The BLTS Archive - Over Seska's Dead Body
by MagicalM. (maquishunter@yahoo.com)

---

Published: 06-04-05 - Updated: 06-10-05

Credits: A very special thanks to Jadie for the beta.

Disclaimer: Of course its Paramount's universe, I just took
it out for a spin.

---

After hearing the Doctor's news, Chakotay viewed Seska's
body and went to his quarters. Physically exhausted but
unable to sit still, he changed into his sweats for a couple
rounds in the ring.

"Computer, is there a free holodeck."

"Both holodecks are unoccupied."

"Reserve holodeck one for Commander Chakotay." He tossed his
com-badge on the coffee table and left.

He entered the holodeck and started his boxing program, but
then, re-thinking the idea, Chakotay initiated the security
lock outs and commanded, "Computer run 'Chakotay nature
program alpa3'."

The sweaty boxing gym transformed into a dense tropical
forest alive with birds, amphibians and reptiles. Chakotay
set out to run a footpath heading up a hill. The path led
deep into the jungle.

Unaware that he ran at full stride for well over an hour,
Chakotay slowed, satisfied that his mind was only aware of
the tightness of his body. Still aching from the night on
the Precambrian M class planet, the moisture in the holodeck
soothed him, but every muscle was over exerted and shaking.

Stopping above a stream, Chakotay grabbed an overhanging
tree branch for support. He tried to concentrate on the
running water, but as soon as his heartbeat slowed, Seska,
the smiling Cardassian, loomed in his mind. Too tired to
keep running from her, he winced in pain.

Remembering Seska, the Bajoran, he was torn between anger
and grief. He loved that angry Bajoran whom he tried to
reach. But she was a lie. What's more, the child he accepted
in his heart was also a lie.

He thought he loved her! Seska was the enemy he embraced; a
Cardassian woman who would steal his DNA and gloat over her
triumph. He shuddered at the betrayal and felt defeated by
his tactical failures.

Bending over and coughing, his stomach began to retch.
Chakotay could have hurled everything in him, but his last
meal was survival eggs and cucumbers planet-side 24 hours
ago.

Chakotay seated himself against a tree near the water and
held his head in his hands. For a brief moment, he thought
he might cry but couldn't find a single tear. Not for Seska,
and not for the Kazon's child. Reeling from the loss of
Suder, Hogan, and Kirch; Maquis who had served under him for
years. The excruciating emotional pain of slow acting
Cardassian venom gnawed away inside him. It was not the kind
of pain that brought tears, but torment instead. Finally
catching his breath, Chakotay realized beating the hell of
his body wasn't going to take it away.

Washing his face in the water, he managed to soak his shirt
and his pant legs. Seeing his wet shirt, he took it off and
used it to rinse off the sweat. Looking around, he found the
holodeck exit.

---

The door to the Captain's quarters chimed.

"Come," answered Janeway, seated on the couch in a black
shirt and grey slacks, so similar to her uniform that they
might has well have been Starfleet issue.

B'Elanna entered. "Captain, you asked me to stop by when it
was convenient."

"Yes, I did. Please have a seat."

The engineer seated herself opposite the captain and wrung
her hands in her lap.

"Can I offer you something? Coffee?" Janeway motioned to a
metal pot.

Everyone still had a slight chill in their bones from the
arid planet. Or was it from Seska?

"Sure," she replied.

"B'Elanna, it is not my habit to ask members of my crew to
divulge personal information about another crew member."
Handing her the mug, she went on, "But it is not everyday
that I lose my ship to my first officer's ex-lover. Chakotay
is not responding to anyone at the moment and I am
concerned."

B'Elanna clasped both hands around the mug and studied the
captain cautiously.

Janeway continued, "Chakotay will share what he likes with
whom he likes, but Seska. . .  Seska was found dead in my
ready room. The whole crew has been shaken by the last few
days. I never would've thought our hold on Voyager could be
so precarious. We have three dead. The whole experience has
left me feeling a little haunted. But by a ghost I do not
understand."

"Captain," B'Elanna stammered and took a deep 'I'm in
control' breath, "I'm glad that you have asked me here to
talk about Seska."

"Really?"

"Ever since we found out she was a Cardassian, some
disturbing pieces came together in my mind. I tried to talk
to Chakotay, but. . . lets just say he wouldn't listen."

Kathryn smiled at B'Elanna's restraint, aware that her first
officer was not the man he used to be. She let the sentence
drop without question or comment.

"B'Elanna, setting aside the puzzle of the Commander's
personal feelings, do you have any idea why Seska was so
obsessed with Commander Chakotay? It's like he was some kind
of diabolical target for her."

"A good description, Captain. For Seska, it was about power.
I mean their whole relationship. She was a Cardassian
operative that infiltrated the Starfleet Academy and then
the Maquis, but the more I think about the energy she put
into seducing Chakotay, it was personal from day one."

"Personal?"

"Captain, it's like Cardassian torture techniques. They will
use torture simply to break the will of an individual even
when they know that the individual has no useful
information. It is not about the information, it is about
owning and controlling that person's will. A game of
domination, a power play."

"B'Elanna, few know this, but I was captured by the
Cardassians on my first deep space assignment. We had covert
operations break us out, but I was incarcerated long enough
to witness what you are saying."

B'Elanna looked up at her Captain and continued confidently,
"Then you must see the psychological warfare. Seska was a
Cardassian trying to break a man's will, but we couldn't see
it because of her Bajoran physiology."

"What did this 'psychological warfare' look like back when
you were a Maquis?"

"For one, she tried her damnedest to use sex to manipulate
him. She did her level best to try to control Chakotay just
like she worked the Kazon Maje. But he put an end to it.
Chakotay would not allow her to use their personal
relationship to compromise his command and that was the
power she wanted."

"To what end? What power could she wield for the Cardassians
as a Bajoran aboard a Maquis vessel?"

B'Elanna decided suddenly to change modes, and blurted out,
"Captain, you are going to need specific examples to see
what I am saying. A picture of what it was like. I know the
exact day that Chakotay took Seska into his bed because she
boasted to me about it the next day."

Janeway's face went blank, unsure why she was being given
this information, but wanting to understand the history, she
didn't stop B'Elanna.

"It was after one of our greatest successes in battle. We
were mining the perimeter of a moon that they used to launch
heavy raids against Maquis colonies. Near the end of our
mission, three Cardassian warships came in as we were
heading out. We came under heavy fire and sustained a hell
of a lot of damage. Between Chakotay's creative maneuvering
and Seska's 'lucky shots' we destroyed, not disabled, but
destroyed all three ships."

"You are suggesting that she killed her own people to gain
leverage in their personal relationship?"

"Exactly! One moment we thought we were as good as dead and
the next moment we were flying through Cardassian debris.
And Seska was cheering on Chakotay for getting us through
it!"

