Here and Now
by Nicole D'Annais - ndannais@fbi-agent.com

Rating: R

Pairing: Obi-Wan/m

Warnings: Post-TPM, so spoilers for the movie

Archive: Master and Apprentice, anyone else ask please

Summary: A year after the fight on Naboo, Obi-Wan tries to move on with his life

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, much less these fine characters--although I own a couple of action figures of them, does that count? Probably not. Oh well, I refuse to make any money off them, and crave feedback as much as Obi-Wan craves Qui-Gon and vice versa.

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Obi-Wan's eyes snapped his open. The bright sunlight that filled the room was almost blinding after an hour of deep meditation, but as his eyes adjusted, the lush gardens behind the Dnardan palace came into focus. He moved to the window to enjoy the sea of green mixed with bright splashes of every color imaginable, and a few he wouldn't have imagined on his own.

His thoughts turned to his Padawan. Anakin was staying at the Jedi Academy while his Master completed this mission on Dnarda. The boy had been spending some time there in the year since Obi-Wan had taken him as an apprentice. There were things he needed to learn that were best taught by the Academy, and he needed to spend time with others who were strong in the Force.

At least Master Yoda thought it was a good idea. Obi-Wan wasn't so sure, but despite having risen to the rank of Jedi Knight, he wasn't yet ready to argue with Yoda's wisdom. Anakin had become a Padawan without ever spending a day in the Academy. Obi-Wan was still close enough to his Academy days that he remembered the competitive nature that went against everything the Jedi stood for, and yet propelled the students to be the best they could be more than any idea they were taught. He also remembered how cruel classmates could be to anyone who was different. And anyone in tune with the Force could feel how different Anakin was.

Of course, that same Force ability also came in handy. A month before, he'd seen his apprentice being tormented by three older boys at the Academy. Before Obi-Wan could intervene, Anakin had silenced the boys--literally. He'd used the Force to dampen the acoustics of the room until no sounds could be heard. When the boys realized what he'd done, they not only stopped teasing him, they left as fast as they could.

Obi-Wan smiled at the memory. He knew he should have warned Anakin against using that power so readily, but memories of his own trials at the hands of fellow classmates had stopped him. He would have used that power if he'd had it. And it had been an effective, peaceful method of solving the problem. So he'd kept silent.

When he'd taken Anakin as his apprentice, he hadn't really thought about it. It had been his promise to Qui-Gon, and he was determined to see it through. After a year of being a Master, he wondered Qui-Gon had ever taken him on all those years ago, much less put up with him for so many years after.

There were so many decisions to make. He was responsible for the boy's basic needs. He had to train him in the use of the Force, and all the decisions and responsibilities that go with it. As if that weren't enough of a challenge, Anakin had the strongest natural ability of any Jedi. Ever. It was a daunting task to teach a student who could do things you couldn't even do.

He also didn't have the benefit of having his former teacher available for questions. He'd gone to Master Yoda a few times when he wasn't sure how to handle something, but while he respected Yoda, he did not have the kind of connection with him he had had with his own Master.

He'd never had that kind of connection with another human being. He wasn't sure he ever would again.

A year had passed since the fight on Naboo. Obi-Wan had managed a number of accomplishments--becoming a Jedi Knight, taking his first Padawan, solving a few missions on his own--but they had been hollow somehow. He had no one to share it with. He'd lost touch with his friends from the Academy beyond casual acquaintance. His parents were both gone, and even If they hadn't been, he'd never really known them anyway.

Qui-Gon had been his whole world. His teacher, his friend, his lover. He hadn't needed anyone else. He hadn't wanted anyone else. And when he'd seen the Sith's lightsaber go through Qui-Gon's chest, his world had started to disintegrate, only to fade into nothing with his Master's last breath.

