The BLTS Archive- Mending Fences by Capt. Krusher 2002 ( --- Disclaimer: Damn, do I need one? Uh, Ok.. The whole Trek thing isn't mine, I just took it out for a cruise around the galaxy.. I'll return them, HONEST! This story takes place approximately six months after the ending of Insurrection. Oh and have I mentioned that I have been working on this since Insurrection!?? Long time, finally done. Also, this is my VERY FIRST story so I guess I can say that my fanfic cherry has been officially popped! Be kind ? Thanks Jen-nay for the advice!!! I love ya babe! --- "All the planets in all the quadrants and he had to pick this one to take his leave." Beverly Crusher sighed to herself when she spotted him in the small town square. Six months had past since the Ba'ku mission, six months since Beverly left the Enterprise and Starfleet behind and yet, she still was not ready to face him. She tried to remain hidden in the shadows, out of his view, but it was no use. He had spotted her and was walking towards her. "Hello Jean Luc," she said as he came to stand before her. "Beverly, How have you been?" he asked quietly. "Fine..Fine.. I've been good...Keeping busy," she stuttered nervously as she tried to quell the butterflies in her stomach. "Jean Luc, I am ready to go." Beverly turned her head to see who had spoken. Her heart fell and her head spun as she saw the small red headed woman take his arm is hers. "Oh, Marie, there you are," he said tenderly. "Marie, this is Beverly." Beverly shook the other woman's hand and gave her best smile although she felt like she was dying inside. Jean Luc looked at Beverly. "We've got to get going, it's getting late. It was so good to see you again." Beverly merely nodded her head, but his next actions shook her to her very soul. His arms encircled her slim waist and he whispered, "I've missed you" before he released her and walked away. She stood in the small square, her heart breaking, staring after them as they walked away arm in arm. After a few moments passed and more than a few tears had fallen, she managed to whisper "Jean Luc." --- Jean Luc Picard could not resist the urge to glance over his shoulder in the direction of Beverly Crusher. He wasn't sure what he expected,but what he saw he sure as hell wasn't ready for. She was standing motionless where he left her, silent tears streaming down her porcelain cheeks. In the almost thirty years he had known her, the only time he had seen her cry was the night he brought her dead husband's body home to her and her young son. He couldn't fathom why she was crying now. He resigned himself to the fact that he probably would never get the chance to find out. When Beverly left Starfleet, she had severed all contact with him and her friends onboard the Enterprise. His one attempt to contact her had left him with no new answers, and even more questions. Marie noticed the grim expression on her brother in law's face and knew exactly who the beautiful red head was. "So, that's the one, huh?" Startled out of his self-imposed reverie and not sure of what Marie had asked, he questioned her quietly, "The one what?" "That's the woman who broke your heart?" Picard said nothing, just simply nodded his weary head. " Jean Luc, it's been what? Five months since she left " "Six." "Okay, it's been six months since she left Starfleet and you behind, don't you think it's time you finally moved on with your life also?" Jean Luc understood what Marie was trying to do, but he just wasn't ready to let it. let her go, not until he understood why she left without so much as an explanation or a goodbye. --- Beverly couldn't believe it. The reason she left the Enterprise was because Jean Luc had fallen in love with Anij...or so she thought. Now here he was, six months later with a different woman on his arm. "I thought he loved me. Why couldn't he give me a little more time?" She had come to this place in the hopes of regaining some of her inner balance, and once and for all face that which she ran from for years, her love for Jean Luc Picard. She wanted to talk to him, wanted to explain her reasons for leaving. Now though, she didn't care about explanations, the only thing she could think of was how much it hurt to see him again. She was overcome with the need to be alone, away from the strangers on the street, away from the painful memories that threatened to overtake her, and as far away from him as possible. She turned away from the spot where Jean Luc stood just moments before and ran back to her cottage on the edge of town. --- So deep in his thoughts, he barely noticed the beautiful scenery of the way back to the cottage. He picked this particular cluster of guesthouses because it reminded him of a small village in his native France. There were several houses lined up so that the back porch was overlooking the lake, and beyond the lake was the most breathtakingly beautiful mountain. When Jean Luc had first seen the mountain reflecting into the lake he immediately thought about how much Beverly would love it, it was just the kind of naturalistic beauty she adored. He was sitting on the porch drinking his Earl Grey when Marie decided she had watched her brother in law wallow in his own self pity for too long, it was time to take action, or at least try to get him to discuss his feelings. --- Beverly arrived at her cottage a few minutes later, just in time to see the beautiful mountain reflecting off the lake. *It's so beautiful* she thought. *Here I am, alone in the most perfect place I have ever been and I am miserable. I can't believe what just happened. That son of a bitch, how could he do this to me? * Then she remembered that he did nothing, nothing but get on with his life after *she* left him. Beverly felt the tears threatening to overtake her again and headed to the porch to breathe the crisp mountain air and try to clear her head. She grabbed a glass, a bottle of wine and a blanket and headed out the back door. The air that hit her when she opened the door was so fresh, so exhilarating, she almost forgot why she was upset. She gazed at the mountain and wondered what it would be like to look down at the village from atop the great peak. * Too bad I'm afraid of heights or I would climb that damn thing * As her thought echoed in her mind, Beverly had a moment of clarity; she finally realized the reason for her being alone. She was afraid to face and conquer her fears; for years she had allowed her fears to conquer and dictate her life. Her fear of heights left her feeling excluded more than a few times during her academy days. The nagging fear that she was going to lose Jack always kept her from truly opening herself up to his love. And then there was Jean Luc, god how she loved him. The one true love of her life and her fear of loosing him ultimately cost her the happiness she has always wanted. "Why didn't I just stay on the Enterprise after the Ba'ku incident and TELL him why I was so scared? Why couldn't I just let Jean Luc love me?" . Beverly spoke bitterly into her wine, ignoring the silent tears for what might have been, running down her face. After pouring a few more servings of wine, Beverly angrily finished up what remained in her glass; she had made up her mind. She would set off to conquer the mountain at first light and stop being a victim of her fears. She glanced down at the empty bottle, and decided to go to bed. It was going to be a long day tomorrow. As she rose from the chair, she lost her balance and dropped the empty bottle and glass. She watched the glass and wine bottle fall in slow motion, and finally shatter into a million tiny pieces on the ground. *The perfect ending to the perfect day* she laughed a deep, throaty laugh. She entered the house totally oblivious to the man staring at her from two houses down. --- Marie was just about to say something to Jean Luc when she noticed him staring at something. She followed his gaze and saw Beverly Crusher stumble into the house. "Not very graceful is she?" "On the contrary Marie, she is the most graceful and beautiful woman I have ever known." This was her chance, she had finally gotten Jean Luc to say something... anything about the woman, now if she could just convince him to follow his heart. "Tell me about her Jean Luc." He didn't want to talk about her, didn't want to drudge up the memories of her that he tried so hard to bury. One look from Marie and he knew she would not let it lie so he started to tell her about Beverly , and once he started, he couldn't stop. He told her about the first time he ever saw the beautiful red head, he had been in love with her from that very first day. He spoke about how his heart broke the day she married his best friend, and the guilt he carried for feeling that way about his best friend's new wife. He continued on about how Jack died under his command and that it was he who told Beverly about the death of her husband. Jean Luc commented on the anxiety he felt when Beverly was assigned to the Enterprise D, and how he tried to block that assignment. He smiled when he told Marie that over the years he no longer saw her as his best friend's wife but as his best friend. Marie saw Jean Luc tense as he spoke about their abduction on the plant Kesprytt, and about the discussion they had by the fire. "Why didn't I tell her then how I felt? I could tell she felt the same way, but that night, after we were rescued, when I suggested we explore our feelings, she made some excuse about how we should be afraid to explore them and then she left." "Jean Luc, did you ever tell her you 'love' her? You say you told her you once loved her, but does she know how you really feel?" His answer was almost a whisper, "No". --- Daylight had come and Beverly cursed the hangover that made the room spin. She sat up in bed and tried to move out of the suns bright rays. Unfortunately, she sat up too quickly and was overcome with feelings of nausea. She barely made it to the bathroom before she threw up. *Oh god Bev, What the hell were you thinking!?