The BLTS Archive - Three Worlds
#1: Crossing The Bridge
by Kiff (Kiff47@yahoo.com)

---

Disclaimer: These are Paramount's kidz. I'm the temporary babysitter.

Feedback: Constructive comments happily accepted.

Archiving: Permission granted to Sileya to archive at TSU. All others,
please ask first.

Note: I initially plotted this story in the spring of 1997. Final
completion: April 1999. Kes is included; Seven is not. I also took
some liberties with canon here; e.g., with Mark Johnson's fate.

---

Captain Kathryn Janeway stepped onto the empty bridge of her starship,
the U.S.S. Voyager. As the turbolift door closed behind her, she
paused under the dim lighting, taking in the familiar contours and
colors of her command center. It had been ten weeks since she had last
stood here -- ten weeks of intensive Starfleet debriefings,
disciplinary hearings -- and difficult separations.

Kathryn leaned against the rail that divided the bridge's upper level
from the stations below. Memories raced through her mind.

After seven years of exploring, mapping, and sometimes fighting their
way through the Delta Quadrant, the captain and her crew had found a
way home. They had stumbled across a wormhole that took them thousands
of light-years across the galaxy -- and straight into the heart of the
Klingon Empire. Voyager's sudden appearance in the midst of their
territory had put all Klingon forces in the area on alert. It had
taken all of Kathryn's diplomatic skills to explain their situation
and receive clearance to proceed to Federation space.

The ship was battered after the trip through the wormhole. B'Elanna
Torres had managed to work one more miracle on the warp engines so
that they could limp back to Earth.

Voyager now rested in Spacedock, undergoing a complete overhaul of its
systems. In another three weeks, Kathryn would be back in the
captain's chair. Starfleet needed Voyager back in service as quickly
as possible, even after all it had endured.

She shook her head slowly and strolled down the ramp to the pilot's
station. She placed her hands on the back of the chair where Tom Paris
had spent so many harrowing hours maneuvering the ship in and out of
danger. At times, Paris and Voyager seemed to be one entity,
thrashing, fleeing, fighting just to stay alive one more day.

Paris had redeemed himself hundreds of times over for the crimes he
had committed earlier in his career. He had matured into a fine
officer and a reliable friend. Kathryn was deeply pleased that she had
been given the opportunity to be a mentor to this young man.

She gripped his chair more tightly, recalling times when she had held
his shoulder in a similar way, trying to give him added strength and
support as he battled to evade their enemies.

Tom's biggest enemy, she knew, had always been himself.

She had given Starfleet Command an earful when they had been about to
send him back to New Zealand to complete his sentence. She had twisted
every arm she could to get his pardon and release.

Admiral Owen Paris, Tom's father, had been nothing short of astonished
to discover what his son had accomplished. After Tom had been given
his official release, he met with the admiral privately for over an
hour. Afterwards, he tearfully told Kathryn that his father had
actually told him that he was proud to call him his son.

In three weeks, Tom would be back in this chair, a new Lieutenant
Commander and the best damn starship pilot she had ever seen. Kathryn
looked forward to seeing his easy grin and hearing his bad jokes.

She walked back up the ramp to the engineering console. The monitors
shone dimly, and the readouts were still. B'Elanna Torres had worked
miracles from this station and from main engineering, saving the ship
on countless occasions. Her methods were unorthodox, but they almost
always worked. Kathryn seriously doubted whether any other engineer
would have been able to nurse Voyager across thousands of light-years.
B'Elanna's creativity and drive had been critical factors in their
survival.

She could hardly believe that there had been a time when she had
considered any other engineer but Torres.

Chakotay had persuaded her to take the risk. He had been right about
B'Elanna, as he had been about so many other things...

Instinctively, she turned back toward the middle of the bridge,
looking for his calm, steady presence at the first officer's station.
But, of course, the seat was empty.

Kathryn felt a familiar pang in her gut. She swallowed and drew a deep
breath.

Chakotay would not be joining her on her next mission.

