The BLTS Archive - One Man's Loss by Kira-Nerys (kardasi@kardasi.com) --- DISCLAIMER: Oh mighty Viaborg and Paramount, they all belong to you - I know. . . . The story line is mine though. Not that they would even touch this stuff with plastic gloves on anyway. . . AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a sequel to Dire Dinner Distractions and I recommend you read that first before venturing onto this one. It will make more sense that way. This is not set in canon at all and a placement in canon timeline is hardly possible or necessary to achieve. FAIR WARNING: I am a Du/K fan myself, and a G/B fan, never doubt that. However, this story might be a little disconcerting for both these groups of fans. The pairing is mainly Dukat and Garak and deals with very strong feelings between these men. M/m sex. --- Dukat had a very difficult time dealing with what had really happened. Not the part with Major Kira. He loved the fact that he had finally gotten her where he wanted her - in his arms and into his bed. Where that might lead, he didn't know, but he would be sure to find out - soon. But there was something else weighing heavily on his mind. More than he had ever anticipated, in fact. There was something he realized he had to deal with first, before getting further involved with Major Kira Nerys. Elim, he thought. His was the name that over the past three decades had made him cringe with hatred and contempt. Elim Garak, the man who had held his heart in his hands and crushed it, without even looking back. Elim Garak of the Obsidian Order, his father's murderer. . . He thought he had gotten over Garak and put the feelings for the other man behind him, buried them deep in the mists of the past. He thought the feelings he once had for Garak had transformed into hatred and nothing more. And then, this happened. Elim and that wretched doctor took matters into their own hands. How could he have allowed Garak to do that to him, not even protesting - encouraging him in fact? He knew why. Guls, he knew why. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard at the memory of Garak's caresses. You are a fool, Dukat, he thought to himself where he was sitting, the breakfast untouched, and deep in thought. What should he do? Should he simply go to Garak and punch him out? Should he bring his phaser and shoot that despicable. . . tailor, to rid himself of the pain and the hold that man so obviously still had over him? Should he go there and drag him into his bed? Dukat leaned forward and buried his face in his hands and let his thoughts go back to that time, back to the past, before life got so complex, painful and lonely. He could remember those first words Garak uttered to him as clearly as if it had been yesterday. --- "Ah, it is so nice to finally meet you, Dukat. I have heard great things about you!" Dukat turned around with his eye-ridges raised. He did not recognize the voice and yet it sent shivers down his spine. It was rich, vibrant and sexy. When he laid eyes on the man to whom it belonged, his heart nearly stopped beating in his chest. What a dashing young man! As usual he regained his composure swiftly and bowed gracefully towards the man who appeared to be merely a couple of years older than himself. "And you are?" he inquired with solemn voice as he tried to place the man standing before him. "Oh, I am hurt, Dukat. My name is Elim Garak." "Yes, of course," Dukat responded and felt a flutter in his stomach, Elim Garak, the protege of Enabran Tain. He should have guessed. The man had an air of intrigue and mystery about him, typical for an Obsidian Order agent. The stories around this man, despite his youth, were numerous. "I did not recognize you, but I have heard many great things about you as well." "Have you, my friend?" Garak replied and put a hand on his back as if to motion Dukat to walk with him. Dukat's heart leapt in his chest. If he was not mistaken, the strong and sudden attraction he felt to this man was most certainly mutual. Dukat smiled his most charming smile as they walked off from the crowded room, speaking companionably. --- Dukat remembered the strong feeling of having met his equal; someone with whom he could share his innermost feelings and ideas. The connection between them had been so immediate. To be sure, they were different in many aspects, but their differences only seemed to make them fit together even more, like two pieces of one whole. Dukat could not remember being as happy as he had been those first weeks of their relationship. Garak's sexual appetite matched his own, as did his intelligence and his humor. Dukat had laughed more than he could ever remember having done before - or after - that time. They stole every minute they could to be together. Elim, if things had not gone so terribly wrong between us, where might that have left us today? Once again he rubbed his eyes, but then he rose from the chair and pushed the memories away. He did not wish to remember what had brought on the hatred between them. For just once he wanted to allow himself to remember those good times. It was the first time in nearly three decades he allowed himself to remember what had actually been good between him and Elim. . . He wanted to savor that feeling, but then the white, hot rage took hold of him at the memory of seeing his lover leaning over his father's still body, leaning over Legate Dukat with blood on his hands. Why, Elim? Why did it have to be you? Why did you betray me? He winced at the pain he could feel as the thoughts crossed his mind. He hadn't realized how painful this still was to him. For decades he had kept out of Garak's way; stayed away only to meet him whenever it was absolutely necessary or unexpected. Many were the times when he had conjured up a way to kill his former lover, but he had never been able to finish the job. Why that was, he never allowed himself to think too much about. I've become too soft. Garak killed my father and I cannot take revenge? Dukat knew how the Obsidian Order had been after his father for many years, but he could not fathom how Garak could have taken that particular assignment. He moved away from the table and started pacing as his thoughts became more disturbing by the minute. One question had remained the most difficult to answer, the most painful to think about. Had Elim Garak approached him simply to get to his father? Had those feelings they shared never been real? Had he only been a softhearted, naive young man who believed everything Garak said to him, while the older man laughed behind his back? "No!" Dukat shouted and punched his fist into the wall. The very real pain in his knuckles made the all too painful memories fade for an instant. --- Garak was standing in his shop feeling totally numb. Guilt overcame him at the memory of what happened the night before. The incredible passion with which he and Julian had made love, no, had sex - almost violent sex, had not been enough. Garak closed his eyes and he could still feel the sinewy legs of Dukat underneath his hands. His memories filled with the passionate nights he had shared with Dukat and he knew that he still wanted his former lover more than ever. The need was as overwhelming as it was unexpected. But what about Julian, his beloved Julian? Garak pushed the thoughts of Dukat away and kept going with his work. But it was difficult to concentrate and glimpses of what happened the night before kept reasserting themselves. Flashes of Dukat almost involuntarily spreading his legs, inviting him to touch him more intimately, the feel of Dukat's muscular