* Her own voice screamed at her in her head. She sat on the floor of the bathroom, where the cold tiles felt good on her bare legs. Leaning against the bathtub she thought about the promise she made to herself last night. She got up, gave herself a hypo for the hangover and proceeded to pack her backpack for her hike up the mountain. *I must have lost my mind, I can't do this. * Beverly blew out an angry breath. "STOP IT Just stop it, stop letting your fears dictate your life!" she muttered angrily as she forcefully shoved a sweater into her pack. She finished packing in quiet determination and then headed towards the replicator to get some breakfast."Coffee and a croissant", a moment later her breakfast appeared before her. She forced herself to eat the croissant. Although she was no longer nauseous, the thought of eating so soon after throwing up was not appealing. One more quick check around the room and she was out the door. She had notified the innkeeper that she would be away for a few days, she also told him where she would be, on the infinitesimal chance that Wesley contacted her. Beverly made her way to the base of the mountain before ten. *Well, not exactly first light but it was a start. * --- Jean Luc awoke to the smell of fresh coffee brewing in the kitchen. After a shower and a clean pair of clothes he headed down the hall where Marie waited, cup in hand. "Jean Luc, we need to talk." He sighed "Marie, there is nothing left to talk about." Jean Luc hoped she would let it go, he was not in the mood to discuss Beverly Crusher. His dreams were of her last night, thoughts of her still filled his mind. Marie saw that it was not the time to push her brother in law and decided forgo any further questions...for now. Breakfast was uncomfortable to say the least; the silence between the two was almost unnerving. Jean Luc cleared the dishes, turned and walked out of the house to the back porch where he sat for several hours in silence, secretly hoping to she her come out of her guest house. After the fourth hour had passed, Marie could take no more. "Jean Luc, tell me why she left" Tell her? How could he tell her when he didn't know the reason himself? At that moment, Jean Luc made up his mind to confront Beverly today. He needed to know why. Most of all he needed to tell her that he was still in love with her. He got up and without a word or even a glance in Marie's direction, started toward Beverly's cottage. ---* Beverly stopped to rest at a small stream, she filled her water canisters and sat down on a boulder to relax. . Before she moved on she decided that she should eat something, just to keep up her energy. As Beverly reached for her backpack, she noticed that her knee was bleeding from the fall she took earlier in the day. *Dammit Beverly, what the hell were you thinking, wearing shorts to climb a mountain?* She angrily thought to herself, even though she knew she had purposely picked shorts due to the hot weather. Allegra Island was located on one of the few remaining planets in the Alpha quadrant that didn't use any sort of atmospheric control system. She was reminded of this as the rain began to fall lightly on her face. "Just great! First shorts now rain! What the hell could be next?" She didn't have to wait long for her answer. She was hit over the head and knocked unconscious. --- Jean Luc had knocked on Beverly's door and waited for five minutes for her to answer. When no answer came, he got worried. He reached for the door handle and was surprised when the door opened as he turned the knob. *Oh God, Oh God Please let her be all right* Jean Luc entered the cottage and began his methodical search of all the rooms, all the while calling for Beverly. By the time he reached the final room, he realized she was not there and there had been nothing to suggest any foul play He also noted that although most of her things were still in the cabin, a few necessities were missing from the bathroom. Jean Luc left the cottage and headed for the innkeeper's office. *If she went on an excursion she would have told someone. * --- Beverly woke briefly, only to realize she was being dragged by her arms. She felt her legs being cut and bruised by the small rocks and twigs. She struggled to free herself from the grasp of the person who held her, only to cause herself more pain as her captor tightened his grip on her forearms. She tried to look at her captor but because of the way he held her she couldn't turn her head. The pain from her arms being stretched and the cuts on her legs reached her already throbbing head and she passed out again. --- Jean Luc entered the office and headed straight for the man sitting behind the desk. "I am looking for one of your guests, her name is Beverly Crusher, have you seen her?" "Who are you?" Was the wary response he got in return. "I am Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise. Have you seen Beverly Crusher?" "She left here about ten, went away for a few days." Jean Luc's patience was wearing extremely thin. " Where did she go damn it!?" "Captain, there is no need to get upset, she will be back in a few days." "I don't care when she will be back, I asked you where the hell she went!" The innkeeper realized that this was a man on a mission and against his better judgment told him about Beverly's plans to climb the great peak. Jean Luc was taken back at the thought of Beverly alone on a mountaintop. What if she were to get hurt? She would have no way to contact anyone for help. Picard set off in a sprint back to his quarters to try to contact someone that could get him to Beverly's location. --- In Beverly's subconscious she was aware that she was no longer being dragged, she was laying on something soft, her eyes fluttered open to survey her surroundings. *Fireplace...Table...Couch...Door.DOOR! I must get to the door, I've got to get out of here.* Climbing off the bed she was carelessly thrown on, she sprinted across the room towards the door. She was almost there when a man grabbed her by the hair and threw her to floor. She hit her head on the corner of the brick fireplace and blood now trickled down her cheek. "Just where do you think you're going!" the man's voice bellowed. "Why have you brought me here?" Beverly whispered before she lost consciousness again. --- Jean Luc was getting his belongings in order when his communicator chirped, "Picard here". "Riker here sir, we just arrived back in orbit and are ready to transport you and Marie. Standing by for your orders." Jean Luc just got the help he needed, there was no way he was going to find Beverly alone, after all it was a huge mountain, "Number one, transport Marie up now but I will be remaining for a while longer." Riker didn't understand, "Sir?" Jean Luc had a feeling in his gut that something was terribly wrong with Beverly he had to take action now if he was going to help her. "I don't have time to explain, just beam Marie up now. One more thing Will, scan the mountain for human life signs and beam up whatever you find." "Sir, we can scan the mountain but the unique mineral deposits found in the mountain will prevent transport of anything or anyone. We will be able to track a person and read who it is but, I am sorry sir, we cannot transport. If I may ask Captain, Who's life signs are we looking for? It will help narrow the search parameters." Will's curiosity was piqued. Jean Luc replied with only two words "Beverly Crusher." Everyone on the bridge turned toward Riker. Will simply responded "Aye Sir." --- Only a few moments had past before Beverly awoke again. This time when she opened her eyes and tried to move, she found that her wrists were tied to the posts of the bed. She tried to sit up but the ropes were too tight and prevented her movement. Her struggles alerted her abductor to the fact that she was indeed conscious again. The shadowy figure emerged from the corner of the room and Beverly gasped in horror. It was the first time she was face to face with her attacker. He was at least twice her size in mass and was about five inches taller the she was. He had a look in his eyes that frightened Beverly to death; she had never seen such hatred in one mans eyes, but there was something else she saw that scared her more than the hatred. She saw lust, pure unmitigated lust. --- "Number One, try to land the shuttle at coordinates we received from the Enterprise." "I'm afraid I can't sir. The mineral deposits are causing a flux in the engine reactor, the closest we'll be able to get to her location will be the mountain base," Riker reported. "Make it so," Picard said as he moved to the rear of the shuttle to prepare for his departure. "Will, I am sensing something terribly wrong with Beverly but I don't know what it is. She's in danger; we must hurry," Deanna moaned softly. Will nodded in understanding, "Enterprise, this is Commander Riker, please transport a vehicle of some sort that will help us maneuver up the mountain quickly." "This is Commander Data, none of the vehicles we have will work due to the interference with the..." "Data, this is extremely important, I don't care what you beam down just as long as it will get us up the mountain quickly. Time is of the essence." "Sir, the only thing in our inventory is a two wheeled all terrain vehicle, but I must warn you, it has not been tested yet. Also, unfortunately, we only have one of those. Will that be enough?" Riker sighed. "Yes, that will have to do, Data, please beam it down to the coordinates I am sending." "Aye, sir." Riker landed the shuttle at the base of the mountain and the three exited the shuttlecraft quickly. Riker handed a phaser to Captain Picard, "Sir, there was only one ATV onboard, so you will be traveling alone. I will monitor your progress and give you directions to her location from here. Good luck sir." "Captain, I'm sensing that Beverly's in horrible danger, please hurry." Picard nodded in agreement and quickly mounted the ATV and made his way quickly up the mountainside. --- The man did not speak as he approached Beverly. He bent down and tightened the ropes securing her wrists, never taking his eyes off her face. When he was confident she would not be able to escape, he reached for the tear in her blouse and ripped it completely off her body. A barely audible whimper escaped from Beverly's throat and tears had started to trickle down her dirty face. *Oh god, please, NO* her own voice echoed in