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Knowledge is Power
by jenni_snake
"He did what?"
"Yeah. Got him in the Guinness Book of Records, though."
"..."
"I don't make this stuff up, I just find out about it."
"What did you want to be when you grew up?"
"What? ... ... An astronaut."
"Seriously? Well, that worked out well. What did you study in university?"
"What makes you think I went to university?"
"I'm not an idiot - I know things."
"Then why do you hire me?"
"Shut up and answer the question."
"How? In charades?"
"..."
"All right. I majored in fine arts."
"You're lying."
"Why do you hire me? ... Fine, it was sociology."
"See, that explains the unemployment just as well, and you don't have to get caught out in a lie. ... So that's Thirteen and Kutner... what about Taub?"
"Here."
"A bank account?"
"Check the name..."
"A secret bank account?"
"Yup."
"See, now that's interesting. ... So now I owe you how much?"
"Why do you bother asking if you never really intend to pay?"
"You hurt me. If I didn't intend to pay, why would I have you buy me lunch and be doing all this paperwork? If you were really as good as you think you are, you'd know I never do my own paperwork."
"I'm touched."
"Your sincerity frightens me. ... Now what about the last bit?"
"What last bit?"
"You came in here with four folders, I've only got three."
"... It can wait."
"Then why'd you bring it?"
"..."
"Hand it over. ... What's this? Mileage?"
"Business expense. I have a grandmother in Vermont. She's sick."
"I don't pay for you to visit your sick grandmother - just because I'm a doctor doesn't mean I care if you have affordable health care for your family. And I don't pay benefits, so you can forget about braces, too."
"It's all above board - sixty cents to the mile, business mileage reimbursement rate, tax deductible."
"... You didn't go see your grandmother."
"No. Well, yes, I did. Which is why I didn't charge a per diem."
"Let me make myself clearer - you didn't just go see your grandmother."
"No."
"So then unless you want to pay yourself for your little trip north of the border..."
"What? How did you know?"
"I have a grandmother in Vermont, too!"
"No, you don't."
"No, I don't. But I know the rough mileage to twenty major cities in the area. Thought it would come in handy if I ever hired a P.I., you know, to keep track of where they were going. You're about 150 miles past Vermont. ... So, what were you doing in Montreal?"
"Carnavale de Quebec?"
"That's in Quebec City. In February. ... You were checking out Wilson, weren't you? I don't remember asking for anything about Wilson..."
"Something came up"
"What?"
"I'd rather not tell you about it here."
"Then we'll go to my office."
"Or there."
"Where, then? FBI headquarters?"
"Definitely not there."
"Right, it's Canadian. Where do Mounties hang out?"
"How about after work."
"You hand me a bill, expect to be paid, and don't even give me any information?"
"If you paid me more often, I wouldn't have to submit my bills first."
"Touche."
"I'll drop by tonight."
"How am I supposed to have fun with the information I have when all I want is the information you won't give me?"
"I just give you the information. You have to decide what to do with it."
"I am so glad you're paying for lunch."
"Actually, if you'd read the bills more carefully, you'd find that it's you who's paying. ... See you tonight!"
...
"How was your day?"
"How do you get in here? ... Why do I even bother asking? It was horrible, thanks to you."
"Didn't go over so well?"
"Never got around to it. All I could think about was what I didn't know, not what I'd found out."
"A little knowledge is a dangerous thing."
"'Where is the man who has so much as to be out of danger?' Huxley."
"You know what Samuel Johnson said about knowledge?"
"Are you going to tell me?"
"Maybe later. Beer?"
"I suppose I'm buying. I also suppose you're going to invite me to sit on my own couch."
"You sure you should be mixing those drugs with alcohol?"
"Did you get an M.D. on your little trip as well? I'm the doctor here. Besides, it makes them work better."
"..."
"Oh don't give me that!"
"I didn't say anything!"
"I know what you're thinking. Okay, topic change. Why did I just pay you -"
"You didn't pay me."
"You didn't let me finish. Why did I just pay you - in sentiment - to find out that Wilson's going to a twenty year graduate reunion at McGill?"
"You knew?"
"I'm not as idiotic as I look."
"When you do that, you are. ... Huh, well, if you knew, I'm glad I caught a hockey game while I was up there, or it would have been a wasted trip."
