The BLTS Archive - The Light My Candle Trilogy
Story #2: Shimmer
by KyRoka (kyroka@aol.com)

---

"... so you see, Captain, the morphogenic sequences simply took over
the Major's body. Her own body didn't fight back because there *was*
nothing to fight back with.  The Dominion destroyed every impulse and
reaction her body could have had. In a way, their means of torturing
her to death enabled us to bring her back to life."

"Amazing -- and yet she still knows who she is. How is that?"

"Dr. Bashir believes that the Changeling portion did pick up her
memory engrams and so forth, incorporating them in with what I had
already given up to her." Odo stood a little less than ramrod straight
before the Captain's desk.  The past few days had been taxing, both
physically and mentally, as he tried to teach Kira the basics of
shapeshifting. Many times they had both simply collapsed from
exhaustion, but there was always a faint, almost shy amber tendril
reaching out towards golden.

"Well, Constable, looking at your report, it looks like you've got
your work cut out for you." Sisko picked up the baseball sitting in
front of him. "I only hope that the Major is able to return to work
soon," he said seriously. "I can't seem to handle some of these
pretentious captains who think they run the place."

Odo was about to protest the light made of Kira's job when the captain
flashed one of his trademark smiles.  "Yes, Captain. I'll let her know
you said so." Odo turned and walked from the office, a small smile of
his own forming.

"Uh, Constable ..." Sisko called in desperation, but Odo ignored the
captain's plea for safety from the major's temper.

---

Kira sat at the desk in her quarters. She was going to have a hard
time explaining to the Bajoran Militia that their Bajoran Liason to
DS9 was no longer exactly Bajoran. No doubt the Kai was going to have
a field day with this one.

Kira opened a new communique, addressing it to the First Minister and
the Vedek Assembly. It was something that they both deserved to hear
first.

"First Minister, Vedeks of the Assembly, I realize that you have most
likely already heard of my recent encounter with the Dominion. When I
finally was returned to _Deep Space Nine_, my situation was grim. In
fact, grim is a bit of an understatement. To put it bluntly, I was
dead.

"However, I am here before your eyes so something must have
transformed me back from death. And transform is a good word for what
has happened." Kira paused, indecisive. There were still those on
Bajor who held ill feelings about Odo. How that could be was a battle
fought daily inside of herself, but no matter her feelings, how could
she tell them without stirring up more trouble?  Maybe she could talk
to Odo about it.

A prompting beep brought her attention back to the message she was
composing. With a button, she deleted it; this was not yet the time.

Another beep, more of a chime this time, caught Kira's attention.
"Come in."

The doors parted to admit Odo, as they were regularly accustomed to
doing these past few days.

"How'd it go?" Kira asked, rising from her seat to greet him.

"I think the captain is a little ... perplexed about what to do with
two Changelings on his senior staff." Odo said, wrapping his arms
around Kira's waist and leaning his forehead against hers. He took a
steadying breath; sometimes the entire situation seemed a bit too
perfect.

"I've missed you," Kira said, laying her head against Odo and hugging
him closer.

"I was only gone an hour, Nerys. The captain gave me time off so I
could spend it with you, remember?"

"I know, but it gets lonely here. I'm not ready to go out yet and ..."

Odo could feel the pain in her unspoken words, the way she was
shaking. He also knew that she no longer had the release of crying. He
reached for her hand, twining fingers into finger until they melted
together.

He took the pain to him, the exquisite pain that had been building for
days now. And there was the uncertainty about her future. Would the
Bajoran Militia allow her to remain? Would they even allow her to
retain her commission? Would Starfleet allow her to stay? They had
always had their problems with Odo. There was anger at that. What was
she going to do? Her face was still not right, she simply didn't
possess the memory of what she looked like to replicate it. There was
a stranger in the mirror each morning and she was scared. She was
scared by it all.

