The BLTS Archive- Bonded
second in The Stranded Universe series
by Sigrid (sigridthehaughty@yahoo.com)

---

Disclaimer: The story is mine (including presentation of concept,
dialogue, original characters, if any, over-the-top melodrama, not to
mention SPDs (stupid plot devices)), but all things Trek are
Paramount's. Not for profit, no infringement of copyright intended.
Warning: Consider this a schmoop alert. (SCHMOOP!)   Thanks go to:
Raku and Carolyn for their insight and commentary. And to Pam, who
transformed herself into the Red Pen Dominatrix, just for me.

Note: Killeys are small, silver, salt-water fish that grow to about
1.5 inches. At least, that's what we called them.

First posted to ASCEM (alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated) on
2/20/00

----
Day 1 - Tuvok
----

Seemingly, my mate is not easy to awaken. I am accustomed to rising
early and meditating before I eat and begin my shift. Apparently Tom
is accustomed to sleeping to the last possible second. My attempts to
rouse him were met with complaints. I caught the stray thought that
being asleep is preferable to being awake.

I offered to show him differently.

He opened one eye and looked at me speculatively. And then I was
dragged into the shower with him. I reminded him that we both showered
yesterday, upon our return. He seemed to feel that this was not the
point. And when he began to soap my body for me I conceded the merits
of his position.

The experience was most satisfactory, although the waste of water
rations was of some concern. He did not think much of this argument
and accused me of attempting to 'spoil the mood.'

I fear I am going to be tempted to spoil him. This is a thought he
seems to find very satisfying.

Our morning was companionable, although I sensed from Tom that he felt
as if there was a slight air of unreality about our circumstances.  Do
humans often disbelieve the truth of their own senses?  Meanwhile, I
did not find the opportunity to meditate. Instead, we shared our bond.
It was not until we were ready to leave his quarters that I felt a
wave of anxiety wash over him.

---
Day 1 - Tom
----

The morning was perfect. Awaking from a dream- come-true to find
you're not dreaming is an experience I've never had before. But I was
awake and Tuvok was there and his manner towards me was... indulgent?
And affectionate. And passionate.

I had worried that perhaps he wouldn't care for physical expressions
of affection but for now, at least, he's willing to humor me. I knew
that he had some meditation ahead of him before the emotions stirred
up by his Pon farr are under control, but I'll gladly take advantage
of the situation while I can. He seemed more than willing to accept
everything about me, including my desire to climb into his uniform
with him  He remarked that it would be a tight fit.

Gods. I really think I may love this man.

And then, as we were about to move out the door, it hit me. What would
the crew think when they found out Tuvok had bonded with me? I'd
actually won some sympathy points after meriting the title of 'The
Year's Most Dumped.' And now...

Now I was the officer who had slept with half the crew ---an
exaggeration, but not much of one ---not to mention half the senior
staff. I only had the captain, Neelix, and the doctor to cross off my
list. And Seven. But heck, she wasn't officially a member of the
senior staff.

Tom Paris, ship's slut.

Intellectually I knew that Tuvok didn't consider this worth noting, at
least in terms of how he perceived me. And that he was more than
capable of handling anything that comes his way. But I don't want his
reputation to be tainted by mine.

Well, staff meetings promised to be a load of laughs...

I looked up to see Tuvok watching me carefully.  "Am I to understand
that you have reconsidered and no longer wish to remain my bondmate?"

I wondered why he was speaking aloud, then realized I'd shut myself
off.

I sighed and opened up the link and felt his concern and... hurt? I've
wounded Tuvok's feelings?

I leapt to reassure him and only then did I feel the humor he is
hiding.  The man was guilt-tripping me. He raised an eyebrow and
smugly suggested his ruse was successful.

A smug Vulcan. Gods.

I sent him an image of me tackling him to the ground. He sent me an
image in which he easily bested me.

The image of us wrestling on the floor was very, very appealing...

"We must eat," he admonished.

By the time we reached the mess hall we had agreed to keep our
relationship quiet for a bit longer. No one made note of the fact that
we ate together, silently, or that, as he bussed our trays, he let two
fingers brush against mine.

I actually let go of my nervousness for a bit and instead took
pleasure in having a secret. I only hoped that I could make Tuvok
happy or... Well whatever the equivalent of happy is for a Vulcan.

---
Day 1 - Tuvok
---

Tom is quite adept at blocking his thoughts from me; while on the
turbolift to the bridge, he surprised me with a kiss.

I mock-frowned at the breach of protocol and found that it only
stiffened his resolve to kiss me in public whenever he thinks he can
get away with it. This seems to be at odds with his desire that the
crew not find out the true nature of our relationship.

However, despite this inconsistency, I was not entirely displeased
with this turn of events or the return of his playfulness. I sensed
that he was worried about his 'appropriateness' as a Vulcan mate.

The captain greeted us equably and Tom took his station, avoiding
Commander Chakotay's gaze. Ensign Kim smiled hesitantly at Tom and Tom
smiled back.

I spent a moment in contemplation. Ensign Kim, while seemingly
committed to Seven, had given every indication of being... grieved...
over the end of his friendship with Tom. Tom would need friends, and
perhaps in light of our bonding, he would be able to resume that
friendship. It was apparent from our meld how much that friendship had
meant to him and that, despite the betrayal, Tom still had a reservoir
of affection for the ensign.

I turned to find the captain gazing at me and I could see the question
in her eyes. I nodded slightly before I turn back to tactical.  Our
first day on Voyager as newly bonded mates had begun. Despite the fact
that there were still many matters left unresolved, I felt a sense of
satisfaction.

"Mr. Tuvok, may I see you in my ready-room?"

Tom stiffened at the captain's question and I sent reassurance his
way. He relaxed somewhat, then concentrated fully on manning the helm.
He knew the topic I would be broaching with her, and felt somewhat
uneasy about it. I sensed him wishing that today's flight plan held
something in store to distract him, but the day promised to be
uneventful.  I mentally asked him what would serve as an appropriate
level of distraction. Something worse than the Kazon but not as bad as
the Borg was his answer. I was amused to find that he was, on some
level, serious.

Reproachfully I asked him whether that would be fair to the rest of
the crew.

He snorted with mild laughter and then nervously rubbed the back of
his neck as the attention of everyone on the bridge focused in on him.
He could feel their curiosity.

I left him with the thought that it served him right. Mentally he
stuck his tongue out at me.

I must meditate on my inclination to turn that image into something
sexual. Such thoughts are not appropriate to the bridge. Nor, in fact,
was the entire conversation. We will need to set some boundaries.

~ Yes, dear. ~

~ Tom... ~

~ Yes, dear? ~

I found the exchange... amusing.

When I reach the captain's ready room she sat on the couch and
indicated I should sit beside her.

---
Day 1 - Captain Janeway
---

I looked at Tuvok for a long moment. "I take it that you two have...
worked things out?"

"Yes, Captain. Tom has decided to continue his bond with me."

"And Chakotay...?"

"The commander visited Tom yesterday in his quarters and indicated he
wished to discuss their relationship. Tom declined to do so. At this
point, the commander is unaware that my own relationship with Tom
has... changed."

"And how." I closed my eyes briefly. The Delta Quadrant was full of
surprises. But this was something that I never, in a million years,
would have predicted.

"Captain, there is another matter which I should bring to your
attention."

Now what, I couldn't help but think. Well, it couldn't be any more
surprising than Tom Paris becoming Tuvok's bondmate.

"Mr. Paris is, apparently, an empath."

I was wrong. Tom an empath? I think I can safely say that I goggled at
Tuvok. Taking note of this once-in-a-lifetime event was something
Tuvok did not deign to do.

"While I have been unable, as of yet, to ascertain the depth of his
ability, I am certain that it manifested himself in early childhood.
Unfortunately, his homelife was such that instinctively suppressing
such an ability was... necessary."

My stomach twisted in sympathy. I'd heard bits and pieces about Tom's
relationship with his father ---it was enough to account for his low
self-esteem. Add this to the mix and it was a wonder he had any.

"Unfortunately, subsequent events only served to reinforce his
inclination to suppress his talents. It appears that actively
participating in our telepathic bond interferes with his ability to
shut out the emotions of others. Something at which he did not quite
achieve complete success, I might add. There is likely to be a...
period of adjustment."

Period of adjustment. Trying, at thirty plus years, to come to terms
with your empathic skills ---yes that would take some adjusting. How
had Starfleet psyche profiles missed this little gem?

"And do you feel that you will be successful in helping him through
this?" I ask.

"I will endeavor to, Captain."

"It would be an advantage, having an empath..." I stopped, berating
myself for the selfish thought.

"Indeed captain. However, I would caution you that it may be somewhat
difficult to... convince Mr. Paris to actively use these abilities.
And, again, I am not sure how skilled he can become considering that
his talent has long gone unrecognized and untrained."  Only logical.
"Right."

"Captain."

Something in Tuvok's voice indicated that he was treading cautiously.

"While you may not... approve of my bond with Mr. Paris, it would be
helpful if, in his presence, you are able to summon up... neutral
thoughts."

An entire ship full of people thinking 'what the hell?' was probably
going to do a number on Tom.

"I trust your judgment implicitly Tuvok. And... I will do my best." To
be truthful, I didn't really disapprove. I was more stunned than
anything else. But then, I had some stunning news of my own that I
hadn't yet shared. All the more reason to be sympathetic to Tom and
Tuvok's situation.

