The Oxford University Folklore and FanFiction Society
Meeting Minutes - 06 November 2004
at chez Tyrannist/News Cafe, saturday 06 november, 2pm
present: Tyrannist, Co-Founder/non-Treasurer, President of Vice, PV's associate, Recording Secretary, Lad Who Does Not Skip (renamed Head Boy)
absent: Hat Officer
2:15pm, chez Tyrannist - Head Boy arrived on time. Recording Secretary was late, but nevertheless the second to arrive. Pres. Vice and associate arrived next, followed finally by Co-Founder/non-Treasurer, who lives only two floors up.
Who has done the reading? N (Head Boy) did it at 11am Saturday, while most if not all other members were still asleep. Tyrannist was in dream-land, having a dream she refused to share with the general membership.
RS hadn't eaten, and advocated moving the meeting. Head Boy is afraid of other people. Discussion of where to go; N will be protected by motley group of women.
2:45pm, News Cafe - discussed initiation rites, The Hat, and creating urban legends for the future.
News Cafe v. expensive! In tourist-land, so not entirely surprising.
2:50 - Tyrannist recaps reading:
Landfhal (or whatever it's called)
>>but wait! vote on non-requirement of reading -- reading will be available, but person whose idea each reading was will recap. motion carried.
diorama in progress with props in form of salt shakers.
back to Landfhal.
Lanval rides to Camelot and has no friends, like Rudolph. He is smart, rich, a visiting prince from another kingdom -- a Rhodes scholar, more or less. King Arthur hates him. Sir Gawaine likes him, or at least feels guilt. Lanval hunts by himself in the woods.
Women like him just fine; Queen Guinevere in particular finds him very attractive. She hits on him at a picnic; he says no, thank you.
One day in the woods he meets a gorgeous woman and her gorgeous retinue. He is smitten, and they become lovers, with the proviso that he must never speak of her to anyone.
Meanwhile, people are confused. Why is a good-looking young man with all these skills who makes a good living still single? The queen propositions him again, and fails. She is furious, and goes to the king, accusing Lanval of trying to rape her. But because of his promise to the woodland lady, Lanval cannot defend himself against the charge; he promised not to reveal her name.
Fortunately, one of the handmaidens arrives to testify on Lanval's behalf. He is released, and rides off to Avalon with the woodland lady, and the court at Camelot are all ashamed of themselves.
Head Boy, who did the reading Tyrannist provided, says that's not what happened at all.
Okay, it's similar. Sir Gawaine pities Lanval, whom the lady in the forest gives a purse that never empties (among other things).
Lanval does tell Queen Guinevere about his other lover.
She accuses him anyway, and King Arthur puts him on trial before the barons, led by Gawaine, who asks for proof of this other woman. Lanval refuses, confirming this insult to the queen -- I am in love with a woman more beautiful than you, but I refuse to prove that she exists, etc.
Finally, the lady from the forest herself arrives, all the barons agree she's much more beautiful than the queen, and she and Lanval ride off together into the sunset.
Knight of the Cart
Lancelot and Guinevere are in love - she is abducted by Malegeaunt. Many knights plan to Quest to get her back.
Lancelot, a bit single-mindedly, goes off on his own; he is stopped by a Black Knight guarding the river, who had called to him several times to pay the toll, which he hadn't heard because he was so focused on his quest. He fights the Black Knight and wins.
Lancelot asks people in general if they have seen the queen; a dwarf with a cart has seen her! He will take Lancelot to where she is! Just hop in the cart!
At this point, Chretien goes off on a socio-cultural tangent about the incredible dishonor of a knight getting off his horse, in the first instance, and getting into a cart, in the second.
Lancelot is being carted around by this dwarf, pelted with tomatoes and so forth by local peasants who assume he is a villain or prisoner of some kind. They run into Gawaine, also looking for the queen; the dwarf offers to take him along as well, just hop in the cart!
Gawaine asks if he can't just follow the cart on his horse. Dwarf says, sure! This demonstrates (a) that Lancelot is not very bright, and (b) [insert joke about putting the cart before the horse].
They reach Malegeaunt's castle and defeat him out front; Malegeaunt runs inside and pulls the door shut or similar. Lancelot scales outer wall to tower room where Guinevere is being held; tears up his hands, bleeds on the sheets, sneaks out in the morning.
Head Boy says:
The online version was the same up to the cart bit, but Lancelot was sort of an unknown knight, and wound up in the cart because he'd borrowed a horse from Gawaine and ridden it to death.
Gawaine disappears at this point to search for an underwater bridge, and is not a part of the rest of the story.
Lancelot meets another woman who promises to tell him where the queen is if he will sleep with her. He goes back to her castle with her, then saves her from apparent imminent rape -- but it was a test! And he passed! And she does not require him to sleep with her.