her head. The man reached for the button on her shorts. The instant the button came undone, she brought her leg up and kneed him in the groin. Her attacker merely sneered as he reached for a handful of her auburn locks, smashing her skull into the headboard adding fresh warm blood to the dried blood from earlier. She wanted to fade into unconsciousness but willed herself to remain awake. As the man pulled Beverly's shorts off her trembling body, she screamed as loud as she could. "NO, NO!" Her attacker slapped her so hard, she could have sworn she saw stars. She managed to shake off the blow to her head and stay conscious, all the while continuing her screams "NO". The man unleashed a series of punches to her mouth and her lower body in attempt to break her spirit. However, Beverly continued to scream. She continued to scream louder still as the man forced himself into her body. She could not believe this was happening to her, all her Starfleet training and Worf's self defense classes did not prepare her for fighting off a rapist. "PLEASE, NO," Beverly cried with every touch he placed on her battered and bruised skin. "Oh god, please help me," she screamed with every thrust into her body. She closed her swollen eyes and cried. Her mind was about to explode from her mental screams when she heard the door burst open. The man suddenly stopped his brutal thrusting into her body and she forced herself to open her eyes. "Jean Luc!!! Please help me!" she cried. Jean Luc spoke in a voice so deep- so low and full of rage "Get off of her!" "You don't belong here, stranger. Go back where you came from and leave us to our fun," the man seethed. Jean Luc charged the man that was hurting his beloved Beverly. He grabbed him by the hair and threw him at the nearest wall. "If a woman screams like that she is not having fun!!! When a woman says no, she means NO!" He moved toward Beverly and began to untie her. Beverly pushed him away, flinching in pain, after one of her wrists was freed from the ropes, untying the remaining knots herself. The man rebounded faster than Jean Luc expected and rushed for him, punching him and knocking him off balance. As Jean Luc back pedaled, trying to catch his footing, the phaser he was carrying fell and skidded to a halt in front of a shaking Beverly. Jean Luc was fighting and losing the battle with the man twice his size. As the mountain man was about to deliver a potentially deadly blow to Jean Luc's head, Beverly picked up the phaser and fired. The phaser was set on maximum and her attacker disintegrated in front of her eyes. She immediately dropped to the floor, shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. She heard a voice calling her name. "Jean Luc?" "Beverly, it's OK. Yes it's me. Everything is going to be all right. You are safe now." Beverly didn't say one word after she heard Jean Luc's voice; she just started sobbing harder. Jean Luc tried to hold her but she just pulled away from him. He HAD to get her back to the Enterprise. She needed medical treatment. She was beaten very badly and was slipping into shock. He couldn't help her up here in the mountains. He wrapped her bruised and naked body in a blanket. With Beverly in his arms he mounted the ATV and headed back down toward the shuttle where Will & Deanna waited. They were half way down the mountain before Beverly spoke. "Jean Luc, Please don't mention any of this to anyone. I don't want anyone to know." "Beverly, what am I supposed to say, Riker and Troi are waiting at the bottom of the mountain, am I just supposed to put you on the shuttle and head back to the Enterprise like nothing happened?" "NOTHING happened Jean Luc, understand, nothing. Please, just this once, do what I ask of you." "Beverly, how am I supposed to explain your injuries? You have extremely bad bruises and possibly a few broken bones!" Jean Luc's concern was not heard, Beverly began to shake violently, she was in shock. He had to get her to the shuttle, he could get her help there. It took all the strength he had to hold onto her and still stay in control of the ATV as she shook. Through the clearing he could see the shuttle, Will and Deanna were waiting outside. "Beverly, we are almost there, just hang on." She didn't hear him, she was unconscious again. Deanna saw them approaching first. " Captain, My god, what happened?" "Not now Counselor, Beverly is in shock, I believe she hit her head more then once, she needs a doctor right away." Deanna opened her mind to the captain's feelings, she was confused at what she felt emanating from him. She felt that the captain was deeply concerned for Beverly, but it was the two other emotions he was feeling that confused her. He felt an enormous amount of guilt and hatred. She couldn't understand what Picard felt guilty about until she opened her mind to the unconscious Beverly. Almost immediately she threw her mental walls back up. The thoughts and feelings raging through Beverly's mind were enough to knock Deanna off balance. As Riker reached out to steady Deanna, he caught a glimpse at her face and saw the tears welling up in her eyes. "Deanna? What's wrong?" She just shook her head "We have to get back to the Enterprise, Beverly needs help." Will and Deanna climbed into the forward cabin of the shuttle and started the ascent back to the Enterprise. Picard remained in the back of the shuttle cradling the still unconscious Beverly in his arms. --- The ride back to the ship seemed like an eternity. As the shuttle cleared the bay doors, Picard signaled for an emergency transport to sickbay leaving a stunned Riker and Troi standing at the door of the shuttle. As Jean Luc materialized in sickbay with Beverly's bruised and bloody form in his arms, her former staff gathered around all wanting to help treat her. With one pleading look from the captain, all but Dr. Selar and Alyssa left sickbay. Dr. Selar motioned for the captain to leave so she could work on Beverly uninterrupted, his answer was curt and short "I'm staying" "Just stay out of the way Sir" Alyssa and Dr. Selar worked on Beverly for almost 4 hours. The captain had taken up residency in a spare room adjacent to main sickbay. Several hours had passed and he had fallen asleep. It was about four in the morning when. Selar came to wake him with news on Beverly's condition. "Captain Picard? Sir, Dr. Crusher's physical wounds have been mended. She suffered a severe concussion and will remain unconscious for several more hours." The captain nodded his head and asked, " Will she recover?" Dr. Selar told him that Beverly's physical injuries would heal in time. "Dr. Crusher's wrist was severely broken, so badly that our regenerator will not mend the bone. We had to fit her with a cast for a few weeks. Dr. Crusher also has several bruises on her upper arms and legs. They will also heal with time. Curious Captain, Was she alone when you found her?" Jean Luc let out a sigh "No, she was not." "Captain, our examinations show evidence that Dr Crusher was sexually assaulted, we should notify the authorities so they can locate the attacker and place him in a rehabilitation colony." "That won't be necessary Dr. Selar." "Sir?" "He's dead." Selar's reply was simply "Understood Sir." --- "Captains Log, Supplemental. It has been two days since Beverly Crusher regained consciousness. She has been released to her quarters where she has remained withdrawn and secluded. The few times she has left her quarters, she has been in Ten Forward, where, I am told by Guinan, she sits alone by the window. Ships Counselor, Deanna Troi has tried several times to break through the barrier Beverly has built around her mind. I am beginning to think all our efforts are in vain, that we have lost the Beverly Crusher we have come to know and rely on." After a few more moments of quiet reflection, he closed the log. --- Jean Luc was sitting in his ready room brooding over what to do about Beverly Crusher. Earlier that morning she had summoned him for breakfast. He went to see her and she made it clear to him that she wanted off the ship at the next port. "Why?" he asked. "Jean Luc, I can't stand it, the constant sideward glances, the pitiful are you all right questions. What happened to your wrist? How did you get that nasty bruise on your face? I just can't stand it any longer! I am going to go nuts! Why can't every one leave me the hell alone!?" Beverly started to pace her quarters like a caged animal. She was ready to break and Jean Luc knew it. Seeing her like that broke his heart, all he wanted to do was hold her and tell her everything was ok, but every time he took her hand or touched her shoulders she retreated back into the seclusion that he tried so hard to free her from. "Jean Luc, Please just go, I want to be alone." "Beverly, I will not leave you. Let me help you come to terms with what happened. You can talk to me you know that." "There is nothing to discuss Jean Luc, I am disembarking at the next stop we make. I don't want to talk about it, I just wish to go." "Whatever you want Beverly, I can see that your mind is made up and nothing I can say or do will change it." With that said, he turned and left her quarters. As the door shut behind him, he heard the sound of glass breaking against the door. *That woman has become all to fond of throwing things.