The Secret Logs of Mistress Janeway
by NovaD
What the Doctor Knew

Note of What Has Gone Before: After escaping the Caretaker, Voyager began a long running fight with the Kazon.  A hostile, nomadic people,  their technological resources far outstripped their intellect.  One of these encounters resulted in the uncovering of Seska, a Maquis engineer, as a Cardassian agent.  She defected to the Kazon, using her previous relationship with Chakotay to lure Voyager into danger, first by abducting him, and later by implying that she had artificially impregnated herself with his DNA.

Captain's Personal Log -- of sorts:

This entry will have many voices because it took several points of view for me to figure out what happened over those few strange days that ended in a most unique treaty between myself and a holoprogram.

The first one to lose his senses entirely was Commander Chakotay. I have to give him the most leeway of the group. He had been through a singularly personal level of stress with our last encounter with the Kazon. I had tried to shield him, but I knew he felt the keenness of it just the same. For weeks afterward, he would not come to me. I ached to comfort him, but he shut down within himself. I couldn’t reach him.

Then one night, I was taking a long, hot shower, the sort where one just stands under the warm jets and lets the water wash every bit of tension away. Who know how long I was there. I was exhausted when I emerged from the foggy bathroom. I found him standing in my quarters waiting for me.

He was not naked or kneeling. He was staring at me rigid in his stance. I knew that he knew I was to be alone. He knew my schedule as well as I. We wouldn’t be interrupted in what ever he intended. I involuntarily clutched my towel closer to me and swallowed deeply. His eyes seared my damp skin. There was so much fury in him -- at women, maybe even at me. I wasn’t sure. I met his eyes as he came toward me.

Chakotay ripped the towel away from me and threw it aside. He reached for me. Something primal made me fight him. Chakotay was determined and I was overwhelmed. He held me with my arms behind my back. I was pressed close to his body but continued to look at him. He seemed to be trying to figure out what to do next. Then he got the most wicked glint in his eyes. I began to struggle again.

Before I knew it, I was bent across his knee with my wrists held firmly at the small of my back. I felt his hand impact against my bottom stinging and heating my flesh. It was involuntary. I grew wetter with each slap. The passion was growing within me.

Then, I was on all fours. Chakotay had a hand in my hair and was thrusting deep within my wetness. He was brutal. He was delicious. I came over and over before utterly collapsing on the floor under him.

He left me there. When I recovered and sat up, I found him kneeling nearby eyes averted and hands behind his back.

"Why?" I demanded. He didn’t need to take me that way. I wanted to go to him, but he hadn’t allowed it.

He didn’t answer. I stumbled and went to my Equipment and took out a whip.

"Why, Mister," I said again with more of an edge and cracked it.

"I needed," he said then trailed off.

I went to him. I stood before him and tilted his chin up to look at me.

"I needed," he said with the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen. God, how she had tortured him. My heart broke, and I dropped the whip. I sunk to my knees kissing him deeply and lost myself in his taste and his feel. Chakotay lifted me from the floor and carried me to my bed. I managed to get him flat on his back and shackle him to the bed. It was the first time I ever did that. He looked startled, then wary. He searched my face for my intent. Would I hurt him, he wondered with dark intense eyes. I settled beside him.

"Do you know why she tortures you?" I asked him gently.

Chakotay looked perplexed. "No... Mistress."

"Because she lost you and still wants you," I replied. "So she will make you suffer for that unfulfilled desire. She will cause you anguish every waking moment of your life if she can, because of her anguish in wanting you."

Chakotay looked doubtful.

"How modest you are, Commander," I said. I touched his hair. "Do you know how often I want to pet you like this on the Bridge. Your hair is so tempting. And your eyes. She misses how intensely black they turn just before you kiss and how luminous they are when you are sated. Your eyes make me feel incredibly beautiful. Do you think her current lover can do that?"

He shook his head. His eyes were locked dreamily on mine. I felt every muscle relax against me.

"And your mouth, Commander. Your mouth is extraordinary. I come just kissing you sometimes. Everywhere you kiss me is sheer joy. I dream of your kiss. How do you think she feels knowing she will never have it again?"

I lowered my mouth to his and allowed him to capture it. Lord, how that man could kiss! My arms collapsed and I fell against his chest helpless for a long moment. I backed away from him and busied myself with touching his skin.

