The BLTS Archive - Betwixt and Between
by Sagga Bott (sagga_bott@yahoo.ca)

---

Author"s Note: nothing to say here!

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager and the Star Trek characters are owned
by Paramount (not me). I gain nothing from this (financially).

April 04-Mar 05

---

Voyager's bridge was the hub of all operations on the starship. It was
the home-base of the command team. All orders requiring the
authorization of a senior officer came through the bridge. It was
arguably the most important part of the ship, so when the bridge
wasn't operating at peak efficiency, the whole ship suffered. Such was
the case one day when Captain Janeway decided to do something about
it. The problem centred around two officers in particular, two
officers whom she had thought were getting along better lately, but
obviously she was mistaken. Three years plus they'd been out here and
it was still the same story between them, although Kathryn had to
admit at least privately that the older, and usually more mature, of
the two was the one instigating the problem.

She could not recall the last time Lieutenant Paris had made a joke at
the Commander's expense. In fact all the jokes had dwindled down to
nothing. The bridge was devoid of the usual jovial cheer that Tom
helped to create and that was only one of the many contributing
factors to the current problem. She couldn't put an exact date on it,
but it'd been a long time since she'd seen Tom Paris even crack a
smile on the bridge. Of course with the Commander on his case for even
the smallest infraction it must be hard to stay positive. She wasn't
sure what the reason for the latest decline in their relationship was.
They usually tolerated each other on duty and avoided each other off.
This conundrum wasn't going to be solved any time soon, but she
couldn't allow personal problems to affect their duties, hence why the
two officers in question were now standing at attention in her Ready
Room.

She eyed both of them before speaking. "Who would like to tell me what
the problem is?" she asked, not expecting an answer so she wasn't
surprised when neither of them spoke. Frankly she wasn't sure whether
Tom even knew what the problem was. When the Commander reprimanded him
there was always a brief look of confusion on Tom's face before it was
wiped away.

She sighed. "Gentlemen, there is obviously something wrong here. You,"
she looked at Tom, "can't sit still for more than ten seconds at a
time, and you," she looks at Chakotay, "are snapping at everyone." She
paused. "Well?"

"I apologize for my restlessness, Captain," Tom said, still staring at
the wall.

"I don't want an apology, Mr. Paris. What I want is an explanation,
but since I don't imagine that occurring anytime soon, I'll settle for
your solemn word that you'll be more conscientious of your actions in
the future, both of you. It's getting pretty tense out there."

They both agreed and were dismissed, but Captain Janeway asked
Chakotay to stay. He did so, though with obvious reluctance. The door
slid shut after Paris had exited and Chakotay faced Janeway wondering
what part of his life she was going to take a sudden interest in.
Chakotay gave himself a mental shake. That wasn't true and he knew it
but lately he'd just needed something or someone to lash out at.

"Chakotay, is there something wrong?" Kathryn asked gently, the friend
replacing the commanding officer.

Chakotay sighed and sat in one of the vacant seats. "I don't know.
Lately I've found that everything just feels a little off, as though
I'm stuck and can't go forward. It's. . . " he trailed off.

"Frustrating," Kathryn finished for him and he nodded not meeting her
eyes. "Have you tried meditating on it?" she asked, knowing that
Chakotay took his spiritual guidance very seriously.

He gave a derisive laugh. "I've tried and every time it's the same
thing." He didn't tell her was he'd been told. Conversations between
him and his spirit guide were personal and nobody's business,
commanding officer or not. "I'll work through it. I'm sorry for my
behaviour." He stood, calling an end to the conversation.

"Chakotay, if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me."
He nodded. "And give Tom a break, okay?" She didn't like that way his
expression darkened at the mention of the pilot, but she knew
inquiring about it would only get her on his black list. She hoped
he'd sort out this personal issue soon. She depended on Chakotay
daily. He was a steady presence in a constantly changing environment.
She followed him back onto the bridge and they took their positions.

Tom was already at the Conn and just finished relaying some
information to his friend at Ops when the Captain and Commander
returned to the bridge. "I don't have anything on navigational
sensors," Tom said.

"Something interesting, gentlemen?" Janeway asked from her chair. She
looked over her shoulder to the young man at Ops, Ensign Harry Kim.

"We haven"t been able to confirm it, Captain, but for a brief moment
there was an unknown energy signature on sensors." He stared at his
console in confusion and tried another series of commands -still
nothing.

"Keep an eye out for it, Ensign." Harry nodded and went back to work.
Janeway smiled. You could always count on Harry Kim to give one
hundred-ten percent. "Mr. Paris, maintain present course and reduce to
three-quarter impulse."

"Aye, Captain," he responded and began entering the necessary
commands. "Three-quarter impulse."

Janeway nodded and sat back in her chair. It was going to be a long
shift. Idly, she wondered when last Tom had addressed her as "ma'am".
She missed the camaraderie they had shared. Hopefully things would
return to normal soon, or get worse. She had an inkling feeling that
this was the relative calm before the storm.

Two hours later the bridge was quiet. The crew attended their duties,
but the atmosphere one deck one was still tense. There had not been a
word between the Commander and helmsman since they'd gone to the ready
room early that day. When the anomalous readings suddenly returned the
crew threw themselves into finding its source. It was something to
keep them busy even if it wasn't all that interesting.

"I have a lock on it," Kim said. "It's twenty-two hundred kilometres
away at bearing 24 mark 8 and getting closer." The energy seemed to
wink in and out of existence. "It's getting closer."

"It doesn"t conform to any known weapons signature," Chakotay said,
looking at the information displayed on the console between his and
Janeway's seat.

"Let's not take any chances. Tuvok, raise shields."

"Twelve hundred kilometres and closing," Kim announced.

"Is there anything out there that can account for this?" Janeway asked
and received only negative responses.

"Three hundred kilometres."

"Tom put some distance between us and what ever that is," Janeway
ordered and he immediately did so, but the energy signature changed
course to intercept as well.

"No effect," he announced.

Just as the Captain was about to call for Red Alert- "It's gone," Kim
said in confusion. "I can't locate it on sensors." The bridge was
quiet for several seconds as they waited for the object to reappear.
Instead, the moment a strange energy signature appeared on the
sensors, there was a sudden dimming of the lights before full power
returned.

"I'm reading local disturbances in the warpcore," said the ensign at
the engineering station.

"Bridge to Engineering, what's going on down there?" Chakotay
demanded.

"There's an unknown energy quanta destabilizing the core. We've routed
more power for containment but it's not. . . ."

"B'Elanna?" he asked when she suddenly stopped talking.

"It's gone. Whatever it was is gone –the core is stabilized." She
sounded as confused as everyone else felt.

"Keep us informed. Bridge out."

"Anything on sensors, Mr. Kim?" Janeway asked again.

"Nothing," he answered, but eyed his displays very carefully should
something change.

"I think this is enough excitement for one day. Tom, get us out of
here, maximum warp."

"Aye Captain," he entered the commands, but when he went to engage
warp nothing happened. He tried again after a quick re-calibration of
the warp field, but it winked out of existence almost as soon as it
formed. "The warp field keeps collapsing."

"What"s the cause?" Chakotay asked and moved to the helm.

"It must be that thing we've been tracking." Tom tried to engage warp
again, but the field collapsed. "We can't go to warp," he said with a
huff and began to manoeuvre the ship away on impulse. Tom was careful
to stick to Starfleet regulations as he entered the commands. With
Chakotay looking over his shoulder the last thing he wanted was to
give the man a real reason to reprimand him. He breathed a little
easier when the presence moved away, but Chakotay didn't go back to
his seat; he moved to the left where there was really nothing of
interest. Tom looked up to where Chakotay had moved and saw the other
man staring off into space, squinting as though there was something
very small before him.

"Commander?" Tom questioned.

"There's something here. . . " He reached out to touch it, but before
he made contact a sudden white light seemed to split the air before
him making the first officer move quickly backwards.

"That thing has the same energy signature as the anomaly we were
tracking," Harry announced. Tuvok drew his weapon though he questioned
how much of an effect it would have against something that appeared to
be made of energy.

The white light grew as the object forced its way through the tear.
Suddenly it was out. Tendrils of white plasma-like tendrils streaked
across the bridge but did no harm. The anomaly had no defined
boundaries, but the energy that now filled the bridge seemed to have a
main body that was a collection of denser plasma. It moved instantly
from one place to another, the tendrils moving in smooth arcs and
where they collected was the new body and the last one faded away. It
was a mesmerizing dance that was cut short as the body of energy
darted for the commander, but not before sending several tendrils into
Lieutenant Paris.

Tom was knocked backward into the helm and Commander Chakotay was
knocked to the ground. Those who tried to approach the commander to
help him were kept at bay by a barrier. Tom however had no such
shield. The ensign at the engineering station moved to help him.
Although startled, he was not otherwise hurt.

"What the hell was that?" asked the Ensign. She earned a glance from
Tuvok for her language. Tom had no doubt that she'd be read the riot
act over it, but given the circumstances she was saying exactly what
Tom was thinking.

"Commander!" Janeway called to the unresponsive man from the edge of
the barrier since she was unable to pass through. "Can you get a
transporter lock on him?" she asked Kim who moved back to his console
to check. He shook his head. If he said anything after that Captain
Janeway didn't hear it –her attention that was on her first officer
who still lay on the floor, eyes open but not seeing. A sudden
presence next to her made her look to her right just in time to see
Tom put his arm through the barrier as though it did not exist –indeed
for him it didn't.

"Tom?" she questioned, but he didn't respond. A look of intense
concentration and anger came over his face. He was staring at the air
directly over the commander. Janeway followed his gaze but what ever
he saw, she didn't. When his hand reached out faster than was humanly
possible and grabbed what looked to be another being made of energy
only a different colour, she definitely saw then. Contact with Tom
brought it into the visible spectrum even though nothing showed on
sensors. Tom pulled it away from the commander, some of its tendrils
pulling out of the older man's body, and the barrier vanished in a
shower of white sparks.

Chakotay began to stir and Janeway helped him up. "Are you alright?"
she asked and he could just nod.

"What happened?" he asked, blinking several times to clear his vision.

"Well, that for starters." She looked to the thing that Tom still held
in his grasp.

"What the hell-"

Before Chakotay could finish Tom issued the order, "Beam him off the
bridge!"

"Why?" Chakotay asked.

"Do it!" and as the only person who seemed to have a clues as to what
was occurring, they followed his order. As Chakotay began to vanish in
the transporter beam the being in Tom's hands started to strain
furiously against his bonds. "Can you get this thing off the ship?"
Tom asked as he struggled to contain his charge. A strange type of
energy crackled around and over his hand containing the creature
somewhat.

"can't get a lock," Harry said.

A tendril of energy sank into Tom's chest and began to emit a
radiation that had the sensors going wild. Tom staggered and let go of
the being but it didn't let up and another tendril passed through his
leg. The being dissipated the beam of energy from Tuvok"s phaser and
nobody else could get close enough to touch it.

"Keep working on the transporters," Janeway ordered but Tom knew it
wouldn"t work. He raised his right hand up, palm facing the being that
was intent on harming him. The bridge crew watched in shock as the
space around Tom's hand seemed to ripple and distort. When the
distortion came in contact with the energy being it released a pulse
of energy throughout the bridge and evaporated into nothing. For a
moment there was silence until Tom grunted in obvious pain. "Tom, are
you alright?"

"I think so," Tom said. "I have to see Seo." He walked straight to the
turbolift Janeway following him. There was something different about
him. His eyes had changed somehow and she didn't feel comfortable
leaving him alone especially after the attack they just witnessed.
What ever was going on, she was going to get some answers. She called
Tuvok to join them leaving the bridge to Harry.

"Tom," Kathryn began softly once the lift had been directed to take
them to deck five, "who is Seo?"

"I have to protect Seo," he responded almost as if possessed. His gaze
was on the exit to the turbolift and they were unable to meet his
eyes. Tuvok and Janeway glanced at each other. The door opened on deck
five and Tom was the first one out. He headed towards Sickbay, knowing
without being told he'd find Seo there. Janeway and Tuvok followed
closely.

In sickbay the Doctor was scanning Chakotay. After being told of the
incident on the bridge he wanted to make sure that there were no ill
effects. The scans were all normal and Chakotay didn't feel any
different, maybe a little sluggish but that could possibly be due to
the adrenalin wearing off. It was only a few minutes later that the
doors opened letting Tom, Kathryn and Tuvok in. The Doctor greeted
them in his usual manner but Tom didn't even acknowledge him. He
walked straight over to Chakotay.

"Are you alright?" Tom asked visually checking Chakotay for injuries.

Chakotay looked at Kathryn for answers but she didn't have any to give
him. "I'm fine," he answered slowly and stepped away from Tom but as
he did something warned him. He turned back to Tom and eyed him
suspiciously.

"Seo?" Tom asked.

Chakotay didn't know who Seo was but Tom was obviously referring to
him. "Take your tunic off," he ordered and with only a brief
hesitation he did so. Underneath the tunic were two large bloodstains,
which were still growing. "What happened?" Chakotay asked.

"The Relor attacked me," Tom answered and even he seemed surprised by
the injuries. The Doctor scanned him.

"Lay down,"

"No." The other four looked at him.

The Doctor tried again. "I need to treat your injuries. Please," he
gestured to the biobed but Tom still refused.

"Should the Relor return I must protect her," Tom explained.

"Her!" from Chakotay.

The Captain put a hand on Chakotay"s arm and carefully approached the
man who looked like her pilot but was acting like some sort of
bodyguard. "Who are you?"

"Captain, I'm Tom Paris," he replied and now he was the one who was
confused.

"And who is Seo?" Tom pointed to Chakotay and though she didn't
understand Kathryn continued to ask questions. "Who are the Relor?"

"They"re our opponents."

"Who is this "her" you referred to?"

"Yuri-Seo. She"s joined with him," Tom said and again pointed to
Chakotay.

They all looked at Chakotay and he could only give a wide-eyed shrug.
He had no sudden knowledge of any of this.

"And you have to protect "Yuri-Seo"," she asked more than stated and
Tom nodded. "We won"t let anything happen to "Yuri-Seo" or Chakotay
but you need to let the Doctor help you." She looked down at the still
growing dark stain. It must hurt yet he didn't seem to feel it.

"He feels it," came a voice from nowhere. It seemed to flow around
them and through them like the caress of a soft breeze. "But his first
duty is to his Seo," the voice explained and three distinct masses of
energy coalesced in Sickbay.

"Kim to Janeway, sensors are showing four unknown energy signatures in
Sickbay."

"We know. Janeway out," she responded absently and continued to watch
as the swirls formed three distinct beings. They had vaguely humanoid
features; two legs, two arms, a head. Their facial features became
more distinct as there physical form settled. The three people were
very tall, nearly ten feet-their heads almost touched the ceiling and
their clothing was a material that seemed to be constantly in the
transition from energy to mass, just as they previously were. Of the
three beings one was a shade of pale blue with greyish robes and one
other had a yellowish gown but glowed a pale orange. The last being
was the largest of the three. It had robes that glowed the purest
white and pale skin. While the other two where of indiscriminate sex
the being in white was male and apparently their leader, as he stepped
forward to greet the three humans, one Vulcan and hologram. He seemed
to glide more than step as every movement caused what was once matter
to revert to energy and revert back once the motion had stopped.

"Our apologies. We are of the Alorem." The voice was the same one that
had spoken earlier but it was less haunting. "We do not wish you any
harm but it seems that fate has crossed our paths," he looked at
Chakotay and gave a gentle smile. "You are well?" he asked and
Chakotay just nodded. As sick as he was of people asking, he didn't
want to offend these people especially if they had some answers. The
pale being moved closer to Tom and for the first time they noticed the
matching aura that Tom had, as though his body was re-emitting the
energy from the Alorem. It struck Janeway then that Tom might be the
fourth energy signature. Kim had mentioned that sensors had found four
energy signatures but they had been too shocked to notice before that
only three beings had materialized before them. "We will protect her,"
the alien told Tom and he nodded and moved to the biobed to lie down.
The Doctor, while curious about the visitors, attended to Tom's
injuries. By his primary programming he was a Doctor first and thus
those duties took precedent.

"You want answers," the orange-ish being said. "We have them. I am
Jura. This is Nie," it gestured to the blue one, "and he is Osa. The
one whom now resides within one of yours is new to us." It looked to
Tom, and Osa who stood beside the human, as though watching over him.
"Yuri is the one whom you now hold," it said to Chakotay. "Do not be
alarmed, Yuri will do you no harm, she only chose a host for
protection until the Relor are again under control and the Alorem
defence is mended. We regret that we could not protect her and that
harm came to your crewman but we must now ask that you help us. Yuri
has been weakened and will not under any circumstance within the next
eighty cycles be able to exist on her own. You are all that is keeping
her alive, Chakotay."

"How do you know my name?" he asked.

"We know because we asked him and he told us," Jura replied, not going
into detail about the faint telepathic link all of the Alorem shared.
"Your "Thomas" has been chosen, by Yuri, as her Alorem, her protector
and just as it is with all of us whom are bound, his sole purpose is
now to ensure your safety and the safety of the one who has joined
you."

"Eighty cycles," Chakotay mumbled to himself, hoping that it wasn't as
long as it sounded.

"Approximately fifteen days of your days. I apologize that it is so
long but Yuri must draw new energy and we must defeat the Relor."

"Why do you and the Relor fight each other?" Captain Janeway asked.

Nie answered this question. "They are our opponents," it said in a
deep and resounding voice so they labelled him as a male as well.
"They balance us as we balance them as it has been for many millennia.
However as of late the balance has been shifted and many of our Yuri
have been eliminated. The one you now have is our youngest Yuri, our
newest responsibility and our most fragile. That she should choose to
create a new Alorem so early is either a great testament to the
character of your "Thomas Paris" or a testament to her desperation."
Chakotay was betting it was the latter.

A white pulse of energy ran up Jura and "she" turned to the rest of
her kind. "We must leave. Relor," she informed them. Nie nodded and
after giving a slight bow he transformed into energy and vanished.
Jura was halfway through her transformation when she realized that Osa
was not following. "Osa. . . " her voice was hollow and seemed to have
no source. It was heard everywhere at once.

"One moment," he said and looked back to the man who now had bore a
deep responsibility. "I do not know you but you"ve been chosen, child.
Rest for now. It may be a long while before you can again." Tom stared
up at him without expression and gave a slight nod. Osa touched Tom's
face. White energy passed through the young man and he was
unconscious. The Doctor scanned him. "He is not harmed." The Doctor
glanced and the strange being and closed his tricorder. Osa moved away
from Tom and looked to the others. "We will return for our Yuri and
our Alorem. I'm sorry this meeting is brief but our own need
assistance," he faded away and a bodiless voice thanked them before
fading as well.

They all glanced around at each other, none of them knowing what to
say. Tom lay on the biobed oblivious to it all. Kathryn looked at
Chakotay and shrugged. "I guess you"re baby-sitting, Commander."

---

He wasn't sure whether he was grateful or not that they were no longer
on Voyager. It had been very difficult, these last several days.
Adjusting to his new status as 'Seo' and carrier of 'Yuri' had not
been so hard. What bothered him was his constant shadow –his 'Alorem'.
He glanced at the silent, watchful figure and returned to his
brooding. Why of all people, Tom Paris? Was this a cruel joke cooked
up by the spirits to test him, or punish him, or just annoy him? He
didn't know why this situation occurred but he knew that there was no
getting out of it. It would be a minimum of three more days before
'Yuri' was strong enough to leave him and even then it may not be safe
enough for the young energy being to go. Chakotay sighed quietly and
Tom glanced back at him before returning his gaze back to the expanse
before them.

Chakotay's eyes narrowed. Tom was suddenly very attuned to him. The
slightest changes in his mood or comfort seemed to be noticed by the
pilot. Sure, Tom had always been able to read him very well (something
which still irritated the hell out of the Commander since Tom used
that particular ability to annoy him, or he used to) but this was
taking it to an extreme that Chakotay was not comfortable with. It had
been bad enough walking around the corridors of Voyager with Tom at
his side or somewhere nearby. He swore he heard the crew laughing at
him once they thought he was out of earshot but he did not dwell on
it. He had a duty to do –to keep Yuri safe- and so did Tom. It was
plain to see that Paris took his new role as protector very seriously
and Chakotay was somewhat grateful that Paris wasn't being an ass
about it. No, it seemed that this time around their roles would be
reversed. This time Tom was the quiet protector and the one in charge,
while Chakotay was the subordinate and protectorate.

He looked at the PADD they had taken with the chronometer and noticed
that it was nearly 2300 ships time but on this planet the twin suns
were only starting to set. They'd been here four standard days. They'd
decided to leave Voyager, at least temporarily until this whole
situation was settled. There had been numerous attacks on Chakotay by
the Relor since this whole incident began and each progressive attack
caused more and more damage to both the ship and the crew. Usually the
Relor, another species of energy beings, attacked Alorem but it seemed
that the Relor where getting used to attacking matter and thus were
causing more damage with each incident. The day before they'd departed
two crewmen were badly injured during a Relor attack on the ship. To
Chakotay's surprise Tom had decided that they had to leave Voyager and
even when Chakotay protested the look in the pilot's eyes showed that
'no' was not an acceptable response, and so they'd taken a shuttle and
left, leaving only the briefest of messages to the Captain to explain
their sudden departure.

The trip to this M-class planet labelled by sensors simply as PLM-56H
was the fourth planet in a binary system. It had taken them eighteen
hours to get here by shuttle and Tom had masked their ion trail using
some Alorem trick or ability such that nobody could follow them. For
Chakotay it had been eighteen hours of quiet thought and silent
ranting mostly. There was nothing to keep him occupied other than
manning a station unnecessarily since Paris seemed to have everything
under control and all contingencies worked out. So Chakotay was left
to sit back and contemplate the situation. He now reminded himself
never to do so much steady thinking at once –he didn't like the
conclusions that his brain came up with.

He looked carefully over Tom and though his back was facing the
commander, Chakotay was aware of the wounds, bruises and scars that
addled Paris's body; marks that without proper medical treatment would
soon be permanent. Chakotay, like Tom, felt an awareness of the other
man now that he had Yuri but it seemed to be only an awareness of his
physical state as though Yuri needed to know the status of her guard
at all times. He felt a wave of sadness as he acknowledged that those
wounds were obtained while Tom was not only defending he and Yuri, but
also Voyager's crew. There was and intense loyalty in Paris that
Chakotay had only witnessed previously when Tom interacted with
Janeway, Harry and the other few whom Tom considered his close
friends. Somewhere within him, Chakotay wished that he belonged to
that elite group. Thanks to Yuri he'd been given that gift or curse,
at the moment he wasn't sure which.

What he was sure of, was that he couldn't take much more silence. Tom
hardly said more than a dozen words a day since this trip began -if he
was lucky. On Voyager it hadn't been so bad. There were other
distractions and other people to converse with. Tom had actually been
more comfortable on Voyager too. The two of them were even able to
hold a few civilised and even friendly conversations while they were
still on the ship. Now, however, it was different. Where was the
vivacious loud mouth that Chakotay had told to shut up on more than
one occasion? Suddenly he missed it. Maybe he just missed the normalcy
of what he had twelve days ago. That had to be it. There was no way he
missed Tom Paris's attitude. A beam of light shone into his eyes
making Chakotay squint and draw his hands up.

"Sorry, Seo," Tom said softly and moved his bat'leth to a different
position since the light had bounced off the smooth surface and into
Chakotay's eyes. Chakotay only nodded and returned his gaze to the
sunsets. Just a few more days –he could handle that. He looked at the
vivid bruise on Tom's forearm and hoped that Paris would survive this
mission. Suddenly, he had the unsettling thought that if Paris didn't
make it they'd be loosing a good man, a thought which a few days ago
he was not sure would have had, or at least acknowledged.

Meanwhile on Voyager, efforts continued to locate their two wayward
crewmen. It'd been over a week since they'd left the ship and the crew
had been searching for them ever since. Sure the message had said not
to look for them but they were not going to let Tom and Chakotay face
the threat of the Relor alone. They were one crew out here and they'd
leave no one to the mercy of someone who chose to be their enemy. Most
of the damage from the Relor attacks had been repaired as Lt. Torres
had her crews working double time to get the ship running at peak
efficiency. Her worry for the two missing men came out as hostility
but everybody seemed to understand and did their duties without
complaint. The command staff would have ignored any complaints anyway.
They were busy with more exigent matters.

Commander Tuvok walked onto the bridge and relieved Lt. Ayala from the
Tactical station. "The aft targeting sensor is off by point zero three
eight radians and the last security sweep revealed no Relor activity
in the area," Ayala informed Tuvok. Who nodded in typical Vulcan
fashion.

"Is there any new information regarding Commander Chakotay and
Lieutenant Paris?" Tuvok questioned.

"None sir," Ayala responded watching Tuvok carefully for any sign of
response. "But we'll find them," he said assuredly.

"That we will," Tuvok agreed and Ayala smiled a small smile.

