The BLTS Archive - Aftermath
#2: Up The Ladder
by Mike (nurseymike@yahoo.com)

---

Date completed: Oct 30, 2008

Disclaimer: The show and its characters belong to Paramount.
No profit is being made from this story and no infringement is
intended.

Author's notes:  Continues the development of the
relationship between Archer and Reed, and a new one for
Tucker with a new crewman.  It also tries to explain why
Trip, who seemed to me to be such a spirited, together
character in the first 2 seasons, becomes totally unglued
in season 3.It would be beneficial to have the read the first
story- AFTERMATH- to put this story in context.  Dominic Carter
is my own invention

Beta reader:  Alter Ego- many, many thanks to you for very
necessary edits.

---
This Part takes place concurrently with
Aftermath- Part  5
---

I was busy in the medical lab section and could see Captain
Archer walking gingerly through the door.  I immediately
came to the front of the sickbay to see him. "Captain, what
can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if Phlox could see me for a little bit. I
have a  slightly sore back here and was wondering if he
could do anything for me."

I still get this a lot.  People on the ship aren't used to
having a Nurse Practitioner onboard as well as Dr. Phlox
now.  He had taken such good care of everyone since Enterprise
was initially launched that everyone automatically turned to
him with their problems.  And no  wonder, the guy is a
certified miracle worker when it comes to medicine.  But
one of the top recommendations that Phlox had for the
continuing mission was that he get some qualified help.

So I, Dominic Carter RN CNP, was interviewed and accepted the
position.  If I had been full time in Medical, it may have helped
a bit in getting the crew more used to me.  The fact that I
was also part time security in Lt. Reed's department didn't
help.  I was an experiment with Enterprise, splitting my
time between medical and security.  I went where and when I
was needed.  But being a fully certified Nurse 
Practitioner, field medic and a hand-to-hand combat
specialist made me a peculiar, albeit natural fit for the
job. 

Since I was already a graduate level RN when I got to
Starfleet, I was able to focus on my security training and
Nurse Practitioner course work at an accelerated pace.
After the Xindi attack and its aftermath, they were much
more concerned about security in general and in being prepared
for future conflict.

"I can help you there, Captain," I noted to him, trying to
put him at ease.  "Dr. Phlox is responding to an emergency
in one of the environmental section storerooms.  Apparently
some of the storage came loose and fell on Ensign Massaro.
Nothing he can't handle, but he may be a while."

I could tell that the captain was a bit dubious bringing
up whatever was wrong with him to me, even though he had
interviewed me personally  and had me do lengthy follow up
interviews with both Dr. Phlox and Lt. Reed.

"Captain, you brought me on board to help provide for the
needs of  this crew.  Whatever you may need, I want to
assure you that I will do my best.  I also take patient
confidentiality as seriously as Dr. Phlox.  Neither the
ship grapevine nor rabid Klingons are going to get anything
from me."  The fact that I and probably Lt. Reed were the
only ones on the ship that could legitimately fight off
rabid Klingons helped me with my statement.

"Very well Mr. Carter, my problem is actually a little lower
than my back. I'm currently having some trouble comfortably
sitting down and wanted to see if there was anything I
could get for the discomfort."

I noticed at this point that the captain had seemed slightly
hesitant in talking to me.  Understandable given his problem,
but he stated it in such an odd way and his face was also
starting to get a little red...  'Curiouser and curiouser' I
thought to myself.  'Must be  something personal...'

"If you are uncomfortable sitting, Captain, you can just lie
down right here on the biobed while I run a few scans to
see if I can find out what is wrong."  With that, I used a
portable scanner to see if I could get any initial
readings.  I doubted I would need Phlox to use the full
body scanner for this.  When I scanned the region of the
Captain's buttocks, he twitched slightly and his face got
even more red.

After a few minutes of scanning and then looking at the
results, sure enough, the scans showed me what I had begun
to suspect.  I hesitated to talk with the captain on what
might be a rather touchy and personal subject, but took my
own advice and tried to put him at ease.  Captain Archer
knew I was gay; I made sure it was plastered all over my
file so no one could claim any surprises and I brought it up
again at my interviews.  Public opinion and policy had long
ago changed for the better, but some people could still be
prejudiced no matter what.  The captain assured me he and his
staff had no problems with it and would make sure no one else
in the crew did either- or  they would answer to him.  He had
said it with such conviction that I had no doubt on his account.
I turned to him and put on my best sympathetic nurse face.

"Captain, you know that I worked at San Francisco General in
the ER.  I saw more than my share of trauma, and rectal
trauma in particular."  I let my statement sink in.

"Now you have a very mild case of it here with a slight
amount of bruising.  It is absolutely nothing that can't be
treated with a simple analgesic and a little rest from
some... um... specific  activities.  I do have to ask though if
there is any problem that I or Dr. Phlox should know about.
I also want to reiterate that what you say here goes
nowhere else.  Anything you say to me is privileged and
confidential.  Dr. Phlox reviews all my work, but that is as
far any of this goes."

After thinking about it for several seconds, Captain Archer
evidently came to some type of decision.  He visibly
exhaled a deep breath, probably one he didn't even realize
he was holding, sat up very tentatively and started to talk.

"Thank you for your candor, Mr. Carter.  I'll try to be just
as clear.  I'll start with the fact that I and another
crewman are in a romantic relationship currently.  It is
fairly recent, only a month or two old, although that time
frame could be shorter or longer depending on how you look
at it."

I had to smile at that one.  I've been in that boat as well,
where you don't know if you are or if you aren't, is it
serious or isn't it and if it is, how you count the time.

"Last night was the first time this person and I have had a
chance to actually... uhm... spend the night together on a more
intimate basis."  The captain became a little redder at this,
almost as if he were confessing he stole some cookies from
Chef's dessert tray.  I nodded at him in what I hoped was a
supportive manner.

"Anyway, as you may have guessed, this other person is a man
and we did get a little carried away with certain
activities and all.  Well, to make a long story short, we
were enjoying ourselves so much at dinner and had the
opportunity to be together for the whole night, one thing
led to another... and..."

With that the captain put his head in his hands and started
to laugh quietly to himself. "Why in the world am I
embarrassed by this?"  he asked me softly.  "I had a
wonderful night with a man I'm in love with and who says he
loves me, and I have the sore ass to prove it."  He then
looked straight at me.  "I got myself fucked blind last
night and I loved every second of it.  It was the best,
most meaningful sex I've had in a long time, years in
fact.  I only hope and pray it was half as good for him as
it was for me.  The other thing I pray for is that we can do
it again really soon.  So why am I so embarrassed?"

To be honest, I was extremely surprised by the bluntness of
the Captain's answer to me.  I certainly wasn't expecting
it.  I can only guess that if, as he says, this relationship
had been going on for at least a month or two and I hadn't
heard a thing about it from anyone, he wanted to get it off
his chest.

I knew then that the pat answers I was planning wouldn't do.
In an extremely short span of words, he had been honest and 
straightforward with me and told me just about everything I
needed to know.  I figured I would let him take the lead on how
to discuss this.

"Personal things are always the most difficult to share
Captain.  You just have to see yourself as human, one of
the crew, even though you are our commanding officer.  That
automatically puts you in a precarious position.  The
pressures you feel and the decisions you have to make, I
can't even guess at.  You are our leader and our captain
and we all look up to you.   When you say 'jump', ultimately,
we all ask 'how high'?  But, at the end of the day, no matter
what position of command you have, you are still just a
man.  Relationships are very intimate matters.  And they
are almost always a bit scary and embarrassing, especially
at the beginning.  It's no different for you than for the
rest of us."

"Now as to doing it again, as I said, this is very minor.
It's probably just more uncomfortable than anything else.
You haven't had any other physical problems at all, have
you?"  The captain shook his head in the negative.

"Then Captain, you basically need to give your abused ass a
rest for several days.  I'm sure that you and your partner
can come up with at least several alternatives for
yourselves in bed.  After that, just make sure you both use
LOTS of lube - a good rule of thumb is take what you think
you'll need and double it.  Be sure you take all the time 
you need to get relaxed and prepped and see that he doesn't
need to go at you quite so hard.  It will make it easier
for you."

With that said, I got up and readied a hypo of a simple
analgesic and administered it to the Captain.  "That should
help pretty quickly.  Is there anything else you want to
tell me?"

"Umm, the intensity wasn't really the problem, or at least
it was only part of the problem, Mr. Carter." 

"Oh?'  I have to admit, the Captain looks so cute when he is 
embarrassed.

"Yes, the other person in question, he is rather large in
the 'equipment' department.  That was part of the initial 
discomfort.  I had a hard time-" (the Captain gave a quiet
snicker at  his own joke) "taking him at first.  It became
easier once when we got into it, but it was difficult early
on."

"Well Captain, everything else I told you still holds,
especially taking the time to get relaxed.  When you feel
up to it again, you and your partner can try several
different positions - find which ones work the best for both
of you with the least discomfort.  Think of it as
experimenting; you can make it part of your foreplay.  After
a short period of time, you will get more used to him and
the difficulty will lessen appreciably"

"And if I may ask Captain, just uhm... how big is the
...equipment in question?"  I asked tentatively.

The Captain didn't say anything directly in response, but he
did indicate a certain length with his hands.  "Give or
take a centimeter or two."

My eyes got a little bigger at that point and I looked at
the Captain with a new appreciation for his abilities.
"Well, that is certainly impressive!  You have my
sympathies, Captain.  But I think in the long run you will
do just great."

"Yes I believe so, and in more ways than one.  But I would
really appreciate it if this did not get out to anyone
else.  He is a rather private individual and I would like
to keep this relationship intact.  And my head on top of my
shoulders,"  he added with a chuckle.

"As I said Captain, no one gets anything out of me.  But you
know, if it comes to that, at least you'll get to go with a
smile on your face," I stated and wiggled my eyebrows for
effect.

"Grinning from ear to ear, Mr. Carter.  No undertaker would be
able to get that smile off."

With that I got a better insight into just how good a leader
Captain Archer was.  I had noticed since the time I had come
onboard how much the entire crew looked up to him.  They
collectively would have walked miles on their fingertips
for him... over broken glass... because they  knew he would do
the same for them.  No other commander that I knew of had
the humility to make jokes at his own expense about getting 
banged so hard by his new boyfriend that he couldn't sit
down the next day, even if it was to just his medic.

I almost didn't say anything else, but I wanted to play a
hunch here. 

"Even so Captain, I really don't believe that Lt. Reed would
ever deliberately hurt you, in any way."

Captain Archer gasped slightly, looking almost distressed,
and hesitated before he answered me.  "No, I don't believe
he would  either.  I trust him."  After a decided pause, he
added,  "How did you know?  I was hoping we had been
discreet enough so others wouldn't notice."

"It wasn't any specific thing,Captain, certainly nothing
that I have  heard anyone mention.  It was more just a few
little things I've  seen.  When Lt. Reed was here with that
plasma burn last week you stayed with him for over an hour
till he was discharged.  The few times I have been
stationed on the bridge and you both are there, the two of
you snatch looks at each other.  After living in San 
Francisco, you learn to recognize when two guys are
interested in one another.  If the Lieutenant is feeling
down, he visibly perks up when  you talk to him, even if it
is just over the comm.  He actually  smiled the other day
when all the armory staff was working overtime on that
cannon upgrade and you had dinner brought down to us from
the Mess Hall.  I know Lt. Reed tends to forget little
things like eating when he gets engrossed in his work.
Plus he is one of the most private individuals I have
ever worked with."  I paused for a second or two then added,
"It all just seemed to fit." 

"Well, I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything Captain.  You certainly
don't need to justify anything to me.  I have only been on
Enterprise for a relatively short while but my experience
is that Lt. Reed is an honorable man and a good superior
officer.  And certainly better to look at than Dr. Phlox,
if I can comment on both my superiors.  Congratulations and
good luck to both of you.

"Thank you Mr. Carter, both for your candor and your advice.
I'm sure both the Lieutenant and I will put it to good
use."

"No problem Captain, all part of my job."  The captain and I
spent a few more minutes conversing on relationships in
general and how he felt about his new one with the
Lieutenant and some of the pressures he might face.  I
thought a second before adding something else.  "Captain, I
may be relatively new to Enterprise, but I believe that
sometimes a fresh pair of eyes can see things others might
overlook or take for granted."

"Go on, Mr. Carter."

"As far as I can see Captain, the entire crew has the utmost
respect for you and Lt. Reed.  They care about you both.  I
don't believe anyone would hold it against either of you if
your relationship became common knowledge.  I think that
everyone on the ship would be glad for you and supportive,
if they knew you both were happy with each other."
"However, I wouldn't let them know about the sore ass part,
that may be too much information," I hastened to add.

The Captain laughed a little at that.  "Thank you for your
insight and concern Mr. Carter.  I will be sure to bring it
to the Lieutenant's attention and see what he thinks.  Good
day."  With that, the Captain shook my hand and headed back
to the bridge.

---

The Captain's thoughts turned to his encounter with Carter. 
'Well that was certainly eye-opening.  I didn't expect that
conversation.  I don't think I would have been as candid
even with Phlox if I didn't have to.  I always wondered
what it would be like if we had a human doctor on the ship.
At least I don't have to worry about Carter asking to watch
how humans go at it.  He certainly seems to have a good
head on his shoulders.  I thought he would be a good
addition to the crew and it looks like I was right.'

Heading off, he could feel the quiet smile on his face,
knowing Malcolm would be on the bridge by now.

---


























PART 2

Four weeks later and I am still amazed.  Never in my wildest
dreams would I have figured Malcolm to be this crazy for
me, or me for him.  I mean as soon as we're alone we're
absolutely ridiculous; we're all over each other.  Since
we exchanged the 'L-word' weeks ago after our first night
together, we have just been going at each other like wild
beasts.  It's not as if I have no self control, I do, but it
is  getting sorely tested.  I was hoping that Malcolm's
sense of propriety would help me out here.  But if
anything, he is worse than I am.  Who knew that he would be
such a big tease?  He gets that little grin on his face
as if he is daring me to do something and I just go over the
deep end.  All I want to do is kiss him silly and then rip
his clothes off him. 

After my little talk and treatment with Dominic Carter in
Sick bay, Malcolm has been going at me like gangbusters.
At first he was aghast because he felt he had hurt me.  It
took me three full days to convince him that it was the
most wonderful hurt I have had in a very long time, one
that I couldn't wait to repeat, and then do some more.
I have to say that I've never wanted someone so much in all
my life, no matter what we do.  My ass has gotten more
action in the last few weeks than in the previous three
years. 

Trip has been laughing himself silly over us.  I guess I
don't mind too much.  Considering how strained our
friendship has sometimes been over the last year or so,
I'll gladly sacrifice a little dignity to get him to laugh
with me again

It's not like all we do is have sex.  We do spend our time
doing other things as well.  After that first night, both
of us have been so hungry for the other's touch we share a
bed as often as we possibly can, even if it just for a few
hours.  I have never slept so well in all my life.  We
talk, admittedly after sex usually- lots of  it, but
nonetheless we decided we had to make time for each other a
priority.  We talk about how our day has been and any
problems we've encountered.  Malcolm has great insights into
internal Starfleet politics and we go over all the Intel
reports we both get from Starfleet regarding interplanetary
situations (at least the ones I can let him see).  We share
any ship scuttlebutt we hear and laugh a lot over it.  I
found out that Malcolm has a wickedly dry sense of humor. 
With his keen security eye, not much gets past him and Trip 
and Hoshi fill us in on what we missed.  I've actually
gotten to be friends with Dominic Carter a bit.  He has a
distinct outsider's  viewpoint and is just as observant as
Malcolm.  Plus he hears a lot of stuff in Sickbay and
whatever is not confidential, he lets me know.

