SquidgeWorld Archive

Realization
by Jools

Gibbs had waited about five minutes before going after Tony, leaving Kate packing up her things and Abby and McGee talking animatedly about whatever film it was they both liked?he didn't recognise the name and didn't really care all that much either. His mind was focused on getting to Tony - his quick exit after Kate's comment had raised some suspicions that he was not as alright as he had claimed after the debacle at the bar with Voss.

He found him leaning over a wash basin in the head, and he entered quietly, standing behind him unobtrusively, waiting. Tony gave no sign he had noticed his arrival for a few moments, splashing some water on his face and drawing out the process. When he finally raised his head, Gibbs frowned at his pale features and shadowed eyes.

"Hey boss." Tony said meekly, turning round without meeting Gibbs' eyes and grabbing a towel to dry off with.

"Dinozzo. You ok?"

"Fine."

"You're not looking so good. How's the head?"

"I'll live." Still avoiding eye contact.

"That's not what I asked." Gibbs said firmly, and Tony glanced up briefly, but ducked back down straight away, not before Gibbs caught the guilt in his eyes.

"A little sore."

"Any dizziness, nausea?" Tony didn't answer straight away, and Gibbs snapped, "Come on, Tony, you know the drill."

"A little dizziness, yeah, but it's not a big deal, boss. I'm fine."

"I'd feel better hearing that from Ducky. Let's go."

"Gibbs, I don't need-"

"I wasn't asking, Tony. Let's go." He held out his arm, gesturing for Tony to go out the door, and the younger agent sidled past it reluctantly, heading for the elevator with Gibbs at his heels, steadfastly ignoring the glances from the other members of the team as they entered.

Inside, Tony swayed a little, catching himself on the wall and feeling Gibbs' arm lock around his waist solidly. He tried to pull away but that dizziness was back and stronger than before and he couldn't quite summon the strength to get away from the warmth of Gibbs' arm, despite the fact he didn't think he deserved it. He cursed under his breath and gave in, leaning into the other man and squeezing his eyes shut.

Gibbs swore himself, adjusting his grip so that he held Tony more securely, cushioning him when the elevator jerked to a stop and leading him out carefully when the doors opened. Tony snapped out of it a little on the walk over, but he held on tightly until Ducky spotted them and immediately signalled for him to put him on one of the tables.

He helped Tony up so he was sitting semi-securely and then let Ducky do his work.

"What happened?"

"He said he was feeling dizzy, so I brought him down here, and he half-collapsed in the elevator." Ducky nodded, shining a penlight in Tony's eyes.

"I'm ok, Ducky," Tony protested half-heartedly. "I'm just tired. If I can get home and sleep I'll be fine tomorrow."

"You can't just go home and sleep, Anthony, you may have a concussion, and someone will have to be with you to wake you up regularly. Preferably someone who knows what they're doing. You'd be better off taking a trip to the emergency room." That startled Tony out of his confused state more than anything else, and his eyes snapped wide open.

"No, I'm fine, honestly. I don't need to go to the hospital."

"You won't have to." Gibbs asserted. "I'll take him home. I can keep watch on him, I know what I'm doing."

"Are you sure?" Ducky asked.

"Positive."

"Tony?"

"Yeah?thanks, Gibbs." Tony replied, still looking utterly miserable but somewhat relieved now that the threat of the hospital had been vanquished.

* * * * * * *

Half an hour later, Gibbs was leading Tony into his house. The younger agent had dozed off on the journey home and was now sleepily obeying Gibbs' every command without question. Although Tony did exactly the same thing at work, Gibbs ruminated, with a few exceptions thanks to the younger man's stubborn, independent streak. He guided Tony to his bed and laid him down in it, setting about pulling the other agent's socks and shoes off.

Tony was one of the most loyal colleagues he had ever worked with. He followed his commands without question and took him at his word without question. Ok, so he occasionally stepped out of line, just like with Voss today, but everyone did that and Tony was for the most part an extremely good agent - thinking on his feet, following orders yet - and this was what Gibbs felt made an agent truly good at their job - not always having to be given the order to do something first.

Kneeling on the bed to undo Tony's belt, he frowned at his wandering mind. Seeing Tony so confused and hurt had ignited his protective streak, or something, he guessed, to make him think this deeply about the younger man. Standing up, he looked down at him, checking the clock quickly. He'd give him an hour before waking him, which he had a feeling wouldn't go down well, even though he'd never seen Tony ill before - not like this, when he was there to look after him. If Tony was too sick to do the job, he called in, and that was the end of it. A couple of days off and he was back, as enthusiastic as ever. Kind of like a puppy. Gibbs could think of a million reasons why that image would come to mind when thinking about Tony - his boundless excitement, his loyalty, his eagerness to please, his big eyes?but somehow thinking about Tony like that wasn't right, because one image of Tony led to a million more that Gibbs was sure would definitely be a version of Abby's 'hinky'. And X-rated, at that. It shouldn't be right, to think about a work colleague the way Gibbs thought about Tony.

