The BLTS Archive- No Guarantees by melanie (melanie@skynet.ca) --- Note: A sequel to "What's Love Got To Do With It?" Spoilers: "Lineage" possibly. I do my best to avoid spoilers, but I've been ordered to warn readers that the episode might touch on something like this. Disclaimer: Theirs, not mine, wish they were, but they're not, etc., etc., don't sue. --- "So, Lieutenant, to what do I owe the pleasure of your presence?" The EMH narrowed the distance between them and silently answered the question for himself. He ushered the obviously nauseated woman over to the nearest biobed and helped to sit upon it. Motioning for her to remain where she was, he hurried over to an instrument tray for a tricorder and returned with it all ready to scan her. "How long have you been feeling ill before you finally gave in and came to see me?" "A couple of days," the patient muttered between clenched teeth. For only a split second did she watch the holographic hand waving the device over her form before seeing its motion caused her more distress and she was obliged to close her eyes or disgrace herself all over the Sickbay carpet. "How many is 'a couple?'" "Three or four. I thought it was just Neelix's latest culinary time bomb, but I haven't eaten in the Mess Hall for two days now so it can't be that. Then Nicoletti made a reference to the test run that Tom, Tuvok, and I made six weeks ago. The one we made to test the Delta Flyer's latest modifications and went through that heavy radiation and the shields almost failed and Tom and I were half electrocuted trying to keep them up and Tuvok was knocked out. So I thought maybe it was something to do with that." When the EMH failed to comment about her attempting to diagnose herself, she warily opened her eyes. To her relief, he no longer was waving the tricorder about, but had walked away to the console and was staring at its screen where presumably the data from the tricorder was being displayed. "Doctor, it's just some problem from the radiation I absorbed, right?" Slowly, his head lifted. "No, it's not that. None of you absorbed enough radiation to do you any serious harm. And the treatment I gave you three when you returned was sufficient to eliminate the minor cellular damage that had been done." "So what's wrong with me then?" "I take it you haven't told Mr. Paris of your nausea?" "No. We've each been working double shifts for the passed week and haven't seen much of each other." "That explains why he didn't diagnose you himself." Nonchalantly, he strolled over to the counter in the one corner, selected a hypospray, inserted a vial into it, then approached her biobed. He did not speak until he had emptied a measure of the contents of the hypospray into her neck. "Is the nausea receding?" Blinking and sighing in relief, she nodded. "Yes." "Good." He curled her fingers around the hypospray. "One shot every day should keep the nausea away." She looked suspiciously from him to the hypospray then back again. "What do you mean? You can't get rid of whatever it is that's wrong with me?" "There's nothing *wrong* with you, Lieutenant. The morning sickness will naturally subside in-" "Morning.... Are you saying I'm pregnant?" A broad smile creased his face. "Almost six weeks. Six weeks less a day to be exact. Not surprising really. I imagine almost a week spent with a Vulcan and his 'Victorian views towards sex' as I once heard Mr. Paris term it, would have put the damper on any... personal interaction between you and Mr. Paris. You two couldn't seem to wait to get your hands on each other once I'd taken care of the radiation damage," he smirked. "But our contraceptive implants...." "Frankly, I wish you two had come to me before nullifying them. I know you are an Engineer and Mr. Paris is a somewhat capable Medical Assistant, but still you should have come to me to do it. For starters, there's your medical files to update." "But, Doctor-" "Secondly, there is the problem of genetic incompatibility between humans and Klingons, even half-Klingons, making medical assistance in conception almost always necessary. When you two had been forced to accept Mother Nature wasn't going to fall in line with your plans for a family, you would have had to come to me for help anyway. And thirdly, you two could have done some damage to yourselves had you performed incorrectly the procedure to nullify the impla-" "But we didn't nullify them!" His jaw snapped shut and his brow wrinkled. "But if you two didn't...." He rushed over to the console with her on his heels. "According to my scan of you, your implant is indeed inactive." He pointed to the reading that supported his statement. "But how if Tom and I didn't do it?" "I don't know." He called up her last medical scan, the one made during the Flyer crew's treatment. "And here, it's inactive." He brought up the one previous to that. "Here it's active and that's twenty-four days prior to the test run. As for Mr. Paris...." Tom's scan from the treatment and the scan before that, only two days before they had