The BLTS Archive - If I Should Fall Behind
#1: At The Midnight Hour
by Lattelady (pchristie6@comcast.net)

---

Published: 12-07-02

DISCLAIMER: They belong to Paramount and Viacom, but sometimes I
borrow them. I promise to return them unharmed and with a smile on
their face! Planet 2063 Yankee belongs to Morgan and Wong and
Hardeight Productions.

TIMEFRAME: Sometime in late second season, definitely after The
Seventh. This is not a crossover, only the name of the planet was
borrowed from Space Above And Beyond.

This is story II in my series Falls Behind. The idea of the series is
that when Jonathan dies, T'Pol falls behind, but he waits until they
are together so they can go on together. The series does not run in
chronological order. It is not necessary to read the stories in any
kind of order. They are moments in the couple's life that would lead
up to a total joining of the souls.

---

T'Pol awoke with a start. She didn't need to look at her timepiece to
know it was midnight. The dream that had been invading her sleep every
night for a week at that hour had returned! There were beads of sweat
on her forehead and she was panting for breath. Clutching her small
red and gold brocade pillow, she slid to the floor, her legs
automatically moving into the Lotus position. As she leaned forward
until her cheek rested on the cool deck, she reached for her
meditation candle and pulled it close. Needing the strength of
both arms to push herself upright, she took deep breaths to bring a
calming center to her being.

She reached for the traditional tender and flashpoint, and flexed her
hand to be sure it was steady enough to hold the flame. Once she was
sure it was safe to do so, she went through the age-old ceremony that
always accompanied the lighting of a meditation candle. Then
concentrating on the dancing blue and yellow fire, she tried to purge
her mind of the night terror that had been chasing her for the last
seven nights.

---

It began a week ago on a little planet, which was third from its
yellow sun, and had caught Captain Archer's interest. Both the sun and
its planets were small by comparison to many of its much larger
cousins throughout the universe. But 2063 Yankee, as it was called by
its Earth astronomical designation, was lush and green, with a rich
oxygen atmosphere. And the crew had been too long without shore leave.

The planet appeared to be uninhabited, and showed no sign that it had
been for a long time, except for an abandoned settlement on a large
in-land lake of its greatest land mass. After a quick conference
between Captain Archer, T'Pol and Dr. Phlox, it was decided that if
everything checked out, it would be in everyone's best interest to
take enough time to allow the crew, a day or two off Enterprise. But
it didn't take the away team long to discover that this was not a
place for shore leave. The Suliban had destroyed the colony sometime
in the last year!

---

T'Pol had been her usual calm self as she walked through the wreckage
of what had once been a settlement of over a hundred people. She had
seen death before, had even dealt it out when necessary. It was when
she found the dead Suliban soldier that her skin began to feel
strange. She had a momentary flash of herself sitting on the bridge
eight months ago when Silik had taken over Enterprise. Captain Archer
had left her in command when he had gone to surrender himself to the
Suliban, but instead of becoming their prisoner, he had disappeared.
T'Pol's stomach had felt as if she was on a turbo lift that was in
free-fall, but she had hidden it from everyone then, as she was trying
to do now.

"Captain, you had better see this." She called out, after taking two
deep breaths to be sure her voice didn't give her away.

"What've you got there?" He found his science officer crouched down
beside a mostly decomposed body that was wearing a strikingly familiar
orange-red uniform. "Suliban?"

"It would appear so." She consulted her scanner. "Though the findings
are inconclusive, as to cause of death, this man was definitely
Suliban."

"I'd say he died from that hole that was blown in his chest."
Commander Tucker shook his head at the large chunk of charred and
missing uniform, as he sighed and kissed his shore leave good-bye.
"That looks pretty damn conclusive to me!"

"Archer to Enterprise," the captain had quickly contacted the ship to
put the armory on alert, and make preparations to leave orbit. "Trip,
round up the rest of the away team. We meet back at Shuttlepod One in
ten minutes."

"But Cap'n, shouldn't we bury them or something?" He waved his arms
around helplessly at all the bodies that had been left from what could
only have been a slaughter. They had found many dead colonists, but
only the one Suliban.

