The BLTS Archive-Making it Right
by monkee (wiecek@earthlink.net)

---

Archive: Anyone who wants to. Just keep it intact.

Disclaimers: Paramount owns Star Trek Voyager and all of it's
characters. As a fanfic writer, I just try to tie up their
multitudinous loose ends...

---

Tom Paris surveyed the room contentedly. He'd recently resurrected the
Sandrine's program and it had caught on. For the past several weeks,
it had been running almost every night -- and more and more
crewmembers were revisiting it. Tonight he spotted over a dozen of
them among the holo-characters. The room was dark and smoky, and the
sounds of ice clinking in glasses and quiet conversation were
soothing. Sometimes he just wasn't in the mood for Captain Proton.
Looking around, he wondered why the program had gone unused for so
long, by him or anyone else -- it was the perfect escape from the
day-to-day routines on Voyager. And for him, tonight was special
because B'Elanna was off-duty and sitting across from him -- out of
uniform, relaxed and in a good mood. They hadn't had a single argument
in the two hours that they'd been there.

But then from behind him he heard someone enter the holodeck.
B'Elanna's countenance changed instantly and she swore softly as she
saw who had come in. He knew who it was, of course. Lately there was
only one person on the ship that could elicit that kind of response
from B'Elanna. His instincts were confirmed as he heard Lieutenant
Singh, who was seated at the bar, say 'Good Evening, Captain." He
heard Captain Janeway exchange a few pleasantries with Singh and
fervently hoped that she would not approach their table -- the evening
could still be salvaged.

But she had to pass right by, so she stopped, a little reluctantly, it
seemed to him, and said, "Hello Tom, B'Elanna." B'Elanna nodded
tersely but said nothing, tension almost radiating from her body.
Well, one of them HAD to answer her, so he drawled "Hello Captain --
What brings you here this evening?" He put a little more emphasis on
the word 'Captain' than he really had to and thought he might have
seen her flinch a little bit, but she recovered smoothly -- the
consummate leader, as always. She replied mildly, "Oh, I just thought
I'd get away from the reports for one night." She made a face and
added, "They tend to pile up on me."

She was just making small talk. And a year ago -- hell, even a few
months ago -- he'd have responded in kind, perhaps challenging her to
a game of pool later, or shamelessly complimenting her off-duty
attire. But their relationship had been strained at best since she'd
demoted him and forced him to serve thirty days in the brig. He
couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't prolong the
conversation more than necessary, so he just nodded. The Captain drew
in a breath, then said, rather awkwardly, "Well, enjoy your evening."

B'Elanna didn't even bother to acknowledge her this time, so he said
the first thing that came to mind, "Yes, Captain." Again with rather
too much emphasis on her title.

It was a spiteful response, intended to hurt, and he could see right
away that he'd succeeded. For an instant he saw a brief flash of pain
in her eyes, then an even briefer flash of anger, but she let it slide
and simply nodded sadly and turned away. She was acknowledging the
cut, he could see -- accepting it. One of the burdens of command --
alienating your crew. As she walked farther into the room, in the
general direction of the pool table, he grimaced, immediately
regretting how he'd handled the situation.

"What?" B'Elanna asked, seeing his expression.

"I went too far again," he replied.

"No you didn't," B'Elanna insisted, "She deserved it."

But he realized, suddenly, that she didn't deserve it at all. He
didn't even know why he's said it -- it just seemed to come out of his
mouth of it's own volition. And automatic response to the surge of
anger and embarrassment that he still felt every time someone called
him 'Ensign'. But his prison term had been served months ago now, and
it really was time for him to get past it.

He watched as she sat down, alone, at a small table near the back --
far enough away from their table so that they could all safely ignore
each other. She ordered a drink from the holographic waitress. She was
wearing slacks and a black sweater. She always looked smaller,
somehow, out of uniform. Almost vulnerable, although he'd learned not
to be fooled by that illusion. But tonight, she looked different.
Older. Tired. She bent her head down and rubbed her forehead with her
hand, then ran her hand distractedly through her short hair as she
glanced around the room. She was sitting among her crew, but still
separate from them. He figured that his harsh tone had probably made
her feel her isolation even more acutely, and he didn't feel the least
bit triumphant.

He shook his head and told B'Elanna, "The way we treated her...it was
uncalled for. And what I said was...cruel."

"Cruel?" B'Elanna sputtered, "How can you say that? It wasn't 'cruel'.
If she's going to treat us like DRONES all of the time, then she can
hardly expect us to get chummy with her when she waltzes onto the
holodeck after hours." She was, at least, speaking in low tones that
no one else would hear, but her words were vehement and sharp.

"B'Elanna," he said reprovingly, "She does not treat us like
drones..."

"I may as well have been a drone," she spat angrily, "when she went
against my wishes and let that holographic Krell Moset treat me with
his tainted medical data."

