SquidgeWorld Archive

Spike Does Christmas
by Nash

Xander sat straight in Spike's line of vision and pouted, sighed and generally tried to look as miserable as possible. Five minutes later Spike finally caved and asked what was wrong.

"It's one week to Christmas and we have no tree." Xander said sadly.

"Xan, pet, we don't celebrate Christmas, remember?" Spike explained patiently. "I am an evil creature of the night and you are about as unreligious as a person can get. I've known you for, what? Four years? You haven't been to church at all."

Xander looked even more miserable. "That's not the point of Christmas." He sighed. "Willow has a yule log or whatever. Giles has a tree. Dawn talked Buffy into lighting the entire yard with Christmas lights. We have nothing."

"Because. We. Don't. Celebrate. Christmas." Spike stated once again, trying hard not to ask if Xander wanted a tree. That question could only lead to many Christmas-related shopping excursions and sickeningly sweet carols. "Besides, the Big Bad doesn't do tinsel." He asserted.

"Spiiiiike," Xander whined sadly, "It's bad enough that I've spent most Christmases outside in a sleeping bag, and it's a wonder the vamps didn't get me during that time let me tell you. This year I have my own apartment and I have enough money to buy stuff and I want a tree! A real one, with the fresh pine-y smell. I don't even want tinsel on the stupid tree! I want fake snow! And chocolate ornaments…possibly some popcorn. It would be pretty with all the fairy lights and the ginger men! We could make ginger men and hang them up on it." Xander babbled, going from indignation at Spike's lack of Christmas spirit to excitement about his imaginary tree.

"Pet, we don't do Christmas." Spike pointed out again.

"No, no we don't." Xander mumbled, suddenly deflating. "I think I'll go to my room now." He said and shuffled off to the bedroom, leaving Spike staring after him.

Xander picked the most depressing, Spike-repelling country music he could find in his collection and played it as loud as he could. Moments later he heard the front door slam shut. Turning off the music he speed dialed Willow to moan and complain about the way Spike ignored everything he said.

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Seven hours later, dawn was approaching and Xander was frantically trying to find his vampire. He'd looked everywhere, he'd even gone to Spike's old crypt to see if his lover was sulking there but neither he nor anyone he'd questioned had seen the blond. By the time the first rays of the sun peeked out from the horizon Xander was willing to give up Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, even Talk Like a Pirate Day, just to have Spike come back whole and well.

He finally gave up the search and headed for the apartment. If Spike didn't want to be found there was nothing Xander could do but wait until the vampire showed up. He stubbornly refused to admit to the possibility that Spike had finally found trouble he couldn't handle.

He wearily opened the door to the apartment and walked inside, throwing his keys on the table next to the door and his coat on the sofa before making his way to the bedroom. A couple of seconds later he was back in the living room, looking wide-eyed at the huge, decorated tree taking up most of the corner.

The tree was full of multicolored balls, and rows of popcorn were draped over its branches. Some of the branches were spray-painted with fake snow and chocolate figurines hung from them. Spike had bought him a tree, Xander thought in awe. He did it up exactly like I wanted, too.

Finally taking his eyes off the tree, Xander looked at the rest of the room and gasped in amazement. Spike had gotten all sorts of Christmas figurines and knick-knacks and filled the room with them. A huge sign, proclaiming that Christmas Cheer Was Here was hung on the wall and fairy lights covered the windows, blinking prettily and bathing the room in a soft glow.

Xander sat dazedly on the couch, staring at the decorations and mentally thanking whoever had talked Spike into doing this for him. This would be the first real Christmas he'd had since he could remember and he had his vampire to thank for it. Everything was just perfect!

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The first sign that not everything was right came when Spike entered the apartment, singing Jingle Bells. Xander jumped up to hug his boyfriend and thank him for celebrating a holiday he didn't even believe in and froze on the spot. Spike smiled cheerfully at him and kept singing until the moment he leaned forward to kiss Xander. The singing continued the moment his lips retreated, leaving Xander feeling completely confused and bewildered.

Spike was wearing a red sweater. He was wearing a red sweater with Rudolf on it. And Rudolf's nose was twinkling. Spike, though by now Xander had serious doubts about the identity of the man who looked freakishly like his boyfriend, was also wearing a Santa hat. Peeking at the vampire, who was busily placing presents under the tree, Xander also noticed a distinct lack of Docs. Spike was wearing, Santa boots. Boots with little Santas painted on them.

"Spike?" Xander asked cautiously.

Maybe this was a deranged elf or something.

"Yeah, pet?"

It sounded like Spike.