Janeway looked a little pale as she repeated, "She fired the
shots that destroyed the Cardassians?"

"Yes, Captain." B'Elanna met Janeway's sober stare. She
continued, "The Maquis spirits were pretty high that night
on the colony. Seska rode the wave of the celebration and
hung as close to Chakotay as she could all night. He left
the party alone and she was gone soon after. Captain, she
actually told me that she compromised the security to his
quarters and entered while he was changing!"

Realizing that she had gotten carried away in describing
Seska's outrageous behaviour, B'Elanna leaned back in her
seat. "Any way, as a Bajoran, her excitement at our success
wasn't surprising, but when I found out she was Cardassian.
. .  I remembered that night and my blood ran cold. I'm sure
it was all part of a premeditated attempt to get at
Chakotay."

"And have you never talked to him about this? Found out if
he sees it the same way?"

"Are you kidding? Dredge up his sex life with Seska! I
wouldn't dare, at least not without a bat-leth!"

The Captain changed the course of her questioning. "You said
she was trying to control him, compromise his command, in
what way?"

"Captain, in Chakotay's cell there was a strict rule of
non-aggressive action towards Starfleet and Federation
ships. Don't get me wrong, we had our share of skirmishes
when it couldn't be avoided. But where other Maquis might
raid the Federation for much needed supplies and inflict
Federation casualties, no matter how low we were if any of
Chakotay's people were caught engaging in a Federation raid.
. .   Well, he didn't pull any punches."

"So where did he get his supplies?"

"As one of the highest ranking Starfleet officers to join
the Maquis, I'm guessing Chakotay came well connected."

"You think that someone in Starfleet gave him supplies?"
Janeway asked incredulously.

"I'm saying he had connections, and most of the time we did
not have to steal. I never saw a Federation vessel leave
medical supplies or weapons, but Chakotay knew where to
find," B'Elanna emphasized, "Federation supplies waiting for
him. He never explained their origin."

"Fascinating."

"But, Seska 'the Bajoran' was determined to increase the
hostility of the crew towards the Federation and openly
criticized him for being too Starfleet. At times we thought
she was right. She knew the Maquis mindset better than any
of us, and knew how to use it against him. That is until one
day when she fired on a Federation runabout and he
physically threw her from the console. I think that was the
end of any physical intimacy. It was all of six weeks from
her initial boasting." B'Elanna drank some of her coffee.
"As I re-think it all, knowing that she was a Cardassian
infiltrator, my guess is that her official objective was to
uncover Chakotay's Starfleet support and her personal
objective was to break down Chakotay's Federation
loyalties."

"Break him? How?"

"Badger him about his Federation ties. Remind about his
comfy job teaching at the Academy, while the Federation let
his family die. He was grieving and angry and she fueled it
with luring arguments. Sex was one weapon, but manipulating
anger was her forte. Seska wanted to set the targets and
tried to toy with all of us to get her way."

"And how did he respond?"

"He was pretty tolerant. A Maquis leader trying to reach an
angry wounded Bajoran. She could act real sweet when she
needed to, and he mistook her for sincere, but he wasn't
controlled by her. At least most of the time. Often it
backfired, and the anger she was toying with blew up at her.
It was really weird though, when he'd yell at her, she'd
poise herself like he just complimented her on her figure."
B'Elanna paused and reflected, "As I see it, Seska put her
body, mind, and soul into that power struggle and lost.
Imagine, Captain, after all her effort at sowing seeds of
hatred towards Starfleet, the final blow she must have took
when he chose to become your first officer and handed out
Starfleet uniforms to the Maquis!"

"Thank you, B'Elanna. That explains a lot." Janeway leaned
back against the couch, stared up into empty space and let
out a long sigh. "I'm worried about the crew. Without a
ship's counselor, I've relied on Chakotay's skills to help
in that area. But I think he feels responsible. . . 
responsible for losing the ship, for the deaths, and I can't
reach him. If we are going to come through this and recover
the crew's confidence and morale, I need him. Can you help
me reach him?"

"I'm not sure how?"

"He needs to talk to someone. You are his closest friend."

"I don't know, Captain. Sometimes I think I'm his friend
because he doesn't have to talk to me. I just whip his butt
in hover ball, but I doubt if that's going to do the trick
this time."

"Will you talk to him with me?"

"He'll think we are ganging up on him."

"He'll be right. If had a ship's counselor, I'd order him to
get help. But I don't, so I don't see any other options. Do
you?"

"No, Ma'am. When did you have in mind?"

"Computer, locate Commander Chakotay."

"Commander Chakotay is in his quarters."

---

After the third attempt to ring Chakotay in his quarters,
Janeway used a security override. Both women entered the
dark room.

"Lights, one third illumination," said Janeway.

The commander, who was sitting in the dark, became visible.
He was face down on his table, naked from the waist up, his
bare arms and shoulders covering the table's surface. His
com-badge and wet shirt were on the floor near where
B'Elanna was standing.

Janeway and B'Elanna exchanged an uneasy glance. The captain
whispered, "Maybe now is not a good time."

But B'Elanna held her arm. "You aren't going to chicken out
now."

Walking over to the table, B'Elanna knocked on its surface
as though she was playing tough. But at the same time, she
subtly touched his wrist to check for a pulse.

She jolted when Chakotay grabbed her wrist and jerked his
head up. "I'm not dead yet, Bel. But the computer could have
confirmed that so what do you want?"

"Just concerned. Were you sleeping?"

"Sleep assumes rest. No, that was not restful. I'm sorry for
snapping at you. I should thank you for saving me from the
Hades of my own subconscious."

"That is exactly what we came to do."

"We?" Chakotay looked from B'Elanna to the entrance to his
quarters, and, saw Kathryn standing in the shadows.
"Captain? Uh, excuse me. Please both of you sit down. I'll
be a minute."

Chakotay rose from the table to go to his bedroom, and
change out of the pants that were wet up to his knees.

B'Elanna called after him, "Been swimming?"

"I rinsed off in a stream after a run through a rain forest.
I was tired and got more wet than I meant to."

Torres and the captain seated themselves at the table.

Chakotay came back in a pair of loose navy pants. He slipped
a matching shirt over his shoulders. Fastening it with a
single clip above his hip, the fabric hung loosely. He
addressed the captain, "You didn't want me to go anywhere?
Did you?"

"No, not at all. . .  we were just hoping you wouldn't mind
a little company."

He stopped and considered her words. Damn women never say
what they mean! "Well, Captain, if this is a social visit,
I'm not. . . "

"It's not." The captain cut him off flatly.

"I see," he said curtly, standing with his hands behind his
back in a Starfleet 'at ease' position. Reluctant to sit
down and engage in whatever she had in mind, he cocked his
head and waited politely for a better explanation.

