The BLTS Archive - Ego and Wanting
third in the Dark Waters series
by Sileya (sileyathesultry@gmail.com)

---

Spoilers: There are some flashes from scenes in episodes, but I don't
know which episodes and they don't really reveal anything, so it
shouldn't be a problem.

Disclaimers: Paramount is God, we are prostrate before the altar, all
we borrow is yours, and we gain nothing from it. Amen. This story
contains descriptions of relations between men which some people may
find (ahem) objectionable. If that's the case, then don't read this
story. But I think you'll regret missing it.

Archiving: Anywhere, just keep disclaimers and my name on it. Thanks.

Author's Note: Callie requested "A serious Tu/C with plot." Here it
is. This is the third section of "Dark Waters"...it's not over yet.
You need to read the first two for this part to make sense. At the
very least you need to read part 2.

Special Thanks: To Pamela, Gayle, Carola, Latifah, Katisha, Jen and
everyone else who has been hounding me to keep writing on this series.
I promise the next part won't take 3 hours (and nine months) to write.
To think, it only took an influx or TERRIBLY tuppery Sentinel slash to
kick me into gear.

Warnings: Angst and anger issues, borderline non-consensual and
violent sexual situations. Hang on to your panties, it's going to get
worse.

This takes place immediately following events in "Melt Into Me."

---

Amid the applause and laughter, Chakotay's smile matched the
brightness of the warp core. The confetti flew about him, and time
slowed...and as if in slow motion, he laughed as B'Elanna broke the
champagne against the railing, his eyes glittering in the light, the
warmth of his happiness turning onto Kathryn as she touched his arm,
laughing as well, full of the greatness of the moment, full of the
ambiance around them as the crew celebrated their newest chance to get
home.

(flash)

Chakotay contentedly looked about the room at Neelix's party, happy to
see the crew enjoying itself, breaking down the barriers as civilian
clothing had been made the norm rather than the rule...even Kathryn
wore an outfit of china white, relaxing quite a bit for her. His eyes
shone with warmth as he raised his glass in a a toast to their lost
home.

(flash)

Tears warred with smiles as the crew celebrated at Kes' wake. Everyone
loved the Ocampan deeply, Chakotay among them. But they celebrated
earnestly, knowing that in her transformation she had pushed them so
much closer to home. The room was hushed, but the air warm as drinks
were passed and memories shared, Neelix leading the way with stories
of their antics in the kitchen. Chakotay grinned over one such story,
remembering a practical joke on Tom Paris, and the grief lightened a
bit as his thoughts turned to her gift and open heart.

(flash)

Chakotay's eyes closed in pain as he looked across the horribly
damaged ship - decks literally torn apart by the Hirogen's plan to
expand the holodecks throughout Voyager. But as he looked on, the crew
began to emerge, one after another, some in groups, reclaiming what
was theirs - their ship, their humanity, their strength. He smiled
slightly, the ache of loss lightening in the face of their victory.

(flash)

Chakotay's hand moved slowly to touch the soft skin of her cheek,
turned alabaster in the starlight. Some sense of wonder pervaded his
senses as time suspended itself and they joined hands, heads tilting
toward each other for a simple kiss, light and quick, then a warm
embrace - all for only the stars to see. His heart warmed, knowing
that although she was not for him, and he not for her, Kathryn would
always be one of his closest friends and confidantes. They turned to
look out the portal in the Ready Room, watching the starstuff slip by
them, looking into eternity, content with the strength of each others'
hearts.

(flash)

Chakotay moved through the simulation, his training taking over as he
faced the programmed threat with swift moves and counterattacks. The
computer beeped as he finished successfully, and he glanced to the
side, receiving a raised eyebrow and nod from Tuvok, and...was that
the ghost of a smile? Chakotay grinned as he received his higher
certification in self-defense, his eyes dancing as they met Tuvok's
dark eyes, sinking into their warmth, the moment frozen in time.

---

Chakotay twitches a bit, shivering, and awakes.

