The BLTS Archive - White Horse fourth in the Vulcan Shadows series by Voile cha Krech (methioarya@comcast.net) --- Mine wife, Saya cha Krech, wilt archive Disclaimer: Thou dost know I wilt not make money nor dost I wish it. Paramount owns and can use. --- I waited as my aide handed the small casket to my son. He took it and looked across the room to me and for the first time I dropped my eyes to him. There was nothing left to say between us. I felt him withdraw and only then did I move. All was dust, all. I tried to utter the ancient absolve but somehow my controls broke and I shook, my emotions overwhelming me. She came to me then and grasped my robes to usher me quickly from the room. For two weeks my wife had been kept in frozen silence as arrangements were made and transfers were completed and all the while this one had been there for me. "Where?" she asked, and I answered by walking in a daze towards my personal flitter, grounded and waiting. She was by my side all the way as we were buffeted by the winds that blew off the bay. So cold. Earth was always so cold. She bade me to sit in the passenger seat and as I lowered myself into the flitter I heard voices arguing. Her voice came through the loudest and silenced the other. My aide, I realized, had been subdued. I laughed at the realization and then caught myself laughing and stopped abruptly with my insides twisting. What was happening to me? Could her death be affecting me to this degree? I shivered from the cold as the driver's side door opened and then closed. My eyes were shut but I knew it was she by her distinctive perfume. So strangely comforting was her presence. So like my wife, this one. Strong, commanding, and quite able to take charge, even over myself, and thus relieving me of my duties. My duties, my responsibilities. I had so many did I not? All my long life there was only duty, to my race, to my family, to my position, to my wife and my sons, to all others with no time for myself in between. It was a source of illogical pride for me and finally my downfall. The shaking began again and she put her hand over mine and so I stilled as I grasped her offered concern and she squeezed with all her Human might. Perrin. Sweet and strong Perrin. Driven and fiery Perrin. My warmth as my wife's cold stillness dissipated into icy solidity. No matter now. So silent was this one. Perrin smoothed her fingers over mine so very deep and hard. I felt relief that my wife would no longer accuse me of adultery in her mental failing's as she succumbed to Alzheimer's disease. My wife's words rang in my mind. Words I had never heard her say in all my years with her. Ugly words and accusations flung at me in her illness. Ten years of words as the disease took her from me. During those years, all I dreamt about was how she had been before her decline. I thought about what had happened after I had admitted her into the care facility. Some days she would be sweet and soft towards me as I sat beside her bed. Then suddenly, without warning, her face would become hard and her eyes would become ice with a look I could not fathom that drove straight through as her dementia would overcome her. She would begin to accuse me of things I could never have done unto her. Remembering this my eyes dripped precious water onto my robes. I had to sever the bond for her illness had taken me also. There was no choice the healers had advised. They warned that Bendii's Syndrome would ensue if I waited any longer to cut the bond with her. I resisted remembering what had been between us before. I resisted too long and now…. Now. Shaking once again I knew I too was afflicted. I knew I was tainted for my emotions were no longer controlled and the tendrils of what her world called Alzheimer's disease was now my Bendii's. There was no turning back. A meld/bonding transfer of disease was not uncommon among the telepaths of our race and so Vulcan society did not condone outside contacts from the families whose gene carried the ability to meld. The genetic line of Surak was known very well for its weakness of telepathy and therefore our bloodline stigmatized us. My son by marriage to Earth had been an attempt by my clan to erase the "blood". Still the weakness remained. I gripped Perrin's hand again. I had resisted her previous personal advances except the ones that were to guide me through this dark time. I could not inflict her also with my disease through an uncontrolled link and was wary of this if I took her to me. How to explain to Perrin? She thought it was because of my devotion to Amanda that had caused me to resist her fires for me. Not true. Not true. My cycle had ceased, as my bond was corrupt. I was not a young man anymore whose drive was paramount over all. I severed the bond too late, yes, and my cycle died with it even as my mind bent. All was as it should be for a Vulcan male of my years. I was free of the drive. Finally. So final. The flitter set down into the garage at the Sea House. She came around the side to help me out of the compartment. I could not see well in the dim light and she led me through the door into the kitchen area. She seated me at the table with her familiar voice entreating, "S'Haile." Somehow the usage of my old familiar title drew me out of my depths and I leaned back in the chair, suddenly relaxed, in the warm glow of the light above the table. Yes. I am and always will be S'Haile. The old title. My Title. I felt centered again as she began to prepare her version of a Vulcan dish. I smelled the Vulcan spices along with the slightly Earth oriented preparation aroma. Recognizing the combination as being like Amanda's cooking, it pulled me further into lucidity. She would care for me. I would allow it. Tonight. I re-examined my motive. No it had nothing to do with logic. It had to do with survival. I could not be alone I realized. Never had I been and never could I be alone. Not like my son at all, was I. He could be alone and actually I thought he preferred it. Kirk and McCoy were his exception's and I wondered briefly about Ms. Chapel also but I did not know about his choices nor could I care at the moment. I looked at Perrin moving by the counter pouring tea for me. Iced, as the Human's took it in this continent and watched her as she brought me a plate full of food and the drink she had prepared and then hers and she sat with me. I picked at the meal, but ate some as she sat by me in silence eating normally for her. She did not say anything to me but looked at me and smiled pleasantly until I offered her a small soft expression in return. She asked me if my meal was acceptable. I acknowledged that it most certainly was and tried to eat more. To please her I realized. I sat watching her as she finished her portion and she rose to remove the plates. I took her hand. She startled and so I stood and pulled her to me to kiss her deeply. She moaned into my mouth and took hold of me in a fashion I was not used too and suddenly I was unsure. It was too late. She slipped her hands into my robes, under my shirt and held me to her, licking at my open mouth. I gasped when she pushed me back against the kitchen wall with a strength I had not realized she held. Quite unlike Amanda. --- continued in the fifth story in the Vulcan Shadows series 'Pale Horse' --- And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder. One of the four beasts saying, "Come and see" And I saw. And behold a white horse. Revelations 6: v, 1-2 as interpreted by Johnny Cash