SquidgeWorld Archive

La Tristessa Durera 2: Miracle Drug
by Maxwell Roberts

~blah~ thoughts and telepathic speech

"Beneath the noise
Below the din
I hear a voice
It's whispering
In science and in medicine
I was a stranger
You took me in"-U2

He was lying curled up on his side, his good arm cradling his broken one tightly to his chest. He could feel how his lover, Rems was worried about how he had closed up after getting the news from Hank that he possibly could be crippled and blind for the rest of his life. He wanted to reach out and say that it was all safe and things would be awright, but he honestly didn't feel that brave at that point.

He was bloody well scared. His mutation had been an excruciating to deal with when it had come and it had taken him years to get over that.

"Did ye get over it really mate?" The sarcastic little voice in his head asked, making him curl up tighter into himself.

"Naff off." He ordered it as he then shoved those thoughts deep into the back of his mind. He knew that if he kept on thinking that way, he would give into the dark despair and depression that was gnawing at the edges of his mind; waiting to get a chance to tear out and leave him sobbing hysterically on the antiseptic bed in which he lay.

"Jono? Do you want to be alone right now?" Hank asked the young man that lay motionless, looking for all the world like the corpse that he had been so close in becoming. He looked over to Remy when he asked the question and immediately felt a pang of regret for mentioning it. But Remy didn't flinch at the suggestion of leaving his lover alone. He simply stood there, his mouth in a tight line as he let his hand rest on the curve of Jono's shoulder in a comforting gesture.

~"Cher? Do you want us to leave you alone at this time?"~ Remy asked telepathically to his lover after he hadn't made any move to reply to Hank.

~"Yeah, Luv. If ye don' mind. Jus' want some time t'...think on this."~ Jono replied quietly, his voice radiating calm in Remy's head.

~ "Bien. Let me know...if there's anyth'ng else I can do, Cher."~ Remy replied, giving Jono's shoulder a squeeze.

~ "I will luv. I'm not gonna shut ye out. I just want some time alone with this."

~"Bien, Cher."~ Remy agreed before bending down and giving his lover a light kiss and departing gracefully.

"I'll be back to check on you in a while, Jono." Hank told the younger man, who only nodded his response to the doctor before he left the room.

Jono closed his eyes when he heard the click of the door closing behind Hank and bit his lip to keep from crying the minute that he was alone. It wasn't pride that made him keep his lips tightly shut and his eyes firmly closed. Rather, it was that the pain was so acute that he knew if he let himself cry, he wouldn't ever stop. And he was afraid of losing it so completely that he would never get over it.

~ "It's too fucken cruel."~ He thought as he ran his hand over his body, trying to assess all of the damage that had been rattled off to him with his touch. Moving slowly, he could feel the different textures of the materials on his body: gauze, thin cotton, the roughness of plaster and the clamminess of exposed, sickly skin. After all he had gone through, with his body being torn apart and then having to make the devil's bargain to get a semblance of a life back only to be cast into yet another prison created by his body...

He bit his lip, but he already could feel the tingle of tears in his nostrils. He was going to cry and he wasn't sure if he was going to stop.

"Christ." He whispered and angrily rubbed his nose with the back of his hand in a weak effort to stop the tears, but they came anyways. The tears felt like they were scalding, hot and painful against his face as they flowed down his cheeks to soak into the pillow. The sobs broke free then, and he had to bury his face into the wet pillow to muffle them somewhat, but even muffled, they sounded like guttural howls to his ears.

~ "I can't do this. Not like this. God...make it stop. Make it all stop."~

He didn't know if he had simply thought this plea or actually broadcast it out to anyone until he felt a pair of soothing hands stroking his hair as he continued to sob out his despair.

It wasn't until he had worn himself out with weeping, leaving his eyes feeling gritty and his throat raw that he acknowledged someone was sitting beside him.

"Feelin' okay?" Rems asked him. Jono sniffed, wiped his face and nodded. He lay there for several moments before raising his head.

"Does it get better?" he asked hoarsely, his voice shaking slightly. Remy's hand paused in mid-stroke and he sighed softly.