and wiry thighs beneath his palms. The familiar sensation of Dukat's hard erection in his hands, the taste of the other man in his mouth. . . Garak moaned softly to himself. What an old fool you are. The two of us have hated each other for almost thirty years and now you want him. As if Dukat would let you touch him again - ever. But the fact that Dukat might not feel the same didn't matter. Garak's feelings took a firm hold of him. Dukat had been his first true love and the feelings when they resurfaced now, after thirty years, were stronger than Garak could ever have imagined. He put his work down and decided that it was of no use. He could not concentrate and he had almost no customers this day of the week to take his mind off things. But it was still early in the day and he couldn't close up shop, could he? He desperately needed time to think, alone. He knew that his young lover would be very distraught if he simply closed up shop and disappeared from the establishment without a warning. Therefore, as he made his decision, he walked over to the door and hung the "Closed" sign on its assigned place. Then he drew a deep, calming breath and walked over to the Infirmary. He had to talk to Julian at least. He had to try and make him understand. How can I make Julian understand, when I don't understand it myself? Garak scolded himself. He should have stopped Julian from talking him into that stupid prank. If he hadn't agreed to it, he wouldn't have been in this predicament in the first place. But he could never have believed that Dukat would have this hold over him, after all these years. I believed I could do it, without ruining anything between me and Julian, but it appears I was wrong. . . Garak sighed deeply and felt like the weight of the entire station lay on his shoulders. --- Julian was sitting by his console in the Infirmary, going over some bacterial samples when Garak entered. He turned around with a strained smile on his lips. He had just been thinking about Garak - not very pleasant thoughts either. He might be naive and young, but he wasn't stupid. He knew that the relationship between him and Garak had changed forever last night. He rose to his feet and pulled the Cardassian into his arms and kissed him on the ridges that went from his chin to his ear. "Elim, just the person I wanted to see. . . " he began, trying to sound his normal cheerful self, but not succeeding entirely. He looked closely at his lover. Garak's form was stiff and unresponsive. Julian pulled back, staring at him. "What's the matter, Elim?" he queried, feeling butterflies in the pit of his stomach. Something was definitely wrong here and he had quite a good idea of what it might be. "We need to speak, Julian," Garak said softly, and Julian's chest tightened. Julian felt fear wash over him. Had he lost Garak? Because of one stupid idea, had he lost Garak for good? "As you wish," Julian managed to respond calmly, although his stomach was churning in a way that made him want to vomit. He put a hand lightly on his lover's back and steered him into the privacy of the quarantine room. "What do you want to talk about?" Garak seemed evasive and Julian simply wanted to sit down. His legs were wobbly and he slumped down on a chair in front of Garak. "I do not wish to hurt you. . . " Garak began. The nausea got stronger inside Julian as he watched Garak's stern face. "And I wish I didn't have to, but. . . " "It's Dukat, isn't it? Dukat and my stupid idea?" Garak simply nodded and sat on the chair in front of Julian as if his legs could not carry him either. "I love you, Julian," Garak said, leaned forward and touched his chin. Garak's impossibly blue eyes were filled with pain, and Julian's heart slowed somewhat. "But it appears that the feelings I once had for Dukat have resurfaced, and I need some time to think. Would you grant me this?" "This is not good bye?" Julian said with a slight tinge of hope in his voice. "I wish I could say no for certain, Julian, but I simply do not know. I am sorry." Garak withdrew his hand and the emptiness Julian felt when the cool air brushed against his skin hurt. Garak rose and got out of the Infirmary without another word. Julian sat and watched his lover go with a hole in his chest, where his heart should have been. Gods, the only person I have ever really, truly loved is slipping away from me and I only have myself to blame. How could I ever have been so stupid, Julian thought to himself. --- Major Kira woke up feeling like someone had hit her over the head with a baseball bat. She had sneaked back to her own quarters at the small hours of the morning, feeling like a thief in the night. She couldn't believe what she had done. She couldn't believe what Julian and Garak had done! She groaned and pulled a pillow over her head. A tingling sensation spread in her body at the mere thought of what Dukat and she had been up to the night before. She felt the warm blush creep up on her face at the thought of how she had acted. But Dukat hadn't seemed to mind at the time, quite the contrary. . . Kira bit her lip. She really wanted to blame Julian and Garak for last night, but she couldn't. She was too honest for that. She wanted to cry at the Prophets for putting her in that situation, but why shout at them? She could have just shoved her chair back and leaned down to see who was touching her and she could have run screaming out of Dukat's quarters. He had not forced her into anything. She could have done many things to stop what had happened, but she hadn't. And the pure and simple truth was that she hadn't wanted to. She had wanted him. She had wanted it all. The evening had been the single most erotic experience in her life. As soon as Julian started caressing her, the realization why Dukat was so preoccupied had dawned on her. His inability to concentrate on what she was saying had been driving her mad. The image of someone sitting underneath the table, caressing him while he was talking to her, trying to hide it - oh, she had to admit it - it had really titillated her. Even now, the mere thought of it sent warm spikes of arousal through her body and she groaned. Even after Dukat told her who those mystery guests were she still enjoyed the memory. She felt embarrassed, sure. How could she face Garak, Bashir or even Dukat today? What was she going to say? Where would this lead? Again, Kira groaned and got out of the bed. She didn't have a choice. Her shift would begin in an hour. She just had to be there on time, and she knew she wouldn't be able to avoid any of the men. --- Dukat left his quarters, heading for a turbolift. He needed to get to the Promenade to speak with Garak. He had to clear this up before he could go on with his life and leave this whole mess behind him. It was something he should have done years ago, he realized, but somehow, he never seemed to have had the courage to do that before. Perhaps it was easier now, because of what happened? Perhaps Garak had had feelings for him after all? And perhaps he should listen to his side of the story, just once? Then, if it wasn't an answer he liked he could always kill him afterwards. . . Dukat's heart nearly stopped in his chest when the turbolift halted at the level of the Promenade and Garak stood before him. His mouth went totally dry, and he could do nothing but nod. Elim, always so attractive. . . Garak stood there, silently, hesitating for a second but then he entered the lift and stood beside Dukat. They were not alone in the car and Dukat wanted to talk to Garak, alone, so he simply stood there. He waited, bided his