The rest of Tuvok's conversation involved limiting Tom's contact with
others until his shields were sufficient. Moving Tuvok, Ensign Lang,
and Tom to delta shift made sense, but his request that Harry Kim and
Seven be reassigned surprised me. Apparently Tuvok feels that Tom
might be able to resume his friendship with Harry, and that, moreover,
it would be an excellent thing for Tom.

I hoped that it was possible. And I hoped that the next few weeks
wouldn't be too tough on Tom.

---
Day 1 - Tom
---

Tuvok related his conversation with the captain to me and that she had
agreed to reassign us both to the delta shift. I finally admitted that
I didn't really like that idea ---that it felt like a demotion. Tuvok
waited for me to talk myself out of that. And then I realized that I
have the perfect opportunity to tease him.

~ You just want me all to yourself, don't you? ~

~ Indeed, t'hy'la. I cannot resist you. ~

Oops.

The dry comment had me snorting with laughter for the second time that
shift for no apparent reason that anyone else could see. Only this
time, I couldn't resist looking over my shoulder to meet my mate's
eyes. His gaze was warm, but as I turned back to the helm, I caught
Chakotay looking at me speculatively.

Fuck. He knew something is up. I felt something like anger roll off of
him.

~ I am here, t'hy'la. ~

I relaxed and let Tuvok enclose me behind his own shields. Instead of
resenting the fact that we were flying through uninhabited, uneventful
space, I was suddenly grateful. While it was a relief to not feel
Chakotay's emotions in addition to my own, being 'inside' Tuvok, so to
speak, didn't make for an ideal piloting situation. After a short
time, I was able to forego that safety and concentrate fully on the
task at hand.

~ Do you see the wisdom of the shift change? ~

I turned his favorite word back on him. ~ Indeed. ~

The warmth of his regard was like a balm.

We could make this work.

---
Day 1 - Chakotay
---

I wasn't certain what was going on between Tom and Tuvok ---I only
knew that I needed to have that conversation that Tom wasn't ready to
have last night. When the shift ended, I stepped forward. I'd waited
years to act on my attraction to Paris, and then convinced myself a
relationship with him would never work, that it would be better to end
it before it went too far. So I had ended it.

"Lieutenant, may I speak with you?" I shouldn't really have made it
seem as if I needed to discuss ship's business with him, but I didn't
want to put the conversation off for too long.

"Certainly, commander," Tom replied. And then he glanced from me to
Tuvok and suddenly I began to get an idea I didn't think I liked.
Tuvok had barely left Tom's side since they returned from the planet.

Now why could that be, I wondered? Part of the reason why I had ended
it was because Tom never seemed to stay with anyone for long. It sure
didn't take the man long to move on to greener pastures. Literally.
Tom looked unwilling, his feet practically dragging as he followed me
to my office. Tuvok watched us go, his face impassive. It was the
captain's look of concern that confirmed it for me.

Fuck.

"So, Tom... You and Tuvok?" I tried and keep my tone light and
disbelieving. Well, I couldn't believe it. Tom and Tuvok?

Tom's face paled. "Yes," he said simply.

All those weeks he and Tuvok had been stranded, I'd worried. Even
though he and Tuvok had periodically sent out subspace messages
indicating that they were fine. I'd had visions of a lover's reunion
---me humbly apologizing, he throwing himself into my arms.

It appeared he'd thrown himself into someone else's arms. Par for the
course for Mr. Paris.

Did he just flinch?

Suddenly he was speaking. "Look. It just... happened. And now that it
has, I don't want to change anything. I'm flattered that you..."

I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, I'm NOT flattered. I'm pissed that you would think I would be
so grateful for a crumb of affection from you that I'd be willing to
overlook that you were the third person inside of a year to perform a
tap-dance on my heart. And you were the one who pursued me, remember?"

I blinked at the anger in his voice. "Tom, I'm sorry..."

"Chakotay, whatever. Just keep my relationship to Tuvok to yourself
for a while. If you thought the crew was going to have a bad reaction
to the idea of you and me together, well, I'm anticipating at least
that for Tuvok and me. Not to mention a healthy dose of 'what the hell
does Tuvok see in him?' With you and me, at least people would have
been able to assume you were only interested in getting a damn good
lay out of the deal."

His voice broke off and he suddenly looked very tired.

"Is it what you want?" I couldn't help asking.

He took a deep breath. "Yes. More than I can explain. Chakotay, we're
bonded."

For a second I saw a look of... wonder? cross his face. My stomach
sank. Face it old man, you can't compete. But then I thought...
Tuvok's even older. Bitterness rose up within me.

"I guess in your case opposites really do attract. Although, maybe for
Tuvok it was merely a case of make do or do without, huh?"

I felt only malicious satisfaction as the comment hits its target. But
then the words turned to ashes in my mouth as Tom turned and walked
from the room.

---
Day 1 - Tuvok
---

I had been uncertain as to the timing of the discussion between Tom
and Chakotay, but Tom had indicated that he preferred to 'get it over
with and out of the way.'

It appeared my initial instincts were correct. In the aftermath of the
discussion, my mate's withdrawal from me had been quite complete. Not
only had he closed down the link but, now that I had finally been
permitted to enter his quarters, he would not meet my eyes as he sat
in a chair, hunched in around himself.

"Tom, if you do not speak to me, I will seek out Commander Chakotay
and  I would regret implementing information gathering techniques not
authorized by the captain."

Tom's lips quirked into a smile and he quickly glanced up at me. The
smile faded as he realized I was at least partly serious.

Apparently I communicated my inclination towards violence because Tom
reached out a hand to me, a stricken expression upon his face. "Is
this what being bonded to me is doing to you? Tuvok..."

I reached for his hand in return and pulled him up out of the chair
and into my arms. I was grateful for his touch but wished that he
would open the link to me. Words can be... inexact. However, I would
utilize any and every avenue of communication open to me.

How does one arrange a seduction?

I put that thought to one side and concentrated on what I needed to
say.  "T'hy'la, you are my mate. Vulcan protective instincts are
considerable, especially when the bond is new. Also, I harbor a sense
of jealousy where the commander is concerned. I know it to be
irrational."

Tom smiled faintly.

"In addition, the emotions stirred up by Pon farr do not disappear
instantaneously once the event is concluded. Their subsidence requires
meditation. I have not had sufficient time yet to accomplish this.

"This particular transition includes further... complications." I
began to iterate them, one by one. "We neither expected a permanent
bond to result. We were both initially uncertain as to the other's
response to the bond. Also, I am putting aside a previous link and
grieving for the loss of T'Pel."

I stopped. Tom had withdrawn even further from me.

"Give me your hand."

Tom looked at me blankly for a moment.

"Your hand."

Reluctantly Tom extended one to me.

"Tell me whether you can sense my wishes."

"I'm not a genie..."

"Tom, tell me."

Slowly he closed his eyes. Swallowing, he said, "You don't wish to end
this."

"I do not. But it would be foolish not to acknowledge that there are
problems to be surmounted."

I felt him flinch and did not understand the source. "Tom?"

"No, you're right. You are right. I'm listening."

I attempted to convey the next few obstacles in as gentle terms as
possible. "There are your heretofore unrecognized abilities which
exacerbate the already existing problems."

He flinched again and I realized it was necessary to stop. There was
time enough to assess the situation later. "Tom, I do not regret our
bond. I would not change it. And the difficulties are surmountable if
we work through them together.

"You need to tell me what the commander said that so upset you."

--- Tom  ---

I hadn't known whether to be overjoyed or annoyed that Tuvok just
wouldn't go away. Because he wouldn't. I guess I must have slammed the
link closed very violently about five seconds into my little
'interview' with Chakotay. Tuvok must have had the computer notify him
when I parted company with the good commander, because I was barely
out of the door when Tuvok commed me to ask if I was okay.

Actually, I think his exact words were 'Lieutenant Paris, did you
conclude your conversation with the commander in a satisfactory
manner?'  Satisfactory my ass.

So when Tuvok commed me, I had assured him that I was just peachy. For
some reason he didn't believe me.

Memo to self, don't use sarcasm on a Vulcan.

So then I admitted I wasn't but assured him that it was just something
I needed to work through on my own. He didn't seem to buy that either.
It was kind of ridiculous of me to leave him standing in the hall
outside my quarters for a full fifteen minutes but the fact that he
was willing to do so wore me down. And I appreciated the fact that he
didn't override my privacy lock.

But I know that Vulcans found to be human emotions... messy. And I
also knew that my emotions could affect him. I had only to look at his
face to know that. And his... antipathy for Chakotay appalled me. He
wasn't joking. He meant it.

The notion of him being jealous of Chakotay ---it was both amusing and
reassuring, but ultimately kind of disturbing. And I knew from
experiencing our bond that me shutting myself off like this wasn't
exactly fair but the question was, what would be more fair in the long
run ---me shutting off the link forever, or me opening it up again?
And what was better for him ---being bonded to me or... not?

Chakotay's comment had been dead-on. As I'd said planet-side, I was
the last man on earth.

But having Tuvok's arms around me inevitably made me relax, and as I
relaxed, I realized that he wanted me to open the link. Reluctantly, I
did so.

---
Day 1 - Tuvok
---

~ The commander's comments were untrue, t'hy'la. ~

A human expression comes to mind ---I seem to have picked up a great
many of them. The idea of applying the phrase 'squashed like a bug' to
Commander Chakotay is inordinately pleasurable.