Odo remembered -- remembered what it had been like for him to be
stripped of his identity, locked into human form.  Now for Kira, it
was as if someone had simply stripped her of everything she had known:
form, shape, solidity, even something basic as her face. He flooded
her with memories and details. He gave her the sense of what her face
looked like, of who she was and would always be to him, and he gave
her courage -- irascible courage.

What did Starfleet know? What would it matter? She had a life here,
friends here, a companion here. Odo was here. Kira was here. Odo was.
Kira was. Odo was Kira was Odo was Kira was Odo. Nothing else
mattered.  Nothing else ever would.

---

Three days later Kira had the basics of being a Changeling down. First
and foremost had been her appearance, her identity amongst living
people. Next had been thought control, Kira had to be taught that
thoughts could all too easily become reality. Changeling material had
the obnoxious habit of being rather mischievious if not controlled
properly.

It was nearly a week after dying that Kira stepped onto the Promenade
again. She noticed that no one seemed to pay much attention to her,
but then she was clothed in simpler off-duty clothes. It was amazing
how much she could see -- with just a sight adjustment o fher cornea,
every detail was brought into focus.

Kira began to browse through the shops, chatting with people she had
once thought she would never see again.  She was admiring a necklace
accented with small jewels when a familiar voice called to her.

"Nerys!"

Kira looked to her left, searching for the owener of the voice. It
only took a moment to spot the Trill working her way through the
crowd. Kira couldn't help but smile.

"Doing a little shopping, I see."

"Oh, not really," Kira said, putting down the necklace with a smile at
the merchant.

"Come on," Dax said, pulling her by the arm. "You're just in time to
join me for lunch."

"Dax ..." Kira started, trying to hold her ground.

"No, you're coming with me -- and don't give me the "I don't eat'
spiel. Odo's tried that at least a hundred times and it hasn't worked
yet." Dax smiled at the friend she was dragging behind her.

---

"So, what's it like?" Dax asked, setting her tray down on the table.

"What, being a Changeling?"

Dax nodded, her mouth full of disgusting, wriggling, live *gagh.*

"It's very ... different. There are so many things I've gotten used to
in my thirty odd years as a Bajoran -- things as simple as eating,
tasting, smelling or now being able to see or hear something clearly.
It's all taking a  bit of adjustment." Kira sat back in her chair.

"And what about things with Odo, has that taken adjustment too?" Dax
asked, curiousity piquing her tone.

"Things with Odo are ... fine," Kira hedged. "All in all, though, I
think the idea of being of Changeling is easier for me to deal with."

"Compared to?" Dax prodded.

"Compared to him loving me, Jadzia. Is that what you wanted to hear?"
Kira retorted.

"Yes, continue." Dax smiled before scooping up another portion of
gagh.

"There is one good thing about being a Changeling.  There's no stomach
to be revolted by your eating habits."  Kira sighed. "Odo's been
wonderful, he's taught me so much and when we link, it's pure
paradise. He can soothe my questions with just a thought, and somehow
I help him too. But then when he's not around, I get incredibly
lonely."

"Well, that's not surprising, considering what he's done for you and
the amount of time you two have been spending together. Why, he was
practically the only person you even saw after your transformation.
It's natural that you would start to feel dependent on him." Dax
offered.

"But I don't think it's just that. I think there's part of me that
can't exist without him, physically."

"Have you talked to Julian about it?" Dax asked, concerned.

"No, this is my first day outside of my quarters, and somehow the
Infirmary was not high on my list of places to visit." Kira leaned
into the back of her chair, letting the ambiance of the Promenade soak
in. How she had missed it all.

"Well maybe it should be. Have you talked to Benjamin yet?"

"No, that was on my list though. I'm not exactly sure what I can tell
him, I still haven't contacted the officials on Bajor about all of
this. Truth is, I'm a little afraid to."

"Look, Nerys, whatever they decide, DS9 will still be your home. None
of us are going anywhere, and we sure as hell not going to let you
skip out on all the fun -- especially Odo."

