Series: Moments Sacred and Profane

Title: MSP17: Requiem

Author: Mice

Email: just_us_mice@yahoo.com

Category: Stargate: Atlantis, McKay/Beckett

Warnings: slash, angst

Spoilers: season one up to The Siege pt 1

Rating: R

Summary: The Wraith are at the gates. A tale of love and loss.

Archive: If it's on your list, you can archive it. If it isn't and you'd like it, just let me know where you're putting it.

Feedback: Feed me, Seymour.

Website: Mice's Hole in the Wall https://www.squidge.org/mice

Mirror: http://mice.inkpress.org

Disclaimer: Not mine. They belong to many other people. But if they were mine, they'd be having very interesting adventures.

Author's Notes: Many thanks to my new Language Czecher, Cattie, for her corrections on my terrible computer-generated Czech. I'm going back to replace problem spots in previous stories and will be passing it by her Native-speakerness for subsequent tales so that Radek doesn't sound silly to his countrymen. A nod to Jademeister for Aussie-isms. As always, thanks for beta and IRC kibitzing to Abylity, Zortified, Lucia Tanaka and kt4ever, without whom, etc.

~~~

Who were your lovers? who were they who wrestled for you in the dust?

~~Oscar Wilde, from The Sphinx~~

Radek stood watching Rodney's back as he left to load the Jumper. "Come back safe," he whispered. Why Rodney had to be so irritating and so dear to him was a puzzle he just wasn't up to solving. Peter would be on the Jumper as well, and Radek was even more worried about him. Rodney, at least, had field experience. Peter hadn't been offworld at all yet, except during the storm.

Out and back, he told himself. They were just going out and back. They would examine the satellite, fix things or not, possibly blow up some Hiveships and come home. He hoped. Of course, nothing was ever that simple. They had barely two days before the Wraith would arrive. Rodney and Peter would be gone more than thirty of those hours.

'Keep an eye on my city for me,' Rodney had asked. Radek sighed. He would do his best, but the most pressing thing on his mind was the city's self-destruct protocol, and what to do about the Ancient database if the Wraith weren't stopped by the satellite. Take care of Atlantis? It was a painful joke.

He turned back to his computer, hoping for the best.

***

Geoff waited by the Jumper with Peter, helping stack the supplies they would need for the mission. "Kick some serious Wraith ass," he said. "And watch yourself, okay?"

Peter grinned. "You know we'll be fine. Rodney's far too fond of his own skin to let anything happen."

"Yeah," Geoff said, "but that doesn't mean I don't worry. Hell, I'm scared half to death about what's going to happen when they get here."

"If all goes well, they won't," Peter insisted. "Our best guess is that all the satellite needs is power, and the naquadah generator should give us enough to work with."

"All right Grodin, Osbourne, that's enough dallying. Get your girly butts in gear," Rodney said as he entered the Jumper bay. "Tick tick. Time's wasting. Miller, you ready?" He rolled the cart with the generator into the Jumper's cargo hold.

"Yeah, Doc," Miller said. "We were just waiting on you."

Rodney grinned. "Only because I'm the most important component of any mission."

"Only because you're the slowest person here," Peter sniped. He whacked Rodney on the back.

"Hey, watch it. You're gonna throw my back out." Rodney gave him the Look of Death.

Geoff gave Peter a peck on the lips. "Be careful, all right?" He looked over at Rodney. "That goes for you too. And good luck."

Peter tousled Geoff's hair. "Always. Take care of Radek until I get back, and save some of the good stuff for me."

"Oh, come on guys, I so don't wanna know about that shit," Miller said with a groan.

"Keep it in your pants, Peter," Rodney said.

"At least until you get home," Geoff added with a grin.

Miller shook his head. "I can already tell this is going to be a painful trip." He sighed, resignation in his eyes.

"All right, ladies, let's get this show on the road," Rodney said. He tugged on Peter's sleeve. "Fire it up, Miller."

Geoff waved to them and hurried off.

***

Rodney sat with the EVA suit, checking it over. He didn't know if they'd have to use it, but if he ended up in the damned thing, he wanted to be certain there weren't any leaks. Leaks combined with hard vacuum were a very bad thing.

Actually, explosive decompression in general was a very bad thing, and one he wanted to avoid by any means possible. He didn't look up when Peter came back to sit with him.

"You going to be all right?" Peter asked.

Rodney looked up at him. He really didn't want to think about last time he'd been out this way. "Yeah. Yeah, I think so."

Peter's hand ghosted across his shoulder. "You didn't have to come. You could have sent Radek."

"No." Rodney shook his head. "I couldn't. I'm the best one for this job. And why would you want him along, anyway? It's too risky. He's not a field type."

"Neither am I," Peter observed. "But I'm here."

"Because I need your help; I've only got two hands. If I could have done this alone, I would have." He looked back down at the suit, still examining everything obsessively. "I should think you'd want him safe," Rodney said quietly. "I mean, with you and him and Geoff, that thing you have going."

Peter shifted on the bench. "What about it?"

"I thought you and Geoff broke up back in Antarctica. I don't get it." He looked up again, letting the collar of the suit rest in his lap.

"Well," Peter said, "Geoff met Radek."

Rodney blinked at him. "That makes no sense. Why would you split up with him if he met Radek and you guys are all... well... umm..."

Peter looked at him, confused for a moment then chuckled. "You really don't get it, do you?"

"No," Rodney said, frustrated. "No, I don't. Please, somebody explain it to me before my brain explodes."

Peter leaned back against the bulkhead. "Geoff and I were just having fun, Rodney. He fell for Radek hard, so I stepped back and let them get together. It was perfectly civilized."

"Civilized," Rodney muttered. It made no sense to him. "Why get involved with somebody if it's not serious?"