"That would be unwise, Commander." T'Pol cleared her throat as she
stood and looked around her. She was suddenly cold, though the sun was
as bright as it had been moments earlier. "It is best if we leave no
trace that we've been here. And in many cultures it is disrespectful
to place the dead under the ground."

"Humph," Trip nodded with both hands low on his hips. "Ya got a point
there."

Archer was giving last minute instructions to Enterprise, and not
paying much attention to his first officer and chief engineer. Out of
the corner of his eye, he saw Trip head out for the rest of the
landing party and T'Pol toward the only building left intact, her eyes
on her scanner as she walked. Something told him to follow her, it
might have been instinct, but he liked to think that it was because he
had begun to be able to read her moods.

The sight that met T'Pol when she entered the building made her stop
suddenly. In the corner of the room a body was tied to a cot. Attached
to the body was a square metal collar, with tubes running from it. She
closed her eyes and leaned against the wall. She knew for certain that
when that person had been alive, those tubes had been inserted into
major vessels and had pumped him full of drugs that had spun his head,
and had torn his thoughts apart.

It was what she had experienced eight months ago. She could still hear
Silik's voice, as he demanded to know where Captain Archer was. The
rest of the crew had been locked in their quarters, but she had been
taken to the Helix, and questioned by the Suliban. For the first time
in her adult life she had known fear, and had been unable to control
it. The logic that she had depended on for so long had been washed way
with each heartbeat that sent the drug sluicing through her brain.
Now, eight months later, she leaned against a wall on a strange little
planet in the middle of nowhere, and felt that same fear begin to
nibble at her again!

"T'Pol?" He was calling her name again. Silik had slipped into her
head, and was calling to her. "T'Pol!"

"No!" She whispered as she pushed against the man who was very close.

"Easy, it's me Jonathan." Strong gentle hands closed around her
shoulders and she focused on a voice that had become as familiar to
her as her own.

"Jonathan?" She shook her head and forced her eyes open, expecting to
see the blurry image he had sent her from the future. She hadn't cared
then, and she didn't now, if it was wishful thinking, Suliban trick,
or improvable truth, she grasped on to the sound of his voice with her
shredding mental powers and shored up the blocks of logic that were
her foundation. All those months ago it had been enough, logically it
would be so now. A slow blink of her eyes brought the moment back into
focus and the reality of the man standing strong and real in front of
her. "I gave up my nasal numbing agents a year ago. I was momentarily
overcome, Captain." The look in her eyes dared him to contradict her.

His stomach clenched as he took a quick step to the left, putting his
body between hers and the gristly sight on the cot. It didn't take
much imagination to picture the slim Vulcan being questioned as that
person must have been. He had read her report last September and it
had angered and appalled him, but she had chosen to act as if nothing
had happened.

"Then it would be a good idea to get outside, and back to the
Shuttlepod." He slid his arm around her to lend support, and to his
surprise she didn't pull away until they left the building behind
them.

"If you say so, Sir."

---

That had been seven days ago, and though they had been on alert for
the next five, they didn't see a sign that indicated the Suliban were
anywhere in the area. Mr. Reed had insisted on doing numerous scans
with the positron scanner that had been essential in uncovering
cloaked vessels once before, but still there was nothing.

The crew was unhappy about the loss of shore leave, but relieved to
have outsmarted the Suliban without a fight. The only damage done by
the away mission had been to T'Pol. It was all it had taken to change
what had been little more than an old log entry, into a battle for her
identity. Each night as she awoke from the nightmare, she expected to
turn over and see the blurry face of Jonathan Archer suspended on her
ceiling, but it wasn't there, and each night she'd felt a chill run
through her body as she tumbled from her bed muttering, 'the Science
Vulcan Directorate says time travel is..is..is.. not fair.' It was
only when she realized she'd been dreaming again that she was able to
collect herself enough to meditate.

---

For seven days she had been fighting to hide the crack in her usual
cool façade from those she worked with, but as she was being robbed of
sleep each night, it was becoming harder and harder. She spent extra
time in the gym to make her body physically tired and long hours in
meditation to wear out her mind. Nothing was working. Every night she
still woke with the same dream. Every night she lived again her
capture and helplessness in Suliban hands. Worst of all, every night,
there was no Jonathan Archer, in either image or reality, to help pull
her back from the edge.