We came up with a strategy of hiding our relationship in
plain sight.  I'm not all that crazy about keeping it under
tight wraps but  Malcolm is still extremely private and a
lifetime of keeping quiet about yourself doesn't go away
overnight.  We try to get at least one meal a day together,
but it can be with Trip.  When I walk Porthos at night, I
vary the route and if it happens to take me past Lt. Reed's 
quarters, well then all the better.  Malcolm made a little
doggie bed for Porthos out of an old blanket so he is
comfortable.  We just have to muffle ourselves more than
normal so as not to disturb him too much.  Or sometimes
Malcolm will come to my quarters with some report that I
just have to see about security or weapons upgrades.  He
often doesn't leave till much, much later.  We brought some
changes of clothes for the other into each of our
respective quarters and don't try to sneak out undetected.
Someone will stumble upon us eventually  but if they are
used to seeing us together, it shouldn't arouse anyone's
suspicions too much.  At least that is the thought.

Tonight is another night when we both are off till later
tomorrow morning and so we plan to spend the time together.
Plus I have an  agenda as well.  After dinner I want to
bring him back here and spend the entire evening making
love to him.  After getting my ass worked overtime these
last few weeks, it is his turn.  I have my strategy all
mapped out and things are prepared in my cabin.

---

I am going to kill him; I am absolutely going to kill him.
If Jon doesn't hurry this along I will simply explode.  He
has been teasing and leading me on all night.  At first, at
dinner, it was just little kisses and touches.  He played
footsie with me under the table.  Then, with dessert, he was
feeding it to me and spilled it on me just so he could lick
it off.  Then he started licking my neck.  He knows that
just drives me wild!  He got me sitting down on his bed and
started to slowly undress me, kissing his way up and down
my whole body.  He would breathe in my ear and tell me how
hot I was and what he was going to do to me.  Then he
started undressing himself, while keeping up the running
commentary and still kissing me.  When we were totally 
naked, he pushed me back onto the bed and gently climbed on
top of me, holding his upper body weight on his elbows and
started to grind his hips into me.  He would caress and
touch me all over and then slowly stroke my cock and balls.
He would get me so close to the edge, and then back me
down.  I am so far beyond hot and bothered.

He has been alternating between giving me the best blowjob I
have ever had and licking my whole ass and rimming me.  I
have gone completely around the bend.  Nothing I have ever
experienced with another person is standing up to this.  My
whole body is one big aching need and I have to have him.

Just when I'm ready to come, he slows down or stops and lets
me cool down, but only for a little way and then its right
back in with it.  But now he is slowly prepping my ass for
his invasion.  I'm clutching the sheets in a death grip and
shuddering.  He is moving his fingers around inside me to
spread the lube around, to stretch and relax me.
Relax?!?!?  I'm so bonkers for him to get his dick in me it
goes beyond words.  Finally, finally, finally he is ready
and he thinks I'm ready.  He is right behind me with my
hips supported on his bent legs.  He slowly slips his cock
inside me, an inch at a time.  When  he is fully in me, his
balls gently nudging up against my ass, he  bends down and
kisses me tenderly.  I make funny, inarticulate sounds that
only get louder when he starts to move a little inside me. 
He keeps it up and inexorably increases the intensity, just
like he has all night, as irresistible and inevitable as
the tide coming in.  Jon looks at me and his lips are
parted, still telling me how gorgeous I am and how much he
cares about me.  His eyes hold an intensity I seldom see in
him, as if he is willing to take me on his back and carry me
wherever I need to go.  I reach up and kiss him, desperate 
and urgent.  I'm gasping like a psychotic locomotive, trying
to get words out, to make him understand.  He holds my gaze
and manages to get his own words out, saying simply, "I know
Malcolm, let go.  For  me, please?"

I just lose it at that point, throwing my head back and
shouting his name.  I wrap every available limb I have
around him, trying to get as much contact as I possibly
can.  My dick is trapped between me and his abdomen,
rubbing at every thrust he makes.  As if my yell were a
signal, Jon starts slamming his cock into me, striving to
his utmost for the both of us.  I can feel each of us
getting closer.  His body is starting to tremble and I have
lost any ability I ever had with words.  I'm hearing sounds
come out of my mouth I have never heard before.  He holds
my cock, stroking it in time to his thrusts.  I'm  crying
out for more.  He is pounding harder and harder into me.
Finally I can't take it another second.  I come yelling his
name again, my cock spurting between us, covering both our
chests.  My body convulses and then Jon's orgasm roars
through him, both of us yelling like there is no tomorrow. 
My head is spinning out of control, we slide down fully
onto the bed, my arms and legs still wrapped around Jon, he
still in me.  When our breathing starts to  return to a
regular pace, we slowly untangle and lay on our sides next
to each other.  Jon reaches up and gently wipes my tears
away.  I'm not even aware I was crying.  "I understand
Malcolm, I feel it  too" he says to me quietly.

We just lay there silent with each other, resting in each
other's embrace.  Finally, Jon gets up and heads into the
bathroom, returning with some wash cloths and dry towels.
He proceeds to clean up the both of us.  I haven't moved
much during this, just watching him  through it all.  Then
he comes silently to bed, pulls the blankets up over us
both and wraps me in his arms.  I feel safe and secure
there, knowing that with Jon, I can let go and let my heart
unfold.  I turn  my face to him and kiss him, murmuring
"goodnight love".  Tomorrow  can bring what it will.
Tonight we're together.  I'm asleep in seconds.

---

This has got to be one of the most boring days of our
mission so far.  I got up early today, feeling better than
I have lately.  After  spending some time in Engineering, I
headed up to the Bridge to see if anything exciting was
happening.  Jon was there in his chair, looking every inch
the part of a starship Captain.  But I have been friends
with him for over a decade now and I noticed there was
a difference to his look.  There was a trace of a smile
about him that just hovered over his face, as if all it
needed was a little excuse to break free.  The turbolift
doors opened and out came Lt. Reed.  Jon glanced over at
him and the smile that had been threatening came out in
full force.  Malcolm smiled back shyly at him.  No word was
spoken, but I could tell something had happened between the
two of them.  When Malcolm started to sit down, very
carefully, I got a pretty good idea of just what.  Weeks
ago when he and Jon had spent their first night together,
Jon had a sore butt the next day.  It looks like  Malcolm
finally got a taste of his own medicine.  I looked at him with a smug 
expression on my face.  Malcolm could sense my
eyes on him and he turned, very gingerly, in his seat and
looked back. I didn't need to say a word, his face started
to turn red.  Since he and Jon had gotten together, I'm not
sure who was turning up more embarrassed more often.  It
sure made for fun speculation between me, Travis, and
Hoshi.  We three were the only people I knew of that knew
about Malcolm and Jon.  Jon has told me at least some of the
highlights so far.  I make him tell me, especially the
embarrassing parts.  Those are always the best.  What good
is a friend if he can't poke fun at you?

Concentrating on Malcolm, I looked back at him.  He had some
kind of faraway look to him.  As if part of him wasn't here,
lost in some memory.  I'm sure.  I don't think I've ever seen
him this distracted on duty.  I know if it were some kind of
emergency, he'd be on it  like a shot, but with everything so
slow he really doesn't have that much to do.


I just went to his station and leaned over him. "What's been
going on with you, Malcolm?  I don't think I've ever seen you
this out of it." I asked him jauntily.

Malcolm almost came up out of his chair, startled.  I'm
surprised I got the drop on him, which almost never
happens.  He began to turn red again even before he looked
at me.  This was just too easy.

"I'm sorry Commander, what did you say?"  he whispered back
to me. His gaze sort of blanked out again and left me,
drifting over to the Captain is if drawn by a magnet.
'Good God, what did Jon do to him last night?'

Shifting directions, I was now a little concerned for him.
"How are you doing, Malcolm?  It's a slow day in
Engineering.  If you like, I could go to sickbay to see
Phlox.  I can pick up something for you if you are hurting,
and maybe a cup of coffee from the Mess Hall.  You look
like you could use both of them."

Malcolm finally registered that I was talking to him and he
gave me a look of infinite gratitude.  "Commander, I would
be forever in your debt if you would.  My arse is a bit
sore," he whispered pointedly, "and I can't seem to wake up
completely.  I was going to go myself but I want to get
this diagnostic done." 

"Not a problem.  I'll be back with some painkillers in just
a little  bit."

I trucked off to Sickbay first.

Winding my path down to see Phlox, I mused on Jon and
Malcolm.  At first I was incredibly amused by the fact that
they had gotten together.  Now I was starting to see just
how much they meant to each  other.  Both of them are
protectors with an oversized sense of responsibility and a
decided disregard for their own personal safety.  Jon has
already begun to help Malcolm come more out of his shell.
Malcolm has finally instilled some caution into Jon.  They
were made for each other.  Jon is like the older brother I
never had, someone I can get into trouble with but who will
rescue me when I need it.  We have had our troubles this
last year, but we seem to be getting over them.  Malcolm and
I have become real friends; he is stalwart and dependable
but indulges my playfulness.  Not to mention staying
friends when he should have kicked me to the curb after how
I treated him.  I love them both and I'm happy they are
together.  I'm almost jealous.  If you know what to look
for it is so obvious they're in love.

Walking into Sickbay, I finally got to meet Dominic Carter.
I've never had the chance to really meet him before, much
less interact with him.  Seems like an interesting guy,
tall and muscular without being overly so.  Nice ass.  If
the word that I hear is worth anything, not only is he a
decent medic, but he can outfight Malcolm in a combat
situation - and that takes a lot.  After a little bit of 
small talk, I asked if there is anything he can give me for
a friend with a...sore back.  Carter looked at me with the
funniest expression.

"This isn't by any chance something for the captain is it?"
he asked with a curious catch in his voice.

"No, as a matter of fact it's for Lt. Reed."

"Oh, okay.  Are you sure Commander, that it is his back
that's sore?  Is that what the lieutenant said?"  He gave
me an incredibly searching look that made me just a little
nervous.

"Well, specifically it may be for an ailment that is
... slightly lower.  He is having a little trouble sittin'
comfortably."  I didn't want to get into the real reason or
too much detail; Malcolm would string me up by my privates
if I let on too much.

"Hmm.  I seem to recall the Captain may have had a similar
problem several weeks ago, possibly from the same cause.
Must be something going around."  He said this as if it was
the most amusing thing he had heard all week.  "I'll get
something for the lieutenant you can give to him."

By this time, I'm thinkin' Carter seemed to know what really
ailed Malcolm, just like what was wrong with Jon those
weeks ago.  He certainly seemed very sure of the situation. 
"I'm sure he'd appreciate it," I said with a smile. 

Carter returned the grin and commented, "Make sure that the
Lieutenant sees either Phlox or me if he has any more
problems with  his... back side."

Even though neither of us had said anything specifically,
it's clear we both knew the score between Malcolm and the
captain.  With our little tap dance around the issue done,
we fell into a very pleasant conversation. I found him to
be very engaging and interesting, someone I'd like to get to
know better.  I actually surprised myself by asking if he
would like to get together sometime for dinner and continue
our conversation.  Carter agreed and we settled for Saturday
evening.  With that, I realized I still had to get those meds
to Malcolm and coffee as well.  I grabbed the analgesics that
Carter gave me and headed off to the Mess Hall to get some
coffee for Malcolm and myself.

---

Carter was left and pondered his latest visitor.  'The
Commander seems like a nice guy, easy on the eyes and what
a southern charmer.  Nice ass.  I wonder if he realizes how
cute he is with that dirty blond hair... good build too.
If the word I hear is worth anything, he's a damn good
engineer and brilliant to boot.  I wonder if he was 
flirting with me?  From what I've heard, he is pretty
straight.  Didn't quite seem like it when he asked me out
to dinner.  I wonder if this is a date I've got for
Saturday?'

---

After my little run to Sickbay, I headed to the mess hall. 
Grabbing two coffee mugs, I proceeded to fill them with
Chef's finest blend, guaranteed to wake the dead, or at
least make them sit up and take notice.  It originally took
Starfleet about two weeks before the general uproar over no
coffee out of the mess hall hit them like a tidal wave.  A
starship may run on its warp drive, but if no one is awake
to fly it or fix it, it'll fall apart at a moment's notice. 
So we all got our own official Starfleet coffee mugs,
guaranteed unbreakable, unspillable, able to anchor on any
surface.  The freakin' things are made up of the same
material as our hull plating.  Getting back to the Bridge,
I headed over to Malcolm's station.

"Lookee here, Malcolm.  I brought you some coffee." Then I
added in a voice only he could hear, "and some pain pills
for you as well.  Don't use 'em all at once."

"Thank you so much, Trip.  I really owe you one for this."

"You bet you do, my good man." 

With that I gave him a little swat on the butt, just to see
him jump.  Which he did.  Which earned me a Malcolm Reed
death glare, level 10.  "Now there is the Lt. Reed we all
know and love!"  I told him under my breath.

The Captain looked our way out of the corner of his eye and
had a good smirk on Malcolm's account.  But after a few
seconds, his look degenerated into the same dopey
expression Malcolm had had for him earlier.  Snickering in mock
disgust and sipping my coffee, I headed for Engineering.

---

'Well this has certainly been an interesting couple of
weeks.'  Sitting on my favorite table in the forward
observation lounge, I pondered the latest development in my
life.  I come here after my workouts and do my meditation. 
I love seeing the stars go by - it is very restful.  Sitting
in lotus position on one of the tables, I'm not tempted by the
softer furniture to just doze off and I am at just the right 
height to see out the windows. 

I was pondering my abortive relationship, or whatever it was
with Commander Tucker.  It sure seemed to get off on the
right foot.  We had dinner several days after I first met
him in Sickbay and we hit it off great.  It was a fun
experience.  He is a great dinner companion, lots of energy
and enthusiasm.  He is also a totally outrageous flirt.  He
does it with everyone; he is just less obvious with guys. 
He also seems to be totally unaware that he is doing it or
how it is affecting other people.  Phlox told me one time
about the visit of one of his wives, Feezal, and how
Commander Tucker reacted to her advances.  At first I
didn't think anything of it except how funny he made it
sound.  Phlox said he and Feezal just credited it to
interspecies misunderstanding.  Now I wonder.

I wasn't sure what was going on exactly at dinner, so I
ended the evening and just wanted to see what would
develop.  He got a hold of me two days later to see if I
wanted to do lunch with him.  When the commander later
found out that I am a comic book aficionado and that I had
brought some of my collection along... Well I thought he was 
going to orgasm right there.  He reads the DC comics, but I
have always been partial to the Marvel characters.  In
fact, as I told  him, one of the Marvel characters has
always been my favorite and the inspiration to learn how to
use the sai in my martial arts training.  We spent a very
pleasant week talking off and on about everything comics. 
Then he wanted to try working out together.