* He said to himself as he recalled how his 'talk' yesterday with her ended. --- Deanna had asked Will to accompany her to Ten-Forward after their shift, they were not surprised to see Beverly sitting alone staring at the stars. "HI Bev" Deanna chirped. " Mind if we join you?" "Yes, I do mind. I came here for a reason and that reason is not to spend time with you two." She never looked away from the window and didn't notice Guinan flag Riker and Troi to the bar. She sighed when she saw their reflections walking away in the window. "Guinan" Deanna said, " How long has she been here tonight?" "About three hours." Guinan replied. "Three hours! What is she drinking? It's obviously not synthahol considering how it reeks on her breath." "No, it's not synthahol. She said she wanted to forget some things so, I gave her something that always makes me forget. She is actually handling it very well. Most people would have either gotten sick or passed out after the third one." Riker's curiosity was perked, "Just what is it and how many has she had?" " It's a few things actually, it's orange juice, something called grenadine and tequila, known in twentieth century earth cultures as a Tequila Sunrise. And Dr. Crusher has had five, Commander." A smile subconsciously spread across Riker's face, he always suspected Beverly could hold her own but five real alcoholic drinks in three hours even beat HIS record. He heard Deanna say something and turned to follow her gaze. His eyes met the Captains. "Good evening Sir." Jean Luc walked right passed him, didn't even acknowledge him, and headed right for Beverly. Just as he arrived at her table she tried to stand. She passed out and fell right into his outstretched arms. He ignored the glances from his crew as he carried a drunken Beverly back to his quarters. --- Beverly awoke face down on the captain's bed. As she tried to sit up she became nauseous, she moaned and put her head back down on the pillow. "Where the hell am I" She didn't realize she had spoken out loud until she heard a response. "You are in my quarters Dr. Crusher." *Who the hell is that* she made sure not to say her thought aloud this time. She began to sit up again, looking for the source of the voice she just heard, "Jean Luc?" "Yes." She sighed, "What am I doing here? How did I get here?" Jean Luc cleared his throat, he was very disturbed by what he witnessed tonight. "You are here because you passed out in Ten-Forward." Beverly's checks started to burn, she was embarrassed. "How did I get here?" "I carried you." Now she felt sick, "You carried me? Why did you bring me here instead of my quarters?" "You were in no condition to care for yourself. I brought you here so I could take care of you." "I can take care of myself, Jean Luc." She spat. "I know that, Beverly, " he sighed. "I was worried that in your state of inebriation, if you were to be injured or sick, that you might cause further harm to yourself." Realizing that he did have a point, and her head spinning far too much to argue any longer, she whispered, "Whatever." "Good, now that that is settled, drink this" he said, placing a cup of black coffee in her hands. "I replicated some clothing and toiletries for you, they are in the bathroom. When you finish the coffee, I suggest you get cleaned up and ready to go." "Go where?" she mumbled. "You said you wanted off this ship so we are leaving in an hour." He said with confidence. "Why? Why you too?" "Because, Beverly, you need a friend right now. I will not leave you to deal with this alone." "And you just assumed that I would leave with you?" "Well, yes, I guess I did. My counselor informed me that I am technically still on shore leave, so I decided to accompany you." "I don't need a baby sitter, Jean Luc," she said angrily. "I am not going along as your babysitter. You shall have all the solitude you desire and, if you need to talk, I will be there for you." Being aware of the fact that if she did not go with him now, he would most likely find her wherever she went and insist on shadowing her, she relented. "Fine, but please, just leave me alone." "As you wish" he said with much relief. "As 'I' wish? What I wish is for everyone to stop looking at me with the sorrow filled eyes! What I wish is for everyone to stop pitying me and leave me the hell alone!" she shouted as she stalked toward the bathroom. --- Will and Deanna greeted them in the transporter room. Will was discussing some last minute details regarding the ship while Deanna spoke softly to Beverly. "When you are ready to talk, I will be here for you, all you have to do is say the word." "I know that Deanna, and I appreciate it. But I think it would be best if everyone just forgot about it, that's what I intend to do." She said, while climbing onto the transporter platform. They re-materialized a moment later outside his family home in France. Beverly looked over at Jean Luc "Why have you brought me here?" Jean Luc sighed, "Well, Earth was our next stop and since I have some family matters to tend to, and the house is empty right now, I thought this would be a good place for you to rest." "So I guess I don't have a choice in the matter. You are going to hold me here against my will?" "No, Beverly, you are free to leave whenever you want. You are not under house arrest. I just thought we could spend some time together, like we used to." Jean Luc was praying inside that she would not turn and leave. Beverly looked down to her feet and whispered, "A lot of things have happened in the last several months. Things can never be the way they used to be." Beverly turned around, picked up her bag and walked toward the house. *Well, at least she is not leaving.* he thought to himself. --- The sun hung low in the reddened sky when Jean-Luc next glanced up. He had been reading a book in the study for the last two hours, distractedly flipping the pages as he listened to Beverly move about the living room. The hour was late now, and Jean-Luc's rumbling tummy dictated it was time for dinner. Slowly, he got up and headed into the kitchen, preparing a meal fit for royalty in both taste and preparation. Then, after setting the table and putting the platters out, he turned back to the living room to retrieve Beverly. He found her stretched out on the sofa, lying carefully against the soft cushions, an antique throw draped delicately around her. She was staring bleary-eyed into the fire, watching it pop, crackle, and leap, and he wondered what she was thinking about, But it didn't really matter right now, she hadn't eaten in what must have been days, and he wasn't about to watch her waste away any longer. "I've made dinner." She didn't make a move, only continued staring. "It's very good, Beverly, nutritious. I promise you'll like it." Again, she was silent, but her hand unconsciously slipped to her abdomen. "You're hungry, Beverly. You haven't eaten in days. I won't let you waste away. I refuse to watch." Beverly thought it over for a while, an action obvious by the creases of concentration on her brow. Then, slowly, she got up, steadying herself, and walked carefully to the table. Jean-Luc couldn't help but smile. --- Dinner passed quietly, but it was comfortable. She devoured her food to his utter relief, but, then, abruptly stopped. "Beverly? What's wrong?" She stared at the plate a moment, then at him, fear washing over her features like wildfire over a forest on a windy day. He got up, slowly walking around the table, coming closer, hoping she would respond to a friendly gesture. But when she saw his outstretched arms, her mind reacted in base terror. She recoiled, falling awkwardly out of her seat, and backpedaled toward the stairs. Then, she got up and ran to her room. Jean-Luc lost sight of her, knowing where she was only by the large BANG that accompanied the slamming door. He cleaned quickly, efficiently, brilliantly, just as he did everything else in his life. He would not pursue Beverly as she fled in fright. It was the attack that caused it.... that...hideous event. He tried not to think about what might have happened had he not found her, but now, with nothing to occupy his mind, he wondered.... if he had been there five minutes later or even five minutes sooner. "Where would we be now." It was an old saying, but he found that it applied so well. He finished cleaning up, and then went to bed. --- Somewhere around two in the morning Jean Luc was awakened by screams. He bolted upright out of bed and ran to Beverly's room. He was slightly relived to see that she was in no physical harm, however he became more concerned for her emotional well being when he saw that Beverly was thrashing and screaming in her sleep. She was having a horrible nightmare. Jean Luc went to her bed, sat down on the edge and gently tried to bring her out of the nightmare. Beverly" he whispered, "Beverly, please wake up, come on, wake up." She was slowly was coming out of it, tentatively she opened her eyes, not sure what kind of hell she was waking to. "Jean Luc, what the hell are you doing in my room, on my bed!?" "I heard you screaming, I was worried." Panic receding and embarrassment of waking him with her screams setting in, Beverly turned to her side, her back facing him, "As you can see, I am fine, I don't need you hovering over me every two minutes." He wasn't buying it, "You are shaking, you are not all right." He edged a little closer to her and tried to place a comforting hand on her back. As soon as his fingers touched her shoulder, she jumped and moved a little further away. "Please go away, leave me alone." He sighed, turned and walked downstairs to the study. He would not sleep tonight. --- The ritual of Jean Luc rushing to Beverly's bedside every night to comfort her after the nightmares only to be pushed away went on for several nights. One night, almost a week after the first nightmare, her screaming again awakened him. As was becoming ritual, he got up and walked quietly to her room. She was there, screaming in her sleep, thrashing about her bed violently. He sat beside her, trying to stop her kicking, hoping it would all end soon. To his utter relief, she finally awoke, and then to his absolute horror, the nightmare didn't stop. Her breathing became strangled; air passing through her lips as weak whistles. Her eyes were wide with shock and fear, searching for something... anything to relieve the overwhelming burning in her chest. Jean-Luc did the only thing he could, he grabbed her and held her tightly. She had to snap out of it, she had to...because, for the first time in his life, Captain Jean-Luc Picard didn't know what to do. She struggled against his grasp, instinctively shying away from touch, from feeling, knowing that touch was pain, and there was so much pain.. too much pain. She wormed in his arms, gasping for breath, feeling like screaming, but unable to. She turned her head as her body shifted in his arms, and she was met with his stare. It wasn't cold or calculating, it wasn't menacing. It wasn't even lustful. It was kind, caring, warm...such a warm color and look...he was as afraid as she was--over what, her mind was too far