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Stargate: Atlantis
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Season: S2 or later
Rating: NC-17
Summary: What harm can it be to try?

My fondest thanks to Sheila for the beta and her infinite patience in putting up with my obsessive tinkering.

Carnal Positions
by Night Spring

Position 1

Rodney groaned as John pushed into him. It burned, huge and intruding, twisting and prodding insistently, shifting him inside out in ways that didn't bear thinking. His arms and legs felt weak, and more than anything he wanted to sink into the mattress beneath him, but doing so would dislodge John; and just then John shifted up and thrust in, and now he did fall, but John moved with him, weight crushing Rodney flat into the mattress. Rodney reflexively twisted his hips to deflect the weight, and John seized, arms and legs tightening convulsively around him.

"Sorry," John whispered.

"You suck," Rodney mumbled.

John lifted his face from Rodney's shoulder and drew a breath.

"Don't say it!" Rodney preempted.

John fluttered his hands in surrender, and kissed Rodney's neck instead.

John's skin was warm, the rise and fall of his slowing breath quietly soothing on Rodney's frazzled nerves. John was still inside him, but he must be softening; Rodney didn't really feel him now, just a pressing fullness holding him and John close. Rodney was just reaching to gather the pillow closer when John shifted the other way, ripping out of Rodney with a painfully grating burn.

"Sorry," John whispered.

"We just, you know, need practice," John said.

"Practice," Rodney repeated.

"Hey, it'll be fun."

"Fun," Rodney frowned skeptically.

"Come on, Rodney. It'll be good," John cajoled. "Oh. You didn't get off, did you?"

Rodney haughtily deigned not to answer.

"I'll take care of it." John yawned. "Just give me a minute, okay?"

John huffed up the pillow and snuggled close. Rodney settled beside him, and wondered how John would be at giving blowjobs.

Three minutes later, John was asleep and Rodney was awake, figuring the karmic weight of every time he ever fell asleep on a girlfriend.

Position 2

"You sure about this?" John asked.

"Well, you liked it," Rodney pointed out.

"Yeah, but..." John looked dubious.

"Oh, come on. What harm can it be to try?"

"Well, okay." John cautiously lowered himself against Rodney, gently pushing Rodney's spread legs even wider. Soft-hard flesh slid against Rodney, followed by the brush of belly, and bare whispers of chest hair catching against his own. Together they swayed, enjoying the simple rub of skin against skin, basking in the gradual rise of shared heat between them.

"We could just get off like this," John suggested.

Rodney grunted. Yeah, that wouldn't be bad.

Wanting just a little more contact, Rodney shifted his hips up; and John slid down, bumping Rodney's balls then nudging past. The push of John's hardness felt good there, and Rodney lifted his legs up, silently begging for more. John pushed on Rodney's knees, urging him to draw them up toward his chest. He began rubbing against Rodney with purpose, sliding insistently over sensitive flesh, angling himself to push at Rodney. Rodney felt himself open to John as the soft head nudged him repeatedly, always withdrawing before he was spread too far.

"Lube," he gritted out.

John's fingers inside him were urgent, quick efficient strokes pushing in the lube. A part of Rodney wanted John to take more time, a part of him wanted John in him now. And John was already lubing himself and pushing against Rodney, pressure steadily rising until Rodney felt himself give way, his legs curling up even tighter and his hips tilting higher as John slid further and further inside, and god, it was big, it burned, and ow, his back, his legs, all those muscles pushed and pulled in horribly wrong ways, and John pushed, and Ow! Ow, ow, owwww!

"What did you do to yourself, Rodney?"

Carson's face was kind with concern, but Rodney really did not want to face the physician. "Nothing," he mumbled, turning back to his coffee.

"You're not moving like it's nothing. Come to the infirmary, and we'll take a look, shall we?"

Rodney considered arguing, but Carson could be a dog with a bone when he sensed the need. Besides, he couldn't go limping around Atlantis forever without others noticing. Sighing, Rodney followed Carson to the infirmary, where despite his abject humiliation, he found himself telling Carson everything.

"Lad," Carson sighed. "Surely you have pillows?"

Position 3

Carson's suggestion of a pillow under the butt was a good one, and John enjoyed its benefits greatly, to which Rodney had no objections. He refused, however, to be contorted into a human pretzel again, with or without pillow.

John had other ideas.

Rodney couldn't remember the last time someone washed his hair. His mother had, when he was very little, but while Rodney remembered the sting in his eyes when the shampoo got in, he couldn't remember how her fingers felt.

John's fingers were large and firm, scrubbing thoroughly over Rodney's scalp.

The shampoo still stung.

When Rodney just started school, he'd liked standing in the rain. His teachers would call for him to come in, he'd catch a cold; but Rodney liked the feel of water running over his face and through his hair.

Standing in the shower was like standing in the rain, only naked, with an equally naked John plastered to his back. Oh, and the water was warm, too.

Who said life didn't get better as you got older?

John pressed Rodney against the wall, knees nudging his legs apart. Rodney braced himself as John pushed in. Oh. It burned...