Kira tried to believe the words, willed herself to feel the sense of
home DS9 provided her with. But there was still something missing. "I
know you're right, Dax, I'm just having a hard time convincing myself
to believe it." Kira stood from her seat. "Maybe a visit to the Temple
would help."

"Well," Dax said, "I should be getting back to work anyhow. Call me if
you need to talk to a humanoid," she finished, a light lilt to her
tone and comforting hand.

Kira squeezed her hand and set off for the Temple.

---

Odo stepped wearily into the quarters Nerys and he had been sharing
for almost a week now. If there had been long days in the justice
department before, this one had been five times worse. Quark had
hatched a ludicrous scheme, attempting to sell holographic vole
fights, live each week. A traveling Tholian had reported a thatch of
silk missing from the ship's load only to realize it had never been
packed in the first place. Seventeen distinct captains had asked for
an abnormally high level of security, and the starship _Juneau_ was
docked for minor repairs which meant the ambassador on board needed to
be attended to. It was with a grateful spirit that he finally stepped
through the doors into peace.

"Nerys? Nerys, I'm home," Odo called gently. He knew that Kira had
planned to visit the Promenade this morning, and he hoped that nothing
had gone wrong.

"Computer, location of Kira Nerys," he asked after there was no reply.

"Kira Nerys is currently located in Security Chief Odo's quarters."

That was puzzling, he didn't see her anywhere.

"Nerys?" he continued to call as he entered the bedroom.  "Nerys,
where are you?" A dull shimmer from the corner caught his attention.
"Nerys, are you all right?"

The small sphere of amber shivered at the question.

"Nerys, what's wrong?" Odo asked, but there was no response. He
reached out quietly, waiting for her to take his hand, and it was only
a moment before a tendril lashed out and gripped him for dear life.

And he saw what had happened. After lunch with Dax, she had gone to
visit the Temple, hoping to clear her mind and redefine her path. A
vedek had come over to her, looking to help her pagh. How the vedek
had reached out, pinched her ear -- and found nothing. *My child, your
pagh eludes me. Perhaps you should consult one of the other vedeks.*
But there were words behind the words, and Kira had found herself
lost, with no pagh to tie her to the Prophets. She was floating, her
anchor lost in some form of death and life and rebirth.

And Odo did not know what to say. How could he comfort the loss of
something he had never invested in? He had beliefs and faith in
things, but they were all tangible things easily defined. The
Prophets, as close as they were just inside of the wormhole, were
still a mystery. Their plan for Bajor, if they truly had one, was
still cloaked and clouded in prophecies that had been passed down and
interpreted into confusion. He had helped her recover her life, but he
could not help her recover her faith.

He felt Nerys withdraw slightly, but it was not out of resentment.
There was a need for thought and reflection.  This would be a solitary
journey.

---

Where was her faith? Nothing felt different inside of herself, deep in
her pagh. She still felt the guidance and will of the Prophets in
every step she took, there was still the devotion and faith -- but had
it taken a different form?  One that the vedek could not identify? But
if even the vedek could not identify it, how could she expect to?

Kira stood in front of her prayer wheel, one of the few things she had
retained from her quarters when she had moved in with Odo. She started
the traditional chants, words and cadences that she had been saying
since she was a small child living in the caves. They would lull her
into that hypnotic state where the hints of clarity and direction
would come, where she would be able to find the peace hiding inside of
her.

And she chanted.

And chanted.

Chanting with a voice that would not become hoarse, with a throat that
would never be raw, with limbs that would take hours to tire, with
breathless sentences; the words flowed through her over and over
again, buffeting the prayer wheel with an endless chant.

And it did not work.

There was no relief, the Prophets did not call to her.

She was not who she was, only a shell of the person she had been.

---

Everyone noticed a change in Kira from the moment she stepped from her
quarters for the second time. There was a lackluster glean in her
eyes, a purpose and energy missing from her stride. In short, there
was nothing of Kira in her. The change escaped no one, least of all
Odo.

He had tried to ask several times what was wrong, but somehow there
was no answer to that question.