---

It had been difficult to secure complete amnesty for Chakotay, Torres,
and the other former Maquis. Starfleet had finally asserted itself
against the Cardassians three years ago, though not before the
underground movement had been all but wiped out in a devastating
massacre. Still, just as with Paris, Kathryn had to argue, cajole, and
threaten her way into getting what she wanted for her ex-Maquis crew.
Starfleet Command had taken its sweet time but finally came around to
seeing things her way.

And so B'Elanna Torres would remain on Voyager, with an official rank
of Lieutenant Commander and Chief Engineer. A few of the other
ex-Maquis had also decided to remain. Kathryn was glad of it. She
would need their experience in the days and weeks ahead, and she was
gratified to have earned their loyalty and trust.

But Chakotay would not be one of them.

He had told her this in a hurried, preoccupied conversation a day
after receiving his official pardon from the Federation. He would not
be returning to Starfleet nor to his home planet. He was not sure what
he wanted to do. At least that was what he said.

"I'll stay in touch," he had said as he left the conference room,
barely able to meet her eyes.

---

Now she looked to his empty chair across the bridge, and tears welled
up in her eyes. Embarrassed in spite of herself, she wiped them away,
stood up, and paced over to the tactical station.

Tuvok had gone to Vulcan for an extended visit with his family, but he
would be joining her in another three weeks. The captain missed his
wise counsel and his quick mind. As she had seen him off on his
journey, she almost thought she had detected a hint of emotion in his
face. He would have denied it in an instant, of course, but she knew
better.

She had already decided to offer him the first officer's position. It
was, of course, the most logical choice.

Again, her glance strayed to Chakotay's old chair. She couldn't
understand why he wouldn't stay. There was a bond between them, a bond
that she had thought was unbreakable. But he seemed to be breaking it
now.

Wherever he went, a part of her would go as well.

She was suddenly reminded of something Mark had once said to her. Mark
had always understood her need to explore the unknown. "It's a risky
business you're in, Kath, and I worry about you. But it's part of who
you are, and I wouldn't change it for anything."

Mark had also been a risk-taker, in his own way. Nine months after
Voyager's disappearance, distraught and despondent, he had traveled to
the Alps for a ski trip. On a cloudy, frigid morning, a sudden
avalanche had taken his life.

Kathryn knew she had not taken the time she needed to mourn his death.
But she had time now, and the tears flowed freely as she collapsed
into her captain's chair. Mark had been so gentle, so loving, so good
to come home to. It wasn't fair for him to die not knowing that she
was still alive. He had died way too young.

Too young, as Kes was, or seemed to be. The Ocampan was now eight
years old and obviously near the end of her life. She had served
Voyager so well during their arduous journey home. She had sacrificed
nearly her entire life for them. But Kes had no regrets. Her final
satisfaction was in seeing the crew's joy at beholding their home
planet for the first time in seven years. Kes had taken a quick tour
of Earth's sights but had told Kathryn that she wanted to stay on
board Voyager with the Doctor. "There is no one else with whom I would
rather spend my final days," she had pronounced. The Doctor had
secretly been experimenting with procedures to try to extend the
Ocampan's life, but Kes had put a stop to it when she found out.
Kathryn almost fancied she saw tears in the hologram's eyes when he
finally conceded.

Now she pulled a handkerchief from her pocket, blew her nose, and
wiped her eyes. All this crying had made her thirsty. She stood up,
went into the ready room, and replicated some iced tea. As she sipped
it, she smiled, thinking of various concoctions that Neelix had
experimented with, time and again, trying to please her palate, but
rarely succeeding.

Neelix had been awestruck by Earth and completely charmed by the
people he had met in San Francisco. Just yesterday he had asked
Kathryn for permission to leave his position and pursue a career in
the restaurant business. "I will, of course, look forward to your
frequent visits, Captain. Why, I have some wonderful ideas for
zucchini and leola root...."