gone to tell. All she knew was that this was a friend. Her lungs relaxed as tears welled up in her eyes. She could breathe again, but now, all that would come were sobs. They racked her body like tsunami waves, hitting with full force and receding only long enough to back build and hit again. Raw, painful emotion poured through her as she tried to over come the pain. Jean-Luc sat on the edge of the bed, cradling her sobbing, trembling form as tears were squeezed out of her. He stroked her hair tenderly, whispering her name softly as she cried long into the night. When she finally fell asleep, he stayed with her, caressing her softly. There was a glimmer of hope now...maybe, just maybe, he could help. --- Jean Luc awoke before Beverly and went downstairs to fix breakfast. *Something simple* he thought. "Coffee and croissants." He went about making the coffee and even took the time to make the croissants from scratch. As he was walking out of the kitchen he looked outside the window and noticed the roses were blooming. He placed the tray back on the table and went outside. One rose was fully blossoming, it was such a beautiful color of red, the same red as Beverly's hair. He snipped the rose, went back into the house and placed the bud on the tray. He walked carefully up the stairs, pushing the door away slowly as he walked into her room. He froze for a moment, watching her in the early morning sun. She was as beautiful as she had ever been...but the scars, albeit visible only to him, were there for a lifetime now. He didn't know this battered woman, but he was going to try. "Beverly .. . . wake up. Beverly?" She stirred reluctantly, obviously exhausted. Her eyes were red-rimmed from crying the night before, and she sniffled slightly from the resulting runny nose. She looked up at him wordlessly as he approached the bed. "Beverly, I think we need to talk." She didn't say anything just shook her head. "It will help if you talk about it..." "Jean Luc, I appreciate your concern, but really, I don't want to talk about it, and if ever there comes a time that I do, I know where to find you." She said tersely. Neither spoke another word for the remainder of breakfast. They ate in silence, but it was a comfortable silence. It reminded Jean Luc of the mornings back on the Enterprise, sharing breakfast and simply enjoying each others company. No words were needed. --- The mid day sun was shinning bright in the sky over the French countryside. It was approaching lunchtime and Jean Luc set out to find Beverly. He hadn't seen her since breakfast. He assumed she was hidden away in her room, not wanting the companionship he was so willing to give her. Jean Luc knocked on her door, no answer. He knocked a bit harder this time and as his fist hit the wood of the door, the door opened just enough for him to glimpse inside. To his surprise, she was not in there. It now became his quest to find where she had gone off. He checked the remaining rooms on the second floor and did not find her. The study was the next place Jean Luc went in search of her. She wasn't there either. He methodically searched every room in the huge old house and Beverly was nowhere to be found. Fear struck in the mind and heart of Jean Luc Picard. He had to find her, she was so upset last night and so distant this morning, he was terribly worried about her. He bolted out the back door and headed for the stables. He was half way to the stable when he saw something across the meadow. He strained to see if it was her. Beverly was sitting underneath the tree Jean Luc climbed as a child with her knees tightly tucked under her chin. A small smile crossed his lips and he started off in her direction. She looked like an angel sitting there, her auburn hair flowing behind her from the gentle breeze, her head titled slightly, as if she were in deep thought. As he approached, his smile faded. Beverly wasn't just enjoying the scenery like he had hoped, she looked so fragile, so weak. As he moved slowly closer to her, he could see her tear stained checks and her slender body trembling. He sat down in the grass next to her and gently touched her arm. She jumped at his touch but did not look at him. "Beverly, what wrong?" She still would not look at him, "I don't know Jean Luc. I can't stop shaking." He reached out to hold her; she pushed him away and stood up. He stood with her, "Talk to me Beverly. Let me help you." She sank to her knees and started to sob uncontrollably. "Why did this happen to me!? What was I thinking, going off by myself on a strange planet, I should have known better. This is all my fault! How could I have been so stupid!" Jean Luc was shocked "Beverly, what happened to you was NOT your fault. You did nothing wrong." "I should have fought harder, I should have been strong enough to make him stop!" She couldn't breath, she was crying in big heaving sobs. "I said NO! Why didn't he stop."? He knelt down beside her and grabbed her by the shoulders, " Beverly, It was not your fault!" She leaned into his embrace and whispered, "I said no, I said no." He held her for what seemed like forever while she just sobbed and repeated, "I said no." When Beverly finished crying, Jean Luc cupped her chin and gently wiped her tear stained face, "Come on Love, let's go back to the house." He extended his hand to help her up and they walked back to the house neither letting go of the other's hand. --- By the time Jean Luc and Beverly reached the house it was way past lunchtime Their eyes met and at the same time they both said, "I'm starved." They prepared dinner together and ate in companionable silence. Beverly cleared the dishes while Jean Luc opened a bottle of the Picard 47. They sat down close to each other on the floor in front of the burning fire. Beverly rested her head on Jean Luc's shoulder. "Thank You" she whispered. "For what?" Beverly sighed, "For today, for everything really, especially for not giving up on me." Jean Luc swore he saw her cheeks blush with her last comment. "Beverly, I have never given up on you." Now he was positive, she was blushing, he half expected her to turn away but instead she was moving closer, her nose was touching his, Jean Luc's artificial heart was racing as their lips met in a tentative kiss. Beverly's arms snaked around his neck and he reached for her hands, pulling them away. "Jean Luc, what's wrong?" she was confused, she thought he wanted this. "Beverly, We can't do this. . . not now." He sighed, he waited for this moment for so long, the moment Beverly finally gave in to her feelings for him, finally made the first move, but it seemed wrong for some reason. He felt like he would be taking advantage of her in her most vulnerable time, he knew she wasn't ready to take this step. "Jean Luc, I don't." something in her mind clicked, " Does this have anything to do with that woman I saw you with on Allegra?" Jean Luc almost chuckled, could she actually think he and Marie were involved? "Marie is my sister in law, she was Robert's wife." Relief washed over Beverly's face, "Then, I don't understand. I thought this is what you wanted." "Beverly, there is nothing I want more, but this just isn't the right time." Now it was Beverly's turn to sigh, "Right time? What are you talking about, here we are, the two of us, alone, in front of a beautiful fire, you want me, what could be more right?" Yes he wanted her, gods, did he want her, "You could want me too." The realization that he was right was plainly visible on her face as she turned her head, tears were starting to form in her already swollen eyes, "Jean Luc.I " She couldn't finish her thought, her mind was racing, she did want him, but not like this, not because she just needed to feel safe, needed to be loved. If she made love to Jean Luc tonight, it would have no meaning. Jean Luc stood, "It's been a very long and tiring day, you should get some rest Beverly." "What about you, aren't you tired?" He was exhausted but he would not be able to sleep again tonight, his mind was filled with thoughts of her. Thoughts of the way her hair smelled like a fresh bouquet of roses, the way her eyes shined bluer then the seas, and how her lips felt rose petal soft as they gently touched his. " I have some things I need to tend to before I go to bed." He helped her to her feet and tenderly kissed her cheek, "Goodnight Beverly." She gave a half smile and retired to her room. ---* The clock on the wall in the study chimed two am and Jean Luc slowly closed the pages of Shakespeare's 'King Lear'. He couldn't concentrate; his mind was constantly wandering to the beautiful woman sleeping upstairs. He closed his eyes and let the memory of her lips on his wash over him. He was almost asleep when he heard Beverly's anguished cries for help. Jean Luc opened his eyes and headed for her room. She was having the nightmare again. Jean Luc lay down beside her, wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, whispering that she was safe, nothing could hurt her here. Beverly didn't wake up, she turned into his embrace and buried her face into his chest. He held her until she stopped shaking, as he rose to leave her room, she awoke, "Jean Luc, please don't go." "Beverly, you need rest, we can talk in the morning." "Please Just hold me." He stretched out beside her on the bed and pressed his chest to her back. She nuzzled closer as he placed his arm around her waist. "I'm sorry about earlier Jean Luc." His grip on her tightened a little, letting her know that he understood, "Sleep, Beverly, you need it." --- The morning sun was bright this time of year in France and Jean Luc began to stir when the first ray beamed in through the window. He felt something on his chest and glanced down to see Beverly sleeping peacefully. Her red hair was fanned out over his chest, her arms wrapped tightly around his body, her legs were intertwined with his in a way that should have been uncomfortable, but felt perfectly natural, like this is the way they were meant to be. Jean Luc began to stroke Beverly's hair softly, he had no intention of waking her, he was content to indulge himself in holding her, if only for a short while. He was a little embarrassed when he realized she was also awake. Their