"Chakotay," I said breathlessly. "To not have your strength, your intensity, your tenderness would be torture for me. I would be willing to do anything to keep it. I know how she feels about losing it. She will destroy you if you allow it. Please, do not allow it."

He looked at me in wonder. "You would do anything to keep me, Mistress? Anything?"

I knew what he was asking. He needed to hear the truth. "Yes, I would. But I beg you, do not ask. I belong to the crew. I am not permitted to choose or be chosen. You know what that would mean."

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. "That you are willing is enough... for now. Thank you."

He seemed better to me. The sadness had ebbed from his eyes and was replaced by something more provocative.

"Release me, Mistress," he said. "Permit me to make love to you properly... as you deserve."

I unshackled him and was immediately submerged in the pleasure of his kiss.

Meanwhile, my other subjects were having problems.

This is Lieutenant Tom Paris. I feel a little weird doing this, but seeing how the Mistress wants the truth and has that whip trained on me, I suppose I’ll proceed. Geesh, what I won’t do for a good blow job... OUCH!! Sorry, Mistress. But I’m starting at the point where the Doctor got involved. I really don’t want to talk about what happened before. You can get that from Torres.

Okay, after the incident, I had to wait for hours until Kes left Sickbay. I guess it was around 0200 before I got the nerve to sneak in there. By then, I could hardly walk. When the Doctor appeared, I was half lying across an exam table.

"Let me make this as simple as possible," I said. "I have some splinters in the region around my anus and I need them removed. I do not need questions, I just need them removed."

"How intriguing," the Doctor said. "Well, remove your uniform and I’ll call for assistance."

"Why? It’s a simple enough procedure," I said.

"I don’t try to navigate the ship, please do not tell me how to run my Sickbay," he said.

"I don’t want anyone else here. Especially not Kes," I said. I was beginning to wonder if I should just leave. Mistress Janeway must have run into this before. Maybe she could help.

"Very well. Let me examine the affected area," he said in that smug voice. I dropped my pants and bent over painfully. I heard the sounds of the tricorder.

"This isn’t too bad. The pain is so keen because this area of the body is not meant for certain recreational activity," he said. In short order, I was anesthetized. I felt several tugs on my swollen skin then a cool foam.

"All finished," the Doctor said. "You should, of course abstain from any unusual activities for the next week to allow time to heal."

"Great. Thanks a heap," I said. I was suddenly very tired.

"There’s just one more thing, Lieutenant."


"You show evidence of multiple beatings that look to be ritual in nature," he said.


"Tonight’s little adventure shows that whoever you are involved with does not know how to handle this sort of relationship."

"You don’t know what you’re talking about."

"Don’t I?" he said. "S&M and B&D are ancient sexual practices. I am well versed in them. In untrained hands, the lifestyle can be harmful both physically and emotionally."

"This is none of your business, Doctor."

"But it is, Lieutenant," he replied. "Whatever effects the health and welfare of the crew is my business. I want to talk to the one you are involved with in this practice. Perhaps I can be of some help."

I got a good laugh at that. Then I remembered that he wasn’t programmed for levity.

"No way," I said.

"I have to insist," he said.

"Not a chance."

"Then I’ll have to report this to the Captain."

I paused at that. I would have to tell her what happened anyway. She would have to deal with the Doctor now in any event. Let him do it.

"Go ahead," I said. "And thanks for the treatment."

Darling Mr. Paris looked at me with such expectation. The honesty had been difficult for him, but seeing how I was certain he had caused the whole problem, I could hardly reward him with any kind of attention. I released him from the shackles.

"Get dressed and get out," I said tersely.


"You heard me, Mister," I replied. "Until I find out everything that led to this, you will not receive the attentions of the Mistress."

He left looking angry and uncertain. I didn’t care.

"Janeway to Torres."


"Please come to my quarters."

"On my way, Captain."

She arrived in sort order and quickly undressed then assumed the position.

"What happened with Paris?" I said.

She blushed. "He found out about me somehow. I don’t know who told..."

"Probably no one," I said. "Mr. Paris has taken to monitoring my guests from time to time, especially when he feels neglected."

"Well, he kept after me," she said. "He kept saying that there was no way I could handle him as a Mistress..."

"Until you accepted the challenge," I said with a sigh. "B’Elanna, you must control the when and where. By goading you, he had the upper hand before the session began. You had something to prove to your slave. That should never be."

"I know now," she said bitterly. "The goading didn’t stop during the session and I got angry..."