He finds a Sword Bridge, which may have lions on the other side. His instant retinue says crossing this bridge is a Bad Idea. He does it anyway, cutting up his hands and feet, and there are no lions. He fights Malegeaunt and is losing, but sees Guinevere at the window, and begins fighting better.
Guinevere agrees to call Lancelot off at the request of Malegeaunt's father, who's not such a bad sort.
Lancelot sleeps with Guinevere. Malegeaunt sees the blood (from Lancelot's cut-up hands and feet?) and challenges Lancelot for Guinevere. A plan is worked out whereby Lancelot can take Guinevere back to Camelot, but he must return in a year and fight Malegeaunt again, and the winner will keep her. Malegeaunt is dastardly and tries to imprison Lancelot so he won't show up for the fight and will therefore forfeit, but Lancelot prevails.
comparisons
Guinevere is inconsistently bitchy, but generally something of a slut. Lancelot is generally stupid (K suggests "gullible"), but usually features some degree of integrity.
Gawaine! where was the underwater bridge? did he ever return? (RS had "Charlie on the MTA" in her head at this point. "Let me tell you a story of a knight named Gawaine, on a tragic and fateful day ...") Gawaine is sort of boring, but only when he's a secondary character. He's much more interesting as a lead. The knight who's really boring is Sir Galahad.
discussion of movie night, in which to watch Monty Python etc. - tabled.
OUR OWN VERSION
requirements:
pointless quest (Sir Lancelot and the Search for a Decent Cup of Tea/for a Good Cuppa)
actually: the search for fulfillment (since in Arthurian times there was no tea)
lady of the lake
music & dancing
Lancelot should be fulfilled -- he has women, armor, horses, etc. -- but in the midst of all this richness, he thinks, "What I really need is a good cup of -- of what?"
Gawaine, the devoted sidekick who is actually the brains of the outfit, is sent along by King Arthur to keep Lancelot out of overt peril.
First musical number: "Lancelot's Lament". A song about tea, which rhymes with a lot of things. (Gawaine's idea. Lancelot had been intending to call this mysterious questing item "orange".)
Gawaine also knows about the underwater bridge which is the passage to everywhere. He found this when he was a Probationary Research Knight.
Lancelot finds Guinevere (=India); he only wants her for her tea, and convinces her to come back to Camelot with the secret of tea and tea trees. She is a present for Arthur. Along the way, Lancelot and Gawaine have passed through France (where they've acquired knights); Germany (where they found beer, but no tea); Turkey (coffee, but no tea); all sorts of women who think "thirst" is a metaphor and offer to "quench" it for him -- Lancelot is exploited and used for sex.
end act one
sub-plot: the Lady of Small Onions
Elaine, the Lady of Shallott, lives in the enchanted onion-groves in Switzerland. she correctly understands "thirst" and gives Lancelot soup -- close, but not it! Eventually she points him toward India. Gawaine catches up and falls in love with her.
Gawaine's underwater bridge only works from Camelot. (Like British Railways post-privatization, where you can't get anywhere without going through London.) Timetabling is like "Mornington Crescent" - nobody knows how it works. Gawaine sings to a fellow traveler.
act three
Getting close to India:
Lancelot learns that the secret to eternal life lies in licking one's own elbow.
He has to fight Mini-Maos (with custard pies). They do tumbling tricks and sing. Lancelot decides not to bother with China -- scared of Mini-Maos. Gawaine saves him. When you don't know what you're looking for, go to India -- "It must exist; look how far I've come to find it!" (Apologies to Tom Stoppard.) Lancelot meets a hermit, who is all spiritual and teaches him Sanskrit.
act four
Reached India -- finds the palace of the tea-makers. Lawyer sings song: (s)he is the scariest thing in all India. (Has a really stupid disguise.) Gawaine tries to persuade lawyer to let them in: offers everything he has -- gold, jewelry, CDs (all Queen's Greatest Hits, for some reason)(apologies to Gaiman and Pratchett), but NOT the golden onion.
The lawyer won't take anything BUT the golden onion.
Lancelot tries to steal the onion to give to the lawyer; Gawaine says you'll have to kill me to make me give up the onion. Lawyer reveals herself as Elaine; Gawaine is joyous, Lancelot is forgiven, there is tea. Huzzah.
Guinevere and Lancelot are talking about tea ... she is blatantly coming on to him and he completely misses the point: it's all about tea. Guinevere has an underwater-bridge timetable. She marries Arthur; at least he talks to her. (And he does have his own castle.)
(On grail quest, India will tell them what a grail is, but will not have any cups apart from polystyrene tea cups.)
Discussion of next week's plan: nobody really cared. Preferably bagels, and no reading from ResE. RS and Head Boy will read West Wing and/or the scariest Voldemort/Ginny HP fic ever.
4:22 - motion to adjourn and pay bill - Tyrannist tyrannized to adjourn without vote.
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07 november 2004