left on what had ended up being a week-long mission. "His is inactive here and active there. Same as yours. If neither of you actually nullified the implants then-" "Something must have happened while we were on the Flyer," she finished for him, almost elbowing him out of the way so she could take over at the console. "If Tuvok's is inactive too then we'll know for sure that-" "Vulcans have no need of contraceptive implants, Lieutenant. Their mating cycle is such that they have no need of them. Those Victorian views regarding sex coming into play yet again." "So then the radiation-" "The radiation would not have effected them. In all the decades that they have been in use, there has never been an instance of them ever having been affected by radiation. They're very simple devices with only one function. If I had to leap into your area of expertise and hazard a guess as to the culprit, I'd say it was the electrical shock both you and Mr. Paris absorbed when that console exploded. That might, and I'm emphasising *might,* have lead to this little miracle. One that I-" "So if they were off," she interrupted, "and I became pregnant the first time Tom and I... After we left here, after the treatments, I must have been ovulating at the time then. The egg would have been exposed to the radiation and the treatment. All of my ova would have been exposed anyway. What sort of effect would that have had on them?" "As I told you at the time, there was some slight cellular damage done to all three of you, but I doubt it was anything severe enough to impact on your ova." "You 'doubt?' You can't be one hundred percent certain?" "Not one hundred percent, no. The scans I just made of your child appear to be consistent with what I would expect to see, but every child is a hybrid of its parents, your child even more so as it's a hybrid of a half-Klingon and human. There are going to be natural deviations from the so-called norm in cell structure and various other respects, things that won't be apparent until the foetus has further developed. At this stage, it is impossible to state categorically that anything that might appear to be abnormal is purely due to radiation exposure or the treatment you received here." "But it *is* possible this child is damaged?" "I don't like the term 'damaged,' but, yes, there is an infinitely small percentage that there was some effect on the egg before conception. However, it is so infinitely small a percentage that it's negligible." He laid a comforting hand on her shoulder and smiled. "Put it out of your mind. Think only about the miracle you have been given. One that, I must admit, I would have expected to have been met with at least speechless surprise or a summons for the expectant father to come here immediately to hear the happy news. I can replicate some good, old fashioned smelling salts for the occasion." As she shifted away from his hand on her shoulder, B'Elanna's head snapped towards his. "There will be no need for that, Doctor." "Well, a stimulant in a hypospray then. Knowing Mr. Paris, he's going to be rather shocked to find out that he's going to be a father in roughly seven and a half months. You want me to make up some pretence and ask the Captain to send him down here from the Bridge so you can tell him?" "I'm not going to tell him-" "Oh, of course. Perhaps it might be better to break it to him gently tonight after dinner. I doubt it would be easy for him to pilot the ship while his head's in the proverbial clouds, thinking up baby names." "I'm not going to tell him tonight, because-" "You can't wait too long, Lieutenant. He'll notice you administering your daily anti-nausea injections." "He won't notice because there will be nothing to see. I want you to terminate this pregnancy." In his entire existence, the EMH had been shocked a few times by what the crew had said or done, but nothing had prepared him for such an emotionless and unexpected statement as this. "Terminate... You're saying you don't want the baby?" "That's precisely what I'm saying." "Lieutenant -- B'Elanna, you've just had a shock. You're not thinking-" "Don't try telling me that I'm not thinking straight! I've told you what I want done." Her tone told him she would brook no argument and he straightened up to his full height. "Even if I thought you knew what you were saying-" "I do. I didn't want children to begin with and the possibility that it might be damaged only re-enforces that desire to remain childless." "I told you the chances of this child being 'damaged' as you call it are-" "But they still exist. I want this pregnancy terminated." "I am legally obligated to wait for twenty-four hours before performing any abortions that are not dictated by a life-threatening necessity. You are perfectly healthy, Lieutenant. You could use more rest, certainly, and regular meals, but that's nothing out of the ordinary. Other than that, you're perfectly capable of carrying this child to term. As for any possible 'damage' to the child... that can be fixed during the pregnancy