"Because there's nothing wrong with having fun. Because life's too short to wonder 'what if?' Because sometimes fun turns into something more serious if you let it. And with the Wraith nearly here, well..." his voice softened. "I think most people are looking for a little comfort wherever they can find it." He raised an eyebrow at Rodney. "Haven't you ever just had fun with someone? Has it all been like what you have with Carson?"

That took Rodney aback. Actually, he'd never had anything with anyone like what he had with Carson. He shook his head. "No."

"Really? Well, with your blatant lack of social skills, that doesn't surprise me." Peter chuckled and grinned at him. It stung.

"You weren't having too much success in chasing Terr away when he was following you around," Rodney said. "I seem to recall you having to plant one on the Major to get the old man to see the light. 'Lack of social skills,' my charming Canadian ass." He'd hassled Sheppard about it unmercifully for weeks afterwards.

Peter blushed. "A fluke, I assure you. My native charm usually manages to win the day."

Rodney grinned. "Right. And tell me, what is it with Radek and the whole bed-hopping thing? Last time, it was Siwicki. Now it's you. What the hell is with that? Like he doesn't get enough from Geoff?"

"Erin was lonely and interested. Geoff and Radek decided if she wanted that, they were all right with it." He shrugged.

"So it was what, an elaborate pity-fuck?" That didn't seem right.

"Far from it. They genuinely do care about her, even if Geoff isn't interested in women." Peter looked thoughtful. "I don't know if this will make any sense to you. Some people just aren't wired for monogamy. The idea of being stuck with only one person for the rest of my life is just mind-numbing. It could be that you're different, I don't know."

"I thought that was how it was supposed to be?" Rodney said.

Peter snorted. "Right. Like it's 'supposed to be' a man and a woman?"

"That's different," Rodney said.

Peter tilted his head, giving him a piercing look. "Is it?" Rodney leaned back for a moment, confused. Was it? Really? He couldn't think of anything to say. Peter smiled indulgently. "Sometimes you end up falling in love with more than one person at the same time." He sighed. "If the chance comes your way, Rodney, don't pass it up. Carson's a good man and he'd understand if you met someone else you cared for. You'd not have to break up over it."

The thought intrigued him almost as much as it bothered him. He never thought he'd have even one person he cared for who returned those feelings. More than that seemed impossible. Rodney turned his attention back to the EVA suit.

***

Carson was exhausted. He hadn't slept in close to two days, and his sleep before that had been severely disturbed since he'd been forced to play fighter pilot. He was still feeling miserable from his run-in with the Genii, though he hadn't told anyone about it. He'd only hinted at it to Kate Heightmeyer, not wanting her to pull him from duty when things were so frantic and they needed every hand.

Releasing Teyla for duty hadn't been a problem, at least physically. Unfortunately, there was no way to know what the Wraith might have done to her mind. Were they still in her head? He had no clue and no way to find out. They hadn't much knowledge of the Wraith's telepathic capacities. His interactions with 'Steve' had been limited at best and were primarily concerned with the physical aspects of its biology.

He told himself that everyone needed him. He had too much to do. His restlessness and anxiety had nothing to do with Rodney being so far away. It was just another mission, after all. Just another couple of days without him. Just another couple of days before the Wraith would be here and probably kill them all.

Feeling so empty and vulnerable bothered him. It wasn't as if the Genii could do anything to him here. 'Get over it, you daft bugger,' he told himself. 'They can't touch you now.' It didn't make any real difference. He leaned both elbows on his desk and buried his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes.

"Carson, are you feeling all right?" Anand Chandrapurna leaned into the room. Carson looked up at him.

"Aye, I'm just tired." He pushed himself back from his desk and got to his feet.

Anand looked at him with concern on his face and shook his head. "When is the last time you slept, my friend?"

"Last night," he said, knowing it was only a partial truth.

"Half an hour is not sleep," Anand told him, brown eyes boring into him. "You have been looking poorly since you were rescued. I think you should go and lie down."

"Anand, I think I know when I'm competent and when I'm not."

Anand looked skeptical. "If you do not leave by a reasonable hour, I shall have Shel walk you to your quarters and tuck you in herself."

Carson smiled, but it was hollow. "All right, then. I think I can live with that."

***

M1M-316 was, as advertised, a lush planet, apparently uninhabited. Sheppard sighed, taking in the warm, sweet-scented afternoon. It was nice to relax a bit on a recon mission for a change. No humans meant no Genii spies, no angry natives, no glowy ascended Ancients and, unfortunately, no ZPM's. But it might mean a margin of safety for his people.

The water looked clear. There were trees enough for building the necessary shelters. A lot of the plants looked like they might just be edible, but the botanists could determine that. They'd spent a couple of hours surveying the area surrounding the Gate looking for the best site when Ford tugged on his sleeve.

"Hey," Aiden said, "I've been seeing these things around here and there. The ground's been kinda torn up, but here, where the ground is damp... I mean, doesn't that look..."

John looked down to where Aiden pointed. It was a large depression in the wet earth and vegetation. There was something disturbingly familiar about the shape.

"No way. You don't think--"

Aiden gave him a look. "Reminds me of 'Jurassic Park,' Sir."

Sheppard shook his head. "Oh no. No way." He looked around suspiciously.

Teyla gave them a curious glance. "What are you talking about?"

"This." Sheppard pointed. "Looks like a footprint."

She gazed down at it and looked back up at him. "I have never seen such a thing before, nor have I seen any creature that could make such a footprint. It is extremely large. Why do you think it is a foot? Would not a creature large enough to make such a print collapse under its own weight?"

"Well, a long time ago on Earth, there were these things called dinosaurs." He sighed, describing some of the varieties.

"Riordan has a copy of 'Jurassic Park' on DVD," Ford said. "It's a really cool movie. Dinosaurs eating people and everything." He grinned enthusiastically.

"Large creatures eating people amuses you?" Teyla looked confused. They walked along toward the Gate and Sheppard wondered if they were just imagining things.