---

Tuvok sits sprawled on the floor in the darkness, watching Chakotay
sleep and dream as his body curls near the wall, absently floating
among the warm emotions emanating to him. A small detached part of him
wonders how Chakotay can dream so peacefully. Such a contrast to the
haunted man of waking time...the walking ghost of who he had been,
tortured by his own mind and actions.

His eyes close momentarily to ward off his emotional reaction to the
sudden cutting pain, shutting away the reflex only seconds too late as
dread curls in his stomach. Knowing no one is watching, Tuvok wraps
his arms about his midsection, breathing deeply, trying to focus his
mind on warding off the sickening feeling - the memory of violation.
He is unsuccessful.

Even as he breathes, he can feel the room closing in, the darkness
trying to swallow him, pulling him physically closer to Chakotay, his
body powerless to resist. Tuvok draws in a sharp breath and again
closes his eyes, fighting vertigo. When he reopens them, he flinches
to see himself crawling toward Chakotay's side, the sleeping man now
awake, looking up at him through sleepy eyes, eyes for only swift
moments clear of the haunting pain...but they begin to cloud. Tuvok
watches the pain reawaken in Chakotay, watches it reassert its hold on
the man, breaking his confidence and security.

Chakotay opens his eyes to see Tuvok flinch as he sits near him, and
the bile rises in his throat, the burning begins again in his chest.
Guilt sits heavily on his sternum, making every breath a struggle,
every breath painful. His eyes cloud with darkness, filtering the
starlight.

Tuvok strains to control his emotions, the pain of his rape crying
inside his mind, the guilt at his failure clawing at his throat, the
raging turmoil burning in his gut, the turgid heat pooling between his
legs...all hallmark of the new vicious link stretching tenuously
between himself and Chakotay. The man he had tried to help, only to
abuse.

Chakotay swallows, returning the burning feeling to his stomach. He
watches the play of emotion through Tuvok's stony eyes, seeing the
affect he has on him. For a moment he feels displaced, wavering out of
himself, and he jerks as though he can feel the constriction of
Tuvok's chest, the pain that aches there. He blinks and in a quiet
rush flies back into his mind. His eyes widen and he looks at Tuvok
with a question, some kind of surprised horror rising there at what he
had done to the man who tried to help him.

Tuvok looks back at him, knowing he can't shield that emotion from
Chakotay. To do so would only damage them both further, some quiet,
detached part of him counsels. With a breath of angry resolution, he
loosens his hold on the feelings raging through him, pushing them
through the bastard bond to Chakotay as his hand touches Chakotay's
arm with flashing heat....and he feels as if he is jumping off into
the blind, dark chasm.

Chakotay flinches then, as the flash of heat sears through his arm
where Tuvok touches him, and suddenly - he knows. He feels. And the
horizon opens as their thoughts and emotions war together.

Chakotay cries aloud inside, realizing again just what he has done. He
attacked Tuvok - pushing all the violent emotions of lust and wanting
upon him during that brief meeting of minds. He dragged Tuvok into his
own nightmares, selfishly punishing him, raping him of his own
singularity. He can feel the confusion curling dark and sharp in
Tuvok's mind. He swallows, tasting the sense of guilt and failure that
preys upon the dark Vulcan. His body clenches as he could lives the
reeling surprise at the violation of his mind, the loss of control. He
suffers the pain of lust forced upon him, the insidious pleasure
coursing through him like a forbidden drug, and the foreignness of
this hot, searing wanting.

The wanting.

Chakotay stops still, his whole mind focusing on that one revelation.
The wanting. The strange feel of it, the hiss of its tendrils wrapping
about him. Feeling the oddity of it among other suppressed emotions,
taking control. He can feel it rushing through his veins, feel it as
it sublimates all other thoughts and emotions. He can feel it sucking
away his control - and then he knows.

This is how Tuvok feels.

The moment stills, both of them still in their shock, Chakotay feeling
Tuvok's horror at his loss of control, Tuvok feeling Chakotay's
confusion and loss of self. They cannot pull away as minutes passed,
Chakotay trying to withdraw into himself, yet Tuvok will not let go.
Finally, as their minds struggle to pull apart and be separate again,
a harsh sound echoes in the room.

"I raped you."

