Work Text:
Vaguely Phallus Shaped
by Sami
Pilink, pilink, pilink pi-link. Spike was going insane. Between the dripping sink and the moron inhaling Twinkies, Spike's hearing was in overload. There were no other noises, none except for the chewing, swallowing, digesting, and dripping. The Moron has been on the same page in that damn comic book for longer than Spike had been had this bloody mud ball they lovingly call Earth. Another Twinkie? The Whelp has had around seven!
Spike had thought long on Xander's preoccupation with Twinkies. He had come to one conclusion. The Whelp is a big poof who enjoys making tied up vampire sex gods, like Spike, watch him put vaguely phallus shaped objects, like Twinkies, in his mouth while he reads comic books. He probably is taping this, Spike thought looking half-heartedly around for a camera.
Spike dropped his head in defeat. His eyes widened. Oh, god, no, God, this is worse than being tied to a chair and forced to watch a closeted homosexual pizza boy eat Twinkies and read a comic book, he thought. He tried to think of unpleasant things. The Master naked, Buffy shagging the commando, that one time Angelus was drunk and did a striptease for the Master. That did it. Spike sighed in relief.
He looked up. The Whelp was putting another Twinkie in his mouth! Spike concentrated on Angelus dressed like Tim Curry in Rocky Horror Picture Show giving the Master a lap dance. He was not going to get another stiffie off of Xander the pizza boy eating Twinkies and reading comic books.
END