In a crisp official voice, the captain continued,
"Commander, if we had a ship's counselor, I would order you
to see him. But since we don't and you need to talk to
someone, we are volunteering. If you want to do it the
Maquis way and yell and throw things, I'm sure B'Elanna can
speak your language. But might I suggest trying the
Starfleet way, or the old Starfleet way, before the days of
ship's counselors."

Janeway pulled a bottle out of a black satchel, which had
gone unnoticed until now, and set it on the table. The
contents of the bottle shone a bright blue in the dim light.
Kathryn Janeway was not one prone to substance abuse; but
she was a pragmatic woman, and some conversations needed
bigger ice breakers than others.

"What. . . " B'Elanna gasped under her breath.

Still standing with his hands behind his back, Chakotay
appraised Kathryn carefully. He shook his head and cracked a
two dimple smile. This by the book Captain, a.k.a pool
shark, never ceased to surprise him. She was so Starfleet,
yet so much more. So she wanted him to talk. . .  he
shrugged and decided to comply.

"I hadn't thought of that." Chakotay grabbed a few glasses
and joined them at the table. Flipping his chair around and
straddling it, he reached over and tousled B'Elanna's hair.
"You see Bel, in Starfleet there is the book and then there
are the traditions."

Puzzled Torres looked from one commanding officer to the
other, conscious that she was the only one in uniform, "And
Romulan Ale is. . .  a Starfleet tradition?"

Janeway laughed. "Let me explain. In the early days of
Starfleet there was the strictest of regulations regarding
alcohol, it was synthohol only. It was new then and most of
the officer's hated it. While the lower ranks generally
developed a taste for whatever 'real' substances they could
find on shore leave, a number of captains and senior
officers developed a taste for Romulan ale. Its contraband,
I know. But it became the habit of a number of these
officers to keep a case in their private possession for
special occasions. These captains eventually became admirals
and, from time to time discreetly gave the younger captains
a departure gift for long missions. In that tradition, I
received a gift of Romulan ale before departing from Deep
Space Nine. I prefer synthoholic wine, so I saw no reason to
open it until now."

Watching Chakotay pour the blue fluid into three glasses,
B'Elanna shook her head, "Some tradition, it seems so
un-Starfleet."

Chakotay swirled blue fluid in his glass. "Starfleet isn't
all policies and protocol. You must know that by now."
Addressing the need for the icebreaker, he added, "I'm
amazed she didn't find it."

"With Suder sabotaging the ship, she mustn't have had time
to sift through my personal items."

Chakotay observed her calm manner. Her ship, her quarters,
her ready room, taken over by Seska! To see Kathryn Janeway
so violated by the likes of Seska, triggered intense
self-loathing. Giving the fluid one more swirl in the cup,
Chakotay looked Janeway in the eye, put it to his lips, and
downed the contents.

"You want me to talk. I'll talk." Pouring another glass, he
lifted it to toast.

B'Elanna, uncomfortable with the familiarity, tried for an
early exit. "Um, Captain, I don't think you'll be needing
me. But Chakotay, before we came here I told the Captain
some things. . . about Seska. You know, in the beginning. I
thought it would help."

He swallowed hard, his jaw locked, and he glared at
B'Elanna.

Bravely B'Elanna, put a hand on Chakotay's arm leans forward
and says, "But it's the captain you need to talk to."

Janeway watched the exchange, seeing the hardness in his
eyes she interjected in a soft command tone, "Lieutenant,
wait. You are correct in assuming that we need to talk about
Seska alone. She has been a point of tension in our working
relationship from day one, but before you go, I want you to
tell Chakotay what you told me about Seska's objectives."

Sighing, B'Elanna slumped back into her seat and rubbed her
face with both her hands. Refocusing on her senior officers,
B'Elanna lifted the glass of ale in front of her. "To Seska,
the best damn Cardassian operative in the Delta Quadrant!"

"And may she be the last," said Kathryn emphatically as she
raised her glass.

"I'll drink to that." Chakotay clinked his glass against
theirs.

He drank a second glassful, clunked it on the table, stood
up and turned his chair the right way around. Sitting down
again, he rolled his shoulders back and stretched his legs
out to a very manly position. Hooking one arm over the back
of the chair and resting the other on his leg, he faced
B'Elanna. "Let's hear it."

Kathryn, watched him closely and realized, on a conscious
level, just how loud his body language is. 'Remarkable,' she
thought, 'how long has he been speaking to me with his
shoulders?'

---

B'Elanna finished citing all the examples from their
military history and his personal affairs that she could to
confirm her theory. Summarizing the whole thing once more
she said, "I think Seska was assigned to us not to uncover
the Maquis actions so much as to find your Starfleet
connections. She helped the Maquis too much to have been
worth it for the Cardassians, unless she was after something
else, like Starfleet. That is why she honed in on you. As a
Cardassian operative, she hated the Federation more than the
Maquis and on a personal score she wanted to break every
Federation ideal in you."

Chakotay's position had changed again during the course of
her monologue, but he did not pour another drink. His
shoulders were slouched, arms folded across his torso, but
his legs still remained wide and relaxed. Raising his hand
to his lips, he pressed his thumb and fore finger against
them, inhaling.

Janeway observed Chakotay's manner. It was controlled but he
appeared exposed on a number of counts. He was embarrassed
by his conduct with Seska, but he was also seriously
guarding something. Starfleet, she concluded in her mind as
she interpreted all his physical messages. B'Elanna nailed
it and he does not want to admit it.

Choosing to rescue Chakotay from a compromising situation,
Janeway interjected, "Thank you, B'Elanna, I'm sure that
provided some food for thought. Sometimes it helps to see
our problems from another person's perspective."

Hearing the unspoken 'dismissed' in the captain's tone,
Torres rose from her seat, "Well then, I'm glad I could
help." She left without another word.

There was silence in the room after the whoosh of the door.
The truth hung between them and Chakotay was slow to make
eye contact with his captain. Casually shifting in his
chair, he faced her more directly. Filling both of their
glasses, he handed Kathryn hers.

"So what did you think?" he asked, seizing the opportunity
to shift the conversation away from a direct confession.

Janeway swallowed and replied, "I can't think of a more
plausible explanation. Except that the whole theory is
dependant upon you having had some pretty substantial
Starfleet connections while you were a Maquis captain."

Rolling the liquid in his mouth, and swallowing, he agreed,
"That it does."

"But it also explains why Seska would prefer a Maquis mutiny
to serving aboard Voyager."

"It does that, too."

Kathryn switched to a more personal tone. "And her obsession
with you."

Only a subtle flash in his eyes revealed his pain at
discussing this with Kathryn, but he met her gaze directly.
"Yes, it would do that, too."

The tension in his muscles began to come back. "What do you
want to know, Kathryn?"

"Oh, I want to know everything." She shook her head. Some of
the very same people who assigned her to pursue his ship may
have provided the munitions he'd need to fight her. "But
this visit is not for me. It's for you. The question is what
do you want to tell me?"

