The BLTS Archive- Fallen
by Reanne Moreau (reannem1@att.net)

---

Warning - there will be even more sequels.  I want to show how the
rest of the crew reacts to this couple and what some of them are
getting up to while our heroes are busy.  I'm not sure why, but
Kathryn is turning out to be a little more 'damaged' than usual in
this series.  Maybe it's the influence of the 'void' episode.

Star Trek Voyager and all the characters are the property of
Paramount.  No copyright infringement is intended.  Please feel free
to archive this anywhere, including Jupiter Station and the BLTS.

---

//My fallen angel.  He certainly fit that description this morning.
The joy on his face when I kissed him was pure innocence.  Then he
nearly ravished me in the pine needles.  'Good morning, Captain,' my
foot.  I ought to ..  Another minute and I would have given myself to
him. If Carver, Ayala and Chel hadn't called to us from the top of the
ridge ...

I wonder if he knows I'm his for the taking.  That I knew months ago
that I loved him.  That watching him with B'Elanna nearly tore my
heart out.  I knew they would hurt each other.  It was almost
unbearable watching her shut him out at every turn.  I've never met
anyone as desperately in need of warmth and intimacy as Tom Paris.  I
can give that to him if I can stop shaking in my boots. That he might
actually return my feelings never really occurred to me - and it
scares me silly.

Mark was someone to come home to.  Safe, comfortable.  Tom will be by
my side, sharing this voyage with me, challenging me, showing me
perspectives I never even imagined.  I could get lost in him and I
don't like being out of control. And he could hurt me more deeply than
anyone ever has. Strange, in a way being with Tom scares me, but I
have never felt as safe as I did curled up in his arms last night.
Everything about the man is a contradiction.

It's funny; I was content to be alone for so long.  Then when I was
finally ready to be with someone, there was no question who I wanted.
Oh, I was attracted to Chakotay, even thought about giving in to him a
couple times. Thank goodness I had more sense than that.  Has the man
ever had a lover in the Delta Quadrant who wasn't involved in some
diabolical plot?  If he wants me it has to be a bad idea; he has
terrible taste in women.  Thank goodness I had sense enough to fall in
love with Tom Paris.  Now, do I have the guts to do something about
it?//

Kathryn's disjointed musings were interrupted by the door buzzer.  She
distractedly called for the visitor to enter.

Tom let his eyes adjust to the low light.  The room was illuminated
mostly by starlight flooding in through the big slanting windows.  She
was silhouetted against the riot of stars, arms crossed, drawn in on
herself.  As he moved closer he saw that she was wearing a peach satin
robe, hair tied loosely with a matching ribbon.

"Kathryn, we need to talk about what happened."

"I know."  She turned back to face the window, arms still folded
protectively around herself.  It had been so easy this morning, so
natural to touch him, hold him.  Now her mind was flooded with all the
reasons why it shouldn't happen.  She had managed to avoid him all
day, giving herself time to think.  It hadn't helped.  Neither had a
long soak in the tub.

Tom's hands were on her shoulders.  His voice was low and intense.
"Please tell me that what happened this morning meant something to
you.  We both know what would've happened if we hadn't been
interrupted.  I need to know that you *felt* something for me."

Kathryn heard the quiet desperation in his voice.  She turned from
their ghostly reflection in the window to look up at him.  That
beautiful face was completely unguarded, fear chasing a dying flicker
of hope behind sapphire eyes.  She couldn't help reaching out to
caress his cheek.

Tom was startled to see a glimmer of tears in Kathryn's eyes.  He'd
never seen her cry before. Taking her hand, he pressed a kiss into the
palm.  Her skin was still moist and warm from the bath. She smelled
like lilacs.  "Tell me what's wrong."

She sighed, leaning her forehead on his shoulder, feeling warm arms
wrapped around her body and slipping her own around Tom.  "I don't
know if I can do this again."

"Do what, Kat?"

She answered him indirectly.  "Justin was the first man I ever loved.
We were going to conquer the universe together."  There was laughter
and sorrow in her voice.  "Then I watched him die.  I let myself fall
in love again, with Mark, and without any warning, he was gone.  If I
allow myself to care for you ..."

"What are we supposed to do, Kathryn?  Spend the next 40 years alone,
pretending that we don't mean anything to each other?"  He sounded
bitter.

"No."  She stepped away slightly and gazed at him with haunted eyes.
"I can't stand to be alone any more.  Or to be without you."