Tom told himself to just shut the hell up and let it go.  The two of
them hadn't argued about this yet, and he didn't want to spoil the
evening even more by arguing about it now. But for some reason he
didn't seem to have any control over what was coming out of his mouth
tonight -- and he heard himself say, "Well, you'd be dead if she
hadn't."

B'Elanna's jaw dropped and she flushed angrily. 'Well, I've done it
now,' he thought. They had not yet managed to have this conversation.
After she'd been released from sickbay following her successful
treatment by the Cardassian hologram, he's listened faithfully as she
railed against Janeway -- letting her vent and responding in a
non-committal way. After his incarceration, however, he'd been bitter
enough at the Captain to actually enjoy B'Elanna's acrimonious
comments. But it had gone too far. Perhaps it was time for him to come
clean about his own part in the ethical debate surrounding the Krell
Moset incident.

"That 'doctor' killed innocent people to obtain medical data,"
B'Elanna began, absolutely livid. "I didn't want any part of it -- it
still makes me sick, physically sick to my stomach, that I benefited
from their suffering."

He held up his hand to stem the flow of words. He'd heard all of this
before. "B'Elanna," he said, softly, "I think that those people would
have wanted their suffering to benefit someone, somewhere, sometime.
If you'd been one of Moset's more unfortunate patients, wouldn't you?"

"I can't believe I'm hearing you say this," B'Elanna said, furiously.
"You're twisting it all around to justify your own position..."

"What if I am?" he interrupted. "You were lying on that biobed with
that THING sprawled all over you, all tangled up with your internal
systems. You don't have any idea how helpless I felt!" He was speaking
with intensity, but somehow managing to keep his voice low. His eyes
watered as he remembered the sick feeling of desperation. "In all of
the meetings," he confessed, "I argued for using the hologram's data.
When the Captain decided to do that -- and she wasn't terribly happy
about it, B'Elanna -- I THANKED her."

"You never told me," she replied, somewhat subdued by his
uncharacteristic emotional display.

"What if it had been me, B'Elanna? How do you think you would have
felt then?" he asked.

"I...I'm not sure, Tom," she said, "I still think it was wrong. I
mean..."

"Okay, bad example," he said with a grin, trying to lighten the
moment. She rolled her eyes. "What if it were...okay, what if it were
Naomi?"

"That's low," B'Elanna said with a small smile.

"Well, think about it. What do you tell Sam? 'We have the information
that we need to save your daughter, but it was obtained in an
unethical manner so we're going to have to take the moral high ground
and withhold treatment. Sorry about your only child..."

"Tom, that's a hypothetical situation, and it isn't fair..." B'Elanna
argued.

"Well," he said, "the Captain has been faced with decisions like that
fairly often out here -- and they aren’t hypothetical. She has to make
the call sometimes. And it can't be easy for her..."

B'Elanna glanced quickly around at the Captain, then turned back
towards him, a little more uncertain now. Janeway was still alone, and
he watched as the holographic gigolo approached her. She warded him
off with her usual good grace, but he couldn't help but remember the
first time she'd walked into this program, unexpectedly, escorted by
Harry Kim, only a few months after their arrival in the delta
quadrant. It seemed to him that she'd been a much happier woman back
then. The pressures and strains of the ensuing years had cost her a
lot...had cost her much more than the rest of them...

He was just debating himself as to whether he should go over and speak
with her, or whether that would just make matters worse when Chakotay
walked by. He punched B'Elanna's arm gently as he passed, saying "Hi
B'Elanna, Tom."

They waved in response then watched as he went right over to the
Captain's table. Janeway smiled as he sat across from her, and Tom
couldn't help but notice that she immediately looked better, a little
brighter. He was enormously grateful to Chakotay for being there for
her, and actually sighed in relief. B'Elanna bit her lip and said,
"There, now she's all right."

"Maybe, but that doesn't fix what I did to her just now," he said,
shaking his head.

"But Tom," B'Elanna said, probably remembering all of his unkind
comments about Janeway over the past few months, "what about you? The
demotion.  The brig. You were just fighting for something that you
believed in -- yet she breaks the prime directive every other week..."

"Well, she's the Captain. It's her prerogative. I'm not sorry that I
tried to help those people, but I knew what the consequences would
be." He drummed his fingers thoughtfully on the table. "Actually," he
continued, "I'm glad that she didn't just look the other way. There
are rules - I broke them, so I suffered the consequences. And I did it
for a good reason. I feel good about taking a stand, even if it may
have been misguided after all, and even if it cost me. And I’m sorry
now that I was so childish -- griping so much about her to everyone."