"I can't talk about Starfleet, Kathryn. At least not now, I
. . . ," he was about to say "might say too much" but cut
himself short realizing that that would be saying too much.

Resting her captain's curiosity, Kathryn considered her
friend. "Do you want to talk about Seska?"

He snorted sarcastically, "Oh yeah, let's talk about the
Cardassian whore who gained free access to both of our ships
through my bedroom door!"

To defuse his anger, Janeway said flatly, "You are
embarrassed."

"Damn right I am! Kathryn, if a half naked crew member
crawled through an emergency panel into your quarters, you'd
throw him into the brig not onto your bed!"

She couldn't entirely stifle the laugh at the visual image
of a half naked crewman being bounced down the hallway.
"Yes, you are absolutely right."

Kathryn, wanting to sooth his self-hatred, took a chance.
"Chakotay, did she get what she wanted?"

"What?"

"//Assuming// that there was. . .  information. . .  that you
had, that she wanted, did she get it?"

His eyes began to clear from the power of the Cardassian
venom, "No." The realization spread across his face. "No,
she did not."

Kathryn smiled too, and postulated, "So Seska, the
Cardassian operative, went to all of the trouble of blowing
up Cardassians and crawling around half-naked through
emergency panels to seduce you and what did she gain?"

Chakotay smirks shyly.

Janeway blushed, then rolled her eyes, and retorted, "I mean
other than. . . //that.// . .  What did she gain //for the
Cardassians//. . . ? Nothing"

"When you put it that way. . .  Yeah, that would be about
right."

Leaning his elbows on the table, he rested his forehead on
his hands and chuckled. Looking up at Kathryn again, his
eyes flashed. His countenance denoted friendship and
freedom. Giving her a genuine grin, he said, "Thank you."

"Sometimes all we need is another perspective. . .  that is
why I need you. . . " Kathryn smiled sweetly and squeezed
his arm.

Chakotay rose from the table, taking the narrow glass and
flask in one hand and Kathryn's hand in the other, he guided
her to the sitting area. He sat in the arm chair, while
Kathryn paused to order something from the replicator.
Offering Chakotay some of the assortment of Risan vegetarian
appetizers, she sat on the sofa.

Trying a few pieces, Chakotay spoke around the bite in his
mouth, "You know that I turned down a position as first
officer aboard the Azimuth?"

He knew that Kathryn knew his Starfleet records better than
he did, but it was an opportunity to change the subject.
But, to her surprise, rather than avoiding personal issues
he invited her into another.

"Yes, instead you took a position teaching advanced tactical
at Starfleet."

Chewing intently on the first morsels of food he'd eaten in
24 hours, he asked, "So, did you determine why?"

His actions, his motivations, and reasons for doing things
had been a puzzle to her for these couple of years, but she
was unaware how casually he observed her scrutiny. Yes, it
was one of his decisions that she tried to understand.
Psychological profiles and intelligence files shed little
light on it. Kathryn always wondered if he had Maquis
connections and motivations for doing things before he
resigned from Starfleet. She answered, "I have no idea."

Walking over to the replicator and ordering water, to wash
down the appetizers, he asked, "Do you want me to tell you?"

"Yes."

Smiling a little sheepishly he confessed, "I wanted a
family."

"//A family?//" It was often hard for Kathryn to see beyond
the Angry Warrior, to see the man he was before his people
were slaughtered.

Chakotay sat down, took a drink of the water and began, "I
was between postings and went home to Dorvan V to visit my
family. A cousin my age got married(,) and, had a child
while I was on a deep space assignment. I stayed with them
during my visit. I thought it would be easier than staying
with my father. But, I watched their happiness and for the
first time, I felt lonely. Watching them opened my mind to
possibilities I had never before imagined. Possibilities
that I knew I would be turning my back on if I took that
position and headed hard on a command path.. I went on walks
and vision quests to sort things out. Finally, I decided to
decline the Azimuth in favor of seeking a position in San
Francisco."

Kathryn was surprised. "Where you went looking for someone
of like mind?"

Chakotay laughed hard at the memory. "I went on a lot of
first dates!"

Kathryn smiled and shook her head. "I'm sure there was no
lack of interested parties."

He eyed her carefully and explained, "I met a number of
remarkable women, some fascinating and ambitious scientists,
others were more domestic, but some. . . " He colored and
shook his head. "Well, let's just say I never met the right
one."

"Then what happened?"

"You know the rest. My father was killed in the attack on
Dorvan V, as was my cousin, and his family. I joined the
Maquis."

She paused for a moment and considered the innocent lives
Chakotay saw destroyed.

"Chakotay, how come you didn't tell me this before?"

He looked straight at her, almost confused at her
suggestion. "Like when? On New Earth!"

"Well. . .  yes. We talked about a lot of things. . . "

"Kathryn!" he exclaimed, "The only man on the planet doesn't
exactly set the only woman on the planet at ease by talking
about his longing for children!"

Kathryn frowned and wondered if the ale was clouding her
thinking. "I wasn't thinking about it that way. . . ., but,
I see your point."

Chakotay leaned back in his chair and looked at her with a
furrowed brow and a lop-sided grin. Seeing that she was
slightly inebriated, he decided to play with her a little.
"Unless, you think my bringing it up. . . "

Watching her entire body stiffen, he decided to leave it
there. "Relax, I was only teasing."

A few moments of silence passed.

Kathryn chose to dismiss his last remark and concentrated on
everything she had just learned. Assimilating the new
information and considering the present situation, Janeway
began, "So, when Seska told you she had impregnated herself
with your DNA it. . . " She hesitated, a little slow from
the ale, and searched for the right words.

Chakotay finished the sentence, ". . . Created a civil war
in my head! I wanted a child, yes. But Seska! I had feelings
for Seska at one time, but she was the last woman I would
have chosen to raise a child with! Even before I found out
she was Cardassian."

Becoming more serious, he continued, "I refused to think
about that child or consider it mine until our conversation
in your ready room, when you told me Voyager was at my
disposal if I wanted to rescue my baby."

Kathryn wasn't sure where he was going. Did he blame her?
She hesitated hoping he would explain further.

"I was angry at you for suggesting it, but I went on a
vision quest, and came out believing that I had to accept
Seska's child in my heart. I wonder now, if I had not wanted
a child for so long, would I have risked Voyager? Or would I
have been better able to see through Seska's deceptions,
better able to protect this ship?"

"Chakotay, we had no way of knowing. You forget, Seska
wasn't lying. She and the Maje, believed it was your child.
And we made a joint decision." Janeway spoke with
conviction, "You may second guess your decisions, but I am
set in mine."

