Title: Maximum Byers 4: What You Are in the Dark
Author: Mice
E-mail: just_us_mice@yahoo.com
Category: LGM, Byers/Jimmy, Byers angst; post-ep: Maximum Byers
Rating: NC-17
Read after Texas Death House Blues, Long Journey Home and Razor's Edge or be confused.
Summary: Byers can be brave for others when the chips are down, but can he do it for himself?
Archive: DITB, Lone Slasher, all others ask
Disclaimer: If you think they're mine, you're delusional. I recommend a psychiatric exam.
Author's Notes: Maximum Beta by Amazon X, with cool hints & suggestions by LadyKate

***

LONE GUNMEN HEADQUARTERS
TAKOMA PARK, MARYLAND
LATE NIGHT

He lay curled in Jimmy's arms again, as he had several nights during the last month. His friend 
was already asleep, something that had been eluding Byers deftly since they'd slipped themselves 
into the Texas prison to try to prove the innocence of one Douglas Pfeiffer, murderer.

Byers tried to tear his thoughts away from that time yet again, managing marginal success by 
focusing on Jimmy's soft breathing, the other man's strength surrounding him in his bed. 
Frohike and Langly knew this had been happening and hadn't said much about it, but he could 
feel them watching him sometimes. He felt their eyes burn him with their unasked questions. He 
wondered how long it would be before one or the other of them, or Yves, who always seemed to 
know everything, would corner him and pressure him into some declaration of identity, or try to 
convince him to see a psychologist.

The problem was, he didn't have anything to declare. No decision had been made, only a dark 
sense of longing in his gut, and his constant struggles with an increasing comfort at being in 
Jimmy's arms at night, in watching him appreciatively during the day. That comfort, and the 
inescapable presence of deep-rooted fears about anyone discovering that his dreams were, more 
and more often, turning to the man who now held him. 

The uncomfortable desires he'd been facing since Korowski had attempted to rape him were still 
terrifying, but as time passed, they were becoming an irresistible force, like the tide itself; not to be 
questioned, only accepted. He was beginning to feel that something was inevitable between 
Jimmy and himself. Not that Jimmy had ever made the slightest move to persuade him, but he knew 
that Bond was attracted to him, that for some unfathomable reason the man loved him, and that 
Jimmy was waiting for him to make the first move.

How would acting on those desires change things? Could he even bring himself to let go of his 
strangling self-control and allow himself to genuinely feel the desire, let himself touch Jimmy -- or 
let Jimmy touch him -- like they did in his dreams before they shapeshifted to nightmares? Or 
would he wake from this warm, comfortable moment to the cold horror of that prison cell, with 
Korowski still there, only a thin concrete wall between them? Sometimes he wasn't sure what was 
reality and what the nightmare. He shuddered and drew himself closer to Jimmy.

Jimmy mumbled and shifted, then tightened his arms around John. "You okay?" he asked, his 
voice thick with sleep.

"I... yeah, I think so. I was just thinking." Byers sighed, settling into the embrace.

Jimmy opened his eyes a crack and looked down at John. "'Bout what?" he asked, slightly more 
alert. "Anything you want to talk about?"

Byers looked up,  noting the concern in his friend's face. He started to speak, but choked back 
his thought.

"It's okay, John. You can talk to me about whatever you like." Jimmy ran a gentle hand along the 
back of Byers' neck and down his spine to his waist. 

The touch swept through John's body like a typhoon, his desire returning full force. It rooted 
itself in his cock, stiffening inside his pajamas. Taking a swift, deep breath, he held it and tried to 
drive the desire away. The need remained firmly in place.

Jimmy tilted his head like a terrier, giving him a puzzled, protective look. "What's wrong?"

John shook his head. "Nothing. Everything. I just..." He blushed, hoping it wouldn't be visible 
in the dark. His arms tightened around Jimmy's chest and he buried his face there for a moment, 
but the scent of his athletic friend only made things worse. His cock twitched again, bumping 
Jimmy's leg, and that inadvertent touch set him aflame.