The shift continued, Captain Janeway eventually making it to the
bridge and new search patterns and scanner modifications were tried in
an attempt to find their crewmen. When the sensors noted the energy
signature of the Alorem there was no longer any sense of surprise in
the crew. They'd received a few visits from these beings since the
first one. The Alorem had explained in more detail the changes to
Chakotay, which were very few and the changes to Paris, which were
numerous but as the Alorem repeatedly told them, not as far from the
man they know as what they might expect. The Alorem were always aware
of other Alorem and somewhat of the dormant Yuri, their location and
their state, but they were sketchy on the details, which worried the
Captain. She watched the dance of energy as the Alorem materialized
and recalled that they'd explained the reason for secrecy in one of
their last visits. They didn't want the Relor to pick up on any
communications between Tom and the other Alorem so they had limited
contact, keeping Yuri safe.

Two large beings appeared on the bridge, all eyes riveted on the
process of their travel. They looked directly at the Captain,
practically ignoring everybody else. The Alorem were like that
sometimes. All of their attention focussed on one thing, one goal
–much the way Tom had been before he'd left with the Commander.

"Welcome back," Janeway greeted, standing up. "Any news?"

'They are well, for now,' Nie responded.

'The Relor are preparing to mount a large attack. We feel them
fortifying their warriors. They will attack at once and no single
Alorem will be able to defend against them all,' Osa said in his usual
soft tone.

"They're in danger," Janeway stated. "We need their location so that
we can find and help them."

'No. You could not help them before and you cannot now. Your weapons
will not hurt them-'

"But Tom used a bat'leth." Harry blurted out and felt himself go red
as they all looked at him.

'True but he equipped the weapon with our energy making it an
effective weapon against the Relor.'

"Then maybe we could do the same," Janeway suggested and she watched
curiously as the Alorem looked at each other. This had never happened
before in all the millennia of their existence. Never had other beings
been able to or even offered to assist. Of course those matter-beings
had never been chosen to care fore one of their precious charges
before either. It seemed like this was the time to start breaking
records.

'We thank you for your help and will assist in any way possible to
ensure the best results,' Osa replied with a bow.

Chakotay ate another piece of fruit and licked his fingers. God, he
was hungry. He didn't know when last he'd eaten. Every once in while
Tom would go out and gather some of the local vegetation for them to
eat as they had abandoned the shuttle after cutting all power. Tom
worried that any energy signature would be enough for the Relor to
find them and he was not willing to take any chances.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Chakotay asked picking up his favourite
fruit. He noticed it was the last one of its kind. He'd eaten all of
them but one and Tom had eaten none. There were still other vegetables
but the one he had tasted the best.

"I'll eat later. You have to keep your strength, Seo," Tom said. "Yuri
needs you."

Chakotay tried to recall when he's seen Tom eat and found that he
couldn't. He knew the man ate. He'd noticed before a decrease in the
stockpile of food one time after he had awoken but he didn't think
that Tom was getting nearly enough. He held out the last of his
favourite fruit to Tom. "Eat it. That's an order lieutenant." Tom just
stared at him as though he didn't recognize him. He reached for on of
the blander vegetables and began eating that.

Tom turned back to the expanse outside their shelter, which was really
nothing more that a wide fissure in the side of an escarpment. "I
don't like those ones," Tom informed them. "They're sour."

Chakotay looked at Tom and opened himself to the awareness that he'd
been ignoring and suppressing since he'd discovered it. He felt a
series of wounds, some new and others, very old. He opened himself
more to it, testing the extent of this new ability and began to feel a
small fraction of the pain that Tom felt. Abruptly he stopped and
stared at the back of Tom's head with wide eyes. Just how badly was
Tom hurt? Chakotay had a bad feeling it was worse than he thought. He
moved over to the Tom in the confines of their shelter. Tom glanced at
him questioningly but since Chakotay was not hurt he did not ask.

"Tom did you bring the med kit?" Chakotay asked.

"Yes."

"Can I see it?" Chakotay asked.

"You're not hurt," Tom stated.

"But you are."

"We can't risk it. The energy signature of the regenerator might alert
them to our location."

"But you're hurt."

"I'll live."

Chakotay glared at the stubborn man. "Are you sure?" Tom didn't
respond. He wasn't sure and the silence only made Chakotay worry more.

The last day of the eighty cycles had come and gone and Chakotay had
started to feel the effects of the being within him. Tom had explained
what he knew of Yuri to Chakotay, saying that their energies where not
the same, or even close, so there was interference which caused the
nausea and disorientation that Chakotay was experiencing. Tom
estimated that Yuri would leave him within twenty-four hours. It was
now just as uncomfortable for Yuri to be within the Commander as it
was for the Commander to have Yuri within him.

Voyager was speeding towards a small planet which they'd been informed
held Chakotay and Paris. They had not been given any details about
their condition and thus the entire crew waited tensely for any news
on the missing men. The modified weapons were almost ready though they
were untested and thus their effectiveness was not known. The Alorem
had infused four torpedoes with some of their energy. Modifications to
the phasers were also made, however, the type of energy that the
Alorem had indicated would be harmful to the Relor was beyond the
range of the phaser banks and thus the modifications would only work
temporarily against the Relor.

"We're in visual range," Ensign Hamilton stated from the helm.

"On screen," the Captain ordered and the viewscreen change from an
expanse of stars to planet with a few large bodies of water but mostly
desert and a few scattered forests. "Scan the surface for lifesigns."

There were several seconds of silence as Harry did so. "No lifesigns,"
he announced trying to hide his disappointment.

Janeway walked down to the Conn. "Are these the coordinates we were
given?"

"Yes Captain," the pilot replied.

"Captain, I've found the shuttle on sensors," said Kim. "All the
systems have been shut down."

"Well then they must be down there somewhere-" her words were cut off
as the ship went to red alert and warnings sounded.

"Relor!" Harry announced. They'd added a subcommand to the computer
that whenever Relor energy signatures were locate in close proximity
to Voyager the ship would go to red alert. They'd had too many
surprise attacks from these beings.

"Send a broad range signal to the surface. Tell them that were here
and so are the Relor. If they have their commbadges they may be able
to get it even through the interference cause by the Relor."

Kim nodded and did as she instructed. After a few moments he told
them, "there's no response and I'm detecting what may be Relor energy
signatures forming on the surface."

"Harry, run continuous scans of the surface. The moment they show up
on sensors, I want Tom and Chakotay beamed to sickbay." She didn't
wait for him to acknowledge. She turned back to the viewscreen and
wondered what the hell was going on down there.

It had started with a tingling feeling moving down his back –a
warning. With slow careful movements he raised his bat'leth to the
ready and carefully scanned the area with his eyes for Relor. Chakotay
watched Tom's movements and wondered what was going on. Tom turned and
his eyes were caught by something behind the commander. He gripped the
weapon tightly and it began to glow with a low energy. "Seo, don't
move," Tom ordered and slowly approached, crouching in the small
shelter. Chakotay's eyes followed his movements and worried. As he
contemplated what the problem was and wondered how long it would take
for them to get to the shuttle and power it up again, a shadow past
before his eyes but before he could react Tom had swung the bat'leth.
His movements had been so quick the only true evidence that Tom had
moved at all was the breeze that he felt on his arm and side, and the
mass of energy that went white and then disintegrated around him.

"We have to move," Tom said and helped Chakotay out of the cave.

"Where to?" Chakotay asked feeling winded even after such little
movement.

Tom looked around. "We have to stay close to the mountains. The denser
the mass, the more difficult it is for the Relor to get to us." It
made some sense to Chakotay. From what he'd learnt of the Relor and
Alorem they were both capable of taking on physical and energy states
but they were vulnerable in the physical state. When in their more
powerful energy state they move best through a vacuum. In turn,
materials were the inter-atomic spacing was larger like gases they
could move fairly well but not so much through solids where the
spacing was smaller.

They had only begun to walk away from their previous hideout when
suddenly Tom grabbed him and pulled them both to the ground. Around
them lights began to flash as though something was hitting a
forcefield around them. He heard Tom breathing heavily and felt the
man's movements on his back. Chakotay turned his head to see the
younger man's face and found that it was creased with pain. "Tom,"
Chakotay breathed.

The eyes flew open and such raw pain and strength was visible in the
blue depths of his eyes. Their eyes met and held. This moment was
burned into his memory and would be a source of comfort and sorrow for
many years to come. The assault on the barrier increased and Tom and
Chakotay were bathed in white light. Tom's body tensed and a tingling
feeling rushed over him as he strained to continue protecting them.

There was a sudden decrease in the assault and Tom sighed in what
Chakotay assumed was relief. When the attacks stopped Tom moaned and
slowly rolled off Chakotay. They were both breathing heavily but Tom
didn't waste time to catch his breath. He reached for his bat'leth and
visually scanned the area. He rose to a crouch.

A dozen meters away familiar swirls of energy coalesced and
approached. Chakotay recognized Osa and Nie but the other one was made
up of a much darker energy almost black with dark grey clothing. It
glided past Chakotay to Tom who seemed to have trouble breathing. Osa
and Nie went Chakotay but the commander noticed that much of Osa's
attention was on Tom. Looking behind him Chakotay saw the dark being
run some of its energy over Tom's body almost like a scanner. It
looked to Osa and a silent message was sent between the two.

"Is he alright?" Chakotay asked. Despite the situation he was still
the commanding officer and therefore Tom was his responsibility. Osa
didn't respond but if Chakotay was reading the strangely plain but no
less handsome features of Osa correctly the news was not good.

Chakotay turned but was kept from moving towards Tom by Nie. A sudden
sound nearly caused the Commander to jump out of skin. There had been
almost total silence after the attack but then the voice of Kathryn
Janeway was heard from Chakotay's commbadge. Tom had set the
commbadges to be used only as passive receiving devices so that they
could only receive transmissions not send them –nor could the device
work as a homing beacon.

The message was unclear due to some unknown interference but Chakotay
got the gist of it. Voyager was in orbit looking for them but their
lifesigns weren't showing up. Chakotay asked Nie, whose attention he
had, "Why can't they find us?"

"Thomas has masked your bio readings. It was a very intelligent thing
to do. Most of us would likely have over looked the energy created by
physical forms and the Relor would have found you much earlier," Nie
responded.

"They're coming back," Tom said softly and rose painfully to his feet.
Even the Alorem seemed dismayed by the pool of blood at his feet that
had dribble down his side.

"Shit." Chakotay moved to Paris.

"I'll survive," Tom said with tired version of his usual smirk but
Chakotay was relieved to see it. He couldn't be hurt that badly if he
could still be a smart-ass. He looked to Osa and Nie and spoke to them
in a language that Chakotay did not recognize and the translator could
not decipher.

Osa responded but seemed mildly surprised that Thomas knew their
language. He was becoming rather fond of this young one and hoped that
when this was over Thomas would continue to astound him for a long
time to come. "Send a message to your ship," Osa ordered to Chakotay
who removed his commbadge and set it to send messages. "The Relor will
return quickly and the window of opportunity will be small."

"Why?" Chakotay asked as he placed the protective casing back on the
device.

"Our energy signatures as well as the Relor's are interfering with
your transporters. We will leave so that you may be returned but once
we do the Relor will no doubt attack in full force."

Chakotay nodded. He contacted the Captain and gave them a rundown of
the situation while Osa spoke to Tom who never took his eyes off
Chakotay even for a moment.

"You enjoy his company, child?" Osa asked quietly and like a
patronizing elder who already knew the answer.

"Yes, but the circumstances are not quite as pleasant," Tom responded
blandly.

Osa smiled. "Sometimes it takes tragedy and hardship to push people
together."

"They're ready. The modified weapons are still on stand-by but the
Relor energy levels need to be higher before the targeting sensors
will work." Chakotay glanced at the dark energy being who radiated
warmth and comfort. It seemed to be unable to create a fully physical
form unlike Nie and Osa. He'd have to save his questions until later.

"We'll be near. Good luck." Nie nodded and vanished followed by the
dark one and then Osa.

Chakotay didn't waste any time and immediately tapped his commbadge.
"Chakotay to Voyager, two to beam up." For several seconds they waited
and Tom visibly tensed. His eyes darted around seemingly locating and
counting numerous enemies. He stepped closer to Chakotay putting
himself between Seo and those who would hurt him. "Chakotay to
Voyager, what's the problem?"

". . . static. . . .transporter band. . . .static. . . "

"Repeat! What's the problem?" Chakotay yelled. Tom took a step
backwards –closer to Chakotay. The message repeated and it sounded
like Harry but they couldn't be sure. Apparently there were energy
fluctuations in the transporter confinement beam causing a feedback
and inhibiting transport.

"Purge the transporter buffer!" Tom ordered. "You've taken a Relor and
it can't be rematerialized without modifications to the compensators!"

"A purge will kill it," Chakotay half protested.

"Only if we're lucky. It's them or us, Chakotay."

Chakotay realized that it was the first time since Tom had called him
anything other than Seo since this began. He didn't have time to
comment on it. From nowhere spikes of energy lanced around them. Tom
deflected most with his bat'leth but as more attacks came he had to
again resort to creating a barrier to protect them. The Klingon weapon
was discarded and Tom resorted to whatever Alorem abilities he had
been given to defend them. The attacks were more numerous and more
powerful than before. Although the blast did not directly hit them the
shockwave that it produced within the confines of the barrier knocked
them to their knees –first Chakotay and then Tom.

The size and shape of the barrier changed from second to second. When
a blast struck it, it warped and got smaller but given enough time
there was a recovery. However the time between the blasts was not
sufficient for full recovery and as a result the barrier volume
continued to decrease. Chakotay moved to stay within the confines but
noticed that Tom didn't and the barrier continued to shrink.

"Paris, move in!" Chakotay yelled but was ignored. "Damn it!" He moved
towards Paris but wasn't fast enough. His strength seemed to be
leaving him as Yuri became stronger. In the end he could only watch as
Tom slipped past the barrier and into the foray of the battle.

The sounds astounded him. He didn't expect it to be so loud out here.
It was deafening in its volume and pitch –the low pulses where loud
enough to shake the ground but the shrill whine of the air being
charged by the energy was high enough to crack crystal. Tom brought
his hand to his ears but was careful not to let the barrier drop. More
blows rained down on him when the Relor decided to shift their assault
to the one creating the barrier rather than the structure itself. It
was not the smartest tactical move they could have made.

Without the constant bombardment the structure recovered and increased
in size, slowly but surely. Chakotay crawled along with the barrier,
cautiously moving forward. If the attack began again he'd have to move
back quickly but until then he was going to try and get Paris. The
barrier stopped growing just as it reached Tom's back and began being
hit by some of the attacks aimed at Tom. Chakotay waited anxiously for
the barrier to grow, totally ignoring the bright bursts of light
around him. Just one more centimeter and he'd be able to reach him.

Elsewhere but not too far away they watched hoping against all odds
that the Voyager crew would be able to get the two men. Their young
Alorem was weakening and this assault was too much for him.

'We must help.'

'We can't.' the white one responded. He felt the outrage of his
companion touch him and it only served intensify his guilt about the
current situation.

Nie's body pulsed and glowed with pent up rage. Rage at the situation,
rage at Thomas, but mostly rage at his own inability to help. It was
there place to defend Yuri not the humans. Those fragile little beings
were not built to resist this sort of attack. They barely had a
concept of what was occurring and yet they'd left them to defend
themselves against their enemy. 'They are killing him!' Nie hissed.

Osa's pained response quieted the protests of those around him. 'I
know.'

He waited and waited know that each second that passed was one more
where Tom suffered from wound after wound and one of those may just
kill him. A slight ease in the fighting was all he needed and he got
it when phaser fire and photon torpedoes crashed down from the sky as
though Zeus was angered. Clouds of dust were kicked up by the blast
and there were shockwaves of energy from the weapons, which Chakotay
surmised came from the modifications the Alorem had made. The blast
knocked Chakotay backward onto his rear but the barrier grew several
centimetres. The Commander lunged forward and grabbed the back of
Tom's shirt which was wet to the touch. He pulled back and Tom was
finally in the safety of the barrier with him.

"Spirits, Paris! The next time you do that I'll have your head,"
Chakotay barked but was more worried than he sounded. His hands were
covered in blood and it wasn't his. "Shit," Chakotay cursed as the
attacks started to pick up again. "Where are the Alorem?" he asked of
Paris.

Tom was attempting to rise but having much difficult doing so. "They
can't come," he coughed bringing up some blood. He absently wiped his
face with the back of his hand. "Transporters won't work with them
here," he said softly.

"Then what do we do?"

Tom looked at him and noted the tension in Seo. He wouldn't fail
him/her. He'd get Seo out of this even if he didn't get to go with
him. "Sit down and close your eyes," Tom said and moved behind the
Commander. Chakotay sat warily but didn't close his eyes. When he felt
Tom's arm's wrap around him from behind and the body press into his
back he tensed at the nearness but it faded and Chakotay began to
relax. For some reason he felt more than safe. He felt. . . cherished.
He revelled in the comfort of it for as long as possible, cataloguing
it, memorizing it in case he never felt it again. At least he'd have
this to look back on and keep him somewhat warm.

Tom closed his eyes and concentrated. He could do this, he told
himself. He had little choice-he would not fail them not this time. He
didn't feel the change in his body as all his energy was gathered.
Chakotay on the other hand felt a tingling wherever Tom and he were in
contact. Chakotay looked down at Tom's arms and saw a faint glow
emanating from him.

"Harry, what's going on down there?" Janeway asked looking at the
display on the screen. There were faint energy beings flitting across
that surface of the planet and a whole lot of what she assumed was
weapons fire. There was no sign of Chakotay and Tom.

"I'm detecting a build up Alorem energy from the center of the clash.
It's gone!" Harry announced sounding startled and a moment later there
was a spectacular burst of light and energy from the planet's surface.
A wave of energy spread across the surface of the planet like a
ripple, with Tom and Chakotay at its origin.

There was another pulse of energy from the same location only this
time the energy shot straight up parting the clouds as it passed and
causing a shudder to pass through Voyager. An instant later the
display was over and two clear lifesigns were located by sensors
surrounded by a few Relor.

"I have them," Kim said.

"Get them up here!" she barked. They were out of the modified weapons
and the phasers no longer had much effect on the Relor. They had to
get them back in the lull of activity or they may not get another
chance.

"I can't get a lock. I'm going to try a sweep transport."

On the surface there was only a low rumble that emanated from the
earth as the wave of energy passed over it. Even on the other side of
the planet they could still feel its power and just as suddenly as it
had begun, it stopped. Silence was held for several seconds.

"Did it work?" Chakotay asked softly. He looked around and saw nothing
but barren landscape and the mountain range. There was no sign of the
Relor. He felt the arms around him slacken and the warmth at his back
fall away. "Tom!"

Tom felt as though he was watching a vid. He saw the energy destroy
many of the Relor and push many of them back into their realm. He
watched as his body fell to the ground watery blue eyes staring
sightlessly up ward. He watched Chakotay move frantically to him and
touch him. He felt the touch on his face and the worry of his Seo and
knew that if he was going to die it wasn't going to be now.

"Tom, look at me!" Chakotay yelled. He held his breath as he waited
for a response. He touched the side of Tom's pale face and was
dismayed at the cool and clammy feel. "Tom, look at me!" The eyes
snapped to his and Chakotay smiled in relief at the recognition he saw
there. He didn't notice at first when the setting changed.

He looked around noting the shuttles and the large bay doors of the
vast room –the shuttle bay. He felt Tom stir. He was trying to sit up
and Chakotay moved to help him. He felt infinitely better being back
on Voyager but still worried that the crew would be in danger. He had
just helped Tom into a sitting position when he felt the first flare
of pain within him. He froze.

Tom looked quickly to him having felt the change. He briefly saw a
wave of familiar energy. "Yuri," he whispered. Tom looked around and
saw the Relor energy forms coming. Yuri's signature was far more
noticeable than his or Seo's especially now that Yuri was no longer
dormant. "You have to go," Tom said to Yuri. He looked at Chakotay's
face that was twisted in a grimace of pain and wished he could take
that pain away. "I'll protect you, both of you, always." A pause.
"Please, you're hurting him," Tom whispered, the pain and fatigue
making his voice hoarse.

The doors to the shuttle bay opened and Captain Janeway and full
security team entered. They noted the masses of energy forming and
gestured for the officers to take aim but not fire, not yet. They were
left to watch from a distance the removal of Yuri from Chakotay. The
being seemed to pour out from him into the air and coalesce into the
form they had first encountered those many days ago. Chakotay hunched
over and held his sides as Yuri left him.

"Osa," Tom called softly knowing that he'd come and take Yuri to
safety. He had to get Yuri out of here before the Relor were able to
attack her. A portal opened and after flying once around Tom and
Chakotay as though thanking them, she left through the opening into
the safe haven of her realm.

The officers witnessing the event expected the Relor to fade away when
their target left but they were not so fortunate. They continued to
develop and once there were fully formed they attacked Tom and the
Commander.

"Fire at will!" Janeway ordered and raised her own weapon. The beings
decreased in number but it took some work as phasers had little effect
on them. They just had to weaken them enough so that they realised it
was not such a good idea to stay and try to enact their vengeance.
Soon it was quiet again. Cautiously they rose from their positions and
moved closer to Paris and Chakotay. Tuvok ordered a few of the
officers to secure the premises.

Janeway smiled as she approached them but it faltered and fell when
she got a good look at them. Chakotay looked tired but other wise
fine, Tom however was another matter. His uniform was tattered and
burned. Rivulets of blood ran down his hands and dropped to the metal
floor. What was left of his grey shirt was stained a deep red by his
blood. His eyes had lost their sparkle; they were haunted and glassy.
She didn't hesitate to tap her commbadge and call for an emergency
medical beam out as soon as possible. With the residual Relor and
Alorem energy it may take some time and she was unsure if Tom had any
to spare.

"Why are we in the shuttlebay?" Chakotay rasped in a voice that sounded
dry and unused. He stepped from around Paris to look at his Captain.
His hand still rubbed at his midsection.

"The energy caught in the transport couldn't be safely contained
anywhere but here," she explained shortly. She could get into the
details later.

Without warning Tom took a step forward and to his left, just in front
of Chakotay. The watched curiously and with a fair amount of worry as
Tom reached out to touch something that they could not see. It was
eerily reminiscent of what Chakotay had done on the bridge when Yuri
had first appeared to them. Just before he touched it something
startled him and he stepped backward. He gestured for everyone to back
away. They did so. Tom raised both his hands, palms facing outward.
There was a clash of two different energies and the other being became
visible. The security officers quickly fired at it but there was of no
consequence the modifications were no longer effective against the
Relor.

Janeway barked orders and Tuvok recalibrated his phaser with no
effect. Their eyes caught the outline of something that looked like a
blade or spear within the Relor energy being but didn't have time to
utter a warning before the weapon shot out. Thankfully it was
deflected by Tom's barrier and the being retreated to its own realm.

Tom turned around to ask Chakotay if he was all right. The wide-eyed
startled look on Chakotay's face confused him briefly until his
connection to Seo allowed him to understand. He turned half way around
and raised his hand hoping to defend them from the sudden assault. A
large Relor had quickly formed and so had its deadly blade. Its intent
was clear –kill Seo. With lightening speed the spike race forward and
after only a momentary pause, it passed through Tom' barrier. The
Relor weapon had, for a moment, a physical presence –allowing it
interact with matter –passing through the air, Tom's clothing and into
the flesh at his side. He gasped and would have collapse but the
weapon held his weight. Tom felt it moving through him. It would get
through him and then it would kill Chakotay. He wouldn't allow that to
happen. He did what he'd done many times before but this time with new
desperation. He was weaker now than he had been before and he wasn't
sure if he had enough energy to kill this one.

He placed his hand on the weapon that protruded from his body and
concentrated. 'Osa, help me. Please. . . '. Tom could swear he saw a
hand over his own just before the Relor began to revert to millions of
tiny particles. It vanished nearly instantaneously and Tom staggered.

Before the others could reach them Chakotay had Tom in his arms,
supporting the man as his strength gave out. Chakotay collapsed to his
knees still holding him. The pilot's head was on his shoulder. He felt
the faltering breaths leave Tom's body. "Get him to sickbay!" Chakotay
yelled not taking his eyes of the blonde head next to his.

Tuvok did as Chakotay instructed and contacted the transporter room
but it would not be enough. Before their very eyes Tom began to
disintegrate just as had happened to the Relor a moment ago. "Tom,
hang on!" Janeway said moving to his side and laying a hand on his
shaking shoulder. His face was tight with pain. He mouthed something
softly. Only Chakotay's ear was close enough to hear him.

"No, no, no! You're going to be fine," Chakotay told him in a shaking
voice. "You're going to be fine." He sounded as though he was trying
to convince himself and still Tom repeated the same thing over and
over again. His chest began to convert to energy and vanish. The
tingling feeling passed under Chakotay's hands and he held on tighter
as though his strength could hold Tom together long enough for them to
get help. Where were the Alorem? Why weren't they here?

The process continued, moving up his neck to his head and even his
hair until in a fading glow of light the particles disappeared. His
weight vanished as the last particle began to fade. Chakotay's arms
which only a moment ago had been holding a solid person collapsed to
his own chest as the other man vanished. He held them there with his
eyes close for many moments unwilling to acknowledge the truth. When
he finally opened his eyes there was nothing. His arms were empty –the
weight and the warmth were gone. Staring at the empty space he rocked
back to his haunches screaming silently to himself that he had to do
something. His breathing rate increased until it was nearly painful.
Closing his shaking hands into fists he bowed his head and did nothing
to hide the tears that slipped from his eyes.