eyes met and she whispered "Good Morning." He went to get out of bed but her arms held him closer, so close that he couldn't get up. "Please don't go, not yet." He shrugged to himself and embraced her. He wished he could wake up with her holding him every morning. Within moments, she was asleep again, she was physically exhausted. It was almost noon when Beverly awoke again to find herself still wrapped tightly in Jean Luc's arms. She smiled sleepily at him and whispered, "If only I could tell you how I feel." She thought he was still asleep and her cheeks burned from embarrassment when he opened his eyes and smiled at her. She playfully smacked him and said, "I thought you were sleeping." He laughed She decided now was a good time to get out of bed, "I'm hungry Jean Luc, what's for lunch?" He sighed, "Well, I thought maybe we would go into town for lunch, you have been here over a week and have only been out of the house once or twice. I want to give you a tour of some of the villages here, they are quite beautiful this time of year. There are many festivals going on to bring in the fall season." A smile crossed her lips, "Sounds wonderful." She held up her hand, "I'm going to get rid of this cast and I'll meet you downstairs in twenty minutes." --- Forty-five minutes later Beverly bounced down the stairs castless, wearing Jean Luc's favorite outfit, black leggings and a blue sweater that fell off her shoulders. Her hair was flowing freely behind her in a mass of soft waves. Once again Jean Luc Picard was awestruck by this woman's beauty. She smiled, "Jean Luc, is something wrong?" His jaw had dropped when he first saw her and he had yet to say anything. "Ahem N..No , nothing is wrong. Why do you ask?" Beverly was laughing now, "Because your mouth is hanging open and you are staring at me.!" He closed his mouth, grabbed her hand and said, "Shall we go?" --- Once again Jean Luc was right, the small village was bustling with people, all celebrating the start of the fall season. They ate lunch at a small café on the outskirts of town. Beverly laughed at the stories Jean Luc told of his academy days, and he at her stories of medical school. It was a side of each other they rarely let show. Out of the corner of his eye, Jean Luc saw the familiar blue shimmer of a transporter and the forms of Commander Riker and Counselor Troi materializing. In his mind he was thanking every god he could think of that they beamed down behind Beverly. "Excuse me Beverly, I have something I need to deal with, I won't be but a moment." She nodded her head in understanding as he rose from the table as Will and Deanna were approaching. He managed to pull them out of Beverly's line of sight before she saw them. "Number One, is there a problem?" Deanna sensed the feelings coming from the captain and spoke before Will could respond, "Captain, there is no problem, Starfleet decided they want to run some tests on the Enterprise to see how the ship is holding up after the last overhaul. The crew was granted shore leave for a few days." She gave Will a small smile and he heard her thoughts in his mind *Things are going very well. . . too well* Riker understood the meaning behind her thoughts and couldn't resist teasing his captain, "Sir, how are things progressing with Dr. Crusher?" The smile on Will's face was wider then the Grand Canyon. Deanna could tell Picard understood exactly what Riker was attempting do and he had succeeded. Jean Luc's ears turned bright red from the insinuations his first officer was making, "Things are progressing commander, we. . . Beverly is making some progress in her healing. However, I do not think she is ready to face her friends and comrades yet. So, if you and the counselor are going to remain here and see the sites, I ask you please, do not approach Beverly. This is the first time we have been out of the house since we arrived and I " Deanna interrupted his sentence and asked Will to leave her alone with the Captain for a few moments. "Captain, may I speak freely?" "Of course Counselor." Deanna sighed, this wasn't going to be easy, "Captain, I understand how important it is for Beverly to come to terms with what happened to her, I just want you to realize that although she may act like she is perfectly fine, she still has fears and emotions that she has not yet faced." "Counselor, I disagree, in the past few days Beverly has made progress, the nightmares haven't stopped but she now understands that what happened to her was not her fault." Deanna shook her head, "Sir, she may be hiding her fears behind her feelings for you. If you were to pursue any kind of physical relationship with Beverly she may react as if she were being threatened again." "Deanna, Beverly knows I would never hurt her." "Captain, I just want you to understand that Beverly will have to live with what happened to her for a very long time, perhaps the rest of her life. Being raped is not something you forget in a few weeks, it takes time. The feelings of guilt, loss of control, they will be with her always. Just be cautious, Sir." Jean Luc understood what Deanna was trying to say and thanked her for her concern and walked back to the table where Beverly waited. --- "Beverly, lets go for a walk." He helped her up and took her hand as they walked away from the café. "Jean Luc, where are we going?" "The streets are getting crowded, I thought maybe a nice stroll through the park would be nice. There is a little stream that flows through it and the view of the French mountainside is breathtaking." He felt her tense at the mention of mountains and put his arm around her "I will be right here, nothing will hurt you, I won't let it." She smiled and leaned into him, "My protector" she whispered. Beverly grew more and more distant as they walked closer to the park. "Jean Luc" she whispered "I I can't" Jean Luc didn't hear the fear in her voice "Sure you can Beverly, we are almost there." Beverly shook her head and said "NO" her voice raised just a little higher then before " I don't want to go!" She was crying now, emotions she thought were gone were starting to resurface as the mountainside came into view. Jean Luc put his arm around her and realized she was trembling. "It's all right Beverly, I'm sorry. I should have realized you weren't ready for this." Through her sobs she whispered "Take me home." --- Neither spoke the entire way back to the Picard Estate. Beverly quickly exited the craft and was in the house before Jean Luc had the engines off. As he entered the house he heard something crash to the floor upstairs. He sprinted up to Beverly's room and found her sitting on the floor, knees under her chin, slowly rocking back and forth surrounded by various broken glass and ceramic pieces. "Beverly" She looked up at him with tears in her eyes, "I'm sorry." Jean Luc sighed, "Beverly, you have nothing to be sorry for. I am the one who should be apologizing to you. I didn't mean to upset you. When I suggested we go to the park, I wasn't thinking." He walked over to her and started to pick up the pieces of glass. Beverly chuckled softly "Kind of ironic isn't it Jean Luc." He looked up at her sad swollen eyes, unsure of what she meant "What do you mean?" he asked. She smiled- albeit a small smile "Well, there you go again. Picking up the shattered pieces of my life." --- Beverly sat in front of the fireplace while Jean Luc prepared dinner in the kitchen. Instead of calling her into the dinning room when the meal was completed, he brought dinner to her. Neither really ate. Their minds were racing with scattered minutia. Beverly cleared away the dishes and sat back down on the floor next to Jean Luc. She rested her head on his shoulder. Her heart felt so heavy as she thought *How can I tell him how I feel? I love him so much but will he ever love 'me' again? Will he ever touch me without feeling guilty?* She sighed and nuzzled a little closer to him. Jean Luc felt Beverly trying to get closer to him. He put his arm around her to let her get as close as she wanted. So many thoughts and feelings were running through his head *Will she ever really love me? Will she ever let me love her? Why did she leave the Enterprise? Why did she leave me?* He had to know the answers. He needed to know. "Beverly Why did you leave?" She knew what he was asking but pretended not to, "What do you mean Jean Luc?" He moved his arm off her and stood. "I need to know why you left the ship. Why you left me. I think I deserve an explanation." She sighed as new tears started to form. "I was afraid." His voice grew to a whisper. "Afraid of what Beverly?" She stood and walked toward the bay window. "I was afraid of my feelings" He tried to interrupt her "Beverly, what are" "Jean Luc. . . Let me finish." Beverly started to pace the floor. She had no choice, she had to tell him how she felt-how she feels. She started slowly - from the beginning. "When Jack first introduced me to you, I knew you were not like any other man I had ever met. You were so confident and so full of your self. I couldn't understand what Jack saw in you. But as time went on and the three of us began spending more time together, I realized you were so much more than a stuck up captain. You were a kind and caring man. I felt my feelings toward you changing. I no longer saw you as Jack's Captain, I saw you as my friend. I also felt myself falling in love with you." She paused momentarily in her pacing and turned to face him. When their eyes met, she felt that familiar feeling returning. She turned away again. If she continued to look at him she wouldn't be able to finish telling him how she felt. Beverly took a deep breath. "My heart was urging me to tell you how I felt but my head wouldn't let me hurt Jack. I decided that the feelings would just go away if I didn't have to see you. And they did for a while. When Jack told me you were going to be his best man at our wedding, I felt so guilty. My heart leapt because I was going to see you again, but I knew it was wrong to have these feelings for the friend of my future husband." Jean Luc was stunned into silence. He always knew there was an attraction between Beverly and himself, but he had no idea she felt so strongly. Beverly, on the