or after the birth, provided there is such a need. Therefore, I must wait until after the twenty- four hours are up before carrying out your... request. *If* you still wish it at that time." "Fine. I'll be back tomorrow." She started for the door but his next announcement stopped her. "And you'll have to have Mr. Paris, the father of the child you are wishing to do away with, sign the form agreeing to the procedure." She glared at him. "This has nothing to do with him." "'Nothing to do with him?!'" He shook the tricorder at her. "You forget who just took your readings. That includes a genetic scan on the child. It matches that of Mr. Paris. Not that I'd expect it to be otherwise of course." "Are you saying that if he doesn't sign that form, I will be forced to continue with this pregnancy?" "Legally, no, you couldn't be *compelled* to carry the child. If a surrogate mother could be found amongst the crew, then the foetus would be transferred to her and it would be she who would carry the child to term." "I do not want any surrogate mother." "But Mr. Paris-" "I will handle, Mr. Paris." She started for the door only to whirl around half way there. "And this stays between the three of us. I don't want anyone finding out about this. Do I make myself clear?" "Your medical condition is confidential, of course, Lieutenant." "Then keep it that way." Confused, he watched her stomp out. --- Tom smiled broadly at the woman curled up in a corner of his couch when he entered his quarters. "This is a nice surprise," he said, removing his uniform jacket and turtleneck. "I thought you had a double shift again today." "I got Carey to cover this shift." His smile widened if that were possible. "And I'm free. Dinner?" "No. I... I need to tell you something." He dropped down onto the cushion next to her and tried to draw her into his arms. "Can it wait?" he asked, nuzzling her ear. "I've missed you." Shrugging him off, she leapt from the couch and put as much space between them as she could. "It can't wait." His smile became a frown. "What is it? What's wrong?" "I wasn't feeling well today so I went to Sickbay." She held up a hand to him when he surged up off of the couch. "I... The Doctor soon found out what was wrong with me." "What was it?" Taking a deep breath, she squared her shoulders. In a detached voice she slowly and succinctly told him what had happened. "I went to the Doctor for relief from nausea that I've been feeling lately. He discovered that our contraceptive implants have ceased to function and probably haven't functioned since we took the Flyer out on that last test run and that console nearly electrocuted us. Because they've ceased to work, when we made love after being released from Sickbay, I became pregnant." For a moment, Tom was silent, processing what she had said, then he was up and off of the couch, ready to embrace her, but her raised hand stopped him once more. "I want this pregnancy terminated as soon as possible, but the Doctor says there's twenty-four hour waiting period and you have to sign off on the procedure." It took him close to a minute to find his voice. "You-" He cleared his throat. "You want an abortion?" Her chin went up imperceptibly. "Yes. With the radiation we were exposed to, plus the treatment afterwards to repair the damage done to us by it, the risk is too great that this child will have been damaged by it all." "What exactly did the Doctor say? How badly has the baby been effected?" "That doesn't matter. What does is, I don't want this pregnancy to continue. Tomorrow, I will be going back to Sickbay and, at some time prior to that, you'll have to go there to tell him you agree to the procedure." Shaking his head, he started for the dining chair over which he had draped his turtleneck and jacket. "I'm going to get some straight answers out of him," he announced, slipping on his discarded clothing. "I can't believe there's nothing that he can do to help our baby. The our radiation exposure was minor...." Something in her posture made him stop. "What is it? What aren't you telling me?" He reached for her. "You aren't-- It hasn't effected you, too, has it? You aren't-" "Medically, I am fine." "Then what's wrong? What aren't you telling me?" She stepped away once more. His hands did not want to release her at first yet did when it became apparent she was in no mood to be touched. She strode over to the window to stare out at the stars streaking by at warp, her back stiff. "B'Elanna, talk to me. Please." "Do you remember months ago when you told me you wanted to have children? What I said then?" "You said you didn't want children yet." "And you said it sounded like it was adding an unsaid 'or ever' to that statement." "And you said you'd think about it." "Well, I have thought about it and I've realized that I don't want children. Especially not after this." "This what?" he asked in a small voice. "'This' radiation. 