The BLTS Archive- Winter Solstice
by monkee (wiecek@earthlink.net)

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Archive: yes

Disclaimers: Paramount owns Star Trek Voyager and all of it's
characters.

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Chakotay took a deep breath of the bracing air. It was COLD down here.
Weather was something that he never realized that he'd missed until he
was planetside. On the ship, it was too easy to forget about the
things that connect us to a place in the universe. Day. Night. The
tidal effects of a satellite. The seasons. Somehow, though, whenever
he was on an away mission, or on shore leave, it all came back to him,
bringing a sense of joy and wonder.

He smiled as he looked at the celebration that surrounded him. The
Mystonians had been most helpful -- the trading had gone well, and the
ships food stores, as well as its supply of deuterium, were now
replenished. They would be leaving orbit tomorrow. For tonight, the
Mystonians had been gracious enough to invite the crew to their annual
winter solstice festival.

The festival was set in a large nature preserve on the northern
continent. The gently rolling wooded hills and a small lake had been
transformed. There were hundreds of tiny artificial white lights in
many of the trees, a stunning sight, which was mirrored in a
shimmering reflection on the lake. Chakotay considered the parallels
between this festival and any one of the dozens of solstice
celebrations that he was familiar with. Light, a symbol of hope on the
darkest day of the year, was always central to these observances.
Bounty and harvest also generally came into play, and this festival
was no exception. He'd never seen so much food in one place in his
life! Booths were scattered throughout the area with every imaginable
type of food, all of it unfamiliar and exotic. The aromas drifting
around were intoxicating to anyone living on a constant diet of
replicated food, and whatever Neelix was able to pull together, given
what he usually had to work with.

He sighed and tipped his head back to survey the sky. His breath
clouded up above him. The air was crisp and clear and the starlight
pierced sharply through the darkness. He saw one of the stars moving
smoothly through the night, and thought 'Voyager', but of course that
was a romantic notion. It could just as easily have been a Mystonian
vessel.

Kathryn was late, and he wondered if she had found some excuse to get
out of this and stay aboard. They had argued, as usual, about her
beaming down. Still, he was reluctant to leave the beamdown point
until he was sure. He would hate to miss her.

His vigilance was rewarded moments later as she shimmered into
solidity a dozen meters away. He was briefly impressed that she'd
dressed for the weather. He'd seen many of their crewmembers who had
neglected to plan ahead, and were forced to either walk around
shivering, or take the time to return to the ship for appropriate
cold-weather gear.

She spotted him and raised her hands in surrender. "I know, I know,
I'm late. It's B'Elanna's fault," she said immediately.

"Hmmph," he grumped, good-naturedly.

But she hadn't heard him. She'd caught a glimpse of the magical view
before her and was gazing about in awe. He walked up beside her and
studied her face, as she looked wide-eyed at the twinkling trees and
the sparkling reflection. She had her mouth open slightly and her
softly exclaimed "Oh," came out almost as an exhalation. She was
beautiful at times like this, although he couldn't tell her that.
Whenever she encountered something that filled her with curiosity or
wonder, there was a light and an intensity and a movement in her eyes
that took his breath away.

Finally, she tore her eyes away from the scene before her to look at
him. She gave him her unique, crooked, sentimental smile, and said,
"Oh Chakotay, it's stunning." She reached out and touched his arm,
saying, with a sincerity that tugged at his heart, "I'm glad that you
talked me into this."

"You mean you're glad that I bullied you into this," he grinned.

Her smile turned apologetic. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't fight
you so hard about leaving the ship. It just always seems like I have
so much to do -- it feels...frivolous to leave."

"It's important," he replied, anxious to make this point. "You need to
take some time for yourself, and whenever you get a chance to get off
of the ship, you should take it. If you aren't careful, by the time we
get back to the alpha quadrant, there isn't going to be anything left
of Kathryn Janeway at all."

She studied him seriously for a moment, considering what he had said.
He was grateful that she seemed to have accepted his words in the
spirit in which they were intended. A small smile began to form on her
lips again, and although she was trying to suppress it, she began to
laugh.

He raised his eyebrows at her. "What?"

"I'm trying to imagine what that would look like," she said. "Nothing
left of Kathryn Janeway at all. Just a hollow mask and an empty
uniform with four pips..."

He pretended to shudder elaborately. Then he took her mittened hand
and said, "Come on! You are not going to believe the food down here.
Let's go eat!"

She grinned and they almost ran down the hill towards the lights,
activity and wonderful smells.