It was over. They'd fought and they'd lost. They'd lost Tom and
Chakotay felt something in his heart go as well.

He could still feel Tom whisper in his ear. "I'm sorry. I failed. I'm
sorry. . . .

---

The mood of the crew was subdued. The news of the loss of Tom Paris
spread quickly and quietly throughout the crew but even after
twenty-four hours Captain Janeway had not made an official
announcement. She had held out hope that somehow Tom would be found
but now she knew she was just delaying the inevitable. Nobody was in a
hurry for her to make the announcement anyway. They'd underestimated
the role that Tom played on Voyager and his loss was difficult to
accept. The worst part of it was that Tom had died thinking that he
was hated by the majority of the crew. The truth was Tom had proven
himself time and time again during their journey the problem was that
most people never had the opportunity to tell him that their opinion
had changed. Even those who a few days ago would never had admitted to
being Tom Paris' friend were now part of the fan club. There would
always be those who disliked him but they could not doubt his skill at
the helm or his loyalty to the crew.

The details of Tom's demise where not made public officially. Chakotay
had yet to file a report on the incident and those who had been in the
shuttle bay when Tom had vanished had not spread what had happened
unless specifically asked. The result was that the few who knew the
details were well informed, which meant that there were no wild
rumours regarding such a serious matter. For one, Harry Kim was
grateful that he didn't hear any rumours. He was having trouble
dealing with Tom's death. In public he was still the same old Harry, a
little more subdued but still Harry. Off duty and away from prying
eyes it was a different story. In his quarters he was restless and
even playing his clarinet wasn't the same. He recalled when Tom used
to sit and just listen to him practice and no matter how badly he
played Tom always enjoyed it. It was more than a shame that he'd never
be able to share little moments like that with Tom again but he wasn't
just ready to let go yet. That's how one night he found himself
standing in front of Tom's quarters. It seemed like it'd been ages
since he was in there last. Harry punched in Tom's code and walked in.

Tom's belonging hadn't been moved out yet. Harry doubted that anybody
had even thought about emptying Tom's quarters. He looked around the
familiar room recognizing the artefacts therein and recalling the
stories behind them. He could see the clothing and other apparel
haphazardly thrown about the sleeping area and the stack of vid files
had toppled, probably during the last battle. One thing that Harry not
expected to see in Tom's quarters was the first officer sitting in a
chair in the back corner. In his hands he clasped one of Tom's shirts.
It had probably been thrown over the chair by Tom. Harry glanced
around trying to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him but
when he looked back Chakotay was still there. It was well into gamma
shift, nearly 0300. Of all the places he would have expected to find
Chakotay, Tom's quarters was not among them.

"Commander, what are you doing here?" Harry asked slowly.

Chakotay looked up from his dark corner. "I could ask you the same
thing." He place the shirt on the back of the chair where he'd found
it and looked at Harry again. "I'm not sure why I'm here." Chakotay
had found himself restless in his quarters. It was a familiar feeling.
He'd felt this way before the encounter with the Alorem. It had caused
him to lash out at people, especially Tom, and he was still unsure as
to why. He'd been unable to meditate recently and thus he'd come here
seeking answers in the waking world. "Harry, can I ask you something?"
Harry continued to stare at him and didn't look too friendly. "Did Tom
hate me?"

Harry laughed harshly. "Hate you?" He looked up at the ceiling, trying
to find the words he needed. "You really have no idea." Harry sat
heavily on the couch and fingered the keys of his clarinet. "He didn't
hate you. I don't think he ever did." Harry smiled at a memory. "I
don't think he ever could." Before Chakotay could ask another question
Harry began to play his clarinet and Chakotay was loath to stop the
soothing sound. He knew that Tom used to listen to Harry play the
clarinet. He supposed the Ensign just wanted to feel close to Tom
again. Maybe that's the reason he'd come here as well.

When he closed his eyes and listen to the music he saw the last week
flash before him like a slide show. His most cherished memories of
that time also brought the most hurt. He recalled the pain he'd seen
in Tom's eyes when they'd been on the planet. He remembered the feel
of Tom's arms around him and even when he had thought all was lost he
had still felt safe there. He didn't know if he'd ever feel that way
again. He hoped so. Chakotay decided to leave the contemplation for
other lonely moments, of which he was sure there would be many. For
now he just wanted to listen.

The hauntingly sweet sound from the clarinet filled the room and the
presence of two of the greatest forces in Tom's life of recent years
brought life to the once cold and empty room. With Tom's absence it
was just another room, but just for while they could imagine that it
wasn't –just until the last note died.

It had now been two days since Tom's death and Captain Janeway decided
that she could not put off making the announcement and entering it
into the log. Currently she was sitting on the bridge thinking through
the long silences that deck one was now prone to. She stared at the
helm and sighed silently. To her left Chakotay sat rigid –lost
somewhere in his thoughts and memories. Kathryn had been surprised at
how hard Chakotay had taken Tom's loss. She wondered what he and Tom
had shared when they were away from Voyager. She was curious but
refrained from asking.

She sat staring alternately at the viewscreen and then at Pablo
Baytart who was at the helm. He'd be the new Chief Helmsman once Tom's
death was logged. She continued to sit there. She was putting off the
inevitable but writing it in the log would make it official and force
those who would hold on, to give up. Usually she was more practical,
less emotional, but this crew had become her family and giving up
family was never easy, no matter the circumstances.

Rubbing at her eyes she sat forward in her chair trying to capture the
strength to get her to the ready room where she could make the log.
Just as she was about to stand a small thread of light appeared on the
centre of the bridge. At first she didn't know what it could be but
then she realized that they had not seen the Alorem (or the Relor)
since the incident. Seems the Alorem had finally decided to pay them a
visit. Janeway sat back a waited for the light show to end.

The usual duties continued as the Alorem appeared. Few lingered to
watch anymore. There was a sense of hostility towards the Alorem that
seemed to have permeated the majority of the crew. The hostility would
fade of course but it was easy to blame the Alorem for recent events.
They put the whole ship in danger, hijacked the first officer to hide
one of their own and used the chief helmsman as a human shield. And
only after two days did they decide to visit Voyager. It was just too
easy to dislike people when you're in such an enclosed environment
like Voyager. The crew needed someone to direct their anger at. For
the first leg of their journey it was Tom and to an extent it still
was, but without him it looked like the Alorem were going to be taking
his place.

Three forms appeared. A blue one, Nie, a black one and a white one,
Osa. Osa looked larger than usual and appeared less distinct –more
like energy than matter. It was Nie who spoke first. 'Captain Janeway.
Seo.' he greeted each with a nod. Janeway nodded in return. Chakotay
just sat and stared with restrained anger. 'I'm sorry to bother you at
this time but it was most important that we meet with you.' Nie looked
over to Osa and then back to the commanding officers. 'We have
something that belongs to you.'

"What would that be?" Captain Janeway asked. She wasn't even trying to
follow what Nie was saying.

Osa stepped forward a little and became a little more solid. He tilted
his head back and allowed that hood that he usually wore to fall back.
The Voyager crew had never realised that the Alorem wore hoods. It was
usually fairly hard to see details on them due to their aura; without
the hood though they could see almost everything. Osa had pure white
hair that moved in invisible currents. His eyes were slender and white
and had a pearly shine to them. His skin was pale and the smooth curve
of his face was slightly interrupted by a fine nose and slender lips.
The other two beings followed Osa's example and removed their hoods as
well. They all looked very similar except for their colour and slight
changes to their facial structure. Osa's face was masculine but Nie's
jaw was sharper and his eyes more harsh. The black being had very
similar features to Osa except that they were feminine and the eyes
where a silvery-grey that slowly shifted hues like plumes of smoke.

Osa looked at Chakotay and smiled. The motion was hazy as the movement
caused a minute reversion to energy. When he spoke the movements of
his mouth did not seem exact enough to produce the words they heard.
'Five cycles ago there was a disturbance in our space. Unbalanced
energy was brought to us. It would have faded and died but it didn't.
I went to it and with help,' looking to the Alorem next to him, 'it
was saved.'

"What was this 'it'?" Janeway asked her suspicions rising.

'Thomas.'

Looking down she shook her head. "Tom died two days ago."

'No. He was cast into our realm but he could not survive there.
Unbalanced energy fades. It dies, unless we intervene. We did.'

Kathryn stood. "Tom's alive?" The whole bridge was listening.

Osa nodded. 'A little different, injured, but alive.' No one said
anything. The silence extended so Osa continued. 'I had to help him.
He'd done so much for us and for Seo. He was already one of our
brothers in spirit. Now he's one of us in body as well.'

"What do you mean? Where is he?" inquired Kathryn.

'A template was required to make him one of us. I volunteered. Tom's
right here,' Osa whispered and looked down into his arms, 'and
he's...my son.'

They'd overlooked the bulge in his arms before as other things had
held their attention but now they could see why Osa had looked bigger
that his nine-foot form usually was. Kathryn moved closer. There was a
thin fabric covering the bundle in his arms. The dark being gently
pulled the white cloth away causing it to fade into nothing and
revealing the man beneath. Kathryn was stunned. She brought a hand to
cover her mouth. "Tom?" Harry whispered from somewhere behind her. The
dark being placed a hand on Tom and a pulse of energy passed over him.
She looked up to Osa and shook her head sadly before moving away. Osa
looked disheartened by the news but didn't share the reason for his
pain with them. Instead he shifted Tom in his arms so that he could
support him with one arm, freeing the other. This allowed those
present to get a better look.

He still looked like Tom. The hair was lighter than they remember
–more gold and less red in it and even some white highlights. His face
was the same but the features were softer less sharp, more like Osa's.
Osa touched his face and gently called his name. When the eyes opened
they were still the same blue they'd always been. 'Paka.' Osa smiled
at him and looked at the Voyager crew. Tom followed his gaze. 'Why?'
he asked. His skin looked pale from the aura that emanated from both
him and Osa and his voice was weak but had the same hollow echo as the
other Alorem.

'You're hurt, Thomas. You need them. And this is where you belong.'

He tried to shake his head but the movement cause too much pain. 'No.'
He closed his eyes. 'I don't want to be here.' He turned away from
them and whispered. 'They hate me.' In the silence some were still
able to hear him. 'I want to go home. . . '

'You don't believe that,' Osa said. He put Tom's feet to the ground
and allowed him to stand under his own strength. He was barely able
to. Osa stayed very close to him as Tom looked around. There was
hardly any recognition on his face. As he looked at them the crew was
also looking at him. His robe left his arms bare and they could see
marks criss-crossing areas of his skin.

'I'm tired.' Tom hung his head. The world was spinning and he couldn't
get it to stop. Why was he back here? He wanted to go home.

'Captain Janeway, we're unfamiliar with you're physiology, hence our
healing methods are not entirely effective on Thomas. Could you have
your physician look at him?'

"Of course."

'I said, I don't want to be here,' Tom grumbled and tried to move
away. His legs gave out and Osa caught him as he fell and gently put
him down.

Osa whispered something to him and then asked. 'Are you sure?' Tom
chose to look away rather than answer and Osa ran a hand through the
gold hair. 'We'll visit, Thomas. We don't abandon our own. If you
still want to come back with us in a few rotations then you can come
but not until then.'

'Paka. . . '

'I'll be back soon.' He hugged the smaller man and stood. 'Captain, I
hope you don't mind but he's still part of your people and right now I
think he needs you more.'

Tom said something in a language the Voyager's didn't know. It sounded
like a curse and judging from the look on Osa's face, it was. Tom
suddenly reverted to mostly energy and was getting up. With little
mass, movement was much easier but with his injuries it was still slow
–too slow to defend himself. Osa touched him and he reverted back to
matter. He fell to the ground and was unable to get up or change back
into energy.

"What. . . "

'I'm sorry Thomas, but you have to stay for now.' The blue eyes
pleaded with him not to go. Nie opened a portal and bowed before
leaving the dark being did the same. Osa was the last to leave. He
gave his son a soft smile and passed through the portal. Tom closed
his eyes. His breathing was uneven. He hadn't been in this form since
his 'death' and the intricacies of living as a human were proving to
be harder to recall than expected.

"Tom?" he recognized the voice.

"Harry." He opened his eyes and saw Harry kneeling next to him. His
friend's eyes were moist with tears. "What's wrong?"

Harry shook his head. "I'm just glad you're back." His smile was weak
but Tom had missed seeing it. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad here. He
glanced around and saw the Captain and Baytart and they looked glad to
see him but Chakotay not so much. He closed his eyes and pushed away
the unwanted feelings. He attempted to get up but his muscles
protested. With Harry's help he managed to stand but was leaning
heavily on the ensign. "We should get you to sickbay," Harry
suggested. Tom nodded once. It was all he could manage. Janeway nodded
to the ensign who had moved to Harry's station and had them beamed to
sickbay. Bridge activity slowly returned and Janeway sat back heavily
in her chair. It seemed she wouldn't have to write that dreaded log
after all. She smiled to herself. After a minute or two she announced
she was heading to sickbay and left the bridge to Chakotay.

Chakotay sat in silence for several moments. His mind was in shock.
Tom was back. Tom was back! He had another chance. A chance at what,
he wasn't sure but there was hope. Maybe something would change, maybe
this feeling he had but did not want to identify would go away.
Chakotay looked over his shoulder at the Ops console to see Kim and
how he was handling Tom's sudden return. The person he saw though was
not Ensign Kim. For a moment Chakotay was confused but then he
recalled Kim was transported away with Tom. His mind had been
elsewhere at the time and he only recalled vaguely that Tom could not
even stand on his own and needed Harry's help. Chakotay turned back
around and wondered what was going on in Sickbay. Was Tom alright? The
idea that he wasn't created and knot of dread that Chakotay had not
expected. Maybe he should be there, he pondered.

Meanwhile in Sickbay the being professed to be Tom Paris was
unconscious on the biobed. When he had first arrived it was apparent
that he was in pain. The Doctor decided to sedate him for the time
being. The Doctor began his scans and catalogued the new data he
acquired. Looking over the scans there was a lot to review but even
just in appearance there was a lot to take in. The Doctor had
transported Tom's clothing off of him and Tom now lay under a sterile
medical blanket. His clothes continued to flow and glow somewhat as
some of the matter-energy conversion continued but the attention of
the two Starfleet officers was not on Tom's strange clothing but on
Tom himself.

After getting over the shock of seeing Tom again they started to
really notice the changes in Tom's appearance. The two officers stood
side-by-side and simply stared. The Doctor's ministrations went on
unnoticed by them. The medical blanket covered up to Tom's chest but
didn't reach his shoulders. There were marks scattered over his skin.
No doubt they were scars from the fights he'd had against the Relor.
Despite Osa's claims that Tom was now his son biologically, they were
relieved to see that there was no major physiological change in him as
far as they could tell. His facial features however were a little
different and this is where most of their attention was focussed. His
skin seemed paler than before-a lighter cream colour- whether that was
due to his injuries or if it was just his new skin tone they were not
sure. His features were softer. The sharp masculine edges were still
there but they were prettier somehow. Harry snorted at the thought
earning him a confused glance from the Captain so he explained
briefly. "Tom used to hate it when he was a kid and people said he was
pretty." Janeway stifled a laugh of her own and looked back at Tom,
thinking that he may have to get used to comments like that again.

The Doctor came over to them interrupting their visual assessment of
the Lieutenant. He presented his findings to them. "Well he's in
mostly one piece as far as I can tell. His physiology has,
technically, not changed however that is only when he exists as
matter. While I've been able to account for all of his organs I have
located two nodes of energy that I assume are a part of his Alorem
heritage."

"Nodes of energy? What do they do?" Janeway asked.

The Doctor shrugged. "The smaller one is located in his brain which
may give Mr. Paris the knowledge and instincts of the other Alorem
–traits which he demonstrated earlier in his encounter with the
Alorem." Kathryn recalled the sudden knowledge that Tom had when they
had first encountered the Alorem. Maybe this node of energy had been
in Tom all this time. "The second and more powerful node is located
just right of his heart and provides this energy to the rest of his
body. While I can not determine its specific purpose it would be safe
to say that it is the source of whatever Alorem abilities he may
acquire or already have."

There was a stretch of silence while Harry and Kathryn took in this
information before Harry asked: "What about his injuries?"

"They are numerous but no longer life threatening. I'll have to
perform further scans and possibly operate but he should make a full
recovery. I can regenerate the marks on his skin but I'm afraid that
the damage has already been done and he will have some scars left."

Janeway sighed and looked at the silent form on the bed. "At least
he's alive," she said softly. The other's nodded in agreement. A few
minutes ago they'd thought Tom to be lost to them forever.

Several hours and several sedatives later Tom had been released to his
quarters. The Doctor had advised that Tom take it easy for a few days
and Tom surprisingly had not argued. The near constant pain he was in
was more than enough warning that he should not push himself too soon.
The injuries that Tom had sustained damaged not only his physical form
but also the flow of his energy. The combination of these injuries
made full treatment impossible. While the doctor could see that the
injuries were healing themselves it would be some time before Tom was
in perfect form again. Until then he would have to live with the
discomfort. The merger of the Alorem energy into Tom caused some
changes that the Doctor found troublesome. For instance, Tom's body
now metabolized foreign agents much more quickly than before, the
result being that the sedatives and drugs Tom was given wore off far
sooner than the Doctor anticipated. In fact during treatment, Tom had
shown signs of rousing and only a quick shot from a hypospray had kept
him under sedation.

Another problem that Tom's speedy metabolism incurred was that
painkillers were not highly effective so relief from his numerous
injuries was short-lived. After being presented with this information
Tom had decided to forgo the painkillers all together. Voyager didn't
have the resources to be shooting him up every hour and Tom, Alorem or
not, had no affinity for sickbay and coming in on an hourly basis was
neither convenient nor welcomed.

Harry had walked him to his quarters. Despite Tom's protests that he
was perfectly able to make it on his own, he was grateful for Harry's
presence. When they passed people in the corridors neither they nor
Tom knew what to do or say. Welcome back seemed too inadequate and
Tom's casual 'hello' and jovial manner was beyond him for the moment.
And so nothing was said. The few crewmembers they ran into simply
stared and offered some hopeful smiles.

Maybe it was just him but Tom felt that things were somehow different.
His perspective had shifted and what had once fit, no longer did.
Harry stayed around for a while, at Tom's request, and they spoke of
inconsequential things –neither wanted to touch on the subject of
Tom's violent death, quasi-resurrection and new heritage. Those heavy
issues could be dealt with at a later date. Until then they would just
enjoy the company.

When Harry left later that evening Tom took some time to look around
and managed to find some comfort in the familiar objects that
surrounded him and dotted his quarters –his home. That's what it had
become –a place that was just for him, where he could be anybody that
he wanted but had the added bonus of just being able to be himself.
However, now he had changed. Shouldn't his home? Tom looked around and
despite the slight awkwardness he could not find anything that he
wanted to add, remove, or even shift.

Maybe this meant that he was still himself.

He lay down on the top of his bed covers and revelled in the comfort
and warmth.

Maybe this meant that his life here was not over.

He closed his eyes.

Maybe soon it would be.

---

It had been just twenty-four hours since Tom had been returned to
Voyager and the ship was buzzing with gossip. The Captain had made an
announcement that Tom was back but had left out the details, hence the
sudden speculation. Harry sat alone in the Mess Hall absently
listening to what others were saying. He was trying not to laugh. At
another time the rumours would have really bothered him but with Tom
being back, everything just seemed better and a few stupid people were
not going to ruin his mood. When Lt. Torres sat down across from him
Harry smiled at her and she had to smile in return.

"It's good to see you more like yourself," B'Elanna commented to
Harry.

Harry shrugged. "I suppose it's better than looking like I had just
lost my best friend." B'Elanna and Harry shared a smile.

B'Elanna leaned closer to him and asked in a whisper, "How's Tom
doing?"

Harry's smile faltered for a moment but he reminded himself that Tom
had been through a lot recently. He friggin' died! It was only natural
that he would be a little out of sorts. Also, he'd only been back for
one day. "He's doing as well as can be expected. His injuries are
healing a little slowly so I think he's in a bit of pain. The Doc
can't do much for him either except monitor his progress." B'Elanna
just nodded solemnly not looking up.

"I was thinking about going to see him after my shift, but maybe I'll
wait until he's feeling better."

"I think you should go see him. It might be good for him become
reacquainted with his life and his friends. I don't think Tom realises
how many he has." Harry smiled at her and went back to his meal.

He has all the friend he needs in you, thought B'Elanna.

In the meantime Tom was at one of his all too regular visits to
Sickbay to see the Doctor –the third since he'd been back. He wanted
to monitor Tom's progress very closely since this was the first he'd
heard of a sentient being that held both a physical and energy form.
The intricacies of such a merger astounded him and every scan found
something new to add to his file. Tom is a member of the crew and
quite accident-prone the Doctor needed to know as much about Tom's new
physiology as possible, in the likely event that Tom was injured.
While the Doctor was fascinated with the 'new' Tom, Tom himself didn't
seem to care at all. While the Doctor knew that Tom didn't have much
of an affinity for Sickbay the young man did not complain at all.
There hadn't been one rude or snide remark about the décor, not
complaints about the holo-docs attitude and not even a feigned
interest in what the Doctor was doing. It was like he was sleepwalking
or something. His eyes were open but he was in a world of his own.

"I'm done for the day. I'd like to see you back here the day after
tomorrow," the Doc instructed. Tom nodded once, got off the biobed and
left without a single word. The Doc shook his head and had the
dreadful thought that maybe the Tom Paris they knew really was dead.

That afternoon Harry managed to ditch his duties early, something he
never did even when Tom had whined and complained that he worked far
too hard. This time though it was only his concern for his friend that
made Harry decide to neglect his duties. Sonya Spencer would cover for
him and he'd okayed the switch with the Commander since he was the one
in charge of the roster. As he headed to Tom's quarters Harry recalled
the dull look in the first officer's eyes when he mentioned Tom. He
wondered if the Commander had seen or talked to Tom since he returned.
Probably not, since the entire time that Harry was speaking to him
Chakotay looked like he wanted to ask him about Tom. For whatever
reason he didn't and Harry took it as a sign that maybe Chakotay would
go see Tom himself. He hoped so. He knew it would mean a lot to Tom if
he did.

When Harry arrived at Tom's door there was no response to the chime.
He asked the computer for Tom's location and was informed that he was
in his quarters. He touched his commbadge and called for Tom but still
received no response. A little more investigating found that Tom left
his commbadge in his quarters. Harry could have done an internal sweep
with the sensors but decided that he'd just wait. He knew Tom's code
and Tom wouldn't mind (well the Tom he knew wouldn't). Making sure
that nobody saw him, Harry entered Tom's code and entered his quarters
to wait. He wouldn't wait long.

The door slid open and warily he stepped through. He was almost
startled when it closed behind him cutting off his escape route. He
reminded himself that the door would open whenever he stepped towards
it. It calmed him and he continued forward stopping a few feet from
the desk. His voice was lost somewhere and he just stood there
silently for a moment or two. "How've you been, Seo?" He finally
managed to choke out.

The man across the desk answered plainly. "Fine." Tom nodded and
looked away. His eyes searched the room and came across familiar
objects. He'd been in there more than a few times –usually for a
reprimand- but just like his quarters and the rest of the ship it felt
just a little off.

"You strained yourself in your program," Tom said suddenly, his eyes
still averted.

"What?"

Tom reached his hand to this left shoulder. "Your shoulder, it hurts
you, Seo."

"How do you know that?" Chakotay asked standing up.

The question confused Tom briefly but he answered as best he could.
"You're my Seo. I'll always know when you're hurt or need help."

"I don't need your help!" Chakotay yelled. The vehemence and anger
surprised even him.

"I know that. I just. . . .I wanted you to know that. . . .you still
have me. . . " he whispered.

"I don't want you! I don't want your protection! I don't need it!
You're the last person I'd ever want help from!"

Tom stared at the floor and nodded solemnly. He understood how
Chakotay felt about him. He'd made that abundantly clear since they'd
been out here. What Chakotay wasn't clear about though was how Tom
felt about him. He deserved to know but was it fair? Should he burden
Chakotay with a confession that he didn't want to hear and would never
accept, at least not from him? What was he to do? He finally looked up
into Chakotay's eyes and the hatred that burned there scalded his
heart. He cowered in the face of such disdain. He couldn't tell his
deepest desire to someone who would just through it back at him,
adulterating the purest and strongest emotion attached to his soul. He
opened his mouth to say something but faltered. What words could
abolish hatred that even time could not erase. He felt a familiar
stinging in his eyes and looked away. "You're right. I'm sorry, Seo,"
Tom said.

"Don't call me that! I'm not Seo! I'm not your Seo!" He yelled and Tom
flinched internally. The desire to leave this place and go home was
over powering but Osa had temporarily frozen his abilities and he had
no choice but to take the verbal lashing that he knew he had somehow
earned. "I am your commanding officer and that's all!"

The silence screamed at him louder than Chakotay's words which
remained as a torturous echo in his mind. "No you're not," Tom said to
himself and Chakotay was just barely able to pick out the words.
Before he could say anything Tom spoke again. He raised his eyes to
the dark ones that he had hoped would one day smile at him. "I'm
sorry, I bothered you. I'll give you the distance you want Commander,
just. . . give me some time. . . please. It's all I ask that you
pardon me when I slip up –just for a little while. I hope that's not
too much to ask for."

