Daniel stared at the blank page. It stared back. Daniel groaned. Everyday was another battle with himself. To tell or not to tell that was the question. He could not handle looking back at himself in the mirror. Daniel rubbed his face.

He was starting to wish he were someone else. Maybe if he changed everything about himself Jack would finally notice him. He’d even gone to Janet to get a prescription just so he could sleep. He balled up the blank paper and threw it on the floor with the hundred of other paper wads.

Daniel knew he was becoming a hazard to himself. He was his own worst enemy. It was all so irritating. To make matters worse as if distancing himself Jack had stopped talking to him as if he didn’t want to be friends anymore.

He got up, slammed open the door and headed for the gym. Maybe it was time to get professional help. It probably wouldn’t help.

Trying to get away from the self-imposed demons he ran as fast as he could to the gym. Teal’c only raised an eyebrow as Daniel tossed off his over shirt and ran full out on the treadmill. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine he was running away from it all to the middle of nowhere. Daniel felt like he could go for miles. As he began to sweat he tore off his shirt and pumped up the speed. He felt the endorphins kick in as he continued to run and pretend he could get away from the insanity that was his life.

The missions used to mean something. Now there was no longer a connection like there was when Jack went on the missions. There was just the three of them and damnit he missed Jack being there. Teal’c came over and began to run on the treadmill next to him. Daniel looked at him with a smile.

It seemed as though Teal’c could sense his moods the way Jack used to at one time. Teal’c was always there to talk to and he knew that but it wasn’t him he needed to talk to, it was Jack. But there was no way he could face him. Carter whistled as she walked by and Daniel grimaced. He knew he was no longer the puny guy he used to be but had it won him Jack’s respect? No?

Maybe the only way to have Jack notice you was to have the right parts. Daniel felt ill as he felt the anger toward Carter raise his hackles again. All she would have to do is say the word and the General would be on her leash. At least she was involved with Pete and was off the market. Filled with self-disgust Daniel jumped off the treadmill.

He lay down on the cool weight bench and began to pump weights. But the thoughts just went round and round in his head. Why was everyone attracted to him but the only one he wanted? Jack was the only one he ever needed, wanted and craved. Daniel put down the weights with a loud clang. Seeing the need in his eyes Teal’c tossed him the boxing gloves. Daniel nodded and put them on.

The red rage of self-hatred filled him and as he’d done for weeks he poured it into his workout. At least this gave him an outlet. The anger of years poured out into hands of lightning fast speed and the strength born of rage. If he were a weaker man he’d cry, he’d wish he’d jumped off that balcony. He didn’t want to go back to that place but he didn’t want to be in love with Jack O’Neill. His blue eyes turned dark with adrenalin born of anger, rage, desire, hatred and frustration.

Teal’c pulled his punches as he always did with the Ta’uri but Daniel Jackson was hitting harder every time they did this. He wondered why Daniel seemed angrier at every passing day. His anger had turned his body into one of a warrior.

The Jaffa didn’t understand why Daniel was not proud of his new muscular frame. Instead he continued to pound his own body with these workouts day after day. There was a pain on his face and in his eyes that made Teal’c want to find out the cause and kill it.

Daniel Jackson was his best friend. It tore at him to see him in such misery. There was a time when the scholar said every thought that crossed his mind. But then he withdrew inside. Teal’c had seen stronger men then Daniel crushed by their own anger.

He had vowed to keep an eye on his friend. But the longer they boxed the more his concern grew. Daniel seemed to be in a blind rage, uncontrollable fury filled every punch. It was all Teal’c could do not to get hurt. He was once again grateful for his symbiote that would heal him from today’s injuries.

Perhaps Daniel was at his breaking point. Teal’c tried to study his opponent as he dodged another blow. Daniel had bags under his eyes; he looked thinner and sadder than when Sha’uri died. Teal’c winced as Daniel connected with an uppercut.

Teal’c wondered when Daniel had changed. Was it after his wife died? Or was it after he descended? Was it after Jack O’Neill left the team? Teal’c frowned as he saw the pain on Daniel’s face. Daniel stopped suddenly and tore off the gloves with his teeth cast them aside, grabbed his shirt and t-shirt then ran out the door.

Searching back through all of his memories Teal’c realized there were cracks in the walls of Daniel’s self-imposed shield. He cursed himself for not seeing it before. Years of living with the Ta’uri had changed many of his viewpoints.

It was normal for Jaffa to have many male lovers but only one female lover. No ordinary woman could be expected to keep up with the sex drive of a Jaffa. Daniel had not had any lover for a long time. The look in his eyes also spoke of frustration, born of years of desire and pain.

Teal’c wondered if he should interfere. He could tell Daniel that he knew and give him a chance to talk about it. Or should he seek out the object of Daniel’s affections and tell him? Perhaps it was this confusion of what to do that was making the scholar so close to the edge. Daniel Jackson was always one to hold a great deal of worth in what was right and what was wrong.

Daniel’s own society would disagree with his choice of whom he loved. The military even further disagreed with male pairings. Part of him wondered if it was not for the best. Jack O’Neill had hurt Daniel Jackson many, many times.