So he linked with her each time she reached out to him.  Each time he
felt they were making progress. They had moved beyond her faith to
conquer her confusion over his feelings for her, the worries about the
Vedek Assembly's decision which was slow coming despite her contacting
them more than a day ago, and dealing with all the aspects of humanoid
life that were no longer a part of her life.

Eating. Tasting. Smelling. The clean feeling taking a shower produced.
The safety and comfort of sliding under the covers. Yes, there were
new sensations now, but they did not compare. The future stretched
interminably before her. How long did Changelings live? It would be a
lonely life, even with Odo beside her.

No children.

The thought came rushing forward, catching even Nerys off-guard. She
had not considered that, had not even been actively planning to have
children before ... but always there had been the choice. Now she had
the choice of any shape and form, but she did not have the choice of
raising of family made of her own body.

A child. Odo had known what it was like to have a child, and that time
had been one of the happiest he had known. Even in death, there had
been a sense of joy as the baby Changeling had known that on some
level it would be going home, and that Odo would be returning to his
home -- Changeling form. But there were so many things he had never
gotten the chance to do, to actually raise the child, to teach him or
her about the world in which humanoids existed. To learn through
teaching, and be happier than he ever had before. To have a little
body run through the door every day, ecstatic to see you. To scoop up
in your arms a bundle of living joy. To be the one consulted about all
nightmares, scrapes, bumps, and bruises. To be neither aunt nor uncle,
but mother and father.

Odo paused, realizing that Kira had similar feelings. In a way, she
too had lost a child. But for both of them, the child had never truly
been theirs.

Kira withdrew from the link, feeling sick. There were too many
memories and feelings to deal with. She needed time.

Odo touched her briefly, sending love coursing to her, before coiling
up and springing to the window sill, a column of golden gel coalescing
into humanoid form on impact. How long would it take, for Kira to be
comfortable as a Changeling?

---

Julian Bashir stood chatting with one of the nurses on duty when the
doors to the Infirmary opened.

"Major, it certainly is good to see you up and about. What can I do
for you?"

"I'm, ah, I'm not feeling well," Kira said, slightly out of breath and
leaning against one of the biobeds. "It feels like a stomachache, but
since I don't have a stomach anymore ..."

"Well, let's take a look. I don't know much about Changeling
physiology, but I'll see what I can do." Julian snatched a scanner
from a nearby tray as Kira hoisted herself up onto the bed.

"So, Doctor, what's wrong with me?"

"Well, everything checks out, except that your body mass has increased
by twenty percent, and it seems to be concentrating in your abdominal
region which might explain the "stomachache.' In fact ..." Julian
pulled a padd from a shelf, cross-referencing the readings.
"Congratulations, Major, I don't know how or why, but it appears that
you are pregnant."

---

"What?" Odo exclaimed.

"She's pregnant," Bashir countered calmly.

"But she's a Changeling."

"Even Changelings have to reproduce somehow. I just wish knew exactly
what caused it," Julian marveled.

"When is she due?"

"Well, judging by the rate of growth, I'd say a little over an hour."

"An hour?"

Bashir nodded. "Seems Changelings don't waste time."

"It would appear so," Odo conceded. "Can I see her?"

"Of course. She doesn't seem to be under any stress, just a bit of a
stomachache feeling," Bashir said with a smile.

Odo simply nodded in comprehension, even as his mind ran tumults.


"Hello, Odo."

"Hello, Nerys." There was so much he wanted to say, so many things she
needed to know, how much he wanted this baby to be part of a family --
their family, but he could not find the words.

"Odo." Nerys said simply, reading the love in his eyes.  She reached
out to take his hand, letting them melt together. He knew, realized
that the child was their doing out of the love for past children. He
knew that she wanted the child to grow up in that love that had
created it. He knew that she loved him and would always love him. He
knew that.

And everything was perfect in the world.

---


"Odo, not another toy!" Kira sighed. "I can hardly walk across the
floor as it is."