"I think I can figure this one out," Jimmy said. John looked up at the broad smile that played 
across Jimmy's sleepy face. "It's okay, John. Nothing's going to happen unless you want it to. I 
would never do anything unless you asked." The grin faded to a tender seriousness. "But I hope 
someday you will."

His hand slid  up Byers' back again, then trailed across his shoulder and down one arm. 

John could feel the hair rising on his body, goose bumps forming. A tiny gasp escaped his lips, 
even as he tried to fight it down. "I want to," he whispered.

Jimmy closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. "But you're not ready yet."

"I don't know."

"If you don't know, you're not ready yet," Jimmy said. "Like in football, you gotta know when 
you're in just the right place to kick. It's gotta feel right. Gotta be natural." He eased the tips of 
his fingers down the edge of John's jaw, tracing the line of his beard.

"Sorry, Jimmy. The only sport I did in school was the debate team."

John lay his ear against Jimmy's shoulder and could hear his heart rate rise as his fingers caressed 
John's face. He leaned up on his elbows, moving until he was face to face with the tall, muscular 
blonde, one of his legs between Jimmy's. The closeness made him even more nervous and 
aroused. "But I think..." He paused to take a deep breath, forcing himself to say the words he'd 
feared. "I think I really do want that. Want you." He closed his eyes, his face sinking closer to 
Jimmy's until the tips of their noses were touching, foreheads pressed gently together.

Byers opened his eyes to find Jimmy looking at him, silent. The man's fingertips moved from his 
jaw bone to his lips with a feather soft touch. They burned across his lips and he squeezed his eyes 
shut, savoring the flame, opening his mouth and touching Jimmy's moving fingers with the tip of 
his tongue. He heard Jimmy's sudden, almost silent intake of breath and felt the man shudder 
minutely under his body. John pressed his now hard cock against Jimmy's hip, feeling Jimmy 
grow hard against his own.

It was frightening and delicious at the same time. His fear only seemed to give a sharper edge to 
the pleasure in the sensation.

John's eyes snapped open, afraid that if he left them closed, this erotic moment would turn to 
nightmare, Jimmy's body shifting to Korwoski's, his friend's slightly mint-tinged breath turning 
to the fetid stink of stale cigarette smoke. Jimmy was still watching him through half-closed eyes. 
The thought started to make him lose his erection, and he shoved it back hard, worried that he 
wouldn't be able to do anything, no matter how much he wanted to. And he did want to -- wanted 
to so much he ached.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Jimmy asked. "I know you're still afraid. It's okay. You don't 
have to do this."

"Yes, I do," John said. He moved Jimmy's hand away from his lips, then pressed his mouth to 
Jimmy's. Eyes still open, he kissed his friend, all too aware of how deeply he felt this throughout 
his entire body, his cock responding again, harder than before.  

With a low, soft moan, Jimmy opened his mouth to John's tongue, returning the kiss with a 
softness that turned to deep passion. Jimmy's hands caressed John's sides and back, following the 
lines of muscle and tendon down to John's slender waist, then hesitantly cupping his ass, holding 
John closer. Byers pressed his body to Jimmy's, welcoming the touch even as it made him shudder 
with fear. He refused to pull away, as he had in the van on the road trip home. His heart was 
pounding like a racehorse at a gallop as he felt Jimmy move beneath him, hard cock sliding along 
his hip as the man thrust slowly against him.

When Byers broke the kiss, both men were panting as though they'd just finished a 50 yard 
sprint. 

"Are you really sure you want to do this?" Jimmy asked. "We can stop any time you want, but 
please stop before you go farther than you really think you can." He looked into John's eyes, 
begging him wordlessly to stop if this was too awkward or uncomfortable.

Byers slipped off Jimmy's body and ran his hands down Jimmy's bare chest, sliding over his 
nipples and tracing the firm abdominal muscles that he'd admired so much. He touched damp 
kisses down the center of Jimmy's chest, then ran his tongue along one rib until he came to 
Jimmy's nipple. Pausing, unsure, he licked once, gently. Jimmy's nipple hardened as John's 
tongue passed over it, and he moaned. 

