The BLTS Archive - Nightmares
#7: Consequences
by Leone (tarrashenna@yahoo.com)

---

Disclaimer: Paramount's, not mine. No infringement intended. No money
being made.

Warning: This is something I promised myself I'd never write, a death
story. Someone dies in this part.

---

Chakotay looked around the room, hoping to find the golden door that
was his and Tom's exit from this place. When he didn't see it,
Chakotay cursed silently. Tightening his hold on the trembling man in
his arms, Chakotay wondered what the hell he was supposed to do now.
Chakotay's thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a roar of pure rage,
and he turned towards the sound and saw... himself.

The other Chakotay ran across the floor to where Gerald was raping Tom
and before Gerald could react, Chakotay grabbed the man and threw him
into the nearest wall, hard. Then Chakotay took a look at Tom. When
he saw the condition the younger man was in, Chakotay's self-control
snapped.

Without a word, Chakotay turned away from the injured Tom and slowly
approached Gerald, a look of murderous rage on his face. When Chakotay
reached the other man, he pulled him to his feet, then proceeded to
beat the man senseless. Chakotay hit Gerald again and again, his fist
landing in the man's face, then in his stomach. Chakotay didn't stop
until Gerald was lying on the floor, unconscious.

Meanwhile, Tom had straightened from his position over the table and
turned around. He was watching with some satisfaction as Chakotay
beat the shit out of Gerald. Although Tom wanted to do it himself, he
knew that he was in no condition. He could barely stand as it was, and
he had no strength to hit anyone, least of all the man who had
tormented and raped him repeatedly over the past three days.

When Gerald lay unconscious on the floor, Chakotay turned away from
him and looked at Tom. Seeing that the younger man was standing beside
the table, watching him, Chakotay walked over to him, a soft look of
concern on his face. "Tom," he said as he reached the other man. "We
have to get out of here. Do you think you can walk?" he asked.

Tom thought about it for a moment. He hurt like hell, but to get out
of this place he'd walk on hot coals. "Sure," he answered. "But I'll
need something to cover me."

Chakotay nodded and looked around, then spotted a blanket on the
floor. He quickly went over to get it, then returned to Tom's side and
handed it to the injured man. "This should be big enough," he said.

---

Chakotay sat on the floor with Tom in his arms and watched as his
counter-part beat Gerald to a bloody pulp. He knew how much
self-control it took for the other Chakotay not to kill or torture the
bastard who'd hurt Tom.

His own Tom still sat with his face hidden in Chakotay's shoulder, and
Chakotay was afraid that the younger man had retreated into himself
again. Chakotay lifted a hand and stroked Tom's hair, softly calling
his name. "Tom."

Tom stirred in Chakotay's arms, then lifted his head and looked at his
Commander with anguished eyes. "Yeah?"

Chakotay smiled gently. "It's over, Tom. He won't be hurting your
counter-part anymore. Look," he said quietly.

Tom hesitated for a moment, then looked over Chakotay's shoulder. His
eyes widened when he saw Chakotay's counterpart hitting Gerald.
Drawing back slightly, Tom looked at Chakotay again. "Why is he
doing that?" he asked.

"Why is who doing what?" Chakotay asked quietly.

"Your counter-part is beating Gerald," Tom said. He hesitated for a
moment, and when Chakotay nodded, Tom continued. "I just don't
understand *why*."

Chakotay sighed. "My counter-part's beating the shit out of Gerald
because he hurt *your* counter-part," he explained gently. Chakotay
paused and ran a hand through his hair before he continued. "I
would've done it myself if I could, but I can't interfere. And I
suspect that you can't either."

"No, I can't," Tom said. At Chakotay's questioning look, Tom seemed
slightly embarrassed. "I tried," he admitted.

Chakotay nodded in understanding. Tom *would've* tried to stop Gerald
from hurting the vision-Tom. Chakotay considered asking Tom what
Gerald had done, but two things held him back. For one thing, Chakotay
wasn't sure he really wanted to know. The other reason Chakotay didn't
ask was, that whatever Tom had seen had caused the younger man to
retreat into him- self.

Tom's voice interrupted Chakotay's thoughts. "I think they're
leaving," he said softly.

Chakotay turned his head and saw that Tom was right. Their
counter-parts *were* leaving. The vision-Tom was wrapped in a blanket
and moved slowly towards the door, while the vision- Chakotay walked
beside him, ready to support the younger man if it became necessary.

As soon as the two men had left the room, the door began to glow
golden. Chakotay rose to his feet, then held out a hand to Tom and
helped him to his feet. "Come on, Tom. This is our way out," he
informed his companion.

"How do you know?" Tom asked as he took Chakotay's hand and got to his
feet.

Chakotay smiled briefly as they started towards the door. "My spirit
guide told me before I came in here," he said.

When the two men reached the door, they hesitated, the strange feeling
of foreboding flooding them both. They looked at each other briefly,
then steeled their resolve and went through it, wondering what they'd
see next.

