Intense

'"passionate in emotion, thought, or activity; occurring or existing in a
high degree; very strong, violent, extreme, sharp, vivid, etc.'"

Disclaimer: I don'TMt own House, M.D. No copyright infringement intended.

Chapter 1: Envy

Chase walked into the Princeton Plains-Borough Teaching Hospital at
exactly 6:30 in the morning, for once not quite late or even feeling
hurried. In fact, he was wide awake, another oddity, since he generally
wasn'TMt at his best in the mornings. Foreman was already there, but House
and Cameron were missing. Odd, since House almost always beat them here.
Sometimes Foreman even joked that House probably slept here, which
couldn'TMt be that far off the mark.

They walked in together not more than five minutes later, though, and the
atmosphere in the room changed entirely. Nothing had really changed over
one night, but it was immediately apparent that something had changed. He
simply sensed it in some imperceptible way, and a quick glance at Foreman
told him that he was the only one. It wasn'TMt the familiar picture of
House and the three young doctors that made up his team, anymore. It was a
neurologist, an intensivist, and House and his girlfriend.

Last night House and Cameron had gone out on a formal date to some classy
and overly expensive Italian restaurant. That in itself wasn'TMt so
surprising, despite the fact that a month ago neither Chase or Foreman
could have come close to imagining the two dating. House and Cameron had
been together for almost two weeks now, and this was probably their third
or fourth date, according to the rumor mill, at least. The only thing that
made this one different was that it was just so obvious that they'TMd
shared more than just dinner that night.

It was in the way that Cameron absentmindedly adjusted House'TMs collar.
Like a wife or something, Chase thought uncharitably. They might as well
have been wearing a sign, '~recently fucked and happy about it'TM or
something. It was in the way that she had a bright, happy glow around her,
like she was announcing it to the world. Or the casual way House brushed
by her, when he ordinarily went to such great lengths to go around anyone
just so that he didn'TMt make contact with them.

The potential in the room for an awkward silence was amazing. Foreman
exchanged a meaningful look with Chase, clearly finding the whole deal
funny, and then was a little surprised at the icy glare he got back in
return. Chase stood up and grabbed a patient'TMs clipboard, preparing to
leave the room, but he was stopped at the door by Cuddy.

'oeNew case came in,' she informed them, handing over a clipboard to
House. 'oeThe patients are as sick as dogs and there are two more coming
in with the exact same symptoms.'

It was enough for them all to pretend that everything was completely
normal, but Chase noticed how Cameron gave House a special smile, as if to
say, see, it wasn'TMt so bad. Not sure whether to be more annoyed with the
couple or with himself, he deliberately turned away to Foreman and
listened to his fellow doctor debrief them on the patient'TMs condition.
He wasn'TMt the kind of guy to mope after some girl that was with someone
else. Even if everything in him was crying out that Cameron didn'TMt
belong to House, either.

House called for a differential diagnosis, and his elite team, aka the
'~ducklings,'TM responded the way they were supposed to. Chase was
momentarily chagrined to find that he'TMd used that term, even in his
thoughts, but Wilson was rubbing off on him. They tossed around ideas,
names of diseases, little facts that seemed irrelevant but could have an
impact in some way. The usual competition to find the right treatment
preoccupied him enough that he could pretend to himself that he didn'TMt
see how Cameron'TMs hand brushed House'TMs, or the way she handed him a
cup of coffee.

He was really losing it, if watching her cradling the cup of steaming
liquid and then carefully passing it to House seemed to be meaningful on
more than one level. Coffee cups and hearts. Perfect symbolism. All his
old English teachers would be proud.

The case was an awful one and it was easy to lose himself in the barrage
of tests and scans to do. Chase couldn'TMt afford to be distracted when
three people'TMs lives were at stake, and they deserved to have a doctor
they could depend on. No matter how often his thoughts drifted in that
direction, or he found himself watching her covertly, Chase brought
himself back to reality with a single-minded determination.

By late morning he was feeling the effects and rather irritable that it
was affecting him so much. It didn'TMt help that the first patient'TMs
condition had continued to deteriorate and that they still weren'TMt sure
what was causing it. They were vomiting blood, for God'TMs sake, and it
felt like there wasn'TMt anything they could do. How many times had he
stood by a patient'TMs bed and watched them die, bit by bit, the will to
live struggling against the body'TMs breakdown?

Chase wasn'TMt the least bit hungry when lunchtime rolled around, but he
decided that at least he could go out for a breath of fresh air. He was a
doctor, it was natural that he should be in a hospital, but sometimes it
was a little too much to be constantly surrounded by the sick and dying.
Sometimes he woke up and he could still smell the antiseptic soap that
they used, that scent that lingered over everything and anything, or maybe
it was only in his mind.

The sound of footsteps made him turn around to face the person he last
wanted to see. Cameron came empty-handed, probably as disinclined to eat
as he was. She looked surprised to see him there, but she gave him a smile
anyway. He could see that it was a little forced; the morning had taken
its toll on everyone.

'oeAnything?'

She shook her head. 'oeNo change at all.' She was quite for a moment and
then burst out, 'oeSometimes I just can'TMt stand how'"how cold he is with
the patient'TMs family. He made the mother cry, told her bluntly that her
daughter was dying. Why does he have to be this way? Can'TMt he
just'"change?'

He didn'TMt bother telling her that she was the only one who still had the
idealist'TMs dream of changing House. Didn'TMt bother telling her that if
she loved House only because she saw him as a challenge, as someone to
'~fix,'TM like some good-Samaritan project, then she didn'TMt love him at
all. Instead, Chase only said, 'oeDo you want him to?'