Because Tony was another member of his team - a valuable member, no matter how much he might think otherwise. Abby and Ducky had informed him of Tony's insecurities, after he had once casually remarked that the younger agent was probably one of the most confident people he knew.

Abby had laughed. Ducky had snorted. Then both of them had given him the raised eyebrow look - the one that said, `you actually believe that? Man?we're going to have to do something about that`. The looks that only Abby and Ducky could give him. They had proceeded to tell him that if he thought that, he was `severely mistaken'; Tony wasn't confident. It was all a show, hadn't he noticed? The way he got so put out at Gibbs lack of praise towards him. Gibbs had started to protest, but then stopped. Did he give Tony praise? He always assumed the other agent knew how much he valued him, but apparently not.

He looked down at Tony, his face still a little tight even in slumber, emphasising the angle of his cheekbones. Gibbs ran a hand through the spiky hair without really thinking about what he was doing, only knowing that it felt nice, his brain registering the softness as he brushed stray bangs from Tony's forehead.

"I'm sorry, Tony." He murmured quietly. "I never tell you how much I need you." Leaning forward, he brushed his lips against Tony's forehead, and then looked at him for a few moments before stiffening in realisation and leaving the bedroom swiftly. He sat down at the kitchen table and put his head forward into his hands.

He'd thought he was going to say that the team needed Tony, but it had come out more personal than that. No less true, though. The team did need Tony - his light-hearted jokes and silliness, although vaguely annoying at times, kept the team from becoming depressed at what they saw every day. Without Tony, Gibbs admitted, he'd probably be drowning in what he had to see every day, and so would Kate and McGee. Pacci's death had to have hit Tony hard - it had certainly affected Gibbs deeply - but Tony had remained professional in his own personal sense of the word, in that he performed his job the same way as he would have done with any case - professionally, without letting his emotions get to him. Which, Gibbs had to admit, he sometimes had a problem doing. Cases became personal for him very quickly, and Tony had the ability to remain detached that he couldn't have learnt from him.

Damn. Too much stuff to think through, so much that Gibbs was tempted just to stop right there, but that wasn't his method. You couldn't just abandon something you'd started. That didn't make it go away.

So, he was sometimes detached from his agents - but not all the time. First things first, he thought, was to let Tony know that he was a good agent. And that he appreciated having him there. Needed him there. Without him around when Duck, Gerald and Kate had been taken hostage, he didn't think he would have been able to cope. It was Tony who had arranged communication, surveillance, backup teams; it was Tony who had expressed worry at Gibbs going in alone; and it was Tony who had been there after he had been shot, supporting him. And having him there had been damn good - because he knew that he was safe that way, and because the younger agent meant a lot more to Gibbs than he pretended.

There was denying that Tony was hot. Really hot. But he wasn't interested in men, not if the way he talked about his numerous girlfriends was to be believed. Although Abby and Kate had both raised doubts about this. But even if that was fabricated, then his reaction to having kissed a man didn't really give Gibbs much hope. Tony always seemed as straight as straight could be, even if that guy on the street had not thought so. And his comment had conjured up images in Gibbs' mind that hadn't been unpleasant at all. Tony had corrected the man, but instead of acting offended, he'd grinned, making Gibbs more than a little uncertain of Tony's sexual orientation. Hell, he reflected, it had taken him three marriages to figure out where his own interests lay, so it stood to reason that he wouldn't exactly have the best instincts ever.

A low moan from the bedroom distracted him from his confused thoughts, and he was by Tony's side in a flash. The younger man appeared to be waking up, and his eyes snapped open as he sat down next to him, his weight shifting the balance.

"Tony? You feeling ok?"

"I'm kind of thirsty." Tony said hoarsely.

"Wait here." Gibbs fetched him a glass of water swiftly and helped him sit up to drink it.

"Thanks."

"How's your head?"

"Better. Still kind of sore, but not so foggy. Is this?your bed?"

"Yeah. Are you comfortable?"

"Yeah?but you should have put me on the sofa or something." Tony said, his voice still disconcertingly weaker than usual.

"I wouldn't be using my bed anyway. I have to keep waking you, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember." Tony said, looking up at Gibbs for a few moments before turning away like he had earlier when Gibbs had first found him.

"Hey. You going to tell me what's been bothering you since we got back?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Tony snapped.

"I know you're a little freaked out about kissing another guy, but it's ok. Kate was just joking with you, Tony. She's not going to hold it against you or anything."

"It's not that, boss!"

"What?"