---

They wandered through the food booths, sampling a little bit of almost
everything. Chakotay had never seen Kathryn eat so much -- she even
went back to the pastry booth a second time for another dark, gooey
looking concoction that she said tasted a little bit like a brownie.
She seemed relaxed and contented and they stopped frequently to chat
with other members of the crew.  She held onto his hand most of the
time, and it made him irrationally happy. Often, when they attended
ship's functions, she would take his arm, but when she held his hand,
it made him feel like more of a date than an escort. Every once in a
while, he would see members of their crew smiling and whispering as
they went past. If she noticed it too, she didn't say anything.

There were impromptu performances at random locations in the park --
once they stopped to watch some dancers in Mystonian native costume.
Their movements were spirited and exuberant as they pounded their feet
to the rhythm of the ceremonial drums. He watched her watching the
dancers, with obvious delight. She pointed out to him some of the
details of the elaborate costumes. When they walked on, he told her
about some of the ceremonial dances from his own people's traditions.

As they walked, the crowds seemed to get thinner, and gradually they
realized that they were approaching the perimeter of the festival.
Their attention was drawn by a quartet of musicians. They joined the
small group of people who were gathered, listening to the music. It
was a haunting piece, in a minor key. The winding melody was being
played by a wind instrument, something like a flute, with a high, pure
tone. Three stringed instruments played a continuo softly in the
background. Chakotay again watched Kathryn as she listened -- her face
transformed and softened as she let her mind wander with the melody.
She closed her eyes and folded her arms across her chest, and he
noticed that she was shivering. From the cold, perhaps, or from the
emotions that the music was bringing to the surface. He looked around,
but didn't see any crewmembers nearby, so he stepped up behind her and
wrapped his arms gently around her waist.

He was a little surprised when she did not stiffen in resistance. In
fact, all she did was take a deep breath and lean slightly back into
him, relaxing into the comforting embrace. After a moment, her
shivering subsided. She rested her folded arms on his, and closed her
eyes again. Chakotay closed his, too. He was listening to the music,
but he was also reveling in the moment. Here he was, standing on solid
ground in the woods, listening to beautiful music with Kathryn Janeway
in his arms. If it weren't so cold, he would have thought that he was
dreaming it all. Soon he got lost in the sensations: the scent of
Kathryn's hair, the warmth where their bodies were in contact, the
clear notes of the wind instrument, the flowing harmony of the
strings. He brushed the side of her head gently with his cheek and
felt her pull his arms tighter around her waist. He hadn't felt so
peaceful in a long time.

They were both startled by the sound of applause and opened their eyes
to find that the song had ended. They pulled apart, reluctantly, as it
became obvious that the quartet was going to take a break. Chakotay
felt the loss of her comforting presence and body heat immediately,
and saw that she had begun to shiver again. They regarded each other
for a moment, and then she smiled at him, and said, "God, it's cold
down here!"

Deciding that she had not been made uncomfortable by their previous
closeness, he put his arm around her waist. She did the same and they
turned to walk on. He spotted another booth, led her to it, and got
each of them a hot drink. It was some kind of fruit juice, a little
tangy, that had been simmering on an open fire with some added spices.
As they stood sipping at the steaming mugs, Chakotay realized that he
was exhausted. They had done a lot of walking. He looked at Kathryn,
and her eyes looked a little glazed as well. He wanted this night to
go on forever, but...

"Kathryn, You must be tired. I know that I am. Maybe we should go back
up to the..."

"No," she said, immediately, interrupting him. She looked directly
into his eyes. "Not yet, okay?"

He nodded, smiling. It pleased him that she was being affected by
their time together, too. Sometimes, he wasn't sure -- but tonight he
had no doubt. Looking around, he saw a bench up on a hill, away from
the festivities. He gestured towards it, and they walked slowly up the
hill, cupping their warm mugs of cider in their cold hands.

---

They sat huddled close together on the bench, and drank their cider in
companionable silence. Kathryn put her mug down, looked up at the
stars and sighed. Then she seemed to be studying the patterns of
condensation from her breath. Experimenting with different forces of
exhale, and different mouth shapes. Chakotay grinned and shook his
head in amusement. She noticed his bemused expression and smiled
sheepishly.

"Chakotay," she said, becoming serious again, "Thank you again for
making me come down here. I haven't enjoyed anything this much in a
long time. I feel...almost human."

"It's like I said, Kathryn," he replied, "you need to get off of the
ship more often. A little bit of fresh air, some real food, some music
-- those kind of things can really restore the soul."

She stood up and paced back and forth in front of the bench. "It's
more than that, though," she said, distracted. "It's...you."

He couldn't think of anything to say to that. He decided to let her
elaborate before he jumped to any conclusions.