"Yeah, it's great. It's sorta like 'Jaws.'" Aiden was on a roll now.

Teyla gave him a strange look. "A large, dangerous fish that eats people."

"Yeah. Or 'Boa vs. Python.'"

Sheppard chuckled. Teyla sighed. "Large, dangerous snakes that eat people. I believe I am detecting a trend," she said.

"That would be our man Ford," Sheppard said. "If it's not explosions, it's big, dangerous things eating people."

"Those are always the most fun," Ford said, "if you can't get explosions."

"Men," she muttered. "On all planets, I swear, they are the same."

They were about a quarter mile from the Gate when the noise started. At first it was just loud rustling in the trees but within moments it had become crashing branches and thumping. "Oh shit," he said softly. "Ford, is that what I think that is?"

Ford's eyes were wide with near panic. "Oh man. No way. It can't be for real."

The earth began trembling under their feet. Teyla looked toward the encroaching sound and her mouth fell open. Sheppard looked toward what had caught her attention. "Holy shit. That looks like--"

"T Rex!" Ford shouted. "*RUN*!"

Everyone screamed and ran for the Gate, not even bothering to fire at the immense toothy creature hurrying behind them. Teyla got there first. "Dial it! Dial it!" Sheppard bellowed. Teyla slapped the DHD frantically as they ran past her. The Gate bloomed. Ford slapped his IDC.

"Coming in hot!" Sheppard screamed into his radio. "Open the shield!" He turned, firing wildly at the thing. They ran through, not waiting for confirmation. He hoped they wouldn't splat when they got to the other side of the wormhole.

***

Rodney was sweating in the EVA suit. "Aren't these damned things supposed to have air conditioners?" he grumbled.

"Think of all the money you're saving on sauna baths," Peter said, chuckling.

"You try working while there's sweat drooling out of your armpits and you can't do a damned thing about it," Rodney groused.

"Way too much information, Doc," Miller said. "I so didn't need to know that."

Rodney grimaced. "You've been saying that the entire trip. Is there anything you think you *do* need to know?" He pulled some more crystalline circuits from the wall and looked at his tablet display. Still no life support. This was going to take forever and he just didn't have that kind of time. With a muffled curse, he kicked the wall, floating gently away. "Damn it."

"What?" Peter asked, a bit of concern in his voice. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah. I just keep forgetting the whole Newtonian mess of weightlessness in action." He thumped against the opposite wall and pushed himself back to where he'd been working.

"You've been at this for an hour and a half now," Peter reminded him.

Rodney snorted, wishing like hell he could scratch his nose. "I am painfully aware of that, Lieutenant Data. You wanna shut off your internal chronograph for a little while and let me work?"

"We haven't much time, Rodney." Peter sounded vaguely annoyed.

"I *know* that. Remember me? Time limit on the whole breathing thing? Hello!" He fiddled with the circuits in his hand, slipping them into their new places, and the panel lights came up. "Oh, hey! I think I've got it now!" He tugged the cord on his tablet and it came floating over to him. "Yes! About fucking time. Okay guys, let's get moving here! Time's wasting!" He couldn't wait to get out of that horrible EVA suit.

***

Radek leaned on the table, bracing himself on both palms as he stared at the computer screen. His sight was blurring from focusing too long, the lines of code blending together into one grey smear. Sighing, he pulled his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.

"Radek, come to bed," Geoff said. He put a hand on Radek's shoulder, moving close behind him. Radek could feel the welcome warmth of his lover's body only centimetres away.

"I'm sorry, Geoff, but I really cannot sleep. This program, having to destroy the city -- I don't know what to do. And the worst part is having to destroy the Ancient database. That, it will be almost impossible, and so much knowledge lost." It ached in him; to destroy it went against his nature. It violated everything he believed in.

Geoff sighed. "Maybe you could just install Windows."

Radek glared at him. "You call that an operating system?"

"Exactly. It would shred anything."

"I wonder if it would work on the Wraith's systems as well?" He couldn't help a small smile quirking his lips.

Geoff smiled back. "They're going to be okay, you know. They've got to be almost done by now. They'll be back tomorrow afternoon."

Radek sighed and nodded. "I worry."

"I know, babe." Geoff's smile faded. "So do I. But I hate what it's doing to everyone, how we're all falling apart. People are losing their tempers over nothing, working themselves to exhaustion. Nobody's sleeping much, if they do at all. I hate to see you looking so fried. Are your eyes even focusing?"

"On you? Yes. On the computer? Not so much," Radek admitted. "I think I should enlarge font. Perhaps I could keep on for a little longer tonight."

"No, Radek. Come to bed. I don't care if it's only for an hour or two, you need some sleep and so do I." Geoff tugged at his arm, pulling him away from the table. He followed, though perhaps not as reluctantly as he should have.

"This is important, Geoff." Guilt, more than anything, made him object.

"And Simpson and the rest of the team are working on it too, right?"

Radek nodded. "Yes. But--"

His lover pointed to the bedroom. "No buts, except yours, which is landing in that bed in the next five minutes or I'm gonna have Chandrapurna drug your ass so that you'll sleep a solid eight hours." Geoff looked like he meant it.

"I do not have eight hours for sleep, Geoff."

"Then you'll take two or three without my hauling your ass to the infirmary."

"All right, Milacku," Radek sighed. "Bed it is." He followed without further objection.

***

Erin sighed as she packed yet another box in one of the engineering labs. Her own had taken perhaps half an hour, being the only ethnomusicologist on the station. It wasn't like she had much, and the instruments she'd collected from the Athosians and their trips offworld weren't going to be going along to the Alpha site. It was a loss, but one she could deal with.