His hand slipped.

"So, let's see if I understand this correctly," said Carson. "You both fell in the shower?"

"Yes. Is that such a hard concept to grasp?"

"Well. I never thought sex would be more hazardous than off-world missions."

"Hey! Who said we were having sex?"

"Are you telling me you weren't?"

John and Rodney looked at each other, then reluctantly shook their heads.

"Thought so. Well," Carson studied the scans. "Good news. Neither of you broke anything. Colonel, that wrist needs to stay in a sling for a few days. Rodney, take two aspirins and call me in the morning."


Position 4

How the heck did anyone ever do this? Surely most beds weren't long enough to fit one-and-a-half grown men, and even when they somehow managed to squeeze in...

Rodney stared at John's dick bobbing upside down in front of his eyes and wondered how he was supposed to get that into his mouth. First off, where was he supposed to put his head? If he lay down on John's thigh, his mouth would be...

John licked his balls. Rodney jumped, bumping his nose hard against John's dick.

"Ouch!" Two voices yelled in unison.

"Okay, this sucks."


"Don't say it!"

Position 5

"Just let me up so I can take off my pants."

"No, we can just..." John tugged at Rodney's pants, inching them down his thighs. Rodney rolled his eyes as the material squeezed his knees. He was not plotting the curve for optimal distance to shove pants down for sex over a desk. Not to mention John's pants buttons digging into his naked ass.

Pushing past John to the bed, he shucked off first his shoes, then pants and boxers. When he looked up, John was propped down on the desk in front of the laptop, arms crossed, and... pouting?

"Well? Aren't you going to undress?"

John shrugged. "I was just going to undo my flaps and..."

"You want to, with all your clothes on? What's that, a fantasy? Fetish?"

John blushed. "Yeah, well... Like we're alone in one of the labs, or an empty corridor, and..."

"Oh, my god. That's so not going to happen. I don't care about your career, but I have a reputation to uphold."

"Yeah. Which is why..." John waved at the room.

"But you want to pretend."

John shrugged.

"Okay." Rodney snagged his discarded clothes. "So the optimal position for the pants would be..."

"So Rodney, you need a new laptop? Why?" asked Elizabeth.

"My old one broke."

"Your new old one," Zelenka interjected. "It was one we got from the Daedalus' last run."

"Yes, it was. No need to belabor the point."

"How did it break, exactly? Can't you fix it?"

"Oh, we'll be cannibalizing it for usable parts. But the one part of a laptop that cannot be fixed when broken..."

" the screen," Zelenka finished.

"Exactly! Therefore..."

"You broke your laptop screen? How?" Elizabeth asked.

"I dropped it."

"You dropped your laptop?"

"Yes, I did. Now can we drop this, please?"

Position 6

God, John's mouth on him was heavenly, suckling just so, tongue swirling up and around, alternately caressing the side and rolling around the head, giving an extra strong suck there. John's teeth did prick as he lightly clasped them around the base to keep him from slipping too far down his throat, but hey, he did that too when he was doing the sucking -- it was by far the most effective way to prevent choking -- so, no, he couldn't complain. Yes, this was good, so good, almost, almost there...

Then John let him slide from his mouth with a resounding pop.

"Wait, what the fuck are you doing? Get me off first!"

John cocked his head, lube in hand. "Oh, I have an idea."

Rodney gulped. "Idea?"

"Yup. C'm'ere, let's lube you up."

"What inane depravity are you up to now?"

"What, don't you trust me?

"Okay. Fine." Rodney snatched the lube from John's hands and lay back down, spreading his legs and lifting his hips. Ignoring John's widened eyes, he squeezed lube onto two fingers and pushed them in both at once, reaching for that spot right there...

John's hand clamped tight on his wrist.

"Oh, no. You don't."

"Oh, come on! Lemme get off!"

"Hey, work with me," John murmured against Rodney's throat, suckling softly as he snagged the lube. He quickly coated himself then slid down to lie on his back, twisting against Rodney and forcing him to sit up.


"C'mon, get up here. Straddle me."

"Um, that's..."

"C'mon, it's okay. Do it."

Rodney scrambled into position as he was told, John's hands tight around his waist as they guided him to place. His legs burned as he held himself still while John poked and prodded, finally slipping into him with a gut-wrenching pop.


"Breathe, Rodney."

"Ugh..." Rodney gasped. John felt larger and more awkward inside him than ever before. "How... are we... oh god... to move?"

"Pull me up."


John raised his hands, and Rodney instinctively reached for them. John's hands slid up his arms and grasped his shoulder, and John hauled, and suddenly he was wrapped in John, John's knees supporting his back as he was folded into John's arms, and they were rocking together, trading their weight back and forth in perfect rhythm, and oh, each thrust, each jolt, each spike reaching him just there, and just... Oh.

Position 7


"Morning, sleepyhead."


"Had a good sleep?"


"I didn't get off, you know."


John's hand was gentle on his face, his touch more eloquent than a thousand, million, words.

"You're totally useless, aren't you."


"I love you, you know."


Oh, this was the sweetest position.

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