Teal’c turned toward the weighted gym bag in the corner as he thought of his anger at the injustice of the situation. With a blow of blind rage he knocked the bag into the wall and it exploded. Teal’c frowned. Why did the Ta’uri not make stronger equipment? He sighed knowing another bag was about to be deducted from his pay.
Sam had seen Daniel working out and wondered what he was upset about. Was it something new or the same old thing? Why didn’t the General at least cut Daniel loose if he wasn’t interested?

Sure the General played dumb but even he had to see that Daniel was madly in love with him. Maybe that was why the Colonel had taken the General position. She supposed she should be upset that Daniel had never taken an interest in her but she wasn’t.

It was upsetting to see the looks of pure anger that Daniel gave her now. She knew why though. If Daniel had been a woman Jack would have noticed the blatant love shinning from his eyes.

She watched from the corner of the gym as Teal’c barely dodged Daniel’s fists of fury. Even she could see Daniel was in a blind rage one that Teal’c was hard put to dodge. There was no anticipating where the next blow would be. Sam winced as she saw Daniel’s fist connect hard to the Jaffa’s cheek.

Now that she was in charge of the SG1 team she was starting to have doubts that Daniel was still fit for field duty. Maybe she should suggest counseling. But Daniel would probably see it as a personal insult and leave the team hurt and angry. He was a hazard to himself and shouldn’t be left alone.

Janet had already expressed concern that he had come to her for sleeping pills. Sam was grateful beyond words that she had only given him ten at a time. She would never forget when the General had told her about Daniel being out on that ledge preparing to end his life. Even more frightening was that Daniel seemed more on the edge then he had been back then.

The whole situation was so irritating. Why hadn’t the General said something to Daniel? Hell, it would be better to string him along then let him drown in his own despair. Even the To’kra had expressed concern that the archaeologist seemed bitter, angry and changed.

The last time Daniel had to kill someone Samantha was horrified to turn and see not the tears at his eyes as usual but a smile. It had given her chills. Suddenly Daniel left the room and Sam followed him as covertly as possible. It was made more difficult by the fact Daniel was running through the halls.

With increasing anxiety she saw he was headed for the target range. Would Daniel go postal? Was he going to crack and try to blow his brains out. “Oh god!” she yelled and ran just as fast as she could to keep up with him. But Daniel had a head start on her and his legs were much longer.

By the time she reached the range she couldn’t find him. Gasping she asked the nearest airman. Pointing out the direction Sam could only nod and ignoring the stitch in her side ran like hell fearing for her friend’s life. She could feel herself losing all pretenses at calm as a fear gripped her very soul. Daniel the innocent one of the team. Daniel who had been through so much, he couldn’t die like this could he? Tears coursed down her cheeks as she zigzagged through the myriad of today’s shooters. Hell, where was he?
General Jack O’Neill was putting the last strokes to his resignation. Enough was enough. He walked down to Daniel’s office to tell him once and for all how he felt. He wasn’t sure when it had started.

Over the years he’d been aggravated, admiring, furious, respecting and through it all deeply in love with the once innocent younger man. He smiled looking around the door to Daniel’s office only to find it empty, except for crumpled wads of paper all over the office.

Curious he risked his knees by bending over to pick a few up. Some were blank but others had a few lines scribbled on them.

I’m sorry I should have told you that I love you.

You probably don’t want to know this but I love you.

By the time you read this I’ll be gone so you don’t have to worry. But I love you.

Jack felt fear make the hair on the back of his neck rise. He ran over to the gym to find Teal’c looking exhausted but no sign of Daniel. He went to check Carter’s office but Daniel wasn’t there either. Maybe Daniel had gone home. He made a call to security to find that Daniel hadn’t left. Jack made sure the guards didn’t let him go at his orders.

He needed to think. Surely Daniel wouldn’t do anything stupid on base. Jack walked automatically toward the target range. As he arrived he was surprised to catch a glimpse of Carter running full out toward the other end of the range. He felt the panic fill his gut. Was he too late? Jack yelled out and everyone dropped to the ground making catching up to Carter easy. She gasped holding on to her side and nodding in understanding Jack ran on to the last set of private booths.

They seemed empty until he got to the last one where Daniel was shooting the target paper into confetti. Blue eyes full of pain and surprise turned toward him. "Jack?"
The General looked into the blue eyes seeing the total complete love in them and broke.
Jack grabbed the back of Daniel’s neck and pulled him into a kiss. He felt a choked sob escape Daniel before he felt the man’s arms pull him closer. Years of misery, pain and loneliness ended for both of them with one passionate kiss that spoke of volumes of love to explore.

Sam smiled as she entered the private room and carefully took the gun from Daniel’s hand thereby freeing it to wrap in the General’s silver hair. She pulled down the shade on the door, before locking it on the way out. Smiling from ear to ear she ordered everyone to resume their actions telling them the situation was resolved.

"Doctor Daniel Jackson I love you. I’ve tendered my resignation and want nothing more than to be with you for the rest of my life. Will you come with me?" Jack asked with confidence. "I love you Jack O’Neill, so damned much. Yes, a thousand times, yes," Daniel replied happily pulling Jack back for another kiss to sign the deal.
Fin