It wasn't until Master Yoda had informed him he had earned the rank of Jedi Knight that he'd begun to find something else to build a new world around. Between his duties as a Knight, and his duties to his Padawan, he'd found a way to go on. And eventually he'd started to feel like a normal person again. Or at least a normal Jedi.

Normal, yes. But not whole. He hadn't even tested the waters when it came to his heart. That belonged to a man who had been returned to the Force. In a way, he was everywhere, but he was still completely unreachable. A fact Obi-Wan had gradually come to accept.

He came out of his reverie to notice that the sunlight was beginning to fade. It would be dark in an hour. He had time for a quick workout before he had to get ready to go to the Queen's dinner. He carefully cleared his mind as he moved into position to begin a particularly difficult exercise. One that would require all his attention, leave no room for errant thoughts, and calm him enough to face the night ahead.

Obi-Wan descended the staircase into the main ballroom of the Dnardan palace. He scanned the room as he made his way to the Queen to pay his respects. He was almost to the throne when he saw something that made his heart stop. Not something. Someone.

Blindly, Obi-Wan reached the throne and bowed to the Queen, his lips uttering the correct phrases, some part of his brain registering that they were said smoothly, with no hint of the chaos going on in his mind. The formalities dispensed with, he turned and headed in the direction he knew the other man had gone.

He spotted the man again quickly. How could he not? The long brown hair with the sides pulled back, the strong, angular features, an obvious grace despite the man's height. Even Obi-Wan wasn't so blind that he didn't know the reason he couldn't take his eyes off this man.

Qui-Gon. Only it wasn't Qui-Gon. There were obvious differences. This man was younger--about the age Qui-Gon was when he had taken Obi-Wan on as his apprentice. He didn't look exactly like Qui-Gon, but it was a close enough resemblance to shake a man who'd known Qui-Gon better than anyone else.

He stopped before he actually reached the man, not sure what to do. Then the decision was taken from him. "Jedi!" One of the Queen's counselors, standing next to the object of Obi-Wan's attention, called out to him. Obi-Wan managed to put one foot in front of the other until he reached the pair.

"Counselor Traki," he greeted with a small bow. "How are you this evening?"

"Well, thank you. And you?"

"Quite well, thank you."

"I don't believe you've met Ruak Talon." The counselor turned to the man beside him. "Ruak, this is the Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"Pleasure to meet you," Ruak responded, bowing in Obi-Wan's direction.

"And to meet you," he answered automatically, bowing as well. He had a nice voice--rich and deep, though it was lacking a certain quality Qui-Gon's voice had carried.

Obi-Wan gave himself a mental shake. Why was he comparing this man to Qui-Gon? He was gone. Obi-Wan didn't want a substitute. He looked at the man again. No, he didn't want a substitute.

Did he?

With effort, he forced himself to focus on what the counselor was saying. "--seen much of our countryside, Obi-Wan?"

"No, sir."

"Oh, a pity. Perhaps you could tour the country before you leave?"

"I'm afraid not, Counselor. I'm due back on Coruscant in three days. I must leave tomorrow afternoon at the latest."

The counselor shook his head. "A shame to come to Dnarda and not see the country."

"I agree, from what I have seen of the gardens here at the palace I'm sure I am missing a great deal. However, it can't be helped."

"Yes, well, you'll simply have to visit us again soon." The counselor's attention drifted over Obi-Wan's shoulder. "If you will excuse me, I must speak with someone," he said as he wandered off.

The two men stood in awkward silence for a moment before Ruak leaned toward Obi-Wan. "Is it just me, or does the counselor resemble a lizard that tried to turn into a bird and failed?"

Obi-Wan smothered a laugh. The Dnardans were very reptilian in their appearance, however, Counselor Traki had a habit of bobbing his head forward in a darting motion as he walked. Indeed, it did give him the appearance of a strange bird. "He does have a sort of birdlike quality," he agreed with a smile.

"So how long have you been in Dnarda?"

"Two weeks, but I fear I really have not had time to see much beyond the palace."

