The BLTS Archive - Dreamcatcher by Qzeebrella (qzeebrella@gmail.com) --- Date completed: August 6, 2007 Archive: sure, to any archive associated with this list Warnings: some disturbing images in part two Beta: jenniferlupin Spoilers: none Disclaimer: The show and its characters belong to Paramount. No profit is being made from this story and no infringement is intended. Author's notes: Chakotay's mother tells him the traditional story about dreamcatchers in the first part, and how they work. What Chakotay comes to believe about them is just part of his own beliefs and that does not reflect the way they are supposed to work. --- Dreams are fragile things That you must chase with care Wispy, intangible things That seemingly disappear The moment you reach for them --- Chakotay had just turned five earlier that day and was feeling very grown up for he was now mama's big boy. His heart was full of love for her as he watched her hang a dreamcatcher above his bed with great care, one that the Ojibwa medicine woman nearby had made for him. Everything his mother did, she did with great care and attention to detail, as if her every action had great importance. His mother conducted herself with a purposeful grace and was greatly admired for it, winning respect for herself and her family for all that she did. Chakotay knew this made his mother special and made him wish that he could be like her when he grew up. He watched as she finished hanging the dreamcatcher and allowed himself to drink in the beauty of her smile. "The asabikeshiinh, or dreamcatcher is a web that catches all the dreams passing by, allowing only the good dreams, the ones you want to have, to pass through the centre hole to you, the dreamer. With the first rays of light, the bad dreams, the ones you do not want, will perish. The first dreamcatcher was given to the Ojibway by Asibikaashi, the Spider Woman who helped bring the sun back to her people through it. In honour of their origin, the number of points where the web is connected to the hoop is eight, for the legs of Spider Woman. I hope yours will remind you that the little spider women are to be respected as the daughters of the one who found a way to protect the dreams of us all." "I'll remember, mother." Chakotay promised. "May the dreams this dreamcatcher ensnares for you nourish your mind, just as the insects caught by a spider's web nourish it." "Thank you, mother." Chakotay smiled and his mother ruffled his hair, letting him know he was beloved. --- That night Chakotay dreamed of going on an incredible journey, one that took him to far off, unknown stars, where there were many dangers and extraordinary adventures. Yet nothing was quite like it seemed, for though he was incredibly far away from Dorvan, he was home. Though he followed a white chieftess with honour, his true allegiance was to his people; he was still their leader, the man they called Chief. Though a beautiful woman was at his side, one who pretended to be completely trustworthy, it was she who could be trusted least for she was an enemy, a rabid wolf, covered in sheep's skin. There was a young man who he saw as a liar, blasphemer, betrayer and enemy, someone who was completely unworthy of being trusted, it was he who would prove to be an honourable, trustworthy friend and the beloved one to whom he would give his heart and soul and receive everything the man had to give in return. As he woke, Chakotay tried to hold onto the dream, for it had thrilled his adventurous soul. He tried to hold onto the images of the people and places he saw within the dream, but the moment he reached out to them, they disappeared like mist on a hot summer's day. --- Dreams are vicious things That can turn on you Terrible, twisted things That seemingly poison The unconscious mind completely. --- Chakotay came to believe that if he wanted to have a particular dream, all he had to do was think hard on what he wanted the dream to be about while looking at the dreamcatcher. This would ensure that he got the dream he wanted and that it came true. He never told anyone he believed this, not even his cherished mother, for he believed that if he told anyone about it, then the dreams would no longer come true. So, though he was nearly ten and fairly certain he was too old to still believe in such a silly thing, he was still mostly convinced that he could dream whatever he wanted to dream just by thinking hard while looking at his dreamcatcher, and that the dream would come true, eventually. After all, it had worked when he thought hard of having Belen, Meklos and Peri as his friends while looking at it. Leading to a dream in which they became inseparable friends and their becoming his friends in real live. Which led him to be where he was now, at the foot of his bed, looking at the dreamcatcher. His mother had been incredibly busy recently with council meetings, having just been appointed chief of the tribal land his family resided on. As the current chief, her time was in great demand and though she did her best to spend time with the family and put them first, Chakotay missed having her around all the time. He resented having to share her with other people who insisted on speaking to her at meetings and on the street and coming to her for advice. He was selfish enough to wish that his beloved mother would never attend another council meeting, even though she was fulfilling her own dream by being a leader of their people. As he looked at the dreamcatcher, Chakotay thought hard about his selfish wish, even saying out loud, "I wish Mother wasn't a chief anymore, that she'd never be in charge of another council meeting." Then got into bed and fell asleep as darkness filled his room. --- He dreamed of his mother walking along a path in the woods near his home on her way home from the latest council meeting. It was very dark, though the light of the moon could be seen through the canopy of leaves overhead. The trees were swaying slightly in the breeze and though it was a beautiful night, there was something ominous in the way the trees moved. Chakotay saw a flash of sharp teeth, a blur of grey fur and a pool of red blood