They came out into a garden to see their counter-parts a short
distance in front of them. As they watched, the vision-Tom suddenly
started to fall, and the vision-Chakotay caught his companion before
he reached the ground. He looked at the vision-Tom and, seeing that
the young man had lost consciousness, lifted him up in his arms and
carried him towards the forest in the distance.

Tom and Chakotay looked at each other, then followed the vision-
Chakotay, knowing that they couldn't leave the spirit world until
they'd seen what happened next.

---

It was getting dark when the vision-Chakotay finally stopped in front
of a small cabin in the forest.

Tom and Chakotay looked at each other for the first time since they
started several hours ago. It had been early afternoon when they left
the torture room to follow their counter-parts, the vision-Chakotay
carrying unconscious the vision-Tom all the way. He hadn't stopped
once until now.

Tom and Chakotay looked back at the small cabin. It looked exactly
like the one they had both entered earlier. Seeing the vision-Chakotay
enter the cabin, the two men quickly followed, entering in time to see
the vision-Chakotay lay the vision-Tom down on the room's only bed.

Tom and Chakotay stayed by the door and watched as the vision-Chakotay
took care of the injured Tom, healing his wounds with a regenerator.
When all the wounds were healed, the vision-Chakotay put the blanket
over the vision-Tom again and moved towards the window, waiting for
the younger man to regain consciousness.

For a long time, the three men stood there, unmoving, waiting for the
vision-Tom to wake up. Finally, when the full moon was just visible in
the sky, the young man on the bed moaned softly as he woke up.

The vision-Chakotay turned away from the window and quickly walked
over to sit at the edge of the bed, being careful not to touch the
younger man in any way. He wasn't sure if Tom would remember that he
was safe when he first woke.

Tom opened his eyes and flinched when he noticed the person sitting
beside him on the bed, not immediately remembering that his ordeal was
over. Then Tom heard Chakotay's voice, reassuring him that he was
safe, and he instantly relaxed, knowing that the other man wouldn't
hurt him.

Tom slowly sat up, pleased when the action didn't cause him any pain.
Looking around, he frowned slightly, wondering where they were. He
turned his head to look at Chakotay and noticed the man's slightly
worried expression. "Chakotay? Where are we?" he asked quietly.

"We're in a small cabin in the forest," Chakotay answered. Tom's frown
didn't disappear and for a moment Chakotay wondered why. Then he
realized what the problem might be and hastened to reassure the
younger man. "Don't worry, Tom. No one can find us here, and we won't
go back to civilization until you're ready."

Tom started violently when Chakotay mentioned going back to
civilization, and his panicked eyes met the older man's brown gaze. "I
can't go back.  I can't." Tom's voice was as panicked as his eyes.

Chakotay reached out a hand towards Tom, then let it drop without
touching him. "I know you can't go back right now," he said
soothingly. "That's why we're here. As I said, no one can find us
here. We can stay for as long as you need."

"No, Chakotay, you don't understand," Tom said quietly.

Chakotay frowned. "What is it that I don't understand?" he asked.

Tom bit his lower lip and hesitated, unsure how Chakotay was going to
react. "I... I can't go back to civilization. Ever," he finally said.

Chakotay tensed at Tom's words, not sure that he liked where this was
leading. "What do you mean? Do you want to stay here for the rest of
your life?" he asked.

Tom's gaze dropped to his hands for a moment, then he lifted his eyes
to look at Chakotay again. "No," he said very quietly. Hesitating
again, Tom gathered all his courage before he spoke again. "I don't
want to... I can't..." he trailed off, suddenly unable to say the
words.

"You can't what? What is it that you can't?" Chakotay asked gently.

Tom took a deep breath, then blurted out the truth. "I can't live with
this. Can't live with what happened." Tom dropped his eyes again and
bit his lip so hard he drew blood. "I want to die," he finally added
in a whisper, not looking at Chakotay.

Chakotay inhaled sharply at Tom's admission. He wasn't really
surprised, he'd suspected that Tom might feel this way, but he'd hoped
that he was wrong. Chakotay swallowed heavily and looked at the
younger man. "Tom," he said softly.

"What?" Tom murmured without lifting his eyes.

"Tom, look at me," Chakotay said gently.

It took a while, but finally Tom looked up into Chakotay's eyes. The
young man swallowed when he saw the understanding in the brown gaze.

"I'm not going to argue with you, or try to make you change your
mind," Chakotay said quietly. He sighed and ran a hand through his
hair. "I suspected that you might feel this way. I hoped that you
wouldn't, but I'm not surprised that you do," he added.

Tom stared at Chakotay in silence for a moment, then sighed deeply and
said, "I'm glad you understand because I'm gonna need your help."

Chakotay's eyes widened. He had a hunch what Tom meant and didn't know
if he could handle it. Taking a deep breath, Chakotay asked anyway.
"What are you going to need my help for?"

Tom looked into Chakotay's brown eyes, a serious expression on his own
face. "Chakotay," Tom said softly. He swallowed and gathered his
courage before he continued. "I can't do it myself."