other hand, felt as if a weight was slowing being lifted from her soul. The words were coming easily now. She had wanted to tell him all this that night in his quarters after their abduction on Kespryt but her fears made her walk away. She sighed and continued her story. "When you brought Jack's body home to me after he died, I convinced myself that he died because someone was trying to punish me for being in love with two men. I vowed to myself that I would never give into the feelings I had have for you because you would be ripped from my heart too." Tears were starting to form in Beverly's brilliant blue eyes. Jean Luc finally spoke. "Beverly, what happened to Jack was not your fault, it wasn't anyone's fault. It was an accident." Beverly wiped at the tears. "I know that in my head but my heart is still afraid to love you." "Why didn't you tell me this that night in my quarters when I asked you to explore our feelings?" Her tears were flowing more freely as she spoke. "Don't you see Jean Luc? Everything and everyone I have ever loved has been cursed with Jacks fate. To this day whoever I give my love to ends up dead or hurt.. First Jack, then Walker, Nana, Ronin Even you. The Cardassian's tortured you because you were trying to protect me, and don't forget the Borg.." "Beverly, this is ludicrous. Jack's death was NOT your fault. Neither was Walker's. Your grandmother died a natural death and as for Ronin. . . You did what you had to do to save your life and the lives of your fellow officers." In her head, she knew he was right, but her heart was still terrified that if she stopped denying her love for him and gave into the feelings- he would leave her just like all the others. She also knew that if she kept pushing him away she would surly lose him forever. Her mind finally won the battle with her heart. It was time to tell him how she feels. --- "Jean Luc, there is something I've been meaning to tell you" The words were caught in her throat. "My life has changed so much since we first met. People have come and gone, but through it all, there has been one constant, You. You were the glue that kept me together after Jack died. You were there for me when Wes left for the academy. When Nana died. . . and Ronin You never left my side. You've stood behind me when I needed support. Stood in front of me when I needed protection and stood by my side when I needed a friend. For all these things and more, I thank you. You are my best friend." She took a deep breath. "I love you Jean Luc." Jean Luc was standing in front of Beverly with the biggest, silliest grin on his face. She finally said it. Finally admitted to herself and to him that she loves him. After a few moments, he realized he still hadn't said anything. He reached for her hands and pulled her to him. Wrapping his arms around her, he whispered "And I love you, Beverly." She pulled back to look in his eyes. Her face moved closer to his and their lips touched in a tentative first kiss. She felt him smile as their lips parted and they explored the warmth of each other's mouths. She folded her arms around his neck as her passion for him grew. They stood in the middle of the room, their tongues exploring, for several moments. Jean Luc let his hands wander over Beverly's curvaceous hips, up her arms, down her back and back up to her shoulders. As the palm of his hand grazed her breast, he felt her body change. She was no longer relaxed. He stepped away to look at her. When he looked in her eyes, he saw fear. He suddenly realized she was trembling. She backed away from him with a look of sheer terror in her eyes. "Beverly, what is it? What's wrong?" Her eyes welled with tears. "It's It's too soon. I'm sorry, I'm just not ready to make love yet." He understood. He also realized that it may be a long time before Beverly was ready to take their relationship to the next level. He coaxed her down to the couch and held her until the tremors stopped. He was content just knowing Beverly loved him. She fell asleep on the couch, in his arms. --- They awoke the next morning on the couch, arms still wrapped tightly around each other. Beverly was the first to speak. "I'm starving Jean Luc. What's for breakfast?" Two hours later, with their appetites suppressed and the dishes cleared They ventured outside. They walked the grounds of the Picard estate, arms wrapped snugly around the others waist. Jean Luc gave Beverly the grand tour. They walked through the vineyards and he taught her how to taste the grapes- how to tell when they were ready to be harvested. They toured the gardens and Beverly showed Jean Luc how to tell which herbs had healing powers and which could be used as spices. Their final stop was the stables. Jean Luc suggested they go for a ride. Knowing Beverly hated horses, he offered to sit behind her in the saddle. An offer she gladly took him up on. --- The horse set out on a leisurely pace toward the meadow. Beverly leaned back into Jean Luc's chest. He placed a gentle kiss on her check. They stopped at a small lake and let the horse quench his thirst. Beverly turned her head toward Jean Luc's and with a gleam in her eye said, "Lets go swimming." "Beverly, you can't be serious. That water has to be freezing." "Come on Jean Luc. Where's your sense of adventure?" She climbed down off the horse and rather ungracefully fell on her backside. She muttered a curse under her breath as Jean Luc laughed. He stopped laughing when he noticed that Beverly kicked off her shoes and was unbuttoning her pants. He could only stare at her as she stripped herself of everything but her lace camisole. She looked up at him. Hands firmly on her hips. "Well, what are you waiting for?" Then she turned and dove head first into the water. Jean Luc had two choices. He could stay mounted on the horse and put up with Beverly's teasing him later, or he could join her in the water. He had his shirt off before he dismounted the horse and was in the water before Beverly even resurfaced. They swam for a while, both enjoying the feel of the water on their skin. Beverly made her way over to Jean Luc and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Have I told you today how much I love you?" "No, I don't believe you have." "Well, in that case I love you, Jean Luc Picard." She wound her legs around his waist, letting him support her in the water. Her face moved closer to his. They kissed, slow and lingering at first. As their kisses grew more passionate, the water didn't seem quit so cold. Jean Luc's hands once again set out on the journey of exploring Beverly's body. He took his time, not wanting to rush her. He let his hand rest lightly on her breast. When he felt her sigh, he squeezed her nipple between his fingers. When she released her legs from his waist, he thought he pushed her too far to fast. He realized he was wrong when she grabbed his hand and led him back to shore. --- On the soft grass of the lakeside, the exploration continued. Hands wandering over each other, lips nibbling and gently biting. Their mutual exploration quickly turned to a heavy petting session and he almost lost control when he felt her fingers - cool from the water - wrap around his manhood. He reached for her hand and moved it away. "Jean Luc, what's wrong?" "I don't want you to do something you aren't ready for because you think its what I want. I've waited over twenty years for this and I will wait another twenty if I have to." She smiled a smile that could melt an iceberg and whispered, "Thank you." "And besides, the first time we make love is not going to be on cold wet grass with a horse slobbering over us." She laughed as he pulled her to her feet. They dressed and mounted the horse. --- The sun was setting by the time they arrived back at the house. Neither noticed Will and Deanna sitting in the study as they walked through the house to the kitchen. Jean Luc was trying to fix dinner, but Beverly had other plans at the moment. . She loved the feel of his lips on her neck, his hands on her body. It had only been a few minutes but she just had to feel him again. She succeeded in getting his attention after several "accidental" brushes against his body. He backed her up against the refrigerator and kissed her, his tongue diving deep into her mouth. She lifted one leg up over his hip and he held her against him. His other hand caressed her breasts. It was at that moment that Will and Deanna decided to enter the kitchen. Deanna gasped at the two would be lovers, shocked at the scene before her. Will, on the other hand smiled broadly at the sight of his Captain finally putting the moves on the Doctor. They stood in the doorway still un-noticed by the amorous couple. When Jean Luc reached to pull Beverly's shirt up, Deanna decided to make their presence known. She cleared her throat. "Beverly, I am glad to see you are feeling better." Beside her, Will whispered, "Maybe we should ask the Captain how she feels." Jean Luc was so startled; he almost dropped Beverly unceremoniously on onto the floor. He was also annoyed by the intrusion. "Number One, what are you doing here?" Will was about to make a smart comment but Deanna elbowed him in the ribs. She hit him a little too hard and Will lost his breath. Deanna had to answer the Captains question. "Sir, The Enterprise is almost ready to depart Earth. The overhaul and the tests will be completed tomorrow. Departure is scheduled for 1400 hours." Jean Luc was still annoyed. He couldn't understand why the two of them had to come to personally inform him when they could have used the comm system. Deanna could read him like a book. "Captain, we tried several times to send a communiqué, but our hails went unanswered." Beverly harrumphed. "Well as long as you are here, why don't you stay for dinner?" Jean Luc sighed, "Yes, please join us." --- Dinner passed with casual conversation. Every once in a while Jean Luc and Beverly exchanged a glance or a brush of the hand Deanna looked up in surprise when she realized the passionate emotions she was feeling were not coming from the Captain, but from Beverly She looked up and met Beverly's eyes. Deanna's face reddened at the thoughts and feelings emanating from her friend. Beverly saw her blush and