Finally two nights ago, I got up the nerve to kiss him good
night.  I just meant it to be a rather low key thing, but
he certainly responded, lots of tongue and everything.  So
much for him being straight, I thought.  But then he seemed
to do a complete 180 degree turn.  At first he looked
shocked that he got into it as much as he did.  Then he
seemed to get really embarrassed, as if he wasn't sure 
exactly what he had done.  He basically ducked out and I
haven't heard a peep from him since.  To say I was confused
and, to be honest, more than just a little pissed and hurt,
was an understatement.  I usually don't read people that
erroneously, but I've made mistakes on people's interest
before.  If I'm honest with myself, I'm also a bit bummed
as I thought the commander was an interesting and hot guy, 
someone I could be very attracted to.  He also kissed really
well, at least before he flipped out.  Pondering such
thoughts, the door to the lounge opened and Captain  Archer
came in.  He saw me sitting on my table and hesitated.  "I 
hope I'm not disturbing you, Mr. Carter."

"Not at all Captain, I'm finished with my meditations and
was just musing about some personal stuff.  Please sit
down, if you don't mind.  The company would be nice."

"Not a problem Mr. Carter.  It would be my pleasure."

"Please, call me Dominic, sir.  All my friends call me that
or else just Dom."

"All right Dominic, and in return, we're off duty here.  You
don't need to call me 'Sir'.  With that, the captain
flopped himself down into the sofa nearby and positioned
himself to face me so we would be able to see each other. 
I gave him a good once over.  I'm always cataloguing
people's physical and mental status.  Getting security 
training has only made it worse because now I look at the
security situation as well as the medical.  I could see
right off that the captain was a bit preoccupied.  I think
he was hoping to find the lounge unoccupied, but that was
just a guess.  In return, the captain was quietly doing his
own assessment of me as well.  I just waited patiently; if
he wanted me to know anything, he'd tell me. 

"Dominic, just where exactly did you get your combat
training?"  the captain finally asked.  "I never got that
deep into your file for your history on that."

"Long story very short, my dad was a US Army Ranger and my
mom was Israeli special forces.  They met when he was on
maneuvers in the Middle East.  They got married and moved
to the states and both taught at a martial arts studio in
California.  Even when I was a baby, they took me along.  I
was doing katas before I could walk.  I never lost my
interest in it and kept training and learning.  Later on I
started competing and even grew to love the whole discipline
aspect of it.  Southern California was a great place to be
for it.  Even in  nursing school at UCLA, I managed to keep
up my training and, when I was originally contacted by
Starfleet, they initially pegged me to actually teach. 
Then someone got the bright idea to get me to join.  I did
find the security training to be interesting.  I loved
learning a whole new field.  I'm afraid I'll never be the
crack shot some of the other security people are, and no
one can compare to Lt. Reed as a tactician.  But if you
need something done up close and personal, I'm your man.  I
can also help fix you up afterwards."

"Interesting.  Anyone you left behind at home when you joined
Enterprise?"

"No one specifically except my dad and some really good
friends.  My  mom was killed in a car accident of all
things, when I was 14.  I was dating an administrator at
San Francisco General where I worked for about a year but
we broke up almost a year ago.  He said he couldn't be
involved with someone who was going to be gallivanting
through space for years at a crack.  I could certainly see
his point even at the time.  No one serious since
then.... except... well."

I kept the last part under my breath.  I knew that the
captain and commander were good friends.  I didn't want my
abortive dating experience to get to him unless it was
needed.  The captain still looked a bit pensive so, jumping
in with both feet, I asked, "So how are you and Lt. Reed
doing, if you don't mind my asking, Captain?"

"Actually better than pretty good I believe.  I think we are
doing excellent.  I can't remember being in a relationship
that has meant this much to me."  Then if anything, the
captain looked more uncertain and started biting on his lip
a little.  I doubt he was even aware of it.  He looked
troubled to me.

"Captain, is there anything you might want to share.  I was
able to help before and if you want to talk, I'll listen
and it will remain just between us."

"Thank you, Dominic.  Normally I would talk about something
like this with Commander Tucker, but he has seemed
preoccupied these last several weeks and I haven't had the
time to really press him about it.  He hasn't talked about
anything though."  (I mentally kicked  myself for even
thinking of mentioning getting involved with the 
commander.)

"You're about 29, correct?" the captain asked.  I nodded in
the affirmative. "I guess I'm a little worried about the
age difference between Malcolm and myself.  I'm over ten
years older than he is.  He is far closer in age to someone
like Trip and even you than he is to me.  I wonder if he
might not eventually want to be with someone more his own
age than someone that much older than him."

If I was surprised by the captain's statement, I managed to
hide it.  I guess insecurity can strike anyone, even a guy
who just about saved the planet.  I was also a bit
surprised given how much Captain Archer and Lt. Reed seemed
to be in love.  Since I knew what was going on, it was
pretty clear that the two of them were crazy for each other.  
They were pretty subtle and discreet, but it was there.

"Captain, if I can be honest with you.  I've seldom seen a
pair who is more taken with each other than you and the
Lieutenant.  The both of you have been incredibly quiet
about it, a lot more than I could ever be.  But it is clear
to anyone who knows what to look for that Lt. Reed is
totally committed to you, and as far as I can tell, you are
to him.  In the social circles I ran around with in San 
Francisco, age differences such as between you and the
Lieutenant were fairly common.  They all seem to work fine. 
Often, those relationships seem to be stronger than ones
where people were more matched in age.  I wouldn't worry
too much if I were you.  But talk to the Lieutenant about
it, I'm sure he'll reassure you, and probably in a most
convincing manner."  I waggled my eyebrows at the captain 
at that comment, which got a laugh out of him. 

"Thank you for the reassurance, Dominic.  I really do
appreciate the encouragement.  I guess I'm still a little
insecure about the whole thing.  Keeping quiet about
something this important to me is not my  style; it makes me
feel on edge.  But it's important to Malcolm."

"And that is the important thing, that it's important to
him.  Personally, I'm glad that the Lieutenant has you. 
From what the more senior armory personnel have been
saying, Lt. Reed has been more relaxed and personable
recently, dating back to when you say the two of you got
together.   Everyone is speculating as to the cause, but no
one knows why.  I'm having a hysterical time keeping my
mouth shut.  My dad always said I was a sucker for true
love, and the two of you certainly have it.  Between you
and me though, I prefer a guy who is a bit more vivacious
and energetic, in public at least."

"I wouldn't worry too much about that part for Malcolm,
Dominic."  The captain said with a big grin.  "He's plenty
energetic when it counts."

"La la la la la la."  I did a little singsong with my fingers
in my ears.  "Too much information Captain.  There are some
things I don't need to know all the details of."

That did get a big laugh out of the captain.  Once he
finally settled down, he got a more serious look on his face
and said.  "Speaking of vivacious, how are you and
Commander Tucker doing?"

Now that comment caught me by surprise!  I'm not sure what
the look on my face was, but the captain certainly looked
like he was enjoying getting the drop on me as I did with
him weeks ago about him and the lieutenant.

"How did you know?"  My voice fairly squeaked.  "I thought
that since it has been so short a time, people wouldn't
notice."

"Trip and I have been friends for well over a decade and
have seen each other through a lot.  I can usually tell
when he is seeing someone, even if it is recent.  I just
wasn't expecting it to be you.  Now it's your turn to tell
me."  He got an evil grin on his face.

I never expected the captain to be a gossipmonger just like
the rest of us.  Oh well, I guess I would get to ask the
captain about his best friend after all.  With that mental
note, I began the short tale of my dating the commander. 
It made for an interesting time, noting the captain's
expressions as I told it.  He didn't react too much to my
story though till I told him about kissing the commander and
his subsequent reaction.  The captain just shook his head
at that point, which got my curiosity up. 

"What do you think, Captain?  At one time I was actually
going to ask you about the commander and if he was open to
dating guys.  But by then, his interest seemed so clear to
me I thought it was a moot point. Apparently not.  What is
up with him?  Can you tell me anything?" 

"I'm not sure exactly.  I honestly don't think Trip has a
problem with it. He has seen me through a small number of
involvements with other men and never blinked an eye- even
when he didn't particularly like one guy I was dating.  As
to his history, I know he was involved with another man
before he and I actually met over a decade ago, a classmate
when he was still in MIT, I believe.  He has never talked 
about it at all.  I know he has been with several men over
the years.  Very occasionally we would be partying and I
could see something develop between him and another guy.  A
few times it would lead to them spending the night
together, most times not.  As far as I know, none have ever
come to anything even short term.  He has been involved
with a few women during those years longer term as well.  
Several of those relationships have lasted over a year or
better.  I guess I'm not sure what to tell you, Dominic.  I
know Trip can be pretty flighty sometimes if it isn't
engineering related.  He also doesn't have the best record
for meeting personal issues head on.  I'm sorry that he
flaked out on you; I think you would be good for him. "

With that information, or lack thereof from the captain, I
decided I was going to chalk it up to some poor judgment on
my part, and Trip being mostly clueless.  Believe me, I've
seen it before and have always found it pretty annoying. 
Which was too bad, I really enjoyed my time with the
commander.  The fact that I found it to be so, and was
still bummed by its outcome made me think I was more
attracted to the commander than I initially thought.

With that thought, the door to the lounge opened and Lt.
Reed stuck his head in.  As soon as he saw the captain, his
face lit up like a Christmas tree and the captain got a 200
watt smile on his.  I realized who Captain Archer had been
hoping to find when he came here.  Seeing the two of them
together, I knew that the captain didn't have anything to
worry about regarding his relationship with the lieutenant. 
Wanting to give them some time alone, I stood, thanked the
captain and said goodnight to Lt. Reed.  He gave me a 
slight smile and I could see the thanks in his eyes as I was 
leaving.  The last thing I saw before I headed out the door
was the lieutenant dropping down onto the sofa next to the
captain.

---

The away mission had been a rather nice, quiet success. 
There were plenty of samples both vegetable and insectoid
for Cutler;  mineral for Rostov and the engineering
people.  Some of the mineral samples were a bit unstable so
we had packed them tight.  The captain was flying the
shuttle pod and I was riding security.  It had been a slow 
time again and hence I was not too upset that the captain
was off the ship doing what I considered unnecessary and
risky tasks.  Plus, he told me, he needed to log some
flight time just like everyone else.  And we got to spend
some time together off the ship as well.  Given everything,
I finally acquiesced to his reasoning for him to go.  Not 
that he couldn't have just ordered me, but I have finally
gotten Jonathan to listen when I voice my security
concerns.  If I had known that getting involved with him
and banging him silly was all it took, I would have done it
ages ago.  When we were finally ready to leave the ship,
Jonathan was like a little kid who got finally got to ride 
the roller coaster in the park.  I have to admit that his
enthusiasm is one of the things I so love about him. 

When we finished two days later and were ready to head back
to the ship, I began to relax.  I should have known that it
was too good to be true.  We were heading for the upper
atmosphere when we got an emergency call.

"Enterprise to Shuttlepod One." We could hear T'Pol's voice. 
"We are tracking another ship bearing down on your
location.  Please exercise caution."

Jonathan and I
exchanged a look and he hit the comm. to reply and I slid
into the Ops position to scan for another ship.

"Acknowledged, Archer out."

As if on cue, suddenly the air around the shuttle pod lit up
with explosions, buffeting the pod as it was trying to
climb.  The next thing that happened was a loud bang and the
shuttle lurched to one side and began to descend.  I could
see a very large ship off to one side of the pod, shooting
at us.  I began to curse in the back of my mind and just as
quickly as they came, they sped away from us and headed up 
through the planetary atmosphere into space.  Jonathan was
fighting with the controls, trying to keep us on a stable
course. 

"We're not going to be able to break atmosphere here
everyone.  Enterprise is out of reach.  I'm going to try and
get us down in one piece.  Rostov, Cutler, Malcolm- get to
the back of the pod and brace yourselves.  Now."  Jonathan
used his 'Captain's voice' so I knew he meant business.  I
could see the heads up display on possible damage and how
he was fighting with the controls and I knew we were in for
a bad ride.

The shuttlepod gave another hard lurch to the side and I
could feel Jonathan fighting not to lose control of the
pod.  When it started dropping at a precipitous rate, I
knew we were in trouble.  I could see the instrument
readouts indicating that more than half of the  main jets
were out.  With those inoperative, the shuttlepod had little 
lift to keep it in the sky and, with the stabilizer wings
damaged, we had the aerodynamics of a brick.  A very large
and heavy brick. 

"Hang on people; this is not going to be pretty," Jonathan
yelled to us in the back of the shuttle pod.  The ground
was approaching us at a breakneck pace.  With that, he
wrenched at the controls and flipped the pod over and fired
the main engines.  The deceleration forces hit us like a
giant fist.  Jonathan was trying to balance the shuttle 
down on its tail and using what was left of the main drive
to break our momentum.  How he was doing this maneuvering
was beyond me.  He was originally trained as a pilot and he
was damn good.  I dared not say anything to him for fear of
breaking his concentration.  The ground was still coming up
at us fast and the shuttle shook and rattled as if it were
being buffeted by a tornado.  I was just hoping that we
wouldn't end up as a very large hole in the ground. 

Then to add insult to injury, several of the control panels
along the side of the shuttle began to short out, smoking
and sparking.  We were all starting to cough and Jonathan
was sweating in concentration.  He had somehow managed to
break the momentum of our descent and was using the few
remaining stabilizer jets to try and land us upright and in
one piece.

I could see that we were about 20 feet off the ground,
Jonathan had the shuttle just about oriented right to set
us down.  Then the landing thrusters gave up the ghost and
we hit the ground hard.  I briefly heard Jonathan scream in
pain and then everything went blank

---

I woke on the floor of the shuttle, and found it filled with
smoke.   Not only that, but as soon as I tried to move my
arm, it shrieked in pain.  Gritting my teeth, I
managed to get myself partially upright, enough to see
through the smoke.  My right arm hung limp and useless, so
I managed to jam my hand into a pocket and pulled the 
zipper up to hold it there.  I must have broken my arm and
possibly my shoulder when the shuttle finally hit the
ground.  It sure felt like I broke something; they both
hurt like hell!  I staggered over to the hatch and tried to
get it open, but the damned thing was jammed.  I could see
Rostov, Cutler, and Malcolm all unconscious in the back of
the shuttle.  I could barely tell that they were still 
alive.  I had to get us out of here.  I hit the open switch
with my good hand and then kicked the hatch for all I was
worth.  It popped open with a loud ping, and the smoke
began to pour out.  Two of the control panels were still
smoking and sparking, making it difficult to see even with
the hatch open.  I knew a fire was imminent.

I tried yelling at all three of them to see if anyone was
even partially conscious.  Nothing.  I grabbed Cutler with
my good arm and half carried, half dragged her out of the
shuttle and got her a slight distance away.  For once, I
thanked God I'm one of the bigger guys on the ship.  The
clear air felt good in my abused lungs, but the pain in my
right arm and shoulder was only getting worse.  My eyes 
were starting to get fuzzy and it wasn't just from the
smoke.  I knew I didn't have much time left.  Trying to get
back into the shuttle, I banged my injured shoulder on the
door and almost passed out.  I staggered over to Malcolm
and Rostov, noting that Rostov was closer.  He is a bigger
guy than Malcolm so I grabbed the front of his coverall and
dragged him to the hatch.  Wrestling him out of it took  all
my diminished strength and I managed to get him over to
Cutler. 

