{"id":191,"date":"2011-07-26T23:32:19","date_gmt":"2011-07-27T06:32:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.squidge.org\/patt\/?page_id=191"},"modified":"2011-07-27T21:50:56","modified_gmt":"2011-07-28T04:50:56","slug":"e-harmony","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.squidge.org\/patt\/?page_id=191","title":{"rendered":"E-Harmony"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

E-Harmony by Patt <\/p>\n

Summary: Jim is filling out papers for he and Blair because they don\u2019t seem to be getting anywhere in their personal lives by themselves.<\/p>\n

Blair got home from the university and was exhausted. He hoped that Jim was cooking dinner because he wasn\u2019t in the mood. If he had to listen to one more immature student this week he was going to have to take a vacation. He realized they were young and somewhat immature, but did they have to act like it all the time? Suddenly he felt very old. For crying out loud, you\u2019re only 26. You\u2019re not ready for the old age home yet. Blair wished he had a date for tonight. And by date he meant a male date. He needed to get his brains fucked out. Yes, that\u2019s what he needed. Maybe he would call Tyler after dinner. Thankfully Jim understood about the whole bi-sexual relationships from time to time. Blair often wondered if Jim ever slept with a man. Now, Jim is someone I would love to sleep with.<\/i> Blair got to the front door of the loft and smelled something wonderful and smiled immediately. Jim had cooked. Smelled like meatloaf. He could only hope. Blair loved meatloaf. He opened up the door and found Jim doing some paperwork at the kitchen table. Jim almost hid it when he saw Blair come in. <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat? You didn\u2019t hear me banging up the stairs? The elevator\u2019s out again,\u201d Blair said. <\/p>\n

\u201cYou had to work late tonight. Dinner\u2019s been done for an hour. You ready to eat, Chief?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cYou better believe it. I\u2019m starving and I could smell this downstairs. Okay, maybe not downstairs, but outside the door. I\u2019m so jealous of your senses.\u201d <\/p>\n

Jim laughed as he put the paperwork away and set the table quickly for dinner. \u201cWe\u2019re having mashed potatoes, green beans and meatloaf. Just the way you like it, too.\u201d <\/p>\n

Blair began to dig in and Jim smiled to himself. He loved making dinners for Blair, but he wouldn\u2019t admit to it. He liked doing a lot of things for Blair, but Blair didn\u2019t seem to have any interest in him, so he let his mind stay on the food instead. <\/p>\n

They ate silently and Blair couldn\u2019t fill his plate up the second time fast enough. He was starving. \u201cI didn\u2019t eat anything today, but that granola I had this morning. I was hoping a certain partner of mine would come over to the Uni and save my butt and take me to lunch. But no. Instead I had to put with the whiners and the brats all afternoon. I deserve this dinner. Thank you.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cYou are most welcome, Chief. I\u2019m glad that you like it. I thought we might have enough for leftovers for tomorrow, but I think we might only have enough for a sandwich for each of us to take to work tomorrow.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cI love meatloaf sandwiches. Especially your meatloaf sandwiches. Thanks again,\u201d Blair said. <\/p>\n

Jim smiled as he got up to get containers for all of the leftovers. They cleaned up the table, the kitchen and did all of the dishes while talking about their day at work. <\/p>\n

Blair was making Jim smile with his tales of the rich bitch that was coming on to him in his classroom in front of everyone. Blair was so offended by it. He was the teacher damn it and he wanted to be taken seriously. <\/p>\n

\u201cChief, she can\u2019t help but like the looks of you. Can\u2019t blame her for trying.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I can. And I do blame her for trying. I\u2019m her teacher and that\u2019s what I told the entire class today. I haven\u2019t got time for this crap. They had the nerve to laugh about it. Do you believe it?\u201d Blair was so irritated that he was getting angry again. <\/p>\n

\u201cBlair, you have a way about you that everyone wants to date you. People fall all over themselves at the station to get your attention. You don\u2019t seem to notice most of the time. I did see that you took notice of Bradley Carson from Vice.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cWho wouldn\u2019t notice Bradley Carson from Vice? Whoa, what a hottie. I really, really would have liked going out with him, but he said he doesn\u2019t date anyone at the station. He just flirts. He\u2019s a pig.\u201d <\/p>\n

Jim burst out laughing and said, \u201cHe is a pig.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cI know, that\u2019s what I said. You don\u2019t go flirting with everyone and then shoot them down when they ask you out. It\u2019s just not good practice. I really thought we had a connection. Come to find out, he just liked to tease me. What a jerk and a cock teasing pig.\u201d <\/p>\n

Jim laughed some more and said, \u201cI have some things I\u2019d like to discuss with you tonight. You might not like the sounds of it at first, but they guarantee results or your money back.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cOh man, are you seeing a prostitute again?\u201d Blair teased and smacked him on the shoulder. <\/p>\n

