The BLTS Archive - While He Gently Weeps
by shakespearespot (shakespearespot@yahoo.com)

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Archive: EntSTCommunity, Tim Ruben, WWOMB, The BLTS, anyone else
please ask

Feedback: Will resort to begging

Spoilers: The Expanse

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em.

Warning: None

Beta: ReginaBellatrix

Author's Note: title is a variation on the Beatle's song "While My
Guitar  Gently Weeps" . Saw the episode "The Expanse" and had to write
this. Great =

Tucker-Reed stuff in the episode, I'll say that for it.

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Malcolm stared blankly at the computer screen in front of him. He
wanted to write to his sister, wanted her to know he cared, that he
loved her. She was the only person he'd ever been close to, besides
Trip, and he wanted her to know that. After watching Trip lose himself
in grief, Malcolm needed to talk to Maddy. He just couldn't seem to
form the words.

His mind couldn't focus on the screen because all he could think about
was the fight he'd had with Trip earlier. Trip had snapped at him that
day in the corridor, and as important as it was to Malcolm to write
that letter to his sister, he couldn't get Trip's harsh words out of
his head.

Malcolm had tried to be supportive of his lover in his grief. He knew
he wasn't always the most demonstrative of men but he'd done his best
to  let Trip know that he loved and cared for him. He'd gone with his
lover to  see the destruction caused by the probe and had listened to
Trip as he  told stories about his sister. But it had become quite
clear that Trip was holding back his grief. He needed to grieve,
needed to cry, to show some emotion for his sister. For a man who
cried at every movie, this lack of emotion was distressing. Even if
Elizabeth had been opposed to memorial services, Trip needed to find
some way to honor her.

Instead, when Malcolm had brought the matter up, Trip had practically
bitten his head off. Malcolm loved Trip more than anything and all he
wanted to do was support his lover in his time of need, but when he
tried, Trip pushed him away. Did Trip not want his comfort, his love,
or was he just not ready for that comfort? Malcolm didn't know what to
do. He'd never loved anyone like this. He loved Maddy, certainly, but
with Maddy it was different. She was his sister; they'd grown up with
each other. They had always been close, but he'd never told her the
kind of things he told to Trip. Why couldn't Trip accept his comfort
when Malcolm had always accepted Trip's?

Malcolm's head came up as the door to his room opened. Trip stood in
the door staring at him, not saying anything, face pale, lips tight.
Malcolm got up warily and stepped towards the other man. "Trip?" The
Southerner's eyes focused on him and his lip began to quiver. He
stepped forward slightly, the door closing behind him, and Malcolm
instantly pulled Trip towards him. Trip embraced him tightly and
buried his face in the side of Malcolm's neck.

Malcolm could feel Trip's shoulders shaking and moisture on his skin.
They stood there for several moments, Malcolm silently holding the
other man close as he wept

Finally, softly, he murmured, "Trip?"

"I'm s-so s-s-sorry.

Malcolm frowned. "For what?"

"For snappin' at ya earlier."

"What?"

"For all those things I said t' ya. Ya didn't deserve it."

Malcolm pulled back slightly and grasped the sides of his lover's
face, staring deeply into his eyes. "Trip, you don't need to apologize
for  that. I understand."

"But..."

"You were upset."

Trip's head dropped but Malcolm forced his head back up.

"Trip...you don't need to cry over me. I'll always be here for you. A
few harsh words won't push me away."

"No, you won't. You won't always be here."

"Yes, I will."

Trip pulled back, shaking his head slowly. "No, you won't. Ya know
what Lizzy did for a livin'? She was school teacher. Yer an armory
officer.  She died..." Trip's voice trailed off.

Malcolm nodded slightly. "I could. But then so could you. We can't
predict what will happen to either of us. Would it be better to push
each other way in order to avoid the pain? Would you have rather
avoided your sister on the off chance she might be killed by some
unknown alien race?" Trip stared. "Would you?"

"No."

Malcolm nodded. "But that's not really what this is about, is it?"

"What do ya mean?"

"Trip, I've never once seen you cry for your sister. I sleep next to
you every night and never once have you showed any sign that you've
acknowledged your sister's death. Yes, you talk about getting your
revenge, but you have never once really grieved for her."

"But..."

"Trip, you cry over sappy movies. Why won't you cry for your sister?"

"Because..." Trip's voice cracked and tears started streaming down his
face again. "Oh God, Mal. She's dead. Lizzy's dead." Malcolm pulled
Trip close again. "I didn't want to believe it. I know I said she'd've
contacted someone if she was alive, but I still hoped..."

"You still hoped that she just hadn't been able to do so yet."

"There was no body. If there wasn't body, she could still be around.
Maybe in a hospital or somethin'. Can't hold a funeral without a body.
But she's really dead, isn't she? I'm never going to see her again."

Malcolm kissed Trip's temple and held him closer. "You can still hold
a memorial."

"I told you, she wouldn't--"

"It wouldn't be for her. It would be for you. You need to be able to
say good- bye."

"How? There's no one to say good-bye to."

"You would know better than I what would have pleased her."

Trip was silent for several moments. "Can we name our first daughter
after her? Elizabeth's a real pretty name," he finished quickly.

Malcolm pulled Trip's head back again and gazed into his eyes.
"Elizabeth'sa very pretty name."

Trip nodded quickly, choking back a sob. Malcolm drew his lover and
friend over to the bed, tucking him under the covers. He then climbed
in next to Trip, pulling him close and holding him as he fell asleep.
Elizabeth would, indeed, be a lovely name for a daughter.

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The End