It was very, very early yet. She'd been unable to sleep and decided that packing and inventory when most of the engineers were doing other things would probably result in less annoyance for everyone. Lists had been left for those whose work was less critical -- people like the anthropologists, linguists, and admin staff. She'd spent far too much time translating Ancient recently and her body cried out for movement.

Her leg still ached a bit but the acetaminophen was helping. If she'd been back home, she'd have had a few hits of happy weed to deal with the pain and help her sleep, but when oh-god-thirty rolled around and she still hadn't closed her eyes, she knew she had to do something.

"Cables," she muttered. "Gods I hate cables." She ticked off 15 power cords on the manifest and stuffed the wrapped lengths into the box.

Erin turned when she heard the soft whoosh of the door opening behind her, expecting to see one of the engineering crew. Kate Heightmeyer's appearance startled her. "There's nobody here right now," she said, turning her attention back to the pile of cables.

"Actually, Dr. Siwicki," Heightmeyer said, "I was looking for you."

She turned and stared at the psychiatrist. "At 4:30 in the morning?"

"I was up. Hiro said you were in here."

"Okay, so I'm here. Somebody's gotta pack while the important people are saving our asses. What do you want?"

Heightmeyer shifted uncomfortably. That pleased Erin slightly more than it should, she knew, but she couldn't help it. "I've been going over my records. I noted that you're the only person on station who hasn't been in for an appointment. I was wondering how you were coping with what's been happening."

Erin slapped the cables in her hand down on the workbench. She drew herself up to her full height, trying not to notice the ache in her lower back and her thigh, and took a deep breath. "I always thought that was why people had friends, Dr. Heightmeyer. Friends: I'm sure you're familiar with the concept. And you know, getting laid once in a while helps too. You might consider trying it sometime."

Heightmeyer's face pinched and she paused, obviously counting to ten. "That really was out of line. What is it you have against me?"

Erin crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the workbench. "I don't like psychiatrists. I don't like people trying to poke around in my head and analyze me. I take my meds like I'm supposed to, okay? I'm neither suicidal nor dangerous to others. I do my work efficiently. What more do you want?"

"Would you be more comfortable if I asked Dr. Mallory to talk with you?" Heightmeyer's gaze left her feeling like she was under a microscope.

"No, actually, that would be even worse." She turned her face away. The last time she'd dealt with a male shrink...

"Because of what happened with Dr. Trent?"

Erin shrugged. She knew the incident was in her records. "Oh no. That would never have anything to do with my feelings about shrinks," she sniped, unable to keep her voice from dripping sarcasm. She shivered, not wanting to remember the mess it had made of her life. Getting involved with Joe had been a terrible mistake.

"Not all of us are like that, you know. What you claim he did was extremely unethical." There was sympathy in Heightmeyer's voice but Erin wasn't interested.

"Oh, great. You can't even decide if I'm lying about it." She tried not to growl but wasn't doing a very good job. "It wasn't like the state psychiatric association was cooperating when I filed charges. They tried to brush it under the rug. You can't tell me you people don't protect your own."

"I'm not your enemy, Erin," Heightmeyer said softly. "What happened to you was unconscionable."

"Yeah. Like you actually believe me." Erin snorted, angry and bitter. "I'm sure the SGC is gonna make it all better when I get home too. I'll take my chances with the Wraith, thanks. At least they're honest about their life-sucking agenda."

"Yet you've suggested that others come to see me. If you hate psychiatry so much, why do you do that?" Heightmeyer looked genuinely confused.

"I hate it for me," Erin said. "It's not that I don't think talking things out works, or that the meds aren't doing what they're supposed to. Are we done with my impromptu session for the night?"

Heightmeyer chuckled quietly. "Not if you're willing to keep talking to me."

"Give me one good reason why I should." Erin checked more cables off the manifest and put them in the box then turned to a pile that had gotten tangled. She sighed and picked up part of it, trying to figure out how to unwind the explosion of color.

"Because I'm concerned about you."

Erin looked up at that. "You? You don't even know me." She dropped the pile of tangled cables and turned on Heightmeyer. "You don't have the first fucking *clue* about me."

"I know what's in your record." Heightmeyer looked uneasy but determined, running one hand nervously through her blonde hair.

Erin snorted. "You think a person's psych record tells you all that much about them? It only tells you what might be wrong with them. It doesn't tell you what kind of person they are."

Heightmeyer's lips quirked, forming a tiny smile. "So, what kind of a person are you, then?"

"A busy one."

"You're very good at avoidance."

"What can I say? I'm talented, too." Erin sighed and tugged half-heartedly at the end of one cable, trying to trace it through the mess. "Did you have a point or something?"

"Dr. Weir wanted to be sure everyone's been seen by the psych department." Heightmeyer caught her eye. "We can do this informally, here and now, or I can have Dr. Weir order you to come to my office."

"Oh? And when will we have time for that? Once we're at the Alpha site? Because it sure as hell won't be in the next twenty four hours. You know the timeline we're up against here." Erin paused, upset. "I mean, come on, we may not even be alive in twenty four hours. You want me to waste time we could both spend doing something more important?"

"It bothers you."

Erin glared at her. "I wouldn't be human if it didn't, and you already know they barely cleared me for this expedition."

Heightmeyer leaned back against another workbench. "I keep hoping you'll be willing to let me help."

Erin sighed and sat heavily in a chair in front of the workbench. "Look, I appreciate that you're trying to do your job here, but I don't want or need your help. I can handle this all by myself, Doc. I'm a big girl, and the only thing I'm actually concerned about is if we manage to survive this and can't get back in contact with Earth."

It wasn't entirely true but it was close enough for government work. She was worried about Peter and Rodney too, far from home and right under the nose of three oncoming Wraith Hiveships. Heightmeyer tilted her head, looking like a curious if slightly dim cocker spaniel. She'd never actually liked cockers. "And why is that?" Heightmeyer asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Because eventually we're gonna run out of psych meds and I don't want to think about what'll happen then." She rested her forehead in one hand. "Would you please leave me alone now and let me get back to work?"