\u201cVery funny. No, I\u2019ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I have some things to discuss with you.\u201d <\/p>\n

Blair sat down at the table and said, \u201cHit me.\u201d <\/p>\n

“You’re 26 and single, I’m 36 and divorced, what are we doing wrong?” Jim started out the conversation. <\/p>\n

\u201cWait a moment. You make it sound like we\u2019re a step away from an old age home. Did you happen to stop by Walgreens and get some Depends while you were at it?\u201d Blair was shocked. <\/p>\n

\u201cI just figure that we\u2019re doing something wrong. You haven\u2019t had a date in like a month. I haven\u2019t had a date in three months. What are we doing wrong?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cJim, we\u2019ve been super busy with work, my school, my students and life in general. I haven\u2019t had time for anything. I think we can find our own dates.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think it would hurt to have some help. Maybe we could find someone to settle down with,\u201d Jim suggested. <\/p>\n

\u201cYou want to settle down? You settled down once and it didn\u2019t work. Why would you want to try it again?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cBlair, we all make mistakes and we need to make more in order to grow.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cSo like you could be dating a Carolyn look-a-like and act-a-like and fall for her and divorce again?\u201d Blair wondered. <\/p>\n

\u201cActually, I was thinking more on the lines of a man. I don\u2019t want to date anyone from the station. I don\u2019t think Bradley Carson is a hottie, so he does nothing for me. I just thought it would be a place to meet someone nice and have some dates. We don\u2019t have to get serious, we could just date a lot. It\u2019s not that expensive. The most expensive part would be taking them out for dinner every time. Do we have to take them out more then once before we dump them?\u201d Jim asked seriously. <\/p>\n

Blair laughed very loud and very hard. \u201cJim, why would we be dating someone we want to dump? I think it\u2019s a bad idea. Let me find someone for you. I know a lot of gay guys at the University and they would love to date you. You\u2019re very sexy in your own gruff way.\u201d <\/p>\n

Jim smiled at the backward compliment and said, \u201cWho do you know at the University that I could date?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cCharles Miller is a nice guy. Super nice guy. He teaches math and is semi tall and handsome too,\u201d Blair said smiling. <\/p>\n

\u201cCharles Miller from the University party two weeks ago? He\u2019s a nerd. I don\u2019t want to date him. Isn\u2019t there anyone else that you know of?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cJim, I didn\u2019t know you were so picky. Okay, how about Rick Reynolds? He teaches shop and Phys-Ed. What do you think of him? He liked the looks of you and asked about you after the party,\u201d Blair wiggled his eyebrows up and down and smiled. <\/p>\n

\u201cGeeze, Rick is a nice guy and everything, but he\u2019s like five feet tall. I honestly think he\u2019s a dwarf. I would feel self-conscious dating him.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cJim, he\u2019s five foot, six. He\u2019s almost the same height as me. Get a grip. Are you going to find something wrong with everyone I think of?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cWho\u2019s next on this fabulous list of yours?\u201d Jim asked. <\/p>\n

\u201cHow about Juan Chavez? He\u2019s really nice. He\u2019s the maintenance man for the first floor of the University. You\u2019ve met him at my office before. What do you think of him? He thinks you\u2019re hot.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cHe doesn\u2019t do a thing for me, Chief. And honestly can you see introducing the two of us at a party or something. This is Jim and Juan.\u201d Jim burst out laughing and Blair glared at him. <\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, I\u2019ve run out of guys. Do you have any other clever ideas? And before I forget, since when do you date guys?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve been dating guys since you were a youngster, I\u2019ll have you know,\u201d Jim said. <\/p>\n

\u201cJim did you happen to get any of those Depends, because I think you need to put one on. You\u2019re fucking old.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cHa ha ha. That almost made me really laugh.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cJim, you\u2019re not that old. You\u2019re making yourself sound like you\u2019re ancient. Although, then I could study you if you were old enough,\u201d Blair kidded. <\/p>\n

\u201cOh there he goes with the old age jokes again. And then you wonder why I say I\u2019m old.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cSo you really want to date someone from E-Harmony?\u201d Blair asked. <\/p>\n

\u201cNot really, but I can\u2019t seem to find any dates on my own.\u201d Jim pulled the paper out and said, \u201cLook at all of these questions they ask.\u201d <\/p>\n

Blair looked over the paper and he looked up at Jim oddly. \u201cJim, it says you prefer someone in the 5\u20197\u201d to 5\u2019 9\u201d range. You want a short dude?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I like my men shorter them me. Got a problem with that, Chief?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I\u2019m just surprised. I figured you would put down an action figure as the example of what you\u2019re looking for. Tall, hunky and strong.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I like my men smaller and very smart.\u201d <\/p>\n