The captain was suddenly on her feet pacing. "I made a
decision early in our time in the Delta Quadrant, I'm not
leaving anyone behind. Unless they ask to be put off this
ship, every member of this crew, and every offspring of a
member of this crew are going to receive the full protection
of Voyager. We won't be plucked off one by one, and anyone
who messes with Voyager will know we value our people, each
life, and that we are prepared to defend them!"

"Kathryn, we lost three crewman pursuing 'my child'! feel
terribly indebted."

"No. We did not lose them because of a decision to defend
the innocent!"

Kathryn waved her arm toward the window. "We lost those men
because we didn't anticipate the number of Kazon lives
they'd sacrifice just to acquire Voyager. We are battling an
enemy who cares nothing for their own people. They lost two
ships and nearly one hundred men in that attack."

Turning to face Chakotay with both hands on her hips,
Kathryn concluded, "They were determined to take Voyager. It
was a battle we would have had to fight one way or another.
Baby or no baby, Chakotay."

Standing directly in front of him, she finished her
impassioned speech.

Chakotay lifted his glass to his lips and calmly observed
the passionate woman in front of him. "I suppose."

"You know I'm right!"

"Yes, I know . . .  you are right."

Kathryn tried to sit back down but suddenly felt
uncomfortable, uneasy. She didn't like it when her first
officer did not share her confidence. And after her
spontaneous captain's speech, it was difficult to slip back
into casual friend mode.

Casually observing Kathryn's change in demeanor, Chakotay
asked, "Want to talk about Starfleet?"

Raising an eyebrow and poising herself on the edge of the
sofa, Kathryn asked, "It's a broad subject. Was there
something a little more specific you had in mind?"

He sighed and pursed his lips, "Maybe."

Leaning forward, she asked, "What will you tell me?"

"Not much. But enough."

"'Enough' for what?"

"Enough to alleviate that sense of suspicion you felt when
you considered the possibility that a Maquis captain, you
were sent to bring in, had Starfleet connections."

"That would be nice."

"Sure, I knew a lot of the right people, but I did not join
the Maquis with 'connections' quite like B'Elanna thought.
The Starfleet connections that B'Elanna suspected were above
board."

Kathryn snorted, "Really? How does a Maquis have 'above
board' Starfleet connections?"

Chakotay pondered a moment and then spoke, "Hypothetically
speaking, if Starfleet brass were skeptical about the
Cardassians keeping their side of the treaty, what would be
the best way to evaluate their suspicions?"

"It is a difficult position. If Starfleet Intelligence goes
too far, and are discovered by the Cardassians, then they
risk putting the Federation in breach of the treaty."

"True." He paused a moment to let her think it through.

"But if" Kathryn thought it through. "If Starfleet
Intelligence knew of a private citizen, whose future
dealings might make him, privy to classified Cardassian
information." She frowned unable to put the puzzle together.

Chakotay helped her along. "Then a simple request to notify
Starfleet Intelligence to any substantial threats to the
Federation would certainly be in order."

"Of course, and they would have to devise a means for him to
do so." Kathryn eyed him carefully, as if the scrutiny of
her gaze would reveal the rest of his thoughts. "But how
would the Maquis benefit from the arrangement?"

Chakotay frowned as if he was trying to put the puzzle
together himself, "Maybe they don't directly." He shrugged
off the question. "But, what I often wonder, is why would
Starfleet send a ship on assignment after a Maquis vessel
that regularly provided Starfleet Intelligence information"

He cringed slightly, realizing those last words were as good
as a direct admission. Smiling he added, "Hypothetically
speaking of course."

With a knowing but slightly tipsy smile, Janeway batted a
hand in his direction. "Oh, of course."

Kathryn leaned back on the sofa and considered what he was
implying. Voyager was assigned to find and stop Liberty
specifically on account of Cardassian complaints. She knew
the Cardassian accusations well.

Stretching her arms out across the top of the sofa, Kathryn
rolled it over in her mind. Why would the Cardassians
pressure the Federation to capture a Maquis vessel that the
Cardassians already successfully infiltrated? What did
Chakotay provide the Federation that threatened the
Cardassians? Why wouldn't they inform their own operative of
Tuvok's infiltration? Or arrange with Starfleet to have
Seska pulled out along with him? Had Seska so thoroughly
compromised her operation, that the Cardassians had no
regard for her? And damn him for bring this up at the bottom
of the bottle.

Chakotay silently drank his ale, while she thought it over.

"I don't know who I have to thank for our introduction,
Seska or the Cardassians!"

"Probably both," Chakotay replied.

"What did you provide Starfleet that stirred up the
Cardassians so badly?"

"Ah, now that is classified."

Kathryn rolled her eyes and glared at him with a mock pout.

He snickered at her expression. Not yielding one bit.

"So you give me the answer to one mystery, just to open up a
bigger one before I leave." She frowned. "Not fair. Now, how
will I sleep?"

Laughing, he replied, "Oh, you'll sleep. You'll sleep just
fine. The Romulan ale will help with that."

Kathryn glared at him. She was certain he waited until he
saw the ale was affecting her before bringing it up. No
doubt it was a calculated move.

She rose from the sofa and walked over to his side. Resting
her hand on his shoulder, Kathryn began, "Commander."
Censoring her thoughts, it was difficult to come up with an
appropriate good bye.

He covered her hand in his. His shoulders relaxed beneath
her touch. "Good night, Kathryn. And thank you. I needed a
friend tonight."

He released her hand.

She walked to the door and looked back. Giving him one last
wistful look from the exit, Kathryn spoke softly, "Sleep
well."

---

Kathryn was working in her ready room early the next
morning. The gamma shift crew had run a ship wide systems
check, and it was her habit to know the exact condition of
her ship. Kathryn read every report as it came in.

Eventually a lull came in her morning reading. Her thoughts
soon turned to what Chakotay had told her the night before.
Pulling up numerous Starfleet Intelligence files she began
to investigate.

Her head hurt. Her second cup of coffee was empty, and she
could not connect the dots between any Starfleet
Intelligence files on the Cardassians with any Maquis
informants. Staring at the list of file names uncovered no
secrets. With only six hours sleep and two hours of reading
padds, her instincts were a sluggish.

Rising from her desk, Kathryn stretched out her back, and
checked the time. She had ordered a senior staff meeting at
0830 and the time was approaching. With fifteen minutes to
spare, Kathryn decided the throbbing in her head was worth a
visit to sickbay.

The ready room door chimed.

"Enter," she commanded, still rubbing the small of her back
with one hand.

"Captain. Here are the reports from Security." Tuvok handed
her a padd.

Kathryn Janeway managed to maintain her calm command
exterior, but her stomach threatened to revolt. She looked a
little like she had been sucking lemons. Taking the padd,
she asked, "Where do we stand right now?"

"All Starfleet command codes have been re-initialized on
primary and secondary systems. However, Seska was invasive
in her methods of compromising our security. It will take
time to find every sub-system that she has infiltrated."

