Work Text:
Out of the Blue
by S.
Napoleon Solo was content as he rested on the bed. Their mission had ended in complete success, neither he or his partner had been injured, and best of all, Illya's blond head was nestled on Napoleon's chest. The two men were new to being lovers,but had quickly adjusted to the love they felt for each other.
Gently, Napoleon caressed the strands of blond hair under his hand. Illya's soft snores were endearing, not annoying. The one-time Lothario of UNCLE had never been so happy, so in love.
An urgent pounding at the door of his apartment interrupted all that. Since the building was a secure one, he groaned. Surely it was someone from UNCLE wanting to see the CEA, but why hadn't Waverly called?
Slipping out from under his partner's slim form, Napoleon padded towards the door, opened it and found a young woman standing there. Her long black hair framed a pale face that was covered in too much makeup. In her arms was a large bundle, a squirming, squealing bundle.
"Is Illya here?" She demanded. "I have to see him!" Her oddly wild eyes darted around the room, searching for their prey.
"Mimi! Why are you here?" The disheveled Russian emerged from the bedroom.
"Illya! You have to take the baby. Some men are after me and they might hurt him," the desperate girl pleaded with him.
Urbanely, Napoleon urged, "Won't you come in? I don't think it's a good idea to stand in the hallway."
"Oh, yes of course." Mimi came in and sat down. "Yew is hungry. Do you mind?" Without waiting for permission, Mimi demurely pulled down one shoulder of her dress and began to nurse the voracious, squealing boy.
"Yew?" Napoleon questioned as he glanced over at his partner.
"Mimi likes trees," Illya explained.
"Oh."
"I'm so sorry to bother you, Illya, but you are his father and I knew you would take care of him." Tears dripped down the pale face.
"Illya's his what?" A cold chill ran down Napoleon's spine.
"I brought his diapers and any instruction you'll need. I have to get out of town. You do understand, don't you, Illya? You know I'd never bother you if it wasn't necessary."
The Russian took the dark-haired tot from her arms as she pushed her garment back into position. "Of course, I understand, Mimi. You go on now. I'll make sure Yew is taken care of."
"Thank you, thank you so much. You're a sweetie." Shyly, she kissed Kuryakin's cheek and then hurried out of the apartment.
Illya started to burp the baby with an expertise that spoke of practice while Napoleon just glared at the duo. Suddenly, he couldn't take the cooing anymore. He stalked off into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
It was some time before the door to the bedroom opened. Illya entered quietly. "He's asleep and I think we should talk."
"You think we should talk?" Napoleon fumed. "Why didn't you tell me about Mimi and your baby? I would never. . .well maybe I would have, but why aren't you with her?"
"I met Mimi at one of those jazz clubs in the Village. We did have sex a few times. At the time, I was sure that you and I would never be. . .together so I thought it would be safer to be with women. We were both lonely. Her boyfriend had just left her and you were in one of your carousing modes."
"So she got pregnant and you decided not to tell me you were a father? What kind of partner do you think I am?"
"Napoleon, Yew is not my son. Mimi once used LSD on a regular basis. It's left her with delusions. From time to time, she's imagines that someone is after her. She comes to me because she thinks we're still involved. I reassure her, she goes off and in a week or so she's over the delusion and apologizes. This is the first time she's done it since she had the baby."
"He's. . .he's not your son?"
"No, he's not. That's why her boyfriend left her. He couldn't take being a father."
"So what do we do now?"
"I'll call Mimi's parents. When she went off the first time, I contacted them. They're kind people. I'm sure that Yew will be fine with them."
Napoleon took a deep sigh of relief. "I. . .I'm sorry. I don't like being jealous, but I love you very much. The thought of sharing you with anyoneâ€"even a childâ€"scares the hell out of me," the agent admitted.
"That's all right. We haven't been together all that long. I can understand why you'd be. . .upset."
Napoleon smiled wanly at his lover as he started out of the room. "Illya, there's just one thing. Don't be angry, but why are you so sure that Yew isn't your child? You said that you'd had sex with Mimi."
"Yes, we did, but I quickly realized that she was too emotionally vulnerable for a real relationship. I need someone like you."
"I'm happy to hear that, but how. . . .?"
"Because I had a vasectomy before I came to this country. If you don't believe me, you can ask the UNCLE infirmary. They checked again during my last physicalâ€"no sperm count at all so you can relaxâ€"I won't get you pregnant!"
The blond walked into the next room, laughing all the way.
The End