Chakotay stared at Tom. Despite the fact that he'd expected this, it
was still a shock to have Tom say it. Chakotay dropped his eyes while
he thought. A moment later, he lifted pain-filled eyes to Tom's.
"Tom," he whispered. "I can't hurt you."

Tom's eyes filled with tears. "Please, Chakotay," he whispered. "I
*can't* do it myself, and I can't live with this." Tom reached out and
took Chakotay's hand. "I know how much I'm asking of you, Chakotay,
but you're the only one who can help me with this." Tom took a deep
breath, then added, "You're the only one I'd *allow* to help me."

Chakotay looked into Tom's tear-filled eyes and felt his heart ache.
He knew that Tom was right. The younger man couldn't do it himself and
even if he'd allow someone else to help him, they wouldn't understand.
No one would believe that Tom wouldn't change his mind after some
time. Chakotay knew that Tom would never change his mind. The older
man fought with himself for a while. Finally he sighed deeply and
nodded. It would be as Tom wished.

Tom breathed a sigh of relief when Chakotay nodded. He hadn't been
sure if the other man would want, or be able, to do as Tom had asked.
He leaned forward and brushed Chakotay's lips with his own. "Thank
you, my love," he whispered.

Chakotay slowly lifted his arms and put them around Tom, clinging to
his lover. "I love you" he said quietly.

"I know," Tom answered. "I love you, too." With that, he brushed his
lips across Chakotay's mouth again until the older man moaned softly,
then he deepened the kiss.

The two men kissed for a long time, then they pulled apart and looked
into each other's eyes for a moment before Chakotay let go of Tom and
rose from the bed. "I'll see if I can find any- thing we can use," he
said quietly.

---

By the door, Tom and Chakotay watched as their counter-parts spoke.
When the vision-Tom made the remark about not being able to live with
what had happened, Chakotay froze, immediately realizing what the
young man meant. He, too, could understand why the vision-Tom
couldn't live with it, but it hurt all the same.

Tom gasped quietly when it became clear what his counter-part wanted
the vision-Chakotay to do. Tom also understood why his counter-part
couldn't live with what had happened, maybe better than Chakotay did,
but what Tom *didn't* understand was why the vision-Tom would ask
Chakotay to help him in this way. It wasn't fair to Chakotay. Then it
became clear that the two were lovers and Tom understood.

When the vision-Chakotay rose from the bed, Tom and Chakotay looked
at each other. They both knew what would come next. The
vision-Chakotay would only be able to find a kitchen-knife, the
vision-Tom would get out of bed and Chako- tay would drive the knife
into his chest, killing his beloved.

"I think that I must have been you, or your counter-part, when I
dreamed about this," Tom said quietly.

Chakotay nodded. It was clear that Tom was right. "Yes, but what I
would like to know is, why? Why have you been dreaming about this
since you were young? Why from *his* point of view? And what does it
mean?" Chakotay asked, his voice as quiet as Tom's had been.

Tom shrugged. "I don't know," he answered, then turned his head to
look at the two others.

Tom gasped at the scene and Chakotay turned his head to look and
inhaled sharply. The vision-Tom stood on the floor in front of the
vision-Chakotay who had lifted the hand, which held the knife. He was
obviously about to fulfill the vision-Tom's re- quest.

Chakotay quickly turned back to Tom and drew the young man into his
arms and pushed his head down on his shoulder. "Don't look," he said
and felt Tom nod against his shoulder. Chakotay didn't want to see
this either, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the scene. He
watched in appalled fascination as his counter-part drove the knife
into his lover's chest, dropped the weapon, lowered the younger man to
the floor and knelt beside him.

Although he and Tom were too far away to see clearly in the moonlight,
Chakotay knew that the vision-Tom wasn't dead yet. He remembered his
own Tom telling him that when the young man finally remembered some of
his nightmare. Chakotay also knew that it wouldn't be long before
the vision-Tom *did* die.

As he watched, Chakotay saw his counter-part pick the knife up again
and hold it gently. Chakotay frowned, wondering if the other man was
going to stab the vision-Tom again, but before he'd finished the
thought, the vision-Chakotay lifted his other hand and slid it over
his lover's face, obviously closing his eyes. Tom's counter-part was
dead.

Chakotay saw his counter-part bend his head in grief, then he turned
to the man in his own arms. "It's over, Tom" he said quietly.

Tom lifted his head from Chakotay's shoulder and looked at the other
man for a while. Then he turned his head to look at the scene he'd
seen so often in his dreams. And gasped quietly in shock. "No,
Chakotay, it isn't over," he said in a near- whisper. "Look."

Chakotay turned his head, and although his eyes widened in shock at
the sight of his counter-part driving the knife into his own heart,
Chakotay also understood why he did it. Despite the fact that the
vision-Tom had asked him to do it, the vision- Chakotay couldn't live
with the knowledge that he'd killed the man he loved.

---

The End