"And lost control... but splinters?"

"I shoved the first thing up him I could find," she replied. "It happened to be wooden."

I was tempted to laugh. The lieutenant deserved the punishment he courted. But I had to reassure my fledgling. She was full of consternation.

"Darling, B’Elanna, don’t look so upset. All is not lost. Mr. Paris is hotter than ever for sessions, and you have learned a valuable lesson about restraint which will enhance your experiences."

"But what will we do about him," she said angrily. "How do we punish him without giving him pleasure or killing him."

"I have many ways," I replied. "We will convene with him tomorrow. Right now, I have the Doctor to deal with."

She looked up at me with confusion. "You will not punish me?"

"To what end, my dear? I cannot make you feel worse than you do now," I said. "But I can make you feel better."

Her eyes shimmered at me. I held out my hand for her. She took it and we went to my bed.

Torres’ tongue met mine when I kissed her deeply. She groaned into my mouth and arched toward my hands. We kissed until neither of us could stand it anymore. I licked her slender neck down to her collar bone then began to suck on one of her hard nipples. She whimpered in pleasure, but continued to buck against me.

"I know what you want," I whispered positioning myself between her legs. I spread her illusive lips apart in that thick, dark bush and began to lick them. She was wet before I began. I felt her body quiver as she started to come. I lapped at the wetness savoring her taste then I gently pulled and sucked her clit with my mouth.

Torres began to moan loudly and thrash her head about in ecstasy. She cried out my name then seemed to sob with the rolling orgasm. Then she floated gently down to reality. I covered her sleepy body. I steadied myself and dressed. There was still the Doctor to face.

The Doctor was there working in his lab when I arrived. Thankfully, he was alone.

"You needed to discuss something with me, Doctor?" I said. I was hoping that there would be someway to not reveal anything. However, I needed to hear what he really thought first.

He handed me a file. "This is the record of Lieutenant Paris’ last visit. You can see from the data that he has suffered extensive injuries from ritual beatings. Then, there is the unfortunate splinter incident."

"Are the injuries life threatening?" I asked.

"No," he admitted. "The beatings were carefully administered. It’s the last incident that concerns me. Whoever, Mr. Paris is involved with now is either a novice or has lost control of herself?"


The Doctor looked annoyed. "We are dealing with a dominatrix, Captain. A Master would have used a more animate object to assault the lieutenant. A woman would..."

"I understand, Doctor," I said. "I’ll speak to him and get to the bottom of it... so to speak."

"I’m afraid that won’t be sufficient," the Doctor said. "I’ll need to monitor this situation myself. As Chief Medical Officer, I have to know the nature and extent of any risky practices of the crew."

"But Doctor, this is a very private matter," I said. "I can’t think of a matter more private."

"Be that as it may. This sort of relationship could impact the physical and emotional well being of the individual crewman and that is under my jurisdiction."

"I see."

"Then, you will notify me when you find out who the parties are..."

I inhaled. "That won’t be necessary. I am one of the parties. The novice is Torres."

I could have sworn he was speechless for a moment.

"There is nothing in your records that would indicate such a proclivity," he said. He was actually annoyed.

"I haven’t received discipline in a number of years, Doctor," I replied. "I give it."

His eyebrow raised.

"The ritual beatings were my work. I’m afraid Torres allowed Paris to antagonize her."

"Not very wise."

"I concur. And it is a situation that I will rectify."

"I need assurance."

I glared at him. "And how can I give you that?"

"Allow me to monitor the sessions. They would not make the official logs unless there was a serious injury," he said. "You have my guarantee of discretion."

"I’d better," I replied. "Or Torres and I will determine how to program you for pain and you will find out exactly how dangerous I can be."

"Yes, Captain."

"You may begin to monitor at 2000 hours tomorrow. And you may only monitor actual sessions. My private life is still my own." I said. "And you may not interfere."

"Yes, Captain."

With that I left.

I was accustomed to having an audience now and then. There is always an element of performance inherent in the sessions. I wasn’t sure about how Torres or Paris would feel. I decided that there was no reason to tell them for the moment.

This is Torres. Despite my Mistresses assurances of earlier that day, I was feeling very insecure about my novitiate. I felt I failed her in some way. I took refuge in Neelix’s questionable coffee and the low buzz about the Mess Hall. I hadn’t even noticed when Kim sat across from me.