Tom swept her up in his arms, holding her so tightly she could barely
breathe. Kathryn melted into him.  It felt so good for once to lean on
someone else's strength, to be held when she was afraid.  She blindly
sought Tom's lips, savoring their silky warmth.  She brushed them
lightly with sweet, tender kisses.  Tom's hands molded her body to his
as their kiss deepened, tongues flickering and dancing together
playfully.  Kathryn reveled in the heat that radiated through her
body.

Tenderly, Tom kissed his way along her jawline.  Her skin tasted as
sweet as he'd imagined.  He whispered in her ear.  "I promise I'll
never go so far away I can't come back to you."

Kathryn sighed and moved even closer, if that was possible.  There was
no way he could control whatever the universe might have in store for
them, but that he wanted to make that promise meant everything.  It
took a few moments for her to realize that she was standing there
grinning like an idiot.

"I intend to hold you to that, Lieutenant.  In fact, I intend to hold
you at every opportunity."  She took his hand and led him to the
couch, not protesting at all when he pulled her into his lap.

Despite the smile on his face, she could see that Paris was still
looking at her a little anxiously, as if he wasn't entirely sure she
wouldn't change her mind again.  She leaned her forehead against his,
the comfort of his presence already dispelling her fears.  "I'm sorry,
Tom.  Even captains have insecurities; suddenly getting everything you
want can be a little intimidating.  I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's alright."  He leaned in for a kiss.  "I know a thing or two
about being scared.  And about thinking you don't deserve to be
happy."  Tom wondered if her anxiety had something to do with the
guilt she'd expressed when they had been stuck in the void.

He cupped her face with his hand, positively glowing when she nuzzled
the palm, making a thorough job of kissing each finger.  She so
obviously loved to touch and be touched.  His other hand freed the
glossy auburn hair from its ribbon, combing slowly through the
strands.  They lost track of time learning the touch, taste and scent
of each other.  Lips and hands gently mapped the new territory to the
accompaniment of sighs and soft moans.

They drew back slightly when the heat threatened to overwhelm them.
Tom was stretched out on the couch, Kathryn draped languidly over his
torso.  She had somehow lost the peach satin robe. Fortunately for his
sanity, there was a nightgown underneath.  His shirt was unbuttoned
most of the way down and he could still feel the heat of her hands on
his skin.  He took a deep breath and laughed shakily.

"Damn, how am I supposed to keep my hands off of you on the bridge?"
Kathryn favored him with a smug half smile.  Before she could say
anything, Tom put his hand over her mouth.  "And don't do that."  He
removed the hand to kiss each corner of her mouth.  "Do you know how
hard it is not to kiss that funny, lopsided smile off your face?"

Kathryn propped herself up on one elbow and pushed back the hair that
was flying wildly around her face.  Her eyes were dancing with
mischief.  "I could always call you into the ready room for a
'conference' every now and then.  The couch is very comfortable."

"And the rug looks awfully soft."

"Nice big desk."

"Captain, you have a delightfully dirty imagination."

"You inspire me."  She quickly found herself entangled with a very
inspired pilot, drowning in the heat of his body covering her, the
increasingly hungry open-mouthed kisses.

With a groan, Tom pulled himself away and sat at the end of the couch
breathing deeply.  "If we don't stop this now ..."

Kathryn nodded, not sure if her voice would work.  She was shaken by
the intensity of her response to his touch.  She wanted him - on the
couch, the floor, her bed, every room on the ship.  But making love to
Tom meant making a commitment to him, and neither of them was ready
for that yet.

Tom, his shirt rebuttoned, had crossed to the replicator and was
ordering a bottle of wine.  Kathryn slipped back into her robe and got
her hair more or less under control.  Maybe wearing it long again had
been a bad idea.  She had the feeling Tom was going to develop a habit
of mussing it up. Curling up at one end of the couch, she accepted the
proffered glass of wine.  Paris sat on the floor beneath her perch.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, Kathryn's fingers
gently stroking his dark blond hair.

"I knew your hair would be soft."

"What there is of it."  He flashed her a wry grin and leaned his head
against her leg, thoroughly enjoying the petting.

"You'd be beautiful bald."  She outlined the dips in his hairline with
one finger.  "You'd be beautiful no matter what you looked like."

Tom's smile could have lit up a black hole.  He captured her hand and
laced their fingers together. "If someone had told me four years ago
that one day I would be sitting in the delta quadrant while my
beautiful captain spouted sentimental nonsense at me, I would never
have believed it."

It still seemed too good to be true.  A shadow crossed his face.
"You're sure about this, Kat?"

