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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-04
Words:
573
Chapters:
1/1
Kudos:
11
Hits:
1,295

Enigma

Summary:

'I hate him. I love him. I can’t stand to be around him. I want him so bad it hurts.' Logan POV.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

I hate him. I love him. I can't stand to be around him. I want him so bad it hurts.

He's a walking contradiction, that boy; an enigma, capable of being maddeningly arrogant and ridiculously insecure, fiercely independent and hopelessly needy, amazingly kind and shockingly cruel by turns.

I don't understand him and I don't try to. I gave up that pointless pursuit a long time ago along with my hopes of ever taming him. Most people don't realize it, but Remy's wilder than I could ever lay claim to being. His heart and mind are uncharted territory and I can't see myself ever knowing what lies in their most far-flung reaches.

I hate him for his maddening arrogance, his insufferable cocksure attitude, that insufferable swagger and unflappable grin.

I love him for the vulnerability he hides...for the fact that he's not what he seems on the surface, for the way he always seems to know what to say when I'm hurting and the way he understands that sometimes words aren't what I need.

I hate him because I see in him the things I hate about myself - the arrogance and the need to pretend that we're invincible, that nothing can hurt us. I hate him because he's a mirror that reflects all I don't want to face in myself.

I love him because I know what's under the surface. I love him because he knows me the way no one else does, because he knows me better than I know myself. I love him because he deserves...because he needs to be loved.

I hate him because he forces me to admit that I can't live without love, even if that love comes at a price. He forces me to face that side of myself that I long ago disowned. The side that tells me that I can't live my life alone, that I need the warmth of human contact...need to be loved.

I love him because he's never backed down from the side of me that demands solitude and pretends not to need anyone...not to need his love. He's nothing if not insistent...even I can't deny him the satisfaction of knowing that he was right, that I need to be loved as much as he does.

I hate him because he's everything that I hate about myself...I hate him because he's everything I never wanted to admit I needed...I hate him because he's everything that grates on my nerves: moody and arrogant and smug and so self-confident that I want to swipe that grin right off his face.

I love him because he knows me better than anyone else ever could, better even than I know myself...I love him because he's everything I never wanted to admit I needed...I love him because he's an entirely different person on the inside: scared and vulnerable and wild and capable of such awe-inspiring love that I can't believe I'm lucky enough to have ended up with him.

I'll never understand him completely...every time I think I've got a handle on him, he shows another side of himself that I never would have fathomed even existed. He's a mystery, an enigma, a mind-bending contradiction.

I love him and hate him by turns...never knowing which of his many sides he'll choose to show me, but one thing is for certain, I love a good mystery.

END

Notes:

This orphaned work was originally on Pejas WWOMB posted by author Xanax.
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