An amused sort of horror came to me through the link.

~ Human reactions are illogical enough without emotions being combined
in an exceedingly unlikely fashion ~

And then Tom did laugh and some of the tension was released. I
concentrated on making him feel safe.

~ The thing is Tuvok, how can you know that you want this? I mean, you
didn't have the opportunity to choose between me and anyone else. ~

~ I had the choice between you and the 'pit' as you termed it ~

~ Some choice. ~

~ It was a very real one, T'hy'la ~ I lift his chin and look into his
eyes. ~I would have chosen to experience Pon farr with few others. And
had I done so, it is far from likely that I would have bonded with
them. It more likely they would have served as a 'stop-gap' as you
termed  it. ~

I felt Tom searching through my mind of his own volition, seeking to
know if I was telling the truth. It was the first time he had actively
looked at my thoughts and what he found should provide proof of my
truthfulness. While I cannot say that I ever understood Mr. Paris
before our bond ---nor, in fact, can I say that I fully understand him
now ---I can say that there was much about him that I found to admire
and respect. And he was one of the few humans I considered a friend.
If it had not been for his relationships with B'Elanna, Harry, and the
commander ending so quickly and in such quick succession, I may very
well have approached Tom on my own.

What he saw in my mind did not quite convince him. Human illogic
again, I realized. The proof was before him, but his desire to believe
made him fear that the proof was false.

~ I'm glad you find me so amusing. ~

I looked at him quickly, not sure whether he was truly insulted. But
then his lips twitch.

~ Just paying you back for guilt-tripping me this morning. ~  And then
he shifted still closer, content to rest in my arms. This was as it
should be. But there was much to be done. I suggested to him that he
should consider talking with Ensign Kim about the shift changes.
Meanwhile, I needed to find some time to meditate.

---
Day 1 - Harry
---

I hadn't gotten the chance to speak to Tom since he
returned. After his little fits of laughter during the first part of
the shift, he'd become quieter. We weren't relieved for lunch at the
same time so I'd only been able to say 'welcome back' as he walked
past me at the comm.

We'd slowly been resuming our friendship ---at a glacial pace
---before he and Tuvok got stranded. I hoped he wasn't avoiding me.

Had something happened to Tom while down on that planet? The thought
of the universe sending more shit his way only exacerbated my guilt.
Somehow I'd kind of hoped that he and Chakotay would get back
together, if only to make me feel better. But judging by Chakotay's
expression, that wasn't likely to happen any time soon. I sighed and
look down at the pool table.

Sandrine's wasn't the same without Tom.

And then I looked up and he's standing at the door. He hesitated
briefly when he saw Chakotay and then walked over to me.

"Er. Harry. Can we... talk?"

"Sure, Tom." Did that sound as childishly eager as I think it did?

"Uh. Not here. Maybe..." He hesitated momentarily. "My quarters?"

"Sure!"

I trailed behind him, hoping that he's found a way to forgive me. I
missed our friendship.

"Something to drink?" he asked once we enter his quarters.

I shook my head 'no.' He seemed nervous. Well, he began pacing at any
rate. I sat in a chair and watched him. "Tom. Are you... okay?" I
fervently hoped he was.

I saw the Paris wheels turning but I didn't get a typical smart-ass
remark. "More or less," he finally said. "Mostly more. I just... I
just need to tell you something and I need you not to tell anyone else
right now. And I need you to..." He shook his head.

"What Tom?" I tried to sound encouraging, reassuring.

Suddenly he smiled at me. "You really do care about me, don't you
Harry?"

"Yes," I said, puzzled.

"Ah... Well, while Tuvok and I were planet-side, he, well, he went
through Pon farr. And the thing is..."

"You're bonded?" I squeaked. Gods, did I sound like an idiot. Way to
provide that emotional support.

Suddenly Tom was laughing. I didn't quite get it, but I was glad.

"Harry," he says. Suddenly he pulled me to my feet and hugged me.
"Thank you."

"Uh, sure." I tried to figure out what exactly I had done. "Um,
congratulations? And, you're happy?" I waved a hand uncertainly.

Tom blinked. "Happy. Yeah, I am. But look, there's something else I
have to tell you." He motioned that we should sit on the couch.

I looked at him seriously, trying to divest myself of the naive young
ensign persona that seemed to have experienced a sudden resurgence.
Harry, you are such an idiot.

"Wow. Now I'm feeling guilty," Tom said, apropos of nothing. Maybe
it's a side effect of being bonded? "Uh, Harry? When Tuvok and I
bonded..."

I watched curiously as he blushed.

"...he discovered that I'm an..."

Quick disbelieving shake of his head.

"...Empath."

---
Day 1 - Tom
---

For some reason the sight of Harry Kim, mouth hanging open and unable
to come up with a coherent thought, let alone sentence, washed away
the last of my feelings of anger and betrayal. That and the fact that
I could feel that he only wanted to help me. And that he didn't laugh
---or worse ---when I told him about Tuvok and me. I shared my relief
with Tuvok.

~ He is a good man. ~

"Tuvok says you're a good man," I say quietly.

His mouth closed and he blushed. "Some of the time."

"Harry, I've been forgiven a lot of my mistakes. Worse mistakes than
any you've made. I just... Well, I need friends and you're the best
one I've ever had. Although..."

"Although?"

"Well, you may not be so happy to hear what I have to tell you next."
Harry just looked at me inquiringly and I can feel his curiosity.
Apparently he doesn't think it can be that bad.

"First of all, I'm having trouble shielding myself from other's
feelings. It seems I have a choice between experiencing my bond with
Tuvok or shutting off my empathic abilities. Tuvok's going to help me
work on that, but in the meantime..."

"You can tell what I'm feeling." For a second I felt Harry's
embarrassment, and then, apparently he resolved to ignore it. Tuvok
was right. He is a good man.

"The other thing... Tuvok and I ---well, really, it's me ---are
anticipating some negative reaction to our bond. So he wants us both
to be on delta shift for a while. Having our day being the majority of
the crew's night means that..."

"That you'll have less sensory input to deal with and there's less of
a chance of overload." Harry nodded seriously.

"Right. And, well, he wants people around me whose emotions I'll be
more or less comfortable with." I grimaced and waited for him to catch
up.

"Oh. So I'm being transferred?"

"If you don't mind. And Seven too, because Tuvok seems to think I
won't find her emotions disturbing. And it's not permanent. And..."

"Tom, Tom.. It's fine. I don't mind. I'm glad to. Really." And then he
smiled an impish grin. "And I'm sure you could tell if I was lying."

"You're right, I could." I smiled back.

Things are looking up, I thought. And then the door chime sounded.

---
Day 1 - Seven
---

Unacceptable, I muttered, waiting for the door to open.

Harry was being transferred to delta shift. It did not compute. I only
knew that it had something to do with Tom. Commander Chakotay was not
happy with the way the captain was rearranging the bridge shifts.
Neither was I.

I stepped in the room and looked from Harry to Tom. Harry appeared
nervous, Tom amused. Again, unacceptable.

"Lieutenant, please state the reasons behind Ensign Kim's transfer to
delta shift."

"Tuvok requires his assistance, Seven."

I did not like Lieutenant Paris's tone. I looked to Harry whose dismay
appeared to have increased. He rose from the couch.

"Seven... You're being transferred too. We're both being transferred."
Apparently Harry was attempting to placate me. I was only somewhat
mollified.

"Please state the nature of the assistance required." I glared at Tom
who did not have the decency to look the least intimidated. I recalled
that he rarely did, but found it irksome that he only looked more
amused.

"Tom, help me out here," Harry demanded.

"Oh, okay. Seven, what I'm about to tell you is confidential in
nature. It's also kind of personal so I'd be doubly appreciative it if
you would keep it under your hat?"

Keeping information under a hat is irrelevant ---and nonsensical. "To
request a reapportioning of resources solely to deal with a personal
crisis is excessive. Inefficient."

"Indeed."

Tom grinned widely and I turned to face Commander Tuvok.

---
Day 1 - Tuvok
---

Harry's acceptance of our relationship was exceedingly beneficial to
Tom. And I could sense his amusement when Seven 'stormed his
quarters,' as he put it.

I had been attempting to meditate in holodeck 3 but apparently
meditation would have to be put off yet again.

I was somewhat resigned to it.

As I proceeded to Tom's quarters, I found myself reassured by Tom's
interaction with Seven. Perhaps they would never be friends, but his
inability to refrain from teasing seemed to indicate that Tom was
feeling somewhat secure.

I stepped into Tom's quarters in time to hear Seven's complaint, which
did have merit. To say the least it would require her significantly
changing her regeneration schedule. I trusted that she would be
amenable.

Tom, however, did not help matters with his comment when I walked in
the door.

"Hi. Ready for our double-date?"

However, Ensign Kim apparently found the remark hilarious. Seven
watched in apparent disgust as he collapsed onto the couch.

---
Day 1 - Tom
---

I couldn't help but smirk as I leaned back and let Tuvok deal with the
angry Borg.

"Tom is now my bondmate. The creation of our bond awakened a
previously suppressed empathic ability. It needs to be controlled and
towards that end..."

"Towards that end, Tuvok and the captain," Harry interrupted Tuvok and
after briefly looking amazed at his own daring and placing an emphasis
on the word 'captain,' continued, "wants to limit his sensory input
until he is able to make use of his skills... efficiently."

I looked across at Harry and smiled. Plus ten points for working the
word 'efficient' into the explanation, I thought. And then I yawned.
Was I exhausted already?