She had let him prattle on, then given him her unconditional blessing.
Neelix had been a delightful companion and an unintentional hero at
times, yet she knew his place was behind a counter, chatting up
customers and feeding their bellies.

One of his regulars would probably be Harry Kim. Harry -- so innocent,
so steadfast through every trial he had faced. His first mission,
intended to be seven weeks, had turned into seven years. He'd had to
grow up fast.

She had finally met Harry's parents at the mustering-out ceremony.
Their pride in their son, their good sense, and their strong
principles had been reflected in Harry for seven full years of
unwavering service. It had given her no end of pleasure to relate to
them her own pride in his accomplishments and her gratitude for all
that he had done.

But Harry would stay in San Francisco and undertake further training
at the Academy. Kathryn chuckled at the thought that Harry Kim could
probably teach those instructors a thing or two about starships that
they never even imagined. Although she would miss him dreadfully, she
encouraged him to follow his dreams. "Perhaps someday I'll be
captaining a ship of *your* design," she had said. Harry flushed
proudly and had started to shake hands with her, but she had enfolded
him in a bearhug that the astonished lieutenant-to-be could hardly
bring himself to return.

Yes, she would miss Harry dreadfully.

Kathryn went back onto the bridge and wandered to the Ops station.
Like the other consoles, it was quiet, in a stand-down mode to
conserve power. In another three weeks, the ship would be completely
overhauled and ready for her next mission, which would be to patrol
the Cardassian-Federation border. An uneasy peace now existed between
the two entities, and constant vigilance would be required for quite
some time.

She ran her hands over the Ops controls, feeling her ship renewing
itself, getting a new lease on life. A good ship, a loyal crew -- what
more could a Starfleet captain need?

//Chakotay.//

She went back to her chair and took another swallow of her tea,
staring at the emptiness beside her. //Why? Why are you leaving me
*now*?//

Setting her glass down, Kathryn leaned forward and rested her head in
her hands, feeling the weight from seven years of accumulated
memories. So many of them involved Chakotay in one way or another.
Scenes raced through her mind -- arguments, quiet dinners together,
the way he would sometimes look at her during staff meetings, those
dimples threatening to erupt on his face at any time.

Dammit, she deserved an explanation for his walking out on her like
this.

As if in answer, the turbolift door behind her slid open. "Captain, I
thought I'd find you here."

Her leaping heart pulled her to her feet. "Chakotay!"

"Am I disturbing you?" He stood by the door, his arms behind his back.
Though he looked well rested, his expression was uncertain, as though
he didn't feel he belonged here.

"No, not at all." Kathryn walked toward him expectantly. "It's good to
see you."

"It's -- good to see you, too," he said, but he was having a hard time
making eye contact.

She put a hand on his arm. "What's wrong?"

"I have a lot of things on my mind," he said, more firmly this time.
"I need to talk to you. Can we sit down?"

"Absolutely." She indicated his old chair. "Can I get you anything to
drink?"

"No, thank you." He sat down gracefully, running his hands along the
arms of the chair. She took her seat. They looked at each other for
several moments. Finally Chakotay smiled, giving his chair a slap. "I
don't suppose I can take this with me."

Kathryn smiled back. "No -- but we could replicate one for you."

He held his smile for a few seconds, then lowered his eyes. "It
wouldn't be the same. I'll miss it here."

"Why don't you stay?" She didn't want to plead, but she had to know.
"Starfleet has offered you your old commission back...."

"I'm not interested," he replied sharply.

She winced inside, but tried again. "I could talk to Admiral Chen...."

"No, this isn't about Starfleet," he said. "I've forgiven Starfleet
for what they did in the past. This is about *me.*"

He leaned towards her. "Kathryn -- I'm tired of fighting. I've fought
Cardassians, Kazon, Vidiians, Borg, Hirogen, even the Federation
itself. I can't do it anymore."

"You're an excellent officer." She tried to use her "official" tone to
mask the growing pain she was feeling. "We could use you."

