What does VP mean by "mentoring" fans? Before the net, fans found each other in a variety of ways, and most fans were mentored into fandom by people who were already enjoying it. Fans usually went their first con along with other fan friends who'd been there before. With the net, much of that tradition has changed and fans come into fandom pretty much on their own. It can be very intimidating to go to a fan con for the first time when you don't know anyone and have no idea what to expect. Many VP members are avid congoers and are happy to meet new fans at cons and show them around and help them feel comfortable. If you mention on the list that you've never been to a con, and need someone to mentor you, you will find listsisters very friendly and helpful. When in doubt, ask Flamingo. Subject: [VP] Mentoring new congoers Date: Tue, 03 Aug 1999 15:29:17 -0400 From: flamingoslim This topic came up in a private discussion with some other list members. Some neighbors have mentioned how intimidating it can be to go to your first con. You don't know anyone but everyone knows each other. Even doing something like going to a planned SH party can be unnerving if you've never met any of these folks face to face. (And after you've walked in and seen the weird woman with the flamingo hat and flamingo slippers you *know* you're definitely in the wrong place! :-D ) Most people find me a very assertive, even aggressive, individual and can't imagine me ever acting like a shrinking violet, but the fact is one of my big social problems (besides that other one!) is entering a room full of people I don't know. Sometimes I can have trouble entering a room full of people I *do* know. (Specially if I owe them money!) My partner and I managed to attend about 6 Media West cons without ever really making friends with anyone or getting to know anyone. (Miami Vice fandom was totally miniscule, so it didn't lead to networking.) But I did meet 1 significant person in MV: Ro. It was our dear cab driver from the Twilight Zone who literally dragged me by the hand into my first SH party at Media and my life was forever changed. (Yeah, in those days I still had some free time! :-D ) It was really unnerving -- the room was *packed* and everyone seemed to know everybody else. I knew I was being phobic, but it hardly mattered. Of course, once they showed me the red underwear scene, well, let's just say I haven't been the same since. I mean, I have so much trouble with this entry issue that I almost didn't go to a very small (5 people) SH gathering at Martha's house because the only person I knew was Martha and I barely knew her. My partner nearly had to put me in the car. Anyway, I bring all this up (will she *ever* get to the point?) to say that of all the fandoms I know, SH has got to be the friendliest and the most open to new fans. But that doesn't necessarily mean that walking into a con and showing up at a party and saying, "Hi, I'm..." is that easy for most people to do. However, because SH *is* such a friendly fandom, I think there's an *easy* solution to this. Before the Internet (sometime around the year 1916) most fans discovered cons by meeting people who either brought them to the con or met them at the con. Someone they'd befriended through either proximity or fandom interests. Meeting *one* person you've been talking to is a hell of a lot less intimidating than meeting 30 people all at once. A Japanese fan who isn't on the list right now went to Media to meet one fan, ended up rooming with another on the spur of the moment and by the time the party rolled around she was very comfortable with the group in *spite* of the fairly large language barrier. If any of you are considering going to a con either because it's near you or because you've heard good things about it, but you're just a little overwhelmed at the notion of just walking into a strange place full of strangers, why don't we try this? Two options, whichever is the least scary: either bring it up publicly on the list like Carol and Blue have most recently, and lets see who else might be going to the same con who would be willing to "mentor" you there -- set up a place to meet, share a meal, show the new congoer around and let her know what's what and in the course of events introduce her to others, attend a panel or something together, go with her to the party if there is one, etc. Not that you have to move in with this person, but since many of us at cons join up with various groups of people on and off all weekend, for the experienced con goer this would be a fairly normal activity. If a public declaration is too intimidating then drop me a note (or anyone else on the list you're comfortable communicating with) telling them which con and they can act as "match-maker." Mentoring in fandom is very traditional. Most of us have been "brought in" to cons and other public events by one person we've met. I would've never made it into that party without Ro and her Twilight Zone cab. (Ro: "You'll love them. They're great people. They're all like us." Me: "That's what