The uncertainty in his voice nearly broke her heart.  It was a good
thing they hadn't made love. There were still too many things to work
through.  She pulled him up to sit beside her, never letting go of his
hand.  "I've been sure about my feelings for you for a long time."

She had one of the most expressive faces he had ever seen, and when
she wasn't being the captain it showed everything she felt.  The
sincerity in those lovely gray eyes convinced Tom.  "How long have you
known?"

Kathryn looked rather embarrassed.  Admitting she'd been mooning over
her helm officer for the last several months wasn't the easiest thing
to do.  She snuggled into the crook of Tom's arm, looking up at him
through lowered lashes. "I'm not sure exactly.  I can't really
remember a time when I didn't feel something for you.  When those
feelings became more than friendship and gratitude, I'm not sure."

Tom gave her a surprised look and Kathryn raised his hand to her lips
for a kiss.  "How could I not be grateful?  My ship, my life,
everything I have would have been lost if not for you."  She laughed.
"Although you do play havoc with my sanity sometimes.  But no matter
what differences we had about my command decisions, I always knew you
would be there if I needed your friendship."

She paused and cleared the lump from her throat, kicking herself
mentally for giving in to sentiment. "I think I'd been hiding it from
myself for quite a while.  When I got the letter from Mark and
realized it was time to move on, I couldn't hide any more.  But by
then you were with B'Elanna." The last words were spoken in a hushed,
strained voice.

Tom clasped her tightly to his chest.  "Why didn't you say anything
after we broke up?"

"I couldn't.  You know what I think of a commanding officer who makes
advances to a crew member.  Besides, I never imagined you could be
interested in me." There was that lopsided smile again.  "Why settle
for a scrawny, grumpy captain when you could have the pick of the
crew?"

Still holding on tightly, Tom pulled her across his lap and kissed her
soundly to be sure he had her attention.  "If I didn't like grumpy
women, I wouldn't keep falling for them.  And as for scrawny ..."
Another kiss, longer, sensual, hungry.  "I think you'd better take
another look in the mirror."

Kathryn shook her head in bemusement and nuzzled his ear before
whispering into it.

"Your turn."

"What?"

"I spilled my guts.  Now I want to know when you realized you wanted
me.  You don't pounce on your commanding officer because of one kiss."

"I didn't pounce.  I ..."  She was giving him that *look.* The one
that froze grown Borg in their tracks.  "Oh, all right.  If you must
know, I figured it out with a little help from B'Elanna."  He had the
satisfaction of seeing Kathryn Janeway rendered totally speechless.

After a moment she shut her eyes in resignation and slumped against
his shoulder.  "You'd better explain that one."

Tom smirked.  Teasing Kathryn had always been one of his favorite
hobbies. "One of our last fights was over some silly argument I'd had
with the Doc.  I didn't see any reason to tell her about it and
talking with you helped resolve the thing in my own mind.  She pointed
out that whenever I needed to talk about something, if I had a problem
or some crazy new scheme, I came to you.  I only came to her when I
wanted to ... um..."  Tom stopped, his face and ears closely
approximating the color of his uniform.

Kathryn bit her cheek to keep from bursting into laughter.  She could
hear the conversation in her head.  Of course it wouldn't have
occurred to B'Elanna that her own complete inability to communicate
was a problem.

Tom cleared his throat and continued.  "That fight kind of stuck in my
head. After I got over being miserable about our break-up I started
thinking about how important you'd become to me."  He just held her
quietly for a moment.  "You'd been taking over my heart a little bit
at a time until the whole thing belonged to you.  The more time we
spent together the more I wanted.  But I was afraid that if I told you
how I felt, you would be uncomfortable and start avoiding me."

They were both silent for a while, realizing how close they had come
to never finding each other. The room seemed to have grown colder with
that realization, and Kathryn sought the reassuring warmth of Tom's
lips.  Finally, she sighed contentedly and laid her head on his
shoulder.

"You know this won't be easy.  There will be times when I have to send
you into danger.  I may even have to reprimand you occasionally.  And
I can't promise not to have another attack of nerves; I'm a little out
of practice at this relationship thing."

"I know.  We'll find a way to handle it."  He tilted her chin up and
gazed into her eyes with calm confidence.

Kathryn smiled mischievously.  "You know you'll be in for a lot of
teasing. You're already considered the captain's pet."

"Yeah, but now I get to pet the captain."

---

Harry Kim answered the door in his pajamas, looking tired and a little
grouchy. He'd been reading and was just about to turn in for the
night.  The man who sailed into his quarters was disgustingly wide
awake.

"Harry, my friend, you are looking at the happiest man in the galaxy."
Tom plopped into a chair and sat there beaming.