"Remember the time when I took out seven vampires?" Xander asked, trying to gauge his reaction.

A snort of laughter and "Wasn't seven, luv, it was three and you only got them cause I was holding them." Spike said, still snickering.

Yup, it definitely sounded like Spike. But it was still arranging presents under the tree. Decoratively. Even if Spike did celebrate Christmas he wouldn't do that.

"Erm, Spike, sweetheart, could you vamp out for me please? I just wanna check something."

This one earned him a confused look.

"You want me to go all grrr?"

"Erm....yeah. Please?"

Shrugging carelessly, Spike vamped out and looked at Xander for a moment before reverting to his human guise.

Okay so it looked like Spike and sounded like Spike and hell, it even vamped out like Spike. So there was only one logical conclusion....

"Spike? Did you by any chance hit your head or something?" Xander asked worriedly, keeping a safe distance away from the obviously insane vampire.

The blond turned around and blinked at him. "No, I did not hit my head.' He said carefully and looked at Xander as if he was the insane, delusional one. "What's with all the questions, pet?"

"It's just that you don't do Christmas. Or at least you didn't yesterday." Xander explained thoughtfully.

"You have to be joking, luv. Christmas is the greatest holiday of the year! You have Santa and Rudolf and presents and bloody gorgeous decorations. And the food! Christmas cookies and turkey and eggnog. I love eggnog." Spike babbled on, not noticing the increasingly worried look in Xander's eyes. "Wish I had another place to decorate. Ours is completely done." He concluded sadly.

"Sure, Spike. Tell you what, I'll call Willow and try to convert her back to Santa-worship. Then you could ask if she wants help with her house, yeah?" Xander said and quickly retreated to the bedroom.

He quickly dialed Willow's number, tapping his foot impatiently waiting for her to answer.

"Willow? Did you spell my boyfriend?" He demanded the moment she picked up.

"I did not!" Willow protested anxiously.

"Because he's turned into a Christmas freak just a few hours after I complained to you about his lack of Christmas spirit that's why!" He yelled in exasperation.

"Well, I had nothing to do with it!" Willow replied in the exact same tone.

"Then someone or something is messing with Spike. We need to fix it." Xander demanded impatiently. He wanted his boyfriend back to normal damnit!

"Why? So he's a little Christmas-loving, nothing wrong with that."

"Willow, he was singing Jingle Bells and wearing a Rudolf sweater. He has little Santas on his boots! And he's perky! Since when is Spike perky? Willow he babbled!" He yelled, stomping his foot.

"I'll be right over."

Xander hung up the phone and returned to the living room, warily watching his pod boyfriend potter around, Christmassing up everything. By the time Willow got there, Spike was in the kitchen baking Christmas cookies.

"Willow, you have to stop him! He's using up all the frosting!" Xander whined, pointing an accusing finger at the blond. He'd finally managed to get the frosting and plan the evening so that he could use it to cover Spike and now the blond was using it all up! Willow just stood there and stared for a moment, taking in the changes in Spike's attire and attitude.

"He's humming Jingle Bells." She finally managed to whisper, scared to draw his attention. "And he's wearing a Santa hat."

"I know! Fix him!" Xander demanded impatiently.

"Red! My favourite witch!" Spike exclaimed, suddenly noticing them standing there. "Hey, have you ever considered the wonder of Christmas? It's not just for Christians you know, you should try it out a bit, experiment like. Tell you what, I'll decorate the house for you so you can see how you like it." He said, grinning at her expectantly.

"Erm…sure Spike, let me just talk to Xan a bit and then we can go right on over." Willow said carefully, as if speaking to a spooked animal, and backed carefully out of the kitchen.

"He's insane!" She whispered the moment they got out.

"I know! Fix him!" Xander repeated.

"Okay, okay let's just sit down and think about this okay? What happened before he went all…like this.' Willow said, trying to placate her friend.

They went over what'd happened; from the moment Xander started pouting at Spike to the moment the blond stormed out of the apartment. Willow asked Xander repeatedly if he'd said the 'w' word and he swore time and time again that no, he had not wished for anything, could they please fix his vampire now?

"Maybe we should ask him." Willow suggested, looking nervously at the kitchen where the Spike was now singing more traditional carols.

"Guess we better." Xander agreed, sighing sadly.

They returned to the kitchen, inching in slowly and looking apprehensively at Spike.

"Erm....sweetheart? Remember when you left the apartment last night? Did you maybe run into some kind of demony person?" Xander asked, smiling encouragingly.