Chakotay rage cooled into a glacier leaving him bereft. His stance
relaxed and his eyes saw more without the cloud of anger obscuring his
vision. The tired and browbeaten being before him finally came into
focus. Had he forgotten that Tom had been through a difficult time as
well, suffering hardships and pains more than he could dare imagine?
Had he not known that Tom would need to adjust as well and maybe he'd
need closure from the incident? Who but him was closer to Tom in this
incident? Of course he'd come here and Chakotay had only taken his
frustration and confusion out on an already tired man. How had he
forgotten? What was wrong with him?

The slumped shoulders, the tired blue eyes, the upset etched into
every finely formed feature of his face, all spoke of Tom's own perils
and demons. The slightly changed characteristics –the almost glowing
gold hair streaked with white, the face that only an angel could be
gifted with –was a constant reminder of the more profound and, from
what he'd heard, painfully changes that he'd undergone in order to
survive.

"I'll go now." Tom sighed shakily. He was out the door before Chakotay
could utter another word. Chakotay sank back down in his chair and
stared at the door. He put his hand to his head and leaned on the top
of the desk. What had he done? Tom didn't deserve that. What was wrong
with him? Why did just Tom's presence stir something so deep within
him that it scared him in its intensity? How could he blame Tom for
something that was none of his fault? Why did he react so strongly?
And how could he hurt someone that he. . . he cared for. . . more that
he dared to contemplate?

He gave a short laugh that came out more like a sob. Counsellor,
counsel thyself.

Tom arrived back at his quarters and knew even before he entered that
Harry was there. He walked in and walked past his friend to the
washroom. Harry rose from the couch and followed. He'd never seen such
a portrait of emotional pain on Tom's face. He found it scared him
like he'd never been scared before. Tom was supposed to be
untouchable. It was like the laws of the universe had suddenly
changed. Nothing hurt him. Well, not nothing. Harry knew that Tom felt
just as much or more than everybody else but covered his pain better,
perfectly almost.

He watched as Tom watched. Tom stood there for minutes just staring at
the mirror, or more precisely the person he saw there. The person he
didn't recognize. The person he didn't know. "Tom?" He heard Harry
next to him but didn't respond. He looked down. He understood now. How
could anybody look at him and not be angry? Who could love such an
abomination? He understood now how B'Elanna felt about being a hybrid.
It meant not belonging. It meant that you were a monster; that you
didn't deserve to be loved or accepted. B'Elanna wasn't a monster
though. His brows furrowed and he looked up at his reflection again.
B'Elanna was beautiful, he'd told her so more than once and he hadn't
been lying. So how was he different? Was being half-Klingon different
than being half-Alorem? Yes. For one thing Alorem didn't even exist
naturally on this realm. He really wasn't meant to be here. Tom raised
his hand and touched the mirror, a small part of him expecting his
reflection to ripple and return to what it was supposed to be –what it
had always been- before this happened. That's when he noticed that
Harry was there, just beyond his reflection. Harry's reflection looked
him in the eye but the voice came from behind him. "You see what I
see?" He asked softly as though afraid too much sound would shatter
something precious.

Tom leaned forward hand splayed on one side of the mirror to take his
weight. "All I see is nothing."

"I see someone who's given more than anyone could ask for and asked
for nothing in return but to be accepted. I see someone who'd
willingly give his life for any member of his crew and any person
who's lucky enough to come his way. I see someone who's lost a lot but
gained just as much. Who's made mistakes but never refused to learn
from them. Someone, who I look up to and am lucky enough to call my
friend. I see you Tom. . . "

And that's all he'd wanted. Someone who saw him and that accepted him
as he was, with all his flaws, all his strengths, all of him –even if
he was changed and even if he was the same. Maybe with this he'd be
able to look in the mirror and see the same thing now that he knew
what he was looking for. One day when his memories weren't so jumbled,
when his emotions weren't so raw, when he was strong again, he'd see
himself again. Until then he just needed someone to help him. . .
someone to lean on.

"You're not alone. . . " Strong arms wrapped around him from behind
and a warmth pressed against his back. "You'll be okay. . . "

The shock of having Harry hug him wore off quickly. He touched his
free hand to the arms wound around him as though to confirm their
presence. A new energy sparked behind the blue eyes glimmering with
moisture. He watched as beads of water fell from his eyes and traced a
new path along his face, the wet trails shimmering. Suddenly more
followed.

Behind him Harry held on. His forehead rested just at the base of
Tom's neck. The silence was pushed away by a sob. He felt the body in
his arms begin to shake as he finally released his fears and sorrow.
He felt tears prick his own eyes and eventually fall to follow the
path of his nose. He knew that Tom would not have done this. This
release of emotion, that Harry would admit to have indulged in once or
twice since being lost in the delta quadrant, was something he knew
that Tom would never have considered. Feeling sorry for himself was
something that Tom just didn't accept. He'd analyse his feelings just
enough to push them away. Not this time. Harry didn't want Tom to
analyse them, just accept them. You can't change how you feel and
sometimes the cause is beyond you or your abilities, and that's when
you just need to accept. Another sob cracked the brittle silence and
Tom's grip on his arm tightened. 'I'll not leave you, Tom' Harry
thought. 'Not when you need me to be strong for you, the same way
you've been for me.'

The next day passed much like the day before. Duties were done.
Friends gathered to gossip and enjoy each other's company, conflicts
were started and resolved and the small society of Voyager sped
homewards slowly covering the almost insurmountable distance. Tom
seemed to be adjusting better but still held onto the hope that once
Osa came he'd be leaving. It would hurt to leave Harry, and B'Elanna,
and Neelix, Kes, Sam, Naomi, Megan, Jenny, Sue, Ken, Tabor, Chell,
Gerron, Greg, Miranda, and the other friends who had visited him.
Friends he'd never known he had. Still it would be easier this way.
He'd found home on Voyager before but now he need to find a new one.
He couldn't seem to fit here anymore and he was too tired to try.

He often felt Harry's eyes on him when they were together. Was he
worrying about his mental health? Tom promised himself never to have a
mental breakdown like that ever again at least not with somebody
watching. Still he was grateful to Harry for being there and not
holding it against him later. He was reluctant to tell Harry that he
still planned on leaving. Can you blame him? He didn't want to hurt
him. He didn't want Harry to feel that he was abandoning him –Tom
going to his home when Harry couldn't go to his. It was unfair. Daily,
the feeling to stay grew. His duty was to Voyager, at least until they
got home. Then he could do as he pleased. He'd find his way back home
again and then hopefully he'd be happy. All he wanted was to be
granted his happy ending, even if the journey was difficult. As long
as he could fly, no matter how bad the journey, he could make it.

The following day Tom had his appointment in Sickbay. He had nothing
better to do and so in the morning he decided to get it over with. The
corridors were busier than he expected and then it occurred to him.
Gamma shift was being relieved and Alpha shift was just starting. If
he wanted to avoid people this wasn't the time to be walking around.
He didn't have any reason to avoid the crew other than to keep them
from staring but it was bound to happen sooner or later. As he walked
the corridors he greeted and was greeted by various people. They all
looked for a little longer than was necessary and on more than one
occasion he heard people talking about him after they thought he was
out of earshot but it was nothing bad, just about the visible changes.
He smirked. They didn't know the half of it.

He tested his Alorem abilities, extending them as far as they would
go, trying to determine if he was at full strength yet. He wasn't but
he felt an answering resonance to his energy. It was familiar and very
similar to his. Osa was close by. Maybe he should let the Captain and
bridge know. He shrugged. It wouldn't matter either way. He went to
Sickbay and the Doctor greeted him and asked him to lie down on his
usual biobed. Tom did so and halfway through the check up he felt
Osa's presence getting closer.

"Hi," Tom greeted after Osa had appeared. He smiled at Tom and greeted
the Doctor who mumbled something about unexpected guests. Tom and Osa
conversed in a language that the translator couldn't decipher. The
Doctor noticed that Tom's mood seemed to brighten with Osa being
around. He referred to Osa as 'Paka' which the Doc correctly assumed
meant 'father' or something along those lines. A few minutes later
Captain Janeway and Lt. Tuvok entered Sickbay knowing that one of the
Alorem would be there. The Captain didn't mind Osa showing up
unexpectedly. He didn't mean them any harm and one of her crewmembers
was his 'son'.

"Captain," Osa greeted. "I just came to check up on the little one."

Tom sat up from the biobed with a sigh saying, "I'm not little."

Osa looked at him questioningly. "Really? You're barely 28 of your
years old. Compared to me, you're an infant." Osa smile benevolently
at his son. He'd never known this type of emotion before –this
satisfaction and joy at having someone who is a piece of you, a part
of you. Alorem are rarely given a chance to procreate in such a
manner. There usually isn't a need to since they live for so long.

"Infant my ass," Tom snorted. "Am I done Doc?"

"Yes Mr. Paris. I've completed my scans. There is just one thing that
gives me pause."

"What's that?" Janeway asked hoping that there wasn't something
seriously wrong.

"Your cells," He said to Tom, "they don't seem to be aging at the
normal rate. They've almost stopped completely."

Osa nodded. "We don't age very quickly. I'm over nine thousand of your
years old and I've not yet reached middle age. The most senior of us
is more than three hundred thousand years old though most choose not
to remain for so long. Age and time do not play a large role in Alorem
life or society. Time is not simply a current that carries us along.
With proper understanding time becomes and ocean with tides, storms
and currents that we only loosely follow."

They all looked at Tom, who just looked back at them. None of this was
a surprise to him. He'd known already, somehow. "Immortal?" Tuvok
questioned.

"Not quite but nearly, if you choose to be," Osa said and Tom nodded
his understanding. "I don't know how the eons will affect your human
form. I believe you'll never look much older than you are now." Tom
just shrugged. "If he's not needed for anything, I'd like to talk to
my son." Janeway nodded and the Doctor told them that Tom was free to
go but he wanted to see him in another two days. Tom nodded. Osa put a
hand on Tom's shoulder and quickly they both turned to energy and
vanished. The officers looked at each other and went their separate
ways without words.

"Do you still want to leave?" Osa asked as soon as they arrived in the
observation deck. Tom stared out to the passing stars.

"I don't know."

Osa smiled knowingly. "There's a sadness in you that I can't explain."

"I tried to talk to him. I couldn't. He didn't want to listen."

Osa stepped closer to him. "Make him listen." There was silence for a
long stretch. "I know of love, Thomas. I've had it and lost it more
than once. You'll have the same experience. The first one is always
the hardest."

"I can't imagine there being more than one," Tom said softly.

Osa looked out into the seemingly endless expanse of stars with Tom.
"Life is too long to love only one person. Don't worry Thomas," From
behind Osa put one hand on Tom's shoulder and reached the other one
across his chest to cover his heart. "It won't always feel like this."

Tom bowed his head. "I hope not." There were several minutes of
silence until Tom spoke. "What is it?" Tom asked sensing that there
was something else on Osa's mind. Osa shook his head.

"Nothing yet but maybe something to help your crew make your journey
shorter." Tom looked over his shoulder at his father silently asking
for more information. Osa just smiled at him and placed at hand on top
of his head. "Patience."

Days came and went and each day that passed was one in which Tom
became stronger and more like his old self. Sure he was a little
different, quieter, but still Tom. It was a relief to everyone who
knew him. Things were getting back to normal. Life was falling back
into place. Tom was experimenting and learning about his new abilities
with the Doctors supervision. He was taking a more active interest in
the changes to himself and with this new curiosity he was better able
to accept the changes. Tom's powers had been returned to him since
Osa's visit. Deeming it safe that Tom would not flee from Voyager the
first chance he came across as he had tried to do when they'd first
returned, Osa had restored his son's power.

For Tom it was a learning experience. His Alorem instincts were almost
constantly warring with his conscious thoughts. When there was danger
and uncertainty he felt the urge to change to his less vulnerable
Alorem form. During times of anxiety he could feel the energy change
taking place on instinct and try as he might he could not yet control
all of it. People would stare when his aura was visible. They were
shocked when his eyes glowed pale blue and currents of electricity
seemed to pass through his hair making it glow and sway in unseen and
unfelt currents. Sometimes Tom felt the need to just be. Let the
instincts take over and just exist as he was meant to. Times like now.

The engineering crew was performing an overhaul of the warp assembly
and for the time being the warp reactor was running at a level so low
it barely had enough energy to keep the reaction stable. It had a
tendency to either escalate until a more stable reaction rate was
reached, or taper off until the core shut down completely. Since they
needed the energy to run the maintenance it was required that a team
monitor the reactor at all times to maintain the low level of
activity. Usually this was a daunting process that required the full
attention of whoever was assigned to it but not today. The usual power
fluctuations did not occur and the bridge noticed the difference.
There was usually the tell-tale dimming of the lights every so often
as the warp reaction dipped too low or some sort of flicker on the Ops
sensor but today there was nothing.

"Bridge to Engineering, have you started the maintenance yet?" Kathryn
asked from her command chair.

"We began twenty minutes ago Captain. I know. There's no instability.
I can't explain it yet. We're looking into it."

The Captain nodded, though B'Elanna couldn't see it. "Good. Keep us
informed. Bridge out."

Back in engineering B'Elanna ordered her crew to keep looking for the
cause of the core stability. She didn't want to look a gift horse in
the mouth but she was worried that this may indicate a larger problem.
It was a few minutes later that one of her subordinates informed her
that they'd found an unknown energy signature that seemed to resonate
with the warp cores own frequency. The resonance served to stabilize
the reaction. Now they just had to find the source of the energy.
B'Elanna left it up to her officers something that she was more used
to than at the beginning of the trip. They were all competent
engineers. She trusted them to do their jobs, and do them well. In the
meantime, she would monitor the progress of the maintenance from the
upper deck. When she arrived she noticed a faint light coming from a
dark and usually deserted area near the warp core. B'Elanna pulled out
her tricorder and slowly crept towards it.

The readings didn't make a lot of sense to her. They indicated that
there was a human there, but also large amounts of contained energy
and other matter. The energy was slightly similar to the warp cores
and B'Elanna knew she had found that source of the stability. Now she
just had to identify it.

Rounding a pillar it finally came into view. A being glowing with a
blue-white aura and appearing to be composed of both energy and matter
sat near the edge of the platform facing the warp core. It continued
to stare at the warp-core as though in a trance and it wasn't until
B'Elanna was only a few feet a way that it turned. He'd known that she
was coming. In this state he was well aware of everyone on the ship
and all the energy that flowed around him through hidden conduits and
wires. He forced himself to become solid again and looked at B'Elanna.

"Hey," he said softly. The lights dimmed briefly and B'Elanna glanced
down to the lower level and saw that there was more activity at the
stations that monitored the core, the way there usually was when they
did this maintenance.

"Hi. What are you doing up here?" She asked.

"Nothing. Just looking," he replied and looked at the warpcore.

B'Elanna sat next to him and followed his gaze. "What do see?" She
knew he could see more than the visible EM spectrum that most
humanoids were bound to.

"The warp-core glows. Energy flows from it like steam. When I touch
it. . . it's both warm and cold," he said as he reached out his hand.
"It's nice." His eyes, which had been glowing blue, faded into the
normal features. "I'm sorry if I bothered your crew."

She shook her head. "Are you kidding? You've been making our job
easier." She smiled at him. "You're welcome to stay as long as you'd
like." She didn't bother to explain how he was helping. She didn't
think that he'd care right now (she was right) and since nobody would
be up here anyway there was no reason that he had to leave.

"Thanks," He said with a weak but genuine smile. He turned back to the
warp core and B'Elanna stood to return to her duties. She watched as
he changed partially into energy. His clothes went first, glowing
shades of blue and white as they began to float, not longer bound by
the artificial gravity of the ship. His skin glowed and his hair began
to flow, the white streaks shining light blue and the gold glowing a
yellowish white. His eyes change until they shone pale blue. Soon the
whole of his body glowed and shimmered in the same manner until he was
surrounded by a halo of light as the energies ebbed and flowed in and
around, and only a shadow of his form could be seen within it all,.

B'Elanna went back to work giving strict orders that the upper deck
was off limits unless there was an emergency. The crew heeded her
command but they were curious. No one dared to defy the Lieutenant in
fear of her wrath but even from the best angle on the lower deck all
they could see was a faint glow coming from one of the far corners.

---

It had been a week since Tom's return and reluctantly he returned to
duty. He was still intent on leaving Voyager but not until Osa
returned with more details of the plan that would help Voyager. If the
plan was feasible, he'd see it through and then leave. These thoughts
were kept to himself but there was a noticeable air about Tom that he
was somewhat detached for the rest of the crew. He didn't visit
Sandrine's or the Resort. The holodecks used to be one of his
favourite hangouts but since his return he'd only been to them once
and that was just for a flight simulation to ensure that he was
capable of flying Voyager. They had no way of knowing that the
holodecks presented a unique and somewhat uncomfortable atmosphere for
Tom. The hidden energy-mass conversions that occurred around him were.
. . distracting.

One evening when Tom was walking through the corridor he had an
encounter with a friend. Crewman Garrett Jones worked in engineering
and he and Tom had gone to the gym and holodecks together on many
prior occasions. "Hey Tom, how have you been?"

Tom glanced around feeling somewhat nervous for whatever reason. "I've
been okay," he replied vaguely. While they were friends, there was
something about Garrett that made him slightly uneasy and he couldn't
figure out what it was. He was tall, dark and handsome, with brown
eyes and brown-black hair. Garrett was about Tom's height however his
build was a little thicker. Despite that he didn't feel particularly
intimidated by him, rather it was something else-something that he
couldn't quite put his finger on.

Garrett smiled at him. "It's good to see you up and about. We were all
worried about you." Tom mumbled some sort of response, probably a
thank you. Garrett's eyebrows drew together at frown of consternation.
Tom seemed more than a little subdued but Garrett hoped to change
that. He missed hanging out with the troublemaking, loudmouthed
lieutenant. "Are you busy this evening?" Garrett asked but didn't
allow Tom enough time to respond. "A couple of us are going to
Sandrine's tonight. Do you want to come? The place just isn't the same
without you." Tom stared at him for a moment seemingly unable to
fathom what he was asking.

"You want me to join you?" Tom asked to be sure. At Garrett's nod he
looked down to the carpeted floor. It had been a long time since he'd
gone out. He looked up into dark eyes that stared waiting for a
positive response. When Tom nodded a pleasant smile broke out across
Garrett's face.

"I'll come by your quarters this evening. Is 2100 hours okay?"

"That's fine. . .  but you don't have to pick me up."

Garrett shook his head, "but I'd like to." The openly hopeful look On
Garrett's face was Tom's undoing. Reluctantly he nodded his consent
and a bright smile graced the other man's face. "Perfect. Then I'll
see you tonight." He gave Tom a friendly pat on the shoulder and
walked away. Tom stood there for a few moments, stunned. It wasn't
something unusual. He'd been asked to join friends on nights out
before but that had all been before the. . . incident. Somehow he'd
thought that his new. . . characteristics would keep people at a
distance. He gave a small huff. He'd been managing to do that quite
well on his own. His behaviour had even Osa worrying. He just wasn't
the same person anymore and he didn't know if he could ever be that
person again. He didn't know if he wanted to be.

That evening found Harry Kim in Tom's quarters, watching as Tom
prepared for his night out. When Harry asked what all that prepping
was for Tom simply answered that after moping around for week he
wanted to make sure he was presentable. Harry's only response to that
was a roll of his eyes. He was glad to see that Tom was venturing out.
He knew that sooner or later Tom would go out. His friend was a social
person by nature and this solitude must have been difficult for him
even though it gave him time to find an emotional balance.

Tom donned a pair of black form fitting slacks and a grey-silvery
sleeveless shirt that he'd worn on previous nights out. Harry noticed
that the clothes seemed a little looser. He'd noticed lately that all
of Tom's wardrobe seemed to be just a size to big. At first Harry
thought that it was just his eyes playing tricks on him but the
consistency of the observation led Harry to believe that this was just
another part of the new Tom. He'd listen to Tom complain about how
short he was. Harry had just stared at him as Tom explained that
according to the Doctor Tom was half a centimeter shorter. Five
millimeters, that was it and suddenly Tom thought that he was
vertically challenged. At six feet two inches (less 5mm, you can do
the conversion) he was hardly short. It was just one more change that
Tom didn't want to discuss and would have preferred to be oblivious
to.

Harry removed himself from his thought at watched Tom carefully as he
stared at himself in the full-length mirror on the closet door. From
his position Harry couldn't see what Tom stared so intently at. He
watched Tom's right hand slowly rose to the upper part of his left arm
and traced a faint mark down the side. The shirt did nothing to cover
the scar and though the Doc had done what he could, he couldn't remove
everything. He saw Tom reach to take out a different shirt but stopped
short, his arm extended. He looked back at the mirror for a moment
before dismissing whatever his thoughts were and moving to the
washroom to comb his hair. From his seat, Harry smiled.

A few minutes later there was a chime at the door. When given
permission the person on the other side entered. Jones walked in and
greeted Kim who gave him a wave. "Hey Garrett," Tom greeted.

"You ready to go?" he asked and ran an appreciative eye over Tom, who
was too busy looking for his commbadge to notice, but Harry did and
raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. . . here it is!" Tom exclaimed retrieving the item and attached
it to his shirt. Garrett nodded. "You coming to Sandrine's tonight,
Har?" Tom asked.

"Oh I wouldn't miss this for the world," Harry said with a smirk that
made Tom curious. He'd seen that look in the mirror but on Harry it
was somewhat disturbing. However before he had a chance to interrogate
him, Garrett was steering Tom out the door. Harry left for his own
quarters and shook his head as he reviewed his latest discovery.
Garrett Jones, huh? Harry smirked. He hoped Commander Chakotay would
be there tonight.

They entered the holodeck and the light tickle of the matter
conversion touched at Tom's senses but he ignored it. He followed
Garrett to a small group of men and women who greeted both of them
with smiles. Tom began to relax once they somewhat obvious stares
ended and they others became accustomed to his new 'look'. As he
settled into his chair to enjoy the company he didn't notice a pair of
dark eyes watching him from across the bar.

A small group of officers sat in a booth enjoying their night off. It
was a rarity that they could all meet up and just relax, with busy
schedules and unpredictable events. Tonight though, it was all about
them. No duties, no violent aliens, no malfunctioning systems, just
good friends and good drinks. The conversation at the table was kept
low and easy. The mood was light and jovial but one of them was too
preoccupied to notice.

His attention lay on the man across the bar who was enjoying an
evening out with a lesser seen group of friends. Tom seemed happy.
Laughing easily and telling tales of his many dubious adventures that
kept his audience in rapt attention. The shadows behind his eyes
seemed to have lifted making Tom seem more like the spirited man that
so many people had been missing lately. Chakotay was glad to see that
Tom was feeling better especially after his harsh words to him. There
was only one thing that gave him pause. No, it didn't give him pause.
It made his blood simmer, it wasn't quite boiling just yet. At
sometime during the evening Crewman Jones had rested his arm on the
back of Tom's chair and there it had remained since Tom had not
complained about it. Chakotay had noticed the entrance of Tom with
Jones earlier in the evening but had written it off as just some
friends on a night out. Now he wondered if there was more too it than
he had initially suspected.

Continuing his observations Chakotay watched as Jones asked Tom
something but due to the noise in the bar Tom hadn't heard, prompting
Jones to move closer and closer and closer until his lips nearly
brushed Tom's ear and his hand was at the back of his neck. This time
Tom heard the question and nodded his head in affirmation. Jones
smiled and headed towards that bar while Tom jumped back into the
conversation with an easy smile on his face. In that moment Chakotay
admitted two things to himself (things that on some level he already
knew). 1) Tom Paris was beautiful when he smiled and 2) he wanted Tom
to smile like that at him not at Garrett Jones. Making a hasty
decision Chakotay was about to get up when a body blocked his view of
Tom. Before he could even look up the person spoke.

"Chakotay, can I speak with you?" Kim asked. Chakotay stared at him
for a moment before nodding. He couldn't recall a time when Harry had
ever called him by his name. He supposed this meant it would be a
personal conversation.

In a less crowded corner of the bar Harry sat at one of the unoccupied
high tables, Chakotay taking the stool across from him. Chakotay
watched him carefully wondering what Harry wanted to talk about and
noticed the almost perfectly hidden nervous habits. The rhythmic
tapping of his fingers against the wood surface, the slight bouncing
of his right leg and the eyes that couldn't seem to settle on one
thing for more than a second, all indicated Harry's anxiety.

"What is it, Harry?" Chakotay asked after tiring of waiting.

Dark eyes shot to his and gave him a sharp glare. "How do you feel
about Tom?" His voice was even and calm but his eyes were intense.

Unsure where this was going Chakotay decided not to answer. "What does
that have to do with anything?"

"It has to do with my best friend and a man who I don't think deserves
him."

There was no question of whom Harry was referring to and whether he
knew about the conversation (or rather argument) that had occurred in
Chakotay's office or not, the comment hit too close to home. Chakotay
went on the defensive. "I haven't done anything to him."

"My advice to you is stay away from him-"

"Or what?"

Harry stared at him. "Or you'll probably just hurt him again. I won't
let you do that. He deserves better than that, and better than you."
Harry got up from the stool. He left, dissolving into the crowd of
people in the bar. Chakotay stared after him. He knew people like Kim.
They weren't confrontational-preferring to be passive rather than
aggressive. That he'd come and reprimand his superior officer, about a
matter that was almost none of his business, indicated that this was
more important to Harry than the usual ins and outs of his
relationship with Tom.