"A little. It's bad at first." Remy replied cautiously, his fingers playing with several spiky strands that remained from the hack job that Hank had been forced to do in order to treat Jono's head wound. "Y're wanderin' around in the dark after bein' used to seein'. It's difficult, kinda like takin' leaps of faith in order to get t' the next place."

Jono snuffed a bit as Remy's hand then moved over to his face and stroked his cheek.

"Then y' get used to it, like Y' got used to not bein' able to speak when y'r power came. Y' make accommodations for it and eventually, y' don't miss it as much."

Jono nodded.

"Yeah. I suppose luv." He paused and cleared his throat, feeling a tad embarrassed at his emotional outburst. "Sorry I nanced out there a bit, luv. It was just..."

"Non, Cher. Y' don't have to apologize for how y' feel. It's a hard thing to face, being tole dose news when y' just came to. There's no sense in keepin' it all inside, cher. Especially when it's something like dis ye have to cope with."

Jono smiled a wobbly smile at Rems and clasped his lover's hand with his own.

"I'm glad ye're with me luv."

Remy smiled and squeezed Jono's cold hand tightly.

"Tojours, Cher. Toujours."

~*~*~*~*~

Rogue was sitting in the kitchen, drinking a cup of chamomile tea and half-heartedly reading the latest romance novel when she heard Remy's and Logan's voices out in the hall and it sounded like they were discussing a serious matter. Curious, she put her finger in the book to hold her place and listened intently to the conversation the two men were having.

"What's the verdict on the kid? Blue didn't say much when he came up for his twinkies." Logan asked in his familiar low growl of a voice. Rogue grimaced when she heard the answering molasses laugh that could only belong to one man. Remy Lebeau. She felt a pang of bittersweet memories flooding her mind when she heard that laugh, but quickly pushed it away in favour of listening to the rest of the conversation.

"Henri said Jono may be blind and paralyzed permanently. De injuries are still too fresh to know what will `appen for sure at this time."

Rogue's hand flew to her mouth, not believing what she had just heard.

"Shit. How's the kid doing?" Logan asked, his gruff demeanor softening a little.

"Better than I did when I first went blind." Remy replied wryly, making Logan laugh.

"He's a strong kid, Gumbo. He ain't gonna take it lyin' down, y' know."

"Oui. I know. I jus' have t' remember dat when the bad days come." Remy replied, a grim undertone in his voice that made Rogue feel vaguely guilty.

"I'm getting' a beer, Gumbo. Y' want anything'?" Rogue's heart skipped a beat as she waited impatiently for Remy's answer, not sure whether she wanted to see him or whether she should simply get up and leave the kitchen. Although she still harboured some hope that she could talk to him soon, she knew that there was no chance of her getting his attention at that time. Especially not after knowing that Chamber was more seriously injured than they had previously thought.

"Non, merci. I jus' came up to get cleaned up a bit and t' get some books and music for Jono. He says he's getting' bored already, jes' lyin' there doing nothin'."

"Fine. Talk to ye later, Cajun. Send my regards to the kid."

"Will do, ol' man." Rogue heard Remy's footsteps move away and quickly opened her book and tried to look as casual as possible when Logan showed up and casually walked over to the fridge. Once he had popped open the bottle, he took a swig and fixed her a cool stare that made her look up from her book.

"What?" she asked, taking a sip of her tea while Logan took a gulp of his beer.

"Nothin'." He replied before walking away, leaving Rogue wondering whether he too knew something about Jono's accident.

Frowning to herself, she made a mental note to visit the infirmary soon.

~*~*~*~*~

"How y' doing, cher?" Remy asked as he sat down next to Jono's bed.

"Miserably bored, luv." Jono replied in a flat voice as he shifted around on the bed to ease the pressure on his still tender back. It had been four weeks since his accident and already he was getting antsy and eager to leave the infirmary. He knew that there was a slim hope of that happening, since he couldn't get out of bed without help lest he aggravate his injuries further.

"I've brought y' more music." Remy told him as he put down the four new cd's he had bought just before coming to visit.

"Thanks so much, luv. Ye're a lifesaver." Jono told him gratefully. If it wasn't for Rems going out and getting him more music and talking to him, he was sure that he would have gone mad a long time ago. Not only was the inactivity killing him, but also the fact that he could do very little to amuse himself apart from music and conversation.

