Work Text:
The Test
by Exfilia
"Hey, Ducky? Meet us up here. We've got a live one."
"If he's alive, Jethro, you have no need for my services."
"I don't get enough of this from DiNozzo?"
"For today, you'll have to make do. I have a previous engagement."
"Ducky...."
"An engagement with the Virginia Department of Motor Vehicles."
"Can't you put it off?"
"I have. I'm out of time."
"Well, go read the eye chart and get renewed and then meet us at the site."
"It's not that simple, Gibbs, not for...."
"For what?"
"Not for someone of my age. Examiners are quite alert for any indication of incompetence."
"Yeah, well, I'll be sure to tell them how you didn't see the cause of death on your last stiff for twenty-five whole seconds."
"That's not funny."
"That's what this new guy said when the helicopter rotor hit him."
"Someone walked into a moving...."
"No, Ducky, he was a mechanic. A crane dropped it on him. What do you care? It's going to be... whose case?"
"Greene's, I expect. Pity. Reminds me of...."
"Ducky? What time is this test?"
"Far too soon."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Where's Dr. Mallard?" asked McGee.
"He took the afternoon off," Gibbs told him.
"Is he okay?" asked Kate.
"Yeah," said Gibbs.
"Okay," Tony said. "That was the weakest 'yeah' I have ever heard come out of your mouth."
"Well, can I ride with the other guy?" asked McGee.
DiNozzo was instantly alert.
"You don't want to ride with us?" he said with a predatory grin.
"If I could ride *with* you," said McGee, "it might be all right, but the back of the van is a little spartan for my comfort."
Kate shook her head.
"It's a fully equipped mobile crime lab," she said.
"Yeah, Probie, what more could you ask for?"
"Seats?"
"McGee, ride with Dr. Greene. DiNozzo, Kate, in the van, now!"
"So what is wrong with Ducky?" asked Kate.
"Nothing."
"He's not sick, or anything?" asked Gibbs.
"It's just a test! Now pipe down and read your case notes."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
He heard the knocking over the noise of the shower, but ignored it. It didn't go away, not even after he'd toweled off and pulled on jeans and a Celtic jersey. He peeked through the spyhole, then opened the door.
"What are you lot doing here?" he demanded.
"We've got pizza," said Tony, "and a case of Coors."
"And movies," said McGee.
"Casablanca," said Kate.
"And Minority Report," added Tony.
"And a case?"
"Open and shut," said McGee.
"Yeah," DiNozzo added. "Cause of death, crushing trauma involving a helicopter rotor still in it's shipping container. Crane busted a hydraulic fitting just as the vic was walking under it."
"Why?" asked the doctor, standing aside to let them troop into his front hallway.
"Abby said it was a manufacturing defect," said Kate.
"Yeah," said McGee. "She's going to be over later."
"With Rocky Horror," added Tony. "They didn't have a copy at Blockbuster."
"Philistines. Abby's coming, as well? What's all this in aid of?"
Kate shrugged.
"Gibbs said you had some kind of tests today, and we were worried."
"You were concerned about my test?"
"It's none of our business," said DiNozzo, "but, you know, is everything okay?"
Mallard couldn't herp smiling.
"No, Tony, it's not. The picture on my new license looks like a week-dead iguana."
"License?" said Kate.
"Driver's," the doctor told her.
"Oh, man," said Tony. "Gibbs sounded like you were at death's door."
"He is so dead," said Kate.
"It's not entirely his fault," said the doctor, leading them into the lounge. "I was quite anxious, but everything went off without a hitch. Sent you, did he?"
"We didn't tell him," said Kate.
"I didn't think so." The doctor might have said more, but his doorbell rang. "Mr. McGee, if you'd be so kind?"
"So," said Tony, "where do you want the pizza?"
"Hang about," said the doctor, and waited. In a moment they heard McGee's voice.
"Gibbs?"
"Come along through, Jethro," called the doctor.
McGee came through the door first, looking distinctly pale. Gibbs followed him. He was holding a bottle of wine and a single red rose.
"We have movies," grinned Mallard, "and pizza."
"We have to go," said Kate, blushing furiously.
"No," said the doctor, his voice full of genuine kindness. "It was very nice of you to come. Please, open the pizza before it gets any colder, and put on one of the films."
"You sure?" said DiNozzo.
"Very."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"You pissed?" asked Gibbs when the others had gone.
"Not in the American sense, no."
"So why'd you want them to hang around?"
"Because they'd done a nice thing, and I didn't want to seem ungrateful?"
"So you're not pissed?"
"No, Jethro, I'm not angry with you for leading your staff to believe I was at death's door for your own petty amusement."
"You sound pissed."
"Can you imagine," the doctor said, "what we'd have done if we'd let them leave?"
"Had a fight, and then made up?"
"And can you imagine what point in that process we'd have reached when Abby walked in?"
Gibbs tried to suppress his laughter and ended up in a cross between a snort and a sneeze that sprayed beer everywhere.
"Wouldn't have done, would it?"
Gibbs, still choking on laughter, shook his head, wiping his beery face on his sleeve. Ducky picked up a towel.
"Hold still," he said, and touched it to Gibbs's face. "There," he said, daubing gently, "isn't that better?"
"Much," said Gibbs, kissing the doctor's palm.
"And now they're gone," continued Ducky, "we've got all night."
The End