John's hand slid down into the slit of Jimmy's cotton briefs, the high of this hot, sensual touch 
making him far braver than he ever imagined he could be. Meeting the hard, silken flesh of 
Jimmy's erection stopped him, though. It burned the tips of his fingers. For one frozen moment, 
John was terrified -- his fears had found him. But he liked how this felt. Enjoyed Jimmy's kiss. Was 
aroused by the sensation of their bodies pressed together, their hands on each other, the solidity 
of Jimmy's firm body under him. And he knew he wanted more. This wasn't some passing 
curiosity; his feelings and desires were real, and so intense he knew he would drown in them if he 
ever tried to deny them again. He could hear his father's enraged, horrified voice in his head, but 
for once savagely pushed the old man's words down. Bertram Byers wasn't here, would never be 
here. Only John was here, touching Jimmy, Jimmy touching him, and John was feeling deep 
pleasure in it.

Byers knew that whatever happened, his life could never be the same. He'd deal with the 
consequences later, in the unforgiving sun. He licked at the hollow of Jimmy's throat.

Jimmy groaned, back arching, as John slowly slid his fingers along the length of his shaft. This 
was too much like being a virgin again. He remembered the disaster that was his first time around. 
What if he wasn't good enough? What if he left Jimmy... frustrated -- or worse, angry and 
disgusted with his lack of discernable experience or technique?

"More, John," Jimmy whispered, his voice low and rough with desire.

Byers carefully took Jimmy's cock in his hand and started pumping, slow and gentle, as he liked it 
himself when he was just getting started. "Like this?" He hoped that Jimmy would like it this way.

"Ohhh, yeah..."

The sound of Jimmy's voice went straight to his cock, making it twitch and jump as Jimmy's hands 
ran slowly over his ass. He was suddenly aware there was a lot of cloth between the two of them. 
This had to change, but not while he was busy exploring this new and very exciting physical 
charge. Jimmy's breathing and squirming were leading him to believe that maybe he wasn't doing 
such a bad job here after all.

"Squeeze a little harder," Jimmy growled, thrusting into John's hand. The thrust brought John's 
cock into intense contact with Jimmy's moving hip, making John moan. He increased the 
pressure to Jimmy's cock, running his thumb along the hot head inside the man's tight briefs. His 
efforts were rewarded with a deep groan from Jimmy.

Bond opened his eyes. "Let me get those off you," he said. 

Before Byers could respond, Jimmy had rolled both of them onto their sides facing each other, 
and was unbuttoning John's pajama shirt. His big hands were shaking as he loosed the buttons, 
sliding his hands along John's smooth chest as the buttons were undone and the shirt fell away. 

"Can't get enough of you," Jimmy whispered, voice husky and deep. There was adoration, 
bordering on worship, in his eyes. He sat, pulling John up next to him.

John kept pumping and caressing Jimmy's cock as Bond started kissing his throat, licking and 
sucking as he moved down John's chest. It felt so good. Jimmy's mouth distracted him, and he 
loosened his grip as he slid into a warm, blissful state. When Jimmy sucked and nibbled one of his 
nipples, he was jerked back into awareness with a startled grunt.

He looked down to see Jimmy look up at him, flushed and panting. "You okay? Did I hurt you?"

Byers shook his head. "No," he gasped, "just... wasn't expecting it." For a moment, there was a 
bit of a tangle as Jimmy helped him get the pajama top off, then reached down to pull the pants 
down his hips. Jimmy's big, hot hands on his flesh only made him want more. They also made him 
uneasy. Other hands had tried to hold him down, and it was hard to get them out of his mind. The 
sensations were mixing in his brain again, in a way that he didn't like.

No. He couldn't think about that. Every time it came to mind he started to soften, and he didn't 
want to lose this exquisite contact. When Jimmy's tongue glided over his navel and along his 
abdomen, all thoughts of Korowski and the other inmates vanished as his head went back and he 
arched his body into the man's tongue, gasping. He felt Jimmy move and shift his weight again, so 
he looked down to see what was going on.