"Understood." Seven looked from Harry to me.

Tuvok was right, her emotions weren't quite as loud. I resisted the
temptation to lean my head on Tuvok's shoulder. I didn't want to push
things too far.

"The change in bridge rotations will take effect tomorrow, but if you
require additional time to adjust your regeneration schedule, I
suggest you confer with Commander Chakotay."

"Understood, Commander. I do not think that will be necessary." Seven
looked to Harry. "Honey. Should we return to our quarters?"

Honey?! Seven's use of the endearment was stiff to say the least, and
I could feel the wave of embarrassment that passed over Harry. But I
simply bade them both goodnight. Hearing Seven ask Harry if that had
been a typical double-date as they walked out the door was too much
and I collapsed in silent laughter.

I looked up to find Tuvok regarding me quietly. If he were human, he'd
be rolling his eyes. The thought only made me laugh harder.

It took me a while before I got my breathing under control, and my
diaphragm actually hurt. Tuvok, meanwhile, had decided to ignore my
behavior and went about preparing a meal for us. I lay on the couch
and wonder what strange fluke had gifted me with this man.

---
Day 1 - Tuvok
---

Tom could barely keep his eyes open through dinner. He had weathered
the emotional stress of the past twenty hours quite admirably, though
I confess to some feeling some concern when he collapsed in laughter
at the end of the day. However, it appeared to be a form of emotional
release. I will continue to use attempts at humor to defuse tense
situations. Thus far, my efforts have met with success.  Tom willingly
went to bed and I could feel him slip into sleep almost immediately.

For the first time I was able to successfully meditate and the grip
Pon farr held on my emotions diminished greatly. I no longer felt
violently inclined towards Commander Chakotay and would meditate
further to disperse the remnants of my negative feelings for him.

I could not decide whether it was logical that the emotional pain he
inflicted on Tom had the result of decreasing my jealousy but
calcifying my dislike. Perhaps when Tom fully overcame the doubts the
commander's comments had exacerbated, I would be free of these
feelings.

I quietly undressed and spent a moment watching my mate sleep.

----
Week 1 - Tuvok
---

The second morning I awoke sharing my bondmate's bed was quite
different from the first. Instead of clinging to sleep he was instead
quite... active. I must confess that his activities were distinctly
pleasurable. Waking to find him caressing me, his mouth moving over my
body was... most welcome.

~I had not thought you were an early riser. ~

~I am if you give me the proper motivation...And I'm not the only one
who is 'up' early. ~

His hand grasped my erection and caressed. My mate's hands were
very... talented.

~ Oh, I do have quite the natural ability. ~

He began to move down my body, using his mouth ---lips, teeth, and
tongue ---to create a variety of gratifying sensations. I raised my
head on the pillows, the better to observe his actions.  His manner
was teasing, and served to heighten the level of my physical response.

I brought one hand up to caress my nipples; the other went to his hair
to experience the texture.

My t'hy'la moaned his appreciation of both my actions as I fed them to
him through the link.

He sent images to me, images of what his mouth would do to my cock and
I grew harder. The lightest traces of his tongue produced exquisite
sensations.

And then, his eyes holding mine, his mouth descended firmly on my
erection and thought became less... coherent.

When our activities were concluded, my mate seemed inclined to rest,
pressed close against me. I was content to lie at his side, although I
wondered at the source of his growing unease.

"People will figure this out eventually, Tuvok. That is if someone
doesn't blow our cover first."

"'This' meaning the fact that we are bonded." I caressed his hair and
he smiled.

"Yes. So what do we do?"

"I suggest discretion, if you are not yet ready to announce the
existence of our bond."

"But..." His voice trailed off and I indicated he should continue this
conversation nonverbally.

I could feel him trying to order his chaotic emotions. His first
concern was for the crew's reaction, though he seemed to be concerned
mainly on my behalf. However, he also did not look forward to the
potential animosity directed at him.

That my security team had failed him in the past was disquieting.
Furthermore, he was trying to balance his desire to spend time with me
against the recognition that if we appeared to be 'in one another's
hip pockets' ---I interrupted to comment that this was a logistical
impossibility and received a poke in the ribs with his elbow in return
---then people would figure our relationship out.

And then there was the vague fear that I might wish to keep our bond
private as well out of a sense of embarrassment. My t'hy'la trusted me
on many levels. He trusted my desire for his continued well- being,
but he was not yet ready to accept that it went beyond this.

Also, in my current state, I could not deny that it was possible for
me to feel embarrassment. I was experiencing a level of emotionality
uncommon for a Vulcan due to the circumstances of our bond. But
embarrassment was not an emotion I felt, or could ever envision
feeling with respect to my bond with Tom.

I resolved to make him understand this.

---
Week 1 - Tom
---

Due to the fact that we were switching over to the delta shift, there
was no rush to leave the quarters. But Harry commed me, asking if
Tuvok and I would like to join him for breakfast.

Tuvok declined, saying he would like the opportunity to meditate, but
I agreed. Fortunately Harry was willing to wait. If Tuvok was going to
meditate, I preferred to experience the mess hall when it was not full
of people completely miserable about what was on their plates ---and
in their stomachs.

On the other hand, dealing with negativity aimed at an inanimate
object ---well, most of the food Neelix's offered up tended to be
inanimate ---might be good practice.

Hell, the cuisine on this ship wasn't something I was remotely
responsible for.

But it was hard not to linger in my quarters. Tuvok was with me and I
felt at home. I was reluctant to leave my oasis.

Finally I managed to tear myself away, realizing that if I didn't
leave, Tuvok would probably never get any meditating done. I ignored
the small doubts that crept into my mind ---the doubts that suggested
that the result of Tuvok's meditations might lead him to the logical
conclusion that continuing the bond with me was, well, illogical.

Stop, Tom. Just stop.

Something must have gotten through to Tuvok because he sent both
concern and reassurance my way. I crossed my eyes and sent reassurance
back.  "Just contemplating what Neelix might be serving up for
breakfast."

Tuvok was unconvinced, but he didn't push.

I hurried towards the mess hall. I'd spent a full day back on Voyager
and I realized that the only people I'd said more than hello to were
Harry and Seven. And Chakotay.

Gods, I hoped I didn't run into him. But he was probably already on
the bridge.

Harry looked up and smiled when he saw me come in.

"You're late, so I took the liberty of making your selection for you."
I looked at the bowl. It was a Neelix special ---indeterminate mush of
a particularly virulent shade of green. Fortunately, this variant
tasted like overly spicy cream of wheat. Unfortunately, I'd mentioned
that fact to Neelix and he'd done some research into Earth breakfast
cereals. Now he mixed in a very sour fruit, which looked sort of like
raisins. Unfortunately, they were also of an iridescent yellow. The
resulting mess looked radioactive. But if you closed your eyes, it
wasn't that bad.

"I guess I don't want to know what the other choices were."

"Nope, you don't."

Harry was cheerful and his cheerfulness was uplifting. The vague
doubts about my bond with Tuvok seemed silly in the face of his
optimism.

"One benefit of this shift change is that there's usually a lot more
free holodeck time during beta shift," Harry said. "We should come up
with a program that the shift can share. I think we're going to need
to build some team spirit. Some people aren't exactly thrilled by the
reassignment."

"Maybe we could just hang out in the resort program?"

"Hum. Yeah. But it's mostly for sunset and walk- in-the-moonlight, not
to mention lying around and getting tanked kind of shit. Maybe sailing
or surfing?"

I thought a moment. "Maybe start small with pick- up beach volleyball
games. If we want something different, we could try a lake instead of
an ocean. You want to work on it with me?"

I sensed that Harry's enthusiasm was out of proportion to the matter
at hand and I sent him a questioning look.

"Uh... Seven in a bikini. Playing volleyball." He blushed and I
laughed. "But you and Tuvok did a lot of programming together
before..."

"There wouldn't really be a story for him to write for this one." I
closed my eyes and scooped up a big mouthful of cereal. I swallowed,
then opened my eyes again. "But I'll try and get him to participate.
I'll mention it's for shift morale and I won't mention your Seven
fantasies. Although... That bathing suit idea has distinct
possibilities. " For a second I let me thoughts drift to an image of
Tuvok on a beach wearing, well, not much.

Um, Tuvok. Tuvok was much tastier than this cereal I was currently not
enjoying. And Tuvok was certainly something to wake up to. My mind
drifted to the morning's activities.

Oops. That thought got through to Tuvok.

~ Sorry. ~

Well, at least he was amused, I thought as I blushed. I waved a spoon
at Harry who was now enjoying my embarrassment, although he didn't
quite understand why I was embarrassed. I repeated the
close-eyes-eat-cereal maneuver by way of bypassing the speculation in
his gaze.

---
Week 1 - Tuvok
---

I sat in my quarters and breathed deeply, slipping into the rhythm
that let my mind free itself of my body, let me engage in the ritual
meditation that would clarify my thoughts.

She Who Was My Wife ---T'Pel. Her gracious strength had been a source
of  solace for so long. The memories of her beauty, her touch, would
ever be. My children. My awareness of them had faded with the
dissolution of my link to their mother, yet I knew they lived, and
that they knew I yet lived. They were all that was honorable and
noble, a never-ending source of pride.

But as ever in my recent meditations, my thoughts returned to Tom.

