The BLTS Archive-Prehensile Plants and Sarcastic Vulcans by monkee (wiecek@earthlink.net) --- Disclaimers: Paramount owns Star Trek Voyager and all of its schizophrenic characters. Author's note: In this story, I'm going to pretend that Equinox never happened. If TPTB can do it, so can I. This story contains mild spoilers for the B story of 'Survival Instinct'. --- "Janeway to Tuvok" "Tuvok here." "Would you please step into my ready room?" "Of course, Captain." Sighing, but trying not to look like he was sighing, Tuvok walked over to the ready room. Perhaps the command team wished to have more lighthearted amusement at his expense. He didn't mind, really. He had long ago discovered that humans were far more efficient when they were happy. There was no response to his signal, so he just walked in. Just inside the door, he stopped. As a Vulcan, he was seldom at a loss for words, but this situation was highly unusual. For the first time in his six years on Voyager, he did not know what to say. He opened his mouth, then closed it. He felt his eyebrows rise. The command team was completely entangled together inside the prehensile plant. He could hear snatches of conversation emanating from the twiggy mass. "It caught you before - why did you come back over here, Kathryn?" "My COFFEE is on this desk somewhere!" "Oh, well then...hey, can you reach this vine around my waist?" "Yeah, I think so...wait...is that..." "That's not a vine, Kathryn!" "Oh. Sorry." Not knowing what else to do, Tuvok cleared his throat. "Tuvok? Is that you?" his Captain asked. "Yes, Captain," he replied evenly. "You...wanted to see me?" He heard the Commander chuckle's cut short by an energetic rustle of foliage. "Ow!" "This isn't funny, Chakotay!" she hissed, but in a tone that Tuvok recognized as one of amusement. "Tuvok," she continued, in a normal voice, "The commander and I seem to be stuck. Can you get us out of here?" "Certainly," he replied, although he was not, in fact, certain. He walked over to the plant and began, cautiously, to move vines away from his superior officers. He quickly realized that it was not going to work. For every vine he moved, two more snaked around to take its place. He couldn't help but be impressed by the plant's speed and seeming determination. One of the vines nearly wrapped around his wrist, and he stepped away quickly. "Tuvok, watch out!" the Captain cried. "It'll get you, too!" "Maybe you could stun it, or something," the Commander suggested, inanely. "That would not be advisable," he pointed out. "We do not know enough about this plant to determine an appropriate stun setting. And stunning the plant would very likely render the two of you unconscious as well." "It was just a thought," the Commander said cheerfully. He did not seem to appreciate the seriousness of the situation. "Maybe you could give it a neck pinch, or something," the Captain said, laughing. She did not seem to appreciate the seriousness of the situation, either. "I cannot," Tuvok pointed out, patiently. "It has no neck." The plant rustled as the command team laughed. Tuvok spotted a PADD that he recognized on the Captain's desk. Carefully, he reached through the vines and picked it up. "What are you doing?" the Captain asked. "I am accessing the information that the station manager gave you about this plant," he replied, calmly. "Am I correct in assuming that you haven't read it?" "Um...well, no, I haven't read it," the Captain admitted, sheepishly. "You didn't even read the manual, Kathryn?" the Commander asked her, pointedly. "I would have gotten around to it," she replied, defensively. "What does it say, Tuvok?" He scanned the contents. "Ah," he said. "Perhaps that explains it." "WHAT!" the Captain asked. "This plant is empathic," he informed her. "It can sense feelings." "I have an empathic, prehensile PLANT on my desk?" she sputtered. "This is Starfleet, Kathryn -- weird is part of the job, remember?" the Commander said. "How does this information help us, Tuvok?" "Perhaps the plant is disturbed by your apparent distress," Tuvok speculated. "I would suggest that you cease struggling, and attempt to...think good thoughts." The rustling ceased. After a moment, the Captain observed, "Well, at least it's not getting any tighter now. But it still hasn't let us go." "Security to Commander Tuvok," said a voice from the comm channel. "Tuvok here," he said, grateful for the diversion from this absurd situation. "We've received a priority one security alert from the station," the voice reported. "An altercation in one of the social establishments involving several Voyager crewmembers, including two members of the bridge crew. The station manager is requesting that you beam over immediately." "I will be there shortly," Tuvok replied. "What's going on?" Chakotay inquired from inside the foliage. "I can't hear." "Tom and Harry have gotten themselves into a bar brawl," the Captain replied. Tuvok raised his eyebrow. Captain Janeway's ability to piece together a situation given very little information had always impressed him. She was very likely correct in her interpretation. "If you will excuse me, Captain, Commander," he said, turning towards the door. "TUVOK! You can't leave us like this!" the Captain cried. "Captain," he said, calmly. "You are in no immediate danger. And there is a situation aboard the space station that requires the immediate attention of your chief of security." He had professional matters to attend to, and frankly he was getting tired of all the unresolved romantic tension between the two of them anyway. "But..." she continued. "The plant is empathic," he pointed out as he turned towards the door. "Clearly it senses some feelings in one or both of you that it wishes to explore. Or perhaps some feelings that it wishes the two of you would resolve." "Tuvok," the