Jimmy looked up at him, grinning. "God, John, you are so hot." Bond's voice was filled with 
passion. Byers had never thought of himself as anything even remotely resembling 'hot,' but 
coming from Jimmy, this absurd claim only made him feel warm and wanted. His cock twitched 
again as Jimmy caressed it with one hand. He just moaned in response.

Both of them were now naked in his bed. He wasn't entirely certain when Jimmy had shucked his 
briefs, or whether he'd helped him do it, but the sight of him exposed like this, tangled in sheets as 
the slight ambient light of the warehouse cast itself across his bedroom, was almost more than he 
could bear. They held each other tight, hands gripping each other's cocks as they caressed one 
another, thrusting into each other's hands. Jimmy's mouth never left his skin, sucking, licking 
and nibbling his neck, his shoulders, his throat, his chest and sides. He made sounds like John 
had never heard from him before, wanton and passionate. Jimmy's cock in his hand felt so good; 
hot, hard and throbbing, the skin silk-smooth.

John felt it as Jimmy got closer to the edge, could hear it in his breath. His movement grew more 
erratic, his cock thicker. When Jimmy came, he was beautiful in the dim blue-tinged light. John 
had never seen such beauty in a man before, such sensuality. Had he really done this? Was he 
genuinely capable of giving another man this much pleasure? His thumb slid across the slit of 
Jimmy's cock and Bond moaned.

"God, John, I love you... feels so good..."

Byers, shocked at the admission, let go of Jimmy's still twitching cock, and moved back from him 
a bit. He couldn't move too far, as Jimmy had one arm around him and the other hand clenched 
around John's cock. Bond buried his face in John's neck, nibbling along the tendon from his 
clavicle to the angle of his jaw. The combination of the physical arousal and the impossible words 
left Byers completely confused and disoriented even as he gasped for breath, wallowing in his own 
needs. He'd known Jimmy loved him, but... men didn't say those kinds of things to each other. At 
least, not in his experience. The dissonance was unnerving.

Jimmy looked up at him, noticing that Byers had moved away, and his cock was going soft. "Are 
you okay?" he asked.

John thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah. I guess so. I've just never... well... you... you 
love me?" He bit back an urge to get up and run. It would hurt Jimmy, and he couldn't stand the 
humiliation of doing something like that, fleeing naked and half hard from his own bedroom.

"Yeah," Jimmy whispered, looking into John's frightened eyes. "I do. Was this too much for 
you?"

"No. I just... I was startled, that's all."

Jimmy cupped John's jaw in his hand and kissed him gently. "Please don't be afraid of me. You 
know I'd never hurt you. I couldn't, not for anything."

Byers was tense at first, but relaxed as Jimmy kissed him again, arms wrapped around John, warm 
and steady. He sighed as Bond's well built form rubbed against his own slighter body as he lay on 
his back. The feeling of peace and arousal was returning as Jimmy's mouth and hands moved over 
him again. The warm stickiness of Jimmy's come on their bodies was, in a weird way, reassuring, 
and Jimmy was stiffening again, his hot cock thrusting hard and slow against John's.

"I want to do something for you," Jimmy whispered into his ear between nibbles.

Byers could barely think straight, he was so aroused. "Wh.. what?"

"I want to suck you."

The words went through him like a hot knife, and his cock leaped. It was just like the dreams he'd 
been having -- Jimmy licking and kissing his way down John's body, his mouth all hot and wet, 
his tongue curling around the head of his cock...

All he could do was moan as Jimmy started sliding down him, fingers caressing his balls, teeth 
gently tweaking his nipples, tongue washing away the stickiness of semen from his chest and 
stomach. As Jimmy moved closer to his destination, John opened his eyes and watched the broad 
shouldered blonde trailing kisses along the inside angles of his thighs, fingers snaking through 
his pubic hair, his cock standing at attention. It was happening, and it felt... wonderful. His entire 
body was trembling from the anticipation and the pleasure he was feeling. How could he have 
denied himself this sweet delight for so many years?