There would be... surprise... if it is learned that my children's
father bonded with a human male. Among Vulcans, same-sex relationships
are infrequent, though not so much so now as in the past. But the
circumstances under which the bond I had achieved with Tom would be
considered, if not logical, then perhaps... acceptable. I had been
married, had children: My new bond would be considered an
inevitability of my situation, and the continuation of the bond, a
permissible... eccentricity.

This was not something Tom was ready to learn.

Our bond was not yet in balance ---the center of gravity was
uncertain. There were things he would not tell me until he felt
secure, and things I would not tell him so as not to increase his
insecurity. And still my instincts drove me to complete the bond, to
make us One.

The first few months of a bond are an adjustment period, and my bond
with Tom will require many such adjustments on both our parts.  I
spent an hour of meditation sifting through problems and
contradictions, examining the childhood experiences he had shared with
me through the meld. I could not rely solely on logic; the emotions
stirred by Pon farr could not be put entirely to rest. I must live
with them, attempt to use them to understand Tom ---to intuit a best
fit path among the obstacles to our bond instead of using logic to
chart one.

I meditated carefully, my energy somewhat depleted. It was necessary
for me to find a sense my equilibrium before Tom and I saw each other
again.  I opened the link to see what he and Harry were doing.
Apparently they were taking a poll of the delta shift, having offered
to create a delta-specific holodeck program. Tom's skill as a
programmer was such that the offer was met with enthusiasm. Both Tom
and Harry were enthusiastic as well and Tom suggested slyly that the
program would be good for morale, his in particular.

Although I did not quite understand the nature of his teasing ---as
was his intent ---I nevertheless felt more relaxed after finding him
in high spirits. I looked forward to seeing him at lunch, and
suggested that we also take the opportunity to rest before our shift.
He replied that I didn't have to suggest that we take a nap in order
to get him into bed.

~ I am suggesting that we sleep, t'hy'la. ~ I admonished.

~ Of course, Tuvok. Of course... ~

----
Week 2 - Tom
---

The shift changeover had gone more smoothly than I could ever have
expected. It turned out that the crew had been making book on whether
or not this was some sort of reprimand aimed at me. And then there
were those who speculated that it was all part of my grand plan to win
Harry back. People were completely confused when Harry, Seven, and I
started hanging out together, and that I was able to watch Harry drool
over Seven-in-a-bikini without the least traces of jealousy.

In fact, now the crew was making book on why Tom Paris was such an
all-around happy guy as of late. A Seven/Harry/Tom sandwich seemed to
be the most popular surmise.

The other source of amazement was Tuvok. Several crewmembers had been
dreading the change to delta shift. Ensign Lang had confided that,
among other things, it was because she felt as if Tuvok found her
fidgeting irritating. She has had a habit of winding a strand of hair
around her finger, and when she was at Tactical, and Tuvok was
anywhere in the vicinity, she tended to stand with both hands on the
station so that she didn't. The result was a stiff neck.

While I still wasn't sure it was a good thing that my emotions
affected Tuvok's to the degree that they did, the net effect turned
out to be beneficial to shift morale. Lang twisted her hair to her
heart's content, Harry was even known to whistle a happy tune when
coming on or going off shift, and neither felt like Tuvok was fixing
them with the implacable Vulcan stare. People were starting to call
Tuvok mellow.  Oh, and Tuvok shocked the hell out of everyone during a
beach outing the other day.

It was my fault ---I couldn't help myself. I knew Tuvok was
particularly willing to join in the beach fun-and-games because he
enjoyed the heat and found volleyball to be 'acceptable' exercise.
Also, he'd come to appreciate that his participation gave the team
cohesion.

What can I say? The devil made me do it.

It was actually a re-enactment of one of my favorite childhood
memories. A week at the beach, away from the parental units, with a
friend whose parents were great. There was a large group of us who
hung out at the beach and one day Lianne's dad filled a cooler or four
with water balloons. And the water balloon fight of the century
ensued.

So I enlisted Harry as my collaborator. We didn't even let Seven in on
the deal. We programmed the balloons full of nice icy water. And then
we managed to get ourselves rotated out of the volleyball game at the
same time.

He took aim at Seven. I took aim at Tuvok ---being sooo careful not to
let Tuvok even sense the wicked glee that was filling me because he
would have known I was up to something. And then Harry and I let the
balloons fly.

Tuvok leapt nearly three feet in the air when the icy water broke over
his back and I could feel his shock. He turned to look at me and I
thought, oh shit.

Seven had wrestled Harry to the sand by that point, but the rest of
the crew was transfixed by what I had done to Tuvok, of all people.

And then Tuvok requested that the computer place a dozen of the
balloons at his feet.

I hadn't thought of that option.

And then he started whaling them at me.

I evaded the first few he sent my way, and I lofted some back in his
direction but I was laughing too hard. But he finally got me.

To have continue pummeling each other would have led to contact of a
more physical nature which would have... Well, it would have left the
crew in no doubt as to the true nature of our relationship. By mutual
agreement, we decided to rescue Harry from Seven's clutches.

When the two of us turned simultaneously and launched the balloons at
her, I could hear people gasping.

And then chaos broke loose.

---
Week 2 - Tuvok
---

The change to the new schedules was successful. Although some of
members of the new team had initially resented it, delta shift's
reputation improved from that of the undesirable 'graveyard' shift.

In part, it was because I accommodated my new team in any practical
way, and in part because Harry and Tom's holodeck simulations quickly
became popular. It was not uncommon for other teams to comment on the
degree of solidarity that had arisen ---or to become involved in the
delta shift holodeck 'outings' that were now a thrice- weekly
occurrence.

Those that took part in the water balloon fight were envied. It was
interesting to hear crewmembers describe my reaction ---apparently I
leapt 'like a scorched cat.'

To my surprise, I had even received a few requests to be transferred
to delta shift. Delta shift efficiency was up 17.723 percent as a
whole.  The only difficulty was the daily staff meetings. They
occurred at the end of gamma and the beginning of alpha shifts, as I
passed command to Chakotay. Tension still ran high between Chakotay
and Tom. Ensign Kim and Seven ran interference, while I adopted a
neutral position.

Curiously, the one person with whom Tom has not spent much time with
was Lieutenant Torres. She and Tom were friendly but distant when they
saw each other in staff meetings, and when they encountered each other
elsewhere on the ship. Tom was hurt by the situation, but said he did
not feel any hostility emanating from her. Rather, he says said she
felt uncomfortable around him. He tended to think that she knew about
our bond and disapproved ---B'Elanna had found her enforced
participation in Ensign Vorik's Pon farr unpleasant. However, I was
not sure that was the case.

----
Week 3 - Tom
---

I've finally figured out why B'Elanna has been avoiding me. I didn't
mean to pry, and with Tuvok's help I've been able to build some sort
shields that don't interfere with our bond. So far I haven't been able
to block out others' feelings completely, and Tuvok is of the opinion
that in order to keep my link with him open, I'll never be entirely to
entirely close myself off. But anything is an improvement, so for now,
I'll settle for 'moderately successful' and work my way towards
'very.'

Anyway, we were sitting in a shift meeting ---thank the gods that
Chakotay seemed to have gotten over the most of his animosity though
he and Tuvok still act a little oddly around one another ---and I
instead began to work on the 'why-is-B'Elanna-avoiding- Tom?' puzzle.
Tuvok was midway through a recapitulation of the ship's efficiency
ratings and while I should have been paying attention, the fact was I
knew them almost as well as he did. So I felt okay about doing a
little daydreaming.

Well, B'Elanna caught me looking at her and suddenly she glanced at
the captain who met her eyes and blushed slightly, and then B'Elanna
started to stare at her PADD as if it were the most fascinating thing
she had ever seen. Both B'Elanna and the captain were sending off
waves of embarrassment.

I must have clamped down on the link, not wanting to inadvertently
share this newfound information with Tuvok since it was obviously
meant to be kept secret. And then Tuvok sent me a puzzled glance which
the captain, of course, saw.

I was practically dizzy with embarrassment myself by the time the
meeting was over.

When the meeting adjourned I asked Tuvok to go on ahead and quietly
requested to talk to the captain. She led her way to her ready room,
and suddenly I realized that I had barely seen her, either, since
Tuvok and I had returned from that desert planet.

The captain sat down behind her desk and indicated I should take a
chair.

"Captain, I'm sorry," I began. "I didn't mean to..."

Captain Janeway sighed. "I know. And I'm sorry if B'Elanna's avoidance
of you has caused you concern." She smiled wryly. "This is why
shipboard romances are not the best idea, especially among senior
officers."

"Um, just so you know, captain. My shields have improved and I
probably wouldn't have figured it out except that I was trying to
figure out why B'Elanna was avoiding me... I promise not to tell
anyone, although I would like your permission to tell Tuvok? He
already knows something's up."

"Agreed, Tom. In return... May I tell B'Elanna about you and Tuvok? I
confess I told her about your empathic abilities..."

"Certainly, Captain. Or I'll tell her myself? Hey, maybe the four of
us should just throw a party and let everyone in on the secret? I
mean, the combined announcement will mean that neither couple will
bear the brunt of the crew's curiosity. Although, the doctor may be
needed to help people survive the shock."

The captain laughed. "You have a point. I'll make you a deal. I'll try
and convince B'Elanna if you'll try and convince..." She looked at me
pointedly.

"You're right," I admitted. "It's not Tuvok that needs convincing."