She crossed her arms over her chest and began pacing again. "You're
the only person on the ship who calls me 'Kathryn'. Did you know
that?"

It seemed to be a rhetorical question, so again he said nothing.

"If it weren't for you, I would never hear my name spoken at all. I
tried to get Tuvok to use it, but he's just not comfortable with that,
so I haven't pushed it. You're the only one."

He had never stopped to think about it before, but it was true. It
really wasn't appropriate for anyone else to call her by her name,
given her position. Neelix and Kes, when she was still with them,
perhaps - but he knew that they never had. They preferred to call her
'Captain' right from the start. He considered how de-humanizing it
must be to never hear your name spoken.

"I'm just..." she began, but seemed to be having trouble finding the
right words. "I just think that if it weren't for you," she continued,
referring back to their earlier conversation, "there wouldn't be much
left of Kathryn Janeway even now...and I don't know how I can possibly
thank you for that..."

Her voice broke and suddenly he found himself standing in front of her
with his hands on her shoulders. "I love your name," he said
fervently, "It's beautiful. I'll say it as often as you want," he
paused, then added, "Kathryn."

She put her hand on his chest, stepped towards him and began to lean
in. Hardly believing that this was happening, he met her halfway. They
paused briefly, neither of them remembering to breathe - then she
gently brushed his lips with her own. She might have pulled away then,
but he put his hand behind her head and pulled her closer. Their lips
moved together softly, slowly and then she had both of her hands on
his coat, pulling him still closer. As often as he had imagined what
their first kiss might be like, if she'd ever allow it, he had never
come up with a scenario in which they were standing in sub-zero
temperatures with runny noses wearing six layers of clothes, including
gloves.

He didn't want to push her, but he could not bring himself to pull
away. He was completely taken off guard when she deepened the kiss --
opening her mouth slightly and running her tongue over his lower lip.
"Kathryn," he groaned softly, as he moved his hands down to her
throat. "Kathryn," he repeated, wanting her to hear her name again and
again. The kiss had started spontaneously, but they were both rapidly
losing control of it, and they needed time. They broke the kiss
simultaneously, needing to breathe again, but did not back away. They
stayed in place, resting their foreheads together, their breath
clouding and mingling in the space between them. After a moment,
Kathryn was the one who spoke.

"Oh, Chakotay -- everything just seems so simple down here," she said
quietly.

"This isn't simple, Kathryn," he replied, "It's never simple." He did
step back slightly now, smoothing her hair back off of her face with
his gloved hand. "But I don't believe that it's impossible either."

She sighed. "I don't know how I'm going to feel when I'm back on the
ship being the Captain again."

"I know," he said, "I don't expect any promises from you. Let's just
see. We'll take it slow." He lifted her chin and made eye contact.
"Okay?"

She nodded at him, tears in her eyes -- apparently not trusting
herself to speak. Instead, she moved forward and kissed him again,
softly -- just a brief contact, but it was full of promise.
Possibilities.

Despite Kathryn's proximity, and a kiss that he'd waited five years
for, Chakotay was chilled to the bone. And Kathryn, he noticed, was
shivering again. "Come on, Kathryn," he said, "It's late, and it's
damned cold. Let me walk you home."

Turning, they looked one last time at the lights of the festival
below. Chakotay knew that no matter what the future would bring, he
would remember every detail of this night. The sights, the sounds, the
smells, the way it felt to hold Kathryn and keep her warm. He
considered what had happened between them. He'd been trying for years
to tell her that there needed to be more to her life than reports and
responsibility and command solitude. But those were just words.
Tonight, he'd shown her what she needed. And they had made a genuine
connection -- and they hadn't had that in years, not really. They
probably hadn't had a connection like that since their days on New
Earth.

She turned to him and smiled. She touched his arm -- her way, he knew,
of reassuring him that she was all right with what had happened. That
she wasn't going to forget it. "Let's go home," she said, simply.

---

The corridors of Voyager were nearly vacant, with nearly all off-duty
personnel still down below at the festival. Much to Chakotay's relief,
their comfortable rapport with each other continued after they beamed
aboard. As they strolled towards their quarters, she told him that she
was going to soak in a hot bath for at least an hour. He tried hard
not to picture that.

They stopped as they reached her door. There was no one in the
corridor at the moment, but Chakotay knew that she would not be
comfortable about kissing him in a public area of the ship. He settled
for a gentle touch on her cheek. "Sleep well, Kathryn," he said.

She turned her face and brushed a gentle kiss onto his wrist. "You
too," she replied with a smile.

He grinned like a kid all the way back to his quarters. He was the
happiest man in the delta quadrant.

---

The End