Commander said, "What are you saying, exactly?" "Perhaps, Commander, you should kiss the Captain and see what happens," he said. There was no reply -- just stunned silence. "I will beam over to the station now." The door swished open. He turned around. "Good luck," he added, and then he left. --- In the ready room, Kathryn Janeway wanted nothing more than to turn away from the dark eyes of her first officer, but the damned plant had her squashed up against him. When this whole thing had started, he had been behind her, but somehow they'd gotten turned around and now her hand was curled up between their chests and his hand was on her shoulder. And Tuvok's suggestion hung heavily in the two inches of space separating their faces. Not looking into his eyes, she said, awkwardly, "I think Tuvok has lost his mind." "Kathryn," he said, his voice hoarse. She risked a glance at his face. His eyes were closed. "Maybe..." he continued, softly, "...maybe it's not such a bad idea." Near her neck, his fingers were brushing at strands of her hair. He probably didn't even realize he was doing it. She could feel his breath hot on her face, and his lips were so close...his lips... "Damn!" she said, fervently. "What's the matter, Kathryn?" he whispered. "Everything is conspiring against me!" she moaned. He gazed at her affectionately, and his lips began to turn up into a small smile. "What is conspiring against you?" he asked, chuckling. "This stupid empathic, prehensile plant," she spat, "a sarcastic and insubordinate Vulcan...and those damned DIMPLES of yours!" She tried to close her eyes and block him out, but it was impossible with him in almost full body contact with her. There was going to be no way out of this one. "Oh, hell," she said, surrendering. Grasping at his uniform with her hand, she pulled him to her and their lips met in a searing kiss. She quickly managed to get both of her hands into his hair and she held his head tightly as his lips moved against hers. She felt the vines give a little and began pressing against him. She felt one of his hands on her hip, and his other hand moved around her neck, pulling her up towards him. The vines shifted a little more and, off balance, he was forced against her desk. She didn't back away; she continued to press against him firmly, and she felt something that was definitely NOT a vine pressing against her stomach. His lips parted and his tongue slipped into her mouth. With a clipped moan, she moved her hands down his chest towards his waist. "Kathryn," he groaned. The sound of his voice brought them both back to reality, and they broke the kiss, but did not back away from each other. They stood with their foreheads touching, gasping for breath. "You never do anything half-way, do you?" he asked, wryly, when he could talk. "You know that's not my style," she smiled into his neck. She pulled away slightly to look at his face, but saw something move from the corner of her eye. She started to laugh. "Look at the plant!" she exclaimed. He turned and they both looked. For the first time, they both noticed that they were now completely clear of the plant. In fact, the plant had stretched all of its vines and branches away from them, across the desk towards the door. "It looks like it's trying to leave the room!" Chakotay laughed. "I think it's embarrassed!" she smirked. "Let's see," he said, seductively, moving down to graze his teeth against her neck. Closing her eyes, she tipped her head back. Their bodies were still pressed together and she could feel them both moving together already in a steady, subtle rhythm. It wasn't difficult to imagine what it was going to be like. In fact, she wanted nothing more than to remove his clothes and push him into her chair and... But no. Not now. Not here. She had a ship full of visitors and a hundred things to do and...and...and... "Get out of here," she said, kindly, pushing him away. He started to protest, but she put a finger to his lips. Slowly, maintaining eye contact, she moved her other hand down from his waist and stroked at his erection through his pants. His eyes widened and he moaned softly. "2100 hours tonight. My quarters," she informed him. "And Chakotay..." she paused, waiting until she had his full attention, "...we aren't going to bother with dinner. Understood?" "Yes, Ma'am," he grinned. For a moment, he hovered near her lips, and...God...she wanted to kiss him again, but she knew that if she did she wouldn't be able to stop. "Go on," she whispered. "Get out of here. Please." He nodded and moved away from her smoothly. On the other side of the desk, he stopped for a moment. She sat down in her chair and smiled at his struggle. Finally he nodded again. "Captain," he said, trying to suppress a grin without success. "Bye," she mouthed to him, and he turned and left the room. There was still a suspicious bulge in his pants, but the bridge was packed with visitors and she doubted anyone would notice. Once he was gone, she looked around the room. It was surprising to her that this monumental change had just occurred in her life, yet the room looked the same as it had twenty minutes earlier. With one notable exception. She scowled at the plant. "Look what you made me do!" she growled. The plant actually flinched. "Oh," she said, sympathetically, reaching out to touch a leaf. She'd almost forgotten that it was empathic. "I'm sorry. It's all right, really. I've wanted to for a long time anyway." The plant began to move, very tentatively. She watched it warily. It reached out with a vine and gently pushed her coffee cup across the desk towards her. She laughed, delighted. "A peace offering, huh?" she said. "You know, I think you and I are going to get along just fine." It was hard to tell for sure, but she could almost swear that the plant smiled. --- The End