Chapter Text
All that Remains
By Serendipity
Right from the beginning, Elliot and I had been at each others throats. We were divided on every little thing.
Cragen had actually called us on it a week before. Honestly I didn't even notice, we were arguing over paperwork. He told us to get it straightened out.
Get what straightened out Cap? Because I don't know what you are talking about.
Well that's not totally correct, at least for me. I can't speak for Elliot.
Things have changed, I am not sure when really. Early in our partnership, I thought that maybe we could have something...but he is married, and happily so. I didn't want to break up a happy marriage...I would never do that.
So I resigned to that thought, friendship was all we would ever have.
I caught a few glances, or things Elliot has mumbled to me over the years, the way he looked at me a few times, I thought I would melt right there on the spot.
But he always went back to the 'good ole married man' a second later.
Talk about confusing.
I eventually found time to start dating.
There were a few men here and there. Work always got in the way. Which to me was fine, I guess I use work as an excuse not to get to close to anyone.
There have been days where I would walk home from work, and see couples walking hand in hand down the street, whispering to each other like they were the only people in the universe.
I want that.
Why can't I have that?
What did I do in this life, hell in previous lives...that I can't have that?
So our relationship, partnership grew in a different direction.
We don't talk as much as we used to.
And that hurt.
Elliot and I, we used to talk to each other about everything.
Now, hell I didn't even know that Kathy had filed for separation and moved away with the kids, and in with her boyfriend.
Jesus.
His kids, they were his life.
His solid ground in the day when the cases got rough, they were there to comfort him.
I have to wonder how long this has been going on, I can only guess.
Elliot and I started gnawing at each other about a month ago, just little things, really. He would go off without me, do things more on his own.
You know the little things.
He started to disagree on cases more often. He would side with the man and me the female. Then we would battle it out again.
Elliot started to take pot shots at me; you know I could ignore them most of the time, just putting it up to stress, work, the case, home.
Until he told me that I really didn't know what love was or what a family was, since I have never really had a family, and no one really loved me.
Well then.
I went home that night and cried.
How could Elliot say that to me?
I didn't talk to him the next few days unless I had too.
This week we landed this case. He again took his side and I, hers.
Elliot was convinced that she was lying, and was going to do everything in his power to convince me of the same.
A few days in, we actually started to get along a little better, at least I thought so.
Although his actions were more harsh then normal, it seemed like he didn't care much about the circumstances, that the woman was responsible, didn't matter, it was all her fault.
I had to wonder what was going on; Elliot never acted that way before.
It all came down one day when the vic's lawyer met us in Cragen's office. It was the day I found out what was going on with my best friend, my partner.
I wasn't expecting to find out that way. I am positive Elliot didn't either, the look on his face, man if looks could kill.
I have to wonder though, would he have told me at all?
It hurt me that he never told me before this.
But I have to put my hurt aside, I have to go to him.
I have to be there for him, be the best friend, the partner.
Part of me is glad that this is happening. How sick is that? I never ever wanted this to happen to him.
I can see the hurt in his eyes, god I wanted to cry right there.
Cry for him, cry for what his children are going through.
How could anyone do that to this man?
What that lawyer did in there, to use his separation against him...this was just...just unforgivable.
I looked over at Cragen and he nodded, knowing exactly what I was going to ask.
I ran out of his office.
I called for him, I had to know, had to let him know I was there for him.
"Elliot!"
He turned around the second time I called him.
What did he think? That I wasn't going to go after him?
I can understand the need to get away, to just want to be alone.
I can understand that.
But I don't want him to be alone.
I asked him what happened, and all he told me was that Kathy had left.
Maybe that's all I was going to get from him right now.
I want to follow him, but I know that now might not be the time for me.
But maybe.
I head back into the squad room to find Cragen watching me. I look at him and shake my head, knowing he was going to ask if I spoke with Elliot.
"Any luck?" He asks.
"No." I turn around to sit at my desk, "I think he went up to the roof."
"I'll give him few moments."
"Yeah."
Do you really think I am going to be able to do paperwork now
Yeah right.
I don't know how I actually did it, but like forty-five minutes passed. Cragen came over and asked to speak with me in his office.
Elliot still hadn't returned.
tbc