'This' everything." She turned to face him. "Tom, think of everything that's happened to me in my life. The number of medical procedures I've had to undergo here on Voyager alone. Think of what that has to have done to my ova." "B'Elanna, you said yourself that you're medically sound. There's no reason-" "And what about my job? How am I supposed to do my job when my stomach's out to here? I won't be able to get near the consoles. I won't be able to crawl through the Jefferies tubes. And the nausea is a bad enough now, but what if it gets worse? The Doctor gave me this injection that got rid of it, but I'll have to inject myself every day and what if it stops working?" "If it stops working, we'll find something else to help you. As for carrying the baby being a disruption to your work..." He took a deep breath then told her something he had sworn to himself he never would tell her so peace would be kept aboard ship. "If you don't want to carry the baby, I think Seven would agree to carry it for us." Her eyes narrowed. "Why the Hell would you think she'd agree to something like that?" "Because that same night that we talked about having children, she was listening in." "What?" "She hadn't called off her surveillance of us as the Captain had told her to. She heard every word we said that night and it... intrigued her. She did some research. Talked to Sam Wildman about why she had Naomi. Then she talked to the Captain and Chakotay and Tuvok about it -- never mentioning our names, she assured me. Basically, the answers everyone gave her didn't satisfy her and they told her she would understand if she ever became a mother. So she decided to pursue that angle of investigation." "How?" "She came to me to ask that I father her child." B'Elanna vented her fury in a menacing growl. "She felt that since I wanted children and you were unwilling and she was sure that I would agree to supplying the half of DNA for the child. I managed to talk her out of it naturally," he assured her, not making mention of Seven's almost taking his DNA sample from the tissue archive to impregnate herself without his permission. "I think she would be interested in carrying the child. For the purely scientific investigation of it all." "No." "But it is the perfect solution. She carries it and you won't have to worry about the pregnancy effecting your work habits. Besides, if the radiation or the treatment did effect the egg this baby came from, Seven's nanoprobes might help repair-" "No!" "Why not? It solves all of your concerns. You won't have to have your body or life too interrupted by the pregnancy. Any problems with the baby will be fixed." "She came to my lover, asks him to father her child, all in the name of research, and I'm just supposed to meekly agree to let her carry our child?" "You know how naive she is about some things, B'Elanna. She just didn't think anything was wrong with the request." "I don't want Seven that involved in our lives." "She's already involved in our lives. It's a small ship. And if you're worried that she would become attached to the baby-" "Which she will." Had he been less frustrated by all the arguing, Tom might have thought about what he said before blurting it out, but he was angry and he did say what he said. "How can you say she'll get attached to it? You're the mother and you clearly aren't." B'Elanna stiffened even farther if possible and said nothing. Regretting what he had just said, Tom sighed. "B'Elanna, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. But, this is our baby you're talking about here, not some damaged coil or a faulty gelpack." He moved closer and gently laid a hand over her abdomen. "Our child. Yours and mine. I can't understand why you don't seem to want it. No matter what." She stepped back two paces. "And would you still love it if it comes out deformed? If it has three eyes instead of two? If it has no arms or too many? If it can't ever hear? Or speak? Or think for itself? If it's something too hideous to look at?" "I'd never care about those things. He or she would be our child and that's all that matters." "And what about what everyone else thinks? What about if everyone else cringes when they look at it? What if they make fun of it? Treat it like something horrible? Treat it like some freak or monster?" Tom nodded. "So this isn't about the baby at all, is it? This is about how you were treated when you were going up. How you were treated by the kids because you were the only half-Klingon on Kessik IV? You're worried that our baby go through what you did? Who would do that to him or her? Certainly no one aboard Voyager, that's for sure. And we're still a long way from home so any narrow- minded idiots there don't factor into it either." Before she could object, he continued. "And as for any deformities, what makes you think the Doctor can't do something about that, either while the baby's still in the womb or afterwards? Even if he can't, does it really matter so much? Matter more than the fact that this is our baby?" "I went through Hell growing up because of what I looked like. I wished over and over again that my parents had never had me. I will not