Her logic told her that he was right down the hall. All she needed to
do was go two doors down and the man she sought was there. He was
safe. But logic also told her it was wrong to require the assistance
of another at a time like this, especially, another who was not
Vulcan. This was a battle she had to fight and win on her own!

T'Pol blinked as she stared at the bright light of her candle.
Tonight's meditation was not anymore successful than the one the night
before, or the night before that. She stood in one fluid motion and
reached for a robe to cover her green silky pajamas. Then stooped to
blow out the useless flame, that was giving her no peace. Like she had
done every night for a week, she headed out of her quarters,
soundlessly on slim bare feet. Her intended destination was the mess
hall and some tea, but tonight she made it only to the next bend in
the passageway. As if of its own volition, her hand reached out and
pressed the door chime on the Captain's quarters.

The door opened so fast she didn't have time to change her mind.
Suddenly she was face to face with a tall man in sweat pants and soft
gray velour shirt. His arms were crossed and he was leaning on the
inner hatch frame as if he had been waiting impatiently for her
arrival.

"I was going to give you one more night, then I was coming to you."
Archer nodded to the woman standing out side his door. "Well, are you
going to come in or do we have this conversation in the hall?"

"I was headed to the mess for some tea, would you like to join me?"
She folded her hands neatly behind her back and took calming breaths.
It wasn't really a lie, just a way of getting around the truth.

"I'm sure you were, but I'm glad you decided to come here instead." He
stood back giving her space to enter or not as she chose. "T'Pol,
you've trusted me to help you before, besides, I've got tea waiting
right here for you." He held up a slim thermos and smiled. It was only
fair that she drink tea that he had made, since he had been forced to
drink coffee from this very container, that she had made; he only
hoped he did a better job then she had done.

She walked slowly in. Had all those nights of frantic dreaming led to
this? "Vulcan's do not eat or drink beverages in their sleeping
quarters."

"Then it's good that we're in mine." Jonathan was amazed he was able
to speak. Sometimes her innocent use of words painted a picture in his
mind that tore at his gut. In an attempt to hide the desire that had
shot through him, he turned and poured her some tea.

"Thank you Cap—Jonathan." She amended her words when he gave her a
lopsided grin that dared her to say what she really meant.

"How did you know? And what did you mean when you said, that if I
hadn't come to you, you would have come to me tomorrow?" She licked
her lips and squared her shoulders, as she looked him in the eyes, her
mug of tea forgotten in her hand.

"I was there a week ago, remember." He took a step closer. "I read
your log entry in September, and though I wanted to talk about it
then, you kept brushing me off. Now it's time we had that talk." He
was filled with guilt, as he had been months ago, when he had read
what had happened to her while she had tried to protect him and his
ship. But the guilt had increased when he realized five days ago, that
she had been unable to shrug off the incident on 2063 Yankee with the
apparent ease of the original attack.

"I've been having a nightmare. It's the same one each night. I'm back
on the Helix and I can hear Silik's voice asking me questions I don't
know the answers to, but he keeps asking them." Her eyes had gotten a
hollow haunted look as her mind traveled back to the details of her
dream.

"Damn Daniels, if I ever get my hands on him…" Archer muttered threats
to the man who had pulled him into the future and left T'Pol alone to
face the Suliban in his absence.

"No, you do not understand." She tried to interrupt him, but he
wouldn't be stopped.

"No, it's you who doesn't understand." He ground his teeth at the
necessity of his words. "What you're feeling is fear. All your life
you've fought it with logic, managed to suppress it. But now you've
lived on a human ship, surrounded by humans for two years. We seem to
be rubbing off on you. I thought that might be a good thing, but now I
can see it isn't. You're Vulcan, and you can't live with one foot in
two camps! It'll tear you apart and I couldn't stand that."

"It is not for me that I was afraid." She whispered as she watched him
pace in frustration. "If it were, I would have been able to meditate
it away."

"What?" He turned and practically ran her down; she was following him
so closely. His eyes took in the nervous way she gripped her mug, as
if she was holding on to it for dear life. He was afraid to ask the
next question, but knew he would regret it for the rest of his life if
he didn't. "Who is it that you're afraid for?"