smiled. "Captain, What time shall we expect you back on board tomorrow?" Will asked. "I have some things to get in order here Number One, I will report in before the ship disembarks. I trust everything is in working order?" "As you left it, Sir." Riker replied with confidence. Beverly, tears welling in her eyes, turned to face the Captain. "Jean Luc," she whispered. Noticing her tears forming he took her hand, "What is it, what's wrong?" Deanna, sensing Crushers emotions spiraling downward, gave Will a meaningful look and said, "Come on Will, lets go take care of the dishes" Still holding her hands, Jean Luc moved to kneel beside Beverly, "Talk to me, what is it?" Trembling, she whispered, "You're leaving... you're leaving me alone." Tugging on her hands, he pulled her into his warm embrace, "I will not leave you behind." "But I can not return to the ship, I resigned my post I can't do this without you, Jean Luc, I need you." She embraced him tighter and wept into his shoulder. "I will speak to Admiral Westlake, we will work something out, and get you reinstated as CMO." "I. . . I'm not ready to take that step yet. I just know that I can not cope with all of this alone." "I promise you, Beverly, I will not leave unless you are by my side. I will figure it out, love, trust me." --- A few hours later, true to his word, Jean Luc had the matter settled. Beverly would return to the Enterprise with him. The position of CMO was hers when she was ready to resume the duties. Doctor Selar, anxious for the chance to leave the 'paperwork' and reports behind, was happy to hear of Dr Crushers return. Jean Luc, thinking it was time for Beverly to get reacquainted with being around people other than himself, asked Will and Deanna to stay the night at the house with them. Lounging contentedly around the fireplace, the conversation between the four was comfortable and casual. Comfortable until Deanna motioned to Will that she wanted to talk to Beverly alone. "Captain, How about a tour of this beautiful house?" Picard, ever observant, did not miss the glace between his Number One and the Counselor. "Sure Will, I need to stretch these legs anyway." Leaning over Beverly, he softly placed his lips against her cheek and whispered, "It's time to let go of the guilt and the shame. Talk to Deanna, she wants to help you." He felt her nod her head slowly in resignation and then kissed her gently on the lips before moving over to Deanna. "Don't be too rough on her." He said with a small smile. --- As she stared at Jean Luc's retreating form, Beverly began to feel some trepidation. She knew that talking about what happened to her would start the healing process, but she didn't know where or how to start. Deanna, sensing her unease, tried to alleviate some of the tension, "Beverly, I don't bite. I just want to help you come to terms with what happened to you." Beverly sighed, "I'm just not sure what you want me to say Deanna. I don't know how I am supposed to be feeling." "What DO you feel?" "Fear. I am scared to be in a room by myself. Every little creak of this old house, every branch scratching against the windows, makes me flinch." She said quietly, as she tucked her knees under her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs. "What else? It's not just your fear I am sensing, it goes much deeper than that." Beverly rubbed her temples trying to calm herself; she knew this was going to be the really taxing part of the conversation. Releasing a breath she was not aware she was holding, she began speaking in a voice barely audible to Troi, "I should have fought harder, should have been strong enough to make him stop. I was foolish to even go hiking alone on that damn mountain. It's my fault this happened, if I hadn't been so lost in my thoughts, paid more attention what was around me, I could have maybe escaped before he even caught me." "Beverly, you know it was not your fault. You did fight back. That man was much stronger and larger than you. He beat you so badly, he damn near killed you." "Sometimes, I wish he had." She said calmly. You don't really mean that, do you," asked a stunned Deanna. "At times, I do. Well, not within the past few days, but the thought has crossed my mind on occasion." She sighed. "What has changed in the past few days? Beverly raised an eyebrow and smiled sadly, "What do you think changed?" "The Captain? I can sense the calming effect he has on you. After the little 'show' Will & I walked in on this afternoon, would I be assuming correctly that things have changed with him?" "If by 'changed' you mean, have I slept with him, then the answer would be no. But, we have had a few talks on the matter of our fears and feelings." Beverly leaned back in the chair and stared into the flames of the roaring fire, "I love him, Deanna. I always have. I don't think I'd survive this if he wasn't with me." "You know that you can talk to me also. I'm here for you, as a friend and a Counselor." Deanna wanted her to know that she was not alone. Beverly had people around her who loved her and wanted to help. "Don't worry Deanna, I'm sure I'll be in need of your services soon. Right now, though, I am just trying to forget for a while." "Is it working? Are you forgetting?" Beverly closed her eyes in quiet contemplation, "No, it's not. Every time I close my eyes, I smell his breath in my face. I can still feel the ropes around my wrists. I can feel his hands kneading my breasts, grabbing my thighs." Visibly shuddering, she continued, "And I can still feel him entering me, violating me." "You did everything you could Beverly. There is no defense against an attack like that." Deanna needed her to understand that the rape was not her fault. "My control was ripped away along with my self confidence.. I am so unsure of myself right now, not to mention the humiliation and embarrassment. I thought Jean Luc finding me in the throes of orgasmic bliss with Ronin was humiliating, but this, him finding me like that" she left the thought go unsaid as silent tears slipped from her eyes. Deanna, sensing Beverly was getting more and more uncomfortable discussing her feelings about the rape, tried to change direction a little, "What about you and the Captain? Do you think you are ready for a physical relationship with him?" A wistful smile graced her face, "I love the feel of him. He makes me feel safe and loved. . . wanted." "That's not enough to base a relationship on, Beverly." "I know that, Deanna. It goes much deeper than just that. He is my rock, my lifeline. If it wasn't for his love and patience I don't know where I'd be right now. I love him with my heart and soul. I can't wait for the day we make love, but I agree with you, I don't think I am ready for that step yet." "What would have happened in that kitchen if Will and I hadn't interrupted you two?" "I don't know. I was already starting to feel anxious. I probably would have stopped it before it went any further. As much as I enjoyed him touching me, as aroused as I was, if we made love now, it would be for all the wrong reasons. It's not something I want to rush. I need time." "Wrong reasons? What do you mean?" Deanna knew why, but she wanted to make sure that Beverly really understood too. "If we were to make love, without me facing the recent events in my life, I would be using him to try to feel safe, to prove to myself that sex is not all the violence and pain that I feel it is right now." Deanna could hear the 'boys' returning from their tour of the house and tried to lighten the mood, "You know, Bev, in all the years I have known you, I have never gotten you to discuss your feelings as easily as I did tonight. Either I am finally getting good at reading you, or you are going soft on me.' She laughed. Beverly smiled, "Don't get used to it, it wont be so easy to get me to talk in the future. I made a promise to Jean Luc to talk to you. The next time I am in need of your services, you are going to have to work for it. I can't spoil you now, can I?" --- For the first time in weeks, Beverly's laughter was genuine and sincere, not filled with sarcasm. It was the sound of her laughter that drew Jean Luc and Will back to the living room. "Well, Captain, sounds like the girls are having a party without us." Will said loudly to announce their return Jean Luc smiled at Will as he made his way to Beverly. She stood as he approached. When he was in front of her, he whispered, "Better?" She reached for him and pulled him into her embrace, "Not yet, but we are working in it." He softly kissed her cheek, "I'm glad, love, I'm proud of you." Beverly turned to Deanna and Will, "Thank you both for looking out for me, and I am sorry I was so obnoxious in Ten-Forward that day." She turned to Jean Luc, "And thank you for rescuing me. I love you." Deanna moved to her, hugging her, "I'm glad you are back Beverly, I missed you." "Yeah, the poker games have been pretty dull without you, maybe now I'll actually have some competition again." Will joked. Deanna swatted his arm the took his hand, "Come on Will, lets go to bed, I'm tired." Walking past Beverly and the Captain she said, "Goodnight." After Will and Deanna retreated to the guest room, Jean Luc again faced Beverly, "You ok?" he asked. "Yes, I will be, thanks to you and Deanna." Why do I sense a 'but' in there somewhere?" She sighed, a bit unsure of what his reaction would be, "I love you, you know that don't you?" "Yes, but I shall never tire of hearing you say it." He smiled "I don't think that I am ready to make love yet. I wasn't. . . god do I want to but I am not ready." "Beverly," he hugged her, "I understand. I will not pressure you. We will take things as slowly as you need to. Just knowing you love me as much as I love you is enough." She snuggled into his embrace, "Will you hold me tonight?" "I will hold you forever, all you have to do is ask." Tugging his arm, she led him up the stairs to her bedroom, "Come, sleep next to me tonight, My Captain, and hold me." Behind them, he shut the door. Closing out the hurt and loneliness, and opening a new chapter in their lives. The road will be a long,difficult one to journey down, and there will be many fences to mend, but they will walk the road together. --- The End