"Any news?" Remy asked as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.

"Things are `ealing up. `Ank says I could be out by next month or so." Jono replied before turning in the direction he felt Remy at.

"Bien. C'est bien. I'm so glad to `ear it, Cher." Remy responded warmly. Jono smiled at that and was about to mention other things Hank had spoken to him about when he felt a subtle undercurrent of excitement coming from the link he shared with Rems.

"Ye got somethin' to tell me luv?"

Remy inwardly cringed at Jono's words. Merde! If only he had been better about not projecting his excitement into the link! It was bad enough that they still didn't know whether Jono would be able to see again, but to let him know that he was going to see at such a time was just rubbing salt into the wound. He debated telling him about the operation for a split second, but changed his mind when he felt Jono's subtle nudges.

"Ah..oui. I do `ave somethin' to tell y'. I spoke t' Henri before y' woke up and he said dat dere's a way t' get my sight back."

"Fuck! Really, luv? That's...bloody great!" Jono replied, hoping that his voice wouldn't falter. After all, he should be happy that Rems was getting a chance to see again. He had always wanted to see those eyes working again rather than blank and haunted all the time.

"That's brill, luv. Ye're gonna get t' see again."

Rems laughed softly, the laughter sounding a little bitter and jaded as he did so.

"Oui. How cruel is that? I'm sorry, cher. I shouldn' `ave..."

"Bollocks, luv. I'm glad you told me. I'd rather find out now than later on." Jono assured him, forcing himself to feel optimistic when he just wanted to curl up and brood over his losses once again. But there was no way he was going to throw a tantrum in front of Rems. Especially not when Rems was excited about something so obviously important to him.

"So when is it going to `appen?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Henri said next week and dat I woul' see `gain in maybe a month or two."

Jono smiled and held out his hand.

"C'mere. That's brill, mate. Truly." Rems reached out and clasped his lover's hand into his own. "Thanks, Cher."

Although he was still feeling raw, he forced himself to smile.

"Anytime, mush."

~*~*~*~*

Rogue took a deep breath and steeled herself as she made her way to the infirmary. She had debated whether she should set foot there and chance angering Re-Gambit, but she had to find out exactly what Jono remembered about his accidents and whether he had said anything about it to Gambit or Hank or anyone that had come to visit him. She had let the matter go for a few weeks until she heard that Gambit was going to travel into New York proper for the operation that Hank was hoping would restore his sight. She had overheard Gambit telling Bobby that the trip would take at least a week or so and that even though Jono had been encouraging about it, Gambit was worried about leaving him alone for that period of time. Bobby had volunteered to keep an eye on Jono before Gambit had left and had done a fairly good job of keeping the younger man occupied. He had also done a good job of keeping her away from him also in the past couple of weeks.

He didn't do it on purpose, but it sure seemed terribly convenient that he was there whenever she had decided to visit Jono. Rogue had begun to have her doubts, but she knew that she couldn't prove them. Plus, there was the fact that Bobby probably didn't know how to be that subtle in the first place, so she didn't have any reason to have those suspicions. But there were times that something would flash in those brown eyes of his that made her wonder whether she had finally met her match and the strange behavior in the kitchen would resurface. When it did, like now, she knew she had to finally stop running around in circles and find out for sure what steps she had to take.

After checking that no one was in the way, she made her way to Jono's room. Swallowing quickly, she knocked on the door.

"Oi? Wot is it, Bobby?" Jono asked his voice sounding thick with barely shucked off sleep.

"Uhm...it's actually Rogue. May Ah come in?" She asked in a polite voice with just enough charm to sweeten the deal, but not enough to make her sound utterly fake.

"Wot for?" Jono asked, sounding slightly more awake that time.

"Ah...jest wanted to talk for a bit, nothin' more." Rogue replied truthfully.

There was silence for several minutes coming from the other side of the door before Jono finally told her she could come in.

