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  Lines 
 by Dana  

 The first time Wilson writes House a prescription for Vicodin, he's
ashamed to discover that underneath the surface of the grief and loss he
feels for his friend lies a sliver of satisfaction. He shouldn't be glad
to be writing the script, but in a small way, he is. It's the only
concrete way of helping House he has, the only one House is not just
willing to accept but actually seeks, and he's glad he's able to grant
House this small, temporary dose of relief from what he's going to be
facing for the rest of his life. He's seen House sweating, shaking,
delusional with pain, every time leaving Wilson with an ache in his chest
and a desire to strike, to do anything to keep House from going through
that hell again. Like a good doctor, Wilson observes House's progress with
a perceptive eye, noting his ups and his downs, watching him bite his lips
and attempt to control the leg one day, and not giving a damn on the next.
He sees how once, in the beginning, House puts off taking the pills until
his eyes are red and bleary and he can't even stand, and Wilson knows for
sure, then, that this will never be a windmill, but a roaring, angry
dragon that is wholly capable of devouring House alive.He knows -it's a
clinical fact - that House is in pain, and he does trust him when he says
that the dosage isn't enough anymore, that he knows it's only been a few
days but the leg's been a real bitch this week, that he's only got two
pills left, that fuck, it hurts. The satisfaction he felt at writing
scripts is replaced by a slightly sickening twist in his gut every time he
signs his name under the familiar numbers, but he's a doctor, and he
believes House. He doesn't stop watching. After House breaks his fingers,
admits he's an addict and then goes back to work, Wilson wonders on a very
hypothetical level if House could ever reach a point where he would choose
pills over Wilson's life. And then he draws out a clean paper and a pen
and makes a list.1. act like a jackass2. act significantly more like a
jackass than usual3. lie to fellows4. lie to Cuddy5. lie to me6. steal
pills7. steal bottle of pills8. forge prescriptions9. accident while
high10. overdose11. hurt patient12. physically attack patient/family
member13. physically attack...?14. patient dies15. buy pills illegally16.
let patient die17. loses job18. let fellows lose their jobs19. let me lose
job20. let unknown person die21. my life 22. his lifeWilson stops there,
because he's imagining far worse things and he doesn't want to. He wants
to tear the piece of paper to shreds and bury it in the trash; instead, he
hides it in a book about the healing power of prayer that a patient gave
him once and he hadn't the heart to get rid of.He crosses the first line
off the list the next day, because it really was ridiculous putting it in
in the first place. Numbers three and four go next, but they're just House
being House, and everybody lies (lie to fellows, lie to Cuddy). Time
marches onward slowly, and Wilson finds himself dreading the moments when
his pen heavily cuts another ominous black line into the crinkled piece of
paper, crossing another item off the list. Number twelve, and number five
(physically attack family member, lie to me). He's hesitant about but
suspects number six, reluctantly crossing that off as well (steal pills).
Then Vogler comes along, and while Wilson is packing his books he finds
the list and isn't at all bitter when he crosses off number nineteen (let
me lose job).Things get better, and then they get worse, and there's a
sour taste in his mouth when he crosses off numbers eight and eleven
(forge prescription, hurt patient), unable to pinpoint when exactly the
list turned from a hypothetical exercise of "how far?" to the detailed
chronicle of a downward spiral. When Wilson's DEA license is suspended he
wonders if the world has turned upside down because of House or because of
House's pain, and why he should give a rat's ass anyway. When Chase turns
away, another trust broken, Wilson goes back to the list and realizes that
he's not certain how many more lines should already be crossed and has no
earthly idea what the next is going to be, but if there's one thing he
knows for sure it's that another one will be crossed. Maybe the game isn't
"how far will House?" but "how far will I?"He doesn't even know why it
feels like betrayal when he goes to Tritter. But it does.* * *FIN.  
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Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the
ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of
Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House
(and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property
of NBC/Universal, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I
am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive
no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement
nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the
show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.