"You." The one word could mean so much, or so little. Her stomach felt
as if it was caught in that turbo lift in free fall, all over again.
Squaring her shoulders, she took a breath and looked him in the eyes.
"When I dreamt that I was back in Silik's control, it caused
disharmony, and my thoughts were thrown into chaos, like when he had
used drugs on me. But it is what I found when I forced myself awake,
that caused the mental pain."

"I think you'd better explain." He reached for her tea mug and placed
it on his desk, because if she was saying what he thought she was, she
might never eat or drink anything but water in his quarters again.
Though he had to bite back a grin, because if he was right, he doubted
they would be getting much sleep for a long time to come. In that
case, he could always argue that she didn't really sleep here, and
Vulcan or not she could eat in his quarters.

"Last September when it all happened, the first thing I was aware of
after Silik was through with me, was your voice calling my name." She
could see it as if it was happening all over again. The image he had
sent her across time had become her lifeline back to reality, but if
she was honest with herself, he had been her lifeline for a lot longer
than that. "But in my nightmare, you were never there! I would always
waken, and have to fight the battle alone."

"T'Pol, you're not alone, ever!" He whispered as he ran his hand over
her cheek, fully expecting her to flinch away at the contact, but she
didn't. Instead she leaned in against his touch. Her gentle response,
caused desire to sizzle through him, as he fought to take things slow
and easy, not wanting to push her too fast. "So, what are we going to
do about this?"

"As an unbonded and unmated Vulcan female I am free to do as I
choose." Her rather proper prim answer took him by surprise, but not
as much as when she moved close and ran her nose across his chest, and
up toward his neck. "I have caught your scent Jonathan Archer and it
speaks to me of ancient rituals and burning fires that I have as yet
to experience." She unconsciously whispered what Vulcan women had
spoken down through the ages, when their blood caught the fire that
burned in their mate's veins.

Her sensual words shook him, driving him to wrap his arms around her
as he pulled her closer. Her body was soft and supple against his much
harder one. With one arm around her shoulders he tilted her chin
upward until he could see her eyes to convince himself he wasn't just
imagining her response. She smelled of lemon and exotic spices that
made him want to know if she tasted as good as she smelled.

As his lips covered hers, it felt like coming home. In that instant he
knew that he had dreamed of this since the first time he had seen that
slight twitching of her mouth that was as close as she would ever come
to a smile. He held her gently so she could pull away if it became too
much for her. She seemed willing to follow where he led, so he
deepened the kiss and carefully stroked her lips with his tongue. He
felt the sudden tremble of her mouth against his as she learned the
ways of kissing.

T'Pol was seared with a heat that burned her from the inside out.
Jonathan's touch was fire and gentleness mixed into one. She pulled
him closer, never questioning the overwhelming need to place her right
hand along his cheek and temple. Suddenly she was swamped with
swirling thoughts of desire and sweetness. They came from her, they
came from him, and they came from both of them at the same time. She
could feel him feeling her as if they were the same person.

"Wait!" She wrenched back, breaking the kiss as it was deepening to
the point of no return, and her gentle hold on his face, as if she'd
been burned. "It can not be happening, you are not Vulcan; I should
not be able to catch the fire of Pon Farr from you!"

He knew she wanted him as much as he wanted her. Just before she had
broken off contact, he had seen it as clearly, as if he could read her
mind. He fought with all his being to gain some control, taking huge
breaths to cool down his desires. "Why don't you start from the
beginning, and tell me what you're talking about." Jonathan held her
close, afraid to let her go, now that he had finally gotten her where
he had known she belonged for a long time, but both had refused to
admit it.

"Pon Farr goes back to before the recording of Vulcan history." She
whispered as she shivered in his arms, unable to believe what had
almost happened. "It is how we mate, though it is never spoken of.
Every seven years of his life a Vulcan male is driven by
uncontrollable desires. The desire is passed along to his bondmate;
she feels what he does, through him. It is not just a physical thing,
the ancient emotions are shared on a mental level as well." She was
having a hard time speaking rationally. Her breasts felt full and
sensitive. There was a damp tingling deep in her that made her want to
rub against Jonathan anywhere she could. The fight to control it made
her almost whimper.