The men look at each other, the pain searing through them, the words
torn from both raw throats simultaneously, echoing each other. The
words float sour in the air, the warmth of the room oppressive.

Finally Tuvok summons strength from somewhere deep within himself,
trying to admit what was most painful to him, to let it out, to study
it distractedly. To release the pain the cut away inside him. "No -
I...lost control."

Chakotay flinches. "The hell with that - I abused you." He jerks away,
retreating back against the wall.

Tuvok takes another breath, shifting his balance when Chakotay moves.
"I was trying to assist you."

Chakotay's mouth curls down at one corner. "And I took advantage of
you."

Tuvok ever so slowly shakes his head back and forth. "I was..." he
stops, unable to articulate.

A ragged release of breath filled the room. "...trying to help me. I
know..." comes the quiet admission.

Tuvok looks up, trying to shield and swallow the confusion that fills
his hollow mind, yet there is not enough space for him to wrap around
it and understand it.

Chakotay's chest aches as he watches the Vulcan try to understand.

Tuvok shakes his head. "I should have been fine. It was a
simple...exercise."

Chakotay shakes his head in disagreement.

Tuvok folds his arms as he remains kneeling. "I am not subject to
carnal desire and wanting." he nearly whispers. "I am bonded, I am
secure."

"I am bonded, I am secure."

"I am bonded, I am secure."

"Tuvok - stop it!"

Tuvok breaks out of his trance, looking up at Chakotay, a wounded hurt
appearing in his eyes, naked.

"Tuvok..." Chakotay shifts to lean against the wall. "You had no idea
that...I harbored such feelings." His hands cover his face for a
moment, wondering where the fear had gone. Now he only feels empty.
"You were understandably surprised."

Tuvok continue to look at him, almost vacantly.

"Tuvok, just listen..look at me. Please."

Tuvok blinks and focuses on Chakotay's haggard face, head tilting a
bit. He pulls the tattered shreds of his control about him.

Chakotay looks at Tuvok. "I hurt you, I know."

Tuvok freezes for a moment, warring against his instinctual answer
before whispering, "Yes."

Chakotay releases his pent-up breath, somehow relaxed by that
admission. "I know it won't help, but I apologize."

Tuvok does not reply, sorting through what he feels about this. He was
not physically harmed - indeed, nothing physical had occurred. It was
all in their heads. The motions, the movements, the searing passion
that still echoed between them.

Hands lifting to sit upon his knees, Chakotay watches the man only a
few feet away, the hot liquid pool of wanting settling upon him once
again as he looks over his body. Chakotay closes his eyes against it,
and says, "I want you. I still want you."

Tuvok shakes his head slightly. "I do not understand." he murmurs
lightly.

Chakotay opens his eyes, trying to push away the anger. "By the
Spirits, Tuvok! I want you. It's simple. Want. Lust. I want to possess
you, over and over..." he stops where he had crawled over to the
Vulcan, their eyes meeting.

Tuvok holds his breath, remaining still, his control over his body not
reaching his eyes, which flashes both with remembered passion and
confused pain.

"Tuvok - you can't tell me you don't know what it feels like. Didn't
you ever want your wife? You went through Pon Farr..." he whispers
darkly.

Tuvok nods. "Yes...Pon Farr. The lust is so burning that it will
consume you from inside lest it is quenched, over and over. Yes - I
felt that passion for my wife." he replies.

Chakotay nods, rejecting any semblance of pride. "And so I want you."

Tuvok meets Chakotay's eyes, and some time passes before he can pull
together a coherent answer from the flurry of warring emotion and
discipline. "Before I would have said it is illogical." he murmurs. "I
can no longer discern what is your feeling and what is mine. It is all
too...much." he drops his head. "I...must meditate..."

"Tuvok - please, we have to talk about this...what I did to you..."
Chakotay's voice turns almost desperate. "What I did to you was in my
mind. You were drawn in - I forced myself on you in our minds...I
couldn't..." Chakotay swallows and continues, his voice thick with
guilt, "I couldn't help myself. I've wanted you for so long."

Tuvok opens his eyes to look at Chakotay's tortured eyes. "I did not
want you."