"Then it's a good thing you're a Changeling," Odo replied, kissing her
lightly on the cheek.

"And what if Dax wants to visit? Or anyone else for that matter?"

"Then we'll clear a path when they get here," Odo said with a shrug.
"Now where is Pira?"

"Last I knew, she was a piece of the quartz over in the corner," Kira
said, trying to clear the floor of the various textured pieces Odo
insisted on bringing home everyday.

"Pira, I have something for you," Odo called. Almost immediately, a
fiery shimmer grew from a piece of frayed rope to a small child,
almost a meter tall.

"O'to!" she called, vaulting the few feet into his arms. "You home."

"That's right, and I've brought you something," Odo said, hiding the
object behind his back.

"What?" Pira asked, trying to climb out of the arms that kept her
prying eyes from the object.

"It's a surprise, let's see if you can guess."

"Ist a bunny?" Pira asked hopefully, her eyes full of curiousity.

"Pira, you know what we decided. No live animals until you're older,"
Kira replied.

Pira's face fell, but only for a moment as her mind set to work again.
"Ist another rock?"

"No, I think you have enough of those," Odo said, noticing Kira roll
her eyes.

"What ist, O'to?" Pira asked, her patience up.

"It is called a teddy bear," he said solemnly, pulling the small
creature from behind his back.

"Tetty ber," Pira echoed, clutching the toy to her as Odo set her on
the floor. "Ist soft, O'to."

"Yes, it is, Pira," Odo said, crouching down. "Humanoid children sleep
with them to make them feel safe."

"Dose ber have name?" Pira asked.

"No, that's up to you, Pira. What do you think would be a good name?"

"A'baasher," she said after a moment of intense thought.

"Well then A'baasher it is." Odo stood. "Now, why don't you go put
A'baasher in your room before we go to see Dax."

Pira looked up at the sound of Dax's name. "We go Tac's?"

"That's right," Kira said, "but A'baasher probably needs some rest.
You can play with him later."

Pira nodded obediently before running to her room.

Kira sighed as she fitted herself into Odo's side. "You realize who
she named the bear after, don't you?"

"No."

"I swear, Odo, sometimes I don't know whether you don't pay attention
to anything or you just like to agravate me."

"A little of both, I suspect," Odo said, earning a slap on the arm.

"A'baasher doesn't sound like Bashir to you?"

"Bashir?" Odo exclaimed, surprise in his eyes.

"Well, think about it. He's one of the few people she sees regularly,
between the check-ups and visits."

"It could be worse, I suppose. It could be Quark." Odo placed an arm
around Kira, hugging her closer to him, thankful for every moment.

---

It was Pira's second birthday, a day of great celebration and joy in
Odo and Kira's family which now informally included Dax, Bashir, the
O'Briens, Sisko, Worf, and even Quark. Pira had grown incredibly fast,
reaching the grace and composure of a fourteen year old humanoid in
her two years of existence. There was the understanding that she was
unlike other children her age, that the school class she would be
entering would be composed of many Bajorans and other species, some
that she may not have encountered before.

But Pira did not mind. She had grown to enjoy the variety of people
that inhabited and visited DS9. Some of her favorite days had been
spent sitting on the Promenade (usually at the Replimat. Odo had some
preoccupation with her just standing on the second level). But she had
also learned to mimic parts of the bulkheads, and even Odo could not
find her then. They were her sacred times, only her existence and her
watchful eye the things that mattered.

Today, however, today was time for a party! Pira already knew not to
expect too many extravagent gifts. Kira had complained enough over two
years about the number of things Odo cluttered their quarters with.
But she also knew that Dax could not resist.

The O'Briens arrived first, Miles, Keiko, Molly and Yoshi.  No gifts
from them, but that was little surprise. Tending Molly and Yoshi had
surely given Miles and Keiko a good impression of floors covered with
toys. Although there were other things one could give as gifts, but
almost everything could be considered a toy to a Changeling.

