Merlin comes to grips with feelings for Arthur watching Lancelot ride away, by writing it all down.
Categories: Merlin
Characters: None
Genres: Angst, Fantasy
Warnings: Fluff
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 1
Word count: 851 -
Hits: 1953
Complete?: Yes -
Published: 22/09/09 -
Last Updated: 22/09/09
Story Notes:
This is from Merlin's POV.
Author's Notes:
Spoilers for the first five episodes of Season one Beta: Nefernat (also getting pimp credit for getting me
It was as I watched Lancelot riding away from Camelot that I realized I might be asking too much of Arthur. I had saved his life by laying down my own as he had for me. Our actions spoke much louder than words could ever dare. Not in this climate or time certainly, perhaps one day when Arthur is King he will be able to do as he wishes.
I find it hard enough to hide my magic. It’s in every fiber of my being. As I said before to Gaius, life would not be worth living. Somewhere along the line Arthur became part of that equation. If I ever failed him in any way, I could not go on. I could not watch him ride away as Lancelot is now.
When I realized that beneath the bratty, royal exterior lay such a tender, true and steadfast heart it surprised me greatly. Now it is my breath. Perhaps it’s because our destinies are so entwined that we cannot exist without the other? Gaius has been kind in permitting me to speak endlessly, first of Arthur’s annoying tasks, then how the moon and sun set by him. His look warns me to keep my words to myself. So I write it down in this way, so if nothing shall ever occur and I live only as his friend, I can remember when it was more…
“Merlin, how do you feel towards me?” He asked with his back turned to me. I froze in the middle of my morning chore of collecting his clothing to be mended and washed. I felt my heart freeze in my chest. Did I dare speak the truth? “I swear to you Merlin on my very soul that what you say will remain ever between us and no harm shall come to you as result. Now tell me Merlin. God help me if you don’t, for I may be forced to.”
I gulped. My knees were shaking. I decided to circumvent. “I would lay down my life for you.”
I didn’t realize I was staring at the stones in the floor until I dimly heard his approach before feeling his finger tuck under my chin. He lifted it gently, belying his great strength, forcing me to look at him directly. “And your heart?”
My breath stopped yet my mouth didn’t. “Is yours,” I said on barely any air at all.
Brilliant relief filled Arthur’s face; truly it was as if the morning sun had shone down making him as happy, carefree and innocent as a child.
Then came the knock on the door, his father King Uther was summoning him. His eyes met mine only briefly and it hurt beyond all to see that shining happiness ruthlessly cast aside for duty.
Now Lancelot knows of my gifts. Gwen, I think suspects. That girl is far too smart for her own good. Lady Morgana told me of the light that guided Arthur from the cave. It was then I recalled the talk I had with him afterwards, while I lay still weak on my pallet. He had shown a dangerous amount of sentiment for me by coming to visit me and I told him so once Gauis was out of ear shot. It gives me hope now that perhaps Arthur is as willing as I to risk all.
“You shouldn’t be here and you know it. And here you’re the one always yelling at me for doing ““
“Shut up Merlin,” Arthur smiled at me, despite the harsh rebuke and I felt my heart come alive at it.
I smiled back, stupidly, I’m sure. “Does your father know you’re here? People will talk.”
“No, and if they do I’ll have them put in the stocks for slandering my good name. I hear the stocks are rather empty these days. But I should have you put in them for risking your life for mine “ yet again.”
I smiled and shrugged. Truthfully, I was quite tired; despite enjoying our small moment together and the fact that he came to see me. Arthur looked at me kindly and looking toward Gaius to discern his location. His hand slid under my rough blanket, he gave my hand a quick squeeze before letting go. His hand was course and rough from swordplay and yet gentle and caring, like him. I shall never forget it.
It was then Gaius returned and Arthur’s own shield came down once more. Although, as brief as the meeting was. I can only hope for more. Hope is all we have, Arthur and I, but we are together and God willing we always will be.
With Lancelot’s leaving, Arthur will miss him greatly. I understand that it was the kinship of knights that drew them together, whether Lancelot is one or not - officially. I expect come dawn, I’ll have a great deal to do. Arthur is bound to be in a bad mood.
With hope and a large smile on my weary face,
Merlin Emrys
End Notes:
This is my first foray into this fandom, if you like it and want to see more of this please let me know!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.