do that to anyone else." He grabbed her upper arms. "Is that how you still feel? After so many strides you've taken towards accepting your heritage, human and Klingon? Do you feel that strongly that people here or back home are so incapable of interacting with someone different from them that the merest chance that our child might not be perfect -- whatever 'perfect' is -- that you'd be willing to kill it before it's even born?" "Yes," she spit at him. In shock, Tom slowly released her and stepped back. "Then I guess there's nothing left for us to say, is there." "Only that you'll tell the Doctor that you agree to the procedure." He shook his head. "I can't do that. I won't do that. You're not... I can't honestly believe you've thought this through." "I have. I'm never going to have children." "Never is a very long time. You might change your mind." "Never, because I plan to ask the Doctor to prevent it from ever happening again." "You mean you're going to ask him to sterilize you?" "Yes." "And what about us? What if you do change your mind and we want children later? What then?" She looked away. "I may have to consult you about this pregnancy, but I don't about this. It's my body and my choice. I will be going to Sickbay after Alpha shift tomorrow. I'll expects you to have seen the Doctor about authorizing the procedure." "I won't do it." "You don't have any other choice." The doors swished closed behind her before he could come up with another argument in his favour. --- "I want to talk to you." Turning towards the doors to the corridor, Seven lifted a brow at the newcomer. "Yes, Lieutenant Torres?" "What did you think you were doing asking Tom to father your child?" The former Borg took a moment before answering. "Mr. Paris has finally told you of my request." "Yeah, he finally told me." "And I assume he also told you of his rejection of my request?" "Yeah, that too. What did you think you were doing? First ignoring the Captain's order to stop watching us, then asking him that?" "I believed the Captain had not completely seen the value of my research. As for asking Mr. Paris to be the father of my child, he had expressed an interest in fatherhood and you had not in motherhood. May I ask why this has come up now?" "That's none of your business." "Mr. Paris has asked you again to consent to having children?" "What he may or may not have done is none of your business. You stay out of our lives. Is that explicitly expressed enough for you to understand?" "What I do not understand is your reluctance to have children. At the time of my enquiries, Ensign Wildman appeared to be completely in favour of children. In fact, she stated that there was 'a bond that forms the moment you hear the doctor tell you you're pregnant. It's this realization that there's a new little person growing inside you.' Are you not curious to see if that indeed is the case?" Looking at a spot just to the left of the other woman, B'Elanna clenched her fists at her sides. "Getting pregnant just to see if a bond will be created is not the reason to have a child." "Voyager will require a replacement crew in the future. Children should be a consideration. And as you and Lieutenant Paris are one couple in the small number who have formed lasting romantic attachments, children-" "Sometimes there greater considerations to take into account." "You worry about Voyager's near constant state of peril? Ensign Wildman also said she considered that, though she-" "I am not going to have this discussion with you. Sufficed to say, you will stay out of this and leave us alone." Not the least bit dissuaded from her curiosity, Seven watched her leave. --- "Mr. Paris. I... thought I'd be seeing you." Tom lowered himself to the chair before the hologram's desk. "I want to know everything. How plausible are her fears?" "She's told you." Tom's eyes shifted from his. "Yes, she told me. All of it." "All of it?" "The baby. The possible genetic abnormalities." He swallowed hard. "The abortion. I need to know if there's even the slightest chance she's right. If there is the chance you won't be able to undo any damage that's been done to the child." "Mr. Paris, I doubt that will be the case. As I told her, I doubt there's any damage been done to the foetus at all for that matter, but I'm sure-" Tom's blue eyes speared the hologram. "Is there a chance you're wrong?" "There's always a chance of anything and everything happening. Now, if you ask me how great that chance is, then I'd have to say only slightly greater than the chances of any child that has not been exposed to radiation. Added to that, conception was only *after* the treatment you two had received so it decreases the chances even further." "But you can't guarantee the child is okay." "Mr. Paris, there are no guarantees in life, you know that." "Yeah." "You need to think long and hard about this, Lieutenant. Once this child is gone, nothing I can do will bring it back." Tom nodded. "What about the future? What if B'Elanna became pregnant again? Are the rest of her