I'm afraid of.") Of course, I always consider fandom mentering in the same vein as the warning the nuns gave me so many years ago: You never go to hell alone, you always take someone with you. I remember smiling at the good Sister and saying, "Well, in that case, I'm bringing a party." And I know you will all be there! So, how about bringing a few other fun souls in for the ride? Flamingo Subject: Re: [VP] Mentoring new congoers Date: 03 Aug 1999 19:39:11 -0500 From: McVey flamingoslim@delphi.com wrote: . > Some neighbors have mentioned how intimidating it can be to go to your > first con. You don't know anyone but everyone knows each other. Tell me about it! My first con was in Vancouver 1997 for The Sentinel and whoa boy!!!!!!! > Mentoring in fandom is very traditional. Most of us have been "brought > in" to cons and other public events by one person we've met. I would've > never made it into that party without Ro and her Twilight Zone cab. > (Ro: "You'll love them. They're great people. They're all like us." Me: > "That's what I'm afraid of.") Of course, I always consider fandom > mentering in the same vein as the warning the nuns gave me so many years > ago: You never go to hell alone, you always take someone with you. I > remember smiling at the good Sister and saying, "Well, in that case, I'm > bringing a party." And I know you will all be there! > Thank God for the fan who brought me into TS fandom, she was nice enough to send me pictures of herself before the con (my mother was convinced M was actually a man and bad things would happen to me when I met people in RL that I had met over the internet ) and she was there to introduce me around and help me get comfortable with everyone. I had been to a few ST local cons before I went to Vancouver, but I always went with a friend and never spent the entire weekend, so I kinda knew what to expect. But the reality was a whole lot different! I was sooooo nervous! And you have to realize, I was almost 40 years old and flying to Vancouver was my very first plane trip! I couldn't start by a simple hop to Dalles or Kansas City (I live in Tulsa, OK) no, I had to fly halfway cross the country and mess with customs! I just knew I was gonna be airsick! (Hmmm, maybe that's why the guy sitting next to me changed seats so quickly ) The con I went to sounds alot like the con you're going to. Very structured, had a dress code, lots of activities and parties. I was so nervous about having the "right" clothes I ended up with *4* huge suitcases! Ended up not wearing everything I brought, but it was nice having lots of stuff there. (But you learn... I went to the Senticon in MI this March with only a backpack). The best part *was* meeting the people I had talked with or read their stories or had heard about. I was just drooling over meeting some of my favorite authors and getting their autographs and talking about thier stories with them. At one of the parties a fan and I were talking about slash and different stories and well, you know the sudden quiet that happens at a party when you really aren't expecting it? Yeah, it happened just as she was telling me about a creative blowjob! We still laugh over that. What I'm trying to say is go, have a great time, you'll find lots of good folks out there and don't worry about trying to make conversation. After all, you already have one thing in common...the love of the fandom. McVey Subject: Re: Re: [VP] Cons Date: 04 Aug 1999 From: AprilValen In a message dated 8/3/99 1:32:30 PM, MyBuddy2@webtv.net wrote: <> There are really two types of cons -- the "professional" con and the "fan" con. You can tell them apart pretty much by whether they have actors or not. Pro cons are often put on for profit -- if you've ever been to a Creation con, you'll know what I mean. Other pro-like cons are the ones like CouverCon where they have the show's stars and are put on for charity. These cons stress actors and sell mostly memorabilia rather than fanzines. The other kind of con, the "fan" con is definitely *not* profit-making. It's put on by fans, for fans. Fans don't have the bucks it takes to invite actors but fan cons are my favorite -- tons of fanzines, plenty of panel discussions to discuss all aspects of particular shows or fandoms, an art show and auction and room parties at night. These cons are structured too, but sometimes a little more loosely scheduled -- pro cons can get off schedule too if an actor's plane is late or they can't get somebody off stage for the next guest. Cons like MediaWest, MountainMedia, FrisCon, ZCon and Connexions (tooting my own horn ) are fan cons. Back in my Trek days, I attended August Party-- pretty much the first fan con -- aside from what we used to call mini-cons (parties at someone's home with a whole buncha fans). I've loved that type of con ever since. It's at this kind of con that you can feel overwhelmed at though -- since it's so relaxed and people all seem to know each other. I didn't know anyone in fandom when I went to the first August Party but the next year (uh... 1976) I went with