Trying to get back to the shuttle, I fell and couldn't get
myself up again.  My mind was screaming at me to get
Malcolm out of there.   With a groan, I levered myself onto
my knees and got to my feet.  I was going to get Malcolm
out of there or die trying, literally.  I could barely see
the shuttle through the haze and blurred vision.  I managed
to get into the shuttle one last time and was lifting Malcolm up when 
the control panel nearest me gave out a flash of fire that
caught my bad arm and shoulder and my whole right side.  I
screamed like one of the damned.  I managed to duck my head
and protect it, but I could smell burnt flesh and see my
uniform charred.  Shielding Malcolm from it, I knew I needed to
get him out now or it would be too late.  I gathered him in
my good arm as best I could and staggered to the hatch.  We 
literally fell out of it onto the ground.  The pain
threatened to drag me down, but I shoved it to the back of
my mind.  Nothing was going to stop me till I got him safe. 
I grabbed the front of his uniform and half crawled away
from the shuttle dragging him with me.  One more flash and
the whole interior of the shuttle was bathed in flames.

I got Malcolm over to the other two.  How long it took me I
have no idea.  Rostov started coughing violently and looked
like he was starting to come around.  I crawled up to him
and checked him, trying to get him to wake up.  That was it
for me.  Blackness surged up all  around and took me away.

---

"Rostov to Enterprise, come in.  We have a medical
emergency, repeat  medical emergency.  Shuttlepod One is out
of commission and the captain is injured."  Rostov's
panicked voice echoed over the bridge.

"Acknowledged Mr. Rostov.  We are sending help.  Please
continue transmitting so we can pinpoint your location. 
The second shuttle with Dr. Phlox is on its way.  Mr.
Carter will be transporting down immediately to render
assistance." 

For once T'Pol's calm, dispassionate voice was welcome. 
Phlox and I had heard the communication from the planet's
surface and could only speculate as to the captain's injuries. 
Before T'Pol had even got the call from the away team,
Enterprise had determined the approximate  site where the
shuttlepod had crash landed.  Apparently, some type of 
mineral formation at the site was causing interference,
preventing anyone from transporting down directly to them.
The closest they could get anyone was almost two miles
away.  I was going to beam down as close as possible and
run to the away team site.  I had my emergency medical
backpack ready to go at the Transporter.  Commander Tucker
was already there as I came dashing in.  He helped me get
the backpack on.

"I'm setting you as close as I can get.  This may be rough
and you'll still have a bit of a trek."  His eyes had a
distinct look of worry  in them- I'm sure for the captain
and the away team.  "Be careful Dominic, don't you get hurt
too." 

As much as I appreciated the commander's concern for me,
this was not the time.  I looked hard at him and told him. 
"Please commander, I'll be careful.  We've got injured
people I need to get to.  Do it."

I disappeared from the transporter pad and reappeared in a
rocky meadow.  I took one look at my communicator, noted
the direction and distance and took off at a fast jog.  I
ran at a pace I knew I could maintain.  It wouldn't help
the away team any for me to sprint the distance and arrive
half dead.  It did help knowing I'd get there far faster
this way than if I had ridden the shuttle with Phlox.

It was minutes later that I got to the crash site. 
Commander Tucker must have really pushed it to get me this
close.  I didn't even want to consider what might have
happened if he had calculated wrong.

I came to a stop in front of Rostov and Lt. Reed.  Cutler
was on her knees trying her best to take care of the
captain.  He was unconscious, sweaty, and clearly burned
over part of the right side of his body.  I glanced over
the other three and did a quick assessment.  They all
seemed to be relatively okay; no visible injuries and
barely coughing.  They all said they were good.  Probably
only some smoke inhalation for them.  I pulled the medical 
backpack off and threw myself down next to the captain.  I
took my phase pistol out of my back holster and handed it
to Lt. Reed. 

"Take this, Lieutenant.  You and Rostov secure a
perimeter if you  can."  I pulled a second pistol out of the
top of the backpack and handed it to Rostov.  I could see
that Malcolm wanted to stay with  he captain, but frankly,
he would just get in the way and I  wanted him to
feel useful.  He knew better than to argue with me in a 
medical emergency situation.  Cutler would be better to assist me
initially due to her medical training.  When I got the
captain conscious, then I would need the lieutenant by his
side.

I played a portable scanner over the captain.  Broken right
arm and shoulder, second and third degree burns over his
right side, and possible concussion.  I hurried to get into
the pack and pulled out some meds; a broad spectrum
antibiotic, a pain killer, and a vascular stabilizer.  I
jammed them into a hypospray and gave them to the captain
quickly.  His breathing, which had been pretty ragged up to 
this point, evened out and his face relaxed markedly, even
while unconscious.  I pulled out a spray container of burn
foam. 

"Cutler, help me turn him a little onto his left side.  I
need to get at these burns."  She was a real trooper,
slapping on the sterile  gloves I tossed to her and helping
me turn the captain.  With that done, I whipped out a
scissors and began to cut away the captain's uniform where
he had been burned.  I got off as much as I could, debrided
the rest, and then cleaned off the burned areas.  Using the 
spray, I covered all the burns.  It was a specially developed 
antiseptic, covering the burned tissue and which then semi-hardens 
into 
a cushioned  surface, preventing further infection.  It also has a
topical anesthetic for pain.  Next I pulled out a small
package that can be molded to a splint and set his arm,
covered it with the splint and got it in place.  I affixed
his shoulder as best I could.  Finally we got him as
comfortable as we could manage under the circumstances. 
Only then, after all the painful manipulating had been done,
did I want to try and wake him.

I called Lt. Reed and Rostov over.  I wanted to take a look
at all of them as well.  After scanning the three, it was
just as I had surmised; nothing serious for any of them except
for some smoke inhalation and a slight concussion for Rostov. 
He would need to be checked out  later.  I asked Cutler to
see if she could salvage anything from the shuttle and gave
Rostov a mild analgesic.  He continued checking out the
area.  Malcolm helped me with the captain.

"Lieutenant, I need you here with me.  I'm going to try and
wake the captain.  I want you to talk to him and help me
keep him awake.  He'll be hopped up on painkiller so he'll
need you to help keep him oriented and conscious."

Malcolm just nodded his head at me and took up a spot by the 
captain's head and held his good hand.  I prepped another
hypo for him and administered it.  After about a minute he
looked as if he were coming back to consciousness.

"Talk to him, Lieutenant.  Let him know you're here and that
he is going to be okay."

"Jonathan, can you hear me?  We need you to wake up." 
Malcolm had started stroking his head, holding his
uninjured hand, and brushing his hair out of his eyes.  The
captain's eyes fluttered open and he looked at me, then he
managed to shift his head a little towards the sound of
Malcolm's voice.  His eyes were aware but awfully 
unfocussed.

"God, I feel terrible."  He managed to croak.  "What
happened?  Is everyone all right?"

"As near as we can tell Jonathan, you managed to get the
shuttle down  and us out of it before its interior went up
in flames.  You got the worst of the injuries: burns, a
broken arm and shoulder, and a concussion.  Carter beamed down
from the ship and Phlox is on his way  with the other
shuttle.  We've got you stabilized now.  You're going to be
alright.  Carter is right here.  We'll be with you all the 
time."

I saw the strain Lt. Reed was under, keeping himself under
control so as not to panic the captain and help keep him
calm and conscious.  I could tell he was worried almost
sick, but he kept it together,  talking to the captain and
getting him to respond back.  He stayed in place, keeping
in physical contact with him.  I decided I could move away
just a bit to give them at least a little privacy.

Using my communicator, I managed to reach Phlox.  I went
over all that had happened and the state of everyone.  I
then transmitted the entire scanner readings on everyone to
him.  He was more than half way there in the other shuttle
with Mayweather at the controls.  Phlox said that Travis
was shaving it pretty close, getting to us as fast as
possible, but he didn't protest.  We had nothing to do now
but wait.

---

Phlox, Commander Tucker and T'Pol were gathered in a small
group discussing the Captain's condition; I was hanging
around the edge  paying close attention.  I went over to the
comm. and quietly paged, "Lieutenant Reed, please report to
Sickbay immediately." 

Going back to the small group, I asked them to please put a
hold on their discussion till he was able to get here. 
Phlox and T'Pol were unaware of the relationship between
the Captain and Lt. Reed and Commander Tucker was obviously
too distraught to remember to take him into account.  With
that, Lt. Reed just about burst through the door.  It
looked as if he had run all the way from the armory.

"How is the Captain?"  he asked, slightly out of breath. 
"Thank you for contacting me, Mr. Carter."

"I asked the Lieutenant to come so that we can check if
there are any security concerns here with the Captain's
treatment, especially if he is going to be out of
commission for several days at least."

Phlox and T'Pol
looked at me a little strangely, but I was unconcerned.  It 
was the best I could come up with on short notice to get Lt.
Reed down here.  He needed to hear what we were planning to
do for the Captain.  He visibly composed himself and gave
me a look of utter gratitude.  He knew that I got him down
here with an essentially made up reason, but there was no
way I was going to let him be out of the loop on the treatment
the captain, especially since the others didn't know about
their relationship.

"As I was beginning to explain", Phlox went on, "Normal
tissue regeneration techniques should take care of the
captain's injuries fairly easily.  Unfortunately, the
captain is one of the few humans with a genetic makeup
that causes problems with the regeneration process. 
Normally in small injuries, it can be circumvented, but with 
the extensive nerve and tissue regeneration needed for his
burns and bone regeneration for his arm and shoulder
fractures, regular methods of pain control are not
effective.  Basically, the Captain will be in a severe
amount of pain from his burns as the multiple treatments 
interfere with pain medication."  With those comments, both
Lt. Reed and Commander Tucker paled visibly, Trip
especially.  They both knew how painful burns can be.

"I do have a possible solution however.  I propose that we
render the captain unconscious for the time it will take
for the bulk of the regeneration to occur, approximately
five to six days.  He would essentially be in a coma till
he is almost recovered.  It will allow the regeneration to
proceed uninhibited by drug interaction and he will be
unable to register any pain during the process."

"Are there any dangers to the captain, anything that could
happen to him?"  Lt. Reed asked, managing to keep his voice
calm and composed.

"There are always possible complications that can occur, but
I believe that with careful monitoring, they can be
prevented.  It is the best solution  I can come up
with.  I do not want the captain to suffer needlessly
and Mr. Carter and I will be constantly monitoring him."

"What does the cap'n say to all this?  Trip asked.  "He
should at least be aware of what is happening."

"I was just about to wake him and inform him about the options
we currently have."  Phlox replied.  With that, he moved
over to the biobed that held Captain Archer and prepped a
hypo.  Both the lieutenant and commander went with him. 

As the captain started to wake up, I knew he was going to be
hurting in a major way.  Burns are some of the most painful
injuries one can have and the ones on his arm and side were
fairly deep.  With that, the captain came awake fully and
his breath hissed as he began to try to focus through
the pain.  The first face he saw was Commander Tucker.

"... the ship?"  he barely whispered.

"Doing fine, Cap'n.  No damage anywhere.  We are good to go."

"Mal...?"  He tried to turn his head, but ended up grimacing in
pain

"Right here Captain.  We are all fine; you got us out of the
shuttle in time.  Just a little smoke but nothing serious." 
Malcolm was looking for some place on Jonathan that he
could touch without causing him further pain.  The captain
tried to reach his uninjured  hand over to him but didn't
succeed, it fell onto his abdomen.  Malcolm had to settle
with putting his hand over Jonathan's.

"I got you out..." the captain wheezed.  Then he was seized by
a wracking cough that left him pale and sweating, his eyes
starting to glaze over.  "Knew you'd kill me if I didn't
get... others out first."

"I understand Captain, and yes, I would have."  The
lieutenant locked eyes with the captain in intense
concentration and didn't look away.  As if he were trying to
draw the pain out the captain by will alone.  "You need to
rest.  Phlox is going to put you under for several days to
aid your healing.  When you wake up you'll feel a lot 
better."

"Okay... Malc..?"  With that the Lieutenant bent down and the
captain whispered in his ear.  I saw Lt. Reed turn
literally white as a sheet.  I got over to him as fast as I
was able and sat him down.  He looked as if he were ready to
collapse.  I heard him whisper, "Oh Jon." 

Phlox came bustling up at that point and gave the captain a
very quick update on all that had been discussed.  The
captain gave his okay and Phlox pulled out a hypo he had
ready for the captain.  "Here we go Captain.  We will keep
you comfortable.  The ship will be fine.  Time for you to go
to sleep." 

Captain Archer's eyes had never left the lieutenant, but he
nodded imperceptibly to Phlox, who administered the meds to
him.  Five seconds later, his eyelids dropped and we could
see him visibly relax.  Phlox spent the next ten minutes
getting the captain exactly how he wanted him and set up
for monitoring.  I took Lt. Reed and surreptitiously
checked him out.  I ran a quick scan over him just to make
sure.  Sure enough, just stress and worry.  I made sure he
was as comfortable as I could get him and nodded to
Commander Tucker to come over and sit with him.  Then I
went over to assist Phlox.

Later that evening, as I returned to sick bay to monitor the
captain, I brought dinner for Lt. Reed, who had never left
the captain's side, sitting in a chair next to his biobed.

"Lieutenant- eat."  I handed the tray to him fully expecting
a fight  about it.  But he surprised me, taking the tray
quietly, setting it on his lap and began to eat one of the
sandwiches I brought.  His heart obviously wasn't in it, but
at least he was eating.  A few  minutes later, Commander
Tucker came to check on the captain and Lt. Reed.  I gave
him a quick update on the Captain's condition, conferred
with him for a short while and asked him to talk to the 
Lieutenant.

"Hi Malcolm," Trip spoke with a hesitant look.  "Carter tells
me that so far the Cap'n is doing pretty good, out like a
light and starting to heal already.  How are you doin'? 
And if you tell me fine, I'll have Dominic here sedate you
and strap you down in a biobed next to Jon."

Malcolm gave him a quiet sigh and looked like he was arguing
with himself over something.  Probably over how much to
tell Trip about what he was really feeling.  Trip told me
once that he swore Malcolm could be so tight lipped at
times,he wanted to smack him upside the head, just to jar
something loose.  Then Malcolm obviously came to some sort
of conclusion and breathed out.  He just seemed to deflate 
after that and spoke with a sort of quiet, dejected voice.

"I'm doing okay, Trip.  I'm just terribly worried about
Jonathan and upset with myself.  Until Carter got to us, we
didn't have anything to treat him with down on the planet. 
With his injuries, I honestly don't know how he got us out
of the shuttlepod.  That should have been my job, saving
us, saving him, but I was unconscious and couldn't help
him," he added with bitterness in his words. 

"You know what he told me, just before Phlox put him under? 
He said that if he hadn't been able to save me, to get me
out of the pod, he would have gone back in to try and get
me out anyway.  He didn't want to be without me.  He said
he loves me.  And I...I feel like I failed  him."  With that
statement, Malcolm hung his head and was obviously trying
not to cry.  Even so, his eyes started to tear up and he had
to wipe them. 

Overhearing all this, I was momentarily stunned.  I knew the
Captain had gotten pretty attached, but I had no real idea
that he felt that strongly about the Lieutenant.  Trip just
wrapped his arm around Malcolm's shoulder to give him
someone to lean on. 

"Malcolm, Jon would have given his life to save you; he
loves you that much.  You know that.  And he knows that you
would do the same if the situation was reversed.  Hell,
you've tried it on any number of occasions.  And don't
think he didn't worry about you all those times either. 
But he had to let you do your job just like you've got to
let him do his.  You were unconscious, Malcolm; Jon wouldn't 
believe, even for a second that you failed him.  So don't
you even begin to think that.  He got you all out because
that's what he does."