time, not saying anything, until the woman who stood between them left. Dukat still kept silent and Garak did not even look at him as the car kept going. The silence between them was overwhelming. Finally Dukat could not stand it anymore. "Why did you do it?" That was when the turbolift stopped and the lights went out. "What in the Great Gul's name is going on?" Garak spat. Dukat could hear him rustling about in the complete blackness, panic overtaking his senses. Suddenly he remembered the other man's fear of closed spaces. The memory made him feel strange. It brought back the memories of another time when they had been confined together in a cell. They had been drinking a bit too much and ended up in the brig of a Galor Class Starship. Dukat swallowed at the memory of how he had managed to calm Garak down that time around. He had kissed him and caressed him, soothing him until they both were consumed by their feelings for one another and they ended up making love. A familiar tightening in his groin was a response to the memory. He pushed away the arousal and allowed himself to feel the other emotion instead. He felt protective of Garak and before he could examine his reactions he stepped forward and put his hand on the other man's shoulder. "Elim. . . calm down, Elim. I am here. They will get us out of here as soon as they can." "I... can't. . . stay. . . here!" Garak hissed between clenched teeth as he kept smashing his hands against the door. Dukat felt the older man tremble underneath his hands and he stepped forward, closer to Garak and then he did what felt most natural. He pulled him into his embrace. He closed his eyes momentarily. It felt so much better than he could have imagined. Don't think about your father, Dukat told himself. "They will get us out of here!" he said as steadily as he could. It was all he could do to keep his own voice from trembling. But his feeling had nothing to do with fear. "It might just be a temporary thing. Will you be okay while I try to contact the captain?" Not even the emergency lights were on, but Dukat pushed Garak away just a little bit to be able to activate his wrist-communicator. "Dukat to Captain Sisko. What is going on?" "Dukat. . . " Sisko responded tiredly. "What do you want?" "The turbolift which I am currently occupying has stopped between two floors. You wouldn't happen to know what is wrong?" "I do. There's been an explosion in one of the power conduits. It blew out the entire power-grid to the turbo-lifts, force-fields, transporters, replicators and a whole bunch of other subsystems and O'Brien is working on it right now." "Ah, I see. Is there no other way to get out of here?" Dukat queried. "No, I don't think so. There is a hatch in the roof of the lift, but I don't think it will do you any good since all power to the doors and airlocks are out too. You won't be able to get out. Are you alone in there?" "No, Garak is with me." There was a long silence. "Try not to kill each other, I am afraid you will be stuck there for a few hours. I will contact you every hour to inform you of any progress. We're lucky to have communications on line." "I see. Thank you Captain." He tapped his wrist-communicator and Garak, who had been silent throughout the entire conversation, still remained quiet. "Garak?" Dukat whispered. "Are you all right?" --- Garak felt like the walls of the turbo-lift were closing in on him. As if the walls slowly but steadily shrank before him, getting closer by the second. Bright spots danced before his eyes and his heartbeat thudded so violently in his ears that he could barely hear the reassuring voice of his former lover. Dukat. . . Then he felt the touch on his shoulders again. The warm hands of Dukat. . . "Garak, talk to me. Are you okay?" "No, I am not okay!" Garak snapped. "I feel horrible. You talk to me, make me forget where we are. You said something to me when the lights went out. What was it?" He hated himself for the weakness and he steeled himself from the feelings Dukat's hands were provoking in him. All he wanted to do was pull Dukat into his arms. Forget where they were, forget everything - except how much he wanted this man. "It is of no importance, Elim. Just forget about that." "No, I don't want to forget about it!" he shouted. "Tell me what you were saying." If he simply made Dukat angry it would be easier to ensure that the other man did not realize what was happening to him. Wasn't this what you wanted, to tell Dukat the truth? Dukat's hands fell from his shoulders and Garak drew a silent sigh of relief at the same time as the fear arose in his chest and he wanted to scream at Dukat to hold him close; to touch him; to drive the fear away. He has seen me like this before. But then, back then we were closer, much closer. Garak could see, in his mind's eye, how Dukat's face closed. He knew that look so well. The man changed from concern to closing up in a fraction of a second. Dukat's face had always been so expressive. He wore his heart on his sleeve as the Earth saying went. . . That was one of the many reasons he had fallen for Dukat in the first place all those years ago. The strange vulnerability, combined with the ruthlessness, the humor and the quick wit, and the power that exuded from the man, the power and even the arrogance. He had loved all those qualities in Dukat. In a way, he obviously still did although he hadn't been aware of it. "As you wish. I asked you why you did it. . . " Dukat said and Garak closed his eyes for a moment. So this was it? Finally Dukat came to him and asked right out. "Why did I kill your father?" Garak finished for him before Dukat said it out loud. --- Dukat jumped at the words. That wasn't at all what he had meant. He had only meant to ask Garak why he and Dr. Bashir had been in his quarters, doing what they did last night. But Garak had come to the point in a very uncharacteristic way. "That wasn't what I was asking," he said harshly as the truth dawned on him. Of course, Garak had no idea he knew that it was him and Bashir who hid in his quarters the night before. It was easy to understand why Garak believed his question was more serious than it was intended to be. The arousal Dukat had felt only moments ago vanished in an instant as the memories flashed back on him. Garak, leaving him. . . Garak, laughing at him. . . Garak, sitting on the floor with his father's life's blood all over his hands. . . Garak's eyes, looking up at him - empty. . . The arousal was replaced with pain and anger; an all-consuming rage. He wanted to reach out and hit Garak squarely across the face. Beat him so badly that he could never get up again. But he had to know - he needed to know, the truth. "But you wish to know, don't you?" Garak coaxed him with a slight tinge of contempt in his voice. "Yes, I do," Dukat admitted and fought to suppress the almost overwhelming rage. "But I don't think this is the time. . . " "This is the perfect time!" Garak hissed. "You can't run away from the truth now. You've kept running away from me for years, for decades. Now - now you will finally have to listen to the truth!" Garak's voice rose, the panic attack all but gone. Now his voice was full of anger and the same pain Dukat felt. "The truth?" Dukat spat condescendingly. "Aren't you the one always saying that there is no truth? Truth is in the eye of the beholder. Truth is what you want it to be? Truth is something to be twisted and used to your own advantage? Isn't that what you have always done?" "I have never lied to you!" Garak said with pain in his voice. Without warning even the anger was