"I don't care about kissing another man. Well?it's a little bit weird. But it's because?that bastard killed Pacci, boss. And I went out on a goddamn date with her. Disobeying your orders?it was just supposed to be a stakeout. I'm sorry, I never should have gone out to see her. But?there was an opening-"

"Tony, shut up for a minute, will you?" Gibbs cut off Tony's nervous ramble. "Yeah, you made contact with her, and you knew you were wrong. But everyone makes mistakes, Tony. It's ok for you to make one, ok? Don't beat yourself up about it."

"You're not mad?"

"At you? No. Maybe a little at Kate, for making you so uncomfortable." Gibbs reassured him, and Tony turned over to look at him.

"She was just teasing, you know? That was just?I don't know. After the whole thing it was just driving it home, you know?"

"I guess so. I just thought it was a little heartless. She knew you would be freaked out about kissing a guy-"

"Gibbs, would you drop it? I wasn't freaked out by kissing a guy. I was freaked out by the fact I kissed a guy who disembowelled a friend and colleague. I couldn't care less about kissing another man!" Tony finished, his voice having risen to drive his point home. He raised a hand to his head, grimacing slightly, and Gibbs handed him the water once more. He sipped at it gratefully. "Thanks."

"You ok?" Tony nodded. "I'm sorry. I just figured?you always seem so? straight."

"Yeah, well, appearances can be deceiving."

"Are you saying?what I think you're saying?"

"I don't know, boss. What do you think I'm saying?" Tony asked innocently, a reassuring sign that he was feeling better if his sense of humour was back.

"I think you're saying that you're not as interested in women as you pretend." Gibbs said bluntly. "I think you're trying to tell me that you're homosexual. Or bisexual."

"Bi. Surprised you didn't work it out before." Tony said, his tone defeated. "Does that bother you?"

"No?no, Tony, of course not. It's not going to affect your work."

"Is that the only way you ever think about anything?" The younger agent demanded. "It's always work this, work that?jeez." Gibbs, stunned by the outburst, didn't say anything. "Sorry." Tony said eventually. "I didn't mean to?shit. I think that knock to my head loosened my mouth a little too much."

"No, you're probably right." Gibbs said, deciding that honesty was probably the best policy right now. Tony looked up at him in surprise. "Well, if you're going to be open and honest with me, I guess I should return the favour. I am married to my work. But?I don't have anything - anyone - else."

Gibbs dropped his head in embarrassment at having shared so much, and Tony looked at him sympathetically, resting a hand on his thigh. "You do too have someone else. There's me, for one." Gibbs looked up, eyes burning into Tony's as he mumbled, "and everyone else at work?and there's that redhead-"

"I don't care about any of them as much as I care about you." Gibbs said hotly, suddenly, and then ducked away again. There was a short silence, only the sound of their breathing interrupting.

"Gibbs?I don't know if I'm reading the signs here right - Kate's the profiler, not me - but?if I'm right and you're feeling what I think you're feeling, then that makes me really happy."

"I am. Feeling it." Gibbs affirmed quietly. "But?rule number twelve-"

"Screw number twelve, Gibbs, because with you that's not applicable!" Tony cut in, and Gibbs' head jerked upwards once more. "It's probably about the only way a relationship could work out for you. You said yourself you're married to your work."

"And that rule was to stop anything interfering with my work."

"But don't you see?" Tony gripped Gibbs' thigh harder. "That's why any relationship we had would work. It's hard to explain, Gibbs, but there it is. I'm man enough to admit that I'm not above begging for a relationship with you, boss. I have wanted to be with you for so long. I can't believe you didn't notice?I practically threw myself at you a couple of times."

"I have a bit of trouble with my sight." Gibbs said with a small smile.

"Is that a yes?" Tony grinned, albeit somewhat nervously.

"Yes. That's a yes, Tony." Gibbs said, and then leant forward gently to press a lingering kiss on Tony's lips, moulding them together sweetly.

When he pulled back, it took a moment for Tony to recover, breathing out slowly and smiling up at Gibbs. "Hey." He said lazily.

"Hey." Gibbs replied, grinning back inanely. He ran a hand down Tony's cheek and the younger man yawned widely. "You should get some rest."

"You're not going to go sleep on the sofa are you?" Tony asked wickedly, already shifting over to allow Gibbs some room.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"Good." Tony murmured, his eyes already half-closed. Gibbs hopped in swiftly and immediately found himself with an armful of Tony, burrowing against his chest and wrapping his arms around his middle. He responded as though he'd been doing it for years, and was pleasantly surprised at the way their bodies fit together.

"Night, Tony." He said, feeling the younger agent's breathing already evening out. He received a mumble in return and pressed a kiss to his forehead, and then reached out to turn off the light before settling back down, waiting for the next hourly check. Which, he realised, would be on a brand new day.



The End