The BLTS Archive - The Sarah Vignettes: Circles
by Sileya (sileyathesultry@gmail.com)

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Disclaimers: All hail mighty Paramount. They own it all, I just aspire
to. The inspiration for this vignette was the song "Circles" by Sarah
McLachlan. She owns the lyrics, I just stuck most of them in some sort
of order in here.

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Chakotay stands on the bridge, watching and barely listening as Tom
Paris gives his Conn report in a dull monotone. "It's a wonder he'll
speak to me at all," Chakotay thinks. The report continues, not at all
enlightening.

Tom speaks on, not caring much for what he's doing. "Gods I feel
trapped... I can't get away from him. It's the two of us, talking in
circles."

"One of us wants to leave... but is it him, or me?" Chakotay thinks,
eyes boring into the back of Tom's head.

Tom finishes his report, falling silent, immediately thinking back to
the beginning of their love affair. "It seemed like a world created
for only us... it was so wonderful. Now... I'm in an empty cage with
no key. He's left me... but won't let me go."

Chakotay sits fuming silently. "You'd think we'd be able to work
together. Can't he get the idea? It's not like we vowed flesh and
blood forever!"

Tom sighs maddeningly. "I can feel his jealousy... carving chunks out
of me from behind. Well, he's too late. After all the crawling I
did... the begging... I'm done. It's smothering me and I'm not going
to stand for it!" His fist clenches on the Conn.

Chakotay stares blindly at Tom, thought whirling. "What kind of love
is this that keeps me hanging on to him... despite everything it's
doing to me? He doesn't love me... but I can't get over him. What is
it about him that keeps me coming back for more? I'm so miserable. It
can't end this way."

Tom vows silently to himself. "I know too many people, myself
included, who have been unhappy in life and would have loved the
chance to flee. I've seen others get everything they ever wanted
offered to them... why not for me?"

Chakotay closes his eyes, calling upon his totem and family spirits
for help and guidance. "Oh..my brother, my sister, my mother... help
me... I'm losing my identity. I don't know who I am without him." He
opens his eyes to see Tom's blond head. 'Don't you know..." he begs
Tom silently. "It's you in the window of my soul... shining with
intensity."

Tom looks down at his hands, totally distracted by his thoughts. "What
kind of love is this that keep me hanging on to him... despite
everything it's doing to me?" His thoughts wander back to their
passionate lovemaking, and the feeling of comfort afforded him by his
strong lover. "What kind of love is it that keeps me coming back for
more... when it will only end in misery?" Tom sighs.

Mercifully, the shift ends. Unmercifully, Tom and Chakotay end up in
the turbolift together, alone, the door shutting as they both look up
to each other with stricken eyes.

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The End