"Here for the Trangeri negotiations, yes?"

Obi-Wan was startled, but he managed not to show it. No one was supposed to know about that until the announcement at tonight's dinner. "Trangeri negotiations?"

"Relax," Ruak replied. "I've been acting as an advisor to the Trangeri negotiator. I'm completely informed."

"If you were an advisor at any negations, I would think you would be informed by being there."

"Trangeri are adamant about not having any outsiders with them as representation. I observed on a viewscreen from a remote location, then conferred with the negotiator after sessions."

Again Obi-Wan had to hide his surprise. He had not been aware the sessions were being monitored electronically. His silence must have given his doubts away to the other man, however, because after a moment, Ruak continued. "I thought your maneuvering yesterday on the trade lanes near the Outer Rim was particularly skilled. The Trangeri had no real bargaining power there, but you would have had to study them well to know that."

"Thank you," Obi-Wan replied as smoothly as he could manage. He tried to remember the last time he'd received sincere appreciation for his work. Those he helped were always appreciative, but he hadn't had someone who did not benefit directly from his work compliment him on it since...well, it hadn't happened in the last year that he could remember.

The horns sounded the dinner alarm, and all the guests began making their way to the dining hall. The counselor scurried back over to the pair, barely giving Obi-Wan time to say good-bye before rushing him off to the head table. Obi-Wan took one last look back before moving on with his duties.

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The dinner was excruciatingly long, and the announcement and subsequent questions and answers were tedious. Obi-Wan was glad when he was able to leave the head table and slip out a side door into the gardens.

Even though it was night, the colors were more vivid now that he had a moment to stand in the middle of the gardens, instead of studying them from the windows or hurrying past them on the way to a negotiating session. He breathed in deeply, the sharp, sweet scent of the flowers filling him, making him almost content.

He took a seat on a bench not too far from the door, but hidden from view, and closed his eyes. For endless moments he sat there, not meditating, but not thinking either. The smell of the flowers was nearly as calming as a Jedi exercise. He'd heard the Dnardan flowers had special attributes, perhaps he'd missed the mention of magical powers.

"May I join you?" Ruak's voice jolted Obi-Wan out of his thoughts. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. Perhaps I should go."

"No." Obi-Wan shifted so there was plenty of room on the bench. "Please, have a seat."

Ruak sat down. "I came here several years ago on a trade run," he said as he looked around at the flowers, "and fell in love with the place. Now I come here as often as I can."

"The gardens, or the planet?"

"Both."

Obi-Wan surveyed the gardens. "I can see why. It certainly is beautiful."

"Yes, it is." Something in the man's voice told Obi-Wan he wasn't talking just about the flowers. He turned back to find the Ruak studying him intently.

Obi-Wan swallowed and wet his lips. "I should probably go pay my respects to the Queen," he said, gesturing toward the door to the dining hall. He had already taken care of that earlier, but it was a good excuse to leave.

"That's right, you're leaving tomorrow, aren't you?"

"Right. Tomorrow," he replied as he stood, prepared to go back inside. "Nice to have met you," he said with a small bow before he turned to the door.

"You leave tomorrow," Ruak said quickly. "Yet you would waste tonight?"

Obi-Wan stood completely still, unable to decide if he was reading too much into the words. That question was answered as Ruak came up behind him and put his hands on Obi-Wan's shoulders. He closed his eyes, that kind of physical contact feeling strange after the past year, but not altogether unwelcome. No, he thought again, not unwelcome at all.

He took a deep breath, opened his eyes, and turned to face Ruak. "A night such as this should never be wasted," he replied in a tone much calmer than he felt.

"My quarters are just off the gardens over there," Ruak said, nodding his head at the far side of the area. "The view from my room is quite spectacular."

"I think I should like to see it." Obi-Wan forced himself not to think about the consequences of that one statement. Instead he silently followed the other man across the gardens, ignoring the future. Concentrating on the here and now.