Chakotay regarded her for a moment, probing underneath the surface,
seeing and sensing her distress. "Kathryn, you know me too well. I
wouldn't be happy."

She felt his eyes pierce through her cover and was forced to
acknowledge the truth. "I know, Chakotay. You've only fought whenever
it was absolutely necessary." She took a sip of her drink. "You do
know about the others?"

"Yes, I talked to B'Elanna a couple of hours ago. She filled me in."

Kathryn nodded slowly.

"Captain -- thank you again for giving B'Elanna the opportunity to
prove herself. I don't know where she would be now without your
support. Working under you on Voyager was the best thing that could
have happened to her."

"She earned it all the way."

"B'Elanna, Tom, Tuvok -- they will all serve you well."

"Yes," she said softly.

They fell silent. Chakotay shifted in his chair. Kathryn drained the
last of her tea and avoided looking at him. "So what are you going to
do now?"

"I'm going to stay on Earth," he replied. "I want to travel for a few
weeks. I'm also seriously considering an offer of a teaching position
at Arizona State University."

"Teaching!" Kathryn exclaimed. "Teaching *what*?"

"History and anthropology." Chakotay smiled. "I may even do a little
farming on the side."

"Farming!" This truly stunned her.

"Quite a change from the life of a Maquis," he admitted, "but, then,
that's what I'm looking for."

Kathryn tried to picture him sweating in a field under a hot sun.
Surprisingly, the image was not at all unrealistic.

"What will you grow?" she asked.

"Oh, I was thinking about getting some leola root from Neelix and
running some experiments."

Kathryn Janeway, dignified and decorated Starfleet captain, snorted.
Then she guffawed. Chakotay laughed with her until their combined
energy gave out. The uncomfortable quiet returned again.

"Well, Captain." Chakotay stood up. "I should be getting back to my
shuttle. I told Neelix I'd meet him for lunch."

She rose as well. "Who's cooking?"

"I am, of course."

They chuckled again. Chakotay held out his hand and Kathryn took it.
She could not look at him. She wanted to tell him so much -- how his
friendship had meant everything to her during this ordeal, how she
felt she was losing a part of herself with him.

//It's Mark all over again. And Justin....leaving me behind...//

But she couldn't say it. It was too risky.

Chakotay released her hand. "Goodbye, Kathryn." He stepped to the
upper level, hesitating near the door.

She leaned against the rail, her mind in agony. //Say something, you
fool.//

"Chakotay."

He froze.

She let go of the rail and stepped toward him. She felt dizzy and
realized her heart was pounding.

Chakotay turned slowly to face her. Their eyes locked. She suddenly
remembered how he had looked at her just before they had left New
Earth. So much had passed between them in those few seconds -- so much
that they could not put into words but felt very deeply. Duty had
called them back to Voyager and the crew. Duty had forced them to put
personal feelings aside in order to survive.

The bond was no longer a necessity, but a conscious choice.

Kathryn stood directly in front of Chakotay. His eyes remained fixed
on her face. She read uncertainty, longing, and hope in those brown
depths. Her right hand reached out and touched his forehead, gently
tracing the design of his tattoo, his unique beauty mark that linked
him to his distant ancestors. His skin was warm and slightly damp.

Chakotay closed his eyes and inhaled slowly. Gently, he took her hand
from his face and brought it to his lips. Kathryn felt his breath on
her skin and moisture from his tongue as he explored and tasted. Her
left arm reached up his back, pressing him closer to her. He released
her hand, bent his head and met her lips quickly, passionately.
Kathryn wrapped her other arm around him and responded in kind. His
hands caressed her back, her neck, and her shoulders.

They broke the kiss with a gasp, staring at each other in unabashed
wonder.

Kathryn recovered first. "I guess this really means I'm not your
captain anymore."

Chakotay brushed her hair back from her face, kissed her neck, ear and
cheek. "You can be anything you want," he said softly, "and I will
still love you."

She pushed her hands up under his shirt, rubbing the powerful muscles
underneath, seeking to draw his inner fire inside herself. "I love
you, too, Chakotay."