At that I figured I needed to do something so I grabbed a
blanket for Trip to wrap around him.  Malcolm obviously
knew I heard the gist of their little conversation, but said
nothing.  Trip stole a glance at me with an appraising
look.

I then indicated with my head for the two of them to look at
the entrance to Sickbay.  There stood Commander T'Pol with
her eyebrows  raised slightly.  She looked like she always
does, calm and collected.  Malcolm saw her and immediately
stood up to attention. 

"Lieutenant Reed, I couldn't help hearing your short
conversation with Commander Tucker regarding the Captain."

Lt. Reed audibly gasped and turned red.  His eyes got a
hunted look in them, almost like a wild animal that had
been hunted down.  "I can explain, Commander."

"There is no need, Lieutenant," she replied serenely.  "I
was unaware that you and the Captain had entered into a
romantic relationship.  If recent events were not so
severe, I would be giving you my congratulations.  How long
have you and the Captain been involved?

"Explicitly, about several months or so now."

T'Pol nodded as if she knew exactly what he meant.  "Indeed,
that long?"  Her right eyebrow went up.  "You and the
Captain have been extremely discreet.  I did not believe
Captain Archer to be capable of such control.  I regret
that I did not automatically include you in the discussion
of the Captain's health and treatment.  I will not make
that mistake again.

"It's quite alright, Commander.  We didn't want people to
know just yet."

"As you wish, Lieutenant.  This does change a particular
issue I was going to bring up with Commander Tucker
however."  With that Trip perked up his ears.  "I believe
Lieutenant, that you are still technically off duty until
tomorrow.  If Dr. Phlox clears you, I would like you to be
on half time for the next several days."  Malcolm  began to
protest at the supposed favoritism, but T'Pol stopped him. 
"I believe that in the interests of greater efficiency, 
training, and smooth operations, your seconds in command of
the Armory and the Tactical department can assume more
responsibility for a short while.  The exposure to greater
responsibility and command  will benefit both them and the
ship.  The Captain will benefit by the additional
monitoring you can render.  In addition, when it comes time
for the Captain to be awakened, I believe you would be well 
served with the extra rest.  I have noticed that when the
Captain is sick or indisposed, he is almost as obstinate
and ill tempered as you are, Lieutenant.  After he is awake,
he will require assistance for at least a short while.  He
will also no doubt be extremely irritating.  I would prefer
knowing that the Captain is in good hands during that time. 
Do you feel up to the task, Lieutenant?"

"Yes Commander, I do" replied Malcolm.  Commander Tucker
and I smiled to each other at how neatly T'Pol had
outmaneuvered him.  Who could argue with her logic?

"Of that, Lieutenant, I have no doubt.  I believe the proper 
admonition is 'good luck to you'.  I believe you will need
it.  Now I must get back to the bridge.  Please inform me
if there is any change in the Captain's condition.  Good
day, gentlemen."

With that, she turned on her heel and left sickbay.

---

It was the sixth day with the captain unconscious.  So far
he had had few complications, nothing Phlox couldn't deal
with.  The regeneration process was almost fully complete,
his bones knitted together and most of the burned areas
totally regenerated.  Phlox was planning to wake him 
later in the day.  Lt. Reed was still here.  He usually
came early in the morning and later at night.  He seemed to
avoid any of the times of the day that the rest of the crew
came in to visit.  If I thought that the crew respected
Captain Archer before, I was even more convinced now. 
Rostov and Cutler both had been telling everyone who would
listen how the captain had saved all their lives. 
Virtually every crewman either came to see how he was doing
or sent someone to inquire.  Phlox had to enforce visiting 
hours.  Interestingly, he seemed to exempt Lt. Reed and
Commander Tucker from that ruling.  I didn't feel it was fair to
the lieutenant that people didn't know he was involved with
the captain.  I know he would have been terribly
embarrassed, but I believe everyone would have been
supportive.  It sure would have helped him.  So I took some
time to sit with him and talk a bit.

"Lieutenant Reed, how are you doing?  You're here a little
late today.  Is everything alright?"

"I'm fine."  I rolled my eyes at that one from the
lieutenant.  I had experience myself with just how 'fine'
he could be.  "No really, I  feel alright.  I'm simply
anxious.  If, as you say, Phlox wants to wake up Jonathan
tonight, I need to be here for that.  But I can't think of
a way to do that without having Phlox know what is going on 
between the two of us.  I just don't feel comfortable with
many people knowing about Jonathan and myself.  I have
heard about too many relationship disasters happening in
Starfleet.  It can be so hurtful if things don't work out. 
I still worry that Jonathan might think  better of the whole
situation at some point and call it off and then where
would I be?  I know myself well enough to know I would be 
devastated if that happened."

"I guess that our relationship isn't any kind of a secret to
you.  Jonathan told me that the two of you are becoming
friends, and about the advice you gave him after we first got
together.  I can't begin to thank you enough Mr. Carter,
for your discretion.  It is really important to me and
Jonathan that we have some privacy concerning our relationship."

I could tell Lt. Reed was still bothered by telling me even
that much about him and the captain.  I personally felt
that the secrecy about their relationship was far more
important to him than to the captain.  I was also a little
worried that he could still be troubled by the fear that
the captain would call it off with him.  As if that were
going to happen!?!  God, this guy needed some serious
talking to.

"Lieutenant, please, my friends call me Dominic.  'Mr.
Carter' is my father.  And while I really like my dad, I
have my own name.  I would like to think that we are at
least sort of friends, so you don't need to be so formal."

"Very well, Dominic.  I'm glad you like your father.  I'm
sorry about the formality. That is just the way I was
brought up.  Please, call me Malcolm, at least here in
Sickbay."

"All right then, Malcolm.  Concerning tonight, you have even
more of a right to be here than anyone else.  Just show up.  If
Phlox questions it, tell him to talk to me.  I don't think
that he is as much in the dark about the two of you as you think." 
Malcolm looked a little surprised at that, but I continued.

"As for you and the captain, I've seldom seen two people who
care about each other more than the two of you.  Phlox,
Mayweather, Commander Tucker, and I have been analyzing the
flight data from the shuttlepod and subsequent crash. 
Mayweather swears he has no real idea how the captain did
what he did, getting the shuttle down in one piece.  He
says what the captain did is going to go to Starfleet to 
incorporate into their flight training.  He called it, and I 
quote "some kick ass piece of flying".  Phlox and I have
been looking at the recordings to see if we can determine
how the captain got so badly hurt when the rest of you came
away with virtually no injuries.  Near as we can make out,
the impact threw him against a wall and then the floor. 
That's when he broke his arm and shoulder.  When he came
to, he got Cutler and then Rostov out of the shuttle 
despite the smoke and his own injuries.  He came back for
you last because you were furthest away from the hatch. 
When the panel exploded and sprayed him with flame, he used
his body to protect you.  I don't think he knew exactly
what he was doing at that point.   But I seriously doubt
there was anything that would have stopped him from
rescuing you."  I stopped for a second to let my comments
sink in.

"And even when I was treating him on the planet and with
Phlox here in sickbay, he never really stopped asking about
how you were till he  saw you.  You might not have noticed,
but his eyes never left you  till he was unconscious."

Malcolm didn't say much after that, just sat and absorbed
what I had said.  We sat in companionable silence for a
little while.  Finally, I spoke again.

"You know Malcolm, just because one is in the military or
Starfleet is no reason for relationships have to go sour. 
You forget; I grew  up in a military family, on both sides. 
I've seen good stuff happen to people.  Your relationship
with the captain is not really any of my business, but I
would like to tell you a little story, if it's okay with
you."

Malcolm looked at me and nodded his assent. 

"Before my parents even met, my dad's best friend was
another superior officer.  'Uncle' Wally and my dad were
always getting into something.  Neither would ever tell me
exactly how they got to be friends.  My dad said he would
be too embarrassed.  Anyway, when he first met my mom he
thought she was way out of his league.  Wally, who was a
captain at the time, managed to convince him otherwise and 
the rest with my mom and dad is history.  Then, at their
wedding, one of mom's friends in the Israeli army, Major
Eytan Foller, met Wally and, according to him, it was love
at first sight.  He and Wally were married the next year. 
Mom always said she never saw so many uniforms in one
place.  Uncle Eytan and Uncle Wally were always fixtures
around our house since I can remember.  They were 
inseparable.  Soon after they got married, Eytan left the
army and worked in an engineering firm, but Wally stayed. 
He is a colonel now but, back then, they lived close to us. 
Mom and Eytan were out together one time and the accident
that took her life killed him as well.  I was 14 at the
time.  Uncle Wally was the rock both me and my dad leaned
on, even though he was grieving Eytan.  We all recovered.  
Wally told me he wouldn't have traded his time with Eytan
for the world.  He eventually got on with life.  I actually
introduced him to one of my instructors at Starfleet
academy just before I left with Enterprise and they started
dating.  Last I heard from him in a letter two weeks ago is
that they are getting serious."

"So the point of my little story here is that good things
can happen,  and people can be happy, even military people. 
You and the captain have just as much right to it together
as anyone I know.  Don't let your fear get in the way of
that."

Malcolm looked at me and nodded his agreement.  Hopefully, I
had given him something to think about.  Then he looked
down and started to speak quietly to me.

"I really do appreciate you telling me this, Dominic.  I
think you've figured out that I'm not the most confident
individual when it comes to relationships.  I love
Jonathan more than anyone I've ever been  with.  When we
were starting out, I was full of confidence about us, 
almost despite myself.  But I can still doubt how much he
cares about me sometimes, despite all evidence to the
contrary."

I could feel just how difficult it was for Malcolm to make
these statements about himself.  I knew from working with
him in security  that he was a very private individual. 
What I didn't suspect really till now was how he had used
that reputation to help cover his own insecurity and
self-doubt.  My estimation of the captain in breaking 
through that reserve, and having the strength to deal with
it, rose another notch.

As if to echo what I had just been thinking, Malcolm spoke
again.

"I know Jonathan values your friendship, Dominic, as do I. 
I may not be able to express it very much, but your help to
us both, and support for me means a great deal.  I'm not
used to people helping me or for me to accept that help.  I
also never like to interfere in other people's affairs, but
I wanted to ask you something."

"Go ahead." 

"How are you and Commander Tucker doing?"  Noting my
slightly shocked expression, he hastened to add.  "And
before you answer, I want you to know that I'm not just
asking for curiosity sake.  Jonathan didn't tell me a thing
about it, I asked him.  I just observed that the two of you
were keeping company a lot recently and you both seemed to
be getting very friendly, and I know how Trip usually
operates. Then it stopped.  I do respect you very highly
and was hoping that he had finally found someone who would
matter to him. 

I guess I was more than a little taken aback by the
astuteness of his question.  Plus, I was a bit pissed that
everyone seemed to be aware of the Commander and I.  I
thought ruefully that perhaps Malcolm  wasn't the only one
to whom privacy mattered.  My mental vehemence about the
whole little affair and its outcome showed me that it still 
rankled, if I was honest with myself.  I was also a little
upset about Malcolm being aware of my feelings regarding
the commander, but then I thought of how he must feel with
me knowing what I do regarding him and the captain so I
kept my mouth shut.

I decided I might as well tell him what I told Captain
Archer regarding Trip and I.  Even though the Lieutenant
is technically my commanding officer when I work security,
my position is a nebulous  one; it varies depending on what
I am doing.  So I didn't think that confiding in him was
violating any regulations.  And, as I told him, I like to
think we are at least sort of friends.  The story didn't 
take too long to tell.  By the end of it, I was actually
hoping that Malcolm could shed some light on Trip's
actions. 

Malcolm thought about all I had said and seemed to ponder it
for a minute or two, then spoke.

"I would like to say I know what Trip was doing or thinking
but I can't, exactly.  I do know that he went through
something with Commander T'Pol recently that affected him
quite significantly.  Last year during the Xindi mission,
Trip lost his sister in the initial attack.  It turned him
into something I had never seen in him, vicious and
vengeful.  He pushed away his friends and people who tried
to help, even the captain.  I can't begin to tell you how
much that hurt me and Jonathan, to watch it happen and not
be able to help.  Eventually, Trip came out of it, started
to heal, and became again the person we had known."

"What I want you to know is how Trip befriended me
initially.  I was new to Enterprise and everyone on it.  I
was incredibly lonely, but didn't really know how to start
making friends.  I wasn't even sure if I wanted friends. 
Then I met Trip and after a few big arguments to mark our
territory, without so much as 'by your leave', he just 
bulldozed his way into my life and made himself my friend. 
He pulled me out of my little world of self imposed
solitude.  Ultimately, it was one of the best things that
has ever happened to me.  He helped  me open up to other
people and make friends.  If Trip had not been there, I
seriously doubt I would be able to have the relationship I 
have now with Jonathan.  I wouldn't have had the courage or
developed the wherewithal to even attempt it with him."

"I guess what I am trying to say is that, despite things,
Trip is a wonderful man, someone who I am proud to call my
friend.  He is worth it.  Please don't write him off just
yet."

Hearing this from Lt. Reed, who has probably made an art
form of self- effacement, certainly gave me pause.  Maybe I
should rethink how I would relate to the commander now. 
Perhaps I could start by thinking  of him as Trip again and
not 'Commander Tucker', at least when we were off duty. 

I told Malcolm as much and he nodded in agreement. "That's
all I can  ask.  I need to get to the bridge for my shift
today.  I will see you  later in the evening.  Thank you
very much Dominic, for all your  help, and for listening."

"See you in the evening then, Malcolm.  I need to go check
on the captain again.  Wouldn't want to delay waking him
up, now would we?"

"I certainly hope not.  I miss him too much to wait any
longer.  I even miss his snoring.  It is strangely
comforting at night.  But don't tell him I said that."

"The Captain snores, huh?"  I filed that one away for future 
reference.  "I'm sure that wherever his mind is, he misses
you too."

With smiles on both our faces, we parted company.

---

It was later in the evening when Phlox had decided to wake
the captain.  Only he and I, along with Trip and Malcolm,
were present.  T'Pol was still on the bridge and Phlox had
been adamant about not having a crowd.

The captain had come through his treatment and days of 
unconsciousness pretty well.  As far as we could tell from
the scans, his bones were all knit and the burns had almost
totally healed with the skin and underlying tissues
regenerated.  The real test would be  hen the captain awoke
and how he would feel.  We got him as ready and comfortable
as we could.  I could tell Malcolm was all but holding his
breath in anticipation and worry.  I just glanced at Trip 
and he saw my look, went over to Malcolm and spoke quietly
to him.  Malcolm shot me an annoyed glance, but I just
ignored it. 

Finally, Phlox had everything how he wanted it.  He had a
hypospray at the ready and I swear he looked like a
magician ready to pull a rabbit out of his hat.  He quickly
administered the meds to the captain.  We all stood around
with bated breath just like kids at Christmas, eagerly
waiting to see what we got.  Slowly, Jonathan seemed to be
coming around.  Then his eyes opened and his focus hit on
Malcolm and you could see the recognition flow back into his 
eyes.  He got a big smile on his face.  Then, just as if he
had had a second thought, he slowly pulled his right hand up to
his head and scrubbed his hair.

"God, I'm tired.  I feel awful.  My arm aches and I really,
really want a shower," he said with a petulant tone.  Then
he started  giggling.  Not laughing, chortling, snickering,
or chuckling, but giggling just like a little kid.  He got
a happy look on his face and said to Malcolm, "Maybe we can
take one together."  Then he started giggling again.