---
Week 3 - B'Elanna
---

Within a half-hour of assuming my post in Engineering, people were
flinching every time I looked in their direction. I was tempted to
break something to relieve my frustrations, but I knew that I didn't
have the patience to fix it again. So instead I snarled, snapped, and
growled.

And since I've been relatively quiet recently (what with hiding the
fact that I was involved with the captain) it came as something of a
shock to those around me.

And to top it off, Tom had commed me to suggest we have lunch.

So Tom was an empath? And Tom had sensed my feelings?

I'd make sure that I had some more feelings for him to sense...

I decided to take my lunch early, just to get it over with and
everyone in engineering was more than happy to see me go.

Tom and I would be lunching in my quarters. Hell, he could spring for
lunch. This was his fault, after all, and besides... Since he'd been
stranded for three weeks, he'd have quite the cache of replicator
rations. Not that he ever suffered from the lack of them.

Maybe chocolate. I was sure that this meant I was deserving of lots
and lots of chocolate...

Tom was waiting outside my door with the strangest look on his face.
Like he wanted to run. For some reason that put me in a better mood.

"Inside, Paris," I said, and slapped the door to my rooms open.

"What do you want?" I asked. "To eat," I said impatiently. Never mind.
I knew...

I began to order him tomato soup when he yelled "Stop!"

What the...?

"Uh. It's made with beef stock."

"So."

"Well... You know that Tuvok is a vegetarian."

"What do Tuvok's eating habits have to do with the price of tea in
Tarkalia?"

"Er... Did you talk to the captain? I thought you knew..."

"I know that you're a nosy little empath. What else haven't you told
me?"

"B'Elanna. I just found out myself. Didn't the captain tell you how I
found out?"

I shook my head and crossed my arms. "I haven't had a chance to talk
to her since the staff meeting."

"Well, when we ---Tuvok and I ---were down on that planet, uh... Tuvok
went through his Pon farr."

"Oh."

"And since I was handy..."

"Tom are you okay?" I was suddenly concerned. Being the unwilling
object of a Vulcan's Pon farr wasn't something I would wish on anyone.
I had been more than a match for that squirt Vorik, but there was no
way Tom could have fought Tuvok off.

"No, no... I'm fine. I'm more than fine. I'm... We're... Tuvok and I
are..."

"Bonded?" I nearly fell over.

"Er... Yeah."

I started to laugh. This was priceless. He and I were in the same
boat. Me and the captain and he and Tuvok.

Suddenly I realized that Tom was looking a lot more relaxed. "Geez,
I'm sorry Tom. I shouldn't have taken it out on you..."

"I'm okay. Look, let me figure out something to eat that won't
conflict with my new dietary habits and you can eat a box of
chocolate. That always puts you in a good mood. And hey, I'll buy."

"I was going to make you anyway."

Tom smiled. The man does have a gorgeous smile.

---
Week 3 - Chakotay
---

As I walked into Sandrine's, I took a look around. On the surface, the
scene was the same as it ever was. Tom and Harry playing pool,
scamming rations. Crewmembers at the bar, discussing the day's events.
The captain at a corner table, watching over her flock.

But it was different, too. B'Elanna and Seven sharing confidences. The
camaraderie of the 'new' delta shift as they watched the pool game in
progress and shouted taunts and encouragement. And Tuvok observing Tom
with an unmistakable light of possession in his eyes.

Fuck. Why did it bother me? Why did I suddenly feel like an outsider?
As if I were competing with Tuvok for the best efficiency ratings...
and the best personnel?

That was, perhaps, what rankled the most. I'd always been the
approachable one. The bridge between Maquis and Starfleet. The
counselor and the XO. The warrior and the wise man ---no matter how
onerous, and irritating, I'd occasionally felt the designation. And
now this new, approachable Tuvok was winning converts and first in
line was Tom.

I bit the inside of my cheek and tried to quash the resentments. After
all, Tom did have problems of his own. Being a empath and having had,
for years, only crude techniques to shield himself. And I... Shit.

It had to have been Tuvok. The Starfleet officer who had spied on my
Maquis cell, the one who had ensured that my own mistrust of Tom had
been deepened when Tom went 'undercover' to discover the Kazon spy.

I watched as Tuvok rose to approach the bar, and didn't let myself
think. I got in his way.

"Pardon me, Commander."

The fucking impassive Vulcan gaze, the measured tones... "So, Tuvok.
How long do you think you can hold on to him?" I asked as if it were
an idle question. I crossed my arms and rocked back on his heels,
waiting to hear the response.

"He is my bondmate, Commander. I have no need to 'hold on.'" And then
Tuvok had successfully circumnavigated me and approached the bar. Fuck
him, I thought and crowded him against it.

"Bet it can't be easy for a Vulcan to keep Tom Paris satisfied."
Unbidden, an image of Tom crying out for satisfaction filled my
vision.

"I thank you for your concern but it is quite... unnecessary."

"Yes, I guess you can always search your bondmate's mind to find out
what he really likes."

For a moment, it was as if the room went deadly still and cold ---the
noise of the bar's patrons faded completely away. Something flickered
behind Tuvok's eyes and I felt a prickle of nervous energy. "Seven
years is a long time, Tuvok," I continue mockingly. "Tom will be
getting the itch long before that seven years is up. If you can't keep
him satisfied, I'll be waiting."

And then something did flare in Tuvok's eyes but suddenly there was a
body interposed between mine and Tuvok's.

---
Week 3 - Tom
---

The ripple of tension along our link made me turn to see... a
nightmare vision. Tuvok looked as if he wanted to rip Chakotay's head
off. Didn't Chakotay realize he was playing with fire?

~ Don't ~ I called to Tuvok.

~ I will not. ~ And the fierce dry heat I felt through the link
dissipated. ~ Though it is... tempting. ~

And suddenly the fear was back again. Trying hard to be casual, but
doubtlessly failing utterly, I shoved my cue into Harry's hand and
hurried to the bar.

~ I'm here. Don't let him... ~

~ I have not. I will not. ~ Tuvok's voice was reassuring. ~ I was
angry, but now I am... not. ~

~ Then go. Go back to your quarters and I'll meet you there. Let me
handle this. ~

Tuvok stood stock-still a moment longer, and I deliberately kept the
link wide open, making sure he understood my intentions, my anger,
my... fear.

And when I knew that Tuvok was safely on the turbolift, I turned my
attention to Chakotay.

"What the fuck do you think you were doing."

"Simply making sure your needs were being taken care of," Chakotay
replied.

"Don't do me any favors. As a matter of fact, don't come near me.
Don't go near Tuvok unless it's ship's business. Just... don't."

And with that I returned to the game that had halted in my absence.
When the cue was back in my hand, I cleared the table, and left.

----
Week 4 - Tom
---

It was frighteningly easy to sink into my relationship with Tuvok,
knowing that it was there. Tuvok is nothing if not solid, reliable,
dependable. He'd made a commitment to me and he'd honor that.

The constants in my life have been few, and most of them I would
forego without any regret whatsoever. But the more most of me accepted
the relationship as being real, the more the fears grew.

Weirdly illogical, but there you are. Me Human, he Vulcan.  Our
working relationship was... what? Fantastic? The fact that we were at
the point of unconsciously communicating meant that my piloting and
his tactics were in near-perfect synch. And I could sense the
satisfaction he felt at that almost symbiotic interaction. He also
felt satisfaction at the delta shift's level of cohesiveness. His
assumption of the captaincy after we'd had to leave Chakotay and
Captain Janeway on New Earth hadn't gone so wonderfully well, and this
had been both a source of perplexity and a blow to his ego. He found
it 'fascinating' that he could, through me, sense his crew's
confidence in him.

I reminded myself, again, that we both got something out of the
relationship. But I felt as if the balance was way more in my favor.
The major source of my insecurity was that he'd finally managed to
reorder his emotions, quieting them down to their pre-Pon farr levels.
For the most part, anyway. Meanwhile, I felt guilty that my bond with
him had prevented him from achieving that, and even more guilty that I
half-wished Tuvok had achieved nothing near like success. Tuvok, when
younger, had been very emotional ---too emotional from a Vulcan
point-of-view. He even went so far as to fall in love... I didn't like
my own past being stirred up; I liked the idea of stirring up his and
causing him pain even less.

And then there was the sex. Sex with Tuvok was... gods. Indescribable.
Best I've had, and as anyone will tell you, I've had a great deal. But
for someone who's had a few unpleasant experiences, it's incredibly
freeing to know that the person you're with is there for you. With
you. That you're not just filling a space that could easily be filled
by someone else. Or worse, that you're not less than a person
---something to be conquered and subjugated and degraded.

I didn't have to worry about that. But I did worry that I was imposing
on him. Which was weird because I knew that sex was perfectly...
acceptable... to him.

I didn't want him to be having sex just to satisfy my needs. I wanted
to know that he wanted it just as much as I did. Or proportionally as
much, considering that Vulcans don't let themselves 'want' things the
way humans do. So we only had sex when I initiated it; and I initiated
it less and less, as a result. And, face facts, Chakotay's little
taunt about Tuvok's seven-year-itch hadn't helped matters.

I missed it... Not just the passion and the release, but the
physicality of it ---the feeling of connecting with him physically the
way I was afraid that I never would mentally.

All in all, I was working my way towards depression, and he could feel
it.

But Tuvok never pushed. Aside from that time when Chakotay had made
mincemeat of my ego, Tuvok let me obsess to my heart's content. For
Vulcans, privacy is a very big deal. I knew that if I squirreled these
thoughts away, he wouldn't go looking for them, although I knew he
sensed that something was off.