Chakotay sat at the table for several minutes thinking over his
confrontation with Kim. He cast frequent glances to Tom's table. He
was confused. He'd been dealing with everything that happened with the
Alorem, Tom's 'death' and revival, and the emotions that were buried
within him. When Tom had first returned Chakotay had been more than
willing to go back to the previous state of interaction he had with
Paris. Unexpectedly, he found the deeper emotions he'd been hiding
from following him, refusing to be ignored. It bothered him immensely
that Tom Paris was able to stir such intense emotions and just plain
intensity from him. He felt like his body was betraying him. When he
lashed out at Tom in his office it was a response to this perceived
betrayal. At the time it seemed like it was Tom's fault that he felt
this way and the vulnerable man was an easy target. He'd lashed out at
Tom because he was angry at himself for falling for someone who he
perceived to be unworthy of his affection because he wouldn't
appreciate it. Someone he felt was below him.

Chakotay winced at his analysis. Below him? Is that what he thought of
Tom? Sure he hadn't liked the man but he'd developed a respect for
him. Or maybe it was more of a tolerance. The idea that he was falling
for Paris of all people had violently upset his sensibilities. He'd
felt himself coming to that conclusion a while ago. That was when he
started snapping at Paris. Trying to find fault in him and in what he
did, as though looking for a reason to hold on to his hatred. He
lowered his head feeling ashamed. It was no wonder Kim had come over
and nearly threatened him. He may have seen what Chakotay had just
discovered. Until he let go of his grudge and dislike of Paris he had
no chance of getting along with him.

When he looked up again he noticed that the crowd was a little thinner
and the object of his musings was nowhere to be found and neither was
his 'date'. Feeling fatigued Chakotay listlessly raised himself from
the stool and left the bar. He wandered around the corridors for a
while, not thinking, just feeling. Eventually his feet carried him to
his deck which was also Tom's deck. He'd taken a turbolift that left
him practically on the other side of where his quarters were located
and he had no choice but to walk the distance. The most direct route
took him past the quarters of Lieutenant Paris and as he approached,
Chakotay heard some voices. He slowed his pace and crept towards them.
He recognized the voice of Paris and guessed that the other man must
be Jones.

"You'd think he would have gotten the idea but I practically had to
spell it out for him," Tom said. His eyes sparkled with amusement as
he recalled one of his academy day escapades. "So weeks later we made
it into bed and I find out he had more experience than I did, which at
the time wasn't a whole lot, but the guy was so dense I wouldn't have
been surprised if he didn't realized he even had a dick." Garrett
laughed loudly and Tom joined him.

Eventually they calmed and Garrett asked, "So what happened between
the two of you?"

Tom shrugged still smiling. "You know: this and that. He really liked
to experiment and I was just too vanilla for him."

Garrett stared at him critically. "You? Vanilla?"

Tom laughed. "At the time that's what I thought. But compared to the
adventures he got himself into after us, I was very vanilla." He
noticed the sceptical look on the man leaning on the wall across from
him. "I'm not kidding. When we get back to the Alpha Quadrant I'll
introduce you to him and he can tell you himself."

"That's okay. I believe you."

"No you don't."

Garret just smiled in response and Tom shook his head but the smile
was unmistakable. Garrett stared at him and eventually Tom noticed the
scrutiny and the strange, anxious feeling that Garrett brought out in
him was back. Tom looked anywhere but at him but Garrett's gaze never
wavered. When he looked back, Tom was startled to find that Garrett
was right in front of him. Tom shifted back but with his back already
against the wall, there was nowhere for him to go. Light brown eyes
caught blue.

"It's different, huh?" Garrett whispered, his voice like a caress
against Tom's cheek.

"What is?" Tom managed to respond after a long pause.

Garrett rested his forearm against the wall, next to Tom's head,
moving closer. "Being chased, instead of doing the chasing." Garrett
noticed the slight hitch in Tom's breathing and smiled a predatory
smile. "You don't let it happen often. You're always the one in
control, giving chase. When the tides turn though. . . " he brought
his other hand to rest at Tom's side and felt a tremor at his touch.
". . . it's different. Exciting. Scary?" There was a light flush
staining Tom's cheeks and Garrett absently wondered if anyone else had
ever seen Tom blush. It was very nice.

Tom turned his face away and sighed tiredly. "Garrett, don't."

"Why not?" The deep voice questioned softly and swiftly as he moved
incrementally closer.

"I can't. There's someone else," he whispered and was shocked at
Garrett's response.

"I know." Wide blue eyes regarded him, the consternation evident.
Garret smiled enjoying being one step ahead of the pilot. It didn't
happen often but he savoured it when it did. "I thought that by now
he'd have noticed, but if he's too stupid to accept what you offer
then it's his loss." He was one of the few but Garret had noticed the
interplay between Tom and Chakotay. It was pretty one-sided but it
wasn't hard to tell that there was more to Tom's guarding Chakotay
(and Yuri) than just duty.

"He's not stupid," Tom defended, sounding as though he'd said that
before.

"Well what else can I call it?" he paused and read the indecision in
Tom's eyes –such expressive eyes. "I know that you're in love with him
but I just had to do this. Even if it's just once. . . "

Garrett closed the distance between them and touched his lips to Tom's
gently. Tom's eye's closed as he delighted in the sensation. Garrett's
grip at his side slid around to Tom's back and pulled the other man
flush against him. His tongue brushed against Tom's lips seeking
entrance. The lips parted and Garret explored. Tasting him, feeling
dizzy with pleasure, his tongue duelled with Tom's. The hand that Tom
had put on Garrett's chest to push him away now clutched at the fabric
of his shirt to keep him close. Eventually, they broke apart, heart
rates up face flushed and breathing heavy. Garrett smiled a little
sadly at him. He touched the lips he had just kissed with the tips of
his fingers, not relinquishing his hold of the other man. Tom stared
at him. His pupils were dilated and his face was rosy.

Garrett sighed and looked away briefly. "What I'm about to say goes
against everything I've ever done. Don't give up." He whispered the
words close to Tom's ear. "You have a chance for something really
great. I would be the biggest kind of jerk if I tried to take that
away from you, so this is as far as we go." Tom whispered his name in
a sad entreaty. He rested his cheek against Tom and felt the heat
coming off the man. "I know he doesn't deserve it but give the
Commander another chance." He held Tom's face in his hands and studied
the features knowing that he'd never be this intimate with this man
ever again. He kissed him reverently once again and pulled away with a
silent sigh. Tom's eyes were still closed. A caress across his face
and the eyes fluttered open. Garrett gave him a dazzling smile. There
was a wealth of room between them compared to a moment ago. "If you
ever want to have a good time, no strings attached, give me a holler,
okay?" Garret said with a sultry leer. Tom could only nod numbly.
Garrett bid him goodnight and walked away. Tom watched him go until he
could no longer be seen. Slowly he brought a hand to his lips feeling
the tingle that's Garrett's kiss had left there.

Suddenly he realized that he was in the corridor and anyone could have
come by. He glanced up and down the corridor but saw no one. Slowly
Tom turned to enter his quarters. Garrett's offer ran through his
head. It had been so long since he'd been with anyone and Chakotay was
definitely not interested in him, so what was stopping him from going
after Garrett? He had promised to give Chakotay another try. The
problem was Tom wasn't sure whether it was worth the effort anymore.
He was tired of being hurt and he hadn't even told Chakotay how he
felt. The way he saw it, things could only get worse between them. And
here was Garrett, offering something monumentally better. Tom had
however, recognized the finality of Garrett's gestures. He didn't
expect Tom to ever come to him and Tom suspected that even if he did
Garrett would more than likely talk him out of it somehow. The man was
sharp, too sharp.

It wasn't fair. He'd stumbled across something that could very good
only to find that there wasn't really an offer, not even a chance and
so he was back a square one but with the added burden of knowing that
if he'd been more observant, more careful about who he loved he could
have had something special with someone else. At that moment he felt
hate. He knew it was irrational, that fault and blame could not be
placed on anyone one thing or person, but that hate was directed at
Chakotay.

The familiar sting of tears pricked his eyes and quickly Tom entered
the privacy of his quarters but not before giving the bulkhead and
solid strike.

Chakotay walked towards the doors that had just closed. He stood
before them silently. He hadn't heard everything but he'd still seen
and heard a lot. He wasn't sure if he still had a chance with Paris.
He wasn't sure if he even wanted to have a chance with Paris. There
was so much to sort out but Chakotay felt Tom's patience for the
situation and patience for him wearing thin. He raised his hand until
it was just before the call button. If he pressed it what would he
say? Was he too late? The expression of pain and anger on Tom's face
as he entered his private domain had pulled at Chakotay, invoking a
desperation and fear in him that could push him to do something
prematurely.

If Garrett was right and Tom loved him, Chakotay knew that he only had
a limited amount of time. Tom had been bombarded with emotions from
every part of the spectrum and under such stress something had to
give. Was a one-sided love strong enough to maintain through these
trials? He couldn't even be sure it was love. Tom hadn't said
anything, and the only indication of an attraction was the way Tom had
been during the 'incident' with Yuri. What if this was just a phase?
Chakotay wasn't sure he wanted to risk it.

---

The beings gathered around to discus the proposition that had never
been contemplated. To allow outsiders into their home, their realm, it
was unheard of. Absolutely preposterous, they said. To allow them to
infiltrate their space would be an unacceptable risk. The many on the
council were adamant that no one could enter.

"They pose no threat to us," Osa spoke. "They only want to go home.
They helped us protect our Yuri. We should help them get home."

"That's not our duty,"

Another member of the council spoke up. "It was not their duty to help
us." There was silence while the being of energy contemplated.

"Your son, what of him?" one member of the council asked.

"He is well, but somewhat confused," Osa said glancing down briefly as
he thought of the turmoil his son held.

"He can not stay with them indefinitely."

"I know. I don't believe he will. He will barely age while his friends
pass him by. It would be too lonely. But I do believe he would like to
live with is mate, however long he lives."

There were nods of agreement. First loves were always the hardest.
They turned back to the topic which had been the purposed of this
meeting. "I am still wary of this plan, Osa, but I suppose it would
only be fair to help them cross their distance since they have given
us so much more." Osa nodded. He had hoped that the council would see
all that they had gained thanks to the Voyager crew. Though the crew
did not know it, Tom and Yuri represented important parts of their
society. Both of them are new life being brought to their race, both
of them very fragile when compared to the mature ones. Most Alorem
never had the chance to procreate in such a direct manner. Few of them
are fortunate enough to create compatible new life. Their environment
is harsh for a young one and many die before they have a chance to
live, vanishing into background noise just as they are conceived. For
this reason, the young ones who make it are watched over by the whole
society. Though there are hundreds of thousands of them, with varying
degrees of energies and abilities, you'd be hard pressed to find any
two beings in their society who were not somehow connected.

"Draft a proposal. We will review it. If we agree than you will have
our permission to contact Voyager and proceed with further planning.
However we maintain final judgement as to whether it is an acceptable
risk to us and them." Osa nodded and bowed before leaving their
presence.

There was silence around the table. Several pairs of eyes were riveted
on the screen in the Conference room. Each person calculating the
implications if such a plan were to come to fruition. They were
careful to keep their excitement in check after coming across too many
plans to get them home which failed. Captain Janeway stood up and
walked to the screen to get a closer look. It would be so simple.

Alorem and normal space intersected in many areas but the distances
between the intersections varied depending on which space you were in.
In some places a journey of a thousand light-years in normal space was
only three in Alorem space. The pockets where the two spaces
intersected were more numerous in the delta and gamma quadrants and
appeared to extend beyond the Milky Way Galaxy. There were some in The
Alpha and Beta Quadrants but they were sparser. The closest they could
get to sector 001 would be about one hundred light-years but that
would put them deep into Cardassian territory. The closest safe
destination was about one and a half thousand light-years but it left
them with a negotiable path to Federation space.

In the diagram a preliminary path was displayed showing the overlap of
the spaces and Voyager's path leapfrogging from each area of overlap.
Voyager would not be able to stay in Alorem space indefinitely. They'd
have to pick up dilithium, deuterium, any other materials needed to
maintain the ship and food stuffs. There were also a whole host of
engineering problems that needed to be solved. Alorem space was
different from normal space and the differences were enough to cause
great damage to Voyager and her crew. However, if they were successful
they'd be only a year and a half away from home in just over nine
months at warp 6.5.

Janeway turned to her crew with a restrained but hopeful smile. "Let's
get to work, shall we?"

"Greg, what would you say if I started dating Tom Paris?"

"I'd say that I knew there had to be more between you two to cause
some so many sparks." Chakotay glared at him. "It's the truth. We've
been out here for a long time and you and Paris seem to have this
'attack and parry' dance going on between the two of you. I used to
wonder if I'd figure out the steps before we got home. Seems I'll have
to speed up my analysis if this plan to get home works." Greg took a
sip of his drink, pondering while his companion remained silent also
pondering. "But, yeah. Sexual tension would explain a hell of a lot,"
he said, nodding a few times.

"It's not sexual tension. Just. . . "

"Sexual tension," Greg finished. He looked around the bar, spotting
the subject of their conversation talking to Garrett Jones across the
way

"No, it's more than that." Chakotay had done a lot of thinking in the
past several hours and he was beginning to see things more clearly.
Greg glanced at him.

He sighed. "Look I'll be the first to admit that Paris was an ass when
we first met him. Maybe he would have been less of one if we hadn't
been jerks to him in the first place, but he's changed. Some
recently," he said in reference to this incident with the Alorem, "but
mostly just slowly over the years. I think he might do you some good.
Or at least get you to loosen up a bit."

"Maybe. . . " Chakotay said distractedly. He wondered if it was too
late. He looked up in time to see Tom leave the establishment and
after a moments hesitation he followed. From the bar Greg wished him
good luck and tossed back the remainder of his drink. He felt someone
take the recently vacated stool next to him. He looked over and saw
Jones.

"Scotch, straight," the man ordered of the bartender.

"Something got you down?" Greg asked lightly. Not needing a response
but open to listen if the man did.

"Just thinking that if I'd met him first it would be different." He
downed his drink quickly, enjoying the burning in his throat. He
ordered another. "I nearly changed my mind." The last statement was
made very quietly but Greg wondered at its meaning.

"Maybe you still have a chance."

Garrett shook his head and picked up his refilled drink. "He just
better make him happy."

Tom had left Sandrine's early but didn't want to head to his quarters
just yet. Deciding to just wander around for a while he let his mind
drift. It didn't drift very far before he heard someone calling his
name from behind him. He thought he recognized the voice but that
wasn't possible. He hadn't spoken to that particular person for what
seemed like ages.

"Tom!"

"Yes?" Tom looked back at Chakotay wondering what he'd done now.

The first officer caught up with him. "I was hoping I could speak with
you." There was no response as Tom waited for him to start talking.
"Privately," he clarified and Tom's cool azure gaze met his briefly.
Chakotay saw and gamut of emotions but could only label a few –some
where to his favour but some where not.

Tom gestured for Chakotay to lead the way acting as though this were
nothing more than a meeting between two officers about ship's
business. Chakotay lead them to a small observation deck. The lights
were low and the stars were still as though time had frozen for this
very confrontation.

Tom stood at the large windows looking at the stars beyond while
Chakotay stood a little behind him and stared at a view he thought was
far more beautiful.

"I'm sorry." Tom didn't respond. "What I said to you in my office was
uncalled for."

"But it was the truth."

"No!" Chakotay was quick to interrupt. "I was unsettled and confused
and I took it out on you. I'm sorry for hurting you."

Tom finally turned to him but their eyes only briefly met. "Isn't that
what you wanted? Finally giving Paris what he deserved?" His voice was
deceptively calm.

Chakotay looked down. He should have expected that there history would
have worked against him but somehow he imagined that this would be a
lot easier. "You didn't deserve what I said, Tom. I lashed out at the
closest person. I'm sorry that it was you."

'I'll bet you are,' Tom though sarcastically. "You're forgiven." He
turned to leave but as he passed him Chakotay caught him by the arm.

"Wait."

"Now what?"

"I need to ask you. . . " he wasn't sure how to word it, "Is it too
late for me, for us?"

"What!" Chakotay was about to repeat himself but Tom spoke again.
"Nevermind. I heard you." He wrenched his arm loose from the other
man's grip. Silently he looked around the room just as an excuse not
to look at Chakotay. "Why the sudden change of heart? Not long ago you
couldn't stand the sight of me."

Chakotay was going to correct him and say that looking at him was
never a problem, however the look in Tom's eyes warned him that he
wouldn't appreciate any jokes. "I just started being honest with
myself." Tom rolled his eyes. He'd never been one for all that
self-improvement/self-analysis jazz. "I discovered that not everything
I believed was true." He explained further. Tom just stood there,
waiting. How was he going to make him understand? "Look, Tom, we have
a long and ugly history but maybe we can get past it. All I'm asking
for is a chance."

"What makes you think you deserve one?" Tom crossed his arms and
leaned against a couch. "I've had to put up with a lot," Tom didn't
know where this was coming from, "maybe the spell has worn off." He
really shouldn't be playing hard to get –Chakotay may have another
change of heart –but it was too late to stop himself now.

The reference to one of his greatest worries brought Chakotay up
short. He began to second guess himself but decided to see this
through, hoping he was wrong. "There is no spell. No magic, no strange
Alorem sense of duty. . . it's just you and me, Tom."

"I don't trust you."

"Then were on the same page." Tom narrowed his eyes. They stared at
each other for a few moments before Tom shook his head and at some
thought and went for the door. "You never answered my question." Tom
looked over his shoulder. "Is it too late for us?"

There was a long pause in which Chakotay didn't breathe. Eventually
Tom answered. "No." And then he left.

Tom returned to his quarters and tried not to think about what he'd
just done. He changed out of his uniform and slipped into bed in his
briefs. "Lights out," he called and the room was plunged into darkness
and near silence. The hum of the warp engines could be heard
throughout the ship and his quarters were not different. The soft
sound soothed his nerves and relaxed him as it always did. His mind
wandered and as had been the pattern of the last many nights it
wandered to thoughts of Chakotay. He turned onto his stomach and
buried his face in a pillow. What had he been thinking? Even now he
couldn't answer that. So he was still hung up on Chakotay, that was a
given but why the hard to get attitude? Wasn't he being offered
everything that he wanted?

He sighed and turned over. He stared at the ceiling, which in the
darkness, he couldn't see. He still felt a little angry at Chakotay,
not for any one thing but for various little things: the way he
treated Tom after his return, the way those dark eyes could freeze him
on the spot, the fact that Tom still wanted those eyes on him. His
left hand idly traced a pattern on the cool white sheets while Tom
remembered those captivating eyes –eyes that had been looking directly
at him that night and held no contempt, no hate. He could picture
Chakotay's face. The sensual lips moving, creating words he had longed
to hear. Of its own volition his hand reached out to touch the image
that had been created in his mind. Of course there was nothing before
him, only darkness.

Sighing he turned to his side and hugged the extra pillow to his
chest. "I've got it bad," Tom whispered to himself. A soft smile crept
onto his face as he considered that maybe whatever he had was
catching. Tomorrow, he vowed, I'll talk to him. No jokes, no attitude,
just me.

The night gave way to the day but with no sun to greet them at dawn
they had to take the computers word for it. It was a busy start to
what would be a busy day, even though Voyager was at all-stop for the
time being. They were preparing to go into Alorem space. The first
jump would not occur for almost two weeks but that time was needed to
repair even the most minor damage that had been overlooked or ignored.
Janeway wanted Voyager at peak performance for the journey. A few
probes were also being launched in to Alorem space. They need to know
what to expect on both sides. How would Voyager stand up to the
different stress fields, how would Alorem space react to have a large
mass suddenly within it? They also needed to stock up on resources.
Every shuttle was scheduled for short away missions to collect the
needed supplies and this morning Tom would be one of the first to go.

He only had time for a quick breakfast but when he saw Chakotay
sitting at a table with only the company of a data PADD he only
hesitated briefly before joining him. "Is this seat taken?" It took a
moment for the surprise to leave the older man's face.

"Uh, no. Have a seat." There was a strained silence and Tom pushed his
food around on his plate. "So. . . you have a mission today?" Chakotay
asked.

"You're the one who made the roster," he smiled at him glad to know
that the awkwardness was being felt on both sides. Before Chakotay
could say anything Captain Janeway's voice rang out over the comm
system asking for Chakotay.

"Gotta go," he said with a shrug. "Are you busy this evening?" he
asked before he stood. Tom shook his head. "Dinner? My quarters?
Eighteen hundred?" Tom was frozen for a second before he managed to
nod. Chakotay smiled and before Tom could get his mouth to start
working the man was gone. The shock had not completely worn off when
Ensign Kim sat down in the recently vacated seat.

"Hey. Are you okay? You look kinda. . . .I don't know, weird."

Tom seemed to notice him for the first time. "I've got a dinner
date..."

"You sound surprised. . . "

"With Chakotay," he continued hardly hearing what Harry had said.

"I figured as much." Harry eyed Tom critically. He looked alright
except for the spacey expression. "Don't you have a mission today?"
That startled Tom out of his reverie. He cursed and downed his coffee
in a few large gulps.

"Gotta go, Har. See ya!" He dashed for the door and the shuttle bay
leaving a smiling Harry Kim in the mess hall. Finally things were
heading in the right direction.

Tom and Chakotay never got the chance to have dinner that night. Both
their duties kept them busy far longer than anticipated and the
pattern would continue until the time of the first jump. So for the
next two weeks they couldn't spend nearly as much time together as
they desired. It eventually came down to when one was working and the
other wasn't they'd simply sit together quietly, sometimes a head
resting in a lap, sometimes shoulder to shoulder. Few words were
exchanged but words had always just gotten in the way before. The
casual closeness went a long way towards breaking the few remaining
barriers between them. The fatigue left them with little energy for
many words and even less for the fronts they both used to protect
themselves. It wasn't long before they were sharing the same bed,
though only for sleeping.

It was the night before the first jump Tom had visited Alorem space
with Osa that day. He returned in the late evening and after giving
his report to the Captain he headed for Chakotay's quarters. He gave
no thought to what he was doing, simply following what had become his
routine. He entered the code for Chakotay's quarters and greeted his
CO with a smile. Chakotay was making the final review on a number of
systems but appeared to be near completion. Tom lay down on the couch,
the top of his head brushing Chakotay's thigh and his legs dangling
over the arm. Due to his trip to Alorem space his extended senses were
more active than usual. From Chakotay he felt a slight tingle –similar
to but much duller than when they'd shared their first kiss not too
many days ago. . .

They were sitting together on Tom's couch –Chakotay reviewing reports
and Tom writing them –when Chakotay noticed the distant look in Tom's
eyes. He was looking at the PADD in his hand but obviously not seeing
it. "Tom," Chakotay called softly. He was having trouble concentrating
as well after three hours of nothing but administrative reports. He
supposed Tom was having the same problem.

Tom didn't respond to Chakotay. He sat with one leg bent beneath him
and his baby-blues remained focussed on some invisible point. Chakotay
shifted closer somewhat amused. "Tom." He was a little louder this
time but still no response. He thought about doing something like
licking Tom's ear, surely that would get a response, but settled on
moving closer and being just a little louder –still nothing. Chakotay
would have been impressed if he weren't so confused. Chakotay looked
him over critically at first, but as he took in the sharp jaw line the
perfect nose, the long eyelashes, the smooth skin, he lost his
objectivity. Ever so gently Chakotay touched the back of his fingers
to Tom's cheek.

The touch startled Tom back to reality. That coupled with Chakotay's
close proximity caused him to drop his PADD and give a slight jump. He
looked at Chakotay with wide eyes. They were both frozen for several
seconds before Tom released a large breath, the tension leaving him.
He reached for his jettisoned PADD. "Jeez, Chakotay! Warn a guy, would
yay!" Chakotay moved back minutely but didn't take his eyes off the
flushed face. After a moment he leaned forward again. Tom saw him
coming out of the corner of his eye and turned slightly to ask what he
was doing. He never got around to it. When the soft lips touched his
own all thought froze and a tingling sensation made its way down his
back. As Chakotay was pulling away, Tom launched himself at him
pinning him to the sofa and continuing the kiss. Chakotay's shock
allowed Tom to slip his tongue past his lips, to plunder his mouth.
Big, warm hands slid up Tom's side and soon found their way under his
loose shirt.

It was like minute electric shocks wherever Chakotay touched. When he
lightly trailed the tips of his fingers up the middle of Tom's back –a
gentle caress from his lower lumbar to the top of the thoracic- Tom
moaned into the kiss as the tingling increased causing the muscles of
his back to tense. They would have continued on exploring each other's
mouths and skin but the entrance to Tom's quarter's suddenly slid open
for Ensign Kim. Chakotay and Tom were back to their respective seats
in less than a second but Harry was no fool, he knew what he'd
interrupted.

"Hey, Harry." Tom said, trying to disguise his breathlessness. "You
want a drink?"