gone. Dukat's heart was pounding in his chest and he felt almost nauseated. What was Garak going to tell him? The memory of him, hunching beside his father's still body, was so clear in his mind even now, so many years later. "Really?" Dukat said coldly. "How about your promise to love me?" Garak gasped and Dukat smiled to himself. Even though he could not see the other man he knew his words had hit home, so he kept going. "You promised you would love me, always. Do you remember?" "How could I ever forget?" --- Garak closed his eyes as the memories flooded over him. The night in question was the night he had first told Dukat how he felt about him. They had spent an entire week together at the Dukat family's residence in the Lakar'thati Province, making love, eating good food, relaxing and finally they had professed their undying love for each other. Garak had never been so happy in his life, not even with Julian. Back then he had been young, full of hopes of the future. The possibilities had been endless and he had been one of the most powerful men on Cardassia - the second in command of the Obsidian Order. Dukat had truly become his 'other half' and the future had been sparkling, promising, wonderful. . . Then the reality came crashing down on him and he remembered why that time had come to a very abrupt and painful end. "But you forget something, Dukat. You betrayed me!" Garak hissed. "You married Elena." Dukat was silent as if he had been rendered speechless. And perhaps he had been, Garak thought to himself. This was the first time ever that he even hinted to Dukat how he felt about his marriage to Elena. When it happened he had simply left Cardassia without even talking to his lover, hurt beyond comprehension. He accepted his fate and went on a mission for the Order. When he came back he hadn't had time to talk to Dukat before that dreadful scene. Garak could still see the expression on his lover's face as he found him sitting there by Dukat's father's dead body. "Is that why you left me?" Dukat said. His voice sounded breathless as if the truth just now had dawned on him. "Yes. Guls, Dukat! How did you expect me to react? You married another!" "I never realized. So that is why you killed my father?" Dukat's voice was soft, almost as if he was musing over something trivial; something that he no longer cared about. Garak knew him well enough to realize that this was not the case. "You killed my father, for revenge?" Dukat's voice grew harsher and filled with conflicting emotions, as if he didn't really know what to make of it all. "No, Dukat!" Garak said and moved closer to the younger man. "No, that is not what happened. You still don't get it, do you? I didn't kill your father. I was an operative of the Obsidian Order - true. But I didn't kill your father." "Then what happened, Elim?" Dukat asked impatiently. "No more mindgames, no more lies. Just tell me the plain and simple truth for once, Elim." Garak sighed. Telling it like it was, it was so quaint, so lacking of finesse - something he rarely did, but even he realized there was a time and place for mindgames and there was also a time and place for truth and openness. This was one of those times. Instead of leading Dukat on and giving him halftruths and innuendo, Garak opened his mouth and gave him - the truth. "I was after the man who did kill your father. I arrived too late and what you saw was me, trying to find out if your father was beyond help or not. He was dead before I even arrived. He had been dead for more than an hour, Dukat. His body was cold. Did that never strike you as peculiar? Did you think I would stay there for more than an hour with your father's body and his blood on my hands simply to make sure that you would find me there? I would never hurt you like that. How could you think I would ever hurt you like that? I loved you!" --- Dukat knew Elim too well not to know when he was telling the truth. Perhaps he was one of the few, maybe even the only person who knew him well enough to know this. And right now Elim Garak was not lying, he could wager his life on that. --- Kira was working hard, trying to concentrate on everything but the night before, not succeeding very well. Therefore she was almost grateful when the station's systems failure occurred. It put her mind at ease, at least for a while. Around noon however, Julian entered Ops, seeming lost and quite upset. Kira frowned. Now what? Should she walk over to Julian and bite his head off? Her first reaction would have been to do just that if she hadn't. . . She found herself remembering the surprising tenderness Dukat had shown, and the excitement she had felt at his caresses. She had to admit it to herself, it had been even better than she could have hoped for. But of course, she couldn't just let it all go at that, Julian's actions had been very crude. She felt the blush creep up on her face when she realized that he. . . Julian was the one who. . . Those long, slender fingers had. . . he had. . . Prophets! It was embarrassing and she felt the anger come back. She also realized that if Dukat could identify Garak from what he had done, Garak would most certainly be aware of it - and Julian would probably find out pretty soon. He would realize that she too, knew it was him and Garak who pulled that stunt. So, instead of procrastinating, she decided to confront the problem right up. With a determination to get to the bottom of the whole thing, and at least trying to avoid biting Julian's head off she walked over to him. He certainly seemed like he could use a friend rather than a foe right now anyway. Kira frowned. To be quite honest, he looked like he just lost his best friend. --- Julian walked around in a daze. His mind was filled with pain. He couldn't believe what he had done. He had invited this. Garak had, for once told him the truth and he hadn't even seen the significance of it. He told me how he felt about Dukat and I didn't even hear the warning bells ring. I stomped into the situation without even considering the consequences. But I trusted him. I believed he loved me - and he does, Julian. Garak does love you, but does he care enough for you to leave Dukat behind? I should have known there was danger there. It was obvious from the way those two have always looked at each other with such profound hatred, such strong emotions. I never even realized where those feelings came from. Strong hatred like that can only stem from utter betrayal. Only love can turn into such burning contempt. Now what do you do, Julian? He needed to talk to someone and the only one he could think of who might understand his feelings was Major Kira Nerys. He drew a deep sigh, logged out from the computer and moved towards Ops. --- Operations was buzzing with activity. "There's been another short-out in the power-grid. Transporters are still off line. Replicators and airlocks are out and. . . " Julian stopped listening to the reports. There was nothing he could do about this. There were no wounded, no casualties and his shift at the infirmary was over. He felt like the entire world was against him and he turned around to leave. "Julian, Julian, wait. I need to talk to you!" It was Major Kira's voice and Julian stopped dead in his tracks. "Aren't you busy?" he asked as he turned around. "There's nothing I can do. I always feel completely helpless when there's something like this going on. Rom, Jadzia, O'Brien and his teams are the ones who have the situation under control. And I really need to talk to you. Besides, it's lunch time anyway." "I am at your service," he tried to