Bashir was the next partygoer to arrive, and Pira felt an anxiety
build inside herself. It was something that only her teddy bear
A'baasher could understand, something she only talked to him about.
Perhaps Kira needed her help preparing the food, humanoids after all
required food.

"Pira, it's your party, why don't you go talk to your guests?" Kira
suggested, handling more than one platter of food.

"But I thought you could use some help."

Kira eyed her ... daughter (somehow the term always seemed ill-suited)
with a questioning look. "And all this time I thought you actually
*liked* ..."

"Kira!" Pira insisted in hushed tone. "Fine, I'll go talk to Miles and
Keiko." She set the platter of hasperat back on the table. For an
ex-Resistance fighter and once-Bajoran liason to the station, Kira
somehow lacked discretion in certain situations.

Kira, to her credit, only watched Pira's interaction with the good
doctor the rest of the night with half an eye.

Quark arrived just in time for the food, and Dax and Worf followed
almost on the Ferengi's heels.

"Sorry I'm late, but I had an account to settle," Quark proclaimed
before dipping a tasting finger into the jam'la sauce.

Odo rolled his eyes, wondering if maybe his deputies needed extra
practice to prevent such "accounts" from being settled.

"And I was beginning to wonder if we'd ever get here," Dax commented.
"Klingons may be fierce warriors, but never ask one to wrap a gift!"

Worf merely stood silently, but Pira's ears had caught the vital word
in Dax's statements: gift. She was about to inquire more, most
politely of course, when the doors opened again.

"Well, it's about time you got here, Benjamin," Dax commented as the
captain walked through the doors.

"And you just missed beating her, Captain," Kira added.

"Well, if it helps, I did bring a gift," Sisko offered, raising the
package in his hand.

Another gift!

Odo noted Pira's perked attention and wondered if maybe he hadn't
spoiled the girl. There had been times when the floor had literally
been half a meter thick in toys and trinkets, but he had felt each
item vital to the girl's education on shapeshifting. It was important
that cultivate her talent through practice and not based solely on
what he could tell her.

And they seemed to have worked as Pira now managed not only her form
but clothing as well. There had certainly been a vast improvement from
the precocious half- finished child she had been. He had even been
able to help Nerys hone her talents through the same exercises and
practices.

Odo looked over at Kira, busy placing the table of food in order. She
looked happy, and yet there was a sadness in her eyes. It was
something that became all too apparent at gatherings like this. Kira
Nerys missed her work, missed her job as Bajoran Liason to _Deep Space
Nine_ and Major in the Bajoran Militia. Even Shakaar could not
persuade the Vedek Assembly to accept her as she had become. It had
been a severe blow.

At least there had been Pira to take care of. Oro Pira, the name a
mixture of Bajoran and Terran languages. Oro came from the Terran
language known as Spanish and meant "gold." Pira was a Bajoran term
meaning "gift," but it was generally used as an affectionate for a
child.  Together, they proclaimed what Pira truly was: a golden gift.

"Well, Pira, are you going to open your gifts?" Bashir asked.

Odo felt eager eyes bore into him, begging permission without saying a
word. "Go ahead, Pira."

Pira nearly tripped over herself as she stepped forward to open her
gifts.

"Wait," Kira said, stepping forward. "Odo and I have something first."

Pira's face transformed from disappointment at the deterrment to
delight. Rarely had she been given anything lately, and things hardly
ever came from both Odo and Kira.

"This is something we think you should have, Pira. We know you're
still young, but sometimes things can happen that will change your
life with no regard for your age." Kira pulled from a box a small
golden pendant on a simple chain. "This is a locket for you to keep
with you. In it is a portion of both Odo and myself. That way you will
always know that we are well wherever you go." Kira placed the locket
into the girl's hand, linking with her as she did.

Remember: there is always love.

Pira nodded, the knowledge flowing through her body and Kira's. She
had always known that Odo and Kira loved her and loved each other. She
had been able to sense it even without the Link. The locket slipped
around her neck and there was an anchoring of her spirit to these two
people who had been such integral parts of her life.