The words echo in the silent room as Chakotay's chest burns with the
guilt that cuts straight through his abdomen, a physical pain
deflating what passion had pooled there.

Tuvok repeats, "I did not want you."

Chakotay crumbles, his arms supporting his head on the floor where he
kneels, sorrow rising to close his throat.

Tuvok whispers again, "I did not want you."

He wars with the compassion that flares within him - the compassion
and knowledge of his mental power that got him into this mess to begin
with. His...ego. His ego which told him he could help Chakotay with
his problems. His ego that told him he could easily resist and conquer
the emotions that tore so openly through the officer curled on the
floor next to him.

Chakotay's mind closes upon itself, having faced the harsh reality
that what had consumed him, what had filled him with such mind-searing
pleasure, would never be possible. Rejection consumes him.

Tuvok stands woodenly, automatically pulling at his uniform. He stares
out the viewport, lost deep in thoughts of self-preservation and
guilt. Tuvok realizes, out of nowhere, a fact he had refused to see
before...that this predicament wasn't Chakotay's fault alone. His own
ego had led to the rape of his mind. He wonders absently, why he had
allowed it. Why he had allowed himself to be possessed. Why he had
allowed himself to sink into the roiling emotion - actions so totally
unlike a Vulcan, so totally against his training. His thoughts,
running in circles, suddenly scurry and stop at an empty hole. An
empty hole of loneliness. He draws a swift breath. Lonely.

Alone.

Tuvok's eyes close damp. His bonded - so far away - practically gone.
His bond nurtured only through meditation and force of will...no echo
of her mind remained. He had not allowed himself to admit that their
bond had strained to the point of breaking. That it was, for all
purposes, broken. That he was separated from his mate's calming
influence. That he would likely never feel her again in his mind. The
gaping wound of separation grows now that it is recognized.

A breath rattles through his chest as Tuvok realizes he had stopped
breathing. Surprise rushes through him. "I want to live." Tuvok
realizes silently. His admittance leads on. "I ...I allowed this to
happen." His stunned intellect takes a back seat to the war of
emotions. "Could I have brought this upon myself? Did I want it?" he
shakes his head.

He doesn't know what he wants. But he wants something, and the chance
to help someone gives him the chance to be of use, to be needed.
Needed. Wanted. His resolve collapses.

Tuvok whispers. "I wanted to be wanted."

Chakotay barely looks up at the new words. "What?" he grates.

"I wanted to be wanted." Tuvok's admission floods him with learned
guilt, but he pushes it away. "I didn't want you - I wanted to be
wanted. I...allowed it to happen because I wanted to be wanted."

Chakotay stares at him, stunned at the words. "But...you're bonded."

Tuvok shakes his head slowly. "It has not been sufficient for some
time. Vulcans suppress emotion. We are not totally without it."

Chakotay shakes his head again. "I don't understand."

Tuvok looks at Chakotay intently. "Neither do I."

He stands stiffly. "Tuvok, you can't take blame in this."

Tuvok closes his eyes. "I am not speaking of blame. I speak of want.
Of need."

"Tuvok, I'm sorry - it just doesn't make any sense. I'm the one here
who wants..."

"Chakotay."

Surprised by the sound of his name, Chakotay looks to Tuvok, seeing
some measure of calm settling on the Vulcan's face.

"I tried to help you, because I wanted to be wanted. That led to
our...indiscretion."

A bubble of laughter threatens to escape Chakotay's throat.
"Indiscretion?"

Tuvok shrugs.

Chakotay moves closer, and closer yet, standing behind the Vulcan,
finally grasping Tuvok's shoulders. "You call that...violent,
passionate mental...rape...an indiscretion?" he murmurs, voice
unbelieving.

"I no longer call it rape." Tuvok responds quietly, not moving away
from Chakotay.

Chakotay's head tilts. "No longer." he repeats.

"There is no doubt, it was a violation. But I would not call it rape.
I...took part."

"Took part..." Chakotay breathes, his breath hot upon the back of
Tuvok's neck. Shivers pass through Tuvok's body, barely suppressed.

Tuvok takes a sharp breath. "I am your counselor."