He ran his fingers through Jimmy's hair, and Bond slid his tongue along his balls. John gasped. 
"Yessss," he hissed. Jimmy took his balls into his mouth, sucking and licking carefully, and John 
lay back and moaned, arching into Jimmy's mouth. He was so hard... this felt so good.

Jimmy's fingers traced along the underside of his cock, and he thrust hard against the touch. He 
wanted more. He wanted that hot, moving mouth on his cock. "Please... more," he begged.

Bond complied eagerly, licking his way up John's shaft as Byers writhed and thrust at him. At last, 
Jimmy took John into his mouth. It was hot and sweet and wet and... John shuddered at the ecstatic 
pull of Jimmy sucking him, taking him deep. He cried out when Jimmy took his entire length, 
sliding the head of his cock down his throat. This was better than the dreams, so much better than 
he'd ever hoped. He thrust wildly into Bond's mouth as his entire body burned, his fingers 
digging into the mattress, trying to bind himself to something in the here and now, lest he lose 
himself forever in this maddeningly delicious feeling. Jimmy's tongue slid along his length, 
touching the edge of his balls, and he moaned again.

He looked down at the man making love to him, and for one horrifying split second, Jimmy's 
body became Korowski's. He yelped and tried to back away, crawling backwards toward the 
corner of the bed against the wall.

Jimmy backed off of him, swift as a wild animal. "What happened?" He was gasping, shock and 
startlement in his eyes. "John, are you okay? Where are you?" Jimmy crawled up the bed and 
took John in his arms. Byers was shaking.

"Was him... for a second you... he..." John slammed the walls up around himself again, 
withdrawing.

"Oh, man." Jimmy slid into a sitting position next to him, carefully putting an arm around John's 
shoulders, caressing Byers' face with his other hand. "It's just me, John, just me. Korowski's not 
here. There's nobody here but you and me. You're safe, you're okay." He carefully pulled Byers 
into him, rocking him gently and speaking softly as his terrified lover fought to calm his rapid 
panting.

John stared into Jimmy's eyes. "I know," he said, gasping for breath. "Just for a second... for a 
second...  it was him. I freaked. God, I'm so sorry, Jimmy..." He hid his face, turning it toward the 
wall, ashamed of his outburst.

"No, John, it's okay. It's not your fault. This just went way too fast for you. I shoulda known. I 
shoulda gone slower. It's all my fault. I just wanted you too much..." Jimmy's voice caught and 
Byers looked back to him. "I didn't mean to hurt you," Bond finished, misery evident in his 
posture and his voice.

"I'm the one who should have known better," John said. "I should have known it was too soon 
for that. I'll be okay. It was only for a second." He was already steadying with the contact, Jimmy 
holding him tightly, rocking him gently back and forth.

"Are you gonna be all right?"

Byers took a deep breath and nodded. "But... let's just stay with the touching for right now. I 
really wanted what you were doing, but..." He looked away again for a moment. "It was just a little 
much for me yet." He'd gone completely limp at the scare, but given a few minutes, and the right 
kind of touch, he thought maybe he could let himself enjoy this again. He wanted to finish what 
they'd started, but now he knew it would have to be something a little less... intense.

John ran one hand softly down Jimmy's arm, taking his hand. Their fingers interlaced, and John 
stared at their hands, his long, thin fingers entwined with Jimmy's larger, thicker ones. This felt 
good. It was reassuring. And Jimmy was trailing tiny kisses along the line of his hair around his 
ear. That felt good too. Carefully, he placed Jimmy's hand on his chest, then slowly moved the 
open palm down his body, across his stomach, then finally back to his cock. Jimmy circled it 
gently with his fingers, stirring it back to life. Playing gently, he caressed John's balls, teased the 
head, tickled the sensitive underside. 

"Are you sure this is gonna be okay?" Jimmy asked.

With a sigh, Byers leaned back against the headboard, letting Jimmy cradle him with one arm 
while he was stroked by Bond's other hand. "Just talk to me," he said. "I'll be okay if I can hear 
your voice." With Jimmy's face so close, he could smell the minty toothpaste on his breath, so 
different from Korowski's nicotine soaked body. It was reassuring, something he could cling to.