"Invasive. Yes, she certainly was that. Tuvok, please have a
seat." Kathryn slumped back into her own chair. "I have been
wondering about something. Maybe you can help. If, and that
is only if, Starfleet was pressured by the Cardassians to
send Voyager after Liberty, what would have been there
motivation?"

"Liberty was very successful in a number of skirmishes
against the Cardassians. Perhaps they had grown tired of
loosing their own vessels, and decided to use their leverage
with the Federation."

"But what other reasons there might be? I want all of them,
even ideas that are as yet unsubstantiated."

Tuvok thought for a moment and said, "The Cardassian torture
records."

Kathryn was intrigued. "Tell me more."

"Before I was assigned to infiltrate Liberty, Chakotay had
left her for a time. Some valued Maquis leaders were taken
prisoner. Chakotay and others, one, Ro Loren, was a graduate
from his Advanced Tactical class, joined together to
infiltrate the Cardassian prison. They were successful and
also gained some strategic files in the process. There were
rumors that the team also took a database full of Cardassian
torture records. I overheard Seska asking Chakotay about it,
but there was positively no evidence and Chakotay flatly
denied it. In the end, it appeared to be nothing more than a
rumor."

Kathryn frowned. She had her answer but did not let on.
"Thank you, Tuvok. But if you think of anything else, do let
me know."

"Of course."

Glancing at her chronometer, she added, "It is time for us
to be going."

One of the things Kathryn did at the morning's meeting was
hand over the responsibility of the funeral to Commander
Chakotay. All four of the deceased, including Seska, were
originally Maquis. She asked the senior staff to inform
Chakotay if there was anyone in particular that they should
plan to have speak for the individuals who had died.

Tuvok volunteered to share with the crew from his knowledge
of Lon Suder's progress, and Chakotay said he already knew
who would want to speak for the others.

At 1500 the next day the crew gathered for the funeral
service. Chell did the eulogy for Hogan. Tuvok followed and
spoke highly of Lon Suder's desire to do something for the
ship and his overall progress before he died. Sam Wildman
shared about the assistance Crewman Kirch, as a fellow
science officer, provided her during her last trimester and
what good friend he had become her.

Commander Chakotay put an arm around Wildman and thanked
her. Sam gratefully stepped aside allowing the commander to
conclude the service.

"Suder, Hogan, Kirch. We fought some atrocious battles
together against the Cardassians. We took some substantial
risks, and we always knew we might die in battle."
Chakotay's voice became more reflective. "Almost expected
it, except, none of us could have foreseen this battle."

Clearing his throat, Commander Chakotay surveyed the room.
"When I resigned Starfleet to join the Maquis, I never would
have guessed that a Cardassian would want to kill me, or any
of us, for putting a Starfleet uniform back on. But many of
the former Maquis, can tell you that is what Seska has done,
and that's what made the Maquis her enemy. In the Alpha
Quadrant it appeared that the Maquis were the Cardassian's
enemy, but for one Cardassian in the Delta Quadrant, we see
it's the Federation that she hated.

"Under the Starfleet-Cardassian treaty, Seska could have
sought immunity from Captain Janeway when we boarded
Voyager. Given that we were stranded in the Delta Quadrant,
she could have requested that her Cardassian physiology
remain concealed for the sake of her personal safety. And,
according to Starfleet regulations, the captain and doctor
would have been obligated to honour that request. But that
was not what Seska wanted. She wanted a Maquis mutiny, but
she couldn't have that. The Maquis wouldn't give it to her.

"For the rest of us the Delta Quadrant brought us together.
As our two crews became one, we found out what we were made
of. We've been tested in battle and in our loyalties, and we
have had some surprises. Jonas, once loyal to the Maquis
cause, chose to work with Seska. While Lon Suder, who seemed
loyal to no one, died to put us back on this vessel.

"Indeed, we all have had to make choices, and in those
choices we have found out who our friends are and who they
are not. Today, we say good-bye to three good friends whose
contribution to our lives and to this ship will not be
forgotten. But, we also say good-bye to Seska, one who has
tested the integrity and character of this crew. My
consolation today is in knowing how well this crew has
passed the test."

Chakotay look around the room at Paris, Tuvok, and Janeway,
as he said, "When we came together two years ago, I didn't
know who I could trust. Today, I am strengthened by the
knowledge that in this room and on this ship we all are
among friends. It is in the knowledge of this crew's
strength and reliability that I find the confidence to say
that no matter what the Delta Quadrant has to throw at us,
Kazon, Vidian, or anything else, with all of us working
together, and the help of new friends," He nodded towards
Kes and Neelix, "we will prevail."

Chakotay paused to give the crew a moment of reflection,
"And we will remember the friends we've lost along the way.
Release the pods."

The familiar whistle sliced the air, and the crew turned to
watch four pods jettisoned from Voyager. The ships close
proximity to a red giant made the black pods visible for
only a short duration.

Once formal service was over, the crew broke off into small
groups. Neelix had refreshments prepared for the gathering.

Captain Janeway approached Tuvok. As he turned to her, she
commented, "Thank you for sharing about Lon Suder. I think
it helped the whole crew, to hear about the progress he was
making."

Tuvok agreed, "It was progress well worth mentioning."
Looking across the room at Chakotay, he added, "Captain, I
was uncertain about your decision to have Commander Chakotay
preside over this service; but I must say, having heard his
closing sentiments, it was a wise choice."

"Thank you, Tuvok. I was hoping that Chakotay's perspective
might bolster moral and solidify unity." Kathryn smiled.

"It appears your hopes have been satisfied on both counts."

Tuvok observed the captain as she appeared to be deep in
thought.

Chakotay stood across the room with Gerron, and Kathryn
watched their conversation. The young Bajoran talked while
the commander listened intently. Chakotay squeezed the young
man's shoulder and replied. Gerron looked up at the
commander and smiled. The young man was maturing and
developing more confidence on board Voyager. She was pleased
to see him responding favourably to her first officer's
encouragement.

As B'Elanna approached the captain and Tuvok, she noticed
where Janeway was looking. Tuvok and B'Elanna acknowledged
each other silently and both waited for the captain.

Kathryn admired Chakotay as he moved among another group of
crew members. Many of them were Maquis, but she noted that
even those who had the hardest time adjusting were, now,
mixed with her original Starfleet crew.

When Chakotay put a hand on Mariah Henley's shoulder, she
turned and gave him a quick hug. Kathryn imagined Henley was
updating Chakotay on an old story the group was sharing
because he chuckled.

His laugh reminded her of the intimate conversation they
shared over the bottle of Romulan Ale. Never had she spent
time in his quarters quite like that and it proved to be an
eye-opener. She was comfortable there, more comfortable than
she had been anywhere in a long time. His quarters had the
feel of her favorite coffee shop in San Francisco, the kind
of place she could just be, and be herself. If she could
just choose to let go and not be captain for a while, he
knew how to let her. Kathryn dreamed of letting herself
receive the comfort that could be found regularly listening
to that laugh, in the privacy of her first officer's
quarters.