"Not anymore." Chakotay replies sharply, hard decision shooting steel
through his voice.

Tuvok turns his head a bit. "What do you mean?"

"We're in this together now - both of us. Forget how we got here - but
we're here now. And you're not my counselor. Not anymore." Chakotay
relays softly, a near growl rousing in his throat.

Tuvok nods. "That is probably for the best. Someone else will provide
more adept counseling. I...will remove myself from the case."

"No. You won't."

Tuvok frowns slightly. "Chakotay."

"You're not going anywhere. We're going to work this out, damnit.
Whether you accept it or not." Chakotay's hands smooth down each of
Tuvok's arms before returning to his shoulders.

"This should not continue." Tuvok states quietly.

"Probably not." Chakotay accedes. "But it's going to."

Tuvok turns about quickly, only the meet the steely resolve in
Chakotay's eyes. Confusion rears again.

Chakotay moves his hands to Tuvok's chest, removing the communicator
and tossing it aside. He removes his own as well, discarding it in
similar fashion.

Tuvok watches. "Chakotay - what are you doing?" he asks quietly,
although his discipline and control scream at him to remove himself.

Chakotay looks to him, and pulls the Vulcan against him roughly as he
whispers, "You said you didn't want me. Past tense....you also said
you want to be wanted."

Tuvok echoes, "..want to be wanted..." at a whisper.

"Yes, Tuvok." Chakotay answers at a low growl. "I want you. I've
wanted you for a long, long time...I've wanted to sit and talk with
you about quantum physics the night through...I've wanted your
acceptance on the bridge...I've wanted your approval in
training...I've wanted to take your body quick and hard against the
wall of a freighter..." his whispers grew harsh. "I want you. Isn't
that what you want?"

Tuvok shudders against Chakotay. "I do not want your passion." he
manages to murmur.

Chakotay grasps Tuvok between the legs, feeling the Vulcan's swollen
cock. "The hell you don't." he murmurs in return, pushing himself
against Tuvok's side, the rough contact increasing the rush of heat to
his groin. "I want you, Tuvok. That's what you said you wanted," he
repeats thickly.

Tuvok takes another breath, trying desperately to control himself. "I
want to be wanted...but this..."

"You can't control this, Tuvok. You have to let it happen. You want to
be wanted. Well, here I am." Chakotay cuts in harshly. "Why can't we
both be satisfied?" His hands move over Tuvok's erection, kneading
through the cloth.

Tuvok shakes his head. "This isn't..proper...I am Vulcan." he
struggles against the conflicting impulses - to accept being wanted -
yet that warred with every bit of Vulcan training he had learned,
every bit of poise and decorum.

"This isn't in your mind, Tuvok. This is real." Chakotay says. He
feels the restrained strength in the Vulcan's body, and it sears him
with heat. Pushing away what happened before, he could taste the
growing wanting. "You're not my counselor anymore."

Tuvok looks at Chakotay, meeting his eyes, his hands meeting
Chakotay's hands and stilling them. "This isn't right." he forces
through his teeth.

Chakotay wavers, his face fierce. "What's the matter, Tuvok? You want
to be wanted...but not by me? Or not by a man?"

Tuvok flinches. "That is irrelevant."

Chakotay sidles against Tuvok, grinding their erections together. "Is
it?" he hisses in Tuvok's ear. "Tell me - why is this wrong?"

Tuvok draws a hissing breath as sparks shoot through him, the pain in
his groin growing more distracting. "I...." the words won't come...he
can't articulate. Why is this wrong? he asks himself again, and years
of control echo back to him from far away. He shivers.

"Tuvok..." Chakotay whispers in his ear, hands pressing against his
chest, barely resisting clawing at the seams. "Tuvok - tell me....tell
me."

Tuvok looks to Chakotay, seeing the pain there. "It isn't...right..."
is all he can articulate...but his hands move of their own volition,
raising up Chakotay's arms. "You want me..." he whispers, voice bare
and strained.

"Yes." Chakotay replies, "Yes...I want you - in so many ways."

Tuvok shakes his head. "I don't understand." he nearly moans.