joke and tensed when he saw the strange look on Nerys' face. "I am sure you are," she responded as her eyes shrunk to slits. "But I think we should talk a little more privately. It's important. It's about last night. . . " Julian felt a flush creep up on his face and he nodded. She knew. . . --- Dukat slid to the floor with a feeling of numbness in his throat. He had made so many mistakes in his life he didn't even know how to begin to make sense of them. But he had always believed that he was not responsible for the mistakes made between him and Elim. It seemed he was wrong, wrong about that as he was about so many other things in life. He couldn't believe it. He leaned forward to rest his head to his knees and hardly noticed when the emergency lights came on. Garak had not killed his father. So many years of hatred, pain and feelings of betrayal - had they all been for nothing? He felt almost dizzy at the mere thought of it. Thirty years of loneliness, decades when he could have been at this man's side. "Sisko to Dukat." He didn't even move. He hardly noticed when Garak slid down beside him and grabbed the communicator. "Dukat, are you there?" "This is Garak, Captain. Gul Dukat is. . . indisposed at the moment." "Garak, what have you done?" "I assure you, I have done him no harm." "Garak. . . " the captain began, but was interrupted by Dukat. "I am all right, Captain. I am touched by your concern, but I assure you there is no need to worry about my well-being." "I am - glad to hear that." "I am sure you are, Captain," Dukat said with a tired voice. His usual mocking gone. "How long can we expect to be trapped in this lift?" "For another two hours at least. I am sorry, but the transporters are still malfunctioning and chief O'Brien and the rest of the technicians can't start working on them until Operations is fully functional again." "Can't you use any of the ship's transporters?" "I would be happy to do so, Dukat. If the airlocks were working I would be delighted to go to the Defiant so I could get the two of you out of there before you kill one another. As it is now we cannot reach the transporters of any of the shuttles, or the Defiant. So, I am afraid you are stuck in there with your fellow Cardassian for another couple of hours at least." --- "How did you find out?" Julian said tiredly as they sat by a secluded table at the replimat. It was empty of course. Julian supposed there was no reason for people to sit there since the replicators were still off line. "That doesn't really matter, does it?" Kira said and her voice was pretty rough. She sounded like she was only seconds away from snapping. Perhaps he deserved it. Julian almost wished Kira would punch him out. However, that wouldn't help matters much. It was too late. "I suppose not." "This is the most embarrassing thing I've ever been through in my entire life!" Julian nodded and he couldn't stop himself from allowing a faint smile creep up on his lips. He could see why she would think that. If it hadn't been for what had happened afterwards he would have enjoyed teasing her a little about it. He might even have wanted to repeat the experience. But now? Now he realized he might have ruined the best thing that ever happened to him on a stupid little adventure. "What I don't understand is why you did it, Julian? I don't understand your motives." Kira said, obviously trying to keep her voice down although it was pretty obvious she was quite angry with him. "Isn't that rather obvious? You might hate Dukat, but in truth, there is a lot more to your feelings for him than you would care to admit. We just decided to give you a little push that is all. " "What gives you the right to mess with our lives?" Kira said. "I confided in you! And you use it against me like this. You - forced yourself on me!" "Nerys, come on. You know that isn't true. You could have ended the whole thing with a simple word or kicking me in the face. You did nothing of the sort." Kira opened her mouth to protest, but was stopped when Julian held up his hand. "Listen Nerys. I would never have kept going if you had given me the slightest hint that you didn't like what I was doing. However, I know I overstepped my boundaries and if you want me to apologize, I will. I didn't mean to mess up your life, Nerys, I was only trying to help you," he continued, "You want him, don't you? I only wanted you to loosen up a little bit." Kira didn't answer and bit her lip, and Julian knew he was right. "Now will you tell me how you found out that it was us?" "Dukat told me," she admitted and a blush crept up on her face. Julian lifted his head and his heart began beating harder. Had something happened between them after he and Garak beamed out after all? "How did he know?" "Uhm. . . I don't know if Garak told you, but they used to be lovers." "I know," Julian responded and averted his gaze. Kira seemed to be on her way to pursue the matter further, then she frowned and stopped herself. "Does that bother you? It was a long time ago." Julian drew a deep breath. "Not the fact in itself so much as the fact that it seems Garak still has feelings for Dukat. I think they are together as we speak." Kira's eyes shrank to mere slits. "Dukat and Garak - together? But they hate each other now!" "I know. . . " Julian drew another deep breath and plunged himself into the short explanation Garak had given him only a few days ago. He told Kira all he knew about Garak's feeling of betrayal when Dukat married his wife and Dukat's hatred because of the misunderstanding surrounding his father's death. ". . . Garak will probably explain the truth to Dukat and god only knows what will happen then. There is no longer any reason for them to hate each other." Julian concluded. "Julian," Kira said and grabbed his hand. "I know that you love Garak and that you trust him, but you know what he is like. He can twist the truth into whatever way, shape or form he wishes and you can never be sure that he is telling things the way they really happened." Julian looked into Kira's eyes and watched her draw back. "I know you hate Cardassians Kira, and I know you mistrust Garak - and Dukat," Kira looked down.". . . but the simple fact is that Garak does not lie to me. He might tell the truth in a roundabout way and he might even keep secrets from me and choose not to tell me certain things. But he does not lie to my face. If he did, our relationship would mean nothing. And if that were the case he wouldn't have done what he did this morning. He asked me to give him time, he practically asked my permission to sort out his feelings for Dukat. If he didn't care about me, he would never have been even that considerate." Kira nodded, quite obviously feeling a little uncomfortable. "But what makes you think that Dukat will believe Garak?" "Because they still care about each other." Kira silenced and Julian knew that she, too, was wondering why she hadn't seen it before. "The question is what we're going to do about it?" he continued. "What are we going to do about it?" she repeated with a puzzled look on her face. "Honestly Nerys, do you want to lose Dukat now?" Kira bit her lip again and her gaze grew distant as she pondered the question. Julian drew a deep sigh of relief when he saw the jealousy there. "No," she admitted. "I don't. And I'll fight for him if I have to." --- "Dukat? Are you all right?" Garak queried. The other man laughed softly. "Yes, I am fine Garak, but what about you? We'll be in here for a while you know. Are you going to be able to cope with that?" "I don't know. I feel better now that the emergency