spreading along the forest floor. The trees rattled under a sudden gust of wind and he woke up terrified, though he did not know why. He was too scared to go back to sleep and was left with the feeling that he should be doing his best to try to stop something terrible from happening, though he did not know what the something terrible might be. The next day, he watched with a terrible sense of foreboding, a terrible fear that he would not see his mother again as she headed for the council meeting. And yet, he could not make himself move to stop her from going. He watched as it grew darker and darker, the moon smiling terribly upon the forest near his home as the trees swayed with the breeze. He heard the branches rattle and somehow KNEW his mother had died. An hour later, he heard his father making several frantic calls to neighbours, asking them if they had seen his wife. He watched as a search party went out to the forest that lay between his family's home and where the council meetings were held. He heard their mournful cries when they found his mother, dead in the forest, killed by a rabid wolf. Chakotay sobbed, convinced that he had somehow caused his mother's death. That he was responsible for it and no matter how many times his father told him there was no way he could be responsible for it, he didn't believe him. From then on, Chakotay never spoke out loud anywhere near the dreamcatcher, never looked at it and thought of a dream he wanted to dream about and have come true, and never looked at it without feeling vaguely guilty for ever believing it could make wishes come true. --- Dreams are glorious things That you are astounded by Beautiful, precious things That seemingly tantalize All your senses at once. --- Chakotay was fifteen and knew that he had to get away from Dorvan. He knew that if he stayed that he would be smothered by the traditions of his people. He was certain that there was nothing on Dorvan for him. He and his father fought over everything, with his father trying to push the traditional teachings and ways upon him and him wanting to reach out to the stars and shape the future through serving in Starfleet. Chakotay was frustrated when his father refused to listen to his dreams, refused to even consider different ways of living. He just knew he could not stay, that he could not live by the restrictive rules the colony insisted on. The dreamcatcher still hung above his bed and he still valued it highly as he remembered how his mother hung it with such care. But he now saw it as a decorative memento and nothing else. He was certain there was absolutely no way it could influence his dreams and that, no matter what had happened in the past, it could not make him dream dreams that came true. After all, it was just woven hide, beads and feathers, with a willow frame and thus incapable of doing anything, including catching dreams. --- That night Chakotay dreamt of being accepted into Starfleet Academy and of traveling to Earth on the Excelsior in the company of Admiral Hikaru Sulu - his childhood hero. In the dream, he met a man named Ben who would become a lifelong friend, of going on many adventures with him and of learning how to play an odd sport involving an apple sized white ball and a diamond shaped field. He dreamt that his thirst for knowledge was finally encouraged through finding the answers to his many questions and of learning that there were more questions to be asked, more mysteries to be solved. In the dream, he began to earn the respect of others by conducting himself honourably and by doing his duty to the best of his ability. --- He woke up feeling joyous and hopeful. As if he had managed to reach out and touch his most cherished dreams and make them real. He set off for school with the feeling that something wonderful would happen. He couldn't remember his dream, he rarely did, but he did know it was an incredibly good one. Later that day, he learned he was accepted into Starfleet Academy and that he would be taken to Earth upon the Excelsior and that Admiral Hikaru Sulu, retired, would be on board. --- Dreams are vibrant things That you must chase with zeal Strong, enduring things That seemingly haunt The dreamer in his bed. --- Chakotay had graduated with honours from the Academy and had immediately taken the oath that all officers were required to take. The oath stressed the importance of putting your duty first, of adhering to all the rules and regulations listed in the Starfleet Officers' manual and of how lying to a superior officer or Starfleet by word or omission were amongst the most reprehensible things you could do. To Chakotay, this oath was sacrosanct, to be taken only if you meant to live your whole life in accordance with its principles. To break this oath in such a way that you were dishonourably discharged would indicate that you had committed an unforgivable sin for which no redemption could be had. To him, lying became a more grievous crime than killing and any officers found to have lied and been court- martialed deserved the life-long disgrace they were faced with after. This belief guided Chakotay's daily actions and was woven into his dreams. --- He dreamt that he did his best to fulfill his duty by working hard and paying attention to detail. Dreams in which he earned his commanding officers' respect and advanced in rank accordingly. Dreams in which he was eventually offered the chance to be a captain himself, to be their "chief" and thus be able to guide them in their quest to explore new cultures and their voyage of self-discovery. Dreams in which he became the crew's confidant, their friend, as well as their leader. But these last dreams were odd for though he was the captain, he was not in a Starfleet uniform, but in some other uniform of tan cloth, much like leather. When he woke from these dreams, he was full of confidence and determination to make them come true. Always doing his best to work towards achieving them through hard work, while still living a full life and keeping in touch with all his friends, including Ben Sisko. --- Dreams are foretelling things That you must pay heed to Warning, promising