Heightmeyer sighed and stood. "All right. But if you do feel a need to talk to someone, don't hesitate to come to me."

"Right, right," Erin muttered as Heightmeyer left. As though she'd ever go to another shrink for anything other than the antidepressants. She hated being on them, but hated the depression, the panic attacks and the paranoia far more. With a quiet groan, she hefted the tangled pile of cables onto the workbench before her and started carefully pulling at the knots.

***

Radek resisted the urge to pound his head on the desk.

"What now?" Melanie Simpson asked. She looked as harried as he felt. There were a dozen people at work on the virus coding and all of them were down to the last dregs of their energy.

"I am thinking that perhaps we will not finish in time," Radek said with a quiet sigh.

Sgt. Jones looked up from her keyboard. "We will, Radek." There were large, dark circles under her eyes. Tanya been called back from Rob Stackhouse's Alpha site selection team to help with the programming, as her skills were exemplary. "We don't have a choice."

Simpson nodded. "She's right. We can do this. Don't lose hope." She poured Radek more coffee. "Admittedly, we'd probably all be a little more frantic if McKay was here riding our tails, but we'd be at the same point in our progress." Several people snickered at that.

Radek rubbed the back of his neck. "Yes, yes. This is true. All the same, I worry. I do not think the self-destruct will be effective enough, and if this virus doesn't work..."

"We're shit out of luck anyway, if we have to blow the city," Kavanagh said. "Nothing in either galaxy is going to survive if the Wraith get their hands on this tech and figure out how to use it."

Simpson gave him a sour look. "What is it with you and your worst common denominator attitude, Kavanagh?"

He glowered back at her. "I'm a realist. This, apparently, is completely beyond most of you. The best we can hope for is keeping the Wraith out of our own galaxy."

"You have some way to see the future?" Radek asked. "Because if you do not, you should keep your opinion to yourself."

"Jahwol, mein Fuhrer," Kavanagh growled, flashing a Nazi salute. "You're almost as bad as McKay."

Radek got to his feet, flustered and furious but determined not to beat Kavanagh's head in. He poked one finger in Kavanagh's face. "You make me sick. Always you are insulting someone or telling people why they cannot do things. Always you are implying you are the only one here who knows what he is doing. You can never pass up a chance to snipe at Rodney, and now he is not even here to put you in your place."

"You are so the King Geek's lap dog," Kavanagh snapped. "If you weren't fucking that girly faggot Osbourne, I'd think you were sticking your tongue up Mc--"

Radek's fist connected before he was conscious of what he'd done. Three people had to pull him off Kavanagh, and in the midst of the shouting he felt just a twinge of self-righteous satisfaction. He was feeling more positive already.

***

Carson ran down the corridor with the medical team. He hadn't even finished treating Kavanagh's fractured cheekbone when Sheppard had called in an emergency. It had been a much longer night than he'd anticipated.

Tempers were short from lack of sleep, fear and anxiety, but he'd never thought Radek would actually stoop to hitting anyone. And now Bates had been found beaten nearly to death.

They arrived at the Generator Station breathless. He and Shel dropped to their knees next to Bates, clearing everyone else away. "What happened here?" Carson snapped as he did his initial evaluation.

"Nobody knows, Doc," Sheppard said. "But we're gonna find out."

Carson didn't ask any further questions. He and Shel worked fast, moving with one mind. It wasn't long before they had Bates up on a gurney and were running him back to the infirmary. Carson barked orders over his radio, telling the night staff to get Chandrapurna up and prepped for surgery. He hated waking Anand, and he'd probably get his arse reamed for not being abed himself yet, but the man was chief surgeon for a reason. Broken ribs, a fractured collarbone and a probable severe concussion with haematoma weren't anything Carson wanted to leave to lesser skills, including his own.

Once Bates was in surgery, Carson cleaned up and dropped into his office chair. One of the military medics had seen to Kavanagh and got him out of the infirmary before Carson had returned. He was just as happy not to have to deal with the man, who had been growling homophobic imprecations about Radek and generally making himself utterly unpleasant. Leaning back, he put his feet up on his desk. He wished he could sleep.

"I collected all the forensic evidence I could before we sent Bates in with Anand," Shel said from his doorway. "Ashane is cataloguing it now."

Carson sighed and nodded. "Thanks, Shel. You're a luv."

She came and sat on his desk, facing him. "I brought you some coffee." She handed him one of the mugs she held.

"I take it back. You're a goddess of mercy." He smiled at her. She grinned back, exhaustion in every line of her body. He sipped at the hot, black beverage. The bitterness suited his mood far too well. "Has there been any word from Rodney yet about the satellite that you've heard?"

Shel shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. You know Dr. Weir would let you know if something happened."

"I just worry," he said softly. "They've not been in contact for hours now."

"I suspect that means things are going well. You know McKay. The first sign of trouble and he'd be shouting about it." She gave him a wry smile.

"Aye, that he would," Carson admitted. "Not that we could send them any help," he shifted his weight, trying to get more comfortable, "what with them being a good fifteen hours away."

She patted his shoulder. "They'll be fine. You should try to sleep."

"I can't. Not with all this idiocy going on. We have to get started on the forensics once I've had enough of this to get my eyelids open proper."

"I know, I know. Consider it wishful thinking."

He shook his head. "I don't fault you for bein' concerned."

"You're my friend. How could I not be concerned?"

Sipping more of the coffee, he stood. "Right enough, then. Let's get back to work."

***

Geoff watched as Radek shook his head sadly. "What is it now?" he asked, handing his lover a plate with eggs and toast.

"Elizabeth," he said, rubbing one temple as he took the plate. "She wants to find a way to back up the Ancient database. There is no way I can deliver this for her."

"Not even with Rodney's compression?" He'd been under the impression it was a damned fine compression codex.