lights are on." He silenced and then he sighed. "I did not kill your father. I hope you believe that I am telling the truth for once." Garak looked at Dukat. He was sitting in front of him, so close that all he had to do to touch him was reach out with his hand. Dukat was resting against the wall of the turbolift with his head leaned back and his eyelids closed. His face was strict with control and Garak knew that Dukat was not "fine" but that he would not admit it readily. Dukat opened his eyes at Garak's question. "Yes. . . yes, I do believe that you are telling the truth. Why didn't you ever tell me before?" Garak didn't respond at once. Why hadn't he said anything before? Lack of opportunity? No, he could have created one. He might be exiled from Cardassia but he still had connections in the Order. He could have told Dukat had he really wanted to. Pain? Yes, that was probably a part of it. Dukat had married Elena and started producing children shortly thereafter. But most of all. . . "What would have been the use, Dukat?" he asked. "Would it have changed anything?" Dukat stood and started pacing back and forth in the closed up space. He too remained silent for a time and didn't respond right away. His uneasy movements were beginning to agitate Garak. His activity made it harder to concentrate on what they were talking about and harder for him to block out the fact that the lift was such a small place. Garak drew a deep breath and tried to calm himself. "It would have changed things for me. At least I would not have been forced to live with the belief that the person I loved more than anyone else had murdered my father." Dukat's voice was harsh and restrained as if the pain was too much to bear. "I was never a kind man. You know that, Dukat. I might have taken pleasure in knowing that you were hurting. I might not have killed your father with my own hands, but I did take advantage of the circumstances. I wanted you to hurt as much as I did!" he admitted. "I never realized how much pain I caused you." "No," Garak said dryly. "That has always been one of your less redeeming qualities. You always set yourself and your needs before anyone else's. I've seen that time and time again." "What are you talking about?" Dukat spat and stopped pacing and froze right in front of him. Those pale blue eyes bore deep inside Garak's, but Garak was one of the few who did not feel the need to look away. Dukat might be an imposing man but Garak had never been afraid of him, ever. Instead of avoiding the question Garak too rose to his feet and held Dukat's gaze steadily. "You really want to know? Do you?" he challenged. "Yes," Dukat hissed, even though Garak could see the pain and the fear inside those eyes. Dukat would not back down now. He never knew what was best for him, Garak thought with a half-smile. "You married Elena, because it would give you a great opportunity to boost your career in Central Command. Little did you care what it did to me. You didn't care about Elena's feelings when you took a new lover on Terok Nor, because that was what you wanted. Naprem was torn away from her family and her friends to become your mistress." Garak held up his hand when Dukat started to protest. "Yes, Naprem loved you, Ziyal has assured me of that many times, but what choice did you give her? You can be a charming bastard when you want and you know how to make people love you. But you have to admit that Naprem would never have been yours to begin with if she had any choice in the matter! You left Ziyal here to go on a fruitless chase after the Klingons. God, I listened to her cry after you so many times. . . " "Stop it!" Dukat shouted and punched Garak into the wall. "Just be quiet!" "But still, despite all this, we all loved you. I loved you, Elena loved you and so did Naprem and Ziyal. . . and so does Major Kira even if she does not know it yet." That's when Dukat leaned forward and kissed him hungrily and Garak was lost. --- Dukat's heart was beating so hard he thought it would beat its way out of his chest. He felt anger and pain, and he felt exhilaration and arousal - all at the same time. The pain was for all the lost time, for the truth that Garak's words held. He felt anger for the very same reasons, exhilaration because Garak had never been responsible for his father's death. He also felt slightly angered because of the fact that this was happening right now. Finally he had a chance to get a relationship going with the good old Major; a woman he had felt so attracted to for so long. And yet. . . Garak was there. . . the feelings he had for the man could no longer be considered wrong. He was allowed to let them resurface. He was allowed to feel love and passion for this man again and he could not hold back. He simply leaned forward and pulled Garak into his embrace. He loved the feeling of the other man's lips against his and he was not being gentle when he pushed Garak's lips apart to kiss him. Garak didn't protest, but he didn't respond right away either. Dukat knew he had taken Garak by surprise and he wondered for a brief moment if he had made a mistake. But when Garak finally did respond, his reaction was violent. Dukat felt the other man's hands tug at his hair to pull him closer. Garak's kisses were so hard that their teeth pushed into their lips. Dukat could feel the faint taste of salty blood mingled with the familiar taste of Garak's spicy kiss. He moaned. How he had longed for this. Ever since he realized who was underneath that table in his quarters last night he had barely been able to think about anything else. Forgotten was the pain, forgotten was the anger, forgotten was everything but this all consuming passion he felt for Garak. Forgotten were Major Kira Nerys and Doctor Julian Bashir. --- Garak felt like he was burning up inside. The feelings washing over him were like fire, like hot flames rippling through his body, touching his skin. He inhaled deeply and enjoyed the feeling of Dukat's pheromones working their magic. It had been so long. He had missed this so much, Dukat's scent, his rough kisses and hard caresses. He had missed Dukat's violent lovemaking. He dug his fingers into Dukat's luscious black hair and pulled the man closer for another kiss. Their tongues met in an agile dance, Garak reveled at Dukat's spicy taste, so different from Julian's, so familiar and yet so - foreign. Garak pushed the thoughts of his young human lover far back into his mind. He wouldn't let that interfere, not now. This felt too good. Instead he moved his hands from Dukat's hair down to his buttocks and pressed closer. It was obvious to him that Dukat was just as aroused as he was. "Gods, Elim," Dukat whispered hoarsely. "I had forgotten how good you taste." To emphasize his words he started kissing and nibbling his way over the ridges on Garak's chin and the other man moaned softly. "I know. I had forgotten how your scent alone could drive me wild." Dukat evidently took this as an invitation to lean forward and pull Garak's head closer to him. He was slightly taller than the other man and Garak complied by leaning forward, anticipating Dukat's intent. When Garak's tongue lapped at the place where the glands, releasing the pheromones into the air, were concentrated, Dukat gasped out loud and let out a low growl. "Yes, you've always enjoyed that, haven't you? It's all coming back to me now," Garak teased him lightly. "If I remember correctly you really loved it when I did this. . . " Garak could hear Dukat's breath catch in his throat when he bit down quite hard on the cartilage going from Dukat's shoulder to his neck. Then he continued to bite his way up to the other man's ear and Dukat's hands dug into his shoulders when he clung to him for dear life. "Elim," he gasped. "Elim, you know what you're doing to me, don't you?" "Yes, I do," Garak admitted and felt the exhilaration almost taking hold of him. He never thought Dukat would let him touch him like this again. It appeared he was wrong and he couldn't wait to make love to his former lover. Right now that was the only thing in life that seemed important enough to even consider doing. --- "Sisko to Dukat!" The voice in the communicator sounded positively irritated. "Sisko to Dukat, are you there?" Dukat pulled away and tried to regain his composure. He breath was ragged and shallow and he knew that anyone who saw him now would know he was badly turned-on. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes. Then he looked at Garak and smiled at the amusement in the other man's eyes, which was barely visible in the emergency lighting. "Dukat here," he responded. "It's about time. Are you killing each other off in there?" "Hardly, Captain. . . Hardly. . . " Dukat responded cryptically. "All right, that's all I wanted to know. Chief O'Brien has repaired the transporters now and we can beam you two out of there." "I'd like you to beam the both of us directly to my quarters, Captain." Dukat said. "Garak too?" "Yes." "Garak?" "Yes, Captain. That would be most kind of you." "Are you sure?" Sisko sounded positively disturbed by this idea. "Yes, Captain," Garak said again and Dukat grinned widely at the impatience finally creeping into the other man's voice. Garak sounded as if he was questioning the good captain's intelligence. Not that he himself hadn't done that on occasion, Dukat thought. "All right," Sisko said, still not sounding completely convinced. Relief washed over Dukat. He was quite sure he did not want to appear on the Promenade in his current state. . . face and neck-ridges charcoal gray with arousal and a hard-on that could be spotted a parsec away. He was quite sure Garak felt the same way. --- "All right," Julian said. "So what do we do?" "I don't really know. I'll have to think about this," Kira admitted. She did have an idea forming in her mind, but she didn't know how to present it to Julian. Considering what happened last night, he might take it the wrong way. --- Garak was in his arms almost before the tingling sensation of the transporter beam had dissipated, not that Dukat was complaining. He pulled the other man into his embrace and they took up where they had left off. "I am sorry to say this, Dukat, but through all these years I have been completely sincere with you when it comes to one thing, and that is when I told you how much I hate your uniform. Would you mind getting rid of the cuirass for me?" "As you wish, my dear Elim," Dukat responded with amusement in his voice, and moved back slightly to unbuckle the clasps of the armor. It dropped to the floor with a heavy thud and Dukat felt a slight twinge of regret. He was no longer as muscular and his skin was no longer as silvery gray as it had been the last time they were together, but Garak looked into his eyes and whispered hoarsely. "Beautiful, Dukat. You are still the most beautiful Cardassian I have ever seen." It did not escape Dukat's notice that Garak with his words did not exclude the young human doctor. For some reason he felt no jealousy at this fact. Garak was there, with him, right now and that was all that mattered. He didn't respond. Instead he started undoing the buttons of his pants, but Garak moved closer and pushed his hands away. "I'd like to uncover this treasure all by myself." It was as if they had never been apart. The caresses and the light banter remained the same. The passion was as strong as Dukat had ever felt it. He was amazed at this fact but he felt joy at the sensation. "Joy is vulnerability," he thought but pushed the words away and let himself enjoy the sensations Garak's probing hands caused in him. Those strong, skillful hands opened his trousers swiftly and Dukat closed his eyes, waiting for Garak's next move, and opened his eyes in impatience when Garak didn't do anything else. "I just want to look at you," Garak whispered huskily. "You know. I never thought I'd see you like this again. Aroused and wanting me." Dukat swallowed and watched Garak where he was standing. He was still fully dressed but Dukat could see the passion in those incredibly blue eyes. He had always found the color of Elim's eyes to be fascinating; fascinating and expressive. He reached out with his hand and stroked the other man's chin with a surprisingly gentle touch. "I am sorry, Elim," he said huskily. "I should have listened to you. I should have. . . " "Don't, Dukat. Don't dwell on the past. It is behind us now and there is nothing we can do about it. Let us enjoy the present instead." Dukat nodded and swallowed as Garak pulled him close and kissed him once again. His arousal returned to its previous level and their kisses became feverish as they touched each other knowingly, like two lovers who knew each other well, which was exactly what they were. Dukat moved his hands from Garak's shoulders down to the openings of his tunic and skillfully he divested the other man of the garment. Soon they were both standing there wearing only their pants and Dukat could see with perfect clarity that his lover was just as excited as he was. He moved his hands down to Garak's ass and pulled him close. The caresses grew more insistent, to the point where they would have been painful to anyone but a Cardassian. Dukat closed his eyes and reveled at the feeling of Garak's strong hands kneading his buttocks firmly. Oh yes, he thought. It was so long ago since anyone caressed me like that. Nobody, not since Elim. . . He pushed his hips forward to press into Garak and they both gasped as hardness encountered hardness. "It seems you have me at a disadvantage," Dukat whispered, his words more a hiss than anything else. "Why is that?" Garak responded and moved his hands to Dukat's waist, slipping inside the pants and grabbing his buttocks rather crudely. "It seems to me we are both equally excited. We are both equally undressed - or dressed. . . " Dukat opened his eyes and looked into Garak's steel-blue gaze. "I want to taste you," he explained, and couldn't help but smile a lewd smile when he saw the unmasked desire on Garak's face. He knew the other man remembered the night before. --- The thought of Dukat doing that to him was almost enough to send Garak over the edge and he closed his eyes and drew a deep breath to calm himself. He gasped when he felt Dukat's large hands moving over his muscular stomach down to the fastener of his pants. Dukat used his body weight to force him backwards, moving towards the bedroom. Dukat's eagerness was infectious and Garak complied almost weakly, and soon found himself being pushed back on Dukat's bed. He relaxed and watched Dukat move closer. He looked like a predator. That sinewy body moved with an elegant grace that rendered his mouth dry. He'd forgotten just how attractive he found the man. He licked his dry lips and watched as Dukat pulled his trousers of off him. All the while he moved his hands over each square centimeter of skin that was exposed to him. Garak swallowed again. He felt his erection harden more when Dukat moved closer, still dressed in those impossibly tight pants. "Isn't that uncomfortable?" Garak whispered and tugged at Dukat's trousers. Dukat smiled evilly. "If my memory serves me right, you used to find