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When they reached the room, Ruak turned the lights on low, then crossed to draw the blinds over the windows that looked out over the gardens. Obi-Wan stood in the middle of the room, uncertain of how to act now that he was here. He'd experimented with a few women in his teenage years, before he'd realized that his heart belonged to Qui-Gon. Once they had admitted their feelings to each other, he'd thought there would never be anyone else.

He'd been wrong. His heart was still with Qui-Gon, but there would be another in his bed.

Obi-Wan watched as Ruak crossed back to the door. He saw the man reach for the lock before he turned his head back around and stared at the blinds covering the windows, suddenly uncertain again.

He had double warning as Ruak approached behind him--first from the Force, then from the heat of the other man's body, but it was still a shock when Ruak's hands landed on his shoulders. He felt Ruak's body touching against his own in various places, then his hands slid down Obi-Wan's back, around his sides and tried to unhook the belt that held his tunic on. When he paused it took Obi-Wan a moment to realize Ruak had no idea how to release the Jedi belt he wore. He quickly took care of the problem.

Seconds later, the belt was gone, and Ruak's hands moved back to Obi-Wan's shoulders to slowly draw the tunic off. As the fabric slid away, Ruak applied light kisses to his neck, then followed one sleeve down Obi-Wan's arm, trailing kisses behind the cloth.

Obi-Wan closed his eyes, unable to suppress a shiver at the sensation. The first physical contact in the gardens had been a shock; this was sweet torture. Ruak reached the tip of his finger as the fabric fell to the floor. Obi-Wan, eyes still closed, felt Ruak run his tongue up the length of his finger, and shivered again.

Another small attack of nerves hit when Ruak placed Obi-Wan's hand on his chest, then waited. Obi-Wan could feel the warmth of his skin beneath the fabric of his clothing. Using the Force to steady his hands, he felt for the clasp holding the other man's jacket closed and released it, then reached up with both hands, sliding the jacket off easily.

He worked the buttons on Ruak's shirt slowly, still keeping his eyes closed, and soon both men were shirtless. They stood there for a moment, then Ruak put his hand beneath Obi-Wan's chin and raised it slightly in a silent request.

Obi-Wan opened his eyes to meet the deep blue ones staring back at him. Ruak slowly leaned forward and kissed him; a light, easy kiss at first, then as Obi-Wan closed his eyes again and leaned into him, a deeper one.

For a moment they were content to explore each others mouths, with no other contact. But soon Ruak pulled Obi-Wan closer, his arms reaching behind the Jedi, creating maddening friction as they moved slowly down the skin on his back, then met with fabric as they continued down over the hard muscles of his buttocks and thighs before returning to the waistband of his trousers.

They broke the kiss to deal with their shoes, then with waist ties, and then the last barriers were removed. Each studied the other. Obi-Wan automatically started to notice everything about Ruak that was different from Qui-Gon, until he realized what he was doing and made himself stop. He shoved those thoughts in the back of his mind and instead focused on the beauty of the man before him.

Ruak waited, perhaps sensing Obi-Wan's struggle, or perhaps just wanting to make sure he had a willing partner. After several moments, Obi-Wan reached out tentatively and ran his hand down Ruak's chest. His eyes closed, and his head tilted back slightly as he repeated the motion with both hands this time, lips parting to allow him to breathe.

Ruak remained still for endless seconds, allowing just the touch, then he gave in to the temptation of Obi-Wan's exposed neck, leaning forward to nibble his way from the Jedi's ear to the base of his neck. He ran his tongue slowly along Obi-Wan's collar bone, stopping to bite lightly on the edge of his shoulder before slowly working his way back up to Obi-Wan's mouth.

Obi-Wan savored the attention, running his hands up and down the length of Ruak's back restlessly, not wanting the man to stop, but at the same time wanting more. His hips arched forward of their own accord, and in response Ruak led him carefully to the bed in the corner of the room.