She moved quickly and entered the room, stopping only a few feet from the hospital bed in which Jono was sitting up propped up by pillows behind his back while his other injuries were covered up by a blanket. Numerous cds and Braille manuals were scattered over the bed also. If it hadn't been for the metal railings, it would have simply looked as if he was just taking a short rest. But when the cast and the blank eyes were noticed, it cut through the illusion sharply. Rogue swallowed hard and tried not to let the blankness in Jono's eyes get to her. After all, she wasn't there to feel sorry for the kid, she was there to figure out whether she was going to drain him dry or let him be.

"Wot y' want with me, lass?" Jono asked flatly the minute that he had sensed Rogue had stopped. "I know ye're not visitin' me out of the goodness of yer `eart, so wotcher `ere for?"

Rogue winced at the flat tone of voice that the questions were asked in and had to take a few moments to get herself under control before replying to his questions.

"What do you remember of your accident?" Rogue asked him quietly. Jono frowned at her and moved his head as if he was looking down at the light blue blanket that covered his lap. He remained like that for what seemed like an eternity to Rogue until he finally raised his head, making her turn away when she saw his eyes had turned a vivid, glowing gold that made her take a step back.

"Ye let me fall, didn't ye?" he spat out at her, making her wince with the knowledge before her face turned hot with shame and anger.

"Ye thought if I was deid, ye woold get Remy back, didn't ye?" he asked her, his voice nothing more than a slurred growl by that time.

"What of it? He woul' have been mine still if ye hadn't interfered." Rogue shot back, her own temper getting the better of her.

"Rems isn't yers. `E isn't a nancing toy to be played with at yer whim! `E made a choice and the least ye coold bloody do is respect it! We don't `ave anythin' else to bloody well talk about, so fuck off, already before anythin' we both might regret `appens."

Rogue's temper bristled at that command and she moved forward, her hand already bare as she moved quickly to Jono's bedside. She had made her decision and was moving to the conclusion when Jono pushed away all of his trinkets and without warning, fired off a psi-blast at her.

Although it only singed her, it was enough to anger and coalesce her decision to destroy him.

"You're gonna get it now!" Rogue yelled at him as she flew toward him. Jono snarled at her and fired off two rapid blasts in succession. Rogue ducked and weaved past the blasts, making Jono push himself off of the bed and land heavily onto the floor. Rogue smirked and would have reached her goal if it hadn't been for Wolverine tackling her away from Jono.

"Let go! Let go!" she shrieked at him as he pulled her away, not an easy task due to her exposed skin and her flailing about.

"Rogue, that's enough!" Logan shouted at the same time that Bobby and Hank came into the room and quickly went to Jono, who was curled up on the floor, his face a mask of pain and shock as he lay there.

"Get her out of here, Logan." Hank ordered his other teammate as he and Bobby worked together to get Jono back into bed and to check him over for any other injuries or any aggravated ones.

Logan obeyed and dragged a still-struggling Rogue out and unceremoniously dumped her into the danger room, the only location he could think of that was strong enough to contain her and strong enough for Rogue to take her rage out on, since he had a feeling that there was no way to reach her until the anger had gone through her system.

Once he had made the necessary pre-cautions, he then returned back to the infirmary to find Hank and Bobby sitting at Hank's cluttered desk with an unopened package of twinkies in front of them.

"How's the kid?" Hank frowned.

"Good. It was a good thing that he didn't aggravate any serious injuries. Only a couple of broken stitches and bruises. Remy is in there with him right now."

Logan nodded and walked to the door of Jono's room and peeked in the window to see that Gumbo was sitting beside the bed and was holding Jono's hand and talking to the younger man who was lying in bed looking fairly calm despite what he had gone through earlier. The other thing that Logan noticed was different about Gumbo was that he was wearing the dark shades he had so often favored when he still had his sight. Had he...?

He turned to Hank for confirmation, which was given with a quick nod of Hanks' massive leonine head.

He bit off the grin that was threatening to creep over his features before he turned to ask his next question.

"Any reason as to why she went off on the kid like that?"

"Jono told her that he remembered what happened the day of his accident." Hank answered in a toneless voice, making Logan raise an eyebrow.

"She let him fall off the building." Bobby cut in quietly. "She was going to finish him off when he told her that. If Jono hadn't fought back, she would have drained him."

Logan swallowed hard at the revelation.

"Christ."

End.