Radek snorted. "Even if improved upon, there would be less than nine percent of the data we could store. And that is if we use every hard drive, every flash memory stick, every iPod that each person has brought. If we did that, we would lose all types of necessary programming and information we brought with us from Earth. It is not acceptable."

Geoff handed Radek a fork. "Eat. You look starved."

"I am, but my stomach hurts." Radek sank into his chair at his workbench. The others were paying no attention to them, focusing on their work on the virus. "At least we now have an Alpha site to retreat to. This is better than half an hour ago."

Geoff nodded and rubbed Radek's shoulders. "Half of that upset stomach is probably from not eating. At least try a little of the toast before it gets cold."

The slope of Radek's shoulders spoke volumes as he took tired bites of the toast. He poked a corner of one piece into his egg yolk, popping it and letting it soak up the juices for a moment before he brought it to his mouth. He chewed slowly. "Some coffee would be nice," he said.

Geoff sighed. "It wasn't done brewing when I got through the line. I'm sorry. I'll see about getting you some in a bit. I still think you should sleep."

Radek shook his head. "No. There is no more time. Everything depends on us right now." He gestured to his team with the fork. "If we are to salvage anything, if we are to keep the Wraith from reaching Earth, this is what will save us. We cannot lose a moment."

"I'll get it for you," Simpson said. "My legs are gonna cramp if I don't get up and walk for a few minutes anyway."

"Yes, go," Radek said. "Cramps are not good. Bring back a whole pot, yes?" Simpson chuckled as she left, and a murmur of agreement passed around the room, interrupting the sound of fingers on keys.

"I heard that Rodney and Peter have the satellite's life support up," Geoff said. "They've got power to the weapons buffer, but they're not sure yet why the weapons themselves aren't powering up."

Radek pushed his glasses up his nose. "Probably some problem in the circuitry between power source and weapon. It's likely the satellite was hit during that last battle with the Ancients and lost power, otherwise I suspect it would have been destroyed like all the others. If they can find schematics, they can reroute."

Geoff nodded. "I hope it won't take too much time."

Radek looked at him. "I hope it will not be too dangerous."

"As long as they come home safe," Kusanagi said. She looked troubled. Geoff couldn't blame her. "Dr. McKay is so important to our mission."

"Everyone is important," Radek told her. "Even a zkurvysyn like Kavanagh."

"I heard you punched him out." Geoff kept rubbing Radek's shoulders.

"He deserved it," Tanya insisted. "You should have heard what he said. I'd just as soon have let Radek have him."

"Took three of us to pull him off the wanker," Jake Tyler added in a nasal Aussie accent.

Geoff grinned. "Radek! I didn't know you had it in you."

Radek sighed and dipped his toast in his egg again. "Please. Let us not celebrate the fact that I broke his bones. This is one less person to work on what may be our last defense."

Geoff's grin vanished. "Sorry. He just so deserves to have his face rearranged."

"I agree with Osbourne, mate," Tyler said. "Sure, one more set of hands, but really. What he said? I'd have knocked his teeth in myself if Zelenka hadn't got to him first. Woulda been a lot more fun to watch than separate 'em, but Bates is mean as cat's piss and I wouldn't want him on my arse."

Geoff nodded. "I don't even know what he said, but I don't think I care." He slipped his arms around Radek and hugged him gently. "I have to go. Gotta help with packing. Now that we actually have an Alpha site, we have to move fast. Every spare hand's at it."

Radek took his hand and looked up into his eyes. "If I do not see you before we evacuate," he said softly, below the hearing of the others, "I love you."

Geoff's eyes stung.

***

"This can't be right," Carson said, looking at the report. His heart was pounding and he turned his eyes to Shel. "We need to do the analysis again on a different sample."

Shel nodded. She looked as upset and confused as he felt. "How could this be true?"

"It can't," Carson insisted. "I've no idea how this could be right." He pulled another slide from the sample selection. "We'll work on this one."

"Right away," Shel said. She took the slide and hurried off. Carson leaned on the desk, staring at the report before he went to join her. A Wraith in Atlantis? How was it even possible?

***

Rodney took a deep breath as he put the EVA suit back on. Dead. He was so dead. He'd puncture the damned thing on a sharp pointy bit of the satellite or he'd bounce wrong and go floating off into space, never to be heard from again. All he needed was HAL and some pod bay doors.

"I'm gonna run out of air," he muttered to himself. "My back is gonna spasm and I won't be able to hang onto the hull." He shuddered as nine million ways of dying in hard vacuum flashed before his eyes.

"You'll be fine, Rodney." Peter's voice was quiet over the radio. "Just try not to hyperventilate. We don't have another of those things, so it's not like we can send Miller out to get you."

"Thank you, Peter," Rodney growled. "I had no idea we were without a second EVA suit." He huffed as he tugged a zipper up. "Your expertise with the blindingly obvious continues to stun me."

"Just trying to help." He could hear Peter chuckling. "It's a good thing you drew the short straw."

"Oh? And why is that?"

"I don't think either Miller or I are enamoured of the idea of marinating in your sweat." Miller and Peter both laughed.

"Lovely," Rodney muttered. "Maybe some of my brilliance would rub off on you if you did."

"That's a thought I just don't need to be having, Sir," Miller said. He could hear Peter making a slight gagging sound in the background.

Rodney sat for a moment, trying to compose himself. Dead, dead, dead. He was going to die here; he just knew it. Some deep space explorer would find his desiccated corpse a billion years from now. He wondered if they'd bother retrieving him. "Are we there yet, Miller?"

"I haven't launched yet," Miller said. "Did you remember to use the john before you left?"

"Oh, very funny, Lieutenant. Very funny." Great, now he had to piss. "Let me get out of this suit." Rodney heard Peter and Miller snicker. "Your maturity astounds me, gentlemen."