"Is that what just happened to us?" If what she said was true, and he
had touched her mind, it was the most profoundly intimate act he had
ever taken part in. It only added to what he was feeling for her. He
had known that he had wanted her as a woman for a long time, and he
had begun to suspect that he loved her, months ago. The idea of
joining his life with this unusual woman, who had been thrust his way,
suddenly became paramount in his wants and needs.

"It was not a complete joining, our minds and desires brushed. I
believe if I had not pulled back when I did, it would have happened.
You are human, it is illogical that such a thing could take place."
She looked as if she was trying to figure out a complex scientific
problem, the only clue that something more was going on was the hot
burning in her green eyes.

"I think maybe you underestimate the strength of my feelings for you."
He whispered, as he fought the urge to fulfill a fantasy and run his
tongue along her delicate ear. "Would it have been such a bad thing to
have happened?" He was afraid of the answer, but they both needed to
know where they stood before one or both of them lost control.

"A Vulcan bonding is for life, Jonathan, not the casual affairs humans
seem to take part in. Once it happened, I would be tied to you until I
died." It was hard to explain how the mental bridge they would form
would still be intact long after his death, but it was as much a part
of being Vulcan as the tips of her ears. "And from the strength with
which our minds met, it is very possible you would have been tied to
me as well."

"T'Pol I'm not looking for some casual affair." He was suddenly very
serious. He wanted to feel again what he'd felt in the moment before
she'd pulled away from him, to feel that he totally belong to her, and
she to him. "I love you, I have for a long time. I knew you were
important to me when the High Command tried to take you away over the
P'Jem affair, but since then you have become like a part of me. I
can't imagine living my life without you in it."

"Jonathan," she leaned her head against his chest and felt his
presence surround her. "This love you talk about, I've never been
taught about it. I know that the thought of you not being in my life
gives me nightmares, and your touch sets me on fire. When our lips met
before, I was willing to follow you wherever you were taking me, to be
your unbonded woman for as long as you desired me, if that was what
you wanted. But then our minds touched and I knew it could be no
casual thing, because it made me feel complete in a way that is spoken
of only between those who are bonded."

"It's called a kiss," he smiled down at her. "I gather it isn't done
on Vulcan." The enormity of what she had been willing to give up to be
in his bed filled him with awe. She loved him. She may not know to use
the word, but only love would permit a person to make such a
sacrifice. Because she would have been forever branded among her
people as a woman without honor for taking a human man in an unbonded,
unmarried affair.

"What?" She was still lost in the feel and smell of him and her mind
wasn't as sharp as usual.

"The meeting of the lips, it's called a kiss." He lifted her chin and
looked her in the eyes. If she were unwilling to bond with him, he
would have to find the strength to pull away from her, because his
love for her would allow nothing less. "I think we should do it again,
and I want to feel you in my mind forever." One hand reached for the
belt of her robe and began to slide along her smooth warm skin under
her pajama top, and the other wrapped around the back of her head and
drew her toward his waiting mouth.

"It would seem the logical course of action." She whispered as their
lips met. Her dry humor was rewarded with a deep chuckle that sent his
mouth purring over hers. The sensations caught her in a whirlwind of
desire that drove her to do some exploring of her own. One small hand
began working its way under his shirt and the other clasp the side of
his face pulling him closer to her.

As their minds and bodies combined, they were lost in a swirl of color
and a depth of feeling that almost overpowered them. Each felt what
the other was feeling, as well as what they were feeling themselves.
There was no ending or beginning to the man or woman, as their minds,
bodies and hearts moved in unison. Soon they were lost in a tangle of
arms and legs on his bed, moving and touching, never seeming to get
enough of each other.

The trail of torn and messy clothing they left behind them, proof of
the urgency of the first flashes of desire, that mixed gentle caring
with a hunger that was driven higher and higher by an ancient rhythm
that had throbbed down the ages from Earth and Vulcan. It came from
the beginning of time, to meet at last on a small starship in the huge
void of deep space. As their minds and bodies moved as one, exploding
and soothing, until each found a peace deep within the other that they
had never known before. They had found the Pon Farr, the perfect fire.

---

THE BEGINNING
Read But I Never Told Him and see how their story ends.