Ensign Kim sighed resignedly.  There was no shutting his friend up
when he was in one of these moods.  He'd been like this when they had
been working on the Delta Flyer, full of tireless energy and
enthusiasm at all hours of the night.  Harry surrendered to the
inevitable. "What is it this time, and how much trouble will it get
you in?"  There was a laugh hidden under the growl.

Tom seemed not to have heard.  "She kissed me, Harry.  Kathryn kissed
me."

Aha!  A girl.  It was about time.  Harry had begun to worry that Tom
had been seriously damaged by his failed affair with B'Elanna.  He
began running through the names of all the females on the ship.  There
was a Kit in Security, but the only Kathryn he knew of was ... His
eyes widened in disbelief.  "The *captain*?  Tom, have you been
drinking?"

He listened, shocked, as Paris told him what happened down on the
planet, leaving out the serious groping session that had followed
their first kiss. When he had summarized this evening's conversation
with Kathryn, Tom sat back and looked at him expectantly.

Only one response came to Harry's mind.  "Chakotay's going to kill
you."

Tom snorted.  "Oh, come on, Harry.  She's been ignoring him for four
years; I think he's got the message by now."  He turned suddenly
serious.  "I don't want to hurt Chakotay.  As hard as it is to admit,
I actually like the guy.  But Kathryn and I have a chance at something
really good.  I won't throw that away."

"So why are you here telling me about it?  I would have thought you'd
still be with the captain."  Just saying it out loud sounded weird.

Lt. Paris had suddenly found something very interesting about the toe
of his left shoe.  "Things were getting a little ... um ... intense
and she kicked me out before we got into too much trouble."  He looked
aggrieved.  "That woman's lips ought to be registered as deadly
weapons."

Harry couldn't help laughing.  This was a side of Tom he hadn't seen
before - swept off his feet and enjoying every minute of it.  "You
won't get any sympathy out of me.  You never even told me you were
interested in her."

"There didn't seem to be any point - I mean, the captain and the
convict?  It's still hard to believe. I've never felt like this about
anyone.  I'll tell you one thing, Harry, I'm going to get it right
this time. B'Elanna and I jumped into bed before we even knew how we
felt about each other.  Kathryn and I are going to take our time and
make sure we've got something going for us besides hormones."

"Are you sure the captain is going to go along with that?"  Harry
really couldn't bring himself to call her Kathryn.  "From what you've
said, it sounds like she knows exactly how she feels about you."

A sad smile lurked at the corners of Tom's lips.  "Oh, I know she
cares about me.  But she's still a little skittish.  Kathryn's been
hurt a lot, Harry.  And I think she feels a little guilty about being
happy when so many of the crew are still mourning the people they left
behind.  It might take a little while before she convinces herself
that it's alright to be in love with me."

Harry was amazed.  He'd never heard Tom talk about any of his lovers
with such depth of feeling, not even B'Elanna.  He looked up at Paris.
"Tom, how do think B'Elanna is going to take this?  I mean, she and
the captain are pretty good friends.  Things could get a little
awkward."

"You're telling me.  If they start comparing notes I'm in big
trouble."  He was back to his usual smart-ass self.  He was too happy
tonight to be serious for very long.  A huge grin lit up his face.
"Hey, what if we get B'Elanna and Chakotay together?  I know she had a
thing for him in the Maquis and it might keep Chakotay from sticking
my head out an airlock."

His suggestion was met with very little enthusiasm.  Harry shrugged
and looked everywhere but at Tom.  "I don't know if that's such a good
idea.  B'Elanna probably wouldn't react very well to being set up with
somebody."

Tom's instincts were instantly on the alert.  "Or maybe you're the one
who wouldn't like it.  You have been spending an awful lot of time
with her lately. Have you changed your mind about 7?"

Ensign Kim slumped in his chair and closed his eyes.  "I don't know
any more. I still have feelings for 7, but she barely notices I
exist."  He blushed. "You know I've had a crush on B'Elanna since the
first time she growled at me."

"Yeah, but you never *did* anything about it.  If I thought you were
seriously interested in her I never would have put the moves on her
myself.  Are you finally ready to do something about it?"

Harry groaned in frustration.  "I don't *know* - and I'm not going to
figure it out tonight."  He glared balefully at his friend and dragged
him in the direction of the door.  "I was having a perfectly good
evening until you came along and started talking about making out with
the captain.  Which, by the way, I still think is weird."

Tom clapped him on the shoulder on the way out.  "Like the lady said,
Harry, weird is part of the job."

---

The End