To say that Malcolm was stunned was the biggest
understatement I've come across in a long time.  I don't
think I've ever seen him at such a loss for words.  He
turned around and glared at Phlox, who had the good grace
to look slightly nonplussed at the captain.

"Perhaps I put a little too much pain killer in the mix. 
What is the term you use, Commander- happy juice?  I wanted
to make sure that the captain was comfortable when he
returned to consciousness.  Not to worry Lieutenant, it
will work its way out his system in several hours and then
he will back to normal."  He then proceeded to do a full
scan and to assess the extent of his healing.  Everything
looked good from what I could see.

He directed his attention back to the captain and addressed 
him.  "Lieutenant Reed has been charged with keeping you
company and assisting you with your recovery, Captain.  I
expect him to be attentive to your needs and for you to be
good and not overdue it as is your usual pattern.  I'm
going to let you sleep for several hours.  You've been
unconscious these past days, not resting.  Your body has
had to work very hard to heal and it is natural to be 
tired.  When you wake again, you should be feeling better
and we'll see about discharging you to your quarters."

The captain got a crafty grin on his face.  Suddenly I felt
a lot more sympathy for Malcolm that I had in the past. 
The thought of the captain stoned on meds being taken care
of by someone like Malcolm who thrived on propriety was not
a comfortable one.  But it was a hilarious picture in my
mind.  At Phlox's words the captain had perked up and
looked at us with a joyous expression.

"Oh goodie, I get to go home with Malcolm.  He gets to be my
bitch, doctor's orders."  Then he started giggling again.

I thought poor Malcolm would die from mortification right
then and there.  Or at least he looked like it.  Jonathan
saw the look his face and immediately got very remorseful. 
He grabbed Malcolm's hand  that was right by his side and
told him. 

"I'm sorry, Malcolm.  You don't have to if you don't want to. 
If it'll help, when I'm better it, will be my turn and
then I can be be your  bitch."  The captain said it all so
earnestly my heart just melted for him.

At this point, Malcolm looked as if he was hoping the
transporter would whisk him away.  To anywhere. 
Immediately.  Phlox was at a loss, and Trip and I were
doing all we could to keep ourselves from  splitting a gut
with laughter.  Malcolm glared at us and, if looks could
kill, the both of us would have been long dead and 
decomposing.  He then proceeded to gather up what he could
of his dignity.  He might have been embarrassed, but he
addressed the captain firmly yet tenderly.

"That is something we can discuss later, Jonathan, when we
are alone.  I want you to rest now.  You've had quite an
ordeal.  When Dr. Phlox is ready to release you, I'll be
back and help you to your quarters.  Now you need to get
some sleep.  I'll be back to look in on you in a while."

"Okay."  The captain acquiesced like a little child who had
been reprimanded.  With that, Malcolm turned and strode out
of sickbay.  Trip gave me one look and followed in his
wake.  Phlox checked the captain's readouts one more time
and then went back to putter with his menagerie and left
the captain in my care.

After they left, I turned and told him ,"Looks like it is
just us, Captain.  I'm going to let you sleep for several
hours till Phlox is ready to look at you again and then
probably discharge you."  I got a  hypo with a very mild
sleeping agent and gave it to him.

"I hope I didn't upset Malcolm.  I don't want him to be
angry with me."  The captain had such a sad look on his face
when he spoke.  His mood was certainly bouncing around due
to the meds.  Now he was subdued.  "I love him so much; I
don't want him to be hurt.  He's been hurt by too many
people already."

"Don't worry, Captain.  He was just a little surprised by your
… enthusiasm.  I can guarantee that Lt. Reed isn't mad at
you, and I'm sure he loves you too."

"Good.  I don't want him mad at me.  He would probably shove
me out an airlock."  He slowly fell asleep even as he was
speaking.

"Pleasant dreams, Captain.  I promise you'll feel a lot
better when you wake up, and Malcolm will be here to take
you home."  I looked wistfully at him as I spoke in a quiet
voice.  "I sure wish I could find someone who felt about me
the way you seem to feel about Lt. Reed."

Glancing up, just a step or two away was Trip who had a
very strange look on his face.  I fleetingly wondered why he had
come back.  It was pretty obvious he had heard my comments to
the captain.  We looked at each other for several seconds
without saying a word.  I wasn't sure what I would even
want to say.

Trip fidgeted around for a short while and then finally 
spoke.  "Dominic, I'm awfully sorry for messing things up
with you.  I know I haven't been the easiest person to try
and be friends with.  I've gone through a lot recently, but
that's still no excuse.  I'd like to try and make it up to
you though.  What do you say?"

I wasn't sure.  I recalled the whole conversation I had with
Malcolm earlier in the day and how he didn't want me to
give up on Trip.  If I was being honest, I didn't want to
give up on him either.  But neither did I want him to feel
as if he could make it all better, just like that.  I strongly
suspect that Trip has used his charm and looks to get
himself out of more than one situation that he fucked up.  I 
didn't feel like being just one more in the line.

"I'm not sure, Commande... Trip.  I really enjoyed spending
time with you, but I do not appreciate having someone
freaking out on me as you did, just because we shared a
kiss.  I would be willing to give it another try.  But
you're going to have to get your head on  straight first.  I
want to be sure that the both of us know what is being
offered here and are comfortable with that.  When that
happens, then let's talk about all this.  I'll still be
around."

Trip just looked at me for a few more seconds, nodded, then
turned and made his way out of Sickbay.  I returned my
attention to the captain, wondering how all this would turn
out.

---
"-Chief engineer's personal log-". 

"Well I guess I got the answer I deserve.  I don't think
I've ever been told so succinctly to either get my act
together or else buzz off.  And the sad thing is I can't
even be mad; he's right.  I did treat him pretty shabbily
and then sort of expected him to just forget about it.  I
guess I was thinkin' that since we still seemed to be
gettin' along, even laughin' over Malcolm and Jon's antics,
it was okay.  But that was mostly dealing with the issues
of Jon gettin' better and helpin' to see that Malcolm was
being taken care of.  When  t comes to him and me however,
he's decidedly cooler.  Now what do I do?"

"I can't bother him with the fact that my insomnia is
starting to come back or that dreams are interrupting my
sleep again.  I thought I had finally gotten over all
the nightmares about Lizzie's death.  Now they are startin'
to come back.  But not in the way it was before.  If
anything, it's a lot more confusing.  I can't make much of
it except that I'm the one who gets caught up in destruction 
and then I get images of waking up on my old apartment floor
with the carpet soaked.  Just terrible feelings of
confusion and intense pain and hurt, but not really
physical hurt.  I've had these dreams for the last three
nights now.    wake up in the middle of the night 
disoriented and confused.  These nightmares aren't as
debilitating as the ones I had about Lizzie though.  I'm
not sure what these mean, if anything.  I'd like to think
it doesn't have anything to do with Dominic, but a part of
me is havin' a hard time believing that it's just
coincidence."

"Now I'm at a loss to explain what is going on with me.  The
previous bouts of nightmares, I had an easy answer in
Lizzie's death.  These just don't make much sense.  I want
to talk about it with someone, but I'm afraid I've worn out
my welcome with either Jon or Malcolm when it comes to this
issue.  I treated them so badly before, shovin' them away
from me and refusin' their help.  Malcolm would rather have
his tongue torn out than admit it, but I know I hurt him
real bad.  It was so unthinking and callous of me.  I
helped to draw him out of his shell and then slapped him
down when he legitimately tried to be a friend and help. 
And I could tell that Jon was upset by all that.  I haven't
been doing right by my friends very much lately.  I
certainly can't blame Dominic for tellin' me to get my shit
together-- why would someone want to get involved with me
after all this?"

"I've gotta do something about this though.  I may be thick,
but God help me if I'm gonna make the same big mistake
twice.  And no going to T'Pol for some out of this world
treatment.  That's partly how I got into trouble with her
in the first place.  I need some qualified help.  So I
guess my first stop is sickbay to see Phlox."


"-Computer, end recording.-"
---

God I feel so wrung out!  At least I'm able to sleep
somewhat regularly again.  I did end up going to Phlox and
I explained everything to him with all the problems I've had,
starting with the Xindi attack last year. And then the
whole affair with T'Pol.  It made for a long telling, took
me two whole sessions just to bring him up to speed on 
everything.  And that's without even going into what is
going on now.

Fortunately, Phlox was able to come up with a treatment plan
that enabled me to get some regular sleep and keep the
nightmares from driving me nuts.  Medication, some plain
old home remedies combined with some pretty probing therapy
sessions with him seem to be helping.  The nightmares are
still there, but intermittent, and I seem to be dealing
with them better.  I'm still not sure what they mean.  They
seem to be a crazy combination of memories and feelings of
pain, loss, and despair.

I can tell that Dominic's real curious as to why I'm seeing
Phlox so much, but he's been good about not asking or
anything.  When I was waitin' one day I asked him if he
sees my records on this stuff.  He got a little huffy and
told me that Phlox does all the psychological work and he
is duty bound not to read any of it about any of the crew
unless absolutely necessary.  I sort of retreated with my
tail between my legs on that one.

Then the other day Phlox and I were going over some things
that I recalled from years back, before I even got involved
with the Warp 5  project.  I was jabbering along about
something or other when Phlox stopped me dead in my tracks
with a question- "Commander, you've told  me a great deal so
far- but who is this Jerome person?"

It's been two seeks since Phlox asked me that question and I
still feel as if I've run an emotional marathon.  How could
I have forgot about Jerome or what happened to us?  I have
more than an inkling that somehow I've made myself forget. 
With Phlox's help, I feel as if I've managed to remember
most of what I went through and even to make some sense of
what it meant, then and now.  I told Phlox I needed to
take a little time off from all of this and just let it settle
in my mind to see if I can make any more sense of it all. 
I have a bad  feeling that I've been able to do it.  I'm not
likin' the picture I see either.

Now I finally want to talk to Jon about all this.  He has
known me the longest and I think I may need his memory of
years ago when we first met and what I was like.  He's off
tonight so hopefully he's got the time.  We haven't had
much time together, just the two of us, in way too long. 

So I bided my time and got through the rest of my shift in 
engineering.  Nothing crazy happened and I knew since
Jon and Malcolm had gotten together, they both have been
a lot less workaholic than they used to be.  I guess they've
better things to occupy themselves with.  I knew Malcolm
had some training to do with one of the newer security personnel
that evening so hopefully Jon wouldn't be busy, and he and
I could spend some time alone.  I had things I needed to
explain to him and to ask about.

After I had an early supper, I headed to Jon's cabin. 
Gathering my  courage and taking a deep breath, I rang the
chime. 

"Who is it?"  I heard through the comm.  That in itself made
me  cause.  Jon pretty much has an open door policy
in regards to people talking to him, even when he is
technically off duty.  "Hello?"  I heard again.

"Cap'n, its Trip.  Are you busy?"

I waited a few seconds and the door opened.  I decided to
trust my luck and headed in.  The first thing I saw was Jon
sitting on his bed, folding his laundry.  The second thing I
noticed was that I heard the shower running in his
bathroom.  Before a 'what the hell' could even  escape my
lips, the water went off and in no time at all the door 
opened and Malcolm stuck his head out, looking at Jon and
dripping water on the floor. 

"Jonathan, do you have a clean towel?  I think you are all
out of them in here." 

Without a word, Jon just took a big towel off the top of the
stack and lobbed it in the direction of the door.  Malcolm
snatched it out of the air and disappeared back into the
bathroom without a glance.  I don't think he even realized
I was there.  Jon finally turned his  attention to me.

"Sorry about all this domesticity here, Trip, but I finally
had to do my laundry.  I had nothing clean for tomorrow." 
He didn't even mention the fact that Malcolm was washing up
in his bathroom.

"Uhm, I'm not interruptin' anything here am I, Cap'n?"
nodding towards the closed bathroom door.

"Oh no, I was surprised too.  Malcolm came by and said that
his training session tonight had been cancelled due to
crewman Jerrovich being sick.  We were just planning to
have a quiet evening in anyway and since he was already
here, I suggested that he just clean up here and we could
go from there."

A few seconds later Malcolm came out of the bathroom dressed
in old jeans and a t-shirt, more casual than I think I have
ever seen him outside of his quarters.  Without so much as
a glance in my direction, he headed over to Jon and gave
him quick peck on the lips  then turned to me.

"Hello, Trip."  So much for him not knowing I had been there
all this time.  "I don't think I've even had the chance to
say 'hi' to you today."

I was momentarily off balance here.  While I was very happy
Malcolm considered me a good enough friend that he
didn't feel he had to censor himself regarding him and Jon,
I was hoping to have Jon to myself for awhile. 

The two of them looked at me expectantly.  I shook myself to
get my brain moving again and just like usual, launched
right in.

"Well Jon, I was hoping to be able to spend a little time
with you; we haven't in a long while and I wanted to talk
to you about some stuff.  Personal stuff."

"I've got the time for you, Trip.  Whatever you'd like."  He
looked at Malcolm with a slightly embarrassed smile.  Then
they did that silent communication thing that couples
sometimes somehow do.  After a few seconds, Malcolm slowly
nodded his head.

"Actually, I have some things I should attend to.  If you
both would excuse me,"  Malcolm stated and then he started
heading for the door.

"Wait Malcolm, please."  I said before I could think twice.
I didn't want Malcolm to feel as if he were being dismissed.  
"It would be good if you could stay as well.  It'll keep me
from having to repeat myself.  And there are some things
you should probably hear as well as Jon."

"Very well."

"Just sit down guys, it may take awhile.  Bear with me while
I get myself together."  I was wondering how I would
explain myself to the two of them.  I was originally going
to just ask Jon about how he remembered me when we first
met.  I figured I might as well just start and see where
the conversation goes.  'Jump in with both feet, just like
always.'  Jon and Malcolm settled themselves on Jon's 
couch; Malcolm snuggled up to Jon's side and Jon with his
arm around Malcolm.

"I guess you both know me and Dominic were sort of seeing
each other a while back.  And I screwed that up in what
seems to have become my usual fashion.  He basically told
me to get my act together before seeing him again.  I can't
blame him.  Then I started getting nightmares again."  Jon
and Malcolm both reacted instantly, sitting up straighter
and visibly almost coming to attention.

"But not like I have had previously, especially not as bad." 
I hastened to add.  The two of them relaxed slightly at
that.  "I had dreams of myself, in pain, alone, and
hurting.  I guess I really  couldn't figure out what was
going on so I decided I needed to get some help and eventually went to 
Phlox.  He helped me get some regular sleep again and started me on a 
regular schedule of therapy to see if we could figure out what was 
going on.  By the way,  for a doctor, Phlox is a damn good therapist. 
Wouldn't let me get away with anything, even if it took him
awhile."

"Anyway, what I did is finally remember something, something
very important that happened to me over 14 years ago. Jon,
do you remember what I was like when you first met me on
the Warp 5 project all those years ago?"

Jon looked a bit puzzled but answered.  "I remember you were
young and almost hyperactive with all your energy for the
project.  You were brilliant even then.  You also said
almost nothing about your past except for your work at MIT. 
Which was excellent, by the way.  I  remember you were
wearing those loud shirts even then.  I was impressed by
your brains and work, and wanted to get to know you better. 
Later we did become friends.  You were gregarious and all 
over the map.  I wondered at times about your past, but after
a year or so, it didn't seem to matter.  Eventually, when
it looked as if Enterprise would become a reality, I wanted
to be its leader and I wanted you here, with me,  as
well."