B'Elanna nodded and he looked over at the Captain's table again.
Janeway had just gestured to their table with her chin and obviously
was confiding in Chakotay about what had transpired. Her eyes were sad
and he winced again. Then Tom watched as Chakotay responded to her,
speaking with his usual quiet intensity. He could only see the
Chakotay's back, but could tell that Chakotay was offering her words
of comfort and wisdom, by the tilt of his head, and the way he leaned
in towards her. Chakotay made no outward movement, but Tom got the
impression that he was reaching out to her -- touching her. He'd
observed this connectedness between Chakotay and Janeway before. Even
when they weren't touching each other, they were.

At that point, Harry and the Delaney sisters joined him and B'Elanna
at their table, and conversation and banter and laughter ensued. But
Tom would look over towards the Captain every so often. Confirming for
his own peace of mind that she was still all right. He watched as she
and Chakotay played a game of pool, saw her smile and laugh, and
uncharacteristically miss some shots and lose the game. Again he was
relieved that he hadn't completely ruined her evening, although he
knew that he was not off the hook. He'd have to think of some way to
apologize.


An hour later, Kim and Jenny moved over to the pool table to play a
game, and Megan went with them, unwilling, probably, to stick around
and be a third wheel. Alone at their table again, he and B'Elanna
watched as Chakotay and Janeway left the holodeck. Chakotay had his
hand on her back, ushering her out the door, but just before he
stepped out himself he turned and looked right at them, his eyes
angry. He caught B'Elanna's eye, and shook his head, disappointed.

After they'd left, B'Elanna looked over at him and admitted ruefully,
"All right, I guess I feel a little bit bad about it now, too."

"I have to do something to make it up to her, but I can't think
what..." he said.

B'Elanna sighed and said, "I'm not sure it's necessary to DO
something. I think now that I've been a little too hard on her. I
still think what she did was wrong, but maybe there was no right way
to handle it. I admit that I have trouble seeing shades of gray. I
think that she and I, well, we won't get back to normal overnight.
We'll have to rebuild our old relationship gradually. I need time to
sort out my feelings and forgive her. And I think she knows that. But
I don't have to be so...hostile, I guess."

"Not me. I want to make some kind of gesture. A statement, you know?"
he said. "I can't help it, it's my way..."

She laughed and he said, "Come on, let's get out of here. It's late."

As they got up, his glance fell on the small vase of flowers that
decorated their table. And he got an idea.

---

The next morning he strode onto the bridge at precisely 0659 hours,
and was happy to see that she was already there, seated in her command
chair. Instead of heading directly to his station at the helm, he
walked over and stood before her, at attention, except his hands were
behind his back. When she looked up from her console at him in
confusion, he extended his hand and presented her with an enormous
bouquet of wildflowers with a flourish.

"Flowers for the Captain," he announced, although it was obvious that
they were flowers, and equally obvious that they were for her.

He'd never seen her so completely at a loss for words. Her mouth was
open, but nothing was coming out. This was outrageous behavior even
for the old Tom Paris. She recovered enough to close her mouth, then
eyed him warily. He realized with a sinking feeling that she halfway
believed that he was being openly insubordinate -- a smart-ass. He
chastised himself for letting things get so out of hand that she'd
ever think he'd be disrespectful to her on her own bridge.

"What is this, Ensign?" she asked, suspiciously.

He looked directly into her eyes so that she could see he was sincere
and said "It's just a token of gratitude, Ma'am. Because you're a fine
Captain and I don't think you hear that said often enough."

Tears flooded her eyes and he watched her struggle for control. She
believed him now, and he could see a half dozen feelings reflected in
her eyes in a matter of seconds. Mostly relief and gratitude, but some
gentle amusement as well. She almost lost it when she heard some of
the other bridge personnel murmuring their agreement to what he'd
said. But she took a deep breath, and said, "I see. Well, thank you
Tom." Then she added, "Take your station...Ensign," and tempered it
with a smile. And this time, when he heard the new title, he felt no
flutter of anger. No embarrassment. He almost felt proud. He'd get
past this, and now, so would they.

He grinned, and said, "Yes, Captain." And this time, when he put an
extra emphasis on the 'Captain', it was for all the right reasons. And
he knew that she knew it. He walked over to his station with a spring
in his step and saw B'Elanna watching him from the Engineering
station, shaking her head with a bemused smile on her face that she
did not attempt to subdue, or hide from the Captain. They were all
going to be all right now.

After a moment, the Captain turned the bridge over to Commander
Chakotay and went into her ready room, ostensibly to put the flowers
in some water. But Tom knew that she needed to escape from the bridge
to absorb what had happened. And he knew that she would probably shed
a few tears. And he knew, he KNEW that in a few moments, Chakotay
would follow her in there.

When he activated his console, there were already two messages waiting
from him. One was from B'Elanna, and said 'I love you.' The other was
from Chakotay, and said, simply, 'Thank you.'

---

The End