to wake him but
she didn't know if he had to be back at work at his usual time.
"Fin wake up now." She sat on the bed behind his back, he'd rolled on
to his side after she got up.
"What time is it?" He asked, feeling very comfortable and hoping he
didn't have to get up just yet. Helena was caressing his shoulder, he
remembered making love, but nothing after that.
"It' seven-thirty do you have to be at work today?" She asked hoping
for his sake that he didn't, or at least not until later in the day.
"Not until afternoon. Are you leaving?" He rolled onto his back so he
could see her.
" I have some things to deliver." She told him.
He swallowed, seeing her in the morning light he wanted to make love
to her again. He was absolutely infatuated with her.
"Come here." He urged her to lean down over him so he could kiss her.
Her hair fell forward surrounding them both as he kissed her good
morning. She already tasted like coffee and sweet rolls.
"Come back to bed with me." he asked.
She hesitated, she really did need to deliver the baked goods. But he
looked so inviting naked in her bed.
Fin rolled her over pinning her to the bed. "You know you want to."
"I do." She almost giggled. She could feel the hard arch of his
arousal against her thigh. He was very ready to perform again.
He moved against her, lowering his mouth to kiss her neck, laving his
tongue into the hollow of her throat. Helena melted under his touch,
moaning her acceptance of his actions. Fin pushed the sheet away and moved to
cover her with his body. "Tell me what you want."
"I want you." She breathed.
"But how?" he continued to kiss and stroke her, he couldn't seem to get
enough of the taste of her skin.
She tossed her head back as he kissed her throat again.
"What's your favorite position?" He asked wanting to do what she like best.
"I don't know." She answered as he was removing her blouse.
He filled his hand with one breast while tasting the other.
"You like them all?" He guessed.
"I've only tried the one way." She sighed as he shifted his attention to the other
breast.
That was when it hit him, the reason she had been so tight, so
nervous........
He'd been her first lover. Ever. Damn.
"Baby why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't think you thought of me that way." She confessed.
That was fair, that hadn't been how things were between them.
He was braced over her, his erection still pressed tightly to her
body.
That explained her attention to his body last night. Not just petting
but investigation.
"You still get to choose, want to try a different way?" He kissed her
mouth quickly.
"What's your favorite?"
"Na, you pick." He kissed her again.
"Like they did it in that movie." She finally answered.
That made him think, what movie, please not the shower thing, he
wasn't sure he was recovered enough to preform that trick.
"Which movie?"
"You know that one you liked." She as hunting for hints to what was
his favorite position since she didn't have one of her own.
"Who was in it?" He couldn't think. He never should have evaded his choice.
"I know like this," She pushed him up so that she could slip off her
skirt then settled down on his lap with her legs around his waist. His full
erection trapped between their bodies, throbbing for attention.
That made him flash on to a movie scene where Julia Roberts straddled
Liam Neeson when he was sitting in some big over stuffed chair.
"Baby ease back some so we can get together." He lifted her while
positioning his tip so she could slide down over him.
"Go slow, you're still real tight." He helped her to settle carefully
onto him.
"Oh, that's hot, easy, easy." He felt like he was going to finish already.
"You keep telling me I'm tight, I think it's because you're so much."
She was moving on him as she praised him.
"It's both, go slow." He took hold of her waist to keep her from
pumping him dry right at the start. This position would take a little more work
on her half then it would from him. He'd have to concentrate on not coming.
Or so he'd thought, she cried out her climax only a minute after
she'd mounted him.
"You are so hard." She panted just before nearly screaming.
Fin followed her in seconds, his entire body clenching tightly as he came.
He couldn't believe how easily she reached climax. He hardly had to
do anything and she was there. How was it possible she'd never been with a man
until he came into her life?
Helena was wrapped around Fin's upper body. Her chin arched around his
broad shoulder. He was stroking her bare back, she liked his touch.
He held her on his lap for several minutes, recovering.
"I think we need to talk." He eased her off his shoulder so he could
see her face.
"That doesn't sound good. Did I choose the wrong one?"
"Helena, baby there is no wrong one. We need to talk about other
things."
He kissed her slow and gentle then eased her off his lap.
"I'm going to take a quick shower." He stood stretched and walked to
the bathroom.
She stared, he was not at all self-conscious about being naked in
front of her.
Fin stood under the water longer than usual, it felt good he was sore
from the exertion from the aftermath of the explosion. They only good news
about the tragedy, that it really was just an accident. A leaking gas main
that blew up a half a block on 34th street. He found clean clothes laid out for
him. She must have borrowed his keys and gone for his clothes when he was still
sleeping.
Helena wasn't in the bedroom, so he finished drying himself and
quickly dressed. Hanging the damp towel over the shower curtain on his way to the
kitchen. He smelled coffee and something else, something beside the usual
sweet baked sweets she often had on hand.
Helena was standing at the stove. She turned to hand him a mug of hot
coffee as he entered the room.
"Thank you." He took it, set it down on the counter and leaned in to
kiss her. He couldn't help himself he wanted to touch her, every time she
looked at him.
"You're trembling?"
"You said we have to talk, that sounds bad." She explained.
"No, 'Lena, baby it's not bad. I'm not going to make love with you
and then just leave. I'm not like that." He took her hand in his and walked
her to the table, he pulled out her chair for her. He went back for his coffee
then took the chair across the small table from her.
"I hope you don't mind that I went into your apartment for the
clothes. I didn't poke around I just found what I thought you needed and
brought them down here."
"Thank you, I appreciate it. I'm not mad about you taking my keys. It
was very thoughtful of you." He covered her hands with one of his.
"I'd like to ask you why...." he pause already going about it wrong.
'Lena I'm honored to be your first lover." He paused again.
"You were wonderful." She promised him.
He almost smiled, "Wait, let me say this. How is it possible for a
beautiful woman like you to be your age and never ....." he was still saying badly.
But there had to be a reason. Why was he the man she'd waited for?
"If I tell you that, I'll lose you." She began to tear up.
"Is your opinion of me so low that you think I'd stop caring about
you because of something from your past?" Fin questioned.
"Most of my old friends stop wanting be around me."
"Then you had piss poor friends." He told her. "I'm sorry. Look in my
line of work I've heard it all. Just tell me, get it over with, and it'll
be will be done."
"I was raped when I was nineteen." She whispered. Not looking at him.
"I'm sorry, did you get counseling?" He'd guessed as much from all
the clues he'd had over the past few weeks. But after last night, he thought
he was sure.
"Yes, for a couple of years I saw a shrink. It took so long because
it was several men that attacked me." She added. Then looked up to see his
reaction. She saw the pain for her in his eyes, but not the shame, not the
revulsion.
He swept around the table and lifted her into a hug meant to be
comforting. But was almost overwhelming.
He fought to maintain his temper. She was right if he'd know before
they had done it. He would have avoided getting close to her. Now he was going
to have to keep from treating her any differently than before.
"Does this mean you still want to be with me?" Helena asked hanging on
to his shoulders tightly.
"This means I'm not going anywhere." Fin promised.
end