"You let me know if this gets bad again. I mean it. I don't want to hurt you, John -- not like this. 
Not after everything you've been through."

"I'll be okay, Jimmy." John lay his head back against Jimmy's shoulder, and Jimmy leaned in and 
carefully kissed and sucked at John's exposed throat. After a moment, Jimmy's mouth covered his, 
and they kissed. Bond's hand tugged and caressed his cock as he grew harder. Gradually, he 
relaxed into the sensation, carefully letting his defenses down again, keeping himself sharply 
aware that it was Jimmy touching him, not anyone else. Their tongues slid along each other, and 
Jimmy's hand began moving more quickly as the kiss deepened. 

Byers' breathing started getting ragged as Jimmy pumped his cock. Fingers tightened and slid 
along his shaft, a rough thumb playing in the slit, and he began thrusting into the other man's 
movement. He could feel himself getting close, and pre-come slicked the head of his cock as he 
began to leak fluid, his balls tightening with the intense pleasure. John wrapped his arms around 
Jimmy, pulling him into their now desperate kisses. He spread his legs so that Jimmy would have 
more access to him, thrusting and moaning as the friction dragged him closer and closer to the 
edge.

He groaned in disappointment when Jimmy's mouth moved away from his, but as Bond began to 
lick and suck his way down his neck to his chest, whispering comforting, loving words the entire 
time, Byers just gave in and let it all happen. Jimmy's mouth slid along his chest, finally settling on 
a nipple, sucking hard as he pumped John's cock in earnest. John growled and gasped for breath, 
the heat building in him as pressure increased in his balls. He was close, riding the edge.

"Oh God, yes," was all he could say, his body begging for more as Jimmy squeezed, jerking him 
hard, with just the right amount of pressure. John dug his fingers into the pillows under him as the 
orgasm hit, and he shouted as his cock spurted again and again, not caring if anyone heard -- 
forgetting there was anyone to hear but the man touching him -- everything in his world in that 
moment was centered on the intense, ecstatic feeling of Jimmy touching and licking and sucking 
him, hand clenched hard around his cock as his body jerked and spasmed in this deeply desired 
release.

And then he felt as though his bones were turning to water. Exhausted, he slid down into the bed 
as Jimmy wiped him off. He opened his eyes for a moment, realizing that the cloth was his pajama 
top, but for once it didn't matter that he'd have to wash it in the morning. He honestly didn't care.

Jimmy helped ease him down the bed, then straightened and pulled the tangled covers up over 
both of them. Sighing, Byers reached out to take Jimmy in his arms, and his lover slid down next to 
him, holding him close.

"You're so good, John. Oh, man, you are beautiful. I loved watching you come."

Byers smiled quietly. "Jimmy, that was... that... I don't even have words for it. You felt so good."

Bond hugged him tight, kissing him again. "I wanted to make it good for you. It'll get better as it 
goes along. Honest."

"It gets better?"

Jimmy chuckled deep in his chest. "Oh yeah. Lots better. Believe me, I know."

John sighed, content, his energy spent. "I'd like to find out. But later."

"I know. Don't worry. We won't rush anything." With another soft kiss, Jimmy settled down to 
sleep.

Tomorrow would hold its own challenges. He knew there was no way Frohike and Langly could 
not have heard him shouting when he came, but he really didn't care. The only thing that 
mattered right now was how he felt, here and now. And for once, he felt wonderful, mind at ease, 
calm, and sated. 

He'd done it. He'd let himself feel what he'd desired all his life. No matter what else might 
happen, in this glowing moment it was worth it. He'd face whatever consequences might come in 
their own time, but right now, right here, this feeling was his. The man in his arms loved him, and 
that made him very happy. He would never let anyone steal this feeling from him, frighten him 
from it, ever again. He shifted his weight against Jimmy, and Bond lay his head on John's chest. 
Byers ran his fingers through Jimmy's short cropped hair.

Bliss.

In a few moments, the two were asleep, curled together in a loving embrace.

End -- for the moment