"Nope." Spike replied looking critically at the cookies he was making. They were shaped like Christmas trees and he was in the process of covering them with green-coloured frosting them green and putting little red blobs of sugar for ornaments.

"Do you remember what happened before you went ins....before you started decorating?"

"Oh yeah. Went to Willy's for a drink and chatted to that short guy. Full of Christmas cheer he was. Thought about stomping him into little tiny bits and smattering him around the bar but decided to go shopping instead." The blond said absently, placing a red blob just so on one of the cookies.

Willow and Xander looked at each other, eyes wide with excitement.

"Did he wear a green jacket with red and white striped socks and possibly a little green hat with a bell on it?" Willow asked, leaning forward a bit.

"Think so, Red. Friend of yours, was he?" Spike asked, looking up for a moment.

"Nope, never met him before in my life." Willow said and dragged Xander back to the living room.

"He met a Christmas elf!" She exclaimed as soon as they were out of the room. Seeing Xander's confused look she went on to explain. "You know how in all Christmas stories Santa has elves to help him? Spike met one of them! They can infuse someone with Christmas spirit and let them enjoy the holidays. He may have overdone it with Spike though." She concluded, looking thoughtfully at the kitchen. Spike was singing Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer.

"Well how do we undo it?" Xander asked anxiously.

"I don't know." Willow said, smiling apologetically.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Xander yelled, glaring at his friend. A moment later he looked down, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "Sorry Wills, I just want my Spike back. The one who's all snarky and semi-evil and who doesn't waste perfectly good frosting!" He said, voice growing louder with every word.

"Look, why don't we call Giles. I'm sure he'll know how to turn Spike back into his old non-frosting-wasting self, 'kay?" She asked, wondering if maybe the madness was catching. Since when did Xander care so passionately about frosting anyway?

Xander nodded, still looking a bit shaken over the loss of the frosting and Willow quickly dialed Giles' number.

"Giles? We need your help!"

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"No, nothing serious, don't worry. Just that Spike had a run-in with a Christmas elf. We need to know how to reverse it." She explained hastily.

"Giles? Stop laughing. Giles, come on, Xander's about to have a coronary over frosting for heaven's sake, we need to get Spike back to normal."

"Uh-huh....yeah....so there's nothing we can do? Okay Giles. Bye!" Willow concluded the conversation

"Well? What'd he say" Xander demanded anxiously, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he waited for Giles' verdict.

"He was giggling too hard to explain everything. Ever notice how Giles will giggle at anything? Stuffy Brit or not the guy can have a giggling fit longer than Dawn!" Willow babbled, until she saw her friend glare at her angrily. "Oh fine. He said that it would run its course and then go on its own. Spike's like a kid on a sugar high, at some point he'll drop and then when he wakes up he'll be his old self."

"Oh. Okay then." He said hesitantly.

"He'll be fine Xan." Willow reassured him before saying her goodbyes and leaving him alone to deal with his vampire.

As he was closing the door behind his friend, Xander heard a crash in the kitchen and ran in to find Spike sprawled on the floor, cookie dough and frosting smattered over his body and face.

Thanking all kinds of gods and angels, Xander dragged Spike to the bathroom and cleaned him up as best as he could before putting him in bed. Under normal circumstances, Spike would be wide awake at the first sign of movement but the Christmas cheer thing seemed to have sapped all his strength and he just lay there throughout the process.

Xander stood next to the bed for a while, looking at his lover. He could never get over how damn peaceful Spike looked when he was sleeping. He knew it was a cliche and all, mass murderer looking calm and angelic in repose, but Spike did look so gorgeous when he was asleep.

With a sigh that had more to do with the state of the kitchen and less to do with the beauty of the boyfriend, Xander left the bedroom to do some cleaning. Forty-five minutes later the kitchen was relatively clean, though the frosting was completely used much to Xander's dismay, and the brunet was climbing into bed and spooning behind Spike.

"Xander?"

"Yeah?"

"Did I decorate the house?"

"Yup."

"Wearing a Rudolf sweater?"

Xander was beginning to enjoy this line of questioning.

"Yup." He snickered.

"Santa hat?"

"Uh-huh."

"I didn't bake Christmas cake and biscuits."

"You did."

Spike groaned and hid his face in the pillow, his voice filled with self-loathing.

"Please...please tell me I didn't sing Jingle Bells."

"You didn't sing Jingle Bells...except in the sense that you did."

Xander snickered again. Taking in the wretched state of his boyfriend he petted Spike's hair and leaned close to whisper softly in his ear.

"Willow heard you as well."

Spike groaned and pressed his face harder into the pillow and Xander grinned evilly. That was for the frosting.

THE END