Noting that, I continued.  "Yes, I was all that and probably
more.  What I didn't ever tell you was what my life was
like before I met you and why I never talked about it.

"Before I joined the Warp 5 project, I was the
quintessential science nerd, pocket PADD, lab outfit and
everything.  The only thing I needed to complete the outfit
was glasses.  I dressed and looked differently than I do
now.  When I joined, I wanted to change how I
looked completely and how people reacted to me.  I had had something
happen to me that changed me, a lot.  I graduated from 
college when I just turned 21.  Then I went right to MIT to
their graduate program.  I was set to get my doctorate
before I turned 24.  My graduate paper on warp theory was
what got me into the Program.

"At that point what you don't know is that I had been in a 
relationship for two years with another male graduate
student.  Jerome was three years older than me and I was so
in love with him.  We lived together and the whole nine
yards.  We helped each other with our work and projects. 
We had even begun to talk about getting married.  My
parents had met him a few times and thought he was fine. 
Then, three months before I was to get my doctorate, I came 
home to our apartment after two days away and he was gone. 
He hadn't said a word about being unhappy or anything.  At
first I thought something had happened to him.  I was
beyond frantic.  Then I found a note from him saying 
'he couldn't do this anymore with me and he didn't love me
and he was leaving'.  That was it.  He had taken all his
stuff from our place, my place now.  I had some of my most
recent work on PADDS scattered around the place and those
were gone too.  To this day I don't know if he did it out
of spite, or if he just didn't think about me, or care"

"To say I was devastated was a giant understatement.  Once
it finally sunk in what had happened, I just fell apart. 
Not only had the love of my life up and left, but some of my
most recent work was gone as well.  The work that was going
to fulfill my big dream of going into space on what
eventually became Enterprise.

"The next several weeks after that were sort of a blur, even
now.  I really don't remember much about them except lying on
the carpet in the living room and crying.  I though I'd
literally cry my eyes out.  I didn't really do much of
anything else.  I felt as if all I wanted to do was die,
then and there.  I didn't go to class, or work, or even try
to recover anything that was gone.  I just stayed there and 
experienced the worst isolation, despair, and pain I had
ever had.  Some friends came in to look out for me and help
me, I really don't  remember.  After some time, I sort of
came out of it, but maybe not really.  I was in danger of
losing my job and my position at MIT.  I was running short
on money.  I finally called my parents and they helped me
out.  I never told them exactly what had happened.  I think 
I was still in shock.  I did manage to get back to work on my
graduate paper and somehow managed to bungle my way to
finishing it and getting it accepted.  How, I'll never
really know.  I felt all hollow inside, as if Jerome had
taken all my innards along with everything else."

At some point in time, Jon had moved from being with Malcolm
to sitting right next to me and putting his arm around me
for support.  I sort of noted both he and Malcolm had
big expressions of worry on them.  By now I was far enough
along in my story that my eyes had started to water and I
had to wipe them occasionally.  I just continued.  I wanted
to get it all out.

"I think I just sort of kept going after that, not really
feeling anything or doing anything important.  Then I got
the notice that I had been accepted to the Warp 5 program.  I
forgot that I had long ago tendered my application and it
was contingent on my getting my doctorate and what they
thought of it and me.  It had just automatically gone to
them when I was granted my PhD."

"Suddenly I was shocked awake by one of my dreams being
granted.  I found myself finally waking up and what I found
was that I was absolutely furious.  I tried to find Jerome,
but he had disappeared.  'Fine, screw him,' I thought to
myself.  'I'll get it done.'  I hated him with a passion
and everything that had reminded me of him.  After that I
was like a house on fire.  I got myself together and all my
stuff and, when it was time, I ended up at the Warp Project
in Montana.  I was determined to start fresh.  That's when
I changed my image to what I have now.  I forgot about 
Jerome and my life with him and my past.  But it never
really forgot about me though.

"Eventually I found my place at the Project, found you Jon,
made new friends and began to trust people again.  I even
started dating again and the world didn't crumble.  I met
people I loved, especially Natalie.  I really was upset
when she broke it off.  But Enterprise had become a reality
and I had a place on it.  A place of importance, with a
mission and a guy who had become my best friend.  I earned
my place here, despite what some people may have thought or
said.  And it worked great, for over two years."

"Then the Xindi attacked Earth and, in the devastation they
caused, Lizzie died and I experienced all the buried hurt
and pain I had before, just as strong.

"I couldn't deal with those emotions again.  I just
couldn't.  Having Lizzie die made it all real again and I
would have done anything to avoid that.  Avoid my friends,
especially you Jon, push Malcolm away - even though
all he wanted to do was help.  I buried myself in anger and
hate to the point that it was all I could focus on or all
that kept me going.  Even getting involved with T'Pol, a
strategy that was not only guaranteed to fail, but that
blew up in both our faces in the long run.  I ran and ran
and only stopped when it was just about all over.  We
succeeded in the Expanse, but I've been havin' to pick up
the pieces ever since.

"That is why I dealt with the Cogenitor like I did too.  I
saw this person, who was alone, frightened, and isolated. 
All I could think about was how I had felt, when I was just
like that and I would have given my soul to have someone
come and help me.  I couldn't just sit  back; I had to do
something.  Maybe I felt that if I was able to help, it
would somehow make up for no one being able to help me.  If 
I could make it so she was alright, maybe it would make me
be alright as well.  I dunno know.  Then when she killed
herself, my world just fell apart completely.  I had
screwed up, and in the worst way.  Not only had I not
helped her at all, I had just made it so her life became
unbearable.  And then Jon, when you had to reprimand me for
it, I thought I had lost all your respect.  I guess I
thought I would never really get it back, so I didn't even
try."

Through all this, I had been relaying my story with my head
down, talking quietly.  Now my tears started to fall and
Jon slowly pulled himself right next to me and held me as
much as he could in his arms.  At a look from Jon, Malcolm
came over from the sofa and sat on my other side, holding
my hand.

"My god Trip, I had no idea,"  Jon stated simply.  "I never
even suspected any of this, or what you felt like.  I am so
sorry you had to go through all this.  I knew I had been
pretty tough on you.  I  just never thought that it would
have affected you so much.  I should have realized."

"No, Jon.  There was absolutely no way you could have know
about Jerome and all that happened.  I didn't want anyone
to know.  I couldn't face it at the time.  Not even my
parents really know what happened.  They just thought we
broke up."

I let the tears fall, and Jon and Malcolm sat with me.  No
one said anything for a long while.  Finally Jon broke the
silence.

"Trip, I should have realized something was going on though;
the signs were there.  I am so sorry for everything that
happened.  Not just with what you told us now."  He paused
again for a long while, just letting me gather what
strength I could from the both of them.

"Since Malcolm and I have been together, he has helped me
realize a few things."  As this sounded like news to him
too, Malcolm glanced over at Jon expectantly.

"I've been thinking a lot about what happened with the
Cogenitor lately, and I know I came down hard on you.  If
it happened again, I would do the same thing.  As the
Captain, officially, I had to do what I did.  What
I would change is what I didn't do after.  I failed you
Trip and I am so sorry about that.  I failed as your 
friend.  I knew you were hurting and I didn't seek you out.
I didn't do what I should have to try and help.  And I need
to ask your forgiveness for that failure."

I looked at Jon, stunned.  He is so seldom apologetic that
it caught me by surprise.  But there was more.

"I also have to admit Trip that in some ways you were right. 
Maybe, officially and on their own terms, how the Vissians
treat the cogenitors makes sense and what happened was
indeed a tragedy.  What you did was a direct interference
in their culture.  But if there is anything I've learned
from our time out here, it's that each individual, no
matter who, makes a difference, the cogenitors just as
much as anyone else.  And the people who taught me that are
Degra, and Malcolm right here."

At that Malcolm really looked at Jon.   He had never heard
this before.

"Degra showed me not all the Xindi were intent on our 
destruction.  After we showed him the evidence, he made the
decision to help us.  And that decision made the difference
in saving our entire world.  We never would have
succeeded without him and his help.  And he was killed, 
giving us that help."

"And then there's Malcolm."  Jon looked right at Malcolm
with his heart in his eyes.  "You perhaps know more than I
how much Malcolm had to let go of his history and how he
was raised for he and I to be as involved as we are.  Malcolm
made the decision to let go of his past so we could be
together.  When I first got the courage to tell him how I
felt about him, I was terrified he would tell  me 'no'. 
I was afraid he would only see me as 'The Captain' and 
hence, not someone who he could ever appropriately be
involved with.  I can't begin to express how much he means
to me and what I feel I have gained from him telling me
'yes'.  If I ever needed a lesson in courage and how one
person can make a difference, there you have it."

Both Malcolm and I were staring at Jon now, both with tears
in our eyes.

'You were wrong to interfere with the Vissians, but you were
right as well.  I failed to make that distinction.  And I
failed to distinguish between myself as the Captain and me
as your friend.  Because of that, I failed you.  I will do
whatever it takes to make that up to you."

"We both will," Malcolm stated simply.

At that point, Jon subsided.  What else was there for him to
say?  We all sat again in silence for awhile, each with our
own thoughts.

I felt like I had run the gauntlet, but it was a good
feeling, like how you feel after you finally finish some
important but arduous task.  I felt a weight I had long
thought gone finally lift off me.  It had been ever so
light, but constantly there and so I had just come to accept
and ignore it after awhile.  Now I felt it somehow gone and 
it was amazing how freeing it was.  I looked at Jon and
smiled slightly.  He answered back with a tentative smile
of his own.  Perhaps Jon and I could resume what we once
had, perhaps it would have to change somewhat.  Having Jon
involved in a relationship with Malcolm had already changed
our dynamic.  This might change it more.  Or not.  It would
depend on both of us.  Perhaps I didn't need Jon now as a
mentor or as the Captain, but just as my friend and 
captain.  Time would tell. 

"Thank you, Jon.  I can't tell you how good it makes me feel
to hear you say that."

The intense moment eventually passed and all three of us
slowly started to disentangle ourselves from each other and
resume our normal posture. 

"What will you do now?"  Jon asked quietly.

"For just a little while, I'm going to rest and let it all
sink in.  I do have a job around here you know and I need
to keep working.  Then I'll continue with Phlox, at least
for a time, and do more work with him.  Somewhere in all
this, I need to have a talk with Dominic.  He deserves an
explanation.  Where he and I go after that is something
we can both decide on.  I hope he sees me as someone he can
'appropriately' be involved with, but we'll see."

"Somehow I doubt he'll see that as a problem.  You know
Trip, I have sometimes wondered why you and I had never
tried to hook up or something.  Why nothing ever developed
between us.  I always just assumed that you really weren't
into guys that much.  Now I see the reason."

"There is that Jon, but you know, it never really would have
worked out between us.  When it comes to men, we're
both 'bottoms'."  I said with a wicked smile in Malcolm's
direction.

"What!?!"  Jon sputtered with a totally shocked look on his
face.  My face had assumed one of Phlox's big grins and
Malcolm took one look at Jon and just exploded into
laughter.

"Oh my God, Jon, if you could see the look on your face
right now."  Malcolm managed to get out before he began to
laugh harder than  ever to the point where he fell off the
bed and was literally  rolling on the floor.  After a few
seconds of chagrin, Jon began to be a little worried.  But
then I began to laugh in conjunction with Malcolm. 
Eventually, both of us recovered ourselves and slowly got 
back under control, even though a stray snicker sometimes
would work its way out.

The merriment slowly died down and so did the moment. 
Eventually I got up and began to make noises about getting
back to my quarters and bed.  After making some perfunctory
motions to help clean up the room, much hugging and sounds
of agreement to one and all, I eventually worked my way out
the door.

After the door shut, Jon turned around and just leaned back
against  Malcolm and sighed explosively.  "Well, so much for that
quiet night in."

"Do you think he will be alright?"  Malcolm asked
tentatively.

"Yes actually, I do.  Phlox won't let him slack off in the
long run and I've never known Trip to back down from a
challenge, once he  recognizes it.  He's come so far
already; I don't think he'll go back on what he needs to
do.  And if he tries, now that we know the score, we'll be
there to help him," Jon added.

"You realize that you've never told me that you were afraid
I would have said no to you."

"I was just so relieved and glad you didn't it flew right
out of my  head.  I never really thought about it after the
fact till tonight.  I really do think you are very brave
though."

"I think Jon, that is just about the nicest thing you have
ever said to me.  And I must say with all you told
Trip, I am more proud of you than I have ever been." 
Malcolm slowly got that feral look about him that he can
get sometimes.

With that, Malcolm started walking slowly towards Jon, who
started to get a little apprehensive.  Trying to predict
what might get Malcolm going was sometimes just a losing
proposition.  Not that it didn't work out in the long run,
often with spectacular results.  But it was  amazing how
Malcolm could go from zero to warp at a moment's notice.  
What Jon found equally amazing was just how fast he could
respond to him when he got like that.

"I feel like I need to really show my appreciation for your
feelings for me" Malcolm fairly purred at him.  "Now how
can I do that?"  By now Malcolm had closed the distance
between the two and began to kiss Jon with all the pent up
passion he had.  Jon responded with his own passion and
soon the two were locked in a fierce embrace.  He felt 
Malcolm fumbling with his shirt buttons and he was trying
desperately to get Malcolm's t-shirt off. 

Getting Jon's shirt off first, Malcolm twisted around and
half guided- half threw Jon onto the bed.  He proceeded to
get Jon's pants and skivvies off in record time and while
he was all but ripping his own pants off, Jon was already
fumbling around for the lube. 

"So I guess Trip is onto something about you and him, eh
Jon."

"What?!?"

They crashed together like waves hitting the rocks.  It was
like animals braying and rutting in the night.  It was hot
and hard and fast and loud and exactly what they both
wanted right at that moment. 

After it was all over, Jon slowly pulled the blankets up
over both of  them.  He knew he'd be sore again tomorrow,
but you know, some things are just worth it.

---

I swear to God I am never leaving the ship again.  If I ever
decide to go on another away mission without the cap'n
directly ordering me, I'm going to have Hess and the
engineering staff tie me to one of the fusion reactors and
turn it on.  It would be less painful in the long run.

Jon and I were doing what initially looked to be a typical
away team mission to the planet Malusia with Malcolm along
for security.  He tends to be very protective of Jon on
these missions, insisting at least one of his security
team goes, usually him.  All of the senior staff finally
ganged up on the Captain and insisted if he goes on an
away mission, he goes with adequate security.  Jon groused 
about it good naturedly for a week and Malcolm looked like
the proverbial cat that ate the canary.

Anyway, it looked like an easy time, meeting the planetary 
dignitaries, establishing diplomatic talks, arranging some
trade... until the military cadre marched in and took us
into custody.  It appears the civilian government
exists at the sufferance of the military and they were
extremely suspicious of us.  If we thought the Klingons had
a warrior mentality, they've got nothing on the Malusian 
militia. When we tried to protest, the shit really hit the
fan.  Their warriors started to rough up Jon pretty hard
and that set Malcolm off.  There were too many for us to
pick off with just phase pistols and get out, and then
Malcolm went down in the fight.  He got his foot stomped on
pretty badly; I could hear the bones snap.  Then Jon just
went berserk and started fighting harder than I have ever 
seen him.  He fought his way to Malcolm's side before I saw
him hit someone so hard I think he broke his hand and then
he took a hit to the head and was out cold.  I had to give
up when one of the warriors held a knife to Malcolm's
throat. 