ova safe?" "As they had not matured yet, I'd say there should be no concerns there. Once this baby's born I can double check them and see if there is any cause for concern." Not answering, Tom stood. "I mean it when I say think long and hard about this." Nodding, Tom slowly walked out. --- "Tom?" He had been so preoccupied with his thoughts, he had not even heard his quarters' doors open. Sitting up a little straighter in his armchair, he peered through the darkness of his cabin and could just make out the outline B'Elanna, standing just inside the closed door to the corridor. "Why are you here, B'Elanna?" "I came to bring you this, Tom." He followed her eyes as she looked down to what she had brought. In her arms was a something bulky and oddly shaped yet he could not make it out. "Lights fifty percent," he called and the computer responded instantly to his request. He still could not fully see what it was she had in her arms. "Lights full." In the full illumination, his jaw dropped as it became clear what it was that she carried. At least, what it was meant to be. The blanket-wrapped being clearly had been intended by Nature to have been a Klingon-human baby, though the intentions had gone sorely awry. One long, torturous look at the infant was enough to turn his stomach and wonder how anything so deformed could possibly have survived gestation let alone birth and beyond. "It's our child, Tom," B'Elanna told him and his eyes lifted from the baby to her blank expression. "It's our baby," she repeated. "Don't you want to hold him? Don't you want to tell him you love him? You said you'd love him no matter what. Well, the 'no matter what' is here, Tom. Don't you love him?" She moved forward with the now wiggling infant, trying to hand him over to his father. Reflexively, he recoiled. "Hold your son, Tom," she insisted in a detached voice. "Hold the son you told me would be perfectly normal. Explain to him how the Doctor can't undo what's been done to him, how he's going to have to spend the rest of his life like this, a freak, a monster, something even his own father can't stand the sight of. Tell him." Tom woke with a start. Around him, all was darkness. There was no B'Elanna and no baby. He was alone with himself and the decision he had to make. 'What did it mean?' he asked himself, trying to calm his breathing. 'A worst case scenario that never could happen and brought into my nightmare only because of B'Elanna's own fears? Or is my subconscious trying to tell me something? Are her fears secretly my own as well? If they are, what then?' He stared up into the blackness where the ceiling must be, all the thought swirling around in his brain and only one being heard above all the others: 'I wish this had never happened.' --- "Lieutenant, do you know what time it is?" He nodded to the Captain, ignoring her peach coloured robe and negligee. "I'm sorry, but I need to speak to you." After rubbing the sleep from her eyes and taking a good look at his haggard expression, she bit off the angry comment she was about to make and stepped aside so he could enter. Taking a seat on the couch, she watched him prowl about the dimly-lit room. "What is it, Tom?" "I have a request. One I know you're initially not going to want to approve, but I think, after you've thought about it, you will agree to." "Go ahead," she prompted when he fell silent. "This is in confidence. I... B'Elanna won't want this to get out and... and I won't either I suppose. It would defeat the purpose of the request if everyone aboard knew about it and I didn't." "Tom, you're not making sense." "I want your word. This stays here, in these quarters." "If I can give it, then, yes, you will have it." "B'Elanna's pregnant." Kathryn suppressed her instinctual smile and the hearty congratulations that she wanted to offer. She sensed they would not be welcomed. "She doesn't want the baby. In fact, she doesn't want any children whatsoever. She wants an abortion and the Doctor to sterilize her so she won't ever get pregnant again." "But why?" He outlined B'Elanna's reasons, his frustration with the situation evident in every word. "I've tried talking to her about it," he added after the recital of facts was finished, "and it hasn't got me anywhere. I don't what to do, but part of me can't help but wonder if she's right. I mean, she knows what she went through as a child. I don't. I'm completely human. I never had to deal with the sort of ignorance that she did. Growing up, I led a privileged life compared to hers. Is it fair of me to try to convince her that I'm right and she's wrong when I know nothing about her side of things?" "Tom, I can't answer that. But as for the medical concerns she has, if the Doctor says she and the baby will be fine and the chances they won't are so small, I'd tend to believe him." "What if he's wrong? What if I'm wrong when I tell her I'd love our child regardless? What if it is somehow 'damaged' as she calls it? What if I can't blindly love it like I think I could?" "I can't guarantee you will