Blair thought a minute and said, \u201cWait a minute, you said Charles Miller was a nerd. He\u2019s smaller and smart as a whip.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cHe is a nerd, Chief. If you looked up geek in the Wikipedia his picture would be there with a warning,\u201d Jim joked. <\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, so you want them smart, but not nerds. Jim, this might be difficult. I think you need to look more in the line of civil servant jobs. Another cop from a different precinct would be a good idea. Oh my god, I thought of someone that would be perfect. He\u2019s from Station House 11 and his name is Sidney Shafer. Super nice guy, I would date him but he likes his guys big and buff. Like you,\u201d Blair said happily. <\/p>\n

\u201cI dated him once and he was an asshole. He thinks he is much better then anyone else. Do you know he asked me out for dinner and then split the cost of it with me at the end of the meal?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cSo Sidney is a no go. You know Jim, I think you\u2019re a little picky. Tell me what you\u2019re looking for in a man,\u201d Blair asked once again. <\/p>\n

\u201cShorter then I am, smarter then I am and much nicer looking then I am,\u201d Jim said. <\/p>\n

\u201cGeeze, Jim, that\u2019s going to be like super hard. You\u2019re too good looking to start with and you\u2019re plenty smart, book and life smart.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cThink a minute and see if you can think of anyone like that. I\u2019m going to suggest some people at the station for you,\u201d Jim said. <\/p>\n

\u201cOh goody. Lay it on me, my man.\u201d <\/p>\n

Jim thought for a moment and said, \u201cGeorge Baxter in Records is very nice looking and a really nice guy. At least that\u2019s what I\u2019ve heard.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cOh God, I hate George Baxter. He\u2019s a snob, Jim. A total and complete snob. He snubs me every time I go into Records. You, he\u2019s nice to, but me, he could care less about.\u201d <\/p>\n

Jim leaned his head back and continued to think. \u201cOh, I have one. Ben Rawlins in Traffic. He\u2019s cute, he\u2019s cute and he\u2019s cute. What do you think of him?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cJim, he\u2019s with someone and he\u2019s not my type anyhow,\u201d Blair assured him. <\/p>\n

\u201cWho the fuck is your type, Sandburg?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy are you getting so touchy about this? You\u2019re the one who shot down all of my ideas for dates for you. I like my guys taller then me, muscular build and very nice looking. Don\u2019t give me that look. I like a good looking man. So shoot me.\u201d <\/p>\n

Jim thought for the longest while and finally said, \u201cI can\u2019t think of a damn person for you to ask out. I say we go for E-Harmony.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to date a stranger that I don\u2019t even know if I\u2019ll like enough to pay for dinner for them. How about Speed Dating? They have it at the University. Have you ever heard of that?\u201d Blair inquired. <\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I\u2019m heard of it, Chief, but I don\u2019t think you get a proper idea of what someone is like in five or ten minutes. No thank you.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cHow much is this E-Harmony anyhow and why now?\u201d Blair asked. <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m lonely. I mean its great having your friendship, but I\u2019d like someone to spend the night, someone to wake up to in the morning. That hasn\u2019t happened in a really long time.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you think brought this on?\u201d Blair asked. <\/p>\n

\u201cI was sitting here thinking about how life is passing us both by. We spend way too much time together. We go to the games together, we go out to eat lunch and dinner together, we see movies together, museums, art shows and everything else we do together. We\u2019re going to be alone for the rest of our lives and I just felt like time was not going to be kind. In a few years, no one will want to date me. I\u2019ll be old, wrinkled and out of shape. Who would want to date a has been?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cI would date you over anyone I\u2019ve met at the station and that includes the hottie I mentioned.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cYou would date me? Blair, I\u2019m so not your type. I\u2019ve seen the guys you bring by now and then, they are nothing like me,\u201d Jim stated. <\/p>\n

\u201cIf I wanted to date you, I would date you, I wouldn\u2019t date anyone else because he was or wasn\u2019t like you. That\u2019s just rude.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cSo let me get this clear. You would date me?\u201d Jim was still a little confused. <\/p>\n

\u201cJim, what is your problem understanding things today. Of course I would date you. You\u2019re my best friend in the world. We do everything together, we like the same things, we love to go to the same places and I know you better than anyone else.\u201d <\/p>\n

Jim just sat there with his mouth opening and closing, reminding Blair of a fish out of water. <\/p>\n

\u201cSo do you want to date me? Am I your type at all?\u201d Blair asked. <\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re exactly my type. I just didn\u2019t think I was your type.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cJim, let me get this straight. You didn\u2019t notice that the last guy I dated had a crew cut, muscles and was in the service? I was hot for him because he reminded me of you. Yes, I know I\u2019m shallow and a creep.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cWas he like me?\u201d Jim wondered. <\/p>\n