Until now, she knew she needed Chakotay. She learned that
she could trust him, and she enjoyed his company. But now,
thinking about the Academy instructor who had wanted a
family, the angry warrior who killed to defend his people,
and watching the effective leader who swallowed his own pain
to build the moral of their crew, Kathryn knew she loved
him.

Suddenly, aware of those near her, Kathryn looked at Tuvok
and B'Elanna. Unsure of how long B'Elanna was standing
there, or if either had been able to read her thoughts, the
captain was momentarily embarrassed. Recovering, she said,
"Yes, he did a fine job. I must go get something to drink.
Please, excuse me."

B'Elanna could not hide her surprised expression. Tuvok
raised one eyebrow. Both stood in silence. It's hard to
think of a change of topic, when both were convinced that
the captain had just fallen in love with her first officer.

Kathryn got herself a cup of coffee and walked over to
Chakotay. Her approaching presence dispersed a couple of the
people he was talking to. Only time in command taught her to
get used to that, but today it held an advantage.

Mariah Henley and Chell remained. Chakotay filled her in on
the story about Hogan and Kathryn politely listened while
Henley told the rest. She was pleased to see them so
naturally converse with her, so she listened to another
story before ending the conversation as only a captain can.

"Commander," Janeway spoke officially into a quiet moment in
the conversation, Chell and Henley casually slipped into
another group nearby.

"Yes, Captain." He said giving her his undivided attention.
Unconsciously, he placed his hand on her by the elbow and
they walked away from the crowd.

"I wanted to talk to you about an important matter."

"Oh?"

"Yes, a database."

His eyes were wide, astonished at the speed with which she
uncovered his secret. "A database?"

"A Cardassian database," Kathryn explained.

"No such thing," he denied flatly.

"There is no such thing as a Cardassian database?" Kathryn
played incredulous.

Realizing what he said, all Chakotay could do was laugh. He
stared into her clever blue eyes and laughed. She had him,
and despite himself he loved it when Kathryn had him. When
she did, he was still safe and even Chakotay, the angry
warrior needed to feel safe.

Kathryn saw that he trusted her. She knew she had his
devotion, even his love, but after how Seska hurt him,
winning his trust was a greater honor. Her eyes smiled, her
expression, softer than usual.

Seeing her countenance, Chakotay began to think, maybe just
maybe there, was a chance. He grinned at the possibility.

Kathryn melted at his grin and said, "Let's go for a walk."

---

Chakotay and Kathryn slipped out of the reception and went
for a walk. They casually discussed ships operations while
Chakotay followed Kathryn's lead through the corridors.

When they reached the airponics bay, Kathryn asked the
computer, "Computer, is there anyone in the airponics bay?"

"There are no crewmembers in the airponics bay."

They entered in silence. Kathryn paused as the door closed
behind her. "Computer, notify me if anyone approaches to
enter the airponics bay."

"Affirmative."

Chakotay tried his best to suppress his smile. He didn't
know what she was up to but he liked where this was going.

Kathryn glanced at her first officer and saw the smile. She
smiled back and took his hand. "Come on."

They walked into the depths of the foliage and found a place
to sit near the back wall of the bay.

"I wanted to talk to you alone."

"I can see that." He sat down beside her and put a
supportive arm around her back.

"When I met you I thought you were my enemy."

He gave her a friendly squeeze and said, "I never wanted to
be your enemy. I'm glad we met here in the Delta Quadrant."

She looked up into his face and replied, "I was ready to use
whatever force was necessary to bring you into custody."

He listened intently. He knew, if pushed, he would have done
just about anything to resist arrest. "The main thing is
you've captured me now."

Her eyelashes fluttered and her cheeks blushed at his
sensual tone. "What happened to the data base?"

Chakotay cleared his throat and spoke firmly, "Kathryn, as
long as our destination is the Alpha Quadrant it is best
that you know as little about that as possible."

She searched his eyes, "But why? You gave it to the
Federation? Surely, the information you provided must have
revealed breaches in the Cardassian Federation treaty that
too many Starfleet officers are already painfully aware of.
Such documentation of that fact could even change the
Federation's stance on the Maquis."

Chakotay looked at the floor and said, "Yes, I had hoped
so."

Silence fell between the two of them. Both knew that instead
of that happening, Voyager was sent out to capture Chakotay.
All of Kathryn's Federation loyalties fought against the
conclusion in her mind.

Chakotay sighed. "I joined Starfleet in love with Federation
ideals. I never expected to be called an enemy of the
Federation. When I left Starfleet and joined the Maquis it
was like I stepped out of a beautiful mansion, and turned
around to look at the house that I grew up in, to discover
sections of the roof were ready to fall in. I still love
those ideals, Kathryn, and believe in everything the
Federation was built on. But that shoddy roof is people in
high places who are willing to sacrifice innocent blood for
the sake their own peace and comfort. They are even willing
to turn a blind eye to the torture and murder of those who
serve the Federation, for what they think will be valuable
trade ties. But the Cardassians are not sincere and in the
end the whole Federation is going to suffer."

"But what did it reveal, Chakotay? They must know, they must
see. . . "

"Telling you what I know could put you in trouble with those
people and I don't want to do that."

Standing quickly to face him, she put her hands on her hips.
"What do I care? We are a long way from home. Besides I want
to stand on the solid principles not under that shoddy
roof!"

Chakotay appreciated her fiery temper. "Yes, ma'am."

She asked more softly, "Do you trust me?"

"It's not about trust, Kathryn." He stroked her shoulders
gently with both hands and took a deep breath. "When I told
you how I felt about you on New Earth I thought we were
stuck there. I never would have shared what I did if I knew
we were still headed home. I don't ever want to be a point
of pain for you. Making me your first officer is already
more controversial than you knew."

Out of pure frustration, Kathryn stepped forward clasped her
hands around the back of Chakotay's neck and kissed him
passionately.

Every reasonable argument fell from his mind as Chakotay
wrapped her up in his arms and kissed her with years of
longing. A tear slowly slid down his cheek. Clearly shaken,
he broke the kiss but held her close and stroked her hair.

"Kathryn. I love you and trust you." He chuckled lightly. "I
think I trust you more than I trust myself." He hesitated
and cleared his throat. "But, I have seen a lot of people I
love suffer. Serving you gives me peace but if ever I were
the source of pain for you . . .  I think I'd die."

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Kathryn took his hand. "Then
don't hold back. Please, not anymore."

Chakotay looked deeply into her eyes and kissed her
passionately, again.When he moved his head he accidently
bumped a plant hanging from the back wall. The plant
released its tiny blossoms all over the couple. Oblivious to
the shower of petals, he held her close to him for a long
time.