"Harry... I didn’t see you... I’m not good company right now," I said.

"I know," he replied. "I’m not here for company." He lowered his voice too barely audible. "I’m here to serve."

I was startled. "Did... did she send you to me?""

"No," he replied quietly. I was touched. His eyes were averted and he was blushing. "I knew that another had caused you problems you did not deserve. I know you need service."

"Why are you offering this?"

"I don’t want to lose... I enjoy service to you. I was afraid you’d be discouraged by his behavior," Kim replied. "He has even discouraged her."

"He has?"

"He pushes away anything that helps him feel good eventually," Kim replied.

"Or tries to," I said. "She will not allow it."

"He does not deserve her attentions at times. He doesn’t deserve yours," Kim said. "Forgive my boldness."


"Let me..." He whispered and finally looked into my eyes for an instant. I felt like I was hit by a flame thrower.

"In ten minutes, Mister," I replied.

He nodded.

I was in my Outfit when he arrived. Or part of it anyway. I had on the thigh high boots and the corset, each item laced on the outside. I didn’t bother with the panties and bra. I was too wet and ready to prolong the game.

As soon as Harry stripped, I shackled him to my bed and began to kiss him. His mouth fused to mine. I wrapped my fingers in his thick hair and held on as our tongues danced together. His kiss melted me. I wondered how long he had thought of doing this. It had the feel of something long anticipated. Then I couldn’t stand it anymore.

I tore free of his lips to assault his body with my tongue. I tasted his skin slowly and thoroughly. The first time I had been too excited to notice texture or taste or reaction. This time I memorized him. I couldn’t stop myself when I reached his cock. I tongued it meaning only to prime it for me, but then I wanted more of his reaction. So, I sucked it and kissed it and fondled it until he was writhing and groaning beneath me. Finally, I made him come in my mouth and felt somehow victorious.

"Release me, Mistress," he said quietly. I had wound myself around him to doze for a time. The request barely registered at first.

"Let me pleasure you this time, Mistress," he said. "Please..."

I lazily tripped the release switch and found myself again engulfed in his kiss. This time I was wrapped in his arms as well. Lord, he enjoyed kissing me and he was good at it. He swept me away with his intensity and his gentleness. Mr. Kim didn’t feel the need to over power me physically, but he over powered me just the same.

I moaned in his mouth as he thrust into me. Then, as I wrapped my legs around his waist, he released my lips to attack my nipples with the same intensity while he pumped inside of me. I felt it building quickly and surrendered to it letting it take me away. I came seconds before he did and lasted moments longer as it rolled powerfully within my core.

He held me like delicate china afterwards. It made me want to cry for some reason.

"Thank you, Mistress." he whispered.

"You are mine," I whispered. "Stay the night."

"Yes, Mistress... it would be my privilege and my pleasure," he replied.

We fell asleep.

Mistress Janeway here. When Mr. Paris arrived at the appointed hour, I shackled him standing as soon as he finished undressing. Then I blindfolded him.

"You have been very naughty, my most disobedient slave," I said walking very close to his alert body. "The punishment will be most severe, my sweet boy. More than your mind can comprehend."

Then, I gagged him. He resisted me. His whole body was a knot of tension.

"Don’t be afraid, my fair skinned one," I said. "I shall not raise the lash to you tonight. This is a different kind of punishment."

He didn’t relax completely. I could feel his confusion. Torres entered my quarters then. Paris could hear her undressing in the outer room. His head tilted with listening.

I was startled by her serene smile as she came to kneel before me.

"My dear, you are radiant," I said. "What have you been up to?"

"I didn’t do anything really," she replied. "Mr. Kim came to me last night to serve."

I nodded. "He is a dear one, isn’t he," I said. "His thoughtfulness astounds even me. But, alas, we have another matter at hand tonight."

I held out my hand and helped her to her feet.

"I feel too good for discipline, Mistress," she said with a wicked smile. "Let me service you tonight."

"What about Mr. Paris?" I said.

"Let’s leave him where he is," she said. "He needs to learn restraint."

"I put myself in your hands," I said. It wasn’t exactly according to script but I liked the prospect. There was the added benefit that Mr. Paris was getting hard and more and more frustrated.

She began to remove my Outfit making sure that there was a lot of sound as each piece was dropped. I made sure I sighed and moaned softly as the boots were removed. Then I laid down on my bed faced down.