\u201cNo, he was nothing like you. I wouldn\u2019t give him anything that night and he got pissed off and shoved me around a little bit. Don\u2019t get all crazy, man, I shoved him back. I gave him as much as he gave me.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cWas this that last guy you dated?\u201d Jim asked. <\/p>\n

\u201cJim, it\u2019s over and done with. Let\u2019s get back on track. So you want to date me?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Chief, I want to date you. I want to take you out on some dates before we sleep together. I want us to be exclusive. I want us to be happy. I want us to be in love,\u201d Jim said dreamily. <\/p>\n

\u201cThen I think we should do it. Tear up those E-Harmony papers. We don\u2019t need no stinking help with dating. We\u2019ve got exactly what we need right here in the loft. We\u2019re going to be happy. I already love you, man and we will be exclusive.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about dinner at Chelsea\u2019s Pub tomorrow night, followed by some fantastic necking on the sofa?\u201d Jim asked. <\/p>\n

\u201cI have a counter-offer. What about we have dinner tomorrow night, but we neck on the sofa tonight to give us some practice? We have to see if we\u2019re compatible after all. Right?\u201d Blair said. <\/p>\n

Jim smiled at Blair and answered, \u201cThat\u2019s true. What if we kissed and nothing happened between us. I say we try it tonight and if it doesn\u2019t work out we\u2019ll try E-Harmony.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cOh fuck, E-Harmony. Come here.\u201d Blair pulled Jim close to him at the table and kissed him licking Jim\u2019s lips on the way into his mouth. They kissed for about ten minutes and then Blair pulled back and said, \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d <\/p>\n

Jim got up, tore up the papers from E-Harmony and pulled Blair up so that they could neck on the sofa. <\/p>\n

\u201cAt least we\u2019re compatible.\u201d Blair stated. <\/p>\n

\u201cChief, I always knew we would be. I\u2019ve wanted you for a long, long while.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cWhy did you wait for so long?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cIt has to do with me being 36 and once divorced. I thought I was used goods, maybe even damaged goods. Why didn\u2019t you say anything?\u201dJim asked. <\/p>\n

\u201cI thought you would think I wouldn\u2019t settle down for one person. I wanted you to believe it before I made my move. Boy I\u2019m sure glad we had this discussion today,\u201d Blair admitted. <\/p>\n

Jim pulled Blair onto the sofa and said, \u201cFive dates before we sleep together. Then we\u2019re sure.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cI disagree with that, but if that\u2019s what you want, then that\u2019s what you\u2019ll get. I\u2019ll adapt,\u201d Blair said smiling. <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean you disagree? What are you thinking about?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cI was thinking about having you help me move upstairs and sleeping on the big bed tonight. That\u2019s what I was thinking about. You kiss mighty fine, Mr. Ellison.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cThank you. Blair, I really feel like we should take our time.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cWhatever works for you, I\u2019m fine with. But just know I\u2019m going to be whacking off in the bedroom all night long after making out with you.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s try this necking and see how it goes. We can play it by ear.\u201d Jim ignored Blair\u2019s last statement. <\/p>\n

They started necking and before long, Blair was sitting on Jim\u2019s lap and Jim was humping against Blair. \u201cHey, we\u2019re supposed to be taking it slow,\u201d Blair said panting. <\/p>\n

\u201cJim pushed Blair over on his own side of the sofa and said, \u201cSorry Chief. I got carried away. Your taste is wonderful. I could spend an eternity in your mouth alone.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s call it a night, Jim and we\u2019ll go for dinner tomorrow night and make out again. We\u2019re going to do this right.\u201d <\/p>\n

Jim kissed Blair one more time and said, \u201cGoodnight, Blair.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cGoodnight, Jim.\u201d <\/p>\n

They both went to their separate beds and tossed and turned most of the night. Jim was so stiff he could pound nails with this hard on. But he really wanted this to work out right, so he was going to have to slow things down. <\/p>\n

!!!!!!!!!! <\/p>\n

The next morning, Jim kissed Blair and said, \u201cYou know, I\u2019m 36 and divorced and you\u2019re 26 and single and I think we should be together from now on. We\u2019re both off today, how about we move all of your things upstairs?\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cSounds like a solid plan to me, Jim. I\u2019ll make breakfast while you make the coffee.\u201d <\/p>\n

Jim was pouring the water into the coffee pot and said very casually, \u201cIn case you were wondering, I\u2019m in love with you.\u201d <\/p>\n

Blair smiled. \u201cI love you too.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cSo what are we making for breakfast?\u201d <\/p>\n

Blair almost flew over to Jim and said, \u201cFuck breakfast. In fact, fuck the coffee. Let\u2019s just fuck.\u201d <\/p>\n

Jim took Blair up the stairs and that\u2019s exactly what they did. <\/p>\n

The end <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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