The BLTS Archive - Soliloquies
#4: One Step Forward
by Mari (mari1529@my-deja.com)

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Disclaimer:  Paramount owns them, I'm just borrowing them for no
monetary use whatsoever.

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I got hurt. Bad.

We were on our way home after our mission extension.

I don't remember what actually happened. My X.O. tells me that Ensign
Martin snapped and stabbed me. There was poison on the blade.

I was comatose for two weeks. Death's door.

While I was in limbo, for lack of a better term, all the progress I've
made got shot to hell. I created a dream world where Deanna and I were
married, with several children. It was great.

Then I woke up.

Everytime I close my eyes, I see that dream.

I wish I hadn't woken up.

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We're six months from home. Everyone's looking forward to hitting
Federation space. I've left standing orders that if Enterprise shows
up to chat, fire the phasers. We aren't going back.

In some ways, my near-death experience has had some interesting
ramifications.

I've realized something. I *always* did all the work in Deanna and I's
relationship. I chased her. I convinced her to date me. I always made
the first move. When we met again, I was willing. She said we
couldn't.Not while we were serving together. She didn't want to risk
out positions, then our friendship.

But I made her wait too long. I never showed her that I was willing to
commit.

I still love her. But I will get over her.

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The End