The BLTS Archive - Soliloquies
#3: Give Up Giving In
by Mari (mari1529@my-deja.com)

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Disclaimers:   Paramount owns them. I don't. And I'm not making money
off this, so just leave me to my fun, Sherry, okay???

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This is one hell of a New Year's Eve.

Guess what I'm giving up?

I can't keep hoping against hope for something that's never going to
happen.

It's over. Finis. End of story.

We were halfway home. After five years...

So what happens? Enterprise. Nechayev. Mission extension.

I had dinner with my friends and their families. I took my command
crew. They really liked hearing about how I got stuck in chiffon on
Haven.

God, even Data has kids now. Some energy field encounter that they
really can't discuss transformed him. Same brain, human body. His baby
girl - Tasha - is the apple of her daddy's eye. Jack Picard is a
complete terror. Serves Jean-Luc right. Deanna and Worf have four kids
now, one more due any day now. Motherhood suits her.

Discovered one thing though: that damned link is still active. Morning
sickness.  My CMO thought it was hysterical.

Beverly, Deanna and Worf did not. Beverly was mad because I never went
to her for help five years ago. Deanna was mad because she thought I'd
been "eavesdropping" for five years. Worf was mad because I knew he
was gonna be a father before he did.

I could have cared less, considering that my head was in the toilet
and my old C.O. was holding my head.

They were mollified when informed it was proximity and was more a case
of recognizing her condition.

Jean-Luc is probably the only one who can somewhat understand. He had
to see Bev with Jack Crusher.

I still love her.

However, I resolve to stop loving her. Needing her. Missing her.
Wanting her.

I deserve to be happy in spite of her. My heart's bled enough. I *can*
do this.

I just don't know how to.

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The End