'oeYes'' She had very blue eyes and the color was especially intense now.
'oeNo.'

'oeWell, which is it, Cameron?' He said it a little ruthlessly, pushed
slightly too far. To be talking to her like he was their relationship
counselor or something. Without realizing it, he ran a hand through his
hair, and then realized that his hands weren'TMt gloved for once. Even the
protection of professionalism had been stripped away.

He remembered the first day she'TMd come to talk to him about her feelings
for House. How much he felt like shaking her, then, telling her she
shouldn'TMt go for it. His confession had been on his lips, but he'TMd
realized it would only make him lose their friendship. So instead, he'TMd
encouraged her, because it made her happy, and that'TMs what he really
wanted, in the end. To see her smile, even if it wasn'TMt directed to him,
but to someone else.

'oeIf I changed him he wouldn'TMt be who he is. But,' she bit her lip and
turned away so that he wouldn'TMt see her expression, 'oeI don'TMt know
how long we can last if he didn'TMt change.'

Whatever he might have thought of as a reply to that was cut off by the
approach of a nurse. 'oeDr. Chase! Dr. Cameron! Adeline Smithe is going
into convulsions and Dr. House needs you now!'

There was just enough time for Chase'TMs eyes to meet Cameron'TMs for a
moment before they both set off, personal issues set aside again, similar
in their resolve to save a patient'TMs life.

It didn'TMt matter, though. Seven hours later, having stayed later than
usual because of the case (it wasn'TMt entirely a joke when Foreman
complained of practically living at the hospital) Chase and Cameron faced
the parents of Adeline Smithe and expressed their deepest regrets that,
unfortunately, their daughter had passed away.

Only one out of the three had survived, in the end. Thirty-three percent,
Chase thought tiredly, later. There were days that didn'TMt end well, more
days than he really cared to remember. He was glad that Cameron was there
to help the parents. And House? He hadn'TMt even stopped by.

He'TMd felt a wave of anger at that, and looking at Cameron, he saw his
feelings reflected in her eyes. House had worked on these patients for
over twelve hours but he couldn'TMt spared a few minutes to come by and
face the parents, to express his condolences, whether he really meant them
or not. It would have given them that much more comfort. Mr. and Mrs.
Smithe needed to know that the doctors had done everything they could to
save their child, a young woman only twenty three years old. They needed
to know it wasn'TMt some faceless, nameless doctor arbitrarily deciding
life or death.

But wasn'TMt that exactly what House did? Chase admired him for his skill
and for his dedication. But sometimes it was hard not to wish that House
was just a little bit more human. He hid his own pain under his veneer of
pretended indifference and his sarcasm, and it was all right'"sometimes.
Foreman, Chase, even Cameron laughed along with him'"sometimes.

Or maybe Chase was just being harsh because he envied him, because Cameron
had all but offered House her heart on a silver platter. At least they
hadn'TMt left together tonight. It seemed like the day'TMs events had
strained their happy, newly-meaningful relationship.

Foreman was gone, House was gone, and that left him and Cameron alone in
the room. Despite still not being really in the mood to eat, his body was
reminding him that he hadn'TMt fed it anything since twelve hours ago,
when he'TMd grabbed a cup of coffee. Chase took out the sandwich that
should'TMve been his lunch and decided to eat before heading home.

'oeGive me your sandwich?'

'oeWhat?' The request, coming out of nowhere, surprised him so much he
nearly dropped the food. Chase looked up at Cameron, taken aback. 'oeWhy?'

She gave him a look at that reflected more of her old spirit. 'oeBecause
I'TMm hungry and I didn'TMt eat lunch.'

He looked down at the sandwich and its appealing ingredients and realized
he was hungry. 'oeNo way! Neither did I, so get your own!'

'oeFine, be that way,' she sulked. Chase blinked, certain that he was
seeing or hearing wrong. It must be an effect of fatigue or something,
like a hallucination. Cameron could not possibly be looking at him like
that, like he'TMd just stolen candy from a baby or something. The
beautiful and intelligent Cameron could not possibly be resorting to
pouting to get her way, right?And did she really have to look so damned
cute even when she was accusing him like that with her eyes?

But the look didn'TMt change and finally he rolled his eyes and relented.
'oeAll right, all right. I'TMll share half with you.'

She gave him a smile that told him that she'TMd been playing him all
along, and he gave over half the sandwich with a mock sigh. Why is it that
she never picked Foreman or Wilson or, for goodness'TM sake, even House,
her new boyfriend, to victimize?

House. Her new boyfriend. The smile dropped from his face and Chase
started eating silently, trying his best to ignore her even though she sat
right across the table from him. Cameron looked at him but he was so
determined not to make eye contact that she gave up, thinking that he just
wanted some time alone after the dismal events of the day. Chase was
occupied with his thoughts, but nowhere like the ones she had thought.

It seemed so wrong, somehow, and not just because their personalities were
polar opposites or because of the age gap. They wanted different things
from it. Cameron wasn'TMt the type to go for a fling, and House obviously
wasn'TMt the type to commit. Nothing good would come of it, right? Half
the time they had to get on each others'TM nerves, Cameron being the
do-gooder and House, the sarcastic jerk.

All right, he admitted it'"there was absolutely nothing wrong with House
and Cameron being together except that he didn'TMt want them to be
together. In fact, he didn'TMt want Cameron with anyone, period.

He had tried unsuccessfully to deny it for a long time, but there comes a
point in time when it'TMs really just futile trying to lie to yourself.
The truth was, he wanted Cameron for himself, and he was only so irked
because he was going crazy being jealous of House.xxxxx

Please review! Thanks '" E.D.