"By the Spirits!" Chakotay swears harshly. "What is there not to
understand? I want YOU. Your body. Your mind. Your strength. Your
spirit. Your conviction." he growls. "It's all I know anymore. When
Kathryn assigned you as my counselor - I was both thrilled and crushed
- thrilled that I would spend time with you - crushed that you would
see this as an "official" action!" Chakotay shakes Tuvok slightly by
the shoulders. "What don't you get about it?"

Tuvok stares at him. "The...depth...of your emotion..." he whispers,
swallowing, looking so lost. "I cannot fathom it."

Chakotay stands still. "Tuvok.." he shakes his head. "Don't...don't
try to understand...don't make me force myself upon you...again." he
whispers, the heat flaring in his eyes. "You feel it, don't you. Don't
you?" he nearly begs in a harsh, strangled voice.

Tuvok tries to take stock of the whirling feelings flashing through
his body...and against all judgment, against all sense...nods. "Yes.
I...feel it." he reveals nearly soundlessly.

At that, Chakotay pushes Tuvok against the wall, holding him by the
shoulders, his body fully against the Vulcan's. His mouth pushing at
Tuvok's, his tongue invading Tuvok's lips, the hot damp sears even
Tuvok's warmer skin. Tuvok struggles somewhat half-heartedly, at war
within himself as much as against Chakotay.

Chakotay sinks against Tuvok's body, hands tearing at the seams of his
jacket, pulling it open and dragging it down his arms, throwing it to
the floor. His fingers pull the undershirt from Tuvok's trousers, and
splay against the heated skin underneath, grasping. He grinds himself
against Tuvok, their erections straining and hard. "Tuvok," he murmurs
as he pulls his mouth away to bite at his neck. "I want you."

A shudder wracks through the Vulcan as his mind tries to match his
thoughts with his feelings - and those words from Chakotay just shake
him to the core. His mind screams about the loss of control, but his
body, engulfed with the burning wanting, reacts by itself. His hands
move to pull at Chakotay's shirt, tearing it open and pushing it to
the floor, hands gripping the cool skin of his chest and shoulders as
Chakotay's damp mouth leaves a burning trail down his neck and chest.
He shudders again, his nipples tauten as Chakotay's tongue lathes
them, turning to tight nubs in physical reaction to the stimulus.

Chakotay's breaths come faster and his groin tightens with the pain of
his erection. He reaches down to free his cock, letting his loose
trousers fall to his ankles, and grips himself, groaning. He reaches
to Tuvok, unfastening the Vulcan's trousers and pushing them down
quickly, moving to grip the Vulcan's slim, dark hips. "Tuvok.." he
whispers harshly as he turns the Vulcan to face the wall, "I want
you..." he repeats, feeling the shudder wrack the Vulcan's frame.

Tuvok's breaths come hard, and he is momentarily stilled as Chakotay
turns him against the wall. But those words sounds again, and echo
through him, turning him wild..."I want you...I want you..." He
shudders, his heated cock pressing against the cool wall, and his
pushes his hips out, into Chakotay's hands, reacting mindlessly,
control and logic lost in this maelstrom. One last thought of reality
echoes in his mind..."This isn't right..." but he ruthlessly shuts it
away as he crumbles, succumbing to the wash of Chakotay's desire
through his body.

Chakotay sucks on his fingers, coating them with saliva, and moves to
spread Tuvok's ass. He pushes into the Vulcan, as slowly as he can
stand, feeling the muscles strain against him and the tenseness invade
Tuvok's back. His fingers pass through, and he begins working them in
and out, trying somehow to make this work quickly. He leans forward,
kissing and biting Tuvok's neck. "I want you, Tuvok!" he says loudly.

The words pass through Tuvok like lightning, and he shakes again, his
muscles loosening to let Chakotay's invasion through. The feeling of
those fingers just overwhelms him, the crashing waves of passion
sapping resistance, the press of his cock against the wall growing
unbearable. His lips cannot form words and he moans, desperately.

