Disclaimer: Smallville is the property of the WB and the CW. Superman is the property of DC comics and Paramount. No maliciousness intended.


Clark waved at his friends as the bus pulled away leaving him at his house. With a shrug, he pulled his backpack on a bit better and started to head inside. When he got inside it was to find his mother and father looking concerned.

He let his bag slip to the floor, just inside the door. “Mom? Dad? What’s wrong?”

Jonathan Kent sighed deeply looking between his wife and son. “It looks like another mutant is in the area son.”

“Oh great. What now?” Clark ran his mind over the myriad of meteor-mutants he’d experienced. They’d been thinning out and he had started to hope that maybe they’d seen the last of them. “Is it anyone we know?”

Martha shook her head. “All we know for sure is that it eats anything purple. Anything else makes it sick.”

Clark almost smiled. “That doesn’t seem so bad.”

“CLARK!” Martha yelled.

“I don’t think I care for your attitude in this matter son. This can be very serious for the community….”

Clark turned his hearing down and watched his father’s lips move as he droned on about all the hazards of having a purple-eating-something in Smallville. His mother’s kick to the shin was enough to nudge him out of it, though it left her with a scowl on her face and rubbing her foot.

“Sorry. It’s been a long day. I guess you want me to go out and find it?” Clark wished that mutants would take a day off.

Jonathan made a face of disapproval in his direction. “You can start with Mr. Roberts. He thinks he saw bright lights over his farm before this started.”

That got Clarks’ attention. “You think this is an alien?”

“We don’t know for sure honey,” Martha put a hand over her son’s hand, patting it encouragingly. “But you should probably check it out right?”

“Okay, but I still don’t see the danger. It’s not like we are the wine capital of Kansas or prunes for that matter,” Clark grumbled under his breath, once more grateful he was the one the super-hearing.

“What was that son?” Clark turned even as he got up to see the serious glare he was getting from his father.

“Nothing dad, I’ll go do my chores and then go look for this thing,” Clark offered before turning.

“Son, I’ll take care of your chores. You need to take care of this before people get scared. It ate Mr. Miller’s car today.” Jonathan said in all seriousness. Clark tried not to smile with joy as he thought of the purple monstrosity that Mr. Miller drove. But the look in his dad’s eyes drove it away. With a nod, he turned and left.

He headed to the Roberts place over at the other side of town. Mr. Roberts was a bit old, so it was hard to understand him. But from what Clark could make out, Mr. Roberts saw lights and then heard horns. Thinking it was the end of the world; he dropped to his knees and began to pray. When he got up in the morning, he was in pain from being on his knees most of the night and his prize winning eggplants were all gone.

Clark tried to be sympathetic, but he felt the same way about eggplants as he did about neon-purple cars. The horn was an interesting mystery. If a mutant was about to attack and eat anything purple why would it blow a horn to announce its presence? Was it a car horn? Had another car been eaten before Mr. Millers? And how big was this thing anyway? It could eat metal and vegetables. Was there anything it didn’t eat?

He started to look for tracks but didn’t find any. Using his x-ray vision he did spot a bit of purple fur on the ground and wondered if there was a connection. Despite the fact that Lex was probably busy at this time of day, Clark felt that going to the very clever man was his best bet. Lex seemed to always know the answer to everything or at the very least give some advice.

Clark headed to the castle and was surprised to find Lana there. He entered the office where he and Lex had played so many games of pool to find them chatting on the couch. “Is this a bad time?” Clark asked looking at the papers lying before them.

Lex smiled at him with relief, although Lana looked at him with disdain. She was clearly about to say it was a bad time but Lex was faster. Rising to his feet he said, “No, perfect timing Clark.”

Clark frowned, noticing something was a bit off about Lex. Then it hit him. Lex was wearing a light blue shirt, “Great shirt.”

Lana cleared his throat. “Do you like the sweater Lex got me?”

Clark had to tear away his eyes from the look Lex was giving him. It was dark and made Clark’s insides warm. Lana cleared her throat again to remind him that he was to look at her.

He looked over at her, smiled and looked back to Lex who now looked amused. What had that look been before? Lana cleared her throat again. He wanted to yell. She was SO annoying. Clark once again thanked his lucky stars things didn’t work out between them. He looked back. “It’s nice.”

Lana’s face went dark. She picked up her papers and threw her hair over one shoulder. “I’ll see you later Lex, when you have more time to discuss important matters.” Her high-heels click-clacked down the hall as she made her dramatic exit.

Lex sighed with relief. “You are a life saver Clark …quot; again. Why did you ever think that she was the one for you? She’s definitely not for me or anyone, although she certainly seems to ingratiate herself into my life at every chance.”

“Then why did you buy her a present?” Clark asked in confusion.

“I had my reasons,” Lex smirked.

“Such as?” Clark had a feeling he was missing something…something important. But what?

“Consider it a parting gift. Can we perhaps talk about us instead?” Lex took a step closer and Clark noticed the look from before was back. It was almost like they were having sex without taking their clothes off.

“Lex?” Clark gulped as Lex closed the gap between them with a possessive kiss. Giving into it Clark felt wonderful and swore he could hear a horn blaring.

He gasped pulling away, his eyes going wide. “Oh my god a horn! Lana’s sweater was purple!” Clark ran from the room.

“No Clark! Wait! Don’t!” Lex called after him and gave chase.

Clark stopped outside the castle to stunned to move at the sight that met him. “No way. No way!”

“Clark!” Lex was breathing hard next to him.

Their eyes met before they turned back to the vision in front of them. It was a one-eyed, one horned, flying…and evidently the purple eating machine also ate people. The mutant monster was currently eating Lana Lang whole! It belched so loudly the ground shook. After all it was a story tall at least.

It flew up in the air then came down from the sky, with the one long horn and one big eye. Then it swung in a tree before coming back to the ground and it started to dance all around. It wore short shorts and sang “ooh-eee”, before it made the most wretched face for all to see.

“It sure looks strange to me,” Clark said.

The creature whimpered and up came Lana - dead.

“I guess she gave it indigestion,” Lex said in awe. “She really isn’t good for anything.”

“Lex, why do I think you had something to do with this?” Clark started to approach the still wide-eyed body of his next door neighbor, but the smell of regurgitated cotton candy kept him at bay.

“What makes you say that?” Lex asked, carefully not meeting his eyes watching the creature fly off.

“Lex! It’s PURPLE! And you gave her a purple sweater and said it was a parting gift!” Clark wondered if this is what it was like to be in shock.

Lex smirked. “Isn’t life in Smallville grand?”