"Get on with it, Rodney," Peter said. "We've not much time left."

"Tell me something I don't know," he snarled. He started unzipping the suit.

***

Miko tapped him on the shoulder. "Dr. Zelenka."

He nodded, trying to keep his eyes open. More coffee hadn't helped much, but at least his eyes focused. "Yes, Miko?"

"I think we have it." She looked at him expectantly, her brown eyes owlish behind her round lenses.

This perked him up. "Yes? Finally?" Miko nodded, and when Radek looked around the room, the others nodded as well. "Oh, this is good. Very good. Vynikajici."

"How do we test it?" Melanie Simpson asked. "It's not like we can just drop it into the database and see how it works."

"Simulation," Tanya offered. Jake Tyler nodded in agreement.

"All right then," Radek told them. "You set up this simulation. I'll go let Dr. Weir know we have finished work on the virus. She will be most pleased, I'm sure." He sighed, his heart sinking. This had never been what he wanted. The database was unsalvageable and there was nothing he could do about it. Turning for the door, he prayed silently that Rodney and Peter would get the weapons satellite working and eliminate the need for his team's efforts.

***

Peter worked silently, monitoring the approach of the three Hiveships. He had about five minutes for tweaking things in their already makeshift rig while the power to the weapons systems was still down before he had to arm and fire at the enemy. There would be no second chance, just as there'd been no chance to reroute the power and get him out of there before the Wraith arrived.

Much as he hated to admit it, this was a better plan. The last thing they needed was for the Wraith to blow the satellite out of space before the Atlanteans had a chance to strike. He hoped he could take at least one of the massive ships with him.

When Rodney had drawn the short straw, he'd been concerned. Much as the man grated on him, he was a friend, and he was essential to Atlantis. Losing him wasn't an option if the expedition was going to survive yet he persisted in idiotically high-risk behavior. Expeditions through the Gate. EVA's. Getting captured by the Genii and stunned by Wraith and exposed to nanoviruses and walking into energy sucking black clouds and god alone knew what else. The man didn't even have to leave Atlantis to get himself in trouble.

He shook his head and sighed. At least, Peter thought, Rodney wasn't the one with the bad luck to be sitting here now, waiting for explosive decompression, or just explosions, whichever came first.

He couldn't help thinking of Geoff and Radek for a moment, feeling regret more than anything else. Perhaps this would buy them some time; time enough to salvage what they could. That would be worth it, if they lived through this mess.

He hoped the end would be quick.

***

Peter was dead. Elizabeth finished her speech to Atlantis as Radek sat, stunned into agonized silence. "Dr. Zelenka, put the virus program on standby."

Radek nodded and typed, readying their last resort. Peter was dead. His eyes were barely focusing and it would be fifteen hours before he would see Rodney again. Every moment of those fifteen hours would be frantic with movement and overwhelmed with worry and fear. He had to keep moving.

And Peter was dead.

He looked up from his keyboard. "It is done. M-may I have a few moments?" he asked her softly as the control room buzzed around him.

She looked at him. "I'm sorry," Elizabeth said. "I know you were friends. Yes, take a little time, but we need you back here soon."

Friends. She had no idea. He nodded and rose. He had to tell Geoff.

It took Radek fifteen minutes to find his lover. "What happened?" Geoff asked as Radek strode into the geology lab. Half a dozen people were lugging crates out into the hallway. When he caught Geoff's eyes, Geoff paled. "Are they all right?"

"Peter is dead," Radek told him. Geoff stood silent, in shock. "I'm sorry," Radek whispered. "So sorry, Milacku." His voice broke as he tried to keep the tears inside and Geoff just kept staring at him blankly. "Chtel bych to zmenit. Pral bych si, aby to tak nebylo."

He reached out and put a hand on Radek's shoulder. "Dead," Geoff whispered. Radek nodded. Geoff swallowed and tried to find his voice. "Rodney? Miller?"

"They are all right, so far. They still must come back home. We do not know yet what the Wraith will do. Their advance has stopped for the moment. I don't think they will wait long."

Geoff took a deep breath. "I can't deal with this right now." He squeezed Radek's shoulder hard. There would be a bruise later.

"I know," Radek said. "Nor I. I will see you at Alpha site." He took Geoff's hand and kissed the back of it. "Be safe. Do not hesitate when you must leave."

"Come as soon as you can," Geoff said softly. "Don't stay until the Wraith arrive."

Radek looked at the floor. "I must stay until I know the virus works and the self destruct is armed. I will come as soon after that as I am able."

"I can't lose you too." The pain in Geoff's eyes was bright and sharp. Radek was still numb.

"You will not," Radek said. "I swear this." Their eyes locked for a moment before Radek turned to go back to his work.

***

Rodney slumped in the co-pilot's chair, his eyes wide with shock. He was sure he was about to have a heart seizure. Surely it couldn't be beating so fast unless something was wrong. "My god," he whispered again.

Miller sat staring too, pale as a ghost reflected in the forward screen. "We have to get home," he said.

Rodney nodded, not taking his eyes off the empty space that used to hold a satellite. That used to hold Peter Grodin. Peter, who had gone out in a blaze of glory, trying to save their asses.

Except it wasn't glorious. Rodney hated it and his gut clenched with anger and horror and grief. "I never want to see this fucking miserable set of coordinates again," he muttered. He'd lost too much here. Gall and Abrams and now Peter -- Peter who'd been getting to be too much of a friend lately, who'd started getting through Rodney's walls just like Radek and Geoff and Erin had.

"Can't blame you," Miller said. "Me either." The Jumper pivoted and leapt for Atlantis at top speed.

They were silent for over an hour before either of them spoke again. Rodney's eyes ached with tears he couldn't shed. How was he going to face Geoff and Radek when he got home? He was supposed to save the day, supposed to bring Peter home safe with him. There should have been Wraith dust scattered around an intact satellite, not Peter's atoms strewn in empty space.