Harry tried unsuccessfully to stifle his smile. "Don't worry I'll get
it," he said waving for Tom to stay seated. He got his drink and
evaluated the couple on the couch. After a moment he commented, "I
though only pregnant women glowed." Tom was suitably confused but
Chakotay and Harry could see the slight luminance from Tom and the
hair that shone and flowed. With his flushed cheeks and completely
open expression Tom was a portrait of ethereal splendour.

"Well, I have somewhere else to be. . . " Harry said. He put his empty
glass back in the replicator to be reclaimed and headed for the door.

"Uh. . . yeah. . . see you later, Har." Tom watched him go, still
trying to understand his previous comment. He gave up and went back to
the work that he'd abandoned. He didn't get far when he felt
Chakotay's eyes on him. He glanced up. There eyes locked. Tom leaned
over gave Chakotay another kiss, tender but short, and then went back
to work.

So maybe it had been their first and second kiss but that's just
details.

"Tom!" The blonde man startled and noticed his boyfriend looking down
at him. "Are you okay?" Tom nodded. Chakotay tilted his head to the
side. "Where do you go when you space out like that?"

"I don't go anywhere and I'm not spaced out," he said, slightly
miffed. He'd been feeling increasingly anxious that last two weeks.
Only his time with Chakotay put him at ease. However, it seemed that
tonight Chakotay's presence would not be enough to settle him. He sat
up and stretched while Chakotay collected his PADD into an ordered
stack. Tom leaned forwards resting his arms on his knees, his hands
lightly clasped. He knew what it was. He'd ignored it for as long as
possible but he'd always felt something similar in these instances,
rare though they'd been.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just wondering what it's going to be like. . . y'know. . .
going home and all."

Chakotay scooted closer and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Captain
Janeway won't let anything happen to us."

"Captain Janeway isn't God." Strangely annoyed and unsettled with the
close proximity Tom stood and moved to the viewport. When Osa had
first proposed the plan Tom had been excited. The crew could finally
go home. They were on the verge of realizing their dream, yet it
wasn't until the prospect was immediately at the horizon that Tom
began to realise that he'd been lying to himself for three years. The
Alpha Quadrant, the Federation, did not mean for Tom what it did for
everyone else. There was no home to return to, no family to embrace,
no hope to put his faith in. He had an eight by twelve, grey-walled
coffin lying in wait for his return. "I can't go back," he whispered
to himself.

He suddenly found himself turned around and facing the panicked face
of his commanding officer. "Tom. . . " words failed him. He shook his
head trying to think of something, anything to say.

"I can't go back." Chakotay's grip at his shoulder's tightened.

"Nothing will happen." Chakotay tried to convey with his eyes and his
touch that which he could not portray in words. However, the windows
to his soul betrayed his own worry. Tom wasn't the only one facing
prison time in the Federation. Chakotay, as leader of the former
Maquis crew, not only had himself but the rest of his crew to protect.
Feeling guilty for piling more worry onto Chakotay, Tom decided to let
it go. He pulled him in to a hug and for long moments they just held
each other.

"You're right. We'll be okay." It was a lie but it made them feel
better than the truth would have and on some level they both knew it.

That night Chakotay didn't sleep much. He spent the majority of his
waking moments watching the man beside him. In silent agreement they
decided to sleep together in Chakotay's bed. They did little more than
kiss and cuddle and eventually Tom fell asleep. The thoughts churning
in his mind kept Chakotay awake and fairly alert. He too was worried
about returning to the Alpha Quadrant but Tom's dilemma was still
unique to his. Chakotay had no choice but to return. Dorvan was his
home. Tom on the other hand had little, if anything to return for. He
had family in the AQ but none of whom, he believed, would want
anything to do with him. And now he also had family in the Delta
Quadrant -Alorem Space was apparently easier to gain access to in the
Delta Quadrant. How was Tom supposed to choose? He was half human and
fifty percent Alorem. Not quite one and not wholly the other. Betwixt
and between –a fitting idiom.

Sighing he tightened the hold he had around Tom's waist. The other man
mumbled softly for a second before finding some comfort in the embrace
and returning to dreamland. Chakotay was determined not to loose him.
The path to this point had been extremely turbulent, both emotionally
and physically but they had found a balance since then. Chakotay had
found his other half. Tom gives him flight and Chakotay gives Tom a
perch to rest. He took a deep breath catching Tom's scent and relaxing
him. Tom had protected him when it had been matters of exploration and
the unknown. Chakotay would protect Tom especially now when it was
matters of home and of the heart.

"We'll still have a year and a half to travel before we reach
Federation space," Tom reported, "but for the most part our path has
been explored and mapped by previous Starfleet and Romulan missions so
there shouldn't be many surprises." He retook his seat at the
conference table, his portion of the report concluded.

"A year a half –that should be enough time to get everything in
order," commented Janeway. "There are some communications relays in
that area of the Beta Quadrant. If we're lucky they're still
operational and we'll be able to contact Starfleet during that time."
She looked at the faces around the table already beginning to miss the
time they shared together. There was still one last mission to
complete and when the nine months were over. . . it would mark the end
of there journey as a single crew. She knew that being so close to
home would change the dynamics between the crewmembers. They would all
be eager to hear about the conflict in the DMZ but they were cheering
for opposing sides. Starfleet versus Maquis on Voyager would become
friend versus friend. It could tear them apart down the seam most had
forgotten still existed. Voyager would no longer be an isolated
community. They'd again be subject to external issues, one of them
being how to deal with nearly half of the crew being outlaws, one
convicted felon, one former Borg and their single delta quadrant
native. She'd already discussed it with Chakotay and she was committed
to seeing all crewmembers being free but nothing could guarantee
they'd maintain their positions in Starfleet.

Well there would be not point in worrying if they never reached the
Alpha Quadrant. It was time for their leap frog through Alorem Space
to begin.

---

Tom felt was unusually anxious as Chakotay led them to the bed. It
wasn't like this was new to him. He'd had sex with men before, none
since his time in the academy but it's like riding a bike, right? You
never really forget how. The mechanics of it weren't unknown to him.
He knew how to do this but it wasn't helping with his nerves.

They'd been leading up to this for some time. In Tom's previous
relationships they'd have had sex by now but this was different. This
meant more to him than his previous trysts. He felt as though he was
making a commitment to Chakotay. Who would have thought that Tom Paris
would settle down? The man who would nearly go into anaphylactic shock
at the mention of commitment was off the market. Surprisingly it was
comforting. Knowing that he'd always have a place to return to and
someone who would support him no matter what –it was all quite new to
Tom. With his previous partners they'd always placed value in his
image, in his family connection, never in just him. Even in his family
the prospect of unconditional love and acceptance was foreign. There'd
always been a sense that if he failed he would no longer be part of
the family. It had proven true after Caldik Prime. A message from his
father telling him to move out of their house in San Francisco, the
cold shoulder he received from his two older sisters was enough to let
him know that he had feared correctly.

However, now he was ready to trust someone again. Chakotay wasn't the
type to hurt someone he cared about. It was plain to see how much he
cherished his family and friends and now Tom felt like that privilege
was his as well. Or so he hoped. What if Chakotay didn't know how much
this meant?

He felt a touch at his face and finally noticed Chakotay standing in
front of him. They were next to the bed but Tom couldn't tell how long
they'd been standing there. "You spacing out on me again?" He smiled
and pulled Tom into a kiss before he could respond. The gentle caress
of Chakotay's fingers on his cheek, the soft lips, the arms wrapped
around his waist dissolved all doubts. Tom put all his emotion into
the kiss, returning the embrace of his lover. Chakotay pulled away and
looked into the sky blue eyes. He continued the gentle caress as he
said, "You can trust me."

In those words, with that touch he conveyed the regret for the way
he'd treated Tom before, and a promise that this was no passing fancy.
"Ugh. . . "

"Good morning to you too."

Slow uncoordinated contraction of muscles in and near his neck managed
to turn Tom's head to the source of the voice. "Mmph," was all the
greeting he could manage.

"Not a morning person, are you?" Tom just closed his eyes to his
lover. It shouldn't be possible to be that cheerful in the morning.
How could he be totally awake already? Tom opened his eyes and noticed
that Chakotay was in uniform and lying on top of the sheets rather
than naked between the sheets. He frowned.

"Why're you up already?" Tom mumbled.

Chakotay was still smiling. "We start early today remember. You know.
Beginning the jumps to the Beta Quadrant. Detouring through Alorem
space. Getting home." Chakotay was still wary of what would happen
when they returned to Sector 001 but he'd had several discussion with
Captain Janeway and he's made several contingency plans for everyone
who might be in jeopardy, Tom included. Thus, he was feeling rather
excited. Tom however wasn't.

He had tried to schedule Baytart to take them for today but Captain
Janeway and Chakotay insisted that it be him. Not only was he the
Chief Helmsman so he should be the one to begin this historic journey
into the unknown, but also because this was unknown they needed the
best pilot at the helm. They data they collected from the probes in
particular indicated that crossing the threshold between the two
spaces would be the most difficult. The rest should be smooth sailing.

"If you don't get up soon you'll be late," Chakotay warned. "What do
you want for breakfast?" he walked to the replicator reciting options,
all on him. Tom glowered at Chakotay's cheerful mood but it was good
to see him happy. As Tom watched him he got the feeling that this is
what mornings would be like for the duration of there relationship. He
smiled at that thought and sat up, only to wince when a sharp pain
reminded him of last night's activities. It didn't stop his smile.
After the shock of the pain subsided his smile returned full force
plus a few watts brighter.

"Pancakes," Tom called to Chakotay his breakfast order.

"Coming right up!"

Today could be the beginning of a very good day.

After the first shaky jump into Alorem space most the following ones
were smooth. Adhering to the strict guidelines given by the Alorem
council they stayed away from Alorem establishments and structures to
prevent damage. All scans were passive but in realm where life forms
were energy and emitted energy they still gained vast amounts of data.
The journey was also filled with splendid images of Alorem
civilization. Whole cities of energy beings and structures twinkled on
the viewscreen like San Francisco at twilight. Of course as matter
beings they could never visit these foreign metropolises. They're
curiosity about day-to-day Alorem life only grew with these brushes
with the cities and while Tom tried to answer most of the questions
there were many to which he had absolutely no knowledge about and many
that had not even occurred to him.

Voyager's frequently returned to regular space for supplies and
shoreleave. Too much time cooped up together would only cause problems
and it was important to maintain Voyager's hardware, software and
crew. They were three days ahead of schedule with seventy-two percent
of their journey complete when, after leaving Maloras Prime and the
friendly inhabitants, they're good fortune ran dry. The Relor were
back.

Voyager's presence created an unforeseen breach in the Alorem
Defensive Grid. The vessels course was close to the border of Alorem
territory to reduce chance encounters with Alorem people and
structures. Another requirement was that Voyager always had its
shields up to maintain the integrity of Voyager and prevent harmful
energy exhaust from the warp engines from causing any damage. What no
one had anticipated was that interaction between photons from the
defense grid and Voyager's shield would distort and in sometimes
nullify the grid. This was a problem particularly when they crossed
between normal and Alorem space. Although instances of grid
nullification where rare they provided the enemy Relor and means of
crossing, undetected, into Alorem territory.

Violent tremors racked the ship tossing personnel from their stations
to floor and sometimes into walls. They were caught dead in the middle
of the threshold between the two spaces, held in place by an unknown
force. What they did know was that Relor signatures could be found
around them on the side of the ship that was in Alorem space and the
numbers were increasing.

"Tom, get us out of here!" Janeway's order could barely be heard over
the shaking, alerts and frequent overloading of consoles.

Tom did his best and tried every combination of warp frequencies he
could imagine until the nacelles threatened to fly of their pylons.
Nothing made a difference. "I can't get us free!"

"I'm detecting Alorem signatures," announced Kim. "They're a lot
bigger than usual. . . " On his monitors the Alorem where twenty times
bigger and emitted eight thousand times the usual energy. "It looks
like their engaging the Relor." Tom continued to try and free the ship
while engineering routed more power to the engines it was making a
small difference but they needed more. The extra push they needed
would not come by conventional means.

Beyond the hull of Voyager and into Alorem space the battle raged.
With Voyager trapped at the threshold the grid remained null and Relor
forces leaked inside. The Alorem who attempted to resist the Relor
where no ordinary Alorem. Just as humanoid species got to war in ship,
planes and reinforced armour, so too do the Alorem. Their
reinforcement was, as one would expect, comprised of energy –different
types harnessed to amplify and accurately direct the pilot's own
power. They are not invincible however and many would succumb to the
growing force of the Relor attack but one new Relor weapon in
particular threatened to decimate all of them.

From the largest Relor attacker came a sudden burst of strange energy,
undocumented even to the Alorem. A moment later the border was quiet
with only Voyager, caught in the threshold crackling with unbalanced
energy. All Alorem and Relor ships were temporarily disabled. As the
crew of Voyager observed in confusion the Relor ships regained
operation first and managed to heavily damage and in some cases
destroy the Alorem forces. On the Voyager sensors they could see the
much smaller and much weaker pilots bailing from their downed
contraption but some where destroyed with their machines.

The Alorem forces eventually regained operation and a blanket command
from Alorem commanders to rotate their base frequency in hopes of
making the new weapon less effective worked. The second time the
weapon was fired more Relor ships than Alorem were disabled resulting
in major losses for the Relor. The stubborn Relor decided on a third
and final activation of their weapon. The battlefield was silenced
absolutely this time. The ship carrying the weapon was destroyed a few
seconds after its activation due to system overload, taking many
nearby Relor ships with it. All vehicles on both sides of the conflict
were deadened. The pulse deflected somewhat by Voyager's shields
caused the vessel to be pushed back into normal space with a minimal
amount of physical damage. Voyager's violent ejection from Alorem
space created a field with a net negative force that pulled nearby
ships towards it causing many of the Relor ships to be pulled back out
of Alorem territory.

While Alorem and Relor recovered their downed combatants, damages and
casualties were being counted on Voyager as well. Many of the ships
systems were scrambled but a reboot would fix those errors. Cuts,
bruises, a few burns and some broken bones were reported but by far
the most serious was the chief helmsman.

As Chakotay directed repairs he could not escape the horror of those
last moments. They had just been thrust back into normal space when
Chakotay saw Tom slumped onto the helm controls unmoving. While
Janeway and the other's cleared their head and picked themselves off
the deck Chakotay was stumbling towards his lover. The dim light from
the console coloured the pale skin and reflected a strange rainbow
from the open eyes. He pulled Tom away from the console to rest on the
back of the chair while Chakotay cradled his head. Tom was absolutely
still and as the rest of the bridge crew took notice of them they fell
still as well, watching helplessly as events transpired.

"Tom," he'd called softly and then again more desperately. He touched
the cooling face and motionless chest and felt no life. Panic began to
creep over his senses causing his skin to tingle and a cool sweat to
slick his skin. Over his accelerating breathing he heard Kim cry out
in frustration as transporters failed over and over to get a lock on
his friend. "Tom. . . " it had been a near whisper from his trembling
lips. Then Chakotay thought he was hallucinating. Something began to
flow out of Tom and dissipate in all directions. It was a translucent
blue-grey colour and it passed through the air and all object like
they didn't exist.

It had not been a hallucination as he would discover when to spoke to
the others. The torrent of strange mist-like substance had been Tom's
Alorem energy leaving his body. The pulse from the Relor weapon had
not being entirely deflected by Voyager's shields and it had damaged
the Alorem part of Tom enough that the very energy that sustained him
seeped away like blood spills from a wound.

Suddenly Chakotay's arms had been empty the blue shimmer of light
bringing back memories of Tom's earlier death in the shuttlebay but
his thinking brain kicked in indicating that it was more likely the
transporter beam. "He's in Sickbay," Kim stated a moment later, easing
Chakotay's panic further. A shaking hand ran down his face and somehow
he found the strength to move, to speak, to command.

It was almost 0200 and the ship was quiet again. All injured personnel
except Tom had been sent home. Sickbay was dimmed. Chakotay sat alone
next to his near dead lover. Unable to even hold his hand he stared
alternately at the floor and at Tom's pale face half concealed by the
breathing mask of the respirator –one of many medical inventions
keeping his body alive. He'd been placed in forcefield usually used to
restrain patients who'd suffered extreme internal and spinal injuries
but in Tom's case it kept what little was left of his energy from
trickling away. Chakotay sighed. He was tired but on a previous
attempt was unable to sleep so he came back here and contemplated his
and Tom's rotten luck.

This ephemeral glance at happiness was not enough for him. The last
six and a half months during the leaps had given Chakotay more time to
know and love Tom. He'd briefly touched upon understanding the
happiness and sense of belonging he'd seen between his parents.
Finally, he'd found his other half. It could not end like this.

Perhaps the Alorem had some sort of treatment for this. They'd sent a
message to Osa but Nie had been the one to respond and visit the ship.
He'd briefly given them an account of what had happened on their side,
taken a scan of Tom and then left to deliver the information to his
superiors. The faint frown on the light-blue being was not comforting
but he left with a promise that they would find a way to save him.
Chakotay at one point had made a careless comment about the false
sense of invincibility Osa had portrayed to them when Tom had first
returned. Nie response had been blunt and his tone razor sharp.

"He's been given gifts that allow him to survive but he has also been
cursed with new ways to die. He's both, stronger and weaker than all
of us. We have never claimed otherwise." It was then plain to see that
Tom's condition was affecting Nie as well. He thought of himself as an
uncle, given his closeness to Osa and being one of the first to meet
the man when he was only human. Now he was only half of both. And
thanks to the Relor he was half dead as well. That's how the Doctor at
least tried to describe it.

Looking at Tom with even the most invasive scan indicated that he was
a perfectly healthy adult male. By human terms Tom was fine but that
was only half of it. As the incident with B'Elanna and the Vidiians had
shown, a hybrid can not live as one half, requiring that the Doctor
reincorporate B'Elanna's Klingon DNA. This was a parallel situation
with Tom's Alorem half being so badly injured that he can no longer
sustain himself. His heart would not beat without assistance. His
lungs only worked because the air was forced in and then sucked out
manually. His brain function was just above the level of brain dead.
What was left of the two energy nodes were several orders of magnitude
smaller and weaker than they had been and they continued to fade.
Nothing the Doctor tried made a difference. According to Nie even the
Alorem were yet able to revive their people who'd been injured by the
Relor weapon. The situation was grim but they still had their hope.
Unfortunately, Tom couldn't be revived with hope.

Chakotay felt a presence near him and heard someone moving about.
Slowly he returned to wakefulness. He sat up from slumped position and
covered a wide yawn.

"Good morning, Commander," The Doctor greeted while he continued to
check Tom over.

"Anything?"

"There's been no change over night. I would suggest that you get some
rest back in your quarters. Sleeping in a chair is not good for your
back."

"I know. I know." He couldn't recall when he'd fallen asleep. Though
his back protested he knew he'd gotten more sleep here than he ever
would have in his own bed without Tom next to him. "What are you
doing?" the Commander asked when he noticed the Doctor was turning off
Tom's monitoring equipment as switching the life support to and
independent system.

"There's been damage to Sickbays main operating system from yesterday.
It's minor but the engineering crew wants to reboot the system and
replace several components to ensure that there could not be any
malfunction of the system especially when Mr. Paris is relying on it."

Chakotay recalled the Kim listed sickbay as one of the systems that
needed to be repaired. "So where are you moving him while this is
being done?"

"Cargo Bay Two has sufficient space and power to run the medical
equipment. It's also only two levels down. Ensign Wildman and I will
be there to monitor him and provide care to anyone who needs medical
attention."

Chakotay nodded and sat back in his chair staring at the ceiling. The
Doctor was tempted to offer some words of reassurance but they all
sounded quite trite and clichéd. Maybe it was just that his
programming was too imperfect to constitute the correct wording –in
any of the many languages available to him –or maybe there was nothing
to say.

---

"How is he?"

The Doctor spared nary a glance at the Captain as she entered the
cargo bay. He tapped a few commands into the console before answering.
"Mr. Paris's energy levels have risen since we moved him to the Cargo
bay. I've yet to determine a cause for this."

"So he's recovering?" Janeway asked looking over at the still and
silent man.

"No. The increase in energy has stopped and shows no signs of
resuming. I'll continue to monitor him for any changes and attempt to
determine the cause."

Janeway nodded. "Keep me informed." She left the cargo bay and headed
to engineering to see how repairs were going.

On the bridge Chakotay was in command. He'd left sickbay just a few
minutes before they transported Tom to the Cargo Bay since he had
bridge duty today. The Doctor had informed the Captain immediately
about the change in Tom's condition and in turn she had told him.
Chakotay had already been turning around to take the lift to deck six
but the Captain had reminded him of his duties and reluctantly he'd
continued to the bridge. No doubt Chakotay was unhappy about being
away from Tom and although he knew there was nothing he could do to
help his lover he felt he should have been there anyway.

Resisting the urge to slump in the command chair the commander pulled
up the repair log on the small console next to his seat. Repairs were
on schedule. They'd be ready for another jump in four days, provided
the Alorem still allowed them to detour through their space. Upon
further inspection Harry had discovered the fatal interaction between
the barrier and Voyager's shields. They'd probably need to change
their course and their point of entry to prevent the same event.

The Alorem still had not contacted them and Chakotay wondered if the
damage done by the Relor was worse than initially estimated. He hoped
they'd found something to heal the damage done by the Relor weapon,
something, anything that would help Tom because Chakotay didn't know
what he'd do if he lost Tom again.

"Hey, Harry!"

Turning around Kim saw B'Elanna jogging to catch up with him. "Hi,
B'Elanna. Where are you heading?" It was late. He had worked well into
Beta shift in order to help with repairs. Torres must have done the
same. In fact Harry was surprised to see her out of engineering so
early. She usually stayed there for as long as possible.

"I'm probably going to the same place you are. Cargo Bay Two."

Harry smirked. "So, you and Seven are going to trade baking recipes or
is she going to tell you how to recalibrate the warp core?" He could
see the rage bubbling in B'Elanna at the mention of Seven of Nine,
their resident Borg. He was beginning to understand why Tom enjoyed
goading her so much.

"That peroxide-top Amazon couldn't recalibrate a wrench!" And she
punched Harry in the arm for the first suggestion. "I'm going to see
Tom," she stated. "I want to know what the Doctor has found about what
happened to him."

"I thought that Osa would have come back by now. Y'know. . . just to
check up on Tom."

B'Elanna shrugged. "I guess he's busy."

Harry concurred but still, "as a father you think he'd at least stop
by just to see."

"Sorry, Harry. I can't help you with that. I don't have a lot of
experiences dealing with fathers." She said it with a shrug but Harry
knew he'd hit a nerve. B'Elanna's father had walked out on her and her
mother and, as far as he had figured out, she blamed her Klingon
heritage. Before he could say anything, even apologize, they were at
the cargo bay.

The Doc greeted them in his usual tone and manner. "Lieutenant,
Ensign, are you injured? Bleeding? Dying?"

". . . no. . . " Harry responded unsure why the questionnaire.

"Then you have no business here. I am busy. Mister Paris's condition
has not changed, so shoo!" B'Elanna stared at him for a moment
contemplating how to decompiled him and then brushed past to see Tom.
Harry smiled at the Doc and followed her.

Tom was completely still and deathly pale. In sickbay the imposing
medical machines that kept him alive were ominous enough, but with the
background of Borg alcoves and technology made them even more
menacing. "So what's the prognosis, Doctor?" Harry asked.

"Nothing has changed," he repeated.

"But I heard that Tom had improved. I thought he was doing better."

"You've been misinformed Ensign. Lieutenant Paris's improvement
appears to be a fluke. I've determined no cause for it and no
indication that it will happen again." The hope on Harry's face faded
away and a certain algorithm in the Doctor indicated that he felt
guilty. In accordance, he attempted to return some of that lost hope
to the young man. "However, Tom has not given up. He's still with us.
Nor have I given up. I still have many avenues to venture down. So, if
you'll clear the area, I'll continue." Harry nodded and after a minute
he and B'Elanna left.

They walked in silence with no destination in mind. "This must be hard
on Chakotay," Harry said, thinking out loud. It was hard on him too.
Tom was his first and best friend on Voyager. They'd shared many
things with each other: their pasts, their dreams. He did not want to
think of Tom, comatose and steps from death.

B'Elanna didn't like the depressed expression on Harry's face and
decided that they needed to get some air. "Come on, Starfleet!" She
grabbed his arm and dragged him to the holodeck while Harry protested
the entire way. "Loosen up, Harry! We'll just relax for a few minutes
then you can go to bed!"

"I don't know. . . "

"I'll even tuck you in!" Harry smiled. He and B'Elanna had been
getting close for the past few months but nothing had happened yet.
"So, let's go!"

They arrived to find a moderate number of crewmembers mingling and
lounging in the resort program. Kim and Torres decided to lie in some
lounge chairs and enjoy a luxury that was only available to them when
they were on shoreleave. 'Soaking up sun' was hard to do when they
passed thousands of stars every hour and were too far away for them to
be anything more than a streak of light. The holodeck was the next
best thing.

"This is nice," Harry said to no-one in particular. He had his hands
folded across his stomach and his eyes closed.

B'Elanna nodded in agreement. Harry, Tom and Neelix had done a great
job on the program. Neelix had done most of the work but Harry and Tom
had added the finishing touches to make it more inviting (and of
course B'Elanna had made some additions of her own). They could come
here and try to forget that they were nowhere near home and that the
life of one of their closest friends was hanging by a thread. There
was no guarantee that they'd be able to continue their jumps through
Alorem Space and they still had over fifteen thousand light-years to
go. They'd shaved decades off their trip already but Tom had nearly
died in their first encounter with the Alorem and Relor and now he was
on his death bed again. B'Elanna looked over and saw a sad look on
Kim's face.

