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Mmm. Cookies
by Adrienne
"House, I can't believe you did that," Wilson shouted, barging
into House's office. Chase prudently moved his feet out of the
pathway from the door to the desk.
"Really?" House replied, in an innocently curious tone. "You
didn't believe I would shoot a corpse and then give it an MRI,
either. You'd think you'd know better by now." Chase agreed;
that one was classic House.
Wilson sighed heavily, as he was wont to do in House's presence.
"Seriously, House, how could you? You knew that this was
important to me," Wilson continued earnestly, putting his hands
on his hips.
"Did you know that pose is called standing akimbo?" House
inquired. Chase recognised deflection when he heard it. So,
apparently, did Wilson.
"Yes," Wilson replied. "It's a good thing I found out about it
before the bake sale. How could you?"
"How could I what?"
"Replace all my baking chocolate with Ex-Lax!" Wilson went back
to shouting. House didn't look particularly ashamed or
repentant, but Chase did look down at the pilfered chocolate chip
cookie in his hand. Cameron and Foreman exchanged guilty
glances.
Chase carefully put the cookie down on a napkin and dusted off
his fingers. He hadn't actually eaten any of the cookie, but
based on the way Cameron and Foreman fled the room, they had.
Maybe he should have left, because now Wilson redirected his
glare at him.
"And while I'm here, maybe you could explain why half a dozen of
the cookies I made for the bake sale to support the new pediatric
oncology wing disappeared?" Wilson snapped.
"Well, I... Um..." Chase rolled his eyes and nodded his head
toward House in an obvious and, he suspected, idiotic looking
attempt to pin the blame on House.
"House would have taken them before I left and my assistant saw a
blond in my office twenty minutes ago."
"Oh, like that's anything unusual," House put in and, much to
Chase's disappointment, Wilson didn't deign to notice.
It was all Foreman's fault, anyway. Cameron had mentioned the
bake sale and the fact that Wilson had brought in five dozen
cookies for it.
They had all watched in helpless envy when House would slowly eat
Wilson's cookies in front of them without sharing and with an
expression bordering on orgasmic. Foreman had talked him into
stealing a handful of the little 'disks of delight', pointing out
that nobody would miss them in the bounty being brought together
for the event. Cameron had distracted House with a question
while Foreman blocked the view to Wilson's office. Chase had
gone in through the balcony and taken six of the soft cookies and
parcelled them out while House's back was turned.
He hadn't had a chance to eat any of them, since House had turned
back just as Cameron and Foreman each crammed one into their
mouths and someone had to actually answer House. Despite not
having had any, he was feeling distinctly queasy.
"Stealing from children." Wilson let the anger fade from his
voice, leaving only sad disappointment. He shook his head and
Chase felt about two inches tall.
He hung his head, wishing he had eaten some of the cookies. A
bad case of the trots would be better than this. Cameron and
Foreman got off easy.
He listened to the silence for a moment, too ashamed to look up.
Then he heard a snicker coming from Wilson's side of the desk,
followed by one from House's side. He lifted his head slightly
and opened one eye. Both men were grinning like idiots.
"Wilson, I could hug you," House said finally. "I take it the
real cookies are being happily consumed as we speak?"
"Wait a minute." Chase protested. "There's nothing wrong with
the cookies?" He picked up his cookie and defiantly bit into
it, chewing vigorously.
"Well, not with the ones I gave to the committee," Wilson
replied. "Those, on the other hand, really are laced with
laxatives."
"It was Wilson's feeble attempt to keep me from eating the entire
batch as they came out of the oven," House explained. "I caught
on to it, so we decided to see if you lot were the thieving,
lying mercenaries I thought you were. Wilson had a better
opinion."
"Up until now," Wilson added.
"So..." Chase tried to spit out the mouthful of cookie, then gave
in to the inevitable and swallowed. "You two cooked this up
between you as a test?"
"As an experiment," House corrected smugly. "All very
scientific. You didn't even notice the weird taste of the
chocolate."
"Neither did you," Wilson pointed out dryly. "You ate six of
them before they even cooled down."
"Best bowel movement I've had in a month." House nodded. "It
was great. Smooth, with just a hint of..."
"House, I've already had the full colour commentary. I don't
need the replay," Wilson warned. "I doubt Chase does, either."
Chase, now not sure which end was going to expel the cookie
first, got up and fled in the same direction Foreman had, to the
sound of laughter.
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Legal Disclaimer: The authors published here make no claims on the ownership of Dr. Gregory House and the other fictional residents of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Like the television show House (and quite possibly Dr. Wilson's pocket protector), they are the property of NBC/Universal, David Shore and undoubtedly other individuals of whom I am only peripherally aware. The fan fiction authors published here receive no monetary benefit from their work and intend no copyright infringement nor slight to the actual owners. We love the characters and we love the show, otherwise we wouldn't be here.
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