The BLTS Archive - The Sarah Vignettes: I Love You
by Sileya (sileyathesultry@gmail.com)

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Disclaimers: All hail mighty Paramount. They own it all, I just aspire
to. The inspiration for this vignette was the song "I Love You" by
Sarah McLachlan. She owns the lyrics, I just stuck most of them in
some sort of order in here.

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Kathryn stands in one corner of the jovial mess hall, now the place of
a birthday party for Ensign Wildman's daughter, with Chakotay nearby.
Many of the main bridge crew chat and socialized, as this was early
in Gamma Shift, and then the door whooshes open, admitting those just
released from Beta Shift. As more crew enter, one in particular
catches her eye, and a soft smile appears on her usually composed
face - stretched from ear to ear, as she watches B'Elanna enter the
room and immediately start joking around with Harry and Tom, who try
to offer her leola fudge cake. Kathryn's eyes lightly appraise the fit
of B'Elanna's uniform as she walks across the room to the corner where
Kathryn and Chakotay sit.

B'Elanna's smile shines brighter than the lights which illuminate the
room, and for a moment Kathryn feels suspended in time... on a dark
stage where they meet by the spotlights. Kathryn just stares for
awhile as B'Elanna interrupts Chakotay's feeble attempt to work on a
PADD, and the room seems to fall away as Kathryn studies the delicate
lines of B'Elanna's face.

"Just you and me..." Kathryn thinks. "Meeting on this single ship in
the quadrant... like an island of hope, floating through the stars."
She exhales softly, dispelling some building tension, that breath
traveling the seeming miles between B'Elanna and herself.

Almost as if she senses that breath of warm air, B'Elanna turns and
smiles, waving a hello to the Captain, her eyes bright and animated.
Kathryn smiles automatically, raising a hand to catch her
attention... in Kathryn's mind, on that dark stage, they move to stand
near each other, eyes meeting. "Let me hold you in my arms, surround
you with support,." Kathryn thinks, eyes vague with her thoughts.

In the spotlight, B'Elanna answers, "I am the ever moving sea to your
solid shore," her hands grasping Kathryn's lightly.

Her arms settling lightly around B'Elanna, Kathryn murmurs, "Let me be
the calm you seek," as the light flare brightly, oh so brightly...

... but B'Elanna has already turned to move back across the mess hall
to the table where Harry and Tom are helping Naomi open presents.
Kathryn's breathing stops momentarily, as a shock sets in.

"Every time I'm close to you, there's too much I can't say...and you
just walk away," Kathryn murmurs, voice breaking a bit. She raises her
cold glass to her flushed forehead, shutting her eyes for a moment
before opening them only to focus on B'Elanna again, burning into her,
willing her to look up.

"I forgot to tell you I love you," Kathryn admits silently to
B'Elanna. "In this eternal night of space, it's just too long... and
too cold, without you." Kathryn sighs and shakes her head, trying to
clear her thoughts. "I'm grieving for what I don't have... an odd
condition," and the truth wells up to choke her.

"I cannot find the strength to say I need you so." Kathryn sits
heavily in a chair in the corner, forgotten by the partiers.

After a few minutes of staring out the viewport, a voice brings
Kathryn out of her reverie.

"Captain? Are you all right?"

Kathryn looks up into those dark, satin eyes with which B'Elanna
expresses so much. She pauses, about to admit the truth, when the
words automatically tumble out of her mouth, "Fine, B'Elanna. Just
thinking of home."

B'Elanna smiles comfortingly. "Of course. We all do time to time. Have
a nice evening."

Kathryn raises a hand to continue as B'Elanna moves to meet Harry and
Tom at the door, walking out with a wave to Chakotay. Kathryn's heart
freezes in regret.

"Every time..." Kathryn inwardly rages, "I'm close to you, there's too
much I can't say, and you just walk away." She stands resolutely,
waving to the birthday girl and walking out, moving to the turbolift.
Once it stops, the doors whooshes open...and B'Elanna stands inside.
"Retiring for the evening, Captain?"

Kathryn's thoughts are a mish mash as she enters with a nod and a soft
thank you, trying to well up the courage to speak, when the turbolift
stops too soon, and B'Elanna steps out with a soft, "Good night,
Captain." The doors close on a desperately frustrated Kathryn.

"I forgot to tell you I love you," she moans aloud, barely above a
whisper, arms wrapping around her as she manages to get back to her
quarters without anyone seeing her ravaged face. She drops into bed,
fully clothed, the sobs coming freely. After several minutes, Kathryn
lies shivering, broken, one line of thought passing over and over
through her mind. "The night's too cold and long here without you."

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The End