Chakotay hears those moans, and the jolt almost forces him to burst
right there...but he resists, gripping Tuvok's body harshly. He spits
into his hand, twice, slathering the saliva on his swollen cock,
shuddering at the feeling as he strongly strokes himself. Then he
moves against Tuvok, pushing his cock into him, some piece of himself
urging him to go slowly, the rest of his body screaming at him to
pound into the firm ass he has penetrated. He cries aloud softly, the
feeling of his cock clasped so tightly in Tuvok's ass just driving him
wild. "Tuvok...I want you..."

Tuvok leans against the wall, overwhelmed with waves of feeling
coursing through him, the feeling of being filled somehow completing
that empty hole - he feels overfull but wants more, so much more...and
groans...pushing himself back onto Chakotay's cock. He hears
Chakotay's choked gasp and pushes further, desiring the feeling of
being filled - wanting...wanting..."I want..." he raggedly moans.

Chakotay chokes through a gasp as Tuvok pushes back, pulling
Chakotay's cock deeper within him till he holds all of him, to the
swollen balls. With a growl Chakotay reaches around to grasps Tuvok's
cock and starts stroking him hard as he pulls his own cock out of
Tuvok's tight hole, and then, with gasping breaths, rams home. Tuvok's
cry aloud only encourages him, the burning about his cock and the firm
cock in his hand arousing him even more. He pushes in and out of
Tuvok's ass, one hand grasping the Vulcan's hip, the other pulling on
his lover. He moves harder and faster, his hips beating into Tuvok's.

Tuvok hears the cry wrenched from his own lips and cannot understand
it. He only understands that he must have more. Chakotay's words echo
through him, consuming doubts, for now...and he gives himself over to
the animal passion. He reaches down and grasps his own cock, pushing
away Chakotay's hand, and strokes himself harder, faster, feeling that
burning buzz of orgasm building in his groin.

Chakotay moves his hand to Tuvok's hip, holding him on both sides, and
pushes harder, his thrusts into Tuvok's ass coming faster, even with
his breaths, feeling the burn in his cock grow and overwhelm him. The
edge comes too fast, and Chakotay cannot stop, he only thrusts faster,
their violent actions beating Tuvok's shoulders into the wall, and he
cries his words of want aloud once again as his cock bursts, filling
Tuvok with hot come in spurts, his thrusts continuing.

Tuvok leans against the wall, one arm bracing himself against
Chakotay's violently strong thrusts, the other hand jerking his own
cock. He hears those words cried one last time - desperately - as
Chakotay explodes into him - the feeling of wet invading his ass,
pushing in over and over. The words echo in his head and he comes hard
as well, his hand jerking his wet cock against the wall, the ejaculate
splattering back against him as he comes hard, over and over, arching
his back against Chakotay's hard body.

They slump almost immediately, kneeling to the floor before they fall.
Chakotay's cock slips from Tuvok's ass, leaving him empty but for the
silky wet come that trickles over the heated skin of his ass. A breath
shudders through Tuvok's body as the passion flees, leaving him cold.
Cold, empty...and alone.

Chakotay focuses on breathing, nearly mindless, hands still grasping
Tuvok's body. Tiredly he pulls the body against him, resting his head
on the floor in exhaustion.

Shivers soon wrack Tuvok's body as he realizes what he has done...what
he has participated in. The breaths move hollow in his chest as he
tries to reconcile his actions. His eyes close tightly in pain and
self-loathing at his loss of control over selfish wanting. "It's not
right..." he whispers.

Chakotay whispers in return, "I want you..." before losing
consciousness.

Tuvok stiffens, the words echoing like clanging, dissonant bells in
his ears.

He slowly pulls himself up, and stands, pulling his clothes about him.
He looks down at Chakotay as he closes his jacket, and he can feel
Chakotay's come slickly running down the backs of his thighs. He turns
and moves to the viewport, and stands, arms clasped behind him,
staring at his stony visage in the glass. Then his eyes close, and he
slowly lowers his forehead against the cool surface. Moments pass and
his breaths hitch, his face clenches, and he refuses to look as
emotion once again claims him, silent, dry grief tearing at his throat
as he sinks to his knees.

The moment slows as Tuvok grieves... grieves for the loss of his
control.

---

continued in the fourth story in the Dark Waters series 'Playing All Sides against The End