Ruak guided Obi-Wan onto the bed on his back, then sat on the bed next to him, gazing down at him, his eyes on fire. Obi-Wan started to lean up for another kiss, but Ruak lightly pushed him back down, then lowered his lips to Obi-Wan's neck. He trailed kisses down the Jedi's chest, veering off to take one hard, brown nipple in his mouth, rubbing his tongue over it as he tugged lightly with his teeth. Obi-Wan's back arched as he gasped for breath.

Ruak paused long enough to send an almost predatory smile to him before torturing the other nipple in the same way. When he had finished, he continued his trail of kisses down the middle of Obi-Wan's stomach, biting the edge of his navel, then tracing a line from his navel to the base of his straining erection.

Obi-Wan's entire body tensed as Ruak's tongue ran a slow, hot line up the entire length, then he nearly leapt off the bed as Ruak took him completely inside his mouth in one swift motion. It had been so long, and it felt so good that Obi-Wan exploded almost immediately with a hoarse shout.

It was several minutes before Obi-Wan had a conscious thought again. He realized that Ruak was holding him, and that while he might be completely sated, considerable evidence that Ruak still had needs was poking him in the leg.

Almost as if he sensed Obi-Wan was finally coming back to his senses, Ruak's hand drifted down the Jedi's back, between his cheeks, testing the tightness of the boundary there. One corner of Obi-Wan's mouth turned up in a half-smile. He had noticed the lubricant by the bed when he had first arrived in the room, but he'd been too nervous to think about it at the time.

Now he reached out to the table, picked up the bottle, and wordlessly handed it to Ruak. After searching Obi-Wan's face to be sure, Ruak gently rolled him the rest of the way onto his stomach and smoothed the slick oil over his lover.

Obi-Wan gasped at the first contact, his body no longer used to such intrusions, but he adapted quickly. He waited for the feeling of being completely filled, but to his surprise the feeling did not come.

It wasn't long before Ruak found his release and collapsed on top of Obi-Wan for several moments before rolling off him and pulling him close. He drifted off into a deep sleep almost immediately, but Obi-Wan remained awake, new disturbing thoughts replacing the peace he thought he'd found.

He had been wrong. Qui-Gon wasn't the last one in his bed. But there would be no one else like him. And the feelings during sex weren't worth the feeling after. He had hoped this night would be the final step toward getting past Qui-Gon's death. Now he realized it had only made things worse. He missed him more now than he had before, if that were possible.

Obi-Wan tested Ruak's mind to be sure he was sleeping, then carefully slipped out of the bed, put on his clothes and left without looking back, waiting until he was in the hall to put on his boots. He had been planning to leave in the afternoon, but there was a transport at first light. He had already said his farewells to the Queen and her counselors, there was no reason he couldn't pack now and leave early.

If he left at first light, he could be back to Coruscant a day early. Anakin would be pleased, since it would be one less day he'd have to spend at the Academy. As for what Master Yoda would think...well, he'd just have to work on shielding his thoughts better on the trip back. Otherwise...Yoda would understand. And if he didn't, he wouldn't say anything.

He would know he wouldn't have to.

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Obi-Wan boarded the transport as soon as it was available, choosing a seat away from the few other travelers and closing his eyes, not wanting to see anything. Dnarda was a beautiful planet. He never wanted to see it again.

Had he looked out a window, he might have seen the lone figure standing near the platform, waiting until the transport took off before returning to his room and picking up a small mechanical object. A moment later a holographic projection of a figure in a dark robe appeared, bathed in an eerie blue light. "Is he gone?" the robed man asked in a gravelly voice.

"Yes, Master."

"And your mission?"

"I was unable to clearly read his thoughts. However, he seemed sufficiently distracted when he left. I believe it will be a while before his attention is fully on the boy again."

"Excellent. You have done well. Return to Coruscant at once and we will have your disguise removed."

"Yes, Master."

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The End