The BLTS Archive - Cold Heaven
by Selena (selenak@gmail.com)

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Disclaimer: Not mine. The title is from Yeats. You'll find the poem in
the footnote.

Author's note: Mind messing on a grand scale. Not exactly reflecting
my views, but I couldn't resist. Also the tiniest crossover, though I
hope it works without recognising the later as well.

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Sex is not linear. It is the closest these physical creatures get to
non- linearity. Being melded to the woman Sarah, it feels everything.
Peppery taste of sweat, salty taste of tears; before/after, again and
again, because the Sisko has to be born. He will be born. Has been
born, has come, will come. Joy/Grief. The woman screaming inside. She
does not want to be united to the man Joseph. She does not want a
child.

Whyareyoudoingthistome? Because, it answers, I have always done it. I
will do it. It needs to be done. You do not understand. You are
linear.

But there is a danger in possessing a linear being. They reach back
and leave traces of themselves, making it harder to see everything.
Already, in this moment, feeling the man Joseph's body slacken while
his hands keep stroking Sarah's hair (its hair, but there is no I;
they were/are/will be/ must always be), it can sense it; the Sisko,
still corporeal, still confined in his lack of understanding, reaching
out to it/Sarah/mother. Grief/loss for the Sisko. Grieving for what
has happened/must happen/will happen to him. It is illogical. It
starts here.

There have been others. Joseph whispers "I love you, Sarah", and
briefly it hears the other names. (I love you, Mirjam. I love you,
Cordelia. I love you, Jasmine.) But this time, it will not fail. The
son will be faithful, and true, and will not falter, and he will
complete his purpose. Again, he will go through death and rebirth, but
that is what always happened/happens/will happen, and it has
gone/goes/will go through the same process. At this moment, with Sarah
moving in Joseph's arms, wrapping her legs around him, urging him to
another copulation, it can feel Sarah dying, and it promises itself it
will be with her then, as always; the price which has to be paid for
any contribution to linearity, for any use of the physical.

It can hear/feel Sarah's heartbeat. This is what the Sisko hears/will
hear/has heard when he confronts/will confront/has confronted his
destiny. It starts now.

Sex is not linear.

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Suddenly I saw the cold and rook-delighting heaven

That seemed as though ice burned and was but the more ice,

And thereupon imagination and heart were driven

So wild that every casual thought of that and this

Vanished, and left but memories, that should be out of season

With the hot blood of youth, of love crossed long ago;

And I took all the blame out of all sense and reason,

Until I cried and trembled and rocked to and fro,

Riddled with light. Ah! when the ghost begins to quicken,

Confusion of the death-bed over, is it sent

Out naked on the roads, as the books say, and stricken

By the injustice of the skies for punishment?

(W.B. Yeats,
"The Cold Heaven")

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The End