"You seriously went all the way to Montreal just to tell me something I already knew?! This probably isn't something you should be admitting to me."
"You're funny when you're angry."
"You didn't major in sociology, did you?"
"Yes, I did."
"..."
"I only minored in psych."
"I knew it! Now stop playing games with me or I'll have you committed. Why did you waste your not so precious time, and my very precious admin money to go to a country where they can't even post the speed limits properly? Especially since Wilson's reunion isn't for another week and a half."
"Because of this."
"Return to the Rainbow Reception? ... You're looking at me like this should mean something. All I can figure is that I was wrong, and it's actually a thirty year kindergarten reunion."
"'Organized in conjunction with Alumni Homecoming, at which McGill's LGBT staff, students and faculty welcome LGBT alumni and friends back to campus for a fun get-together to gab about the past, present and future for queer McGillians.'"
"McGillians? That is queer."
"You don't have a clue, do you?"
"Nope. And I'm out of beer, too."
"Here. ... LGBT, you've seriously never heard this? You need to stop skipping your sensitivity training."
"I wanted to go to sensitivity training - it was the Jews and the blacks who wouldn't let me in!"
"Right... It stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender. And a whole lot besides, but let's start small."
"So what you're telling me is that you ran all the way up north to freeze your ass off just because Wilson was getting junk mail?"
"I went because I didn't want to jump to conclusions."
"Like I said, you wasted your time and my money."
"It's not your money, and it wasn't a waste. I joined a student club while I was up there."
"Don't tell me I'm going to be paying for your tuition and Student Union fees now!"
"It's ok - if you look enough like a student, no one asks for ID. Besides, it was only five bucks."
"Canadian. So about... ninety nine cents. Still, money is money, and I still don't know why you feel you can waste my hard earned dollars."
"You didn't even ask me what club I joined."
"Do I have to?"
"It's called Queer McGill. It started in the early seventies, and used to be called Gay McGill."
"See, I knew you couldn't keep it a secret forever. So who's the lucky guy?"
"I'm just going to ignore that."
"... I'm impressed. It usually takes people knowing me a lot longer before they learn that trick. The funnest people are the ones who never learn... ... So what did you learn at this club of yours? Besides the fact that university students have too much money for alcohol and way too much time for sex - we already knew that, that's why we always complain it's a waste of time. We're just jealous."
"I don't think you want to know, come to think of it."
"You're right. If it's anything about man sex, you can leave me ignorant."
"..."
"Oh come on, I wasn't serious! ... No, I was... Just tell me!"
"Again, going to ignore that for the moment. There weren't any membership lists, at least none I could get my hands on, but they let me browse the yearbooks - just collections of photographs they put together from past years. There was this..."
"You just took it? Just like that?"
"No, I have a pinhole."
"A spy camera? Cool. I need to borrow that sometime. So what is this?"
"It's from 1987, the group of McGill students that went to the Toronto Pride Parade."
"..."
"Second row, third from - "
"I'm not blind. I can see."
"..."
"It doesn't prove anything."
"There was this one, too."
"..."
"..."
"This was twenty years ago. It was college. No one knows what they want in college. It's a confusing time."
"I don't know... `confused' is the last adjective I'd use to describe that photo."
"We all do stupid things. Hell, I even joined a cheerleading squad because of some girl."
"And I'm sure you went to your reunion..."
"Of course I didn't."
"..."
"It's just a phase."
"When was the last time you picked up a psychology textbook?"
"I'm still the doctor, remember?"
"It sounds like you're still reading inversion and reparative theories from the 50's."
"I never said it was some sort of disease or anything. I know the APA took it off the mental illness list, I get the memos. Don't make me out to be some sort of Neanderthal homophobe..."
"..."
"Look, Wilson is not gay."
"..."
"Don't give me that look, or I'll fire you - not for insulting my friend, but for incompetence."
"Calling someone gay is an insult?"
"It is if it's not true."
"It is true."
"Innocent til proven guilty."
"Straight til proven queer? Ever thought maybe a gay person might be insulted if you assumed they were straight?"
"... Look, there's nothing wrong with being gay..."
"..."
"Just..."
"Just as long as it's nothing to do with you."
"..."
"Jesus, I wish I knew you weren't his only friend."
"I'm starting to wish he wasn't my only friend."
"I can't believe you just said that!"
"..."