"Don't worry Harry. Tom will pull through."

"Yeah. . . just like always," he said dejectedly. "What if his luck
runs out this time? We're so close to getting home." B'Elanna didn't
respond. Harry was in a depressed state of mind and B'Elanna didn't
know how to bring him out of it; Tom would know.

The two were silent for a long time. The holographic sun shone down on
the officers and more people, both holographic and real, came and went
occasionally casting shadows on them. Pieces of conversations floated
to them: words, phrases, ideas. It added to the mind-numbing
background noise of the resort but an off-hand comment had the gears
in the chief engineers mind turning overtime.

". . . I know. . . it's like the sunlight re-energizes me. . . ."

Suddenly B'Elanna sat up, eyes wide. The sudden movement from the
previously dead still woman startled the two officers who had been
speaking nearby. "That's it!" She turned to the startled officers, one
of whom was an engineer under her command.

". . . L. . . Lieutenant. . . ?"

"That's why he got better! He was closer!" The two officers looked at
each other in confusion. The commotion roused Ensign Kim.

"B'Elanna what are you going on about?"

She pulled him up from the lounge chair, her Klingon strength coming
in handy. "Come on, Harry! I've got an idea!" He barely had enough
time to get his legs to work before B'Elanna was dashing out of the
holodeck. He only managed to catch up with her at the turbolift.

"Would you slow down and explain it to me?"

"The warp core!"

"What about it?"

"That's why his condition improved! When they moved him to the cargo
bay they brought him closer to the warp core! I think that's why he
got a little better."

"Are you sure?"

"Well. . .  no but what else could it be?"

B'Elanna could tell that they were sceptical. It was written on each
of there faces but she knew she was right. Damn the Doctor. Why
couldn't he just agree to give it a try? The two of them had argued
for several minutes and eventually the Doctor decided to bring the
captain in on it. She brought Chakotay along with her and now all the
senior officers except Tuvok were assembled.

"Doctor, is it possible that the energy from the warp core is somehow
affecting Tom?" Chakotay asked reasonably.

"Of course it's possible. Maybe even likely but I don't know enough
about his physiology to say for certain. Even things that could be
good for him, in excess, could harm him. I would advise against any
rash treatments before I have a chance to run proper tests." He looked
at B'Elanna as he spoke.

"I'm not suggesting we hook him up to the warp core and give him a
transfusion of plasma!"

"I should hope not," the hologram huffed.

"Enough you two," interrupted Janeway. "B'Elanna, are you sure about
this?"

She glanced around before answering. "Fairly. I saw Tom once on the
engineering upper deck and he was sitting there in his Alorem form. He
told me that he could feel the core. During the warp assembly
maintenance we did months ago –it was Tom that stabilized the core
while it was running at minimum output."

"I think it's worth a shot," said Kim.

"We have to try anything that might help him." Chakotay was desperate
to get Tom back. He'd already spent one night without him. He couldn't
face another. It was already getting late and Chakotay was dreading
the idea of going to bed without Tom.

"For now, Doctor, I want you to continue running tests. Look into
B'Elanna's theory. Have a report ready for the briefing tomorrow
before Alpha Shift. The rest of you, get some rest." She raised her
hands to halt the protests. "Tomorrow we can continue this but right
now we're all tired. Tomorrow when we have more information we can go
from there. I want Tom back just a much as you do but I will not put
him in danger by attempting something without knowing all the facts."

Harry and B'Elanna backed down, agreeing that they needed to know
more, however, Chakotay was not as easily convinced. As the two
younger officers left Chakotay aired his argument but Janeway wasn't
in the mood to listen. She was tired too. This was her ship. They were
her crewmembers. She'd nearly lost one in yet another desperate scheme
to get home. The guilt was weighing her down. Looking into her first
officer's eyes didn't help any. She could see the pain and longing
there. This tragedy was worse for him because he was so close to Tom.
Despite his pain, despite hers, now was not the time to be arguing
this.

"Tomorrow, Chakotay." She turned away. "Goodnight, Doctor." And she
left. Chakotay remained there, angry that she would not even listen to
him. As an officer he knew that they had to wait but as a man, as a
lover, he couldn't. Tomorrow was hours away; a few long, almost
eternal hours away. Sighing silently, releasing pent up frustration he
slowly made his way to Tom. He pulled a cargo container close and sat
on the corner. He'd stay by Tom's side this night, just as he had done
in the last. He folded his arms on the edge of the biobed and turned
his gaze to Tom's face. He couldn't even touch him. Being close would
have to be enough.

It was early afternoon of the next day when they finally brought Tom
all the way to Main Engineering. They couldn't use the transporters
while Tom was in the condition so it was, again, a tricky matter of
manoeuvring the biobed into the lifts and through the corridors.
Chakotay was with them the entire way, as was the Doctor who monitored
his patient. As the Doctor had expected Tom's energy readings
increased proportionally with their proximity to the warpcore. He had
done extensive testing nearly all night and had confirmed B'Elanna's
theory but even moving Tom directly next to the warp core would not be
enough by his estimation. Tom still continued to loose energy –the
force-field could only do so much. It was not a dire threat to Tom now
that his energy level was higher but he could not recover if the wound
didn't close.

The Doctor set up shop on the upper deck of engineering, not far from
the spot where B'Elanna had first seen the new Tom those months ago.

"One hundred and sixty-two percent improvement," He saw the smile
appear and then disappear as he continued, "but still only three
percent of normal."

"Any other ideas?" the Captain asked of B'Elanna. Most of them had
been up half the night unable to sleep and contemplating how else to
help Tom. It amounted to about fifteen wasted hours between the four
of them.

"No plasma transfusion I presume," B'Elanna said in a sigh and the
Doctor shook his head. "That's what I thought." She thought for a few
moments. "I don't know how to get him any closer, short of
transporting him into the core."

"It was a good try Lieutenant."

"In the mean time, I will remain here with Lieutenant Paris. Perhaps
something will spark my creative genius."

"The rest of you, return to your duties we need to finish repairs."
Kim and Torres nodded and after a last look at Tom they headed their
separate ways. "Commander, we should try to contact the Alorem
–determine if we can still cut through their space and if they've
found anything to counteract Relor weapon."

"Alright." They headed for the exit but along the way Janeway realized
that Chakotay was no longer with her. She looked back and saw the
commander gazing sadly at Tom. He looked very lost just then but he
pulled himself together. The shoulders rose from their previous slump,
the head was high, the commander was back. He turned and continued to
the exit joining Janeway and together they went to the bridge.

How long had he been coming here? How long since those eyes had last
seen him? Too long probably. He sighed and leaned back in his dark
little corner. The deck was quiet. All but the fewest personnel were
at the celebration. He snorted what kind of party could it be with Tom
still here? Still here after so many weeks and so many attempts to
heal him. He wasn't ready to give up though. Neither was the Doctor
but even he had to rest. He deserved a break too. He'd been
researching almost non-stop to find a way but there'd been no
'Eureka's to speak of.

He stared at the biobed with the prostrate form with the blinking
lights on the medical equipment around him. All the while the core
droned on with its incessant hum; it teased him y'know! It held the
secret to curing Tom. He knew it did. The swirling column hummed to
him a taunting tune, the brilliant blue eddies, reminded him of the
eyes he hadn't seen in so long. It was becoming more than he could
bear not because he could not live without Tom but because he could.
He still came to see him everyday, rain or shine so to speak and while
he missed his lover's voice and touch, he was growing accustomed to
the loss. He could sleep in bed without Tom next to him. Dreamless and
hardly restful, it was the sleep of the damned. Before he'd had
dreams, confusing, sometimes scary dreams but he believed that they
guided him gave him warnings, now there was nothing, he was lost. And
yet he was home now.

The last jump had been completed today. They were in the Beta
Quadrant, one thousand one hundred and ninety seven light years from
Earth, at the edge of Klingon territory. They'd arrived at 1751,
Baytart at the helm and Tom still in engineering. It had felt so
awkward arriving back in known space with Pablo seated in front of
him. He'd come down to engineering as soon as he'd been able. While
most went to the holodeck or mess hall for the party, Chakotay came
here to his second home, at Tom's side. The area was pretty much off
limits to regular crew. The lights were dimmed since no one was really
here. Chakotay had walked past the biobed to the dark corner. "It
should have been you at the helm," was all he could say. Today it hurt
vastly to look at Tom but as soon as he left engineering he'd be
comfortably semi-normal again. So he stayed. He wanted to feel as
deeply and as strongly as he always had with Tom. And didn't Tom
deserve that someone should hurt over him? Wasn't he important enough
to warrant some heartache?

At some point Chakotay's legs had given up and he slid against the
wall down to the floor where he had stayed. The machines beeped
annoyingly, the warp core hummed mockingly, Tom lay silently and
Chakotay grew more and more used to the situation, his mind and heart
almost ready to close the book on this sad chapter. Still, everyday he
would come and sit and wait and hope; hope that one day the hurt would
feel like it did at the beginning because he could handle that. He
couldn't take normal. Normal was too little and too much.

"Depression."

She wasn't surprised.

"It's appeared as a mild imbalance in neurotransmitters. I've
prescribed an antidepressant but he refused to take it."

"He may have chosen seek spiritual healing instead."

The Doctor was tempted to roll his eyes but refrained. "Ah, yes. The
spirits." While he was more a believer in science he could not dismiss
all the evidence of the supernatural. 'More things in heaven and
earth. . . ' Hamlet had told his friend. Even hundreds of years later
Shakespeare was still accurate.

"Keep an eye on him but let him seek his own healing." She changed the
topic, slightly. "Anything new about Tom?" They'd all been asking the
same question for many months now –the last two months of their trip
through Alorem Space and the first eight months of the fourteen month
trip back to the Federation. In half a year they'd be home. They'd
already been in contact with Starfleet and received a batch of letters
from family and friends. Tom had received one too.

"I'm afraid not. Ensign Kim's last idea was no more successful than
the dozens before. I'm looking into a new procedure it's promising but
still only in the planning stages." The Alorem had not figured out
anything either. Their survivors of the Relor attack were in a similar
state to Tom's but many of them had died. Unlike them Tom had a human
half that could be kept alive almost indefinitely so long as they
could keep some of the Alorem energy inside him. The other Alorem were
not so lucky. Once their levels dropped below threshold they could not
be saved.

Osa had spent much time on Voyager with his son. At first he'd been
working on finding a cure with the other Alorem but as they ran out of
ideas and options he spent more time in normal space. He'd even come
with them for the first two months of their journey towards the
Federation, two months worth of travel he had to make up alone before
he could get back to a suitable passage to Alorem space (though the
trip would not take Osa anywhere near the time it took them). He'd
tried to save Tom the same way he had when Tom had first been sent to
their realm from the Relor attack but after an initial improvement
there was no change. Now they could only hope that the medical
professionals in the Federation could think of a novel solution.

Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay were once again in the Ready
Room. They'd been in contact with Starfleet command using a Klingon
relay network. They were still four months away but Janeway and
Chakotay had immediately begun looking into the status of the
Federation-Cardassian conflict and the Maquis. The information was not
as detail as they would have liked but they had expected it. Starfleet
would not send any information that they thought would cause problems
on Voyager.

They had discovered through Chakotay's personal correspondence that
the Maquis resistance had ended with most of the members either dead
or imprisoned. It was depressing news for much of the crew. B'Elanna
has sunk into a dangerous depression but with the help of Chakotay and
her friends she was improving. Chakotay also seemed to be doing a
little better. The news about the Maquis was a stumbling block on his
road to recovery but when he felt weak he turned to the spirits and
they had guided him. He still visited Tom daily but his lover's state
didn't seem to weigh on him as much as it had. Kathryn hoped this was
a good sign.

The rest of the news from Starfleet went something like this: a few
systems had joined, there was peace between the Federation and the
Klingons, the Cardassians had joined forces with the Breen and the
Dominion, the Dominion had been successfully subdued in the AQ. No
details were forthcoming but the war had only recently ended. The
current state of peace was in its infancy and just as fragile. There
seemed to be worry that Voyager's appearance with half a crew full of
wanted criminals and a Borg would ignite the powder keg, so to speak.
Even so they didn't seem to be planning to put the Maquis crew in
jail. They had been right after all, even if it was for the wrong
reason. The Maquis had never trusted the Cardassians, not with
maintaining the Demilitarized Zone and not with following the
guidelines for the truce set by the Federation and the Cardassian
Union. The rest of the quadrant had to learn the hard way what the
Cardassian Union was like, and that had led to war.

"Well so far so good," Kathryn sighed as she put down the PADD.

Chakotay nodded absently and continued reading. He wanted to make sure
this was air tight. They hadn't been able to negotiate the Maquis crew
remaining in Starfleet but they stated that "after the debriefings a
personnel review board will evaluate each former Maquis crewmember
individually" and from there determine who stays. The Federation
statute of limitations would take care of some of the charges against
them and the sympathy towards the Maquis will put Starfleet in bad
light if they were to prosecute aggressively. The Maquis had also been
smart group of people. To minimize potential charges were they ever
caught, they made sure that as little information as possible was
leaked and that evidence was destroyed if they were in danger. The
result was that they could only be prosecuted for minor crimes and if
they were lucky the sentences would be commuted to time served on
Voyager and probation.

Finally Chakotay put the PADD down. He rubbed tiredly at his eyes. He
thought reports on Voyager were long winded. These Starfleet guys were
experts at superfluous language. "Well as soon as we get there, we'll
know for sure." He flipped through a few other PADDs that lay next to
his cup of tea. "Have you seen anything on Neelix, Seven or Tom?"

She picked up a stray PADD. "They don't have any problem with Neelix.
His file was pretty cut and dry. I don't know what threat even the
most suspicious Admiral could accuse of a lone foreigner, half a
galaxy from his home."

"It's going to be lonely for him here –the only Talaxian, the only
being from the delta quadrant. It'll be quite a culture shock for
him."

"I don't know. I think we've sufficiently acclimatized him to weird
Alpha Quadrant tastes and customs." She smiled at her and he couldn't
help but return the grin.

"So, anything on Tom and Seven?"

"They're interested in meeting a person freed from the collective but
they haven't given any details." She picked up and discarded a few
more reports. "Nothing on Tom."

"They got his file right? They know about how he's changed."

"It was all there. I can't speculate as to why they haven't said
anything about him but there's no way they can put him back in
prison."

"Is his sentence over?" Strangely Chakotay never thought to ask Tom
how long he was sentenced for. In the beginning he just didn't care.
He figured that Admiral Paris would look out for his son.

"No. There's still six years minimum to go. They couldn't lay on too
many charges. They couldn't definitively prove he was working for the
Maquis but they gave him the max far all the other crimes."

Chakotay closed his eyes and wondered what would have happened to Tom
had he been in Auckland for ten years. It was already plain to see
(for those who chose to look) that his incarceration had affected him.
How much of it was and would have been his fault? Before, the
indifference had shielded him from the guilt but now, he was
vulnerable to all the pain he had helped cause.

"They won't do anything Chakotay. Tom won't be well enough to go to
prison even if he woke up tomorrow. I also doubt that Auckland would
be able to hold him. Given his Alorem abilities I don't think there's
anyway to imprison him if he doesn't want to be."

Chakotay nodded silently in agreement but that didn't negate the fact
that Tom still had a prison sentence hanging over his head.

Weeks had passed and in another set of letters from home they finally
received word about Tom's status. Starfleet was going to put Tom on
probation pending a full inquiry. They also sent some information from
Starfleet medical researchers who had been informed of Tom's
condition. They theorized that the energy of the warp core needed to
be modified just like a blood transfusion between species had to be
modified. They'd sent schematics of a device they thought would be
able to do the job but the Doctor and B'Elanna were sceptical. The
holodeck simulations were not highly promising and Chakotay,
next-of-kin or not, refused to have a procedure done that may endanger
Tom's life.

They had just reached the two month mark on the countdown to home when
Osa and Nie caught up with them for a visit.

"How is he?" Osa asked Chakotay. He was aware of how Tom felt about
this man and knew that the feelings were returned.

"Still the same." His voice was level.

"You're Federation has not been able to help?"

A sigh. "They tried but it's not enough."

"May I see their attempt?" Osa tolerated Chakotay's brief scrutiny
before the other man shrugged and went to a nearby console.

"The doctor's made some modifications to improve the device but it's
just too unstable to risk." He indicated the schematics on the screen.
Osa remained silent as he perused the data. Their own Alorem experts
had conceived a similar concept –an energy transplant –but there was
no universal donor, not in Alorem space anyway.

"Your warp core is compatible." It wasn't quite a question but
Chakotay felt he should clarify.

"It's similar. Tom had told a friend of his that he could feel the
warp core and that the energy resonated with him. His condition
improved a little when we relocated him to engineering."

Osa nodded to himself thinking rapidly. "This could work." He turned
to leave.

"Wait! What is it?" Chakotay asked.

Osa ignored him and detoured to Tom's side. He placed a pale hand on
Tom's shoulder and whispered something to him.

"Osa!"

Finally the taller man faced him. He placed his hands on Chakotay's
shoulders. "It could work. I need to speak with Nie but I'll return
swiftly." Before Chakotay could say anything the man was fading away.

Ensign Kim stood at the side, far enough away not to interfere but
close enough that he could see. He wanted to help but they said that
there was nothing he could do. The chief engineer was present to
monitor the core. The Captain was there because she was a scientist
and could help. Chakotay was there against the Captain's better
judgement –you wouldn't want a person's family member to watch as they
underwent brain surgery –but he would not be kept away. She had been
mildly surprised at his insistence. Lately he'd been very calm, very
collected, very commander-like. She had thought (half angrily) that he
was over Tom. He was coping almost too well.

The Doc was there for obvious reasons and then there was Nie and Osa.
They would be the one who did most of the work. It didn't seem
possible –to go into the warp core –but that was the plan. Yesterday
Kim had been helping B'Elanna place the Modifier on the port plasma
injector. It changed the plasma and then they had it shunted back into
the core. They allowed the process to continue until the core was
filled with 99.999 modified warp plasma.

Initially they'd intended to use a separate chamber but the plasma
lost its kinetic energy too rapidly once it was out of the core. Now
all they had to do was put Tom inside and make sure he didn't burn to
a crisp. That job went to Nie. Osa had volunteered but after what was
assumed to be an argument between the two masses of glowing energy,
Osa conceded.

The final preparations were complete. Now was the moment of truth. The
Doctor turned off the force-field that had kept him alive for these
many months. The medical devices were disconnected and Tom was still
and silent. Nie quickly scooped him up, his large frame having no
trouble with the extra weight. Just at the threshold of the warp core
Osa approached and touched Tom's face gently. He mumbled a prayer and
leaned over to touch his forehead to Tom's.

"We'll both be back," Nie promised. He stepped confidently forward and
into the swirling blue mass that could easily kill them but just might
save Tom.

Chakotay watched silently. He had double and triple checked everything
but it all came down to trust. He trusted Nie to keep Tom safe. He had
to because he had realized this chapter of his life was not ready to
end, not now, if ever. He could not go back to the way he was.
Contrary to what his friends and colleagues conjectured, he was not
coping, he was numb.

---

Everywhere on the ship the lights were low. With the warp core being
used to heal Lieutenant Paris the ship was at all-stop and only the
most necessary systems were running using the back power and fusion
generators. Voyager had been moved to a relatively safe location while
the procedure occurred. Tuvok was in command –his tactical knowledge
would be very useful should any hostiles come about. The ship's
defences were compromised without the warpcore online and he had
requested that Ensign Kim remain on the bridge but the Captain wanted
him in engineering in case something went wrong. They had restricted
Engineering to only the few necessary personnel.

There was no indication how long the procedure would take. It might be
days it might be instant. Noone could tell.

"Mommy, can we go to the holodeck?" young Naomi Wildman asked her
mother as she walked out of her room.

"We can't today, honey. They're trying to help Uncle Tommy."

"He's still sick?"

Ensign Wildman nodded and pulled her daughter to her lap. "But they're
trying to help him."

"Jenny said Tommy's Daddy was here? Is my Daddy here too?" she asked
innocently.

Samantha smiled thinly. "Not here, but we're really close. You just
have to wait a little longer." She'd sent a message to her husband
when they'd first been able. She'd included a picture of Naomi for him
to see. She was understandably sad when he sent a message back saying
he'd thought her dead and was set to marry someone else in a few
months. Still he had expressed genuine interest and excitement about
Naomi. He would love her –she didn't doubt that –but what made her
smile with tears is that he still loved her but had moved on.

"Mommy, does Tommy have a Daddy on Earth too?" She had overheard some
confusing conversations and looked to her mother for clarification.

"Um. . . yes, he does."

"Just like Sarah and that girl will be two Mommy's when their baby
comes?"

"Not quite but. . . .what makes you think they're going to have a
baby?"

"Sarah said. I heard in sickbay."

Sam had asked the Doctor to baby sit Naomi while she'd been busy a few
days ago. Looks like she'd have to give Naomi the "no eavesdropping"
lecture, but not now. For now they would sit quietly and hope that
their crewmate would be alright.

The blue sickbay gown vaporized as Nie stepped in with Tom in his
arms. There had been startled gasps but Tom and Nie appeared unharmed.
Soon they were inside the heart of the ship and could not be seen.
Swirls of energy overflowed the core but caused no damage. B'Elanna
watched the sensors carefully as the core temperature continued to
climb. It wasn't at a dangerous level, yet.

"Should it take this long?" Kathryn asked.

"It's only been twelve minutes, Captain," stated B'Elanna.

They continued to wait, some more patient than others. Chakotay stood
silently in his spot, one arm crossed over his chest and the hand of
his other resting against his bottom lip. He'd hoped that this would
be an in-and-out, simply procedure but as B'Elanna had announced just
a few minutes ago they were rapidly approaching the two hour mark. The
warp core temperature had stabilized at 97 of the normal absolute
temperature and there was no risk to the ship. Now they just needed to
know what was going on inside.

An alarm started to blaze. The energy output had dropped to only a
small fraction of normal yet the internal reactions continued. The
blue light faded to a dull grey and there was no sign of either Tom or
Nie. Chakotay went to a console and ran a quick scan. There was no
trace of his lover there was however a strange anomaly.

". . . The Passage. . . " Osa said softly.

Janeway wanted in. "The what?"

"It's a portal to a parallel realm of our space, a transition zone as
it were."

"Transition from what to what?"

"We're not entirely sure but as long as they don't stray to close they
should be fine."

"Should be?" Chakotay asked. There was something else that Osa was not
telling them.

"If they stray too close, they'll be taken too."

"Too close to what? Where will they be taken?" Chakotay was urgent but
Janeway had a more level head.

"Does Nie know enough to stay away from. . . it?"

"Yes." He hoped so.

Nie held Tom a little tighter but could not keep from being in awe of
their surroundings. It was indescribable. Chaotic but predictable.
Rapid but calm. Dark yet blinding. Tom seemed to stir a little, the
glow from his energy essence now stronger. "Come on child. It's time
to wake up." Although he could have stayed at that spot for a thousand
years and not grown tired of the view he knew that this place could be
dangerous too. Problem was he didn't know how to get back. He wasn't
sure how they got here. He'd looked down at Tom for a moment, he'd
felt something cold slide over them, then here they were. It seems
that warpcore was more than just an engine.

Nie cautiously scanned the area with his senses and determined no
other presence similar to his or Tom's. There were others here but
they were different, perhaps blind to his and Tom's presence. It would
be better to err on the side of caution and exit before anything
stirs. All he had to do was find a way out. "Don't worry Thomas. We'll
be home soon."

A rapid beeping filled the tense air and pulled B'Elanna's attention
back to her console. The sensors around the core were detecting a
sudden uncontrollable drop in the energy. The warp core was dark grey
and completely soundless.

"What happened?" Janeway asked.

B'Elanna shook her head as she called up more sensor scans. "The cores
out."

"Out?"

"Out. Dead. Cold. Most of the plasma has vanished and the rest of it
has cooled. The energy output is zero."

"Where are Tom and Nie?"

"Likely, stuck on the other side," Osa answered.

"How do they get back?"

"Without a portal, they can't. The warp core must be started again to
give them a method to exit."

"That will take at least twelve hours Captain," B'Elanna informed.
Twelve hours if she had all her engineering staff working on it.
They'd have to restart the core and they modify the plasma again,
which would take five additional hours.

"Get started." Janeway turned to Osa. "Is there anything else we can
do? Can we contact them?"

"We've never discovered a method to do so."

Chakotay interrupted. "You've been to this Passage before. There has
to be another method to get there."

"Yes but the portals which we've used previously appear intermittently
in various locations in Alorem space. And even then only those who
manage to find another portal make it out. We've lost many brothers
and sisters to the Passage."

"Why didn't you warn us of this?" Janeway asked. What else wasn't he
telling her?

"We didn't know it could happen here. There is no evidence that your
kind ever experience the Passage."

Janeway held her ire in check. This wasn't the time. "We'll need any
information you have about this 'Passage'." Osa nodded. "Chakotay,
you're in charge here. Keep me informed." She didn't think she'd be
able to drag him away and she wasn't going to try. She left
engineering in the capable hands of her officers and went to the
bridge.