love it even if it's perfectly normal, but I know you, Tom. You have a good and a big heart. I'm sure you will take one look at that child, no matter what it looks like, and love it completely. That's just the way you are." "But there are no guarantees it'll be like that." "No." He stopped pacing and stood before her. "But there is one guarantee I can get. I want you to instruct the Doctor to remove my memories of the past few hours." "What?" "Once he's... done what B'Elanna wants, I want no memory of it. Later, if the subject of children ever comes up again, he can just say that B'Elanna was sterilized by the radiation or as a result of some past infection or illness that could not be treated properly. He could say it was because of something that happened while she was with the Maquis. They didn't have very good medical care. Something like that could have happened easily. If I have no memories of any of this, I'll accept that as a plausible explanation." "Tom, I can't have your memories removed. I...." "You can. I've looked into it. The Doctor is permitted to take such steps if the Captain authorizes it. All you have to do is tell him to do it. You'll have my consent so there won't be any arguing about impropriety. I can give you a signed request to be used later if Starfleet ever finds out about this and questions you. You'll have to seal the records of course, especially the notation of all this in B'Elanna's medical records, but-" "Tom, I just can't do it. Tampering with a person's memories can be risky. It's only done in very specific circumstances and these don't qualify. I'm heartbroken for you, Tom, and I'll talk to B'Elanna, try to change her mind, but can't agree to your request. I just can't." "Captain, please, reconsider." "No, Tom. I can't." He gave her one last, pleading look then left when it became obvious she was not going to agree. --- "I didn't think you'd be asleep," the Captain remarked to the fully dressed woman who answered the doorchime. "May I come in?" B'Elanna gestured her inside. Kathryn took a seat and angled herself to face B'Elanna seated in the opposite end of the couch. "Half an hour ago, I had a visitor in my quarters. Tom. He came to me with a request." She explained what Tom had told her and what he had wanted. The resident of the quarters drew back a little. "If you are here to try to talk me out of this-" "You know I am. B'Elanna, do you have any idea how lucky you are? You have two precious gifts that so many of us aboard would kill to have. Not only do you have the love of a good man like Tom Paris, but now you also have a baby. I can't imagine anyone willingly giving up either of them. And that's what you're doing. Risking losing both of them. I can't agree to Tom's request to remove his memories of all this. It just doesn't meet the necessary criteria. So he's going to be left knowing about all this, knowing what you two had and you let your fears take away from both of you. Tom loves you very much, but I don't know if anyone's love would be strong enough to survive after this." "You're trying to make me chose between him and what he wants and what I know is best." "Do you know it's best? You don't know how this baby's going to come out. Nobody does. After Tom left, I contacted the Doctor to get his opinion on this. He says there's every likelihood this baby will be just fine. As for other people's reactions, whether it *is* fine or not, is that truly a factor? If there is something wrong with the baby, genetic engineering can help. If it can't, is that going to be so much more important than your child?" She leaned towards B'Elanna in her eagerness. "Think about hundreds of years ago on Earth. People who were different, people who were considered abnormal for whatever reason were segregated from the rest of society. They were locked away like they were some sort of an ugly little secret just because they were different than the majority of society. Then people realized that just because they were different, that didn't mean they weren't able to contribute in a positive fashion to society, that they didn't have a value. So they were brought back into the community and they proved they could be just as important as everyone else. But that was centuries ago and even though most illnesses and birth defects are a thing of the past, those things we learned, we haven't forgotten them. If your child is in some way different, he or she won't be treated any differently than any other child." "You can't promise that." "No, I can't, but I know the people here on Voyager. We're family and family won't treat each other that way." "And off of Voyager? Those people aren't family. Even if the only thing wrong with this child would be that it's a half-breed like me, I will not subject it to what I went through." "First of all, there is nothing wrong with you being part-Klingon and when Tom told me you'd said there was, I didn't want to believe you'd said it. I still can't believe you said it. Secondly, keeping that child from ever being born is a rather extreme form of protection, don't you think? And who's going to protect you?" "What's that supposed to mean?" "Protect you from the 'what if's in the middle of the night? 