other fans -- a million times better. One thing that hasn't been mentioned that is a great thing about cons -- even if you're shy and don't know anyone at first, it is at a con that you can truly be yourself, or rather the fan in you that's been dying to come out and just spend time *talking* about your guys, your show, whatever, that you can't do at home where nobody understands. It's okay at a con -- to actually *talk* out loud about Starsky and Hutch having sex! Nobody minds (well, unless it is a con where they don't like slash). You can go to panels and stay quiet if you want or jump in with an idea or opinion, you can drool over the artwork, enjoy song vids... it's a total weekend experience. You are in your element, with others who love the same things you do and there's absolutely nothing in the world that compares to it. Nothing can break in-- not the kids or the nightly news -- and you can just wallow for the whole time. What a wonderful way to vacation. And you get to know people. As Flamingo said, in regard to the Japanese fan, you meet like-minded souls and find yourself feeling like they are old friends. It's just like on the internet, if that's been most of your fan experience. You talk with someone about how much you both like Starsky & Hutch, love certain episodes or stories, and your own personal differences don't seem to matter. On line, you have the cushion of being "anonymous" or faceless, if you will. But who you are and what you look like doesn't matter when you meet fans in person, either. Fandom is the one place I've found where the place you live in, your economic background, your education, your color and your size don't matter. Everybody is valued for who they are and what they contribute -- even if your contribution is confined to buying zines. And, if anybody needs a mentor at ZCon, feel free to write me. Martha Subject: Re: [VP] Mentoring new congoers (long) Date: 04 Aug 1999 12:04:39 -0500 From: jimbobnoneck I know...I know. Seems like I've been hiding lately. But I'm Not! Really. I've been upside down, in a cardboard box, dejunking the ol' apt. Now...this might be fun if the guys had chosen to help. But did they??? NOoooooo, of course not . Anyway...on to the point of this missive. (and there *will* be one. Trust me;) Mentoring is the single most important reason why I experienced *anything* more than just surfing and reading. It started with one email on one gen Sentinel list...and grew. I mean...here I am. Venting about losing KC's UPN affiliate a couple of years ago, and suddenly there's this "Are you in the KC area, TOO??!" post in my mailbox. Which became a regular *stream* of mails. Which turned out to be from one of my favorite writers. Which turned into an invitation to come along with her and her friends to MW. Sight unseen. Gulp!! So we exchanged phone numbers. And talked. And Talked. And then met. In Person! ( a lot of you *know* how intimidating/scary *that* can be!) And that's how I ended up traveling halfway across the country by car with 4 other people, only one of whom I'd ever met. And staying at the hotel with 3 *other* new friends. And at that first MW, I basically hung out with them. Having a wonderful time. But *this* year....WOW!! It was even better. (and yes...that means YOU, E.B. and Viv ;) I did things that for those of you who know me, seem like no big deal. But still, to me, are taking a leap into the pond. I went down to the SlashBreakfast on my own. thinking I was going to have breakfast with 25 people I'd never met before. Wrong! I volunteered for panels...abet with a nudge (hi! again, Emmie). Gulp!! MediaWest Panels!! And had a blast. I went to a party for a old/new fandom of mine. Knowing I might know 1 other person there. And ended up playing charades until WAY too late ;) (Ro...you are *evil*!! And don't even get me *started* on Mel ;) Oops, and Sandy. and...well, you know how it goes. LOL. And getting one of the best hugs I can ever remember (thanks, MommaBird) I arranged to meet writers who's stuff I suck up the minute I find it...and ended up having 5 hour plot discussions until I basically ended up waving and nodding my way thru Sunday because my throat was all tired out . I got to arranged to meet with someone I met pretty casually, *last* MW, and ended up spending most breakfasts, lunches and dinners with. And panel time. And other time. Time where she introduced me to *other* writers I hadn't met yet, time discussing her work, and my work, and what was going to happen in our respective universes. Time in the art room oggling Susan Lovett's work with lust in our hearts. . In other words. Mentoring. And becoming my friend. And hopefully, I paid a little of that back. (Hiya, GroundControl!) Life gets pretty busy and taking the time to introduce somebody new to the ways and means of what , to you, is a pretty set and comfortable routine can take a lot of energy. Energy that I hope I have to give willingly and with a joyful heart. Just like Gena and EB have done for me. Ducking back in to get started on another room, Carole W