"I want to do everything that he did for me... well almost everything," she said. I laughed. "First, he massaged my scalp."

"Proceed," I said with my characteristic purr. Paris was rock hard.

I felt her fingers in my hair gently manipulating my scalp. I sighed sincerely that time. Every ounce of tension fled my body.

"How do you keep all this hair so soft," Torres said half to herself. She moved to the back of my neck then down my spine. It was wonderful and I made my appreciation very audible to my reluctant guest. The massage ended after a luxurious amount of time.

Torres rolled me on my back and began to massage my inner thighs. She was gazing intently at my crotch.

"Mistress... I want to do what you do for me," she said. "I think I’m ready."

"Swing around so I can do you, too," I said. I heard Mr. Paris struggle against his shackles. Torres and I tongued and sucked and lapped at each other making sure that every pant and groan and slurp was heard. Her mouth was eager and tenacious. She mimicked the way I would swirl her clit with my tongue the gently tug at it with my lips. Her enthusiasm and knowing that both Paris and the Doctor were listening made me come in strong waves. I moaned in earnest against her bush while she quivered and wet my face with her sweet dampness. We collapsed on each other.

When I finally looked over at Paris he was red faced and straining against the restraints.

"Be still, Mr. Paris," I said harshly. "I will not have you cut your wrists. Relax... if you can."

I petted his face then removed the gag and then the blindfold. He was frustrated, but didn’t look angry. He looked resigned.

"You get the point?" I asked.

"What makes you so sure I’d put up with this anymore?" he asked.

I looked at his still granite stiff cock. "You won’t be able to stay away, and you know it."

Paris swallowed hard then looked me in the eyes then lowered them. "What happens now, Mistress?"

"Do you still wish to serve me?" I asked.

"Yes, Mistress."

I looked at Torres who rose and walked over to Paris.

"Do you wish to serve me?" she asked.

He didn’t raise his read. "Yes, Mistress."

"If you are sincere, you may get to someday," she said and turned away.

I released his shackles and stepped back taking my whip in hand. "You may relieve yourself then you may leave us."

I joined Torres on the bed and watched Mr. Paris angrily jerk off. He couldn’t take his eyes off of us. Then he stormed out.

Torres and I laughed.

This is The Emergency Medical Holographic Program. The... er... Mistress expressed a desire for me to add my thoughts to this log. Apparently, part of the titillation factor for her is to have records of her... exploits... for review later. Fascinating.

At any rate, I found the first session I monitored was very provocative and has stimulated my interest in studying this rather creative side of humanoid sexuality. What is especially notable is that as mistresses, these females don’t exhibit the usual doubt about the true feelings of their subjects. They have control and confidence over what will transpire.

I must report that I am more assured that no one is in imminent danger, but I will continue monitoring. I even find that I am looking forward to the next session... for research purposes, of course.

It was indeed a strange few days. At one point I was hoping for some sort of emergency to shake everyone back to where they were. But that was not to be. Things had changed and were changing between us all.

I was alone for a few nights after disciplining Paris. I needed the solitude, and my subjects wanted to play amongst themselves. I was with my books and my tea. Then my bell chimed.

Chakotay entered at my summons. He stared at me softly for a long time. Then he sat across from me. He seemed unusually reluctant to speak.

"You cannot choose or be chosen," he said. "I will never ask that, but I ask for my own time."

"I don’t understand," I replied. "You have time with me."

He shook his head. "I have time with the Mistress. I enjoyed it more than I ever thought I could. But I want time with Kathryn."

I was startled. I was scared. Chakotay moved to sit beside me on the sofa. I rose and walked across the room needing distance.

"Do you know what your asking?" I asked. "I’ll have no barriers. I’ll have no where to be alone and..."



"I don’t want to move in with you. I’ll take whatever time you feel comfortable with giving," he said softly. He was walking towards me then. "One day a week... one hour a month... it would be enough. Don’t you want to be truly vulnerable with someone once in a while? Don’t you want to be comforted?"

He kissed my palms then my wrists. He placed my hands on either side of his face as his mouth covered mine. My heart raced so fast and hard that it almost hurt. My arms slipped around his neck. I was being lifted into his arms. I swore again that he could read my mind. I wanted his strength for a long while, but I hadn’t known how to halt the game with him.

"You never were my slave, were you?" I whispered against his neck.

"I’m probably more your slave than any of them," he replied softly. "Kathryn."

07: Strange Variations