'What if I hadn't done it?' 'What if he or she were here?' And what's going to protect Tom? I've seen him with Naomi. He loves her. I know he wants this child very much. Don't you think between the two of you, that you could protect your child from all of the backward thinking people out there? No, you won't be able to protect him or her from every short-sighted, ill-informed person out there, but just may be, in giving this child the chance to be born, he or she just might change the Universe, change the minds of those same short-sighted, ill-informed people. Having a child isn't merely about enriching your own life. It's about enriching the lives of everyone around you, too." She sighed. "B'Elanna, you and Tom are two of the most extraordinary people I know. Both of you have surmounted incredible odds to get were you are, both professionally and personally. I don't know everything that you went through in your early life, but I do know the woman that it made you and what you've done here. Any child of yours and Tom's can't help but turn out to be as strong and remarkable as you two are. All it will take is a little help from his or her parents. You just have to give yourself that chance." Kathryn reached out to cup B'Elanna's cheek. "Ask yourself this: if you hadn't been subjected to that radiation, if you were entirely human, like Tom, would you still be wanting this baby and any chance of siblings for him or her gone? If you can honestly say 'yes, you wouldn't be doing anything different,' then you should do this. But if you can't say 'yes,' I want you to think about that. There's such a slim chance of something being medically wrong with the baby. There's an equally small chance that anyone's here's ever going to be intolerant to him or her because he or she's not entirely human or Klingon. And we're so far away from home that your child will be an adult by the time we reach there and will be more than ready to take on all those who don't treat him or her with the respect he or she deserves. I know that will be the case because this baby's mother certainly can do that and does. You and Tom will be good parents, B'Elanna. Just don't let doubts and fears stop you from having the chance to enjoy this gift you two have been given and prove that to yourselves." Sensing she had made her point, the Captain rose to walk out, not wishing to press her luck further. --- "We need to talk," B'Elanna stated, staring at a point somewhere in the centre of Tom's chest. Though she could not see him do so, he nodded. Turning to one side, he motioned her into his quarters. --- Chakotay frowned heavily as Baytart relieved Lang at the Conn. He opened his mouth to ask Pablo where was Tom Paris, the pilot who was scheduled to take Alpha shift, but a tiny sound from the Captain drew his attention. She was very pale and he could have sworn her eyes were filling with tears. Without comment, she practically flew up the stairs and into the turbolift. In complete silence, everyone on the Bridge stared after first the Captain then their First Officer who hurried after her. --- "Captain?" "Where are they?" The Doctor frowned and looked around at his empty Sickbay. "Who?" The doors behind her opened and she whirled around to see a very concerned Chakotay enter. He touched her arm. "Are you okay? The way you left the Bridge...." She turned her back on him. "Doctor, where B'Elanna and Tom. Don't tell me you've already-" "Captain," the hologram interrupted, "I really don't think we should continue this conversation at this time." He shot a glance at the perplexed third party to indicate his point. "Just tell me they haven't been here." "No one's been here. Thank goodness, if you catch my drift." She blinked in confusion. "But Tom's not on the Bridge. Baytart is. And I asked the Computer if B'Elanna was in Engineering like she's supposed to be and it said 'no.'" "I haven't seen either of them since yesterday." "Will someone please tell me what's going on?" Chakotay demanded. "No," replied the Captain. "Computer, locations of Tom Paris and B'Elanna Torres?" The computer's answer was unnecessary as the very pair she had been so concerned about entered Sickbay. "Please rethink this," the Captain almost begged, taking a step towards the couple. B'Elanna and Tom glanced at each other, then Tom nodded to B'Elanna. She tried to say something, yet clearly could not find the words. In the end, all she did was give the Captain a tiny smile and laid both of her hands protectively over her still-flat stomach. Smiling a slightly broader smile than his mate, Tom moved behind her to wrap his arms around her and lay one big hand over her two. Janeway almost crumpled with relief and only the Doctor's quick movement caught her elbow and helped her maintain her balance. Chakotay blankly looked from one pair to the other. --- The End