But there were other guest ... and other presents that she needed to
attend to.

"Here you are, Pira," Dax said rather solemnly as she handed over the
gift.

Pira wondered at the contents of the rather quaint and delicate
package. A book, perhaps? She knew they were rare items, but she also
knew that Dax reveled in them.  Smooth pages that turned rough at the
edges, covers that were indented and stamped with the title and author
-- that would be a treat.

Or maybe it would be a companion for A'baasher -- although from what
she understood about fourteen year old Bajorans, a teddy bear was not
something commonly paraded out.

Finally, Pira let her fingers slide under the adhesive, breaking the
first seal.

Was the room spinning a bit?

Another edge.

It would have helped if the guests had not careened so around the
room.

Another, only one left.

And Pira felt herself losing her grip on Dax's gift, losing control,
losing form and shape and thought and mind and ...

"Pira? Pira?" Kira asked as she watched the form in front of her
coalesce into a puddle of gel. "Pira!" Kira reached out, linking with
the child, trying to determine what was wrong and how she could mend
it.

"Nerys, break the link!" Odo exclaimed, suddenly dragging Kira away
from their child.

"Odo, I have to find out what's wrong. I have to fix whatever ..."

"Nerys, look." Odo gently indicated the edge of the gel as it changed
colors, shifting through the spectrum to settle on an unnatural hue of
blue. She had never seen his child, the sick one, too busy with her
own, but he knew all too well what this could mean.

And how empty life would be if they lost their daughter.

---

"Well, Julian?" Kira asked, pouncing on the doctor as he stepped from
the lab.

"I'd like to say I've extricated all of the sickness, but last time
even a miniscule amount was enough to ..."

Odo nodded, understanding the doctor's wish to not complete the
sentence. And he felt helpless. Julian had forbidden them to link with
Pira, lest the sickness spread.  What else could he do but wait? Where
else could he turn?

"Nerys," Odo whispered, his eyes and form suddenly heavy, "Nerys, I
think maybe we should ... pray."

"To whom, Odo? You don't believe in gods, and mine have abandoned me.
Who's left?"

"At this point, Nerys, I'd pray to Quark if I thought it would do the
least bit of good." Odo looked into her eyes.  Conviction was easy to
come by; faith, a measured lie; but to believe so totally in someone
so as to forget everything else and remember it all in the same
instance -- that was something Odo had fought against his whole life.

"Somehow I think the Prophets would appreciate your words more than
Quark, Odo."

---

Odo found himself uncomfortable in the Temple, but what was more
disturbing was Kira's equal discomfort. There had been a time when the
Temple would have brought a depth of peace into the brown eyes he
adored so much, something he had never experienced. And now she
stirred before him, the chants she recited cold and unflinching.

So much was at stake; so much was carefully controlled.  To open
himself to the Prophets, the wormhole aliens, to allow something ...
anything to access that part of him:  would he be able to maintain
control?

"It's not about control, Odo," Kira said quietly. "It's about losing
yourself and finding it again in the place you never thought you
would: right where you already were. Just let go. Let go of the
suspicions, the doubt, the anger, the mystery, the wonder, the scorn,
everything. Let it go and you will find what you have been looking
for."

Odo listened to Kira's words, trying to tie his faith in her into the
advice. But all he heard was the cadence of her chants, the way her
voice wrapped its tone around each syllable and sound as if they were
natural sounds, not preformed words and rhythms. There was a little of
Kira back in her, some piece of herself regained, but he did not dare
ask about it now.

Now it was time to pray.

---

Four hours later, Odo and Kira found themselves being called back to
the Infirmary.

Odo clasped Kira's hand tightly, anxiety building through his entire
body. And they knew as soon as they saw him step forward, grim lines
etched into his young face.

"I'm sorry," Bashir said, wearily stepping once again from the lab.
"There's nothing I can do."

And the world shattered into infinite agony.

---

The End