"And let me share your burdens, too," she said quietly.

He nuzzled into her neck and asked, "Can you give me a
little time on that, Captain? I've carried them alone a long
time."

Kathryn shrugged, "At this rate you might have seventy-five
years before it's an issue."

Chakotay held her by the waist and leaned his forehead
against hers, "I can think of a few things to do with the
time, how about you?"

Kathryn kissed him again.

The computer notified her that Kes and Neelix were
approaching the airponics bay. The command team hastily
pulled apart and tried to look professional. They saw the
flowers and tried to dust off each other's uniforms.
Chakotay plucked some from Kathryn's hair and attempted tuck
in a stray lock, but the hair needed Kathryn's skillful
touch. Both laughed as they straightened their uniforms, but
they couldn't clean up the emotions splayed across their
faces, or the flowers all over the place. Kathryn tried to
fix her captain's demeanor, with Chakotay watching. He tried
not to laugh, and the more he tried not to, the harder it
was. Kathryn gave up and burst into giggles herself.

Kes and Neelix, curious about the sound in the back of the
bay, found the command team laughing uncontrollably. Their
eyes showed they'd both obviously shed a few tears.

Kes sensed the depth of the moment. Both pleased and
respectful of their space she said, "Excuse us," and pulled
Neelix away. To his protests she firmly replied, "We don't
need an explanation."

Chakotay offered Kathryn his arm and said, "We should go.
The funeral service must be over by now."

---
Epilogue - (Several weeks later or after Flashback)
---

The door chimed to Chakotay's quarters.

"Come." He rose from where had been lounging and reading a
padd.

The door opened and Kathryn entered, still in uniform.

He picked up a glass of wine and handed it to her with a
kiss. Placing a hand behind her back they walked to the
sofa. "Long day?"

Kathryn rested on the sofa and replied, "It is hard to
imagine sitting in the Sickbay all day could take so much
out of a person."

"Is Tuvok alright?"

"He is fine now." She drank her wine.

"Good. You look tense."

"Just a lot on my mind. Being inside someone else's head can
give you a lot to think about."

Chakotay smiled at the thought. "An interesting place was
it?"

Kathryn shot him a look. "That's confidential."

"My only concern is its impact on you." He considered her
for a moment and said, "Take off your jacket and
turtleneck."

"Excuse me?" Kathryn smiled.

"You are really tense, Kathryn." Chakotay was serious.

She sighed and did as she was told.

"Computer, raise the temperature two degrees."

Chakotay put one knee on the sofa and leaned against the
back of it. "Now come over here."

Kathryn backed herself against Chakotay and he began to work
on her neck and shoulders.

"Other people's experiences are beginning to cause me to
rethink some things, things I was pretty confident about."

"Like?"

"Starfleet."

Chakotay paused a moment. "I see. . .  how so?"

"I am an admiral's daughter." Kathryn tilted her head in
response to Chakotay's hands. "My earliest memories are as
an admiral's daughter. My father was a man of exceptional
integrity. He believed in and gave his life to serving
Starfleet. I think I wanted to believe Starfleet had my
father's characteristics, but it doesn't. Knowing about your
experience and seeing Starfleet through Tuvok's eyes has
shown me it's different from what I grew up believing in. My
father would never have dreamed of falsifying documents."

Chakotay cleared his throat in an attempt to remind her she
was revealing information she learned from the mind meld.

Kathryn continued, "I was always taught to make the best
decision you could see in a difficult situation and be ready
to pay the price for it. I always trusted that integrity
ruled in the upper echelons, so I never doubted the wisdom
of that stance."

"I don't think I'm following, Kathryn." Working down her
back he added, with a hint of humor, "You're not thinking of
falsifying something, are you?"

"Of course not." She rolled her eyes at the suggestion.
"It's just that I want to know how bad it is, Chakotay. I
mean, aside from the fact that I may have peers who falsify
documents to cover up what is really going on out in space.
I want to know what you know. I want to know about this
Cardassian data base and what Starfleet did with it."

Chakotay wrapped both of his arms around her shoulders and
asked, "Are you never going to stop bringing that up?"

"I thought I'd ask every month or so for the next
seventy-five years. I'm not a quitter, you know."

He kissed her cheek. "Yes, I know." Chakotay returned to
working the knots out of her back.

"Did you make copies of the database?"

"We did."

"How many?"

Chakotay sighed and answered, "Two, but more might have been
made since."

"Who had them."

"I had one hidden aboard Liberty. We sent one to Starfleet,
and Ro Laren has original."

"You did not hand the original over to Starfleet?"

"No. I wanted to as a show of good faith but Ro would have
nothing to do with it. Fortunately."

"You think we were sent after you because someone wanted the
original?"

"Yes. That, and the knowledge of it that's in my mind."

"Were you romantically involved with Ro Laren?"

"No." Chakotay continued the massage indifferent to the
question. But, appreciating Kathryn's concern on a personal
level, he added, "She was my student, but quickly surpassed
her teacher in the area of advanced tactical. She was a
friend and a colleague. She was a lot like B'Elanna is to
me, except Ro talked to me about things more."

"You think she still has the original?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"Because she is brilliant and driven. It was our hope that
if it got into the right hands then the proper people in
authority in Cardassian government could be tried for war
crimes. And that maybe if the corruption in both governments
was dealt with then maybe the Maquis terms might be
considered. But Ro also had a personal interest in seeing
the database in responsible hands."

"Oh?"

"It contained information about the torture of one Starfleet
officer that she was fond of and felt she owed a personal
debt to. It also had records of the murders of some others
that she had indirect connections to. She wanted to see the
perpetrators of these crimes brought to justice."

Kathryn stood up to face Chakotay. "What kind of records?"

"We heard and saw it all. It contained visual and audio
records of the torture and murder of Starfleet officers. It
also contained precise records of drug inducement, and any
other technologies, or treatments used upon the prisoners."

Chakotay rose from the sofa, draped Kathryn's jacket over
her shoulders, and spoke scarastically, "There. Now did that
help you relax?"

He walked away from her and stared out the window. The
memory of the things he had seen fresh in his mind.

Kathryn came from behind him and hugged him gently. She
leaned her head against his back and said, "When we get home
we'll face it together."

He turned to take her into his arms.

She added, "And whatever you have left to do, we'll do
together."

Chakotay swallowed hard and stared at her.

He feared for her but understood Kathryn wasn't talking
about risking her position in Starfleet for him alone.
Following in her father's integrity, it was for the
principles she believed in. He had to let her take that
risk. He had to let her stand with him. . .  if the day ever
came.

For now he held her in his arms and buried his face in her
hair. In the window behind them the stars streamed by, a
reminder that every day brought them a little closer to home
or that they had thousands of light years to go.

---

The End