things That seemingly teach Those willing to listen --- In an instant, Chakotay went from an aspiring officer who had been just offered the captaincy of the USS Reed to the grieving son of a father killed in cold blood under the nose of Starfleet itself. He went from having the sweet taste of success on his tongue to the gritty taste of ashes as his dreams of being a captain in the fleet were consumed by the firefight that took his father's life. He felt betrayed by the Fleet, for they had promised to defend the colonies for "as long as there are colonists who live upon it." The betrayal of their promise led to Chakotay resigning from the Fleet, feeling as if it was the only way he could retain his honour and self-respect. It was only a few months after resigning that he chose to serve with the Maquis, determined never to attack a Starfleet ship, unless it was in self- defense. He felt this was the only way he could pay tribute to his father's memory and keep the oath he had made to Starfleet and still saw as sacred. He became the captain of a rag tag band of people from all walks of life. From those who served because they believed in the cause, to those who served because there was no one else willing to take them on. From those who served to try to win back their family's land or honour to mercenaries who had only self-interest in mind. He believed that Tom was only a mercenary, one that could never be trusted for he had committed the most grievous sin possible of lying to Starfleet with the sole intent of saving his own ass. He treated Tom as if he was scum, refusing to listen to the hinted warning he gave about Tuvok, his gunner, and Seska, his lover. --- Every night after Tom came along, he dreamt of holding him in his arms and loving him. This in spite of having Seska in his bed. Dreams in which Tom would prove to be an honourable man, one Chakotay could trust with his life and soul. He dreamt of learning that Tom was not what he seemed to be, that he was actually misunderstood and that both Tuvok and Seska were the true betrayers. Dreams of being separated from Tom for awhile before being found by him and being given the chance to see that Tom was worthy of love and trust. He dreamt that Tom was his soul mate, the beloved of his heart and the one to whom he would one day owe his life and yet even as he dreamed this he would be angered by it and the anger would awake him. Chakotay was left feeling guilty over his explicit dreams about Tom and even guiltier over the dreams in which he just held Tom and confided in him as he would to a husband. This guilt ate at him and turned into anger and rage and disgust which he would then take out on Tom, instead of working it out through spirit walks and meditation. --- Dreams are hopeful things That you reach out towards Beloved, exquisite things That seemingly endure For a lifetime when you cherish them. --- Chakotay's life changed drastically after he became part of Voyager's crew. He had gone from being in command of his own ship to following Janeway's commands willingly, for she had won his respect. And though he served her with honour, the Maquis contingent still held his allegiance, for they still called him Chief and expected him to keep them safe should Voyager find her way home. Shortly after arriving on Voyager, he had hit Tom, seeing him as having personally betrayed him. He refused to even consider forgiving him for leading Janeway to him or for his grievous sin of having lied to Starfleet. His anger and resentment towards Tom was encouraged and fed by Seska, who spoke against him at every opportunity. Her later betrayal of him to the Kazon had come as a complete shock and made him doubt his own judgment. As time went by, he saw how hard Tom worked on behalf of the crew to make things easier for them. Chakotay saw how the holodeck programs that Tom worked on for hours helped the crew to accept being on the same side now. He watched as Tom reached out to those among the crew who were homesick, like Harry, with friendship, helping them to adjust to the situation. He noticed as Tom reluctantly studied to become a medic, and as he helped B'Elanna redirect her anger. It all led to a reluctant respect. One that demanded that Chakotay accept that he had prejudged Tom and needed to put aside that judgment and learn what Tom was really like. It was then that Chakotay's eyes were opened to the truth. Tom had made a terrible mistake and had paid for that mistake many times over and was now doing his best to live a life of honour. Because of that, Chakotay reached out to Tom with friendship and was truly touched when Tom accepted it. They began to really get to know each other, instead of assuming they already knew all there was to know about each other and as time went on, Chakotay fell in love. Shortly after falling in love, Chakotay showed Tom his dreamcatcher and told him how he used to believe it could make his wishes come true. Tom had smiled and said, "Then I wish you and I will stand together on Dorvan one day, renewing our vows to love each other, as we make plans to have a family together." That night was the first night Chakotay slept with someone in his arms, while under the gaze of his dreamcatcher. --- Chakotay was in a field, somewhere on Dorvan, standing hand in hand with his beloved, with Tom. He somehow knew they were standing in the same field in which his parents had been married and that they had just renewed their vows. That they had just made it back to Earth a few months ago and chose to resign from the Fleet so that they could help rebuild Dorvan. That his beloved had accepted his love and had given him all that he was in return. He knew their friends had just left and that he and Tom were now bound to each other for an eternity. That all his dreams were about to come true and that he would soon be Chief of his people and a father who would do his best to guide his children down whatever path they chose for themselves. When he woke, Chakotay knew that the love he had found with Tom would prove itself and last for an eternity, for he had finally accepted that Tom was the beloved one. --- The End