Acknowledging this deep truth, to him and to herself, was strangely
and wonderfully liberating. Kathryn felt joy surge through her entire
body. She pushed herself back from Chakotay in order to look at his
face.

His eyes were glistening. The expression in them was overpowering. His
hand went to her face, stroking her cheeks, forehead, eyelids, as if
to convince himself this was really happening.

"Kathryn," he managed to say. "Kathryn, I've waited so long, loved you
so long. I'd almost given up hope that this would ever happen." He
pressed her head to his chest and brushed his cheek against her hair.
"I couldn't ask you how you felt. That was the worst part."

"I know," she whispered.

His hands were in her hair, stroking the auburn tresses, pulling on
the band that held her ponytail in place. She reached back and
unfastened it, allowing him to undo the braids, to bury his face in
the silky depths. Her body tingled, and she shivered a little.

Chakotay pulled back suddenly. "Kathryn, come back with me."

"Chakotay...." She shook her head, feeling as if someone had just
punched her in the stomach. "I can't. My place is here."

"I know," he replied. "That's not what I mean. I'm not asking you to
leave Starfleet. I'd never ask you to do that."

Kathryn could only nod as tears began to re-form in her eyes. She
could not lose him now, not after they had just found each other.

"You have three weeks before you report back for duty, right?"

"That's right."

"Come down to Earth with me. I want to show you the ancient homes of
my people. You haven't lived until you've seen a sunrise over the
Grand Canyon."

"I would be honored," she said, deeply touched.

"You," said Chakotay, kissing her fingertips one by one, "will be
honoring *me.*"

She put her arms around him and hugged him, feeling a tremor run
through his body as he returned the embrace. Gods, he felt
*wonderful.* She couldn't believe she had denied herself for so long.

They held each other for a few seconds, not saying a word, just
savoring the contact. Finally Kathryn stepped back to take one more
look around the bridge.

//Can I divide myself again? I love my ship, and I love Chakotay, as I
did Justin and Mark. How long can I keep doing this?//

Chakotay seemed to read her thoughts. He put his hands gently on her
shoulders, and she turned to face him.

"Kathryn, this is your home still. You are meant to be Captain of this
ship. I won't lie to you -- every day that you're gone will seem like
an eternity to me. But you will come back, and someday it will be for
good. I promise you -- right here and right now -- that I will wait,
for as long as it takes." He paused and took her hands in his.
"Spirits, I'm not very good at this."

She squeezed his hands. "You're doing just fine."

He took a deep breath and continued. "Many years ago, men would offer
women the moon and the stars. You already have them. And I can't
shower you with jewels and fine clothes. You know I'm a simple man,
Kathryn. But I can give you good food to nourish your body, a safe
home to shelter you from the cold, two hands to ease your pain, and
fire to warm your soul. All that I have and all that I am is yours,
forever, if you wish it."

For the third time in her life, Kathryn Janeway realized she was
receiving a marriage proposal. Perhaps the third time would be the
charm after all.

"I do wish it," she said, her voice husky with emotion. "Maybe we can
build the life on old Earth that we weren't able to on New Earth."

Chakotay kissed her palm. "I love you, Kathryn."

She pulled his head down. Their kiss was like liquid fire, spreading
into their chests, limbs, and loins. A long-denied need burst into
Kathryn Janeway's awareness. Her hands wandered down Chakotay's body,
and he answered her touch with a groan of desire.

Overcome with passion, they lost track of their surroundings and
stumbled toward the turbolift door. It opened suddenly. They pitched
into the lift and almost fell down. Chakotay steadied Kathryn, ran a
hand through his hair, and took a deep breath.

"Cancel that lunch date with Neelix," Kathryn ordered, gasping and
readjusting her uniform. "And I think we had better continue this
elsewhere."

Chakotay laughed, took her hand, and squeezed it. "Aye, Captain. I
know just the place."

---

The End
(To be continued in part two, "Earthdance")