"I'm sorry," Miller finally said.

"Not your fault," Rodney told him, looking at him for the first time since the blast.

"I know, but that's not... I mean, I meant that, but something different too."

Rodney tilted his head. "What? English would be good."

"You make things like this hard sometimes, Sir."

Rodney shrugged. "Sorry. Not exactly at my best right now." It took effort to keep the grief from his voice.

"I know. What I meant was, I'm sorry for some of the things I've thought and said about you and guys like you." Miller looked at him, embarrassed.

"What do you mean by that?" Rodney looked at him suspiciously, wondering if Miller was going to be having some kind of emotional catharsis all over him. He really didn't need that. He had enough of his own crap right now. Dead friends again. He really, really hated that.

Miller looked uncomfortable. "Before... before what happened to Dr. Z, I was one of those guys who didn't like... well, guys like you. Guys like him." Rodney just stared. He wasn't sure he wanted to make this easier. Miller took a deep breath. "Since we got to Atlantis, though, since I've had a chance to see you guys doing what you do..."

"You got a point, Miller, or are you just looking for an excuse to air your misguided homophobia?"

"I was wrong about you. About Grodin and Doc Beckett and Zelenka and all of you guys. And I'm sorry I thought that way. I'm sorry I said shitty things about you guys." Miller sighed, and Rodney could see the grief in his eyes. "None of you deserve the shit you've been through. And Grodin sure as hell didn't deserve to die, not like that."

Rodney shifted uncomfortably. "It could have been any of us -- you or me there instead of Peter."

Miller nodded. "I know. And he did exactly what he was supposed to, exactly what he had to, just like any of the military guys would have."

"I think it was that British stiff upper lip thing," Rodney whispered, his heart not really in it. He missed the man already, miserably. Geoff would kill him for letting Peter die.

"No." Miller shook his head. "Bren Henderson, she set me straight about it all after what happened to Dr. Z. I said something stupid and she took me by the infirmary. I was watching Osbourne with him, after they let Zelenka out of ICU. It was... it was like dad when he was watching mom, waiting for her to die after the car wreck."

Rodney couldn't bring himself to say anything. He just watched Miller, still too numb from seeing Peter die in front of him to really comprehend what was happening. Miller sighed and tightened his grip on the joysticks that controlled the Jumper, looking out along their course home.

"I didn't know it was like that for you guys," Miller continued after a moment. "I've never been easy around it but I think at least I get it, and all I can really say is I'm sorry. Osbourne and Zelenka, they're gonna be in bad shape when we get back, and I wish I could change it for them. I wish there was some way we could have gotten Grodin out of there."

"So do I," Rodney said quietly. "You have no idea how much."

"I'm sorry you've lost so many people, Doc. That's supposed to be what happens to us; we're supposed to be here to protect you and we're doing a lousy job."

Rodney shook his head. "No. Much as the military mindset annoys the crap out of me for myriad obvious reasons, you guys are doing your best. Sometimes, there's just nothing anyone can do."

"I'm just... I'm sorry, okay?"

Rodney nodded. "Yeah. Okay."

They both went back to watching the stars.

***

Carson sat with his face in his hands. Wen Lin Yao and Fran Lopez had come to tell him about Peter, just before they evacuated to the Alpha site. They said Peri Turner, the other member of the Lesbian Puppy Pile, had already gone with the first of the Athosians. His own people were all scrambling with last minute packing and prepping Sgt. Bates for evacuation, but Carson found he couldn't move.

When Erin came hurrying in, still limping, he looked up. "What happened?" she asked. "I've been ferrying Athosians from the mainland. When I got back somebody said the Wraith had gotten through." She stopped for a moment and looked at him. "Carson? Is Rodney okay?"

"Peter's dead," he told her, his voice breaking.

"Oh my gods." She leaned one hand against the wall for a moment before she started slipping to the floor. "Peter. Oh my gods."

He bolted to his feet and held her up. "Rodney, he's fine as yet, but..." She put her arms around him and wept. Erin's tears finally cracked Carson's composure and he wept silently with her, both of them holding each other tightly, trembling.

"Peter," she whispered again. "No. Oh, god, what's Geoff going to do? Does he know?"

"I don't know, a charaid," Carson told her, sniffling, tears streaming down his face. "He's already at the Alpha site, but I assume Radek told him. He was in the control room when it happened."

"When will... when will Rodney be home?"

"About twelve hours," Carson said. "A Dhia, and the Wraith are still out there. I hope he gets home safe."

Erin nodded into his shoulder, her tears soaking through his lab coat and shirt. "So do I." Her voice was rough with misery and thick with her tears. His own wasn't far behind.

"We... we have to pull ourselves together," he said.

She sniffed and nodded again. "I know, I know. Four more trips to the mainland ferrying Athosians," she said. "A-about six more hours, including load up time." She took a deep breath, but lost it again, sobbing now. "I hate this," she said. "I hate all of it. When do we get a fucking break?"

Carson pulled some tissue out of his desk drawer and leaned them both back against his desk. He handed her one and blew his nose. She echoed him, still struggling for composure. "We don't," he said. "At best, we may get some breathing room once we're away from here. But at least the Wraith haven't started moving toward us again yet."

"Did... did they manage to do anything?" she asked, one hand clenched in his lab coat.

"They got one of the Hiveships," Carson said.

She sniffled again, wiping her eyes. "Then at least it wasn't for nothing," she whispered. "Gods, I'm going to miss him."

"So am I." Carson held her close. "So am I."

~~pau~~

Czech in the story:

Milacku - beloved

Zkurvysyn - son of a bitch

Vynikajici - excellent

Chtel bych to zmenit. Pral bych si, aby to tak nebylo. - I wish I could change this. I wish it were not so.

Gaelic in the story:

A Dhia - Oh God