me incredibly sexy in tight pants, so I'll keep them on for a little while longer and I'll let you get them off of me later on." Garak swallowed again and nodded, yielding to the passion. He simply lay down to watch as Dukat moved up over his body. Those lean, but muscular legs straddling him, pressing against his thighs. Dukat's large hands were moving over his thighs, his hips and his stomach, caressing him firmly, moving slowly, and avoiding the place Garak really needed him to touch. Garak's breathing was heavy now and he couldn't stop himself from begging. "Dukat. . . it's been so long since you. . . please!" Dukat's pale blue eyes changed instantly at Garak's passionate plea. They darkened to an indigo blue and Garak could no longer see the irises as Dukat leaned forward and closed a hot, wet mouth over his erection and licked the head teasingly. Garak bucked into the other man's mouth and groaned deep in his throat. Dukat did not back away, instead he used his mouth to envelop Garak's erection completely and Garak closed his eyes moaning helplessly, thrashing about on the bed as Dukat moved that wet mouth up and down along the length of him. He licked the sensitive spot behind the head with a light, flickering touch. Garak hadn't felt so incredibly aroused in so long. Dukat's agile tongue moved over the hard flesh with the knowledge of a long time lover and Garak realized nobody had ever gotten to know him as well as Dukat did. Nobody knew how to drive him to the edge like that, and then withdraw at the precise right moment to keep the release at bay time and time again. "Dukat, oh Guls, Dukat. . . that is so good," Garak groaned and meant every word of it. Dukat responded by simply lowering his mouth over Garak's erection, sucking harder and taking him in fully once more and Garak flung his head back, dug his hands into the sheets so forcefully that they ripped between his fingers. Then he screamed aloud as he came. Wave after wave of incredible pleasure rippled through his body as he cried out in abandon. Dukat moved up along his lover's body and lay on top of him as Garak tried to regain his breath. "You know. . . " Dukat said, "I should have demanded that you keep quiet while I was doing that. Do you know how difficult it was for me to keep silent when gave me such a wonderful blowjob last night? But I had to, with Kira sitting there, across the table. I couldn't just shout in joy as you took me in completely. Oh, Elim. You don't know how I felt. You were driving me completely insane!" "Yes." Garak smiled as his breath was calming. "And as I recall you were never the quiet lover either." Dukat didn't respond as he began rocking his hips against Garak, drawing attention to his rock hard erection. "The question is; are you going to let me cry out in abandon as you lick and suck me to my release or do you want me inside you?" Garak lifted his arms and drove his hands through Dukat's hair once more and they kissed passionately for a while until they had to draw apart to breathe. "I want you. . . inside me," Garak said huskily. "I want you to take me the way you did that last night in the Lakar'thati Province." Dukat leaned down and kissed him again. "Whatever you want from me, Elim. Whatever you want." Then he withdrew and Garak followed him to sitting position. --- Dukat swallowed hard. The he watched as Garak's nimble fingers caressed his thighs. He was still straddling the other man's thighs and Garak could reach everywhere. Garak's touch sent shivers of pleasure through him. His hands were moving up and down in a firm, caressing motion, sending hot flashes up to his groin. He was turned-on enough as it was, but at the same time he enjoyed feeling Garak touch him like that. He knew how attracted Garak had always been to his legs. 'You're a leg man, Elim' he used to tease him back when they had been lovers. Elim had always smiled wickedly at him and said. "Only your legs, Dukat. Only yours." "I know what you're thinking, lover," Garak whispered into his ear. "And yes, Dukat. You still have the sexiest legs on this side of the Wormhole." With that, Garak pushed him out of his lap and motioned him to stand up. Dukat complied and shut his eyes and enjoyed the feel of Garak's impatience as he pulled his pants down. He stepped out of them and was standing naked before Garak for the first time in three decades. It felt like yesterday. Garak moved down and pulled him into his mouth without warning and Dukat gasped out loud. Garak pulled away and said with laughter in his voice. "You're free to make as much noise as you like now, Dukat." "I intend to," Dukat responded and placed his hands on Garak's head, pulling him towards him again and Garak complied, sucking him up and down a couple of times until Dukat was moaning out loud and rocking his hips in an encouraging movement. "Guls, Elim. If you keep that up I am going to come," he warned. Garak pulled away and Dukat opened his eyes. His lover was already on all fours on the bed and Dukat swallowed hard. The sight of Garak like that was doing things to him; things he needed to do something about - now. His erection grew a little more and he took it in his hand, using his natural lubrication and Garak's saliva to prepare. "Come on Dukat, don't keep me waiting," Garak encouraged him huskily. Dukat swallowed and knelt behind Garak. "I won't. Don't worry, Elim. I have no intention of keeping you waiting." Then he entered Garak, quickly, as he knew the other man wanted him to. Firmly he grabbed a hold of Garak's hips as the other man tried to squirm away from the sudden intrusion. "This is what you wanted, isn't it, Elim?" Dukat grunted harshly, and did not back away. Instead he buried himself deeper into the warmth and depths of Garak's body. He clenched his teeth at the sensations crashing down on him. "Oh, yes it is!" Garak admitted and Dukat smiled when he could feel the other man relax underneath him and soon Garak was thrusting back against him in encouraging movements. Dukat closed his eyes and let himself be swallowed by the pleasurable sensations rippling through him. The tightness and warmth around him and Garak's ragged breathing only making his desire stronger. He slammed into Garak hard, loving the feeling of the other man around him. It made him feel like he finally had come home. After so many years, he was finally where he belonged. He leaned forward and pulled Garak up to him. He reveled at the feeling of Garak's muscles and warm flesh touching his chest. He pulled Garak closer, letting the other man rest his head against his shoulders, moving his hands down to Garak's again erect member, stroking it firmly, intent on once again bringing Garak pleasure. "Dukat. . . " Garak moaned. "Dukat. . . " That was all he said but Dukat knew what it meant, and he buried his head in Garak's luscious hair responding in kind. "Elim, oh, Elim. . . " And the release built slowly inside him, like a dam filling and finally reaching its limits, breaking with a force he didn't know existed. "Elim," he screamed one last time as the orgasm took hold of him and he felt the other man's fluids spill over his hands as he continued caressing Garak, making him join him in the pleasure. "Elim. . . " he whispered again as they lay together on the bed, satiated, trying to regain their breath. Dukat opened his eyes and smiled at Garak as the other man pulled him into his embrace and kissed him tenderly. Love shining in those royal blue eyes. A love Dukat knew was mirrored in his own eyes. Where this love would lead them, he did not know. --- The End (for now)