"That was really, really low."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"You know what, I think a lot of this is my fault. I don't think I filled you in enough. The reason you see Wilson going to grief counselling is because his girlfriend just died. I don't remember you telling me that he was showing up at any... G... BLT - "
"LGBT..."
"Whatever - groups or sessions or saying anything else except for getting one insignificant letter in the mail. Unless there's stacks of gay porn you're not telling me about... and I don't mean the good girly kinds."
"I think you forgot what else I told you."
"About what?"
"About the things people don't mention. Ignoring things that aren't important - "
"And things you wished weren't important. I know, you told me. Is that your only piece of insight?"
"Do you always try to deflect serious reflection with flippant remarks?"
"Do you always answer a question with a question?"
"How old are you, twelve?"
"See! There you go again! ... Look the point is..."
"...?"
"I've forgotten what I was saying."
"You were telling me what you think I didn't know about Wilson. His girlfriend. I think you were probably going to tell me about his wives, too."
"See? You can do it. You don't need me in this conversation."
"I think you were going to fail to mention the fact that they were three ex-wives."
"Well duh, he's not Mormon. I thought there were some things you could figure out for yourself."
"So he has the wife, the perfect house on a quiet street, white picket fence..."
"There's no white picket fence."
"It doesn't matter."
"Then why'd you put it in?"
"You're not going to get me off topic..."
"Then you'd better finish before I get bored."
"My point is, he has it all, or seems to have it all, and nothing works."
"A completely useless point - half the marriages in America are like that!"
"You do know he's been on anti-depressants..."
"You're not really proving a point. I mean, come on. It's the 20th Century!"
"It's the 21st Century..."
"Exactly! Don't correct me if you know what I mean!"
"I don't know what you mean."
"It's not the Dark Ages, we're not burning people at the stake."
"You don't think violence is a problem anymore?"
"All I'm saying - God, do you practice being this annoying? All I'm saying is that there's no need to hide anymore. If you're gay, you can be out. Your theory sucks - if Wilson was... he wouldn't be hiding."
"How many gay heads of departments are there?"
"At Plainsboro? You mean how many are out? Hmm... Well, McIvor's always been a little weird, but I just thought it was the name."
"See, there you go again."
"What?"
"Gay people are not `weird'."
"I'm joking, sheesh. Maybe you need another beer."
"How many times do you make jokes like that a week? A day?"
"Wow, if the sensitivity training people have your same sense of humour, I think I'll let them keep me out."
"How many times do you make jokes like that in front of Wilson?"
"I don't need you to lecture me..."
"Take a moment - just think about it. Just an `innocent joke,' so who's going to say anything? And who's going to out themselves because of a joke? Especially to the person who's making it."
"... I think you've thought about this too much."
"I don't think you've thought about it enough."
"I don't think I've ever paid so much to be so aggravated."
"Look, my point is - you can sacrifice a lot for something you really want. You can put up the faade that people expect, but the cracks are going to show. You can try to fit in to what's expected, but it's going to take its toll if it's not what you really want."
"Wait - what you're trying to tell me is that the man with three wives - ex-wives - who just lost the woman of his dreams, the man who I've known for eight years has been hiding this whole time?"
"..."
"Don't shrug at me, that's not an answer. I, for one, am not going to make any assumptions about Wilson."
"But don't you see? You already have."
"This is completely ridiculous! You're just being contrary!"
"Why are you so angry?"
"I'm not angry!"
"Yes you are."
"No I'm not!!"
"..."
"I'm... not angry. ... I'm just... he's my friend. I'm just trying to defend him."
"Against what?"
"Against unfair accusations"
"You might be the one making those..."
"You're not making any sense!"
"Maybe not to you..."
"Look, it's late and it's a school night. I don't want to do any more convoluted thinking."
"Fine."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"I should take off..."
"What? You can't go!"
"Well I can't stay... that's how rumours get started. And I have a feeling you're ill-equipped to deal with them."
"But you can't just leave now!"
"But I am..."
"But what am I supposed to do with this information?!"
"That's for you to decide. All I care is that you pay me."
"You can't say that and just leave!"
"You're right. I should probably tell you what Samuel Johnson said. He said, `Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless -'"
"`... and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful.' I know."
"Then you don't need me to tell you. ... Good night, House."
"Good night, Lucas."
Please post a comment on this story.
Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House (and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property of NBC/Universal, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
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