"I am sorry. I didn't consider the Passage to be a threat to them."
Osa implored the smaller man to believe him.

Chakotay picked up a blank PADD and handed it to him. "I'll forgive
you when we get them back." He walked away with a stony face, hiding
the worry that otherwise consumed him. Osa watched him go until he
blended into the crowd of engineers that had been called to help. He
would do his part as well. Everything, absolutely everything, he knew
of the Passage and the portals to and from would be written in this
PADD. The council had told everyone who came in contact with the
Voyagers not to impart sensitive information but here he would make an
exception. This was not just some treaty or some goodwill mission.
This was the very existence of his son in jeopardy. The council be
damned! This was more important.

Eighteen hours later main engineering was quiet again. They'd
restarted the core, and modified the plasma. It had been a long and
taxing process but B'Elanna's crew had worked hard and well. When this
was over they all deserved a break. It may be a long time coming.
Although the conditions were set there was no way to duplicated all
the events that lead up to the creation of the anomaly. They could
only speculate as to how the presence of Tom and Nie had affected the
many major and minor reactions occurring within the swirling blue
mass. They had conservatively tried to mimic what had been recorded in
the scan but nothing other than the induced changes occurred. They
maintained the core temperature at 97, just as it had been and hoped.
A team of two would monitor that core at all times just in case
something occurred. So for the next who-knows-how-long they played the
waiting game.

Osa had been granted access to Tom's quarters. He didn't expect to
find anything that would help bring Tom back. He was merely looking
for something to bring him comfort. He looked at the artefacts Tom had
collected throughout his journey. Normally they would be meaningless
to the energy being but they meant something to Tom and thus to Osa as
well. He gently touched a model of some kind of antique flying
invention and read the caption on the base of the mount. "Circa 1993,
United States Navy F-14 Tomcat." He didn't understand the human
compulsion to take to the sky. There was no sky in Alorem space. He
didn't know how it was to watch bird and yearn for the same base
freedom gifted to them by a creator or by some fluke of evolution. He
didn't understand it, yet he had felt it. Through Tom and because of
Tom he had felt a range of new things. Tom's joy for something as
simple as being able to propel oneself through a medium by only
thought and instinct had surprised him. They all took if for granted
-his people- but for Tom everything was new and held in contrast to
his old limits, most of which had been shattered by Osa's decision to
make him one of the Alorem.

He walked towards Tom's sleeping area and on the way he stepped on
something. A PADD –innocuous enough, but hardly and ideal place for
it. He picked it up and after activating it, he read the title. It was
a novel written a long before Tom's time and he didn't quite
understand what relevance it would have to his son. The PADD was worn
though. The surface of the keys were smooth and shiny from use, the
edges and back of the PADD was scratched and compared to the one he'd
been using some time ago in engineering, this PADD looked to be of an
old model. He was about to place it on a small table next to the sofa
dismissing it from mind, but he didn't. Instead he sat down on the
cushions and thumbed the screen to shift to the next page. He would
sit there for hours reading the story, gaining insight into the human
struggle and insight into his son. After that he would choose to
willingly give up ever getting to know him, to save him.

Chakotay woke from a restless sleep in his quarters. The ships time
meant little to him. He'd been in engineering for several hours before
he felt the fatigue weighing his body down. He'd completed his monitor
of the core and headed to his quarters, to his lonely bed and was out
only moments after his head hit the pillow. Hours had ticked by lazily
until Chakotay had naturally roused from his slumber feeling little
better for it. A quick sonic shower was all he felt up to and small
meal of salad and bread. He sat for far longer than was usually
necessary and picked at and around the leaves and vegetables of his
food. Giving up on food for the time being he went to his medicine
bundle, packed neatly away on the top shelf of his closet. He sat in
his usual spot when he communed with the spirits, the middle of his
living area. Reverently he unfolded the old leather and carefully
removed the contents: a rock, a feather, his akoonah.

The objects were familiar in his hands and the motions and words of
this ritual came to him without effort. He touched his hands to the
pad of the akoonah and the blinking lights danced in their pattern. He
removed his hands from the small device and placed the flat rock with
the swirled pattern between his palms and held it tightly.

". . . though I am far from the bones of my people and the place of my
birth I hope that there is a spirit here among these stars that would
guide me. . . when I am now so lost. . . " his last words had been a
harsh whisper filling the otherwise empty room.

"Chakotay," a voice called him; a familiar and comforting voice.
"Chakotay." He pronounce the cadence of his name with perfection, he
should. He'd given the name to him.

"Father." He opened his eyes and found himself on the surface of an
unknown planet. The ground was barren but the earth beneath him
resounded with a force he'd only weakly felt before. This place,
whatever and wherever it was, was a guidepost. He looked up and found
not a sky of Earth-blue or Vulcan-red, but a sky with omni-coloured
current of something unknown to him painted over a dark background.

"Why are you here, Chakotay?" His father's voice called to him from
all around him. Turning on the spot he found the image of his father
standing only a few feet away. Just the man he remembered and missed
for so long.

"I don't know."

"Why are you here, Chakotay?" By the tone of Kolopak's voice he could
tell he wasn't supposed to be here but the spirits placed him here for
a reason; now he just had to figure out what that was.

"I seek guidance." The ground pulse beneath his feet nearly putting
him off balance. That's when he noticed, he had no shadow. He looked
at his father and the dark shadow that extended to his right. The
light from above passed through him but Kolopak was opaque. Now he was
sure he didn't belong here but he had been brought here.

"Why are you here?"

Chakotay swallowed his frustrations. This was often the nature of
spirit walks. They could not lead him down a path if he didn't
understand why he walked it. They asked him questions and he had to
find the right answer for himself.

"I'm lost."

"Which way do you want to go?"

"I want to go to my mate."

"Where is your mate?"

"I don't know."

Kolopak didn't respond at first, simply regarded him. Chakotay thought
he was supposed to say more but the older man spoke before him. "You
are both lost?"

Chakotay's response was slow in coming. Tom was somewhere. That he
believed, but he didn't know where. He wasn't sure if that qualified
Tom as lost but. . .

"Yes."

"You chose this one to walk with for the journey that is your life.
Where do you walk if you are lost?"

"I don't know, but when I find him we can guide each other."

"You are his guide post and he is yours."

"Yes," Chakotay responded feeling on the verge of the breakthrough.
"but I can't guide myself."

The earth beneath him pulsed and this time Chakotay did fall. "What is
this?"

"Nashowa."

He didn't recognize the word at first but slowly the knowledge awoke
from the recesses of his mind. "You're dead. Nashowa guides the dead."

"Yes. You are lost." Chakotay was becoming frustrated. Had they not
established that already? "Find your soul mate and find your way."

"I will," came the solemn answering. The world around Voyager's first
officer faded and in the last instance the voice of his father urged
him on saying:

". . . together you can guide each other. . . together you will never
be lost. . . "

Someplace he heard a voice. He'd been drifting for some time now. He
couldn't estimate his duration in this limbo. The thought of linear
time didn't even occur to him. He simply was and sometimes, when he
faded out, he wasn't. Still the nothingness persisted. Inklings of
feelings sometimes caressed his being but otherwise all he knew was
emptiness. He began fading out again. There was no surprise, no fear,
no nothing. It just happened and he expected it. He'd return to this
place again.

The nothingness was back again –the same, but different. Something had
changed. No, he had changed. He could see, hear, smell...nothing.
Ephemeral glimpses into memory punctuated his existence. He tried to
focus on them but he had no control over them. New yet familiar
sensations accompanied many of the images. Little information was
conveyed but from it all he learnt two things. He didn't belong here
and he didn't know where 'here' was. With this epiphany he began to
search but there was nothing to guide him. A vaguely familiar feeling
of dread crawled to his senses. He was hopelessly lost. . . hopelessly
alone. . .

Joe Carey was halfway through his shift monitoring the core with
Ensign Kim when Osa walked in. He watched, fascinated, as the being
approached the core. They looked strangely similar, the alien and the
warpcore. Osa stared at it contemplating something his puny mind
obviously would never be able to comprehend. He snorted earning a look
from Kim. Maybe he could understand though. A father had lost his
child. Joe had lost his children when he'd been thrown to the
quadrant. Still, they were not powerless. Every spark of imagination
or genius might have been the one to get this ship home. All efforts
were equalled in minutes reduced from their journey and at last it had
paid off. He was only a few figurative footsteps from home.

Joe watched Osa as he walked over to Harry, considering that perhaps
he did understand. He understood that no father would give up.

"You may want to check up on your Commander in a few minutes," Joe
overheard Osa say to Kim. "And tell Thomas. . . that I'll always be
with him, even when I can't be."

Kim watched in shock as Osa walked into the warpcore. The sensors
beeped and alarms rang as readings tipped off the scales. "What is he
doing?" Kim exclaimed.

Doing what any parent would, Joe answered silently.

His father and the planetary representation of Nashowa had just
vanished when Chakotay felt something calling to him. He followed the
strong presence.

Something new permeated the nothing. He turned to it following the
familiar and comforting presence.

Nie suddenly found his arms empty. Thomas was gone but not far. He was
drifting at a fair pace but directly to main stream, the most
dangerous part of the Passage. Nie was after him instantly. He tried
to stop him but Tom was still unresponsive. His energy was so low that
Nie knew he couldn't be awake but something was drawing him. The
blue-grey Alorem guided Tom around the bulk of the passage allowing
the younger being to continue in the general direction. Where was he
going?

Tom! That was his name! He recalled now. He felt someone pulling him
and he followed regardless of his shifting surroundings. Chakotay the
name came to him as the presence grew stronger.

He felt Osa briefly but his confusion at the other man's presence was
overrun by the excitement of feeling Tom near him. He searched harder,
followed faster and suddenly Tom was before him, his form half Alorem
and half human, all beautiful. He looked the same –eyes still closed,
face expressionless. Chakotay was just happy he'd found Tom. He took
Tom's face in his hand and touched his forehead to Tom's in relief.

Tom knew he'd arrived. He was where he was meant to be. The rest of
him flooded back to his body coalescing in his synapses and energy
nodes bring Tom back from his state of near death. There was no
spectacular display of dazzling lights, or colours, or sensations. His
eyes just opened. He saw the face and he felt touch of his love.

"Cha. . . " the syllable ghosted past his ears. He opened his eyes and
met sparkling blue. "I've missed you."

Nie was next to them and had to interrupt. "We have to go." Tom wasn't
fully aware yet but Chakotay managed to tear himself from Tom's eyes.

"How?"

"I'm not sure-"

Suddenly their whole plane of existence tilted violently. Nie reached
out to protect Tom and Chakotay but he passed right through Chakotay.
Nie didn't question it. He knew technically that Chakotay couldn't
really be there, so he held onto Tom protecting him for the suddenly
chaotic environment. Tom continued to touch Chakotay not worried about
the shift in their surroundings. Chakotay's eyes were fastened to his
and he knew that they would be okay.

All around them Osa manipulated the little understood parallel realm
and propelled his child and the two other's back to safety using the
strong spirit of the commander to guide them home. As they journeyed
the apparition of Chakotay faded. "I'll see you soon," he said with a
smile before he vanished completely leaving Tom, Nie and Osa to finish
the journey without him. He would guide them home. They weren't lost
anymore.

He felt himself fading from the normal realm and moving closer to the
parallel one as his strength diminished. He touched the face of his
child. "I love you." Tom must have heard him or felt the touch because
he turned, his face bright with happiness. It fell as he saw Osa
fading. He knew what it meant.

"No!" He struggled to get out of Nie's grasp but the older being held
fast. He too knew what was happening to Osa but there was nothing
either of them could do. Tom reached back for him and Osa could just
barely brush his fingertips before he faded. The last image he had of
his son was of pain and anguish but he knew that his sacrifice was
barely worth the gift he'd already been given.

"PAKA!"

Again, much of the plasma vanished. The rest cooled and the core was
dead, again. Torres growled in frustration and couldn't stop herself
from slamming a fist into a nearby console. Harry had called her when
the sensors had gone crazy after Osa had walked into the core and just
as she had arrived the core died. "Start the calibration and begin
modifying more plasma." They'd have to start over again.

"Wait!" It was Carey. "I'm still detecting a strong energy. It's like
the core. . . "

Torres was heading to look at his readings but another engineer called
out. "Lieutenant!" Recognizing the urgency in the voice Torres headed
there first, Harry right behind her.

"Kahless!"

The bright blue light faded quickly and the forms of Tom and Nie were
revealed. Tom collapsed to his knees as soon as the energy released
him. He didn't register that he was in main engineering. All he knew
was that his father was gone. Tears spilled silently down cheeks pale
from shock. Nie kneeled next to him and embraced him as he cried, sobs
muffled by the body now more matter than energy.

Harry was relieved that Tom was back but still worried about him.
Something had happened. Where was Osa? And Chakotay! Osa had told him
to check up on him. "Kim to Chakotay." There was no response. He
addressed B'Elanna. "Stay here I'm going to find the Commander." He
turned and almost ran straight into the broad chest of the first
officer. Chakotay easily sidestepped the startled Ensign and went
straight to Tom.

He stared for many long moments. He could barely believe it was real.
Tom was back. Tom was home.

Tom chose that moment to look up. He wiped his eyes. "Cha. . . " he
said his voice breaking. He threw himself into the arms of his lover
revelling in the feel of the strong arms around him. He was so happy
to see him but the loss of his 'Paka' prevented his eyes from drying.
Chakotay just held him as he'd longed to do for too many months.

Captain Janeway spoke to Nie while the Doctor looked Tom over,
Chakotay standing nearby. Nie explained as best he could what had
happened, including the unfortunate loss for Osa.

"He must have known the risk he was taking."

"I'm sure he did," Nie responded, his hollow voice tired. "Creating a
conduit for us to return through would have exhausted him completely."

"How did he find a way back?" Janeway asked knowing that Nie had been
lost prior to Osa's interference.

"Chakotay. Osa used him as a guidepost. He energy was unusually
strong. It saved us. We followed it here."

Janeway turned to watch her first officer. He had hidden depths; his
ferocity and soothing calm only small parts of what is a great man. He
stood near Tom, his emotions mostly hidden but his affection for Tom
as bright as a nova. She hoped that together Tom and Chakotay could
both heal. She had no doubts about the two of them, not when they were
together.

Tom sat watching the stars pass by. Absently he ran he touched the
fingers of his right hand, almost reliving the moment when Osa was
lost to him. It had been a few days and he felt a little better but
still depressed. Chakotay was a huge help once he let the other man
close enough to share in his pain. He had been reluctant to since he
had caused Chakotay so much pain already. Fourteen months he'd been
near dead and all that time Chakotay had never given up on him. Tom
stilled. He wasn't worthy of such a dedication, such love, but he
couldn't let him go. He was glad that Chakotay had been able to
continue with is life. After hearing how long he'd been out for he
worried that Chakotay may have found someone else. He didn't begrudge
him his happiness but it would have been very, very difficult to let
him go. He'd been pleasantly surprised to find Chakotay still next to
him. If Tom had remained in his near-dead state he hoped that Chakotay
would move on before another opportunity at happiness passed him by.

He glanced back at the stars –stars of the Alpha quadrant. They didn't
look any different than the ones in the Delta he decided. They were
just under two months from Earth. He wasn't looking forward to it. He
never really had been. He dreaded meeting his father again but in
light of everything that had happened recently, the Admiral's opinion
of him was not high on his list of worries, nor was prison. He wasn't
going back there. The whole parole board could kiss his white ass. He
had somewhere else he'd rather be. Just then the door to the quarters
slid open.

"Hey babe," Chakotay greeted with a smile. Tom could see the relief in
his eyes at seeing him awake and well. Some part of the big man was
still worried that Tom would vanish. Tom would gladly use the rest of
his life to allay the fears and never consider a moment of it a waste.

He stood and they embraced. Lips touching and arms wrapped around one
another. This was where he belonged. In these arms he'd found home.
And home is where he'd rather be.

---

They'd arrived. The fanfare was still in full swing even days
later. News broadcasts were fraught with Voyager tidbits of every
kind. The crew manifest had been released officially and the reporters
were busy pulling up all available information on the crew but mostly
on the Captain and the senior staff. Starfleet had yet to release any
details as they were still undergoing debriefings. It had leaked
though, that the chief helmsman had some sort of incident with an
alien species very recently and there was wild speculation from all.

Thankfully today was the last day of debriefings. The commanding
officers were left for last and after hours of gruelling interviews
and questions they were free to go. Tom had been informed that his
sentence had been shortened and commuted to time served on Voyager so
he was free. He met the news with a stoic face and a slight shrug. The
panel of officers had looked at each other and then dismissed him.

That had been hours ago. Currently Tom and Chakotay waited in a small
meeting room for Admiral Paris and his sister's to appear. They had
met Chakotay's family earlier that day when the crew as a whole had
triumphantly stepped out of quarantine into the public eye and into
the loving embraces of many loved ones. Tom had only been greeted by
nosy reporters who'd managed to get in but Chakotay had seen his
mother and one of his brothers. He'd been overjoyed at seeing them
both alive and well and they had spoken animatedly for many minutes
giving into the urge to hug every so often. Eventually remembering his
lover Chakotay introduced a nervous Tom to the assembled members of
his family. Tom couldn't recall exactly what was said, his nerves
getting the better or him, but it had gone well. Chakotay's older
brother had given him the once over and then glanced at Chakotay
before pulling Tom into a hug. His brother was a handsome man too.
Strong build, similar features, tanned skin and the sweeping tattoo
over the left brow –no dimples though. Chakotay's mother was an aged
woman but her own beauty was visible in the lined faced, bright smile
and sharp eyes. They seemed to accept him and Tom was more than a
little relieved.

Now it was Chakotay's turn to meet the family. Tom didn't seem nearly
as nervous as he was when he met Nayib and Chakotay's mother. As they
waited they spoke softly to each other, Tom leaning on the table and
Chakotay in front of him. The door at the other end of the room opened
and three people stepped in. Tom had his back to the door but he saw
the smile on Chakotay's face fade. Taking a deep breath Tom turned and
faced his family.

They looked each other over. Tom couldn't help thinking that they
looked old. His father had lost more hair and it was now completely
white. There were more lines around his face and they didn't look like
they were from smiles. His sister's were still 'not ugly' (the best
compliment a brother could give to a sister) but they too had more
lines. They were several years older than he was but he could not
mistake the sparkle their eyes had always held –although currently
their eyes were wide with surprise.

"Tom?" Kathleen the younger of his two sisters asked?

"Who else would I be?" The response was so Tom that they knew it had
to be him.

"You look different," this from Moira.

Thought of Osa sprang to his mind. The hurt had faded since his death
but it was still strong. A brief smile was all he could manage. "I'll
tell you about it later." He slowly drew his eyes to his father, the
man he'd managed to disappoint at every turn. He didn't know what to
say. ". . . Admiral."

A sad smile twisted the old face and he stepped forward. He pulled his
son into a hug. The appropriate words had vanished from his mind the
moment he'd stepped through the doors. All he wanted to do was get
back what he'd finally realized he'd lost. Tom pulled away a slight
smile on his face. He cleared his throat suddenly feeling choked and
turned to Chakotay. "This is Chakotay, my fiancé." Admiral Paris shook
his hand while extending his congratulations to both of them. Chakotay
had only proposed last night during their quiet evening together. Well
technically Tom proposed since Chakotay had been too nervous to get
the words to come out in the correct order so Tom had proposed to
Chakotay instead.

Chakotay shook the older Paris's hand and tried to gauge what the man
was really feeling but poker face was impenetrable. He accepted the
chaste hugs Tom's sisters gave him and conversation was polite but
strained for a few more minutes. Eventually they parted way.

Tom was silent most of the way back to their housing unit. "They were
nice," Chakotay said. Tom smirked.

"No, your family was nice, mine was. . . formal. It's always been that
way." There was a wistful note in his voice but he recognized that
things weren't going to change that much. Maybe he and his father
would be able to get along but he wasn't sure. Tom had changed over
the years as had his father but only time would tell if it was enough.

Chakotay wrapped an arm around Tom's waist and leaned in to kiss his
neck. It brought a smile to the blonde man's face just as it was
intended to. "Don't worry about it. We've got all the time in the
world to make things right. There's no rush."

"I guess." They walked for while more thinking about home until
Chakotay interrupted.

"My mom and brother liked you." Tom gave a non-committal 'hmm'. "And I
think I can win over your sisters with my charm." Tom laughed
outright. "What? I won you over didn't I?"

Tom continued to smile. "I guess."

"Exactly!" Tom shook his head ruefully. "So when do you want to head
to Dorvan and meet everyone else?"

"Everyone else?" Tom stopped walking as his nerves returned with a
vengeance.

"Yeah. My other brother, my two sisters, and wives or husbands,
nieces, nephews. . . "

Tom was more than a little overwhelmed. "Uh. . . can't your mom and
Nayib just pass along to them what a great guy I am?" Tom asked,
half-joking.

Chakotay gave his nervous fiancé a quick hug and made a suggestion.
"How about we order in, and we can discuss what to do next?" They
still had a lot to discuss. Where to live? When and where to marry?
Whether to stay in Starfleet or not? Yes, plenty to discuss but they'd
made it. They weren't in a hurry anymore.

---
Generations later. . .
--

He'd been around for a while now. They didn't call him child anymore
(at least not to his face). He was a more experienced Alorem
contributing to his adoptive people and family. Juma and Nie had been
like an aunt and uncle to him since he had arrived so long ago. Though
he'd been an adult human he was a very young Alorem and needed to be
guided and taught just as though he was an infant and occasionally
even now he needed their guidance.

It had been a long time since he'd gone to Earth, Dorvan or anywhere
in Federation Space which had expanded greatly over the years. He and
Chakotay had adopted children, orphans of the war. They had wanted a
child that biologically was theirs too but the Alorem council forbade
it. Their fears were grounded. They had worried, when Osa had made Tom
an Alorem, that the power he received would corrupt him somehow. So
far that had not happened but it would be a risk to create another
hybrid.

So they'd adopted and if there was any difference between loving an
adopted a child and one that carried their genetic material, they'd
never felt it. Three great children had grown up under their care and
eventually started their own families. Chakotay and Tom had lived well
on Dorvan with each other but it had ended far too soon.

As time went on Chakotay, just like all humans, had aged. Tom however
had not (it was always tricky trying to explain it to other people).
They'd received some looks in the latter years. Others could not
understand what such an elderly man was doing with such an young one.
Tom hadn't cared, neither had Chakotay.

Eventually though, Chakotay's body, weak with age, failed. He'd died
peacefully in his sleep his husband next to him. Tom had felt it
coming and had stayed awake that night not wanting to miss the last
moments. He'd talked softly to his love telling him everything in his
heart until the man he would continue to love breathing stopped. He'd
cried for seemingly endless hours until he raised himself to the
comm-unit and informed his children. The youngest who lived on Dorvan
as well, was the first to arrive only minutes after being told. She
found her Daddy sitting on the floor next to where her Papa lay in the
bed, tear stains on a pale face.  The other children and family
members came to Dorvan. The funeral ceremony was held and eventually
they parted again. Tom stayed around Dorvan for many years after his
husband's death. He never took another lover, though he'd received
offers. There was only one person he wanted and he was gone.  The day
finally came when Tom knew he had to go. He went to see each of his
children and their grandchildren. He said goodbye although he could
tell from the confusion in their eyes they didn't understand where he
was going. He didn't explain. His children were getting more lines
around their eyes and were slowing down. It would not be long before
their funerals were being held and he knew he could not handle that.
He said goodbye to each and then left Dorvan, left the quadrant, left
this space. Since then he had visited his grand- and
great-grandchildren on a few occasions but he didn't approach them or
anyone else. He viewed them from afar, their happiness to bring him
joy.

He missed them; his children, his grandchildren, his friends, his
husband. Some days he wished he wasn't Alorem so that he could be with
them sooner. Such it was one day when a there was a disturbance in
Alorem space. The area was off limits until the anomaly vanished.
They'd experienced these before and so long as no one went to close
they were safe.

Tom had to be there. Someone was calling to him. He could not disobey.
He went straight towards the anomaly. The barricades and security
could not stop him and the others watched in horror as he vanished.

"I've met him; your other father." The tone was happy and teasing. "I
thanked him for saving you, for giving me another chance. . . "

". . . You've made me so proud. . . and given me more than my life was
ever destined for. . . my child."

"I'm waiting for you. We all are. We can wait an eternity. . . .no
rush, okay?" That smile, that touch. He'd longed for it so badly and
now. . .

Suddenly he was back in Alorem space. The anomaly was closing. He was
dazed and disoriented.

He'd seen them, felt them -his family. All who had passed. Chakotay.
He'd been with him, felt the sensation of soft lips on his and then a
sudden force against his chest. That jerk pushed him! Pushed him right
back through the portal and into Alorem space.

He stared silently. The portal was closed. He was cut off from them.

Other beings gathered around him, worried and awed that he had
returned. They expressed how glad they were that he was home. Tom
didn't correct them.

A moment before, in those arms, yes he'd been home. Now, he was just
back. Two halves of a whole that today weren't fitting together as
well as they used to. Tomorrow would be better and sometime far down
the line he'd be with them again. It was a long time away but. . . no
rush.

---

The End