I just wished I could escape the nagging feeling that he never would
have bonded with me if he'd had any other choice, and he'd probably be
better off without me in the long run.

Our bond still wasn't complete. It didn't seem to bother him, but it
bothered me. I wish it would just happen, in one fell swoop, but Tuvok
didn't seem to think the issue needed forcing. And again I was again
experiencing cognitive dissonance: on the one hand, happy because it
meant that I wouldn't be forced into any embarrassing revelations, on
the other hand depressed because it meant that it would be that much
easier for Tuvok to just let go...

---
Week 4 - Tuvok
---

There was something troubling Tom, yet I could not quite discern the
exact nature of the problem. He had a tendency to keep things from me.
From what little I could tell, he wished not to burden me with his
problems. What I found somewhat... disturbing was that the trouble
seemed to concern me.

Moreover, the frequency of our sexual interludes had steeply declined
as of late, and I was uncertain as to the reason. For my own part, I
had been content to let Tom initiate contact. My meld with him had
revealed that too often he'd felt as if he were merely a sexual object
in the eyes of others. I did not wish to reinforce that impression
with my own behavior.

This, perhaps, had been a miscalculation. There was no mistaking the
fact that Tom found comfort in the sense of touch. Being touched
seemed to free him to communicate in ways he would not otherwise do.

As I entered our quarters, I found him seated on the couch listening
to Vulcan music. In his attempt to learn about Vulcan culture he has
explored poetry, history, and music ---he finds Vulcan music the most
palatable. He has also become a devotee of Kal-toh. I was pleased,
however, that his desire to find common interests had not caused him
to put aside his own. I found participating in the activities at
Sandrine's of more interest now that we were bonded.

"Tom," I began.

"Hi Tuvok. All done for the day?" He appeared cheerful although it was
clear that he was not. There was a dullness to the link. His posture
also indicated he was not at ease.

"Yes."

He smiled and offered to massage my shoulders, indicating that I
should sit before him on the floor. I have been the recipient of
frequent massages as of late. Even as his invitations towards sexual
intimacy have declined, such offers have increased. My theory was that
he had chosen this outlet as a way to satisfy his need to touch me.
But did his desire for non-sexual contact indicate that he did not
desire sex?

I was quite willing to enjoy the benefit of his proficiency at
massage, but I was eager for a connection of another sort. But I was
uncertain how to proceed ---Vulcans consider direct, verbal
invitations of a sexual nature graceless.

Instead, I crossed to the couch and pressed a kiss to his lips. And
then another. Then he reached up to me to draw me down against him and
I could feel him sigh.

He was definitely both very pleased and somewhat surprised that the
kisses contained more than simple affection.

"Tom," I said, speaking against his lips.

"Yes?" he responded. I could feel him hoping that I was not going to
interrupt this very welcome activity.

I returned my mouth to his and deepened the kiss, push him back until
he was reclining along the length of the couch. And then, slowly, I
covered his body with my own. He arched up to me, seeking to feel my
weight pressed against him. I ground my own erection against his and
his pleasure and delight increased, his hands coming to cradle the
back of my head as he kissed me even more demandingly.

My mate is quite skilled in such things.

~ Tom ~

~ Yes, Tuvok, love? ~

I began to very carefully send him erotic images. My mouth on his
cock. His body thrusting into mine. Our mouths locked together as our
hands pleasured each other.

Passion welled and the link glowed brightly.

Suddenly he broke contact with my mouth and looked up at me seriously.

"You don't need to do this."

"The point, Mr. Paris, is that I find such activity... satisfactory."
Insistently, I showed him that I was very much 'in the mood.'

I got a small chuckle of amusement. I returned my mouth to his and ran
a hand down the length of his body. I let him feel my satisfaction and
refused to let him close down the link and concentrate only on the
physical sensations.

I let him see that I had very much missed the contact and felt for his
reaction.

For a moment he stiffened, and then I felt him actively searching my
thoughts. I was somewhat surprised by his burst of relief, followed by
a more intense wave of passion. I then realized that my efforts to
make him feel more secure had made him less so. As I attempted to
regain control, I apologized.

~ No, love, I'm the idiot. ~

~ Not an idiot. Never an idiot. Or if you are, then I am equally so...
~

~ Which can't possibly be true. ~

Such lazy satisfaction in my t'hy'la's voice.

I was then kissed, as the saying goes, 'within an inch of my life.' On
the whole, I did not object.

Suddenly, so suddenly I was not sure how he managed it, our positions
were reversed and he was moving over my body with abandon.

I gave myself up to him and he eagerly took all that I offered.

----
Month Three - Tuvok
---

I looked at Tom, who, to judge by outward appearances, was enjoying
himself. However, he was not. Voyager had reached a region of settled
space and found a peaceful, near-idyllic, warp- capable society.

The role of ambassador had fallen to me. It had been logical for Tom
to serve as my adjunct as the Norshi were an empathic race. It seemed
that the Norshi appreciated his outgoing nature, as it balanced my own
more reserved one. Indeed, it had all proceeded in a most satisfactory
manner. A formal treaty had been drawn up, all diplomatic protocols
observed, and after the signing, the festivities had commenced.

Tom, however, remained apart, after having spent a polite amount of
time mingling and chatting. He was not inclined to enjoy the music, or
the abundant food, nor did he respond to the many Norshi of both
genders who were more than willing to teach him the steps of their
dances.  In contrast, the other Voyager crewmembers present appeared
to be enjoying themselves immensely.

I reached out to him.

~ Are you uneasy? ~

~ About the Norshi? No... It's not that. They feel like exactly what
they seem to be. ~

~ Then? ~

~ It's nothing really. Really. ~

'Nothing really' was a my mate's standard response whenever there was
something he did not wish to share. I found it... frustrating.  The
Norshi Secretary of State approached me and further discussion was
impossible.

---
Month Three - Tom
---

After finally giving in and dancing for a bit ---I thought maybe it
would make Tuvok stop worrying about me ---I was able to escape from
the ballroom and onto a balcony. The ballroom was open and breezy
---the air outside was warmer, and filled with the scent of some
flower that grew in the gardens below. No moon, but a beautiful
star-filled night.  Amazing, when you thought about it. Thousands of
light years from home and Voyager had made First Contact with a
society that threw parties that mimicked, with frightening accuracy,
all the diplomatic functions to which I'd been dragged by dear papa.

I smiled to myself as I heard someone behind me. Nice of Tuvok to
ditch the head honcho and steal a few moments with me. Although,
mostly he was concerned by my distance. I turned to face him.

~ Does this seem like a chore, t'hy'la? ~

~ In some ways, I guess... Yeah. ~

~ Do the Norshi feel this way? ~

I opened myself up to the feelings emanating from the room.

~ No. For the most part, they're happy to know the Federation exists.
To them, our ship seems like a microcosm of how species should
interact. For the most part anyway. ~ I deepened my concentration. ~
They're wondering whether there might not be some inconsistencies, but
on the whole... ~

~ Inconsistencies? ~

~ Maybe that we don't always live up to our principles? We try,
though.  That seems to reassure them. Can't quite tell exactly what
their worry is... ~

I turned my attention back to Tuvok. So serious seeming. But content.
Content with the situation, content to be allowed to put thoughts
about ship's security aside and concentrate on diplomacy. He
appreciated the variation in the routine, and found it 'satisfying'
that we made an effective team.

It had been a nice respite, but I didn't want to be at a diplomatic
function, pretending to be the charming lieutenant, making polite
chit-chat. Acting fake. I wanted to be alone with Tuvok.

~ You do realize that this is a romantic setting, don't you? ~

Tuvok glanced around the balcony and looked back at me blandly. ~ It
is... pleasant. ~

I smiled at his indifference to the concept of romance.

~ The epitome of romance, Tuvok. I find it... inspirational. ~

An exaggeration, perhaps, but Tuvok by starlight, or any other light,
was a sight to behold.

~ It is difficult to see you in the darkness. ~

No use asking for sweet nothings from my Vulcan. I couldn't help but
tease, though.

~ I could say, Tuvok, that in the dark, your pupils dilate. While
dilated pupils are an indication of a low-light situation, they're
also indicative of sexual desire. ~

~ True. ~

~ So I could say that I'm starting to respond to the appearance of a
mating signal from a sexually desirable partner ---my partner, to be
specific. But I could also say that this prototypical romantic locale
---starlit sky, perfumed air, darkened balcony, the strains of music
---~

~ Most accurate observations. ~

~ Thank you. Where was I? Oh yes, that the locale, which does
encapsulate a stereotype common to my culture, is subconsciously
signaling to me that I should be feeling sexual interest. Or maybe
it's merely that the alcohol I sipped is doing its work and has
lowered my inhibitions, resulting in the same. ~

~ You imbibed a negligible amount of punch, Tom. ~

~ Details, details, ~ I said, waving a hand dismissively. ~ Or... I
could simply say, 'isn't it romantic.' ~  I turned on my most innocent
expression. After a moment, Tuvok raised a hand, two fingers extended,
and reached towards me. I reached back.

And then Tuvok sent the image of a kiss along the link. A gentle kiss,
one of affection rather than passion. And I closed my eyes...

---
Month Three - Tuvok
---

Tom closed his eyes and adopted a posture close to what it would have
been if the kiss had been physically rather than mentally expressed. I
found the unconscious reaction... arousing. His back was slightly
arched and his head tilted to one side, inclined forward, and his lips
parted.