After congratulating us on our bravery, they told us we
would have the honor of being executed soon in their arena. 
Just fuckin' great!  Malcolm and Jon were basically dragged
there and I followed.  I was hoping since we had been
out of touch with Enterprise past our check in time, some
type of rescue would hopefully be coming.  There was no way
I could even begin to think about escape with them held
captive and unable to move.

It didn't look good for any of us.  Jon was still
unconscious and Malcolm might as well have been, he was in
so much pain and basically immobilized.  I just had a
couple of bruises and cuts so far.  We were out in the
middle of what looked like a really fantastic, small 
outdoor arena, filled to capacity with the Malusian
populace.  I'm sure I'd have been much more appreciative if
I wasn't part of the main attraction.  I was hoping that
Enterprise would just be able to transport us out of this,
but so far, nothing. 

A group of six of their warrior caste came out and were
equipped with what looked like ceremonial but very nasty
and effective swords.  No doubt to send us on our way with
dispatch.  They also looked as if they knew how to use them. 
I was so angry at the unfairness of the whole thing I
forgot to be afraid.

The group was approaching us when I heard a loud voice shout
out something that sounded like "Intritellegro shorgrata
akkri striargat," in what sounded like Dominic's voice.

'What the...'  The crowd had gone instantly quiet.  I turned
toward the sound and, standing in an archway to the arena, was
Dominic in his combat fatigues with his sai in his boot
holders.  He came striding in and shouted his challenge to
the entire crowd again.  Both the crowd and the fighters in
the arena shouted out something that I can only surmise was
some type of reply.  Dominic acknowledged it and then made
his way to the three of us. 

He stopped and looked me over quick.  Then he bent down to
see about Malcolm and Jon.  He checked the vitals on both
of them, whispering to Malcolm for just a second.  Unseen
by the crowd, he slipped a small device to him and then
stood up and turned to me, speaking low and urgent.

'Trip, I need to make this short.  I just gave Malcolm a
transporter signal amplifier.  Apparently the arena here is
shielded in some manner; you couldn't be transported out. 
Hess and Rostov whipped up a signal booster for the
targeting sensors that should allow them to do it.  When
T'Pol realized your situation, she and Hoshi came up with a
plan to get you out of here.  Hoshi taught me their ritual 
challenge phonetically.  I fight their warriors and in the
confusion you get Malcolm and the Captain transported up
first and then we follow.  It can't get all of us when we're
together."

He leaned over, slipped me another device and then kissed
me.  "For luck," he quipped and then turned to the
assembled warriors.  He slipped his sai from his boot
holders and began twirling them around in his hands. 

"I am so gonna love this.  When I charge them, hit the big
red button on Malcolm's amplifier."  He turned away from me
and started walking towards the Malusian warriors who
proceeded to draw their weapons and assume a fighting
stance.

With a slight smile on his face, Dominic approached the
assembled warriors and then launched himself at them.  I
turned to Jon and Malcolm and hit the button on their
signal device, then stepped back.  Normally the transporter
takes effect almost immediately, but now I counted almost
to ten before the two of them dissolved in the matter
stream.

Right away the crowd roared its displeasure.  I looked up
and Dominic already had two of their warriors down on the
ground.  In what state,  I couldn't tell.  It was truly
breathtaking to watch him fight, frighteningly efficient
and ever so deadly.  He was that good.  Even as I watched,
a flash of one sai under his guard and a third warrior 
joined his fellows on the ground.  At the crowd's yelling,
the remaining three looked in my direction and noted the
missing captives.  Two of them renewed their assault on
Dominic and one broke away and headed towards me.  I
thought I was a definite goner with all this but determined
to at least try to fight and keep myself alive.  I didn't
even think of trying to use the second amplifier.  I 
wouldn't have left Dominic even if I couls. 

He was almost on me when I heard "Trip, down!"  I
immediately hit the ground and saw Dominic hurtling at the
Malusian and connect his foot into the small of the
warrior's back.  Dominic hit him so hard they both flew
over me and the next thing I saw was a sai reverse itself 
in his hand and stab down into the other's chest.  He
continued his roll off the Malusian and grabbed his sai,
pulling it out even as he was coming back upright.

Dominic hustled back over to me and we noted the last two
warriors picking themselves up from where he had struck
them down and heading for us.  "Trip, be ready on that
other amplifier.  Hess assured me if we are still in
the same general area as the previously  boosted signal, it
will work faster than the first time."

He took a step away from me and in the direction of the
approaching warriors.  "Wait for it... wait for it" I could
hear him mutter to  himself.  Then his hands flashed up and
out and his two sai flew  straight and fast as a targeting
laser and took each warrior right in the chest.  By now the
crowd was shrieking at the top of their lungs.  Dominic
jumped at me, wrapped his arms around me and said 
emphatically- "hit that button!"  And I did. 

"Dammit" I heard him say.  "Those were my best ones."

"I'll make you a new set."

My count got almost to five before I saw the arena begin to
fade as the transporter took us.

---

We had just gotten off the transporter pad and were dusting
ourselves off when I felt the ship shudder in the way it does
only when we are being fired on.  Then I could feel it jump
to warp.  Travis must be making good our escape.  Dominic
and I exchanged a look and took off for sickbay.  Despite
all that had happened we got there at warp speed.  Phlox was
just finished looking over the captain, who was out cold on 
a biobed.  Malcolm was also out and looked as if he were being
prepped for some procedure by Cutler.

"Ah, Mr. Carter and Commander Tucker, just the people I was
hoping to see.  I need to do microsurgery on Lt. Reed's
ankle and while it is not especially serious, it is
meticulous and the sooner done the better."  Phlox was
bustling along, telling us all this and scanning both of us
at the same time

"Excellent, Commander.  My scans show that physically you are
fine, just a few cuts and bruises.  Far less than what you
usually show up with.  And you, Mr. Carter, are equally
well.  Perhaps you might be a little tired from all the
death defying excitement.  Some rest for you would be good,
hmmm?"  With that, he started to apply some salve to my
cuts.  It only took a minute.  After he was finished, he
addressed me again.  "Perhaps Commander, since you currently have
nothing to do and will no doubt hang around
sickbay making a nuisance of yourself, you could instead
help Mr. Carter get himself cleaned up and get some rest."

I looked at Phlox with a mixture of awe and disbelief.  I
swear to god he doesn't miss an opportunity.  I looked at
Carter to see if he was okay with this.  He had a look on
his face similar to mine.  With a shrug and a sigh, we resigned
ourselves to our fate. 

Since it was clear that Malcolm and the captain were going
to be in good hands, I left with Dominic to get him cleaned
up and rested.  Getting him back to his quarters wasn't the
problem.  Getting him to do what Phlox wanted and rest was
the bitch.  I had never seen this side of him before.  He
fought me every inch of the way, saying he needed to go
help.  What is it with these security people?  He was like
your bratty two- year old nephew who desperately needs his nap
but fights to stay awake.  I had to cajole, persuade, and just about 
order him to get some rest.  I all but promised
him that Chef would have Andorian ice cream for him for
dinner tomorrow if he would just do what he was told.

After all that, I cleaned myself up and rested a bit, then
T'Pol briefed me quickly on the situation and how we were
all rescued.  Apparently, someone from the civilian
government contacted Enterprise and told them of the
situation.  T'Pol came up with the plan to have just one
person get in with the signal amplifiers and Dominic was the 
logical choice.  Hoshi had worked like a madwoman and
determined from her cultural analysis of the situation that
the warrior caste only respected deadly force so T'Pol
authorized Dominic to use it if needed.

I had just finished checking up on Engineering to see if
there was any help I could give them. The damage to the
ship when we escaped the Malusians was even less than
minimal; nothing Hess and my staff couldn't take care of
with half a look and a snap of their fingers.  Hess spent
most of that time chasing me around engineering telling me 
to 'get the hell out and take care of myself, she had
everything  under control'.  And she did.  She was going to
make one hell of a good chief engineer in her own right
some time real soon.  I guess I should get myself prepared
for that day.

Walking into sickbay, I wanted to see how Malcolm and the
Captain were doin'.  Since it was rather late, I tried to be
as quiet as I  could be.  The both of them were out cold.  
Phlox had said that Jon had a concussion and that rest
would be the best thing for both that and his broken hand. 
Malcolm was still sedated, but resting as well.  Phlox had
finished the reconstructive surgery on his ankle and said 
he had come through it with flying colors. 

I took a look at Malcolm and Jon.  They were both sleeping
on their sides on adjoining biobeds facing each other.  It
almost looked as if they were reaching for each other in
their sleep.  I was just about ready to say 'what the
hell', and have Phlox put them together, but realized 
the damn beds were just not built to the size for two 
grown men.  As if my wandering thoughts had summoned him,
Phlox appeared and took me to a quiet corner.

"Good to see you, Commander.  Both the captain and lieutenant
are going to be fine.  I would like to be able to have them
together, but, unfortunately, the biobeds are not big enough
and don't move enough to put them adjoining each other," 
Phlox told me without preamble.  "I do need to keep them at
least overnight to monitor them, but perhaps later tomorrow
I can release them to their quarters.  Although it might be
better for them to be together in the captain's quarters as
it is bigger, that way they can help each other."

Obviously Phlox was keyed in on Malcolm and Jon's
relationship.  Since he took it so matter of factly, I just
went along with it and nodded.

"And speaking of taking care of yourself, I believe you are
currently off duty for at least the next 24 hours.  You
should be getting your rest as well.  Do not let me hear
that you've been around the ship working.  The Captain and
Lt. Reed aren't going anywhere till  tomorrow, believe me."

With that he bustled me out of sickbay and down the corridor
as efficiently as it has ever been done.  Bowing to the
inevitable, I headed off to my quarters.

---
EPILOGUE:


The party in the Mess Hall was winding down to a quieter
phase.  The majority of the more raucous partygoers had
departed and most of the food and drink had been consumed. 
Even though a good number of the crew was still present, it
had become more reflective.  Soft music was playing and
several couples had begun to slow dance to it.  Trip and
Captain Archer were sitting at one table in the corner 
overlooking the crowd.  Jonathan still had his hand in a
cast.  Phlox had decided it would be best to let it heal
naturally with little medical intervention.  After the
initial treatment, he just monitored it to make sure it was
healing properly.

"I have never been so happy to leave a planet behind us,
even if it was beautiful," Jon commented with a heartfelt
sigh.

"Yeah, but the natives were anything but friendly.  That
type of planet I can do without.  Almost makes me nostalgic
for some nice uninhabited desert world, just so people
would stop taking pot shots at us."

"Trip, I'm going to take you to Phlox right now.  You got
hit on the head harder than you think if you're starting to
want to visit desert worlds again."

"Guess you're right; they're not any more fun than where we
just came from, only danger in a different form.  I'm glad
we're gone and things can get back to a little more normal.  
How are you and Malcolm doing by the way?" he asked
quietly so no one could overhear.  "Have you guys given any
more thought to letting people know about the two  of you?"

"I don't know.  Malcolm and I have talked a lot about it
recently, but I'm still not sure about his comfort level
with the whole thing.  I would like to let people know, but
I'll respect his decision.  I am tired of hiding what I
feel for him though.  And I know it was tough on him when I
was injured and unconscious in sickbay.  I think if 
everyone had known about us, it would have been easier for
him; he would have gotten more support.  I just don't want
him to feel any more isolated than he sometimes does
already.  What about you and Dominic?"

"I'm not sure either, Cap'n.  I know we have feelings for
each other; I'm just not sure what they are exactly.  Do I
love him?  I think so, but I feel as if I just got myself a
clear head so I'm not sure about a lot of things.  Funny
though, how having someone save your ass makes you
appreciate 'em a hell of a lot more.  So, I may not know 
just exactly where we are going, but I do like the direction
we're headed."

"Where is Dominic by the way?  I didn't see him at the
party."

"He's finishing up some work in sickbay.  I commed him just
a little bit ago and he said he'd be up here pretty soon.  
Matter of fact, it should be just about now."

Through all this conversation, Trip had noticed that the
captain had been searching for Malcolm.  Jon spotted him
talking to Travis and Hoshi and was looking longingly at
him from his vantage point.

'God, he's got it bad' thought Trip.  'I hope Malcolm
realizes just how lucky he is.'

As if Trip's thoughts had alerted him, Malcolm suddenly
broke off his conversation with the other two and looked
intently at Jonathan.  Trip felt the silent communication
between them, but not what it meant.  They continued to look
at each other and Trip noticed that Jonathan's eyes had
started to tear up.  'Man those two are such a pair,'
thought Trip in amazement.  Malcolm meanwhile, had begun 
working his way quietly through the crowd to their table. 
His eyes never left Jonathan's, a look of concentration on
his face.  Trip had seen that look on Malcolm before, 
usually after he had come to a decision and was going to
go with whatever he had decided, no matter what.

Malcolm stopped in front of their table and after glancing
at Trip in greeting, returned his gaze to Jonathan.

"Jon, would you like to dance?" he asked simply.

"Are you sure about this, Malcolm?" Jonathan asked,
surprised by Malcolm's request.

"Yes I am.  I want to dance with the man I love." He held
out his hand.

"We'll have to be careful of your foot."

"I think we'll be alright.  In fact, I believe we will be
just fine.  Please, Jon?"

In reply, Jonathan allowed Malcolm to help him out of his
chair.  Malcolm led him quietly to the dance floor and
wrapped his arms around Jon's middle, being careful not to
jar his wrist.  Jonathan draped his good arm around
Malcolm's shoulder and the two silently slow danced to the
music.  Malcolm turned his head and laid it down on Jon's
shoulder.  Jonathan thought he had died and gone to heaven.
His heart suddenly felt as if it were two sizes too big for
his chest, and his eyes began to mist up again.  Everyone
in the room saw them together, but no one said anything,
the others on the makeshift dance floor making room for
them.  Travis and Hoshi smiled quietly to each other and
looked on.

After dancing for a short while, Malcolm turned up his head
to look at Jonathan. "I love you Jonathan Archer. I'm sorry
it took me this long to realize other people's
opinions don't matter when compared to that."

"I love you too, Malcolm.  Don't worry about it.  But the cat
is pretty much out of the bag now."  With that, Jonathan
leaned down and claimed his lips in a soft kiss that seemed
to Malcolm to go on forever.  After they finally broke off,
Malcolm leaned his head back down on Jon's shoulder and
they continued to slowly move around the floor, oblivious
to anything else.  After a time, Malcolm softly whispered
in Jonathan's ear.

"Jon, look over to your left."

Glancing in the indicated direction Jonathan saw that Trip
and Dominic were in a tight embrace and dancing across the
floor just like he and Malcolm.  "Well, I guess two cats are
out of the bag' thought Jonathan.  As if hearing his
thought, Trip looked at Jonathan and gave him big smile and
a 'thumbs up' as they quietly passed each other.  Dominic
saw their exchange and then whispered something that 
Jonathan didn't catch into Trip's ear.  Trip's smile grew
even wider if that were possible. 

As the night drew to a close, everyone felt it.  Like a soft
breeze that wafted in from the depths of space, like the
stars breathing a benediction on one and all, a new day had
begun.  Enterprise sailed serenely on into the night.

---

The End