The BLTS Archive - Shadow by Linsey (linsey_kree@hotmail.com) --- Comments: Basically, it's a scene that came to me that I can't fit in any of my monster fics, so it's now a fic in it's own right. A mini fic though. A ficette. *Must* now go back to torturing the guys, must do that. And essays have to be written too, but who cares about that, I need to finish the monster fics! Archived to EntSTSlash on 05/06/2003. Archived at EntSTCommunity with the author's express permission. --- He'd gone and done it. All he meant to do was say goodnight to Malcolm, the same way he did any night they walked back to their cabins together after working out late in the Gym. But this time he'd done it and he didn't know why he'd given into his desires. He'd said goodnight and had turned back to Malcolm and stared at the other man as he put his code into the lock on the door. Malcolm, noticing, turned to Trip and asked, "Is there something you wanted to ask, Trip?" He'd called him Trip, his tone had been light. Malcolm had smiled, his t-shirt sweaty and clinging to areas of his chest and back, hair ruffled and there was still a slight sheen of sweat on the hollow of his neck, missed by the swipes of the towel he was carrying. And Trip had pounced, his body not working in conjunction with his common sense. He grabbed hold on both of Malcolm's elbows and pulled the smaller man tightly against him. He saw the surprised look in Malcolm's eyes for a split second, before closing his own and passionately taking Malcolm's lips in a searing kiss. Intense, his senses took in the feel, the taste, the smell of Malcolm so close to him and it felt wonderful. Hard and soft, Solid, yet pliable, he wanted more. He'd gone and done it. Given in to his sexual desires. One too many fantasies of how he would seduce Malcolm slowly and smoothly had given way to a rough taking of what he craved. The kiss didn't last long, nor did his hopes, as Malcolm insinuated his hands between their bodies and pushed Trip away from him by about two feet. Malcolm wiped his mouth and stared angrily at Trip. "What they hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm sorry, Malcolm I..." "I should bloody well think so!" Malcolm interrupted Trip, anger flashing in his eyes. Malcolm didn't look at Trip. Instead, he reached down for the towel he'd dropped when Trip had shown his longings so actively. When he stood, he looked at his door but didn't enter. Trip was frozen on the spot, one hand reaching out to Malcolm slightly, a look of fear, guilt and a plea for forgiveness in his eyes. He thought he'd lost Malcolm. If the Lieutenant was angry with him like this, then surely he didn't return the feelings. But Malcolm was still standing in the corridor, unmoving, as if waiting for something. Trip thought he was supposed to speak but he had no idea what to say, too scared to admit everything he'd hoped for before now. "Why did you do it?" Malcolm asked quietly, turning slightly to face Trip, anger dissipating replaced more with a curiosity. "Because I wanted to. Because I've wanted to do it for a while." Trip replied, matching Malcolm's soft tone. "You want to have sex with me?" Trip certainly couldn't fault Malcolm about getting to the crux of the matter. "To put it bluntly, yes I do. I like you, Malcolm, I've found over time that I want more." Malcolm nodded and looked at Trip, his expression hid something deeper, perhaps a sorrow. He must be feeling sorry for him, for Trip wanting something he'd never get. His heart dropped in that instant, when his eyes met Malcolm's. Time slowed down, a pain formed in his stomach and his knees began to wobble under his weight as if they'd give way any moment. He thought he'd lost all his hope, in that one look. "I don't," Malcolm said, voice rasping over the words. Trip could only nod, moving on auto pilot. He felt his eyes begin to well up but he wouldn't let his own barriers down in front of Malcolm. He saw a pain in Malcolm's expression, a sorrow, a despair, a pity. Malcolm didn't get close to anyone; Trip was lucky he had such a friendship with the distant Brit. And it was quite possible he'd wrecked the whole thing, or at least made it exceedingly awkward between them. Things would never be the same. Trip turned away, unable to look at Malcolm. This new picture was spoiling his dreams and hopes, tarnishing his visions of a happy future for them. All may seem lost, but he wanted to keep them close to his heart, whether he could have the man or not. He knew that he'd be thinking of Malcolm for a long time to come. --- Malcolm walked into his quarters after watching Trip go round the corner to his own cabin. The slump in the Commander's shoulders and awkward gait showed his emotions only too clearly. The doors shut behind Malcolm, and from where he was standing he felt the slight brush of air on his back. He threw the towel on the floor and wiped his face with his hands, lingering on his lips, remembering the Kiss. Trip desired him, wanted him. He allowed himself one sad smile at the thought before moving on. --- The End