The kiss became something more.

Tom opened his eyes after a moment, surprised for an instant not to
find himself in my arms. I caught his amusement at the contrast
between the passion of the kiss and my 'stereotypical self-contained
Vulcan appearance.'

"Thank you," he whispered, and sent the thought that his lips wanted
more of the same.

~ You are most welcome. ~

~ I guess we should go back inside and party hearty, huh? ~  But he
left his fingertips against mine, unwilling to break the contact. I
looked him over. The kiss had... affected him. I was certain he would
not wish to make an appearance in the ballroom in that condition.

~ Yes, but first... ~

"Yow!"

Transmitting the sensation of a cold shower had been most efficacious.

"Cruelty, thy name is Tuvok," he said, looking down at his wilting
erection.

~ Payback. ~ I sent him an image of a water balloon.

~ Vulcans aren't supposed to be the vengeful sort. ~

~ It must be your influence. ~

For a second he gave me a sharp look. It was one of his worries. But
the humor in my tone reassured him.

~ Come. Duty calls. ~

~ Yes, it does, doesn't it. ~

--- Tom  --- I settled back into the shadows and watched the dancers
swirling on the floor as the music played. Harry had glutted himself
with food, the range of choices dizzying and surprisingly palatable.
B'Elanna and Seven were off discussing engineering with a young guy
from the Planetary Defense Service who was looking from one to the
other with every evidence of admiration. B'Elanna and Seven were both
oblivious. The captain was dancing, and enjoying herself by the looks
of it...

And then I became aware I was being watched by a serious-eyed teen.  I
smiled. She smiled in return and then we both turned to watch the
dancers. Then, because he was in my line of vision, and also because I
could stare at the man all day long and not get bored, I turned my
gaze to Tuvok. He was looking every inch the diplomat as he stood and
conversed in his inimitable Vulcan fashion with the Chancellor. When
Tuvok raised his eyes to meet mine, I smiled. The tension I'd felt
earlier was mostly gone, but I still didn't feel like dealing with
other people.

Then I realized the serious-eyed teen was watching me again. I made a
belated introduction. "I'm Tom Paris. I'm a lieutenant aboard
Voyager."

"I'm Aagret," the girl replied, inclining her head formally. For a
moment, there was an awkward pause and then she said, "So what does a
lieutenant do aboard the starship Voyager?"

She had adopted a bright, social manner that I recognized. I'd learned
to use it well myself.

"Lieutenant is my rank," Tom replied. "I'm moonlighting as a diplomat.
In real life I'm a pilot."

The girl's interest sharpened. "A pilot? I'm training at the academy.
Tell me..."

---
Month Three - Tuvok
---

I let my awareness of Tom's activities fade from the forefront of my
mind now that he had found someone to talk to about piloting. Tom
seemed to be have relinquished the remainder of his unsettled feeling.
The dancing was continuing, and I was considering whether I should,
for form's sake, ask the Chancellor to dance. It would amuse Tom and
might be the socially correct thing to do.

Dancing in public was not an exercise in which I took pleasure,
however.

"Commander Tuvok, I would like to introduce you to Commandant Tenira"

"Madam, a pleasure."

"I was talking to that very interesting woman earlier this evening,"
the Commandant nodded at Seven.

"Yes?"

"And she said that she was Borg. A dangerous species I take it."

"Indeed."

"I was wondering whether we could pick your engineers' brains about
increasing our defense capabilities. We'd be happy to give you
information about the races we've had some... problems with."

"It sounds eminently logical. With the captain's permission, we will
do so."

"Good. And I would like to introduce you to my daughter. Although, she
seems to have disappeared. Aagret is not as fond of these functions as
she might be."

"Ah. She is talking with my bondmate." I indicated the pair who were
standing in the shadows.

"Yes. Aagret has some empathic abilities. Sometimes crowds overwhelm
her."

"My mate as well."

"Your...?"

"Mate. My bondmate."

The Commandant and Chancellor seemed to be absorbing this information.
"Well anyway, perhaps you would care to join me as I pick your
engineers' brains?"

"I would be pleased to."

Perhaps my relationship with Tom was considered inappropriate among
the Norshi? At any rate, my companions did not seem to be inclined to
pursue the matter further.

---
Month Three - Tom
---

"Can I ask you another question?" Aagret asked hesitantly.

"Sure," I replied equably. The kid knew her stuff and she loved flying
almost as much as I did.

"I heard that you and your ambassador are... bonded?" Aagret said the
word as if she was somewhat uneasy with it.

"Tuvok and me? Yes. Ah..." I looked at her again. "How old are you?"
Was this something I could discuss with her? I tried to remember
whether there was a taboo about same-sex pairings in the Norshi
culture. No, there couldn't be. Well, I'd met a female couple. Maybe
it was different for men?

"Fourteen turns," she answered.

"So you're not quite an adult yet."

Aagret shook her head. "What does that have to do with being bonded?"

"It's just that..." The treaty is signed, let's just hope this doesn't
start an interstellar incident. "Well, I was under the impression that
same-sex pairings weren't... taboo in your culture?"

"Same sex... But... Oh, you two are joined."

I shook my head. "Problem with the translator?"

"No... Well, yes. But when we were told you were bonded… Well, bonded
to us means someone who is, well, a... slave."

"You thought I was Tuvok's slave?" I experienced a moment of high
merriment.

"Um. Yes. And you seemed... unhappy this evening. So we wondered."

Aagret suddenly looked as if she hoped she hadn't offended but
continued anyway. "If you were, we were going to offer you asylum."

"No. We have prohibitions against slavery too. And thank you, really,"
I said, touching the girl's arm reassuringly. "But I'm not Tuvok's
slave in any sense." I held back on the innuendo that suggested itself
to me. I was dealing with an adolescent after all...

"I'm glad," Aagret said simply. "But can I ask what you are unhappy
about?"

---
Month Three - Tuvok
---

Tom was highly amused by the Norshi's assumptions. While I could see
the humor, I found it dismaying that his unhappiness was so readily
apparent. My mate should not be unhappy.

I accepted a beverage from the Commandant unthinkingly, and watched as
she and the captain discussed a further exchange of information.
Looking across the room, I saw Tom conversing with Aagret, a
thoughtful expression on his face.

---
Month Three - Tom
---

"Unhappy?" I sighed. "Oh." I thought for a long moment. "Bad childhood
memories, I guess. Being dragged to parties like this. Being asked
to..."

"Being asked to?" Aagret prompted.

"Perform like a trained seal. And not getting so much as a killey as a
reward." I shook my head. "Why am I telling you this?"

Aagret blushed. "It's probably because, well, I'm a tel-empath. And an
empath."

"And you wanted me to talk to you?"

"Well, I wanted you to feel safe if you were a slave and wanted to
get, well, away... If I've trespassed..."

"No, no... I'm an empath myself. So even if you were doing it
subconsciously I might have picked up on it."

"Who?"

"Who what?"

"Who treated you like a... trained seal?"

"Dear old dad. My father," I explained.

From the age of four I'd learned it was necessary to attempt to charm
the various people who had heard about Captain Paris' child-prodigy
pilot son. I'd end up talking about piloting because that's what they
wanted to talk about, but all the time being aware that my dad was
getting angrier by the minute.

Aagret looked at me in sympathy. "These are supposed to be
celebrations," she said quietly. "My mother would never make me come
if I really didn't want to. Or treat me like..."

"An object," I finished.

"Yes. It wasn't right."

"No. It wasn't..." I suddenly realized how open I'd been and was
aghast. "What am I doing? I shouldn't be unloading this on you. You're
a kid."

"I'm trained," Aagret said. "You have to be from an early age,
otherwise you'd never know which feelings are yours and which are
someone else's. And it's better to let these things out."

"So Tuvok keeps telling me."

"You should listen to your mate," Aagret said severely.

"I should be very wary of fourteen-year-olds, is what I should be,"
Tom said. "Who's your mother, by the way?"

"Oh, she's the Commandant. The head of Norshi Planetary Defense."

---
Month Three - Tuvok
---

Tom was quiet as we returned to Voyager. I could feel his thoughts
humming around in circles...

"Tuvok, what did you think of Aagret?"

"I thought she was... charming?"

Tom laughed. "She's a fourteen-year-old, empathic tel-empathic,
piloting child prodigy with a parent of extremely high-status within
the Norshi equivalent of Starfleet."

I paused, attempting to discern the source of my mate's turbulent
emotions.

"You are... drawing a parallel between the girl and yourself?"

"Yes. And no. I'm looking at what her life is and what mine could have
been. Probably should have been."

"Explain t'hy'la."

And he did. Suddenly he opened up to me in a way he had never before.
All the misery of his childhood, his belief that he deserved it. How
it colored his view of the universe, of himself. Places in his mind
that he'd never allowed me access to before were suddenly open and
shining. Our link pulsed with life, growing stronger.

And he did not fear it.

Somehow meeting a child who had ambitions and life circumstances
similar to his own, and yet had parental love and approval, who had
had her talents recognized and received training had made him believe
that his childhood was not deserved. He understood that he was worthy
as a human being. That he was, perhaps, worthy of me.

~ T'hy'la. I could not cherish someone unworthy. ~

He moved forward then, my arms coming up to encircle him.  Soon. Our
bond would be completed soon.

---

continued in the third story in the Stranded Universe series 'Interlude'